What should I get Aunt Ida?

For the holidays? I want it to be a truly great gift. These are the following choices, based on what she likes: A couple of Dorothea Benton Frank novels A Liza CD ("Confessions" or "Minelli on Minelli") NOISES OFF on DVD. (You can get it for practically nothing.) A book on knitting.

• Some sherry and mink oil for her leather bodysuit.

• Does she want some scrambled eggs?

• A gift certificate for Christian Mingle.

• Excuse me, but... "It's 'M-I-Double N' then 'E-Double L-I'...That's the way you spell 'MINNELLI'...!!!"

  Liza - with a damn "Z"!

• Get her a fruit cake.

  Clark%20Griswald

• I don't want no fuckin' eggs, little girl.

  Aunt%20Ida

• [quote]I want it to be a truly great gift. Well, nothing on your list is "truly great", but, if these are what she likes, get her everything on your list, you cheap-ass.

• A hook for her missing arm, or Dawn Pigport's head on a platter?

• Get her one of these,...

  http://www.crazy-ass-sex-toys.com/dildos.htm

• A nice beautician boyfriend for Gator.

• An appointment with Arthur in the Afternoon.

• Sizemeat of course.

  Mrs%20Patrick%20Campbell%27s%20used%20tampon