My sister is pissed because I was "insensitive" about her miscarriage.

She was a few weeks pregnant and then she got her period. She's been a crying mess and I was worried about her. I said sorry, but she needed to get some perspective, that that was really a spontaneous abortion and it happens all the time in nature. I said you've probably "miscarried" before and didn't even know it. She called me an asshole, so I went home.

OP - You were insensitive!
I'd say, "Well, you were planning to abort it anyway, I expect?"
A spontaneous abortion?!? Did you have her arrested?
Holy Rolling Republican
Either a troll or a retard.
Well, in her defense, you do sound like an asshole.
No R4, I'm an honest pragmatist who treats adult women like adults instead of widdle girls.
OP, you're technically correct but she didn't need to hear that interesting tidbit from her sibling at that particular moment. Let her doctor provide the medical information, your job is to offer sympathy, commiseration, & a shoulder to cry on if she wants to do that.
I didn't know that Umpy had a sister.
Tell her you're very sorry that you acted like a stupid jerk, and that you really didn't know what you were talking about. She probably just wanted some sympathy, and maybe a hug, for the unexpected death of her baby. Many women miscarry on their first pregnancy, and are very emotional because of that fact.
Luckily%20never%20been%20pregnant
OP forgot that we're all supposed to bow down to straight people because they reproduce. Please, she barey even knew she was pregnant.
You should have let her have a moment. Even if you didn't mean it, it would have saved trouble in the long run.
During the first trimester, the most common cause of miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality.
OP forgot the part where he had mourning sex with his brother-in-law.
[quote] a few weeks pregnant How many weeks, OP?
[quote] then she got her period Do brothers really talk about their sisters like this?
Only jealous queens, r15. The only thing that will run down OPs legs is some santorum.
"for the unexpected death of her baby" The embryo, you mean.
She's being a drama queen. It does happen regularly. How long did she know she was pregnant if she was only about 3 weeks pregnant? It's not what is considered a proper miscarriage. It's or like the embryo didn't take.
She "thinks" she was 3 or 4 weeks pregnant, confirmed only by a home test -not the doctor yet. When she got her period, she knew she had miscarried. I wanted to ask what it looked like, but I used restraint and didn't ask. What do you think it looked like, a blood clot? Was that my nephew/niece Clotty?
OP
I always heard this was a 'good' thing - nature saying something is wrong with the pregnancy.
[quote] What do you think it looked like, a blood clot? Was that my nephew/niece Clotty? You are extremely disturbed, OP. I suggest that you get medical assistance.
OP did not say that his sister was straight or married. Why would you assume that? The sister was right about her assertion.
OP, as a minimum, it was a disappointment for your sister, or worse, she experienced it as a real loss. She obviously wants a child. Why wouldn't a compassionate brother give a hug to his sister and say he's sorry? Go make amends.
[quote] She "thinks" she was 3 or 4 weeks pregnant, confirmed only by a home test -not the doctor yet. When she got her period, she knew she had miscarried. I wanted to ask what it looked like, but I used restraint and didn't ask. What do you think it looked like, a blood clot? Yes. That's exactly what it looks like. Like a heavy period and sort of a small clot of blood. Most women don't even realize it's happened. She was never really pregnant. It never attached properly to the wall. OP, you can commiserate with her over her sadness at not being able to have a baby yet but as I said up thread she did not miscarry. There are women who carry their fetus for months and feel them move and have their hormones out of whack for a long time - these women properly mourn their lost child. Not your sister. Sorry to be such a bitch but is she like this about everything that goes wrong in her life?
Sounds like she's desperate to get pregnant. Has she been trying for awhile?
OP, your sister is perceptive and succinct.
OP, besides stealing from a Howard Stern bit, you're an idiot. She was probably excited. That excitement along with her plans died.
r24 is right. How old is your sister OP? Most women make a big deal out of this the first time it happens. After that they are experienced enough to know that their hormones are causing the emotional reaction, and that this happens to almost everyone. Instead of making her family feel bad about this, she should visit her OB/GYN to see how she can improve her chances of getting pregnant.
I don't have Howard Stern and yes, my sister tends to be self-absorbed and melodramatic.
OP
Regardless, once a pregnancy starts, so do the hormonal changes. And the miscarriage probably caused her real true grief and a sense of loss and the proper response from anyone should be nothing but, "i'm so sorry for your loss."
Tell her everything happens for a reason. That usually covers everything with the easily distracted.
[quote] my sister tends to be self-absorbed and melodramatic Does it run in the family?
You guys, come on. If they ran a Discovery Center course on Trolling the DL this would be the work of one of the top five students in the class, but that's pretty much all you can say about this thread.
Pat her hand and say, "there, there...." Then you can say something comforting, like "don't worry. It'll all come out in the wash."
Anomynous%20
Explain to your sister that she can have her miscarriage now, or carry the little side-show freak to term and be stuck with it forever.
Anomynous%20
Just tell her that a miscarriage is God's way of telling her she'd be a rotten mother. Then ask her about her past abortions-where there's smoke...
OP, you don't say if your sister already has children? That would make a significant in her reaction, I would think...Don't beat yourself up, though! YOU weren't pregnant (I've never had children, either) so you can't be expected to completely understnad or empathize.
God help me (not that there is a God), but you made me laugh out loud like a loon at R19, OP. Something about the capitalization of "Clotty" just got me ROLLING. "I'd like you to meet my daughter, Clotilda." "MOOOOOOOOM, I've told you like, a thousand times, I HATE that name. Call me Clotty, goddammit!"
Yes, it was funny when Howard Stern did it in Private Parts. I hate people who steal jokes and then don't give credit or even deny it.
It's just a matter of poor communication, on both of your parts.
OP. do you have the syndrome known to DL as "ass burgers"?
Dr. Phil
When people we care about are devastated, it's not our job to determine whether they have a right to their feelings. I learned from a great sensitive guy to say "I'm sorry that happened to you," and then give the person a big hug.
Miscarriages didn't used to be treated as these major traumas. Believe me, I have asked older women about this. I think it's so interesting how, over the years, the pro-life organizations have really succeeded in changing how people look at pregnancy. Being so dramatic about a fucking miscarriage is one example of this.
A woman shouldn't really tell others she's pregnant until after the first trimester. Your sister is a nitwit whose looking to sink her claws into the guy who knocked her up, and now she's upset.
R43, people also used to accept that their children might not live through childhood. I don't think I would want to use that as a selling point for telling parents they shouldn't be upset when their child dies.
If she had her period, she wasn't pregnant to begin with.
I bet she supported you, when you came out.
She's upset because her dream of being a mother died. You're an asshole to tell her that it wasn't worth crying about. She's also a raging storm of hormones right now. Pregnancy hormones are very powerful and can turn a mature, stoic women in a weepy little girl *and there is nothing she can do about it.*
been%20there%2C%20done%20that
Christians are so stupid, they have no idea that I'm the world's biggest abortion practitioner!
God
A clump of cells and blood isn't a child yet R45. Miscarriages are par for the course on the road to creating humans. There is no reason to get so damn overwrought about it, when you can just try again.
F&F the OP, a republican pay-per-post who comes here to show how evil gay people are.
R45, I'm so pro-choice I could probably legally get shot in Missouri but if a child is hoped for and wanted and planned for, it doesn't matter if it's a zygote. Sure, it might be less traumatic than if the baby died at 9 months b/c the cord got wrapped around its neck but to a mom who was exited about the potential child, it's still going to be traumatic.
I hear you R52, but I'm saying, [italic]in general,[/italic] there is a night and day difference to how people react to miscarriages today versus 20 years ago. I'm 45 years old and I see it as a lot of wailing and hand-wringing.
The history thing can't be all true. Depending on the woman's chemistry, she could become depressed just from chemical shifts of pregnancy/terminated pregnancy, even if not pregnant for very long. This also happens after abortions.
Maybe you're right R54. Maybe women have always been hurting after a miscarriage, but didn't feel as comfortable being open about until now.
All you 'mos think that a fetus isn't a real living thing so why would the OP be in the wrong? If you can abort the baby and not get sentenced to jail for murder, then you must not think murdering a living human is a crime. So why would this be a crime or warrant any sympathy. Use some logic.
A fetus is obviously a living thing. The emphasis is typically about choice. I personally think that said choice is highly individual and more complicated than any organized interest group for either side could ever accurately depict for all. Anyway, it's perfectly logical to say that feelings and emotions are often illogical...and unreliable. They simply are what they are. Processing and expressing them isn't always easy, nor is processing and accepting them from someone else. Which is why this situation, in my opinion, comes down to a communication issue.
Fags who can never get pregnant do not tend to be understanding in these circumstances. The sister was clearly the attractive favorite in the family.
Captain%20Obvious
R56, can the fetus, if you can even call it such a thing at three weeks, sustain itself on its own? No. So maybe what you should consider is that people who are pro-choice believe in the primacy of the host body. You must have little knowledge of nature itself if you think a miscarriage or a termination is murder. Calling a collection of cells a "living human" is ridiculous and childish. Grow up.
I agree with R42. Doesn't matter whether it was her goldfish that died, or her favorite chrysanthemum plant -- the important thing is that OP's sister is upset about her loss & has a right to expect sympathy & support from her brother. Kind people care about other people's feelings even if they don't share them.
R59, He/she said "living thing," not "living human." Face it, some people are going to feel differently about the criteria and value assigned to "living things" than others. The post itself was indeed poorly written, though.
Don't put strawberry jelly on Wonder Bread and give it to sis. She may have a flashback.
this op.