I fucking HATE it when people bring their newborns into the office and we're expected to oogle all over them or risk being known as an employee who "doesn't participate."
There's a simple response if you want them to avoid your area. Ask to hold the baby. Accidentally drop it. In the future no one will bring their newborns near you.
"Ogle," not "oogle." But I agree with your sentiment, OP.
The best part is before the baby is born, when you get the "Shhh...it's a surprise!" e-mail invite to the baby shower for knocked up employee from some deluded coworker with not enough work to do. And then you have to RSVP for it - so they have a list of names of poor saps who were forced to participate lest the list be used against you.
Agree with you totally, OP. I don't want to coo over a baby, I'd rather work. Never know what to say: "I'm glad your kid isn't as hideous as its parents after all?"
Woman, no kids.
R1, you might have to do it twice so... pray Sandy in accounting has twins.
Just pretend you're on the phone and wave.
OP, just tell them you're a pedophile. That should keep them at bay.
Hahaha, r7. Maybe I should just run up to them when they bring the baby in and frantically beg them to let me babysit when the baby turns 6. Even if they're 45 minutes away.
I work in an office full of regular breeders - and fortunately, I only experience this a couple of times a year. It could be MUCH worse so I just suck it up.
It takes all of 2 minutes to say hello, coo over the little one, and tell the new mom she looks great (despite the weight gain, bad skin, bags under eyes and messy hair) and get back to work. Or beg off and say you're coming down with a cold and don't want to risk being near the baby. That gets you off the hook completely. Pick you battles. This one isn't worth it.
If I had a baby, I wouldn't bring it anywhere near the creeps at work.
I get on the phone w/ someone so I look too busy to bother.
R11 makes a good point. Why would you want to wave an innocent child around atv the people at work? Half of them don't want any part of it, the boss sees you being a mommy putting your kid ahead of your job (again, and for many years to come), and you're pulling workers away from their jobs, even if they don't mind. Why? Don't they have lunches for this? Or how about a party at your house if your coworkers love you so much?
Doesn't happen much around here. But when it does I join in, like R10 says, unless the cooing and stories goe on for too long, at which point I turn back to my desk and pick up the phone.
"I don't understand. The baby's white. I thought the father was that black guy with the muscles from the janitorial crew."
Frankly, I think most of the mothers in my office think like R11 and keep their kids away from the freak show. I would too!
R10 is correct.
r10, r17 = no-fun weenies
(probably were teachers' pets.)
Good lord, you people are antisocial weirdos! It won't make a dent, but I second R10, and furthermore, I assure you that your co-workers are also only pretending an interest in your weekend doings, hobbies, concert-going, etc.
When the big boss lady (who is actually very nice) brings in her kids (who are actually very adorable), I'm one of the first in line to coo. Anyone else? Sorry, I'm on a call.
I hate it too, but you don't have to be such an asshole about it. There's nothing wrong with simply saying "congratulations" and going about your business.
I REALLY hate it when the kids have a half day of school and show up in Mommy's or Daddy's office for 2 hours, then Mommy or Daddy gets to leave at 2 in the afternoon to "work from home" (aka fucking get a half day off while I finish their work).
My solution is simple. You hear the mother/father coming around showing off their beautiful baby, so grab your iPod touch and head to the crapper. Play some mahjong or catch up on DL. 15 minutes usually allows them to move onto a new department.
Works great avoiding grand parents and their adorable grand baby pics.
Babies are cute! However, if the coworkers are assholes, you probably (and rightfully) project their asshole vibes onto their kid, making the kid seem retarded, bratty and annoying. I'd be happy to coo over an awesome coworker's baby.
OP here. There's yet another baby shower today. Of course it's our managing director's assistant (we already had one for her less than 2 years ago) so we're all obligated to go. So me, who makes a pittance, has to supply her, who makes so much more than me, a present to support her spawning time.
I feel you, R21. This "working from home" nonsense drives me crazy. And I call bullshit to the people who are "so much more productive!" at home, but the second they jump on a conference call, all I can hear are your little shits screaming at the top of their lungs.
Is everyone here a telemarketer? It's 2012. Who spends that much time on the phone anymore?
Not into kids, either, but come on! I'll just stop for a minute and say "oh, how cute, congratulations". I sometimes wonder how you queens troll through life ....
You need to get a real fucking job, a more "manly" job, where no one will give a fuck if you ignore the babies.
This just means you care more about what others think about you. So, stop it.
Correction. Babies only turn cute at around 4-5 months.
It is not healthy to have a young baby exposed to all those people in an office breathing all over it.
[quote]Works great avoiding grand parents and their adorable grand baby pics.
I used to work in an office that had a Very Important Client whose "babies" were his purebred dogs, which he & his wife exhibited in shows all over the country. He frequently dropped in to show everyone pictures of the doggies & their most recent awards -- they were fine looking critters, though a little bit does tend to go a long way. We were all expected to fawn, of course, just part of the job (& not the worst part, after all).
OP, Casually mention that you have allergies or a minor illness and don't want to contaminate their beloved offspring. Paranoid moms will stay far away, whether it's true or not.
"I can't believe it didn't turn out black, you must have some dominant genes!"
Ask the mother how she's going to lose the baby weight.
I don't mind because some of the co-workers are nice and it's fun to catch up ... but the there have been some that stay for over half an hour and it's just too much. You all have to do the awkward drift back to your desk and pretend to be superbusy while thinking gee, they worked here, why can't they take a hint?
It's a lot worse for women in the office who don't give a shit, believe me. I can't stand it either, but because I'm female I'm expected to not only coo over little Madyson, but listen with rapt attention while the new mom drones on about labor, delivery , late night feedings, postpartum depression, and.....on and on and on. And for us, it's not just on new baby "visit day." It goes on forever.
If a woman doesn't show the appropriate level of interest in another woman's baby/kids, they risk being labeled hostile, antisocial and jealous.
I have a minimal working relationship with most of my coworkers. Some I just do not like and I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
But when someone has a baby, they bring the kid in and plop him/her right in the middle of the floor in the foyer which is right near my office. So I have to come in and STEP OVER the baby plastered all over the floor, because the diaper bags are strewn about, baby strollers blocking shit, grown people spawled out to coo coo the wrinkled, red, gurgling, baby. It's easier than risking getting my foot caught in a diaper bag strap and falling all over the damn place.
Look, I hate the Nazi I work with, why should I stop and smile at his kid?
I coo over dogs
Will someone do something about these damn kids running all over the office before I fuck them?
Yep not interested either. Somebody came in today don't know her well and everyone gathered around talking baby talk to this newborn who then started crying. So would I if I were a baby, having 10 adult faces staring and saying 'aren't you a lovely wuvly widdle baby1'. Really??? Please give me a big bucket I need to throw up!
My boss used to bring his kid to work because there was no one to watch him at home. His wife did not work and they had a nanny. But somehow no one was at home to watch the kid. Then he had to take off early to pick up his other kid from school. These people pretended to have no time management skills in order to milk the company for all it was worth. I could go on and on...
The best part of babies in the office is when they projectile vomit on the stuffy, antisocial, baby-hating queens.
"Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it ... You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
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