I am a graduate student researching stalking perceptions/prevalence among sexual minorities. This research will be completely anonymous and voluntary. If you are interested in participating please click on the link below and you will be directed to the survey and provided with additional information about the study. Participants who complete the study have the option to enter a raffle for a $50 gift card to Amazon. For any questions or concerns please feel free to contact me at email@example.com.
Every gay man has been stalked by at least one heterosexual female at some point in his life.
For some, it is an on going problem, with several different women all their lives, which can even become dangerous at times.
Thanks for writing that. This study didn't even really consider this, but I will absolutely note that in my discussion about area of future research. This topic is not very well understood so any information I can gather will really help inform future research.
Gees. Instead on proper compensation you have the option?
I though straight guys stalking their girlfriends was just a normal part of their growth process, like getting too drunk and throwing up.
I want to know if they're all fat, late-in-life-out, divorced gay dads with skinny arms.
I'm an instructor at a community college and I was stalked by two middle aged female students. They wrote me inappropriate letters. They took pictures of me, my twin brother, and my car without my consent. They even tried to give me a sex toy as a gift.
I had them removed from my class.
Hey OP, very interesting study. I'd be curious to know how you are defining sexually minorities. I don't mean that critically, I mean to say that most people try something "dieviant" sexually at some point.
I'd also be curious to know more about stalking in general. Interesting subject.
OP, I took your survey but I think that you need to define "stalking" more clearly. Many cannot handle cross-sex platonic friendship, especially if they've had very few romantic partners or are socially inept. Some offer help or companionship, hoping it will become something more physical. Then they become angry when their advances are rejected. If verbal threats are then made is that immaturity or stalking? Or is just harassment when the perpetrator doesn't understand the meaning of "no?"
Just start interviewing "Twilight" Fans. They are a bottomless source of scary info.
[quote]Many cannot handle cross-sex platonic friendship, especially if they've had very few romantic partners or are socially inept.
All my lesbian friends have had a Japanese stalker at one time or another, and I've had two.
There might be a need for a study on "Model Minority Stalkers"
I've been stalked several times but I was too clueless to know what was going on until it got to "scary levels." Then I gained 30 pounds and the stalking problems went away!
I only stalk guys with hot asses. I like em small and tight, muscle butt, round and plump, hairy cracked, trickle haired, skinny. I often change my plans to follow a nice ass down the street so I am not caught rubber necking. On a layover in St. Louis once I followed a delectable ass for about an hour around the airport.
I stalk my favorite porn star on FB.
Courtney, I just sent you an e-mail about some tweaks you might want to make to your demographic questions. And now that I've taken the survey, I see a few Likert-scale questions that have multiple ways they could be misconstrued. So feel free to give me a yell, and if not, good luck with your research!
r5's post typifies the sort of abysmal ignorance about stalking that's keeping us from making effective public policy to deal with it. I'm glad OP is doing this study. We've had enough opinion and theory, and need a lot more empirical research.
R12, My sympathies. I was raised to be nice to everybody. I had to learn that some see that as romantic interest. Those raised in other countries or from different cultural backgrounds may not have acquired the same social cues. I've seen Asian men pursue obvious lesbians who are beautiful; I've seen women chase after handsome gay men. All are completely unrealistic.
1. I had a 25 year old heterosexual women, who was the executive assistant to my companies CEO, smash my car windows and try to get me fired because I wouldn't have sex with her. I went dancing with her, only 1 night and she went Psycho after that, started buying me expensive gifts for no reason, telling me insider company information, which was actually useful. I eventually left the company, largely because she made my job intolerable.
2. When I was in College, my French Literature teacher start to embarrassingly complement me in front of the class. She gave me straight As, even though I was not really interested in the Liberal Art part of College. I went back to her office one day and she closed the door and started chasing me around the office, not like a rabid wild animal, but more like a squirming kind of chase, I had to jump over a desk to get out. She was about 55 years old.
3. When I was in highschool, I worked at a fast food franchise in a small town, was usually able to borrow the family truck after school, so I drove people home. One night I drove this 15 year old bleach blond female co-worker home last. She was making suspicious excuses of why I should take her home last out of 4 of us, but I did, driving a bit out of my way. Once alone in the truck, she grabbed my crotch while I was driving. I said "what are you doing" and she giggled and grabbed it again. She was fired not doing her job about a month later and got a job at the Grocery Store across from where I lived. I went into the store in broad daylight, saw her there and she walked up to me with her store uniform on and GRABBED IT AGAIN. She was definitely turned on by my rejection.
There has been so of them over the years, my mothers best friend, 2 different women I worked with, Bernice the Social Worker next store, Shannon a 19 year old DD with the body of a super model was last, she got drunk (or pretended she was in a bar) and she kept sliding her had up my leg, I literally drop an ice cube in her bra to stop her, she wasn't that drunk, as she jumped up pretty fast.
I happened so much I now have full shields up when around heterosexual females all the time, regardless of their age.
P.S. The last women who hired me, made it known around the office, she made a special exception for me hoping for ???? I don't know. Another female employee told me this. So many more stories, no time.
I don't believe any of these I'm-a-gay-man-stalked-by-a-straight-woman stories. You queens always think EVERYONE is after you.
Sorry r20, another one here stalked by straight single women, at least three times. One was my sister's friend. Now another one of her friends has started with the "oh it's too bad you're gay. Are you sure?" business. Makes me think twice about giving straight single women the time of day.
R20 is a defensive stalker female. I'll beat you believe that rape victims hold responsibility for their rape too don't you?
I was stalked by a fat girl in middle school, does that count? She was obsessed with me. She'd ride her bike around and around my cul de sac looking for me, she'd greet me with stuffed animals at school (that was embarrassing), and would buy me cookies at lunch. When she FINALLY figured out that I wasn't into her, she actually had the balls to ask me to reimburse her for all the shit she'd given to me over all those months. Are you fucking serious???
Women don't want to talk about themselves as the stalkers, they think that only men can be stalkers.
Talk about the female ego out of control!
I was stalked by a straight woman, but she didn't know I was gay. She heard me being interviewed on a radio talk show (overseas), phoned the station and invited me out. Told her I had several more interviews and no time. At the next radio station, she phoned in again. Once more, I turned her down. She then invited me to the races - where her father had a box. Then to the upcoming sailing yacht race, etc. On one radio talk show, I mentioned an upcoming reception at the U.S. Embassy. She phoned the Embassy. She was an executive at a big bank, so her calls were always put through. On my last day in that country, there she was, standing in my outer office. Had gotten past all kinds of security via her position and the fact that she looked like a high-fashion model - she really was a total knock-out. We went for a round of cocktails and then I quickly went off to pack for departure.
I can't imagine wanting to meet up with somebody heard on the radio. You could end up with someone who looks like Rush Limbaugh.
None of r19's situations sound like stalking, just crude come-ons. A drunk person in a bar sliding his/her hand up your leg is not stalking!
R26 is correct. Not every advance is stalking, even if it is brazen.
[quote] Every gay man has been stalked by at least one heterosexual female at some point in his life.
R1 - What utter rubbish.
[quote] All my lesbian friends have had a Japanese stalker at one time or another, and I've had two.
R12 - All one of your lesbian friends?
Poor Courtney got a lot more than she bargained for! But yes, heterosexual female stalking of gay males is quite common.
I won't be ignored.
I don't believe these stories either. It's just another way for gay men to make themselves appear desirable. Women are not usually sexually aggressive.
R1, lol that made me laugh. are you on meds for your delusions?
also r32, straight women are attracted to masculinity, gay men lack that!
R32, R34, I've never stalked anybody, I prefer to be the "chasee." (Stalking grammar trolls, I know I just made up that word.) However I do know of very aggressive girls who enjoy the challenge of trying to seduce attractive gay men.
Just because you have not encountered this situation doesn't mean it doesn't exit. Sadly you just can't be too nice to some people.
R25, I'll take your stalker and you can have mine. A 21 year old straight sailor boy that publicly tried to put a ring on my finger.
I was stalked in college by a straight woman. I am a lesbian.
I have a stalker who follows me home from work every day and he's very clever. It's never the same guy.
Am I the only one who thinks that a survey on perceptions of stalking that ask you to provide personal information us going to have a selection bias?
I want to thank everyone for their comments and assure you that they are being read. You have all given me great ideas for this study as well as how to move forward with future research. I am really very grateful for the participation/response!
Everyone wants R19. In his mind.
R42, R24, I'm female, and it's obvious you've never talked to a female stalker. Men AND women who stalk have a completely different mindset, a need for control and power in the face of social rejection, and an attitude of entitlement. True women are usually, but not always, as physically threatening because of their size. However that does not mean that they won't go to extremes to harass and interfere with the life of "their prey," especially if he/she shows attention towards another person. Some in their minds have a fantasy relationship with their "object of desire" which has nothing to do with the needs and characteristics of that real individual.
R42 is such a turd.
I'm not saying some women can't be obsessive or stalkerish, but some of these tales do sound a little self-aggrandizing. Notice how the women in them are "model-gorgeous." Or maybe I'm just jealous, since all my male stalkers have been fat and ugly. One of them even had a terrible case of rosacea and looked like a lobster. Why, just once, can't I get a male model to stalk me?
Males models don't lust after women because 99% of them are gay.
Maybe he was shocked that such a good looking women stalked him because she obviously could have any straight guy she wanted.
It is quite common for very good looking females to go after gay men. They think they are so hot, even a gay men can't turn them down. Straight guys are just too easy pickings. It "ego" plus "forbidden fruit". I'm sure you have heard the "I can convert him" saying.
R45, From my observation the reasons men and women stalk are very different. Some females stalk because they lust after someone they should logically know is sexually unobtainable. Men tend to stalk because they're socially immature, and can't understand why their objects of desire are rejecting their advances.
[quote]go to extremes to harass and interfere with the life of "their prey," especially if he/she shows attention towards another person.
I had a female stalker at work (I'm female) and every time she saw me socially talking to a man, she'd go sleep with him.
Anybody who doesn't know that females, particularity the better looking ones, swarm gay guys, has never met a gay guy. So much so, some straight guys pretend to be gay, just so they can get into the pants of the hotter chicks - which is also a regular occurring script line on TV shows.
R50, Some females get sick and tired of being constantly hit on by undesirable males who often retaliate when rejected. Gay males are safer, especially if the girl already has a boyfriend, except when they propose 3-somes. Straight guys tend to be more clueless.
You rarely hear of gay make stalkers...unless they're married closet cases.
Heterosexual females are the easily the #1 stalking risks to Gay males. Rarely do heterosexual females stalk straight males, the movie Fatal Attraction being a very rare example.
R53, Are you sure of that statistic, of straight females stalking more gay than straight males? Also what age range are we discussing?
I was stalked by a straight female in college, but luckily I left the school and never returned.
Overall though, I think straight women are more likely to be the VICTIMS of stalking...not the perpetrators. Straight men are probably more likely be the stalkers. Gay men don't really stalk, but they do tend to be likely to make unwanted advances toward others.
The survey is very very poorly constructed. You don't interrogate the definition of "stalking". For many people, asking to be accountable for the consequences of their actions is very very threatening. They feel "endangered" when actually they are the ones who are dangerous. The call the other person's expression of these consequences "stalking." My experience is that withholding creates tension. Acknowledgement creates resolution. Taking responsibility, being honest, being compassionate, acknowledging the consequences of one's actions vastly diminishes "unwanted" attention.
Reading that survey and the posts here I'm now confused as to what constitutes stalking. A straight woman offering to turn a gay man straight may be an obnoxious bitch, but is that stalking? How is that different than the douche bag straight guy who thinks he's god's gift to women?
What if she hides outside at night and waits for him to come home, then jumps out and offers to "turn him straight" - when he never told her where he lived? What if she makes it a condition of his continued employment with this company? What if she keeps it up every day for 7 months? What if she starts publicly calling him "sissy" and "f@aggot" after been turned down several times? What if he has to go to Corporate HR and ask for help, because it is getting to the point where "obnoxious" is interfering with his ability to do his job?
Speaking from experience here...... different women.
R58, You've become a fantasy OBJECT to these women, just like an unavailable rock star or movie star. The scary thing is that these girls really don't want YOU the individual, they want what they imagine in their minds that you could be to them. I'll bet that they had serious issues with their dads too. Still it doesn't make it easier for you in the workplace, where other straight men may even be jealous of the attention that you receive. Warning, women like men, have been known to physically attack those that turn them down, or at least try to destroy them psychologically in some way.
You got it right R59. The Petting Zoo Gay, or the slash gay.
Agree R57, most here don't know the definition of stalking.
Most do know what the definition of stalker is. Some posters on this thread don't like that the definition includes things they have done personally, so their internal quilt makes them defensive. Like declaring their behavior was not "real" stalking, therefore they think, they are off the hook in their own minds, but they are not, which is ironically typical stalker behavior. Criminals always try to convince themselves what they did was not really a crime.
Thiefs do it: they were so rich and can afford it.
Drug dealers do it: The government is so draconian.
Rapists do it: She/He wanted it.
and stalkers do it....
Courtney check the Anderson Cooper threads
US Christian Fred Phelps definitely stalks LGBT persons.
Gay men lust after guys for sex, but once the sex is over, they move on. With females, they are stalking for emotional reasons and that is why almost all stalkers of Gay men are females.
Marywood is a Catholic University. Call me cynical, but I'm a little skeptical as to the intent of this particular survey. Honestly, peeps, I wouldn't take it.
Then this entire thread is an entrapment process looking for "beat up the gay community" research R70.
The stalking won't-take-no-for an-answer lesbian is just too real for many attractive, trusting people.
Stalking is when you have been rejected or turned down you continue to pursue. Your pursuit can be aggressive or it can be passive.
I will admit when I was younger I did call and hang up, over and over again just to hear his voice on answering machine.
I did pretend to bump into him casually as if I was just in the neighborhood.
I did hid behind cars at his house to see if he was with someone else.
Yes this in my opinion is the passive type of stalking. I admit to it and I have never done more than that to anyone, ever again.
Women do stalk straight men. But I think the more aggressive type is done by straight men.
I don't think that the women who are hitting on 110% gay man repeatedly all his life are stalkers, they just sound like sexually aggressive women. He never mentioned if the women knew he was gay. I'm into both men and women and for purposes of the survey I have never been stalked by a woman nor have a stalked a gay man. I may have been a fag hag in my youth because gay men were fun, but I had no sexual interest in any of them after finding out they liked dick.
I think that because gay men (and straight men) but for the purpose of the study, I say gay men are driven sexually they tend to think that attention from women is actually more sexual then women intend. I don't know a single woman that has admitted to pursuing a gay man to "change" him. I've even drunkenly made out with gay men but I did not pursue them and was mortified after sobering.
Straight women who stalk gay men clearly have major issues for days -- but I can see why they pick gay men as their stalking targets. Because gay men reject the advances, the woman finds the perfect male with whom she can fully express inappropriate, aggressive sexual energy towards.
Think about it: straight women who aggressively hits on a straight men are either immediately rejected or immediately taken to the nearest bathroom and given a cock to suck on.
If women who stalk are actually subconsciously attempting to play with sexual repression, aggression, expression, dominance, etc...gay guys are the perfect arena. The constant rejection of the advance simply creates a new situation that necessitates a new advance.
1. It's like tennis. Tennis only works if the ball keeps coming back to you.
2. Why is gay male rejection okay but not straight male? A: the ego can handle it better.
3. Why is the stalking straight women do to gay men not discussed? A: because women, in general, do not tend to rape and kill their stalking victims. Also, because of old gender stereotypes which the survey seems to be addressing.
Stalking is not only about physical violence. It is about irrational and repetitive behavior regarding others affections, which makes the stalked person unconformable.
Women most certainly do stalk.
I think some women get attracted to gay men because of the lack of sexual energy - it could be a refreshing change for some women and be misconstrued as a deeper interest. "He's not like all the other guys"
Sorry there is no such thing as passive stalking. You are trying to criminalize people here because they refuse to leave the planet and disappear once you've rejected them. That's not a right you have, to a planet where these people don't exist. Some of you really are violent beneath the surface, but not the "stalkers": the pretended "stalkees."
Stalking is very hard to prove as a crime R82, that is why it call is stalking and not assault.
You sound like a stalker yourself, trying to make excuses for your actions.
Women can be just as immature and unrealistic as men, therefore women can be stalkers. Some misread cues from another person; others don't want to accept the hard, cold truth.