Can anyone provide real advice for meeting a guy online? That actually works?
I'm newly single after 12 years and live in a rural area. I just moved into my new house in July and have been spending the last couple of months getting it set up.
I'm not ready for much serious dating yet. I would like to do that eventually but basically I'm trying to find a nice guy I can get together with to have sex. Hell, even one time would be great.
I didn't think it would be this difficult as there are definitely some gay guys in the larger towns near me. But it all turns into several emails that go nowhere. I'm a handsome guy and have met other guys I liked. But it always dissolves into BS.
Is it even possible to meet someone online when you live in a rural area?
Online hookups go much better and smoother the more detailed you are about what you are looking for. If you put up and ad that says "looking for fun this afternoon!"... the few responses you get will be only marginally interested and vague. But let's say you write "need a bottom bear bud, 40+, to come over and drink from the tap"... the few responses you get will be HIGHLY interested. They will show up.
A lighter approach that is also specific can work too. When I was out of town in a fairly rural area, I put up an ad that said "single guy, 42, working temporarily in this area. Would love to meet up with a guy around my age for dinner tonight." I got more responses than I could handle and actually met quite a few pleasant people that way.
Again, I think overall the goal is to be specific. The flip side is to demand specificity. I never let someone get away with "I'm up for anything" or "I'm pretty open", those responses don't tell you a thing, and worse, keep things too non-committal. If communication stays at at that level, I just stop communicating altogether.
Red flags for me (guys I will stop communicating with): unwillingess to send pictures (or unwillingness to send pictures that are clear); any claims of being 'bi'; MWM; any mention of the word "discreet" (or worse, "discrete"). I don't have anything against discretion per se, but I've found that online it's just an excuse for being a closeted coward. And if they use 'discrete', I think they are stupid to boot.
Once you decided you are interested, get very specific about logistical details: "how about we meet at Joe's bar at 7?" "what is your number?" etc.
To sum up: Stay specific about what you want and expect; demand specificity from the other guy about what he wants and expects; exchange pictures and cell phone numbers; make clear plans for next steps (when/where/what).
Great advice from R1. Can't stress enough the importance of specificity. Keep in mind also that while there are lots of great guys out there, there are lots of jerks as well. Some are content going around and around getting their kicks online with no intention of meeting in real life. Some to the extent of inventing an online persona. You need to learn to eliminate these time wasters quickly.
Oh, and be careful.
Wow. R1 & R2 you have definitely written about what is happening. Thanks for the great responses. Why can't I meet someone like you guys? I'm up for a NSA hookup but with a real person.
As you've said, I've received responses from guys that are married but they can't seem to "get away" and just email endlessly. Also received responses from guys that ask for one pic, then another and another.
I'm also into discretion. But I view that as a reasonable approach to protecting my identity in a small town. I'll def send a face pic if the guy seems genuine. My discretion is not about hiding anything like the guys who are married.
This is the message I thought about posting on the hookup site. The site gives all the other stats but this would be the message:
"At the moment, I want to meet a guy for sex. I'm reasonably handsome and willing to exchange face pics. I expect you to do the same. I'm basically a top and the guy next door and would love to meet a guy who's compatible with me. If you're interested, I'd like to exchange a couple of emails and pics, and meet in town. What say you?"
Glad to help if I can in anyway. My take on your r4 response (I am assuming you are the OP):
1) Once they say they are married (or bi), just stop answering. It will go nowhere. Even if they on some level want to meet, they won't.
2) If they will not send a clear face picture, that should be an immediate dealbreaker. Again, stop communicating. Not only do you not know what you are getting, I think not sending a picture is also a sign of overall flakiness about whether the guy is serious about meeting.
3) In my view, your post is not nearly specific enough. It's way too generic. I'm not saying it won't get you responses, but what I am saying is the starting points between what you want and what you will likely will likely be very far apart. I would say you should add in: when do want to meet? tonight? this weekend? tomorrow afternoon? Do not leave it up in the air, since that will lead to 20 emails about each other's availability. Do you want to host at your place? Say so: "looking to host tonight in east town" or whatever. How open are you to age range? Put it in there.
Overall I think your post is too wishy-washy between seeming to want sex and seeming to want friendship. If all you really want is sex, then say that: "horned top here, looking to fuck. also cool with making out and sucking cock".
As far as "meeting in town", why not be more specific? If there is a gay bar, suggest meeting there. If they won't meet you there, that is a red flag and you should just drop them.
You want someone who is compatible with you without actually saying what would make them compatible.
Also, don't "ask" for pics, demand them. As in "send pics and let me know when you're available."
BE SPECIFIC. It will help, I promise.
R1, that was me, the OP. I was going for the "lighter approach" you mentioned. I'm pretty aggressive in bed but normally not what people think when they meet me. This isn't a CL post but on a hookup website.
How about this:
"I'm looking for a hot bottom for sex. I'm a handsome guy and willing to exchange face pics. I expect you to do the same. I'm a top with a 8 inch cock and looking for a hot bottom that I can toss around in bed. You will not be disappointed. I like lots of different types of guys. Send me a face and ass pic and let me know when you can hook up. We'll meet at [location.] I live right around the corner."
'You will not be disapointed' is code for you will be so disapointed.
Don't use that phrase. State your age, height, weight. 'different types of guys' guarantees you will hear from the senior citizens, the obese, and the downright scary.
Be Specific...how many times do we have to tell you.
OP sure thinks highly of himself. He should have no problem hooking up with such self-esteem.
OP also uses what used to be called "AOL inches"
The text would be in the context of my profile that states my age, height, weight and the age range I'm looking for. So they'll already know that. I can't say "lets meet tonight at 7:00" because I don't know when they will be viewing my profile.
As far as size I am willing to send a pic so that is not an issue.
I do agree that the "disappointed" comment doesn't come across right. But I really get off on seeing a guy enjoy it. Not sure how to say that. And the "I like lots of different types of guys" is true for me but R7 has a point.
You kids today…
What happened to simpler times?
[quote][bold]"STICK IT IN![/bold] Taking all cummers! Meeting [bold]NOW[/bold] at Valtrex Smorgasbord and Motorlodge Court Rm 208"???
R8, if you feel that I think highly of myself you are definitely mistaken.
OP. Mostly average. Just trying to hook up.
It's called Grindr, OP.
I live in a rural area, R12. There would be about 2 people on Grindr.
I love how overused phrases take on new meaning when you see them repeatedly on hook up sites, and then get to meet the people who use them. I have met quite a few guys through hook up sites over the years.
"Muscular" often turns out to mean "fat."
"Discreet" means either "closeted flake" or "I'm cheating on my boyfriend."
"No games or BS" means "I excel at games and BS."
"Look young for my age" means "insecure and lying about my age."
"Don't be a douche" means "I'm a douche -- it takes one to know one."
But OP, have you even TRIED grindr? You might be surprised.
OP: Grindr will automatically expand its search radius to make sure you always have options. Everyone needs options!
You get laid yet?
Or you could, you know, move somewhere that isn't Bumfuck.
Your choice to live somewhere like that comes with the tradeoff of far fewer available homosexual partners. Deal with it, or move to a city. Doesn't have to be LA or New York, but I'm sure that wherever your little slice of BFE heaven is, there is a medium-sized city not terribly far away that you could live in.