under the same circumstances (same family, same birthday, same place you were raised), what would you do different?
I would quit football, which I didn't enjoy, and instead join the speech and drama clubs, which I was too shy and embarrassed to join at the time. I wonder how those classes, experiences, and relationships would have changed me? Would I be better at public speaking? Have betternlifelong friends, more self confidence?
At least I would have avoided knee and shoulder injuries. I wouldn't have hung out with jocks I couldn't relate to and who bullied guys in the locker room. Instead I might have learned skills that would carry over into my adult life. I might have become friends or more with Chris B. who was active in drama.
I wonder how different my life would have been. Dad would have been disappointed, but looking back I think he would have gotten over it.
I would be the biggest whore going. I feel I did not have the opportunity to be sexually creative, to find the things I need both sexually and emotionally. I'm too old now, so I regret that very much. As much as some people on this board seem like total jerks, I envy their experiences and feel that they have lived so much more life in half the number of years.
I would not have spent years floundering around in the arts (because that's what I thought gay men did) and would have started my career much sooner. I've discovered that I'm a much happier patron of the arts than artist.
No sense looking backward, OP...
I would have cashed in my stock options when they were at their peak value.
Would have been nicer to my Mom and Brother.
I would have not cared so much about what other people thought of me...I made this mistake when I started the 6th grade and it stuck with me for such a long time...I lost confidence, friends, and didn't go for opportunities in many areas. I'm 28 now and just really got over it a couple years ago. I'm a nice person but if I could life over again, I wish I would have still been nice, but a bit more selfish, concentrating on what I want.
I'm not tough enough to go through my childhood a second time.
I would never have stayed in the Jehovah's Witnesses. I would have left that cult when I was 18. I wouldn't have been so afraid of my father. I would have cut ties to my two brothers and my older sister sooner than I did.
What R1 said to some degree.
I am tall and uncoordinated, but was recruited for basketball and should have given in to the shorter hairy beary coach's advances.
I wish I had become an architect instead of a librarian.
I would have screamed bloody hell the moment my 7th grade math teacher laid a finger on me...and the school put him back intro the classroom and failed to protect me when they knew what was going on. The moment I turned 18 I should have sued. I am THISCLOSE to posting this with my real name.
I would have never started smoking and I would have made sure my sister, who has just been dx'ed with small cell lung cancer at age 44, never started as well. I don't know if that would have made a difference but it can't have hurt.
Same for my Mom.
I'd have moved but not to the city I ended up in.
I would have cut sugar out of my diet a lot sooner.
I would have never started taking prescription pain medicine, even though I am prescribed it legally and for a legit health matter.
I would not have gone to law school. I would have become either a writer or a journalist. That has always been where my heart is.
I would also have kept in touch with my English teacher whom I was very close to, even after high school. The last postcard I received from her she inscribed, "keep in touch." I did't. She died from cancer a few years after I graduated from law school. I regret it so much.
Hugs to you guys, don't regret the past too much. I am sure you have a lot to offer and enjoy.
I wouldn't have said Viola deserved the Golden Globe.
[quote]I'm not tough enough to go through my childhood a second time.
I wouldn't go through mine a second time either. I'd restart the clock on the day of my high school graduation. Wait a sec. If I *did* go further back, it would be to convince my parents to let me graduate early.
God, what WOULDN'T I do different. I'd do almost EVERYTHING differently.
I would have said something about the abuse when I was younger.
I wouldn't have been so nice and a doormat in jr.high-I would have changed some so called "friends."
I would have studied harder in high school. I was a good student, but I know I could have been even better, perhaps led to a better college.
Having written that, I wouldn't have taken college for granted. I should have changed my major before I started my first semester. I was foolish to think that I should have gone into medicine for the money. I wasn't passionate or even talented in that arena and should have gone for something else.
I wish I would have taken a year off before I went to college.
...But, I still have the rest of my life! :) Still have time to change things. I hope I will find out someday why I had to go through what I went through, why I made such stupid decisions, or rather why it was worth it. I guess I can say that I can somewhat see why, as my parents, uncle, and grandmother have needed my help over the years. If I had eventually graduated in medicine, I would not have had the time to help them.
I grew up in a world where no one dare say the word gay.
As a youngster I had a creative flair. At 11 I was winning blue ribbons at flower arranging shows.
Reality sent me to the military and a post military career in a science field.
My interest in art and artist has been constant throughout my life. I have dabbled in dealing in art and ferreted out numerous pieces of art by listed artist. Made some money at it and have always thought if I a redux was possible I could of had success as an art dealer
Good question, OP. I've been thinking about this issue off and on for years, and come to the conclusion that I really couldn't have done anything significantly differently than what I did at the time. Given the external circumstances (time, place, family, etc.) my personality was my destiny.
Do I wish I had been fitter and therefore more attractive in my high school and college days, with better dress sense? Sure, but I've always hated sports and I never would have stuck out a long-term fitness program.
Do I wish my parents had sent me to better, more liberal and academically challenging prep-type schools where I might have been encouraged to use my high IQ rather than being told to fall in line and keep my mouth shut? Sure, but it was never going to happen, both for ideological and financial reasons.
So I guess I've done okay, and I'm not unhappy with my life as a whole.
I would not have become a lawyer - worse job in the world. I would have also come out sooner instead of staying in the closet to protect certain people from being hurt.
I wouldn't have worn pink.
I would have learned to sing earlier, rather than waiting until my 40s.
I would have spent less time cruising, and more time applying myself to something constructive during my 20s.
I wouldn't have purchased a personal computer - it's an addiction.
[quote]Dad would have been disappointed
YOUR dad. We are not siblings. I have my own dad. So when referring to your dad to people who aren't your siblings, you say "my dad".
I can't stand people who do this. Someone please start a thread on this asinine practice.
Oh, what would I do differently? Not read this stupid thread.
Not do drugs. Ever.
LOL @ R24. I thought I was the only prisspot who hated that. Another pet peeve of mine is people who ask a question of themselves and then answer it.
Example from R19:
[quote]Do I wish I had been fitter and therefore more attractive in my high school and college days, with better dress sense? Sure.
[quote]Do I wish my parents had sent me to better, more liberal and academically challenging prep-type schools where I might have been encouraged to use my high IQ rather than being told to fall in line and keep my mouth shut? Sure
Ugh, just say what you wished you did. No need to embellish by phrasing it as a long ass question.
My life was fucked up from the get-go: birth parents died, spent several years in an orphanage, physically/sexually abused, adopted but became a ward of the state again after my adoptive parents divorced 4 years later, also spent almost a year in a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt at 16, so by the time I was 18 and legal to make my own way/choices in the world, I was beyond fucked up. I tried to make a go at it the rest of my teen years, but spent my twenties in and out of psychiatric hospitals and unable to hold on to jobs. I'm in my thirties now with nothing to show for it (no relationship, no friends, no job, living on assistance) and asking the same thing: What could I have done differently? But I never felt in control of my life. I still don't.
I remember when I got laid off for "not fitting in" I realized I could (and had) risen to every challenge, but I could never triumph against that one.
So for me, pretty much all roads led to 2012, and I enjoyed the life I could live until now.
Skipped college and gotten into a trade instead.
OP, I just spoke with Chris B.
Even if you were in Drama Club he still wouldn't have liked you.
I would have started running...it is the best exercise for my body-type.
I would have at least tried to stand up to my physically and mentally abusive father.
I would never have listened to my doctor who prescribed me Cipro. That was by far the single biggest mistake I've ever made, and it literally cost me my life. I am now 100% disabled because of it.
I would have given up hating my schoolmates, clinging to it like a life preserver.
I would have spent more time with Dad before he died.
I would have followed my shrink's advice and started psychotropics instead of espousing the view that meds produced worthless, manufactured happiness.
I would have given up booze, smoking and drugs MUCH sooner.
I would have retained a better attorney in my fight to keep my stock options, rather than going with a friend of a friend who was willing to bill me at a discount. Ugh. I was so stupid. Young and stupid.
I would have forgiven more people their behavior.
I would have provided better financial advice to Mom at an earlier date.
I could go on and on, but I don't want to spend the time going down What If Lane. It's a slippery slope. It only makes me feel worse. I can only work with what I have in the here and now.
Bengali in Platforms
Seriously: start a thread on the "Mom/Dad" thing. It's so annoying.
Poor r24. So incredibly uninformed as to usage. And a harridan to boot! Bless your heart.
Bengali in Platforms
Stopped using baby oil at 12 -16 to get a faster "deeper" tan. Ugh. Don't do it, teenaged self, you'll be using makeup to cover the age spots at 50!
Like some of the other posters, I would give myself the "power" to confront some truly abusive junior high school teachers. Really guys - Ridicule, humiliation, choking are effective teaching tools?
doing okay over all, though
I would go back to college and NOT give a fuck what anyone thought about me.
Being older is much nicer in that you really don't give two shits about what everyone else thinks, says or does. They're usually stupid anyway.
[quote]Being older is much nicer in that you really don't give two shits about what everyone else thinks, says or does. They're usually stupid anyway.
That's how it used to work, but not any more. You have to constantly "manage" your image with others. If people sense you don't care what they think, they get offended.
If you offend someone, it is usually viewed as your fault.
Let them be offended, r40.
I don't give a fuck.
I would have gone to Harvard (without a scholarship) rather than Clark University with a full scholarship. I don't care if I had to work two jobs - I would have made it work. For me, it's about the relationships I would have made.
I've reported r41 to HR and to the webmaster. He makes me feel threatened.
"I would quit football, which I didn't enjoy, and instead join the speech and drama clubs, which I was too shy and embarrassed to join at the time."
I would actually not spend so much time performing and studying the performing arts but would have concentrated on writing and physical exercise, because they are the things I have found to make the biggest difference in my well being in my old age, the things I feel most happy about when I am focused on them. Not that I regret the choices I made but simply because knowing what I know now about myself, I can see that those are where my talents lie. I also realize that I am very introverted and I wish I would have experienced that as a not bad thing growing up rather than pushing myself to be something I was not.
Fuck you, too, Cheryl at r43.
I especially don't give a fuck what YOU think!
R34, how did you become disabled on cipro? I am taking it now (for walking pneumonia) and I have horrible, violent nightmares every time I fall asleep. Really dark, scary stuff. Back to the thread topic...I would have never started drinking every night to kill the pain of an abscessed tooth. I eventually got insurance, and fixed the tooth, but am still drinking nightly 15 years later. I also would have applied myself in college. I was fairly intelligent, and didn't have to try. I was lazy.
r24 &26 Please get laid soon.
I would have worried less about rules. For myself. I still maintain they are useful for you people.
I would tell all the people I loved (and who didn't know it) that I loved them.
Viki, you only have one life to live.
flip off my mother every time I passed her bedroom before I went to school.
Bitch laid in bed and pretended her kids didn't exist.. started in first grade.
R51, was your mother depressed?
I would have picked the tennis team over the drama club in high school and be retired right now after a mediocre career and making over a million getting to a quarter final twice in a grand slam and winning a couple of tier 11 tournaments.
Instead I am washout in Hollywood looking for a second career.
So many drama club members. I hope that younger gays don't feel like that is the only place that they belong.
I wish I had followed my instincts with the boys whom I instantly knew were gay (at that age, I just instinctively new many of them were even though they were closeted--and that has made me ever since then believe 100% in my gaydar at first sight) and confronted them and fucked them. Some of them were quite cute (and, as it later turned out, were having lots of sex with one another at the time). But self-loathing and closeted gay boy that I was, I avoided those boys like the plague and instead obsessed over the sensitive straight boys who seemed like they MIGHT POSSIBLY be gay.
As it turns out, none of them were. (And I think I secretly knew that deep down, which is why I obsessed over them.) And I ended high school a virgin, when I could have gotten laid quite early had I been less self-loathing.
[quote] So many drama club members. I hope that younger gays don't feel like that is the only place that they belong.
I wouldn't have even spit on my current partner if he was on fire. The lying, cheating asshole makes me regret every fucking nano-second I've spent with him.
Ae you fucking kidding me, r56? I am gay. I was in the drama club in the late 80s, along with all of the other gay kids. I was stating that I hope that kids these days don't feel like that is the only place that they fit in. I hope that they can feel comfortable playing sports, being on student council, etc. and not feel different or isolated.
R47, Mom and Dad called. They said they love us more. You were always their biggest disappointment.
I would have stood my ground and picked my own high school to attend, refused to go to church, stayed in the Ivy League (I dropped out), and generally not cared what other people thought of my "different" thinking. My creativity ended up imploding, because I put all my energy into trying to fit in. Stupid move.
No r52, she played different tennis leagues a week. Morning group on a few days, afternoon group on a few days, and the fun one on the weekend.
Don't worry, nothing my therapist didn't ask. No alcohol problems or prescipt drug (your next questions).
As the therapist said, you don't play tennis and have an active social life with adults when you are depressed.
And yea, the therapist was intrigued, and basically she didn't care then and wouldnt care now.
Today I found out my spouse of 26 years is in a longterm affair with a woman I thought we were mutual friends with. We had her over to dinner many times, even vacationed with her. If I could start again, I would've never married him.
We don't care about you or your husband, frau.
Would have ended it all at 18 when I had more courage.
Can minor tennis players make a million? I thought their winnings were on par with minor league baseball players--poverty wages.
(Though I knew a minor league player who made 1 million in his first year, but only under a development contract.)
[quote]We don't care about you or your husband, frau.
Who are you to represent all of us with your nastiness?
Stay away from the second person in your posts in future, you sour little bitch.
R46 I took it EXACTLY as prescribed to me (2x500mg daily) and the next thing I knew my body began falling apart limb for limb. I too had the nightmares while one it. Almost more like shooting awake in a near panic. I cannot recommend more highly that you do some Google searches and start reading the plethora of stories from previously healthy individuals who are now completely disabled by that poison. It is NO joke. Everyone has a limit as to how much they can take before the drug's damaging effects become noticeable...hopefully you haven't passed yours yet. Seriously--start Googling. I cannot warn anyone strongly enough against Cipro and ALL fluoroquinolone antibiotics.
I'm sorry r63. That must be terribly painful for you.
r66, why no R in front of 53? I had to flip back a page to see if you were talking to me.
I'm in the top 100 in my alternative world, that is mediocre not minor player. In my ten years on the tour I figure I could at least accumulate $1 mil, my entourage would be small and I wouldn't buy a bunch of shit. Getting to a quarterfinal in a slam is a lot of cash. I did it twice in my scenario.
That's terrible, R63. Do you have any children?
I would have gone to New York to study interior design instead of to Kansas to study architecture.
I would have let people know me as I was instead of trying to be something I wasn't.
I'd rethink those hideous, oversized glasses I wore in the '80s.
I would have studied abroad my junior year. I studied Chinese in college, but never studied in Asia. 6-12 months in the PRC or Taiwan would have enabled me to solidify my language ability and taken my professional career in a different direction.
I would never (and let me stress NEVER) have let Matt in Dallas get away.
R69, what do you mean by "my body began falling apart limb for limb"? What? How? That sounds horrifying and terrible.
This life I've lived has barely been tolerable. I'd have to change so many things in order to be able to stand living it again that you might as well give me someone else's life to live.
Thank you R47!
OP started this thread to remind us that he played football in HS. He's SO masculine!
Got it. Out of curiosity--why did you choose acting over the tennis?
(I was a teenaged tennis bum myself. After I was ranked in the state, my mother became an intolerable tennis mom and I quit.)
Law of unintended consequences kicks in here.
You folks clearly have not watched enough Star Trek to learn the issues with temporal mechanics.
Each choice, decision or event is both the end result (effect) and a cause to future events.