I bet most of us have lost someone due to accidental death -car wrecks, falls, etc. Have you ever lost a close relative or friend this way? What was the shock and grief like?
What the hell do you think it was like Idiot!
Huge shock. my mother died in an accident when I was a teen, it just felt like shock, I could barely think or breathe. Terrible, I wouldn't wish it upon an enemy even.
My mother died in a house fire, it was the smoke that got her. She went into a coma and died 3 days later in the hospital.
The night of the fire my sister called me from the hospital to inform me what had happened. At that time they said she had a 10% chance of recovery, so there I was at midnight with the phone to my ear finding out I was having to say my final goodbyes to my comatose mother.
The last one was my uncle in a car accident. He had lived with us for most of my teenage years, so the shock was pretty overwhelming. For me, it took about two years for it to even feel real. It was just over four years ago, and my mother (who was more like a mother than a sister to him) says she sometimes still can't believe it.
It hasn't happened to me, but I would assume because of the surprise ... you go into a fog for days. Things go in slow motion.
My aunt drowned while swimming at the YMCA. My father was crushed. He was like a big brother to her even though she was older. That was the first sad thing that happened in my family, but definitely not the last.
When I was in my early 20's, I had 6 friends die in accidental deaths. Car wrecks, 2 accidental falls from buildings, and a total freak thing I won't go into.
One of them was my best friend who accidentally fell off the top of a 3 story building. There was a small rooftop party going on, and she and a couple of others went to sit on the edge... 2 of them sat down, but the edge of the top/bricks fell away as she went to sit down, and she fell. She was in a coma for a week before her parents took her off life support.
It was an awful situation. We were a close knit group of friends and we all kind of leaned on each other to deal. We all slept in the same house/room for a week, because it was too horrible to be alone. Her parents asked us to arrange a memorial service in our city for her since they lived 500+ miles away (in any way we thought was appropriate.) We had a short service in her favourite park in the city.
Personally, I was really fucked up for a good 3-4 months about it. And then the next friend died, and set me on a loop for that one...
Wow. It hasn't happened to me. I can't imagine your pain and grief. My heart goes out to all of you.
I know a guy whose dad died by tripping and breaking his neck while getting out of bed one morning.
Lost my brother in a freak accident. He was a very talented, successful, smart man.
For months afterward I felt like I had swallowed a bunch of lead sinkers and someone was trying to pull them out. I had no energy and dragged myself from place to place. Put on weight and drank a lot. Could not stand to be around many people at a time -- hated parties and work events.
We were a close family and this event had repercussions that have not stopped. It has accelerated the aging process for my parents. And my brother's kids have had a lot of problems finding their way.
We were pretty lucky for a long time and maybe that's why it hit so hard.
Friend of mine murdered.
Oh Nina I loved you. You were always too trusting...
When I was 16 I came home one day from school during lunch break. My mom was out at the time and the phone rang. It was my mom's sister-in-law. She sounded "shaky" and asked to speak with my mom. I told her she wasn't in but would pass along a message, to which she replied that her husband (my mom's brother and my uncle) had been killed in an "industrial accident" (an explosion that killed a second man and paralyzed a third). All I can remember saying was along the lines of "Oh my god, I'm so sorry" and promised to have my mom contact her as soon as possible.
I then called my dad at work to tell him what happened, and he left his office immediately to return home to be with my mom when she got back. Unfortunately dad didn't get home in time and it was up to me to break the news to her. Although I hadn't been crying and had said nothing, she immediately read my face that something was wrong and implored me to tell her. Needless to say that remains the worst thing I've ever had to tell anyone.
A friend drowned while trying to save someone whom I also knew, though less well (we all worked together). She drowned too. It was particularly hard because the story was on the front page of the paper. And the beach near where he drowned is a popular, local recreation spot. My most recent high school reunion (an informal one) took place there and friends, who know I ordinarily love the beach, suggest day trips there in the summer. When I tell people why I don't want to go, they're always mortified. I tell them, "It was years ago." But I still don't feel like partying there.
[quote]Car wrecks, 2 accidental falls from buildings, and a total freak thing I won't go into.
...but now we're really curious!
R7's best friends were Lindsay Lohan, Jayne Mansfield, Karl Wallenda, and Yasser Arafat.
...Picturing a dinner party of that scenario. All of us in formal attire, tuxes on the men, gowns and long gloves on the women... all of us highly suspicious of Lohan, who can't move her facial muscles and keeps disappearing from the table.
Only the girl who fell from the building was my best friend. The others were just good friends and a guy I had just started dating a month prior (but had known for a yr or so.)
for R15, The freak thing was an accidental death by fire. To my recollection (this was almost 20 yrs ago) it was never quite figured all out, beyond the fact she was in her studio/workshop and there were a ton of flammable solvents/ etc in there. It was mostly likely she was smoking or doing some small welding work and a spark/ash flew off. That's the one I really don't like to think too much about as the others died immediately (or were in a coma), so they hopefully weren't aware of the pain.
Like R10, I took to drinking a lot after each one and didn't like being around many people, certainly not parties. Being as young as we were, they were my first real experiences with death beyond elderly grandparents or neighbors. I felt like no one could understand the hurt and confusion I was feeling and this hole inside of my chest and the knowing that life could all end in a flash, no matter how careful or conscientious you were.
The older you get, the more people you know drop like flies and accidental or not, I can't take it.
[quote]The older you get, the more people you know drop like flies and accidental or not, I can't take it.
Well you have to. That's the way it is.
I guess I've been lucky. not many accidental deaths in the family. My mom's father was killed when she was 8. She recalls that he was a big good-looking guy. Everyone liked him. He fells from a tree, only 13 feet. But he hit his head on a branch. I had a cousin die while deer hunting three years ago. He had a heart attack while dragging his buck out of the forest. At his funeral, his wife had a very blurry photo framed on his casket. It was a blown up cell phone picture of my cousins with his buck 5 minutes before he died. Morbid, if you ask me.
My cousin's husband was in a fatal car accident about a decade ago. He was traveling with their young son, who was ejected from the car. Turns out, the husband had fallen asleep and swerved into the median. Fortunately, my little cousin (his son, who was only about 2 at the time) was found by a trucker, crawling on the side of the road. He still has scars on his face, but he's grown up to be a smart and well behaved young guy.
The freakiest accidental death I know about, but didn't witness, happened in front of a (former) friend:
In high school, he was hanging out with friends, and two of them were playing with a loaded handgun. It went off and one of his good friends was shot in the head. I think it really had an impact on the guy because he's awkward with guns (we were in the military together, and it surprised me when he performed poorly on his weapons qualification test).
A slew....cousin drinking after work at the South Street Seaport, feel from the top of the third floor escalator down to the lobby.....friends canoeing in Alaska- one drops his camera overboard and dives in to save it-drowns. They did not find the body till the Spring thaw.....one somewhat distant relative was having his picture taken on the embankment of the Hoover Dam, fell over the edge 800 feet straight down while all cameras where on him, mom friend just bought her daughter a kalidiscope at a craft fair, child got bored with it on the drive home and tossed it into the front seat, mom reached down to get it off the passenger side floor, she veered and a semi hit them head on. Daughter survived....
Now, if you want to start a thread about suicides...................
R7 R17 thinks he's fascinating.
This happened to a family friend ...
Her younger brother loved to eat peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. One day her mother came home to find him dead on the couch after school; he shoved so much peanut butter into his mouth, he choked.
Who 'killed'' the Paul Newman thread?
This thread does not exist any longer.
Who did that and why?
Mean people you are!
R23 No, I don't. I was answering the question honestly.
But, cheers for showing the DL prerequisite amount of snark and lack of compassion... never surprises me how hateful some people on here are.
One of my closest friends lost his daughter to a sky diving accident. She was a competitive skydiver as well as an attorney, very accomplished. The accident happened in front of her husband who jumped first. My friend suffered a stroke two weeks ago. He is in bad shape, and we are coming up on the second anniversary of her death. Both of his uncles commited suicide decades ago, one killed his wife and child in the process. Not saying that the family is cursed but I have known them for thirty years and there is a cloud of depression that never quite goes away.
God, you're a waste of space R23. Thanks, R7, for smart and interesting contributions.
Dear Lord, where do some of you people live?
Llanview or Port Charles?