He has...problems. Extremely high-strung, high-maintenance, very extroverted, and full of tinhat political ideas.
I think I want to be single for a very long time. Maybe forever. I'm going to have to start mainlining benzos if I stay with him much longer.
Knock yourself out.
And good luck, OP.
Extrapolate on his tinhat ideas. Then give him my number.
yeah what do you mean by tinhat political ideas?
If that means he's critical of the crap we're spoonfed by the media, i think he's right.
Does he have a big dick?
Was he none of these things when you started dating him, OP?
Don't try to patch it up, tear it up, tear it up...Wash him out, dry him out, push him out, fly him out...cancel him, and let him GO!
How old are the both of you? Can you talk to him about his behaviors that bother you? Is it not worth it to stay? What will you miss about him? Answer these questions and then decide.
I'm kind of sympathetic OP. I've wanted to leave my long-term partner for a long time myself. He is not a bad guy. I just don't love him anymore and want to be on my own.
I don't know if I'll ever work up the nerve to pull the trigger. I am an extreme case of non-confrontational. (elucidating side note: Not too long ago, I loaned my car to a friend who said she was 'desperate' and just needed it for 'a few days'. A month went by before I even hinted that I wanted it back. It took another month before I actually got the car back. And it was in less than ideal shape. I said nothing to her except that I was sorry that I had to take it back so soon, but that I really needed it).
Back to the main topic: I'm not sure how a breakup is exactly supposed to work. Which is to say, is it unfair to break up with a long-term partner if it will completely blindside him? Am I supposed to express dissatisfaction long in advance of the actual breakup even if I don't want anything to be 'fixed'? How would I even do that?
I know what will happen: nothing. I'll just live with it indefinitely, because that is what I have been doing for several years now.
A lot of times I wonder how many people are in the same situation, participating in a relationship only because they don't have the nerve (courage?) to end it.
A lot, R8. A lot of people are living your life. I'm about to go out to lunch with a girl who's been with the same guy for 28 years. I doubt she'll leave him and I will have to listen to more sad stories from inside her homemade personal prison.
Are you going to keep any of his stuff?
Sounds like you have the seven year itch, sweetie
As far as his tinhat ideas...let's just say he's a bit less nutty than Mrs Patrick Campbell on the politics front...but just a little.
To answer other questions:
- His dick is above average
- He was always a bit like this, just not as bad
- We're both in our mid-30s
- No, I'm not keeping any of his stuff
Fuck you, R12.
He's not going to change and you will never be able to change him. At least that was my experience with someone similar. His "issues" only grew worse over time. I got out this year -- after 24 years. The last 15 were almost a complete waste of effort.
It was painful for the first 8 months, but now I'm dating intelligent, mature guys who have it more together and I have never been happier.
I've already downloaded the Grindr app. All I need to do is set up my profile.
In your teens, relationships last days.
In your 20s, relationships last weeks.
In your 30s, relationship last months.
In your 40s, relationships last years.
In your 50s, if you get into a new relationship, it usually lasts for life.
The above does not apply to Lesbians.
If you don't fundamentally admire him as-is, and you don't enjoy spending time with him in the everyday sense, then you should end the relationship.
You might find a guy who shares your sense of humor, basic values, and outlook on the world.
[quote]I'm kind of sympathetic OP. I've wanted to leave my long-term partner for a long time myself. He is not a bad guy. I just don't love him anymore and want to be on my own.
I'm curious about people like R8. R8, do you lie and tell him you love him, or do years go by with no expressions of love and somehow it never gets addressed?
R17, I met my current husband when I was 22. We've been together 25 years now.
Left mine this year after nearly two decades and it's one of the best (though hardest) things I've ever done. Truly happy on my own, and away from the daily crazy that is his life. Tried to make it work for a long time, came to a mutual decision to end it, and I got out. We remain friendly, but there's no way I'd go back.
A few years ago I left my boyfriend of 15 years. Actually we were together that long but the relationship probably ended 10 years before that. Neither of us had the energy or the will to leave. And we were both afraid of being lonely. But thank God I finally left.
A wise man once told it was better to be lonely than bored. I have now learned how true that is.
[quote]I doubt she'll leave him and I will have to listen to more sad stories from inside her homemade personal prison.
Oh, I love people who are crafty. Does she preserve her own homemade jam as well? Does she knit? I bet she knits.
r21, if the two of you you are happy being together -- and I hope you are -- I congratulate you and your partner!
For me, my ex and I started to stay together just because we had been together. It became a numbers game, along with perceived security.
For the OP, the warning signs have already appeared and he needs to take (painful) action.
If I can be happy being single and have fun play-dates, and maybe even find another partner, then so can you, dear OP.
bless you r22 and r23.
More silly faggotry
Leave. I was in a relationship for 11 years. It should have ended after 5, but neither of us wanted to talk about it and it carried on through sheer inertia/laziness/fear of being alone on both sides. He met someone younger and freed us both. I wasted six years going through the motions, don't do that to yourself.
O Solo Mio
OP, why punish yourself by staying with him? Neither of you are getting any younger...
OP - would either of you like my phone number? I'll take anything I can get at this point.
When people are stuck in relationships more often than not it has less to do with your partner and a lot more to do with you. If you leave this relationship without resolving what is going on with you, you will be doomed to repeat this dynamic. The most important part of a relationship is how you say goodbye and if all you're going to do is blame the other person instead of reflecting on your own choices and behaviour you're not going to learn much from this experience and you'll not only be wasting the time you spent with this partner but also the time spend repeating all these personnel mistakes with your next partner.
Imagine if you had to take personal responsibility for everything that's gone on in this relationship without blaming the other guy. That's where you need to start.
Twenty years and we're both not happy, but neither of us will make the first move. It's very awkward on our anniversary and Valentines Day. We end up getting cards for each other that are sweet, but do not express love. They are hard to find!
I think if we could cut our cat in half and he had a more stable job, we would inch toward a split.
The problem is that your partner is like a poodle and you're not a dog person. Ditch him and get a cat.
R32, that sounds bizarre and sad. Why doesn't either of you take the leap and get a card that says love?
Point taken, r31; however, having spent hundreds of hours with my ex in couples counseling and individual therapy, I finally learned on my own that my now ex was a selfish, immature, moody asshole. He's got a bunch of other issues, but I won't go there.
My role was as a co-dependent, insecure caretaker who was afraid to be "alone". While I might bring some of that behavior into my next relationship, my new guy will be better starting material who will not drain me in every way.
It is possible to say "Been there, done that" and move on to set limits (dare I say "Boundaries"?!) with the next dude. Or just move on to a more mellow manhunk.
Have you tried giving him a spanking like in the movie McClintock?
What a lot of inane psychobabble on this thread:
[quote]A wise man once told it was better to be lonely than bored. I have now learned how true that is.
Uh, no, your partner doesn't have to entertain you 24/7. Get a hobby and some friends outside the relationship if your partner doesn't fulfill ALL your needs.
and I LOVE this ridiculous little gem:
[quote]The most important part of a relationship is how you say goodbye
LMAO. Really, R31? You think the MOST important thing in a relationship is ending it? Why bother at all?
[quote] I think if we could cut our cat in half and he had a more stable job, we would inch toward a split.
This made me laugh! W&W.
R2, I do not think that word means what you think it means.
Yer gonna do what you are gonna do.. yer just looking for validation to do it from others.
relationships can be a grind, especially when there is no immediate crisis but you are itching for something else.