Asexuality - A Myth

Either they were sexually abused, depressed, autistic, religious, or have a medical problem. Human beings are meant to fuck.

• OP -- Do you sometimes feel hornier than others? If so, then there are times when you are not horny? Horniness ebbs and flows over a lifetime gradually diminishing with age. Agree with all this so far, OP? Well, there are some people who are permanently not horny, hard as that may be for you to believe at your current stage of life. Bully for you … and goody for them. Humans are not exactly alike! I, for one, am thrilled I am not you -- you know, all ignorant and stupid and all. Have a blessed day.

• That's funny, OP. So many people think because a man who wants to fuck another man must be mentally ill, depressed, sexually abused, and immoral. I'm glad you cleared it up how asexuals and homosexuals suffer from the same ailments.

• I don't think you understand what myth means. myth/miTH/ Noun:\t A traditional story, esp. one concerning the early history of a people or explaining some natural or social phenomenon, and typically... Such stories collectively.

  Dummy

• "Either they were sexually abused, depressed, autistic, religious, or have a medical problem" The sexual abuse hysterics are here! There is no link between asexuality and child abuse. Some forms of medication can cause lack of desire...but that doesn't explain people who have never felt desire in their whole entire lives. Depression can cause lack of desire, but, again, that doesn't explain people who have never felt desire at any point in their lives. Religion doesn't cause asexuality, either...being abstinent by choice isn't the same thing as feeling no sexual desire. Abstinent people feel desire, they just choose not to act on it. It's funny to see gay people attacking people whose desires do not fit into the norm. Shouldn't we know better?

• Everyone must be exactly like me and feel as I do! If they say otherwise they are liars!

  the%20charming%20OP

• I saw a documentary with a group of people who identified as asexual. They all pinged to high heaven. Some of them admitted to same sex experimentation but gave up on that up to. Maybe really asexual or their male/female hormones canceled each other out? The girls were all kind of, dare I say, dykish looking and sounding and the men were pretty e-f-f-e-m-i-n-a-t-e looking with gay voice. One was a married couple who enjoyed companionship but did not have sex.

• I know two men that confessed they are asexual. Didn't deny that they tried getting excited about sex and even had an experience or two --one said straight encounter, the other said gay encounter. They were neither repulsed nor enthusiastic by the experience. They just don't feel the need to take a good relationship that one step further and experience sex with the person. I 've known them for years, consider them friends and totally believe they are telling the truth.

• They did studies on those who were claiming asexuality. They were either caught having sex with someone, and were all masturbating.

• Despite the widespread urge for humans to procreate, body chemistry can be very diverse. There are people who exist who don't care about sex.

• r8's "study" does not exist.

• If you're male and you claim asexuality, and you don't masturbate, you will have a wet dream. That's biology. The body demands the release of old sperm for new. That person will have a spontaneous orgasm. Your body is still equipped for sex, thus asexuality is a farce. Dig into these individuals' past, and you will figure out why they're abstaining from sex. Claiming asexuality is a cop out. It's a way to explain away a person's reason for not being social. It's like claiming celibacy when you couldn't get a date if your life depended on it.

• r10's an idiot.

• r4 doesn't understand what asexuality is. These people claim that they have no desire for sex, and that they were born this way. This isn't merely abstaining for "periods of time." It's claimed to be a sexual orientation, or lack thereof.

• [quote]That's funny, OP. So many people think because a man who wants to fuck another man must be mentally ill, depressed, sexually abused, and immoral. False equivalency troll.

• "Claiming asexuality is a cop out. It's a way to explain away a person's reason for not being social." Uh, you can be plenty social and still be asexual. "Dig into these individuals' past, and you will figure out why they're abstaining from sex." You're confusing abstinent people with asexuals. Abstinent people have desire and choose not to act on it. Asexuals lack desire.

• r12's an idiot.

• So, to be clear, some think asexuality means no masturbation in addition to not (or never) having sex with another person. Others, think it means just not not (or never) having sex with another person; masturbation, yes. So which is it?

• Everyone but R3 is an idiot

  R3

• [quote]Your body is still equipped for sex, thus asexuality is a farce. Not a speck of logic in that sophomoric assertion. A pseudo-intellectual badly in need of a dictionary.

• Excuse me R14 but I am the false equivalency troll. It's been pointed out in a few threads before this one.

• Maybe they're content with masturbating and fantasizing (and really, with the boundless amounts of porn available online, it's not unrealistic), and don't want to put themselves at the risk of catching diseases. I can relate to that.

• Thank you for clearing that up, OP. All self-described asexuals will now apply to OP for accurate classification.

• maybe they just didn't want to fuck YOU, op

• My old friend Tobey from Gay Alliance at Compuserve seemed to be truly asexual. (Any other GA alumni here? I didnt think so.) Tobey showed up on Sally Jesse Rafael's TV show, and, though I have my suspicion about Tobey's biological gender, I could believe he's a member of either sex. The thing is, though, that once all of us head-cases had come to realize we were all allies, Tobey's schtick was no longer that Tobey was asexual; it was that Tobey was autistic. So I found OP's message interesting, because it included autism. I can see someone who is autistic trying to avoid sexuality because it's something they fear. On the other hand, Tobey's (totally non-sexual) amorphous persona makes me think that someone might be truly asexual, no matter the other factors in their lives.

• When I read an article on asexuality many years ago, I found their boards and infiltrated. I discovered that most of them were just hugely judgmental about sex, and it was coming from 1/ religion and 2/ youth. I got the impression, from reading / posting / asking questions for a few months, that many had taken the religious taboo thing really far, and learned to believe that all sexual contact was disgusting. Some people never wanted to be touched whatsoever, by anybody. Not even casual contact. Yeah, that's someone with sensory issues (possibly Asperger's), and while it is happening more often in youths, it is not something one should aspire to, or something that should be called healthy. I stay open that there might just be someone totally healthy with an abnormally low sex drive to the point of desiring none at all, but I seriously doubt that everything is alright with these people, if a full work up was done on them (psychological, physical, hormonal). Maybe I'm being judgmental, and I see your point that others feel that way about gays, but this is a result of my experience spending all my free time on their boards years back. I don't begrudge them for wanting no sex. I just feel for them because something got twisted along the way and it's a little strange to me.

• I can't believe I'm telling you this, but chemical abuse cases asexuality. I have to hit a meeting. Love you all.

  JOEY%20BRILL

• r25 has it right.

• [quote]Maybe I'm being judgmental, and I see your point that others feel that way about gays, but this is a result of my experience spending all my free time on their boards years back. Have you examined the mental issues that motivated you to spend your time that way? Doesn't really sound like everything is all right with YOU.

• I have a relative with Aspergers and he is not asexual in the least.

• [quote]False equivalency troll. R2's equivalency was not false. OP claims asexuals are fucked up because "humans beings are meant to fuck"; some claim gays are fucked up because "humans beings are meant to procreate." Same logic. Obviously, asexuality, like homosexuality, is not the norm, and I would guess it's much rarer than homosexuality. And, obviously, people can and do lie--to others and to themselves--about their sexuality. I'm sure that some people who claim asexuality actually have other issues going on. That doesn't mean that no one in the world is genuinely asexual, or that asexuality could not possibly be a naturally occurring, if very rare, variant of human sexuality.

• R19 = Sheldon Cooper.

• We know just how to treat them, with Requip.

  GlaxoSmithKline%20marketing%20department

• Nymphomania exists and I posit the flipside, asexuality, exists as well. Each occupies the polar opposite of the human sexuality spectrum.

• What is this apparently deep-seated need to pontificate on other people's sexual feelings? Why can't we simply acknowledge that, with rare exceptions, the only authority on a person's sexuality is the person himself.

• I thought it was found that nymphomania was just the result of other disorders such as bipolar and often a result of childhood sexual abuse and not a condition in and of itself. At least that's what I had a teacher tell me once.

• 'Cause people lie R34.

• An opinion OP, just like R25- you'll both need a little more in the form of expert reference (link) to convince me that something is wrong with them such as suggested by the OP.

  charlie

• People may lie to you about their sexuality, but that doesn't change the fact that they are the only people who actually experience it.

• [quote]'Cause people lie [R34]. But so what? What does it really matter to anyone but the purportedly asexual people themselves whether their asexuality is inborn or a reflection of some kind of problem? I have to wonder whether r23 hit the nail on the head--perhaps OP's obsession with asexuals and need to prove that they are not for real stems from being rejected by an asexual person.

• Studies suggest that asexuals make up about 1% of the population. It's commonly defined as the absence of sexual attraction toward other people. Some people are not sexually motivated. They are not interested in sex. I know it's hard to understand if you are a sexual person, but not everyone is wired the same way.

  http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/04/life-without-sex-the-third-phase-of-the-asexuality-movement/254880/

• The Closet is the answer to both R38 and R39. Fact: nothing has harmed gay people as a group or individually as much as the closet so many of their fellow gays indulge in. Maybe less today than twenty years ago, but the principles are the same. The very fact that you don't know that and don't understand how destructive and evil a force it has been in all our lives marks you out as feckless tourist bigots. And self-proclaimed asexuals look like closeted liars to us. Maybe some aren't, we can certainly imagine medical conditions or drugs that could cause this, and obviously human behavior is subject to variation and oddity. BUT To the extent they are closeted, they are hurting US as much as themselves.

• R28, that's a good point. When I infiltrated the boards, I took up this concept of asexuality as if it were my new toy. And I said I was asexual, too. Really, the truth was, I'd had a few years of bad luck in the relationship department and was on a break from all things sex and love. But it only took a few months to realize "Who the hell am I kidding? I have a pretty decent libido", and thus, I left their boards. I like to understand people, particularly those that don't make a lot of sense to me. So my experiment proved useful: I asked a lot of questions and got a good feel for who was claiming asexuality. While there might be some real ones out there, the majority of claimers have other stuff going on. I think, like someone said here about celibacy, it many times means "I can't get any, so I'm going to act as if I'm above the whole idea."

  R25

• [quote]And self-proclaimed asexuals look like closeted liars to us. "to us"??? Who are you claiming to speak for other than yourself? And on what possible grounds do you justify speaking for them?

• Can you imagine being a short, dumpy, ugly man (or woman) all your life AND having a great sex drive? Who would want you? What would you do? I sometimes drive throught the downtown area of the city in which I live and sometimes see these old, broken down, probably alcoholic, toothless bums with blank stares crossing the street and I wonder to myself, "that was once a cute, cooing infant". I mean, most people have some modicum of good looks in their 20s, 30s or even 40s, but just imagine someone ugly all their lives with an overpowering sex drive?!

  anonymous

• Us. They contribute to the hysteria and criminalization of sex. They contribute to the underestimation of gays and lesbians and negatives regarding our "lifestyle." Yes, Virginia, some lies do have consequences for people other than the liar. Indeed, it's very common. Who are you to say it is none of my business?

• r45 Then your issue lies with the liars, not so much asexuality. Your anger is misplaced. There are many in the closet who claim to be straight. Do you hold such ill-will against heterosexuality? You're acting like a petulant child. There's no real reason for your resentment.

• Logically lies are intended to deceive other people so by definition they have consequences for others.

• [quote]The very fact that you don't know that and don't understand how destructive and evil a force it has been in all our lives marks you out as feckless tourist bigots. Calm yourself, Mary Ellen. Nobody is defending the closet or denying its impact in the lives of gay people. But the fact is, you have no way of knowing what percentage of people who claim to be asexual are really closeted gays, and frankly, no particular reason to think it's more than a small percentage. Even those supposed asexuals who aren't really asexual are not necessarily gay, either--some might be, but certainly there are some who have other issues going on. To act as though the very existence of self-proclaimed asexuals is an affront to gay people, and the evils of the closet are an excuse to get in asexuals' business and demand to know what's really going on with them is a little ridiculous.

• [quote]They contribute to the hysteria and criminalization of sex. They contribute to the underestimation of gays and lesbians and negatives regarding our "lifestyle." "They" meaning "all of them", I suppose. Which probably consists of whomever you decide.

• R44, undesirables still get laid, just not with the alacrity or frequency as the universally sexy. So they learn early on to put up with less than they'd really like - lovers with more defects, if you will, in order to meet their stronger desires. Or they get less sex and learn how to manage. Don't worry - you could be undesirable too someday! Youth is fleeting.

• [quote]They contribute to the hysteria and criminalization of sex. They contribute to the underestimation of gays and lesbians and negatives regarding our "lifestyle." Oh, get off the cross, Mr. Victim. In 47 years, I've yet to meet an alleged asexual in person. I hardly think they are so numerous and so vocal that they're really influencing attitudes toward sex and gay people in our society.

• I always thought it was the religious right who contributed to the hysteria and criminalization of sex. I didn't get the memo to blame the asexuals. I have never met anyone who is asexual. They are as rare as albinos, but not as visual. In our sex-obsessed culture, I seriously doubt anyone even cares to make an issue out of being an asexual. So much anger for a very, very small percentage of people who pose no threat or danger to you or your sexuality. Unless, of course, your sexual advances were rejected.

• [quote]undesirables still get laid I don't and never have, but it doesn't really matter.

• Survival of the fittest really applies here - you have to be resourceful if things aren't going to be easy. R53, you just haven't learned how to work it. Undesirables just have to work harder to get it - pursue less attractive people, and have a lot going for you. Sexually successful people are attractive in some way - if you're ugly (and want sex), then you have to work on your personality and your game. Money doesn't hurt, but isn't required.

• The American format of sexual attitudes is literally hopeless. For sexual liberals and sexual conservatives alike. No matter how it evolves. Integrity seems to be rapidly approaching extinction. Combine that with our other social issues, and blammo. It almost feels useless and stupid to get enraged.

• [quote]Who are you to say it is none of my business? R45's attitude toward asexuality sounds very similar to the religious right's attitude toward homosexuality. "I don't care who THEY say they are! I KNOW they're really a bunch of pedos and perverts and that kind of behavior hurts everyone, so it IS my business."

• You've got it exactly backwards R56. They believe we are all pedos and perverts because they think there are very few of us, because of the closet. Furthermore, we can never convince them of our goodness as long as 1) we support even tacitly their idea of all sex as bad, dirty, selfish, and compulsive; and 2) we don't attack the false notions of tradition, history, and religion that they have. There's a reason it has taken so long to gain our rights, and that reason is THE CLOSET.

• Closeted people aren't really anyone's business either. There are many reasons why someone might not want to talk about themselves in relation to sex. Sexualities don't call for mandatory nations. Blame something else.

• R54, well I guess I don't really want it that much to begin with and my personality is non-existent, very shy and insecure all of my life, so I just accept that this is how it has to be and I'm ok with that.

  R53

• Dumb dumb, I'm not suggesting that it's okay to support the RR's idea that sex is dirty or their false notions of tradition, etc. I'm suggesting that blaming that shit on the tiny minority of humans who consider themselves asexual is absurd. I'm also suggesting that your witch hunt-y attitude that "Asexuals' sexuality IS my business because I am convinced that they are liars who are really in the closet and hurting gay people," is not much different from the RR's attitude that "Gay people's sexuality IS our business because I am convinced that they are bunch of kiddy diddlers and sex criminals who are hurting little children and decent people."

• You know, whether or not you ever have sex, you should really work on your self-picture, on loving yourself. It takes work and time to effectively deal with poor self-confidence, but it's truly worth all the effort. Life, in all areas, is much better when you (allow yourself to) feel good about yourself.

• R61, your words are wise, kind and very much appreciated - I have a LOT of hard work to do to get to a more positive place in my life.

  R53

• But it is different and I already explained why. it's not my fault you're slow on the uptake.

• Start simply. If you have a hard time looking in the mirror and saying I love you, or I deserve to be happy and feel good about myself, then you need to say those things to yourself all the more. Everyday. Until you convince yourself. Even if you have to begin at a whisper and feel uncomfortable. It's a beginning. Have to sleep now.

• I'm not asexual, but I've not had any sexual contact at all since 1984. Really. I made it (somehow) through the peak of the AIDS holocaust while enjoying total sexual excess as a massive whore. I was hot up to my early 30's, still doable for the next few years and not truly repulsive until sixty or so. I am still resolutely attracted to men, but the crud completely turns off any idea of actually doing it. Plus I despise condoms.

• "I have never met anyone who is asexual" How would you know if someone is asexual? You wouldn't know unless they told you. Lots of people claim they have never met a gay person. In reality, they have probably HAVE met gay people, they just didn't know those people were gay.