I've never seen such a terrible review, OP. Wow.
Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?
Has anyone ever told you that your high-wattage passion for no-collar American food makes you television’s answer to Calvin Trillin, if Mr. Trillin bleached his hair, drove a Camaro and drank Boozy Creamsicles?
Christ, it sounds dreadful, but what does one expect in Times Square?
A different review mentioned, almost casually, that the "Rhode Island calamari" were unbreaded rings of squid served in a bread bowl.
My favorite line from the Wells review:
"SERVICE: The well-meaning staff seems to realize that this is not a real restaurant."
Guy Fieri is a total dick, so I enjoyed the NYT review immensely.