Creative Writing Time: Write the gay version of "50 Shades of Grey"

"50 Shades of Gay" is the story of billionaire fashion executive Christian Gay and his sadomasochistic relationship with the sexually inexperienced Andy Steele. Your job is to write a passage that mimics EL James's moronic prose. I'll start: [italic]He slipped the fifth finger in, sending my inner goddess writhing around like Madonna at the 1984 VMA's. "Well well," Christian said. "Like Marc Jacobs once told me, 'Four fingers, shame on you. Five fingers, shame on me.'"[/italic]

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