33 years old, never been in a relationship.

Will I ever find a guy? I doubt it. My self esteem has been in the shitter all my life, but only recently have I become aware of this.

• You might as well hang it up!

• Are you a virgin, op?

• you will. you just gotta keep trying. and sometimes it will hurt. can the six of you left of here who don't give head to friends and strangers at least once a week possibly give this 33 year old some advice on where to meet guys in situations that aren't governed by USDA grading standards?

• op cut or uncut? hairy hole?

• You seem to be full of advice, R3. Keep talking. did your mother called you a slut before she gave you advice?

• lt's only a problem if you choose to make it one, which is not necessarily wrong, but keep in mind for the sake of perspective, that your circumstances are not a bad thing either; you are still very young in the scheme of things after all

• Are you/were you enormously fat? If you're not fat, and you're presentable, there's still hope. But not a lot of time. You've got about 4-5 good years. Make up a completely fictional past. You were with one lover for years, but broke up. Or a series of several lovers. Do not do not do NOT let on that you've never been in a relationship or (shudder) are a virgin. Because no gay guy over 25 is gonna want to touch that. I really do wish you luck. But getting what you want means essentially lying about who you are. Welcome to gay male life.

• Is English R5's first language?

• Only if you really want a relationship and all that goes with it. Sacrifice, exposing yourself completely, giving up part of yourself, devoting yourself to someone. Can you handle all of this? If yes then you will find someone.

• OP, my gay relationships have left a lot to be desired. I have seriously been considering going back in the closet. Here in NYC, I am constantly amazed at how much more luck I'd have if I was in the hetero dating pool.

• How's this, R8? Shove it up your faggot ass.

• Safe to say we don't want advice from R11.

• R3 is being a bit of an ass as well. There's nothing wrong with fooling around, OP. It will give you a better perspective on who can fulfill your needs. You'll be fine. My oldest friend didn't settle down until he was 40. he's been happily partnered for 20 years.

• Is that the best you can do, R5/R11? It's best to keep mum if that's the only English you can produce.

• OP = JESUS!

• [quote] OP = JESUS! Yikes, well, skip the advice. We know how this one turns out. I didn't realize he was back in town.

• Does someone with such low self esteem deserve to be in a relationship?

• r17 is a bitch

• Yes. Diamond in the rough. And perhaps the intervening years have taught him a few things that will help him treat people with kindness and respect in addition to a good rogering.

• I'm just turning 30 and the longest i had was 8 months at the end of grade 12 / start of university. Since then nothing more than 4 months. Trying to start something now. I don't think it is really helpful to dwell on feelings that you've missed out on things. I've seen a lot of friends in their 20s suffer through unbalanced relationships and relationships driven by inertia and mutual fear of being alone. Actually being solitary and choosing when to be with somebody takes more courage in some ways. Just try to stay open to possibilities and don't go into things with a big checklist of requirements. You have the power to control when you jump into bed with someone and when you want to just learn more about them first.

• I met my first long -term bf at 34, OP. We lived together for 4 years of misery. There, did that cheer you up?

• Listen to r19

• OP, it's a waste of time to be in a relationship. I get much more satisfaction sleeping around/having fuck buddies than being trapped in a relationship. Just get on grindr or scruff while strolling through Hell's Kitchen and you'll be getting laid in no time. Your self esteem will go through the roof.

• If it was so miserable, then why were you living with him for FOUR years, R21? Were you together for a very long time before it became miserable, or what?

• There are things you can do to boost your self-esteem, OP. If you don't already, start getting some regular moderate exercise - it'll not only make you look better but it'll boost your overall sense of well-being. Also, don't fall into the common trap of negative exceptionalism. You're far from the only person with self-worth issues. Many, many people, including many of those who appear to have it all, are lacking in self-esteem - it's part of being human in this day and age. We're always teased with an ideal which few of us live up to. What have you done to try and meet people? If you don't get out there and try, you can't complain if nothing happens. Good luck.

• Only after a long time, of really trying someone, I met my current boyfriend online. Not an online hookup site, but a dating one! GASP! I was about to close the account before I managed to initiate a message. He was impressed with my forthcoming and decisive attitude, I suggested that we really ought to give each other a chance before making final judgements. He considered it a blind date. And so far, the relationship is going well. So it appears that there is some hope. But don't expect things to happen on your timetable. They will happen in due course when ready. All I can say is be open to possibilities, don't be judgmental, and be willing to compromise. A change of attitude is worth more than a change of appearance. That takes more work.

  anon

• OP, maybe your Princeton cousin can help you out.

• OP, don't listen to the naysayers or those who immediately assume either you're fat or that less than Adonis-looking men never find romantic happiness. I had my first relationship when I was 23 and it lasted for six up-and-down years. (We broke up, and then he died--not cause and effect, just an explanation of the mixed reasons it ended when it did). It took eight years, but I then was introduced to another man, twenty years my senior, and we have been together seventeen years. I am fat (though less so than I was seventeen years ago) and he is clearly unforgivably old (by DL standards), but he couldn't have been a better match for my values and needs--smart, caring, loyal. (And not a sugar daddy, though generous when it helps to be). I do think it helps for men over thirty or who do not meet the exacting standards of mainstream gay culture in terms of looks, to take stock of their own kinds of desirability and positive attributes and to look beyond the surface. That's what lasts, in my experience.

• If something happens to you more than once or twice, you can better believe it's you. By 33 you should have had at least 3 serious relationships. Most 'mos never have them because homosexual life is not a part of monogamy. You simply go from trick to trick, picking up STI and wishing for what will never happen.

• R20, I don't think the OP and people like the OP are "choosing when to be with somebody". The OP is saying that he has had few, if any, options - meaning people are not asking him out on dates very often if at all. Or that if he has a date it never goes anywhere or is very short-lived. R20, you seem to think the OP and people like the OP are in control of the situation and "chooseing when to be with somebody". The OP is saying he never has the option of being with anyone as no one is showing interest in him, or if anyone ever does, it is a short-lived interest.

• [quote]By 33 you should have had at least 3 serious relationships. Really? I'm 50 and have never had ONE relationship let alone three, but whatever.

• R32, How do you deal with that?

• I understand how you feel, OP. I'm 26 years old, and I'm in the beginning stages of my first relationship. I always thought that a relationship was never gonna happen for me, due to my looks. I'm at best "cute", but the guys that would check me out were not my type at all. And the guys I checked out didn't want anything to do with me. What was frustrating for me is that I wasn't being picky at all. I wasn't looking for a six-pack model looking man; I don't look like that and I wasn't expecting to land a man that looked like that. For me, personally, I look at a man's face and hair. If those things are sexy to me, then that's all that matters, looks wise. I finally landed a guy who is not only sexy, but sweet and caring. I still can't believe my luck!! :-) Anyway, OP, have you looked outside where you live? I mean, have you looked in another city? Because the guy I'm seeing lives in another city that's somewhat far from me, but we make it work. Do you have an age limit? The guy I'm seeing is older than me, but looks much younger. Try websites like match, or maybe adam4adam. Yes, I know that's a hookup site, but it is possible to meet a genuine guy on there that wants more than a hookup. That's how I met the guy I'm seeing. Good luck OP, hope you find a guy who sees you for who you are and likes what he sees.

• R32, I just don't dwell on it - I suppose if I really wanted to have a relationship I guess I'd try to do something about it, but I don't think I want one and after all this time I don't think I'm even capable of ever being in one to begin with.

• Over 30 and no history of serious relationships? Damaged goods. Gay men will judge you quickly as damaged goods, and not give you another thought. It's unfair, but that's why I urged OP upthread to manufacture a lover or two in his past.

• Op, my brother is single. He's on parole in Northern California & super nice. You would like him.

• 55 here and same thing. And a virgin. I gave up.

• Good luck, OP. Be yourself - assuming you have ethics and brush your teeth and don't smell of basement taxidermy - and show kind and sociable interest in the people around you. There is no Relationship Tree out there. But if you're a woman posting, never mind. We don't care.

• I'm confused as to where OP being a virgin was mentioned by OP.

• I have you beat, OP. I'm 46 and never been in a relationship. Yes, I'm fat and chubby chasers scare me, in fact, anyone that likes this body scares me. At least, I am female, though.

• Since I already know you to be dumb enough to spend 18 bucks to start this thread, I'm wondering if the problem might be that you are developmentally disabled.

• R40, are you a lesbian or a straight woman?

• Get your self esteem out of the shitter and a dick in it!

• Good luck, OP. Maybe you're just picky? I am. I can't even get a guy to go play air hockey with me. I thought I met someone online willing to do that, but when I showed up at his place he was wearing a goalie mask and had an oxygen mask in his other hand, which I presume was for me. I left. I'm picky, too.

• R40 here, I'm a lesbian.

• "33 years old, never been in a relationship." OP = Jesus.