- Patton Oswalt did a great deconstruction of "The Christmas Shoes" in his routine:
- "Gramma Got Run Over By a Reindeer." Nothing like finding your drunken grandmother dead in the snow on Christmas morning.
- I would nominate Paul McCartney's "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime" as the worst song ever. Without even needing to qualify it as "Worst CHRISTMAS Song."
The Voice of the Night
- What R3 said. I actually think "The Christmas Shoes" is hilariously campy, so I don't mind it so much.
- "Feliz Navidad." How many times do they sing those two words!!!!!
- Ay yi yi it's Christmas and I don't know what to do
Ay yi yi it's Christmas and I don't have a gift for you
I can give you ay yi yi
All you need is ay yi yi
Un poquito ay yi yi
On this Christmas night!
- I never heard this Christmas song.
I despise that horrid Mariah Carey bit of shit they play in the grocery all the time.
- Simply having a wonderful Christmastime
Simply having a wonderful Christmastime
Simply having a wonderful Christmastime
**Blows fucking brains out with a 12 gauge**
- That horrible song that goes, "Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away..." is in constant rotation (in more than one version) on the one radio station that every business in my area plays throughout December. It makes me want to punch someone. It's not even a real holiday song. It just happens to use the word 'Christmas.'
It couldn't be less related to the spirit of the season. The singer is spitefully telling the person he is addressing to fuck off and die.
- Lou Monte's Dominick the Donkey.
- R7, I love the queen saying at the end in a really bad gringo accent: "You don't have anything for me? Nothing? Absolutely nothing? Why not, sonny? I want a gift*! Aww, man!"
*He says "presente," which doesn't mean gift/present in Spanish but "here and now; nowadays"l; the correct term should've been "regalo"
- I like McCartney's Christmas song. It is fluffy and frivolous, but that suits the chipper mood of Christmas. And I'd certainly never want to hear it except at Christmas, and not repeated ad nauseam, but hearing it a few times every year is fine. It's part of the canon of modern Christmas music, the older stuff is also good but the WWII generation has been overrepresented in Christmas music.
- The Grandma Reindeer thing and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus. Also hate I'll Be Home for Christmas.
- Yet another list of bad Christmas songs:
Happy Xmas (War is Over) by John Lennon and Yoko Ono
Do They Know It's Christmas? by Band Aid
I Saw Mommy Kidding Santa Claus by anybody
Sleigh Ride by anybody
Frost the Snowman by anybody
Jingle Bells by anybody
Silver Bells by anybody
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Chrissie Hynde
Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney
Merry Christmas, Darling by the Carpenters
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Elmo and Patsy
Anything by the Beach Boys
Anything by Johnny Mathis
Anything by the Phil Spector girl groups
Nuttin' for Christmas by Art Mooney and Barry Gordon
All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth) by Spike Jones & His City Slickers
Dominick the Donkey by Lou Monte
Christmas Conga by Cyndi Lauper
Merry Christmas With Love by Clay Aiken
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee
- Little Saint Nick really drives me crazy. Especially when the background vocals intone the deathless "Christmas comes this time each year."
- O Holy Night. The silliest piece of music ever written.
- Anything by Taylor Swift.
- I second the Paul McCartney song. And please don't forget the Grinch song. Horrible.
- "Holy Night. The silliest piece of music ever written."
You must be retarded or something, because "Oh Holy Night" is definitely NOT "the silliest piece of music ever written." You should try listening to "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer." No doubt you will consider that a masterpiece.
- I could stand listening to any of the above titles. Just try to be a clerk during the Holidays when "Twelve Days of Christmas" comes on.
And sorry, but the Phil Spector Christmas album is the greatest ever.
- "And please don't forget the Grinch song. Horrible."
I don't know which "Grinch song" you mean, but actually the songs from the tv special "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" are very clever and amusing. I'd rather listen to them than "Merry Xmas, War is Over" or "Do They Know It's Christmas" or "Merry Christmas, Darling" etc., any time.
- Agree with R3. In fact, whenever you come up with the worst song ever, you would have to have an entire category devoted to post-Beatles McCartney.
Having said that, Grandma Got Run Over is truly maddening.
- Christmas Shoes is the absolute worst. What kind of Christmas song talks about a little kid having to get shoes for his dying mother who is going to see Jesus tonight? And if that's not bad enough, they have that shitty children's choir sing on the last chorus. It's the worst piece of crap I've ever heard and I don't understand how it has received any airplay at all.
- I firmly believe that any Christmas song could be redeemed by being performed by the Muppets.
Janis doing "Simply Having" would make me like the song. Beaker's "Christmas Shoes" would probably be quite charming.
- This fucking horror -
- Or this?
- r27, r28, I believe it's time we, as a people, cut the shit and declare "Sir Paul" the most overrated songwriter in the history of ever.
- Yuletide bump
- Yeah, the McCartney one. And there's another one I think about kids in Africa or something that's annoying.
- Thank God none of you have mentioned my stirring rendition of "Silent Night"
- "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas"
- We Are Christmas Elves
- This one's a bit cheeky tremendously insipid.
- Merrry Christmas, inshallah.
- I love the the McCartney song. It was featured in some Rudolph movie that aired on tv when I was small so I've always liked it. I nominate I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and The Christmas Shoes. Fuck those songs.
Do They Know it's Christmas? by Band Aid
Preening posers singing ignorant, jarring lyrics that make you go Huh?
- I don't speak Russian, but this song and its video own this thread. Dear god, these singers look like Chernobly survivors!
- R39 Cheater! - this is a Happy New Year song, not xmas
Years ago I read these guys are orphans so maybe a bit of FAS is in the mix.
The song sounds like something from the Eurovision song contest, a TV show to which I am I shamelessly glued each year.
- Hard candy Christmas has always irritated me for the specific fact that its not a Christmas song. Its a song about unemployed hookers.
"Need a Little Christmas" I can make a good argument too. One line says "Its one week till Thanksgiving Day."
- R40 They're orphans? Shit, now I feel really bad about mocking them.
And I'm a huge fan of Eurovision too. The music sucks, but there are plenty of sexy singers and dancers to drool over.
- " Little Drummer Boy. " If I hear another "pa-rum-pa-pa-pum," someone's going to pay.
- In retrospect it was around the time of the Ethiopian famine relief fundraisers that pop music started to lose all cultural relevance.
- This one sounded funny at first, In the final analysis, however, I think its rather fabulous.
- Shoot me if you will, but I've come to enjoy the Mariah Carey song, "All I Want for Christmas is You." Although her hefty heifer version on the Michael Buble Christmas special was not her finest moment. And don't throw rocks at "How'd You Like to Spend Christmas on Christmas Island." I think it's cute.
- [quote]Shoot me if you will, but I've come to enjoy the Mariah Carey song, "All I Want for Christmas is You."
You can put me right behind you waiting for the firing squad.
The Voice of the Night
- Christmas Shoes is a masterpiece!!
- Andy Williams, "Happy Holidays."
Hate that freaking song.
- Holly, Jolly Christmas
- The most Oh Mary Christmas song. It's like the Billy Don't Be A Hero or Daddy Pleas Don't of Christmas songs.
A bus wreck, news bulletins, possible dead dad, a selfish kid, drama..drama..drama.
- Little Drummer Bot. By far the WORST, most tedious, droning piece of shit ever written.
[quote]Do They Know it's Christmas? by Band Aid
Preening posers singing ignorant, jarring lyrics that make you go Huh?
Well, tonight thank God it's them instead of you!
- Most of the ones I hate have already been mentioned, but here's a few more.
"Mary's Boy Child." At least I think that's the title of it. Anyway, I hate it.
Some song where a children's choir is singing "christmas day christmas day merry merry christmas day christmas day christmas day merry merry christmas day"...something like that. It's annoying as hell.
An acappella version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer by some girl group. Dixie Chicks, maybe? It really sucks.
- "Christmas with a Capital C" - hate it!!!
Mariah is laughing all the way to the bank with "All I want for Christmas Is You." It earns her $1 million every year.
- R46/47 I'm next in line behind the two of you. I also love Donny Hathaway's "This Christmas," and the whole Phil Spector Christmas album.
One that I thought was cute the first time I heard it is "Mamacita, Dónde Está Santa Claus?," but now I can't stand it.
- [quote]I firmly believe that any Christmas song could be redeemed by being performed by the Muppets.
That is very true.
MUPPETS: Oh bring us a figgy pudding, oh bring us a figgy pudding, oh bring us a fi
MISS PIGGY: Piggy pudding?!!!
GONZO: No, figgy pudding, figgy. It's made with figs.
MISS PIGGY: Oh ... sorry.
GONZO: And bacon.
- "All I want for Christmas is you" by everyone who sings it.
- Wondering how those who hate McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" feel about this version recorded by "West Wing" stars Martin Sheen, Stockard Channing, and John Spencer. Better or worse?
- I have hated the cutesy kids' Christmas songs since I was little. "Nuttin' for Christmas," "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" are the worst offenders. Being forced to sing those lame, tuneless songs in elementary school was torture.
Plus, they are soooooo WHITE!
- I can't get over her terrible name. Who would want to be named after Madonna? I hope she was born before 1980 and this is just an unfortunate fluke.
- Without a doubt, "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime," complete with diarrhea noises throughout.
- I have to say the one song they never stop playing this time of year that needs to not even be on the radio is "Baby It's Cold Outside" I can not stand that offensive piece of garbage. Every time it plays I feel as if I am listening in on the musical version of a step-by-step guide to date-rape.
I can handle almost anything, even the hippo for Christmas song, but that song just gets under my skin.
- My vote is for Happy Christmas, war is over song. I love Christmas but every time I hear that shitty song I want to throw all the gifts out and burn down the Christmas tree.
- [quote]Do They Know it's Christmas? by Band Aid Preening posers singing ignorant, jarring lyrics that make you go Huh?
"No, there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime"
I would say "no snow" would've been a small blessing to the starving people in Africa. And when is there ever snow in Africa (or Somalia, which is what they mean), anyway?
"Do They Know It's Christmas?"
Would it matter? Isn't northern Africa mostly Islamic?
- Ethiopia is largely Orthodox Christian going back to the Middle Ages.
- Has anyone mentioned "Dominick the Donkey?"
- "Felix Navidad." It's the same two words for three minutes.
- Conrad Murray sings "The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot"
- Always hated "Wonderful Christmas Time"
Then I saw the video for the first time in years. Now I loathe it...
- Madonna singing "Santa Baby", makes me want to stab my eardrums.
- Mr Hankey, the Christmas Poo
- I keep hearing this in stores. I thought it was Bjork duetting with the corpse of Dean Martin.
- I apologise...
This *ATROCITY* wins - No 1 in the UK a few years ago...
- It isn't any particular Christmas song ... it is the fact that AM radio stations start playing Christmas music at 12:00:01 a.m. on Nov. 1 and don't let up for 55 days. Also Christmas music that gets piped into shopping malls, retail stores, restaurants
By Thanksgiving, I want to pluck that partridge in the pear tree and strangle that drummer boy. Even a Christmas song that I like, John Denver's a cappella rendition of "Silent Night" gets on my nerves by Dec. 1
- Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays by NSYNC
- [quote]I have to say the one song they never stop playing this time of year that needs to not even be on the radio is "Baby It's Cold Outside" I can not stand that offensive piece of garbage. Every time it plays I feel as if I am listening in on the musical version of a step-by-step guide to date-rape.
Sister, I for one agree! This melodic celebration of patriarchal haterape cannot, nay, MUST not be allowed to stand!
Rise, wimmen of all colors everywhere, and resist the penised oppression of the holiday tunes of the haterapist Frank Loesser!!
- That strangled version of "Silent Night" by Stevie Nicks is terrible. She sounds like she gargled with broken glass before singing it.
R72 has a point
- I can tell you the best Christmas Song...
- How did this thread get to 80? You bitches named every Christmas song by response 13.
- R63 Story is that "Baby It's Cold Outside", played at a Colorado church party in 1949, outraged and scandalized one of the leaders of the Mislim Brotherhood, then an exchange student.
Confirmed his view of the US as lust-crazed infidels and slutty women. So, strange bedfellow..er, bedmate for Nan, indeed.
- How did this get to 80 replies without Greg Lake's loathsome "I Believe In Father Christmas" dirge being mentioned?
That, LennOno's "Happy Christmas", and the push to make Joni Mitchell's dreary "River" a Christmas standard- give me "Merry Christmas Darling" and "Simply Having..." anyday
- "Christmas Shoes" is the absolute worst. Everything about that goddamned stupid song, the singing, instrumentals, the smarmy words....who wrote that gag inducing garbage?
- New favorite
- When I die and go to heaven, there will be no such thing as Christmas.
- You won't hear this in Macy's.
- BITTER WITHY
As it fell out on a high holiday
Small rain from the sky did fall
Sweet Jesus asked of his own mother dear
Whether he might play at ball
To play, to play, dear child she did say
It's time that you have been gone
And don't let me hear complaints about you
At night when you do come home
Now our Savior walked down into yonder town
As far as the holy, holy well
And there he met three of the finest children
That ever any tongue could tell
Good morn, good morn, good morn, said they
Good morning, then said he, said he
Now which of you three fine children
Will play at ball with me
Oh we are lords and ladies sons
Born in a bowery hall
And you are but a maiden's child
Born in an oxen stall
Now our savior built a bridge with the beams of the sun
and over the water ran he, ran he
And the three jolly children followed after him
And drowned they were all three
The upward ball and the downward ball
Their mothers they did wail and squall
Saying, Mary mild, fetch home your child
For ours are drownded all
Then Mary mild picked a handful of withies
And laid our dear savior across her knee
And with that handful of withy twigs
She gave him slashes three
Oh cursed be to the bitter withy
That has caused me to smart, to smart
And that shall be the very first tree
That shall perish right at the heart
- Bette Davis did a good cover version of "Feliz Navidad."
- [quote]the push to make Joni Mitchell's dreary "River" a Christmas standard-
It's mostly gone this year.
- Run, Run Rudolph! Awful!
- "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses.
Makes me want to rip my ears off.
- No one chimed in on "Rockin Little Christmas?"
Jingle, jingle. Jingle my bells.
- Any Christmas song by Taylor Swift
- Im not sure if anyone mentioned it but Gaga made a trully awful Christmas song. im not an old prude or anything but the song was trully vulgar and distasteful.
- [quote]When I die and go to heaven, there will be no such thing as Christmas.
Every day is Christmas in Heaven!
- That John Lennon song is the most annoying. It has a choir of children singing on it, for god's sake. What is the actual title of it? I've seen maybe five variations on it in the responses to this thread.
Paul McCartney's "Simply Having" isn't great, but at least it's uptempo and weird.
The Phil Spector album is indeed awesome. Damn, those colored girls could sing.
Mariah Carey's big Xmas hit is great. Excellent singing (Carey's lead and the backups), 60s girl group stylings, lyrics that are easy to ignore (I don't think I know any of them, despite hearing the song dozens of times each year for the past 20 years).
The Waitresses' "Christmas Wrapping" is awful.
Does anyone know what newish song has the refrain "oh what a Christmas it waszh"? I heard it in Old Navy; it sounded like Lana del Rey but I guess it wasn't.
- Bruce Springsteen's terrible, awful, nails-on-a-chalkboard version of "Santa Claus is coming to town."
- If you're ever thinking of killing yourself, but need just a LITTLE more incentive, try playing Marlene Dietrich's version of the "Little Drummer Boy." It is SO ponderous and leaden, you won't even make it to the final "pah-rum-pah-pah-pum."
- This is worse than "The Christmas Shoes" which, in and of itself, elicits a perverse respect out of me.
Someone upthread hates "I'll Be Home For Christmas."
That astounds me only because the manipulative little twist to the song is that the singer will NOT be home for Christmas; just the kind of sappy sentiment that makes it the perfect Christmas song, and , oh, do I love it.
- They play this one in DC on our local radio stations. It's worse than every other song posted here. Worse than The Christmas Shoes.
Anyone else familiar with it?
- Aww Christmas Mouse, where are you when we need you? Some nasty bitch is fucking Christmas right in the ass as we speak!
- "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" is the most presumptuous piece of shit ever written. I hate it more than red and green [italic]anything[/italic]. Doesn't matter whose version. They all suck Rudolph's balls. I'm glad Phil Spector left it off his Christmas album, the only one I really like (though I'd like Linda Ronstadt's more if she had left off the insipid "River").
- As soon as Andy Williams croons "Happy holidays..." I reach for the remote. That song has the dumbest lyrics, ever: "He'll be comin' down the chimney down." With a full orchestra and chorus, not one person said, "The lyrics don't make sense"?
- Sometimes, it's not the song that's a problem; it's the singer that is awful.
There's a duet of "The First Noel" by Josh Groban and Celine Dion. He sings it very well. She doesn't sing - she moans, screeches, and screams. The woman has no sense for lyrics. She shouts and hollers when the lyrics call for a peaceful interpretation.
- [quote]It is SO ponderous and leaden, you won't even make it to the final "pah-rum-pah-pah-pum."
I thought it ended with "pah-rum-pah-pum-pum."
- I detest "Twelve Days Of Christmas". It always took so damn long to sing.
- "Dominick The Italian Christmas Donkey"
- "Santa Baby" NeNe Leakes
- White christmas