Do you entertain family members that you dislike (and dislike you) on Christmas?
My partner's parents are coming to stay with us for a week over Christmas. My partner's brother and his wife are assholes. We haven't spoken to them in over six months, even though they live 10 min away. Last time I bumped into them they were rude and standoffish. My partner wants to invite them over on Christmas day, because it would make her parents happy. I said no way, but now I feel guilty. It is her brother, and she loves him. I used to like him, but since he married his nasty, obese, trash talking wife, he has changed. She has openly stated that she thinks that homosexuality is a sin, and takes every opportunity to take shots at me. I just don't want to deal with it.
Hmm. It always surprises me when gay people continue to accept family members when they are raging homophobes. Or marry raging homophobes. I love my family dearly but would not hesitate to tell them exactly what the what if they or their spouses misbehaved. Luckily, none of them would be so disrespectful of me or my partner.
Has your partner spoken to her brother about his wife, OP?
It's trashy to accept an invitation to someone's home and then express contempt for the host, veiled or otherwise. While I usually will advocate avoiding family conflict at all costs, R2 is right.
HELL no! Life is too short and holidays too special to spend with bitches I hate.
Blood is NOT necessarily thicker than water.
Stockholm Syndrome is not a good look for the holidays.
Hateful family members should be unwelcome anywhere.
Uh, uh. No. Here's what you do. Bring it out into the open. No more B.S. Since your parents are staying with you, you will see more of them. Plan some activities you know they'll enjoy.
Even a walk around the mall with a nice lunch, or driving around to look at the Christmas lights, or going to see a nice choir or a musical performance, or bowling, go to the damned zoo, or a movie or WTF ever. Plan some things.
If they just want to sit around your house & chill out, fine. Invite a few friends over, even people their age so you can have a convivial gathering. Nothing elaborate or large.
But have your partner tell her brother that they have two options: Either they behave and respect your home and you,and make an effort to be pleasant, or they arrange to have the parents go over there for a visit.
They can pick. Christmas Eve with you and Christmas Day with them, or vice versa. Period. Let Sister tell Brother that they are unpleasant to be around and you'd rather not. She can love her brother, but she isn't required to like him.
OP, I have a strong feeling that there is jealousy involved, too. I bet they resent that the parents are staying with you.Even if they don't want them or can't accomodate them, they will still resent that they're with you.
It's not all about you OP. Talk to your partner,find out how she feels,cut the fucking self serving drama.However,
"But have your partner tell her brother that they have two options: Either they behave and respect your home and you,and make an effort to be pleasant, or they arrange to have the parents go over there for a visit."
is very good advice.
Invite them over. Put laxatives in her soup.
Invite them over without any preconditions or warning, and when they say something offensive demand they apologize or leave. There will be a huge fight, and they'll refuse to ever enter your house again.
Handled that way, it's a win-win! You won't have to deal with them, and they're the bad guys who are keeping the family apart.
Jeez, it's one day out of the year. If it makes the parents happy, deal with it.
If you can't find a way to deflect any bad vibes coming your way for that period of time, maybe you have a problem.
Before the bitch begins to diss you, drop a few phrases like "Bible thumpers" and "Christian hate-mongers."
Tell them you're inviting a whole passle of all your gay friends. Tell them you want them to meet these GAY people so that they can see how normal and fun they are.
You want them to get used to seeing same sex couples kissing and dancing and fondling. And make sure to tell them not to get too shocked if they get hit on! Not to get shocked if someone squeezes a tit or and ass cheek. It's all in good fun. They will cancel and your problem is solved.
Of course, OP. That's what the holidays are all about. We invite people over that we rarely see and don't have much in common with except that they are family. We grin and bear their company and then sigh with relief when they finally leave. Then we have a drink and thank God that we don't have to do it again for another year.