Mutiny, Streaking and German Meat Chips: The Rihanna Plane Has Officially Descended Into Madness
Has this been posted? If not, you have got to start following this shit! Rihanna's 7 day tour is a circus! It's not being serialized by Gawker. Pix, tweets, candid Youtube video of streaker on plane, everything.
Here's the beginning of the first article...
[quote]The Rihanna plane, which earlier today was on the verge of anarchy, officially descended into total chaos somewhere between Berlin and London. Journalists are chanting, Australians are streaking, and passengers are being forced to consume strange foods.
Now go click on the link. LMFAO
This is how it started before it went to hell.
"What’s Happening on the Rihanna Plane? Dispatches from the Front Line"
What Rihanna said on the plane intercom:
"Theres an emergency. Code 777. Everybody buckle up your seat belts! LETS GET DRUUUNK!" #777Tour
Wow. @rihanna just gave everyone on the plane a diamond! Conflict free too. Sweet. #777Tour
‘Rihanna Is Keeping Us From Sleeping or Eating or Going Outside or Using a Bathroom’
Last Wednesday, more than 150 fans and journalists boarded a Boeing 777 with pop-star Rihanna, heading out for a seven-day, seven-country, seven-concert tour imaginatively entitled #777Tour. But after a frenzied, drunken take-off, the tour has descended into naked, mutinous madness, led by the wild, nude, harmonica-playing Australian contingent.
Seven glamorous cities (or, okay — six and Toronto) [lol stfu gawker] enjoying a private plane, intimate performances, free hotels and star-studded after parties with Rihanna.
Even if you're not the biggest fan of her or even of pop music, it doesn't sound so bad. Some of us bragged on Facebook and Twitter. Our friends asked: would there be WEEEEEEED on the plane? Would Chris Brown show up? Are you going to try to have SEX with her?
And we were like, Totally, guys. Totally. I'd be lying if I say I wasn't doing a whole lot of hubristic "U MAD?"-ing to blogger friends and people who made fun of my teeth in high school.
And at first, it all seemed like it was going to go so well. She "interacted" with us on the first day, sloppily pouring champagne into our outstretched plastic tumblers, demanding that we spend the week "partying" with her, and even challenging a sexy young English journalist to a "Zoolander"-style plane aisle walk-off.
Maybe, MAYBE I idly entertained thoughts of Rihanna and me, walking arm and arm into one of those cheap nail salons. We'd wear huge-logo sunglasses and read about her in foot-bath-splashed US magazines, still so giddy from brunch that I tell that dude-with-the-funny-balls-story that even the nail technicians laugh softly while gently removing her previous Swarovski gel pedi.
But after that first, coruscating appearance, Rihanna was gone. And I do mean gone.
I hesitate to say that she looked visibly drunk or generally "on some of the hard shit" during her performances, so let me just say that we came to expect a three hour delay before she went on every night.
She barely does any of her own singing, which isn't a huge pearl-clutcher, but at least Britney danced a little. For Rihanna, just licking her lips during a song constitutes a taxing, elaborate physical routine that deserves a couple of mid-performance tequila shots.
The fans who won seats on the plane from radio and Internet promotions went from feeling a little disappointed that they hadn't seen more of the main attraction to wondering miserably when they'd be able to sleep or go home. That is not something you're supposed to feel when you win a fabulous contest, probably.
The journalists agonized vocally and collectively about how to post anything resembling newsworthy on a daily basis. What do you file when you are rarely allowed outside of buses or planes or hotel "day stays" (read: naps, for those who can take them) except to see some visibly bored Barbadian wearing a t-shirt as a dress doing robotic, indifferent karaoke?
The shows are hilariously rote. "What the fuck is up, Mexico City?" "What the fuck is up, Toronto?" "What the fuck is up, Paris?" "What the fuck is up, [Insert Epcot Center City Here]?" followed by a tight sixty minutes of lip synching and lethargic thigh-slapping.
At least Johnny Cash did his own singing, and when he was too drunk to do that, occasionally collapsed into the footlights to give everybody a little thrill.
The parts we love the best are when she "ad libs," gives a "special fan" an HTC phone (hahahahhahahahah), or pretends like she "just heard" someone request "What's My Name?", which she somehow sings while holding the mic at her crotch, air-chewing invisible Big League Chew and staring into the wings.
Please don't misunderstand: we were mostly all VERY excited to be a part of this.
But this was work for a lot of us, and one person was basically responsible for not only regularly keeping us from doing our jobs, but from sleeping or eating or going outside or even using a bathroom.
A frequent complaint on the trip? Some variation of "I want a glass of water so badly, but I guess I should be glad I don't, because then I'd have to pee."
It is hard to pee when you are trapped on a bus with no bathrooms for hours and hours because you don't know when you can board your plane. I get the vitriol being directed at the press here. We're on a free trip to Europe (fun!) and with Rihanna (again, theoretically fun!) and drink from the jet's copious Ace supply (D.C. al Fine!). But if being upset that we couldn't work, drink water or piss regularly makes us privileged dicks, I guess we're privileged dicks.
OK, there have been some bright spots. When we ARE on the plane, we are fed and kept in fluids alcoholic and non by the incredible flight crew. They. Are. Excellent. Let it not go unmentioned that the staff of the 777 have treated us like gold. They are working hard and are excellent company and great sports.
Additionally, as on most awful press trips, the camaraderie is unparalleled. As Fuse's Esteban Serran pointed out, the "riot" was almost a good thing for the journalists: "We were looking for a story, and we've turned out to be the story." I'd go a step further and say, "Delirious and denied a story, some drunk Aussies made one."
Many of us here have gone on tour with artists before, but none of us recalls being on one where they didn't make sure we were at least able to bathe and sleep or get a modicum of taxed-but-gracious face time with the artist. Omarion was brought up as a shining example, if that gives you some perspective.
If you resent the Rihannaplane 150 that's fine. We understand. We would resent us if we were not here.
But please picture what it would be like going to your job if there was no toilet, kitchen, water fountain, faucet, or lunch break, and instead of going home at the end of the night, they made you wait standing up in an airport while the person responsible for determining when you go home laid around getting fucked up and wearing European money like pasties. (Note: it's not even European money. It's fake Canadian money. NAGL.)
That's the clearest way I can try to explain what might seem to the outside observer to be a disproportionate discontent on an otherwise once-in-a-lifetime sort of opportunity.
And to the good (seriously, good) people running to 777 Tour for IDJ and UMG, let me paraphrase Mary Poppins, "Though we adore you individually, we agree that as an idea, this was rather stupid."
*Incidentally, it's been fun to hear from the commentariat who wish we would crash. You seem really great; hope they put you on the next Rihannaplane.
Reporters are now saying they're being held hostage on the plane by Rihanna. lmao
This is going to be the big news of the day. What a disaster.
There's a video of Rihanna performing in London during this, and she goes off on the band. The show was streamed for the web last night.
[quote]It's not being serialized by Gawker
That should be *now
Rihanna clearly doesn't want to do this (who could blame her) so it was a bad decision from the start.
She is so off the rails. It's a shame on a very human level, forget celebrity.
I see a Britney style meltdown in her near future...
Her new CD look to debut at the top of the Billboard album charts nest week and her new single "Diamonds" seems poised to be #1 as well. So I guess all this bother was worth it after all.
If Chris finishes the job next time, will this be for nothing?
Where's a terrorist when you need one?
I have to say that I was totally indifferent towards her until about a couple of weeks ago when I could not go through a single day without hearing about this woman. I don't know that I've ever gone so quickly to hate before, but I'm sick to death of her and hope she winds up wherever Paris Hilton is.
Has anyone ever seen her live before? Can she actually sing?
I'm hoping the plane crashes in some remote location and the passengers and crew have to resort to cannibalism to survive, just like some Uruguayan soccer team.
She can not, can not dance, can not play an instrument or write music. She is simply a prop, a thing. All she has is her body which is why she's naked about 99% of the time.
She also can't move albums, she's a singles artist. Which is probably why she's CONSTANTLY putting out albums and singles and never takes a break. If she went away for a while nobody would miss her and her career would be kaput.
meant to write cannot sing.
Slap her, Willona!
Howard EVISCERATES Rianna or however the FUCK you spell her name.
When doe she actually take a break? She literally releases an album every year. She should leave the spotlight for a while and get her shit together.
Her new single 'Diamonds' fucking sucks.
Let's be honest. It would be hi-larious if that plane crashed.
[quote]She can not, can not dance, can not play an instrument
Her new album is actually great. Best pop album of the year.
Releasing one album per year is what people did all the time back in the 80s. It's what you have to do today, or you'll be forgotten. It's public demand.
She's going to break records -- most #1s, most top 10s. She's only been out for 7 years. She has youth on her side as well.
Rihanna is now tied with The Supremes, and Madonna for most #1s, 12 so far. Poor Madge. 30 years to rake up 12, and she had the added bonus of the music video.
[quote]In its third week on the charts, Rihanna’s “Diamonds” has dethroned Maroon 5′s “One More Night” at the top of the Billboard Hot 100, securing Rihanna’s seat as one of the biggest hitmakers of all time. This is the Bajan singer’s twelfth stay atop the Hot 100, which ranks her in a fourth place tie amongst the chart’s most frequent visitors.
[quote]Rihanna finds herself tied with Madonna and The Supremes in terms of number one hits, with only Michael Jackson (13), Mariah Carey (18), and The Beatles (20) standing in her way. Elvis Presley’s career began before the Hot 100 was initiated, but if you count his career number ones including the pre-Hot 100 hits, he has seventeen.
[quote]If Rihanna has another number one up her sleeve on Unapologetic, which seems like a possibility, she’ll be tied with Michael Jackson.
At least she works damn hard, and she's a fashion icon. Yes, oldsters -- A FASHION ICON. Let that sink in, and deal with it. lol
Judging by the reviews of her concerts she doesn't work hard at all. She's not involved in her music at all, she just shows up and records whatever songs are bought for her. Her stage show is lazy. And now she seems like a drunk and an addict.
And Diamonds fucking sucks and I say that as somebody who has liked a few of her songs in the past.
[quote]Judging by the reviews of her concerts she doesn't work hard at all. She's not involved in her music at all, she just shows up and records whatever songs are bought for her. Her stage show is lazy. And now she seems like a drunk and an addict.
And Diamonds fucking sucks and I say that as somebody who has liked a few of her songs in the past.