Preparing for anal

Oy and good luck.

I'm hitting the big 60, in two weeks and as a lifetime top that has never bottomed, I figure time to try sometime new & give pleasure to my anus.

The only thing I've ever had done is get rimmed.

So while I'm excited in a bit afraid.

Will I bleed & how do I know if it's breaking or piercing my colon?

Is it proper to prelude or is that just a joke?

I don't have a partner but will be hiring a well hung Mandingo from RenyBoy Please provide tips as I don't want to spend the money & not get my prostrate pounded as is my goal.

Good luck, OP. I've hired Mandingo and he's great!

you're a sad sad queen OP did I say sad ?

I'd go with a garden hose. So fresh.

(Or a fire hose if you're from San Francisco)

OP, I'm sure your dildo is looking forward to your lovely evening together.

Get with a nice Dominican and you won't need to bother about all that salt water and pussification.

They don't care.

Prelube! For the love of Barbra Streisand and all that is holy, PRELUBE!!!

R2 here Is there a big difference in feeling when you bareback ?

I'm curious because Mandingo will bear back buts it's an $50 so don't want to spend the money is there's no difference.

I hope I can make to work the next day & my anus is not bleeding that would just be terrible.

You're sick and beyond help.

If I were you I would prepare for a trip to the mental ward before preparing for anal.

Dear, be sure and come back to tell us how it went.

Yeah come back from the afterlife and tell us all about it because you're sure going about the right way to die r2.

#TMI#TMI#TMI#TMI#TMI#TMI#TMI#TMI#TMI #TMI#TMI#TMI#TMI#TMI#TMI

First do a salt water flush (drink 1/4C sea salt in a litre of warm water) in the morning before your shower. Have a light breakfast. Before lunch do a preparatory pre-lube (drink 1/2C water based lube in 1/2 litre of warm water) and have a light lunch, maybe a clear soup or broth and a small salad. Before dinner do your serious pre-lube by inserting 4 or 5 tablespoons of Crisco into your large intestine. Then all you need to do is put on some relaxing music, do some stretches or yoga, light some scented candles, and put on your best caftan while you await the prostate pounding and anal tearing of your dreams.

Our cholesterol is slightly high, and we've worked hard to get it down within the normal range. Can we substitute extra VIRGIN olive oil (EVOO) for the Crisco?

The day before, buy one of those bottles of Magnesium citrate at the local pharmacy and drink it (it's a laxative)

Clear liquids for the day of the big event (something with sugary for the calories, like Sprite).

A few hours before, take some anti-diarrheal (like Lomotil) just to stop the action in your colon, and then do a quick Fleet's enema in the bathroom immediately prior to Mandingo sending you to heaven.

Trust me on this one.

Get yourself some Rectinol for afterwards. It'll help soothe and take down the puffiness around what is sure to be a tender ring.

Holy shit, are you people joking? I hope every one of you is 100 and hasn't fucked in decades if you think it needs that much prep.

Have some grapefruit and oatmeal for breakfast and you will cleansee your ass naturally (and SWIFTLY), trust me.

I am reminded of a wonderful cartoon I saw some years ago. A man is standing in a phone booth (I TOLD you that it was years ago), saying something like "Hello. Is this Miss Ferguson, the kindergarten teacher? This is an obscene phone call, Miss Ferguson. Peepee, caca, doody, weewee."

What else does OP's post amount to?

Seems counterintuitive to put your butt thru that that much trauma before the event. With that much pooping, you're likely to get tears and irritation. That doesn't seem wise. There has to be an easier way.

R2 here you people are scaring me, Please tell me you are joking.

Can you really get anal tearing from a heavy pounding?

Next week I'm going fur a colposcopy I don't want it to skip in like I'm a loose whore plus he sees my anal tearing.

My doctor is my brother inlaw and he is sure to say something to my wife if he sees something suspicious .

Please answer me honestly!

Duh yes you can get anal tearing...google that shit.

But seriously Salt water?? You drink it and you poop out everything??

My god I have been abusing laxatives all these years for nothing.

[quote]prostrate pounded

Oh, dear! And I'm not taking this one lying down!

For god's sake, it's not that complicated. Eat plenty of natural fiber (salads, leafy greens, etc) in the days before and shower well before he comes over.

Salt water is a laxative? Since when?

And day-long preps for anal? Fasting?

Who are you people?

[quote]Can you really get anal tearing from a heavy pounding?

Are you trolling? Yes, and it's the primary way that HIV is passed during anal intercourse.

How can a gay man not know this in 2014?

waaaayyyyy too much trouble just to have a cock poked in your arse

r2 here you all have me freaked out, reconsidering my apt with Mandingo.

After the anal tearing is it repaired ? Can it result in permanent damages..

Sorry I'm not ignorant just clueless as IM a married guy with guys on the side so not really something that I'm experienced with.

Dam thank god I'm a top!! That's a lot of work to get your prostrate massaged.

I think I'll make lasagna instead.

[quote]prostrate massaged.

Seriously, AGAIN?

It's PROSTATE, dummies.

FYI gay men,

Women don't prep for anal. Straight men who are into anal don't care about shit. Either that or they have a bad experience and swear it off for good.

OP, get a 2 litre bottle of Pepsi, shake it well, open it and stick it up your ass. Best cleanse you'll ever get.

Psyllium husks twice a day every day.

aren't enemas basically salt water?

R30, Small tears will heal. However, if you aren't careful and are having too rough of sex then you can perforate your colon. If that happens then you can die and rather quickly, talking about dying within a few hours. The sad thing is that many people who have had their colon perforated are too embarrassed to seek immediate medical attention or they are in denial about the seriousness of the situation. Death comes in these instances from septic shock, as fecal bacteria leaks into abdominal cavity and into the blood stream. During septic shock one's blood pressure drops drastically causing a person to lose consciousness. While they are unconscious their heart goes into cardiac arrest and they quickly die.

To avoid a perforated colon do not use very large toys and do not engage in sex with men who have extremely long dicks.

Most normal anal sex occurs in the rectum. However, if the dick (or toy) is too long it will penetrate past the rectum and into the colon where it can potentially cause damage. The tissues of the colon are a bit more fragile than the tissues of the rectum as the rectum is designed to be a bit stronger as it is used to hold feces until the person can defecate.

Hope that was educative!

Good lord. One fleet enema a short time before the event ought to do the trick.

Cancel the doctor appointment until any swelling goes down.

[quote]Small tears will heal.

When will the tears stop?

OP? Why don't you just get some oral?

I'm douching as I type this

R38 OMG Im soo freaked out right now. Im never ever bottoming again!

The tracks of my tears

It all sounds to complicated and dangerous. If I'm gonna get fucked I'd rather pay someone to take my place

I've had a few anal tears. They hurt like hell for two weeks--every time you need to poop.

Small tears do repair themselves.

Use lots of lube

Psyllium-based oatmeal sprinkled with Benefiber, two courses of Miralax, a garden hose enema, and then Diet Coke and Mentos. This usually works for me.

[quote]Preparing for anal

Please. This is the DL. We live for surprise.

I hate all you bitches!! I have never bottomed, but lately after watching porn have decided to see what all the moaning is about.

Trying to learn about how to prepare I read this scary thread and then I made a HUGE mistake, I googled it!!!

OMG who you soo many dangerous things can happen! Septic shock & dying within hours, Hepatitis HIV sounds like a lovely experience!

You bitches have ruined all my desire to bottom, I'm taking my virgin hole to the grave!

Drinking warm salt water is an excellent way to cleanse your bowel. But be careful and be prepared to clean up the aftermath. The shit will shoot out of you like the exhaust from a 777 jet engine!

This is the most anal thread I've read here.

Just take a dump, then take a shower with soap and wash/finger wash your hole. Is it that difficult? Maybe the day before take a laxative. And eat light day of. I'm sure your whole is used to shit on his cock, anyway.

With all these days of preping, how do folks do it that just meet up in a bar & go home. & do it? In that case it's like " Surprise Anal" No prep has been taken .

I've topped a lot of guys and only once have I ever see done feces!

Is it that the morn or have I been lucky?

As I posted in the other thread I do coffee enemas.

They feel great & clean me out, after I take a massive dump and feel so light & fresh. My tops have commented on the fact that I have a very clean hole.

The coffee enemas take a bit of practice but it's worth it.

You will need some help. I lay in the bathtub & have my godson put the tube into my anus. & manage the flow. When I feel I'm ready to go he removes the tube and them of course leave me alone to do my business on the toilet.

He is a college wrestler & swears the enemas help him prepare for a big match.

Also the health benefits of a coffee enema is much greater than using chemicals

Your Godson, R52? That's a new twist.

I like to eat junk food til I'm ready to vomit, then a brisk ice water enema !

R51, you are so cute. That kind of luck doesn't exist. Your bottoms do all the painstaking prep that is described here and more in the hopes of a hook up. They want you to think NSA sex for them is spontaneous (and rare). But really they're just sluts on the prowl.

r2? Nobody likes an old bottom.

R55, yes my godson. There is nothing sexual about it. Lying perched over a bath tub & having a tube inserted in your anus is not exciting or erotic at all .

It's strictly a health procedure

I helped him and his buddies with it & there has never been any monkey business

Anal tearing is not the same thing as colon tearing.

R59,

How fat are you that you need someone to insert it into your anus? A normal sized person can administer an enema them self.

I think we both know your claims that your godson is cool with sticking shit up your ass is just your masturbatory fantasy and has never taken place in reality. However, if you get much fatter then you may end up needing someone to wipe your ass after you take a shit. You also may not be able to fit on the toilette and will be stuck wearing depends the size of bedspreads for the rest of the two years of life you have left. Think massive coronary. Seriously, lose weight.

Small tears can be quickly healed with Neosporin.

You DO NOT put salt up your anus. It burns and drys the moist membranes in there that could lead to you getting HIV or other STDs. Just leave your asshole alone and don't be putting anything in there but warm douche water.

Salt water. Christ.

As a gay man, I'm embarrassed by the lunacy on display in this thread. Salt water, special diets--wtf? You sound like a bunch of hardcore fisters from 1976.

When I know I'm going to have anal I go to the Turkish baths for a cleaning.

I get the full Hamnan treatment that includes cleansing the anus with a pumice stone & inserting a sea sponge in the colon.

It feels great, leave you fresh for your anal session

Godson? Enemas?

[quote]Godson? Enemas? Is that regular?

Well it used to be very irregular indeed, but then he started utilising the godson and enemas. Now it couldn't BE more regular.

[quote]inserting a sea sponge in the colon.

I'm pretty sure that no one but a doctor should be inserting anything into your colon.

Maybe you meant RECTUM?

Do you think that we might merge this with the deviled egg thread?

I know this thread has been done to death but I have to ask some advice.

I'm on a pension so don't have the $18 to start my own thread

Im 76 & recently divorced from my wife & out of the closet.

Through the years I've fooled around with guys but never any anal. I have a strong attraction to a worker at the local 'Sam's Club' he is mexicano and I know they are known to have massive penises

My question for you more experience folks, is it to late to start doing anal? Will I damage myself or is the anal wall elastic all your life. Thinking about it but afraid to get down on it

R35=Joan Crawford, looking for ways to boost sales.

Epsom salt and glycerine.

Seriously? A day off from work for this? No.

You sound like a galloping gourmet, OP. You may be out of the closet, but perhaps you should stay in the kitchen.

Cheryl's available fellas! I get her cleaned up and ready. You won't have to do a thing!

I only prepare with the finest of solutions... Dom Perignon. So bubbly and refreshing, there's nothing like a glass up the ass or a bottle in your throttle!

What is so complicated. Don't use salt water. Empty out the fleet and put in regular water. Rinse and repeat until the water is clear. Then wash your hole. 77 replies and none made this clear yet ?? 💩💩💩💩

R70 Why after all theses years have you decided to explore your hole?

How do you know this Mexican guy even wants to see that mess

Is this what most people do? I never knew I should prepare so much.

Preparing for Amal? Usually I just shave my poo-hole before she pegs me.

What an insufferable thread! To remove shit from one's rectum, then wash one's ass before getting lubed, inserted and perhaps hard banged or slow fucked; is suppose to be a complicated, prolonged, and dramatic event as prep? This is something to fret about, let alone solicit opinions? Are you fucking a donkey? Gezz!

NO FANK YOU!!

[quote]Is this what most people do? I never knew I should prepare so much.

Of course not, most people never do this. Most people 1) take a dump 2) take a shower, finger in and around your hole and make sure it is nice and clean 3)go out and get laid.

Ta da.

If you are for real R70 no one wants some 76 year old man as a bottom. Are you paying him? If you want to experience anal sex hire an escort to fuck you.

No one said to DOUCHE with the salt water, you fools.

You're supposed to DRINK it and then let it flush the shit out of you so that you have a squeaky clean anus. From top to bottom, so to speak.

Jesus, Why do I have to spell everything out?

Best thread title ever!

Preparing For Anal : The Michelle Rounds Story

Preparing For Anal : My Years In The George W. Bush White House. By Jeff Gannon

Preparing For Anal : By Mati Weiderpuss

But I'm on a low-sodium diet!

Rum

Salt makes you crap? Is this real?

It sure does, R88. Especially when combined with fat, grease, lard and genetically fabricated meat products.

Vodka martini. Straight up.

Yes r83 I'm serious

Don't be ageist, us older gents can have sex till 100 or our pulse stop.

I have topped but want to try to bottom. I like latin Mexican me & I think this guy likes me. He is much younger probably 20's but I'm aware a lot of these guys like daddies

I'm will to make a pass at him & take him to mini golf, a lunch etc.

My issue is preparing my anus so it's a great experience

R70

dementia

R92 are you insinuating I have dementia

Thank you but I'm fine

Just because your ageist & have a issue with older men enjoying their sexuality with younger men, that's your issues

While I'm pounding that Mexicano hole, I will give him A shot for your sorry lonely ass.

How do you handle a bout when you find feces on your penis? Do you acknowledge the feces, sneak out of the room to cleanup, or pretend they don't exist?

You throw away the condom once you are done and don't give it a second thought R94. It isn't unusual to have a small amount of feces on the condom, any gay dude that freaks out about that shouldn't be doing anal sex.

[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]

Is that how poop ends up in men's beards, R95?

You are fucking disgusting, OP. Don't you have anything better to do?

When you can't speak to the broken banks in Greece and Ireland, can't find Crimea on a map and believe there are only 4 continents on Earth---come here and talk about cleaning your ass out.

Lube with high mileage synthetic lubricant instead of the conventional.

Oh for god's sake -- you queens with your potions and enemas. Why the hell do you think I bought a Dyson?

Not better than Surprise Anal r85.

Does George C. prepare for anal?

Store a pistol in your rectum.

how did gay men prepare for anal during the Roman Empire 2000 years ago? How about 100 years ago?

There's a lot of expertise on this thread.

Sugar-free Haribo Gummy bears will do the job. Eat a bag and bottom without a care!

About 10 towels.

R70 here

I decided to start preparing my hole for the upcoming Mexicano Invasion I don't want to score a date with the guy & have my first chance in 70+ years to lose my hole virginity & have to give up because it hurts.

I went to the sexy shop & bought a cock ring & a big ten inch dildo with a suction cup. I'm afraid it gets lost in me so I saw on the internet if it has balls & a suction cup it can't slide up into you.

So I greased it up and tried many times to get it in & finally it went up into me

But here's my questions, it hurt , felt like a hundred feral cats running up. & down my colon. All I could feel was the scratching & it may me lose my hard on. Not really pleasure but pain. Plus I bled

Is this the way it's supposed to be the first time you explore the colon?

Can it be because I used $1 dollar store no-name Vaseline for a lubricant

I just lie back and think of the Empire

No need to douche. Just a good bowel movement.

I love how romantic r11's prep sounds! Roses, Rachmaninoff, and multiple laxatives and enemas used throughout the course of the day.

Obviously, a poo-free vag is the ONLY reason a guy tolerates a woman.

And free maid service.

More titles:

"Not Without My Enema"

"All that Douching Allows"

"Tea, Bareback Anal and Sympathy"

"Rectal Tearing Without a Cause"

(70) you one freaky dude!

A salt water cleanse isn't just for anal sex. I first learned about it preparing of the Master Cleanse. The density of the salt water prevents it from being absorbed by the body and it passes right through you pushing all it it's way out.

The important thing is that you use 2 tbsps of non-iodized salt in a liter of room temperature water. You have to guzzle all of the water at once in one or two swigs. Don't plan on going on anywhere but stay at home because it comes on like a freight train. It will clean you out and you will feel fresh and clean.

that sounds really dangerous

1. take a dump. 2. stay 10 min longer than usual and press that shit out. 3. go into the shower 4. unwind the shower head and squat 5. douche your ass with the hose (don't fill your ass up with too much water - medium pressure, medium temperature, hold for 3 sec) 6. squirt the residue shit out (if you're on a balanced healthy diet, there shouldn't be much coming out of there) 7. repeat approx. 3-5 times 8. do your normal shower ritual 9. before leaving the shower, do one squirt so that there won't be any water during sex 10. wash your ass with soap.

enjoy.

I was backed up and did that salt water thing two days in a row...fucking nothing. Does not work.

Its a lot simpler than you guys make it out to be. Just douche. Refill the bottle, and douche again. If what comes out is clear, you're good. Allow 20 minutes before the hookup to make sure you are empty.

I wonder if r119 has exploded yet...

If you douche before you go out, then you have dinner, go clubbing & bring a guy home, how do you know you'll be clean

The way it sounds is you have to douvhe minutes before the act

Its better to douche before the act, not before dinner, some people digest quite fast, especially dairy.

You are one bunch of crazy manholes to bump this ancient thread.

Surprise Anal! LOL. Remember that hilarious video of the one twink who gets surprised and then shouts, "Good morning!" LOL.

I douche 30 minutes beforehand with a solution of Comet and lemon juice.

Many posters here are heavy-set, so douching prior tomanal is a MUST for them.

To anal

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