Inspired by the linked thread, what dinner or house guests from hell have you had to deal with? Have you been such a guest?
A friend asked if he could sleep on my couch while he was going through a divorce. What he didn't say, and I didn't know, is that the stress of the divorce had caused him to relapse into alcoholism again and that what he really wanted to do was come home, watch tv, and polish off a pint or two of vodka every night, often spilling it as he fell into a drunken stupor.
I finally had to tell him to get into treatment or get out (he chose the latter). I never did get the alcohol stains and smell out of my couch.
The friend who came over for a beer when I was living at home. He put on one of my mothers dresses and got so drunk he passed out in pool of puke. He then woke me up at 4am to apologize and got into my bed saying he wanted to make it up to me and needed to be punished. I told him he could do both by getting the fuck out of my home and walking home stinking of puke and beer.
I tried to help this guy out. He ended up in jail over in Utah for crack. I bailed him out, got him back to NYC, found him a job (twice) and a place to live. He swore he gave up the crack. He was amazingly good at hiding it from me. But then the friend he moved in with told me he was bringing dealers in off the street and he had to go. I never asked him for the money back. And he's never asked for our friendship back.
[quote]He swore he gave up the crack. He was amazingly good at hiding it from me
They often are. If you can hide from self the true magnitude of what your addiction destroys, you sure as shit can hide the addiction from others.
My husband's stepmother had 12 electro shock treatments this summer to help treat her depression. She was here for 3 days this weekend. She seemed very confused during normal conversations, and slept a lot while she was here. It was very sad to see her.
R5 - her depression was bad enough that she had EST? I didn't even think they still did it.
R2 - your story is actually kind of hilarious - like a bad sitcom storyline.
When I was fairly young and just starting out, I lived in a small studio apartment (700 sq. ft.) in the Northwest (Nob Hill) district of Portland. My sister in Minnesota told me this nice 18 year-old guy whom she knew from her coffee shop, who had been informally adopted by the owner (a gay guy in his 40s), was taking a backpacking trip through the Pacific NW and wanted to crash at my place. Thinking it was just going to be for a few nights (since he was spending just a few nights in other major cities). The kid came to my place, and I instantly saw why my sister's gay friend had "adopted" him: he was a handsome kid and a real con artist.
Well, after a whole week of him staying with me and eating my food and paying no rent, I asked him how much longer he was staying. "Oh, for a few weeks or so--maybe a few months if you'll let me." A few weeks! I told him he had to be out in three days (realize I had never met him before he came to stay, and my sister had only known him for two months). He immediately called my sister's friend (who I didn't really know), who called me up upset I wouldn't let the kid stay for longer. I was very firm, and the kid went on.
Well, a few months after the kid got back to Minnesota he robbed the guy he had been staying with and cleared out for good. I told my sister after that I would always put her up and her husband and her kids, but never again would I put up any friend of hers I didn't know myself.
My partner and I lived in Denver. He had cousins in Nebraska he hadn't seen for years. They came for a short visit, they and two children. This was 20 years ago. I still have nightmares.
They were hugely obese. I don't have an issue with people of size. I'll even pay to see them in the carnival. But these people were so large, had so much luggage, and had so many demands that we moved out of our house and slept on air mattresses in an apartment across the street while they visited. We had planned to sleep on a sofa bed and give them the three bedrooms, but they said they liked to stay up really late and the only TV was in the living room.
Without telling us the stretched the visit out four days longer than discussed. When we'd return home to prepare breakfast in the morning the kitchen would a shambles, with pots and pans all over. From late-night snacks. The cupboards were pillaged.
There would be door knobs on the dining table - they kept pulling them off the doors. The wife was the knob-puller. She said twice that we sure had a cheap old house (1880 with original fixtures and fittings).
The son broke a bed, and they all laughed and laughed. Not just a the frame. The mattress had a bend/break in it.
No matter what we cooked it wasn't enough. They would run out before dinner and eat dinner, and then return to our place to eat again. And they'd bring more with them. Fried chicken and pizza. Every night.
We took them to the mountains. They all had near-cardiac-arrest from the altitude. They accused us of taking them into danger (Estes Park), but then forgot their respiratory distress when they saw an ice cream shop. Then, after lunch they insisted on stopping at a Wendy's in Loveland, where we sat for an extra hour because they kept depleting the buffet and then demanding to wait until more of their favorite items were restocked. The son destroyed the men's room, apparently massively blocking the plumbing so that it kept flooding up and messing the floor. The Wendy's staff put out a "Restroom Closed" sign and asked them to leave. They all laughed. Well, that's another restroom you did in, they told the son.
And the complaining - the beds (the ones not destroyed) were too small (California King) and too lumpy. The house was too hot. Too cold. The water force wasn't hard enough in the shower. And - my favorite - we were using their visit as an excuse to sleep in a nicer place. Yes, in an empty apartment on the floor, wondering what fresh hell was being done in our house.
And when they left flatware and at least one plate was missing.
This thread, and another recent one about relatives moving in and refusing to leave, serve to create the question of why you allow people to stay in your house. And in some of these cases the guests are strangers. Why on earth don't you people just say no?
R9, does it strike you that the people who post here are accustomed to saying no?
We've said no every time a visit was suggested, after the experience described. Some of us do learn.
R8, your story almost makes it. 6/10. Next time don't add so much..."sitcom" to it.
[quote]They accused us of taking them into danger (Estes Park), but then forgot their respiratory distress when they saw an ice cream shop.
Oh, man. I feel kind of evil for snickering at this, but that is fucking funny.
[quote] I don't have an issue with people of size. I'll even pay to see them in the carnival.
Shortly after my Mom died, a cousin decided I needed help sorting things out.
I had moved back into my mother's house about a year earlier, we knew what was coming, and I was gradually getting rid of nearly 60 years worth of junk while trying to make sure she had adequate nursing care. My father died several years earlier.
I don't want to call them "hoarders" but they did have tax returns, and many other files, dating back to the 1950s.
Cousin and I were close during childhood and teens. He showed up, all 400 lbs of him, and sat and smoked and drank coffee and ate me out of house and home for two weeks. He wore the same clothes, and slept in them, for a week at a time. He never left the house once. He told me to tell him if he started to stink.
The room he slept in reeked of dirty ass.
And he got furious with me for not watching the DVDs he brought with him.
I should have been quicker to say NO, but Mom had just died and I had other considerations.
The visit was open ended, according to him, but it ENDED after two weeks when I asked him to leave.
What a bunch of doormats.
You're right R16.
I'm currently dealing with an ongoing "guest from hell" situation.
My boyfriend has a 19 year old co-worker who he recently became friends with (we're in our mid twenties). The friend was recently laid off from the place where they both used to work. He lives about 20 minutes outside of our town in a rural, isolated area and has no car. For the past several weeks, he has been asking my boyfriend for a ride to our place and has been staying here for one to two nights a week. He and my boyfriend socialize at night, which I don't mind, but then he always proceeds to spend the entire next day lounging around on our couch, eating our food and using my TV. Because of our schedules, I am often home for hours during the day when he is here while my boyfriend is always at work. During this time, the little shit is constantly rude and disrespectful to me. Last week after he had been watching my TV the entire fucking day (and had been up all night doing the same), I asked if I could use it and he responded "Why do YOU need the TV? What do YOU want to watch?" He basically acts like it's his fucking house and this is just typical of the way he treats me. Whenever I ask him to leave or stop using some of my stuff, he demands an explanation why and nothing is ever good enough. I usually just end up saying "Because it's my house," to which he responds - get this - "It's not YOUR HOUSE!" I'm not exactly sure what he means by this bullshit - he might be referring to my house being a rental, or the fact that I share it with my boyfriend. Fuck, I can't believe I'm even spending an iota of energy trying to decipher this fucking crap.
He says he needs to stay at our house occasionally so that he can do things like look for work in town or other important things that he can't do out at his place, but usually he just makes me drive him around to do stupid shit like go to a piercing studio and blow all his remaining money on facial piercings. Last week when he demanded a ride to the his favorite place, the piercing studio, yet AGAIN, I calmly suggested that maybe he should walk there. He stormed out, saying "Fine, you're the one who doesn't want to be friends. Enjoy your alone time. I'm sure you'll be spending lots of time alone in life." As rude as it was, I continued to sit there calmly and said nothing in response to this unhinged dirt bag because I know there is no point.
I've made it pretty clear to my boyfriend that I do not want this asshole lounging around our house being a freeloader anymore. We'll see if he is respectful of my feelings. If not, it will most likely end up being a deal breaker for us. I hate that some little prick could potentially cause an irreparable rift in my relationship, but OTOH, there's no telling if something similar just would have happened down the line anyway.
He's after your man, R18. But you knew that
R18, you are a doormat.
He's straight, R19.
I know this is DL, so cue the "yeah, that's what HE says answers," but I really have no reason to believe that the whole situation is caused by anything other than him being an entitled, freeloading little shit. It's like he lives in another reality and has no concept of social graces. When I first met him he said he was bipolar and not on medication. I didn't see it at first but now I sure fucking do.
Oh yeah, and he can be unexpectedly nice to me just as often as he can be rude, and I think he honestly has no idea why I don't like him.
R 18 cut or uncut?
R18, he might be straight, but still in competition with you, not for sex but for the attention and generosity of your partner.
Borderline Personality Disorder
KICK HIM OUT!
It's people like the ones described by R18 who end up killing the gay men who let them stay with them.
Jesus, R18. Kick the motherfucker out. Now. If the boyfriend balks, tell him to hit the road, too. Something's weird about the whole situation.
My uncle stayed with me and my ex several years ago. He proceeded to insult me several times, passive-aggressive shit about my weight or my driving or my home or whatever. He also pissed all over the floor in the guest bathroom; bled all over the bathroom, too. He didn't clean up or offer to clean up his mess. I only put up with it because I wasn't quite certain that he was truly insulting me. You know how sometimes people can make it seem like you're taking offense over nothing? He did that very well. Finally, my brother told him to leave. And that was that.
I was young then. I have never allowed myself to be in such a fucked up situation again.
my roommate and i took in a casual friend that we knew drank but we didn't realize what a drunk he was. the first few months were okay, we was clean he drank but nothing we could not deal with.
cut to months later, he had a seizure because he tried to give up drinking! we did not know he was that deep into his boozing. as the months went on we would find him passed out the floor. he'd pass out on the couch and then fall into the floor. so embarrassing...
cut to him peeing on the floor in the bathroom because he was so wasted and did not remember doing it. i had had enough. we called his family and gave him 2 week to get our we would have a few of my friends over to take his stuff out onto the street and leave it there.
he never apologized. i had NEVER knows a person with such a sad and deeply alcoholic addiction.
[quote]I only put up with it because I wasn't quite certain that he was truly insulting me. You know how sometimes people can make it seem like you're taking offense over nothing? He did that very well.
R26, this guy is EXACTLY like this. I think it's one of the reasons why my boyfriend has for the most part failed to stick up for me in this situation; it's unclear to him that I'm being insulted too. Many times when I have called this asshole on his shit, he's responded with things like "Fine, be mean!" or "I don't hate you, you know!" or "All I want is to be your friend!" Then when I relent and give him what he wants (like a ride, or more time at our house) he'll be extremely nice to me for a while. Then eventually the cycle starts anew. I've only put up with this shit thus far because I've been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since he's capable of being so nice sometimes (and of making it seem like he's "just joking" when he says something rude and I'm being an uptight humorless ass), but last week it finally dawned on me that he's just fucking crazy, end of story.
I'll admit that I sometimes have a short fuse myself and could handle certain things with more decorum, but I just don't know what the fuck to do with this guy. When I put things bluntly, he acts appalled at how "mean" I'm being (plus my boyfriend gets pissed at me for being rude to the guest). When I try to deal with him politely, he walks all over me (and my boyfriend continues to ignore the situation).
Thanks for the responses, seriously. This guy has been making me feel like the crazy one for too long. Sorry for the multiple lengthy posts, this has just been stressing me out so much.
Oh, and did I mention that when he was laid off and thought he wouldn't be able to make rent, he requested to live with us RENT FREE?! He stupidly spent his last paycheck on hundreds of dollars worth of facial piercings, and had the balls to act as if I should be perfectly okay with taking on his own financial idiocy as my own personal problem. What the fuck?! I completely put my foot down on that to both him and the boyfriend. The boyfriend apparently told him that it would be okay if he lived there if it weren't for me saying no. (Thanks for putting up a united front, babe!) He found out he qualified for unemployment and gets to keep his place, so we'll never have to have that conversation again, thank fuck.
Whoever said BPD might be onto something, even though it's bipolar according to the guy himself.
R28 I would still be mad at my boyfriend if he made it sound like it was me. He didnt put you first, he put his feelings of wanting to be liked by this guy first.
r28, i hope you are trolling because otherwise you are being played.
You sound like a pathetic doormat, r28. I mean no disrespect, I just think you deserve more than this. No one finds someone that can be run all over attractive. Period. Some feel they can *use* that but it's not a good look or endearing. Kick that guy out and keep it moving.
R18 he sounds like R1 from most of our threads.
Jesus R28, you deserve to be stuck with that parasite AND your loser BF who won't support or defend you. Why are you enabling a freeloader to act like a child who resents his parents who expect him to clean his room? You are not responsible for that piece of trash. Here are your instructions:
1. Call a locksmith and set a date/time for the locks to be changed.
2. An hour before the locksmith is due to arrive, drive scum sucking, parasite roommate over to the piercing place
3. Come back home in time to meet the locksmith. Get at least three keys to the new lock (one each for you, bf and a spare)
4. Pack up all parasite's shit and put it out at the curb.
5. Breath a sigh of relief and treat yourself to a celebratory martini.
6. Call mealy mouthed, doormat bf and tell him what you did and why. Let him know that he can only have a new key if he agrees to respect and support you in the future, otherwise he will find his shit out at the curb as well.
Judas priest, what the fuck is wrong with you people? If someone asks to stay with you, tell him no! This is one of Data Lounge's greatest doormat threads ever.
Can I stay with one of you?
Fuck, I can't stand the "tea please" bitches when I offer them coffee!
R28 you should defo treat him to a new piercing. having been such a cunty landlord etc. it's the least you can do.
My (straight) roommate in Los Angeles was dating a woman who got herself into housing trouble. She bought a dog for her ten-year-old kid (from a former relationship), knowing full well that her apartment had a strict no-pets policy. Her landlord found about the dog, inevitably, and was kind enough to tell her to get rid of it rather than simply kicking her out.
She ignored the ultimatum, figuring that the landlord wouldn't follow through. She was wrong. He evicted her, keeping her security deposit, of course, and took her to small claims court to force her to pay for recarpeting the apartment. So she and her kid are out on the street with no money to pay for a first/last/security deposit on a new apartment.
So, of course, she begged to be allowed to move in with us, with her sharing my roommate's bedroom and the kid sleeping on the hide-a-bed in the living room. I reluctantly agreed, with the understanding that this was only for a month or two, long enough for her to build up a cash reserve and find her own place.
Fast forward four months and she, the dog, and the kid, are still there, and she hasn't paid a dime of rent. So I ask her how the apartment hunting is going. She hems and haws a bit and it becomes pretty clear that she really likes the sweet deal she has going on right now and that she has no intention of moving, or of contributing.
So I talk to my roommate and he says he doesn't like it much better than I do but he's too much of a wimp to kick her out because she is his girlfriend, after all. If I want her out, I have to be the bad guy.
Fortunately, by this time I no longer have a problem with being the bad guy, since I'm fed up sharing a small two-bedroom/one-bath apartment with my roommate, his dog, her, her dog, and her child. So I gave her notice that she had to be gone by the end of the month. She immediately went running to my roommate, who (truthfully) told her that he couldn't do anything about it, since the apartment was in my name.
For the next two weeks, she worked on both of us with everything she had. None of it worked on me but she finally convinced him to move out with her and pay the bulk of the money necessary to move into a rented house, at nearly double the cost of the two-bedroom apartment he had been sharing with me. So his costs didn't just double, they quadrupled, since she still wasn't paying anything.
All I can say is that I hope the screwing he was getting was worth the screwing he was getting!
R26 - wait a minute - "he bled all over the floor". Nobody else noticed this?! Why was he bleeding all over the floor?
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