A coworker just made fun of me for renting not owning

A group of us went out to lunch and they were all bellowing about their mortgages/cost of home upkeep etc. Someone said, "You're keeping quiet!" and I replied that I rent an apartment, I do not own. And this COLLEAGUE of mine said: "Some day you'll grow up like the rest of us!" and guffawed. Everyone kind of chuckled, I think it was a self-deprecating joke or an attempt at one, but now I feel extraordinarily self-conscious about my living arrangements. I had no idea that it was a mark of adulthood to be a home owner. I am also frankly kind of worried about it affecting my reputation at work, like somehow I am seen as less responsible or mature than my suburban home-owning peers. Crap. Maybe I am overthinking this, but I feel like crappo.

• Sheesh OP, take a breath. Where these co-workers all fraus? If so, not to worry, they love to act like mother hens and berate people for non-issues.

• It was a group of four women and a couple guys. The guy made the remark and the women seemed to look at me cluck cluck pityingly. Ugh I feel pretty bad.

• You need thicker skin OP. If they were talking about their mortgages they are probably all under water on their homes. Be thankful you aren't stuck and if are likely in a position to buy a home at a lower cost. You won't need to worry about replacing your roof or affording a new furnace when it goes out

• I prefer to rent... repairs don't come out of my pocket.. and there is always someone on call.

• Renting has its advantages. No repair costs, no property taxes which in my area are killer, no insurance beyond renters. If you have to move you can give notice and leave without being stuck with a house to sell or end up juggling two mortgages while waiting for it to sell in a stagnant market.

• I wish I still rented. Got stuck with a condo I bought 7 years ago now worth half what I paid. I'd like to move to another city but I'm not allowed to rent it out since the community is maxed out for rentals so I've got to stay here. Doing the "responsible adult" thing has fucked me over royally.

• Property taxes are covered by your rent. In New Jersey, renters even get a deduction for the portion of rent attributable to property taxes.

• This is like those threads we used to always get of the evil muscle queens being mean to a poster at a gym.

• OP, I was in my 30s before I bought a house and had been renting since I was 18. Financially, it's worked out in my favor to own, but there are many times when I wish I was a renter (dealing with repairs, maintenance, simply wanting to pull up stakes and flee but I can't.). I don't think property ownership is a sign of maturity. It's more a sign of wanting to settle in one place for a while. If however you have been renting the same place for like 10 years, you might as well be building equity in it.

• How old are you, OP? I don't think there's anything wrong with renting in your 20s and given the economy and property markets the last few years why would you want to own property? You should've said to that asswipe, "Really? How much equity do you have in your property?" That probably would've shut him up.

• OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with renting. I'm 65 and have rented all my adult life. You do not want to get stuck with a house or condo which will not easily sell. Owning is often for those who never intend to move to a different geographic region or different city. They intend to be in whatever town or city or region they are in for LIFE. Renting can be more economical as you do not need to do expensive repairs on heating/cooling systems, plumbing, electrical, yard, etc - a million different repairs both small and large. It is definitely NOT a sign of being an adult either. Your coworker is misguided and lacking in knowledge - he is also just trying to justify her own decisions. It is very provincial and narrow thinking to think that everyone should automatically buy. Being an owner of a house/condo often has more liabilities than postives.

• OP, if you don't have a bunch of kids, the only possible reason to own a house in the suburbs is as an investment. And since houses aren't a good investment in a lot of areas, there's no real reason for some of us to sign up for the DIY-ing, expense, lack of mobility, and sociopathic mortage banks. Your asshole co-worker is probably on the edge of foreclosure, and resents that you are free from his crushing worries.

• Are you the same one who was worried about the hidden meaning of "home" for Christmas this morning?

• How old are you OP? It sounds like you rent without even thinking about owning. Some people come to the logical conclusion that renting is the best option for them. But you seem so insecure about it as if you haven't considered it. Which is fine. But if you have made a conscious decision not to buy - and there are as many reasons to do so as there are not to - then you should at least know this for yourself. The co-worker that made that crack is still kind of a dick though.

• OP, when that asshole is paying your bills, then their opinion will carry some weight. Until then, your coworker can fuck off.

• I'm 47 and have rented my entire life. I'm single and couldn't imagine trying to look after an entire house alone. Don't stress, OP. That's a stupid thing to think less about you for. They sound boorish.

• I'm single with no kids and rent a one-bedroom apartment because that's all I need. Why the hell would I want a three or four bedroom house? It would just be a lot of wasted space, and I would so not be interested in renting out the rooms. And like others have said, I have zero obligations on repairs, etc. I just pick up the phone and maintenance handles it. I love that about renting.

• "I'm single with no kids and rent a one-bedroom apartment because that's all I need." Ditto, plus it's all I want to be responsible for. Homeowners spend so much of their lives doing housework and home repairs, I hate both and I've decided to avoid as much as I can. I can keep my little apartment presentable with a couple of hours here and there, and if that costs me a little more in the long run then I consider it money well spent.

• condo fees are going up across the country

• There are so many people upside down in their morgages...I don't understand why your co-worker said that. I have heard that rent will be going up. Maybe you should buy now, if you can.

• Stop listening to what jackasses think of you dear.

• An old roommate of mine 'bought' a house and suddenly got all uppity on me. Of course he took out a zero percent down ticking time bomb liar loan like everyone else and paid three times what the house was actually worth. At one point he even commented on my myspace (that's what we used back then) that I needed to "Get with the program!" and actually BRAGGED that his mortgage payment was $5k/month. Why that is something to brag about is beyond me, especially while my rent was a mere $500/mo at the time! Unlike him, I do not aspire to explode my cost of living by a factor of ten just to claim to 'own' something. Anyway, the bubble of course eventually burst, he lost his house, I'm sure he has ruined credit as a result and he's certainly not shooting his mouth off on facebook about home ownership these days!! As it turns out, he didn't "own" anything! He was just paying rent to the bank all that time. $5k/mo rent :) PS. All the money I saved by NOT 'owning' during those years has allowed me to save up enough money to pay cash for a fucking house now. Although not in CA (which is fine...because I no longer live there).

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• Tell them you have fun things to do with your money and are perfectly happy to wait until your parents transfer their mortgage free estate over to you. LOL! These are the same people who act the same about being married with kids. Join a campaign to eliminate the home mortgage tax deduction.

• When you all get laidoff, you will be in better shape than your co-workers.

• Oh, I meant to add. Never never never discuss your finances with co-workers or even with friends. But now you hve an excuse to never never never contribute any money to co-workers' drummed-up fund raising efforts - from their childrens' wrapping paper shit to birthday presents. You are right though in that people will judge you unfairly. Society often sucks.

• We're all gonna die and you can't take the house with ya. I hate being a home owner. I inherited a house mortgage free, and the taxes and up keep are more than any rent I could pay. You can't call the Landlord.

• OP, it is better to rent than own right now. Those idiots, none of them have any value in their homes right now. You are the smart one. You should have said as much.

• Buying a house is a gamble. If your coworkers are proud of the fact that they own property in some anonymous suburb of Phoenix, at least you'll be able to feel some schadenfreude next time the housing bubble bursts or a financial crisis hits (and it will happen) and their little suburban slices of heaven get foreclosed or sell well below what they paid for them.

• And this COLLEAGUE of mine said: "Some day you'll grow up like the rest of us!" and guffawed. Everyone kind of chuckled, I think it was a self-deprecating joke or an attempt at one, but now I feel extraordinarily self-conscious about my living arrangements. OP, if you feel that your colleague's remark was a self-deprecating joke -- that he actually meant he and others who own homes are not really "grown ups," thereby implying that you are smarter than them because you're renting -- then you have no reason to feel upset or self-conscious. On the other hand, maybe you don't know what "self-deprecating" means?

• R29 How much more do you own on your home than what it's actually worth?

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• Keep renting and save your money for retirement. If you are single or a couple and childless there is no reason to own a home. If your situation changes then you're stuck with a house you have to sell in a hurry or rent to some unknown person who will trash it. YOU are the smart one if you assess the pros and cons and save the difference of what home ownership would cost. I've seen many people ruined because they thought being a home owner was the most important thing ever.

• I say you dodged a fucking bullet. I saw and heard this ALL THE TIME in the past years - I wasn't in a good financial situation to buy (in my opinion). I thought I needed 20% down and had been unemployed for a year. Turns out I could have very easily been approved - but I didn't do it as I could NOT BELIEVE what the housing market was going. How can so many people afford 500K condos? It didn't make sense. But there were so many smug assholes commenting - many people would ask a party if I rented or owned. NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! I did end up buying a 1 BR condo after the crash and got a good deal - I'm even, not underwater - and I pay roughly what I would have to rent. However, I'm so happy I didn't buy earlier.

• I'm lovin' R23 - >>Tell them you have fun things to do with your money and are perfectly happy to wait until your parents transfer their mortgage free estate over to you. LOL! Couldn't agree (only child of elderly parents here!) >>These are the same people who act the same about being married with kids. And again - right on the money! Don't stress over what some other people think - they've got no idea about your financial position - just as you have no idea about theirs. I had a fuckbuddy (a married bi guy) for years, who lived way beyond his means. They kep trading up to bigger houses - bought an investment property - good cars, holidays - a big advocate for living it large. All done on borrowing and credit of course - which was fine when property values were going up - but the bubble burst - and his wife left him! - and he's now got pretty much nothing. They seemed like they had so much - complete illusion! Might have worked out if they;d stayed together and worked another twenty or twenty five years - but that didn;thappen, Nada now. And anyone who listened to his advice would have been just as fucked over. Blah!

• Do what is right for you. Home ownership is often a hassle and a lot of people still operate under the "American Dream;A Home of My Own" claptrap that lands people in upside down mortgages just because they are keeping up with the joneses.

• And you are sure this was not in reference to your love life?

• I also hate it when people ask "do you rent or own?" "Um, it really none of your fucking business, ok?" I think it's such a rude and intrusive question.

• Unless your mortgage is paid off, you're renting from the bank. Don't get it twisted.

• I bought a small condo when I was in my twenties, because I resented "throwing away" my hard earned money without building any equity. The housing market tanked not long afterward and condos similar to mine were selling for half what I paid. I was tempted to walk away, but a good friend urged me to hang in. I'm glad I did. The market came back, my mortgage is paid and my former monthly mortgage payment goes for dining out, travel, and a lifestyle that I never thought I could afford. Why? Because other than my condo fee, property taxes and utilities, my housing is completely free.

• op....do you know any real estate agents? Real Estate agents can access how much a person paid for their home and how much of a mortgage they had to get. Whenever anybody gets too big for their britches about home ownership...I call my real estate friend, he looks them up....and we laugh!!! Almost everyone is WAY overextended. You enjoy your rental property...op.

• R39 you can do that on your own...just type their address in on Zillow if you know it, or go to the assessor's website and look them up by name. I love stalking people's real estate purchases!

• OP, relax, there's nothing more boring than a bunch of suburban hicks going on and on and on about the real estate market. Unless it's the same group going on and on and on about their fucking kids. If you ever want to buy, you'll buy. Until then, you're doing what you want to do.

• OP, ask to speak in private to this asshole co-worker who thought it was okay to embarrass you. Be polite and don't be confrontational, but tell this person you didn't appreciate his comment. It was inappropriate and unnecessary. Yes, you understand it was meant as a joke, but it turns out that the joke ended up being at your expense. And you'd appreciate it if he didn't speak out of turn again when it comes to you. And then thank him. Some people just need to be called out politely for their rudeness--even if they didn't think it was rude.

• The guy probably resents your more carefree life. He probably remembers the days when he didn't spend his weekends mowing the yard and cleaning leaves out of rain gutters. Not to mention the constant financial drain of home ownership. He probably wishes he were your version of being a grown-up instead of his.

• I'm just about to buy a house and you guys are harshing my buzz. Stop it, just stop it.

• You should have something by the time you're 30, you should have long past the renting. You should have a good deal of money in bank, a mortgage and a paid up car. I know people who are 40, yes that old, and have never owned a home. Why? They have low level jobs and can't be bothered to better themselves. Most are quite comfortable, mooching off hard working Americans, getting free health care (next year), declaring bankruptcy every 10 years and instead of working to better society just take from it. Renters do nothing to help a stable society. Only the pride of home ownership does this.

• 45, there are plenty of ways to better society than buying things for yourself.

• I agree it's not that difficult to get a mortgage provided you have good credit. And it's easy to have good credit, IF you're responsible and socially aware. There's really no reason not to own at least a condo by the time you're 30, other than poor planning.

• Or not wanting it, R47. Make whatever choices you want for yourself, but don't force your choices on anyone else.

• R45 is very brainwashed and narrow and provincial in his thinking.

• Actually only something like 60 percent of adults live in a house they are buying instead of renting. Like others have said, most people who bough a house are upside down right now and will be for years. How smart were they buying that house during the bubble at 500,000 which is now 250,00? That's real adult. Sheep is more like it. By the way, as those people get older, and their kids move out, a time will come when they cant handle the house anymore and will par down into a small condo or apartment.

• I think OP is getting carried away. The remark doesn't seem demeaning at all. It was a way of remarking about how you didn't share their problems. It wasn't necessarily a dig. If you're secure with your choices, comments like that don't bother you.

• Just an anecdote, of course, but the house I bought in 2001 is still worth about 20% less than the purchase price. The mortgage is paid down to the point that, if I sold it, I would probably only lose 10 grand due to repairs and fees. The house was 7 years old when I bought it. It has needed a new roof, new fence, new appliances, new flooring/carpet, furnace, water heater. I think if I added up all the expenses a renter would not have to pay, I could have bought the house twice. I would never buy a house unless I absolutely loved it and wanted to live there ( at least) until the thing is paid off. The whole thing where people were buying houses and selling every 2-3 years and profiting is either obsolete or very geographically limited. I remember having a talk with my friend's father, a real estate investor. He recommended buying a house, if possible, because it would "go up in value," even in 2 or 3 years time. Well, I know of at least one house he lost over a Million bucks on.

• Lots of poor people with bad credit on here justifying it by bullshit statements like "I don't have to pay for repairs" or "I can move when I like." I have owned since I was 23 yrs old. And I have moved 4 times to different cities, sold those condos/houses and made a nice profit in return. The tax advantages have been very lucrative. I enjoy the feeling of owning my property, making improvements and changes, and the satisfaction of a significant accomplishment that apparently many Datalounge folks are unable to do.

  Proud Homeowner

• Owning only makes sense if you know that your investment will appreciate in value. My partner and I bought a preconstruction condo in the downtown area of a major city 6 years ago and made a killing by watching it double in price very quickly. Now, we have sold it, and bought something better and larger with no mortgage. But, if you live anywhere fairly urban, it's getting to the point that if you want to buy a condo/house that is in a desirable area and the type of property that is guaranteed to always be in demand, you already have to have a lot of money to play with, or be very lucky to be at the right place at the right time.

• I rented until I was 55 because I knew nothing about repairs and such. When mom died, she left me a chunk of change, so I bought a little bungalow on 2 acres. Like others, I got Home Shield. The rare occasion something has happened, they came right out and fixed it. So don't feel bad about renting. If you were meant to be a homeowner, you will become one some day.

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• OP, just do you and don't let anyone else make you feel ashamed of your life or your choices. What's funny is that I had a similar experience in the opposite direction, I inherited a house, and it was like all of these vulture "friends" came out of the woodwork and wanted to come over so they could make rude comments about all of the repairs and stuff that needed to be done. Ended up kicking them all to the curb. Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing, and it sounds like this guy was jealous. Fuck. him.

• r54, does owning property make up for the fact that no one wants to be around you because of your rotten personality? I hope your property keeps you warm at night.

• Sorry, that was for R53, not R54.

• I don't know how you were able to come up with a "rotten personality" based on what I wrote, but it seems that you have some issues with bitterness and anger management yourself.

  R54

• I am in the process of buying a home after renting for 15 years. But this is a very personal decision; I would not pass judgment on someone who chose to rent because I did it for so long myself. I just felt that it was time for me to buy; I'm purchasing a small rehabbed rowhome in my city. I didn't want anything overtly large, just a small two-storey home with a reasonable mortgage. It's totally up to you OP, and totally all right whatever decision you make.

• OMG, grow up. Why do you even care what people say/think. Mary!

• I'd live in a hotel if I could afford it. Room service, housekeeping, laundry service, doorman, appliances, everything one wants in a home, included in the price. I'm serious. If I could live without any large possessions, I would. Some clothes, a laptop, and a few toys, and I'd be happy.

• R62's hotel scenario would be a dream come true, especially if the hotel had excellent food. Stripped down to essentials with all your needs met.

• I'm getting sick of all these "co-worker" stories. They're obvious troll posts. I don't know why so many of you take them seriously. I quite frankly don't believe the OP's little tale of how he was "made fun of" for renting an apartment. I mean, does anybody REALLY believe that a co-worker said to him "some day you'll grow up like the rest of us!" That sounds like a dialogue from a very bad comedy movie.

• It really depends on where you live AND if you're lucky enough to have a stable job with a good salary and no upcoming big expenses. Not everyone does. Currently I'm in L.A. with an okay job in education and no way in hell would I want to buy a property here because everything is so pricey. All of my coworkers who do own homes, live in the boonies. Some in an entire different county and they're married so they have the two salary advantage. Rent is not so cheap either, but also no property taxes and utilities and fire/earthquake insurance and no condo fees, etc. At some point I'd like to own, but I have a vague notion I'd like to move somewhere else in the next few years.

• Real estate is like any other investment. You need to do the numbers and see what works for you. There are lots of places that it doesn't make sense unless you are a very high earner. I own a home that I rent and I live in a rental because I can't sell my property profitably and even if I could I wouldn't want to buy where I live now. My rental is ok now but has been a nightmare. I love renting in a city. It's just better than dealing with a condo or coop board. And if I don't like my neighbors I can move.

• They sound like assholes...

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• r62, that's my Lotto fantasy. I'd just bounce around Ritz Carltons and Four Seasons all over the world without owning any property. I wouldn't even pack before moving from one place to another. I'd donate my clothes and shoes to charity and have new ones ordered and waiting for me at the next hotel.

• [quote] does anybody REALLY believe that a co-worker said to him "some day you'll grow up like the rest of us!" That sounds like a dialogue from a very bad comedy movie Yea I can believe some asshole said that. Do you think "co-workers" have professional writers. OP, no one but trash would ever comment on someone else' money or lack thereof. These people have trailer park manners - but the bought and paid for expensive doublewide manners, of course.