Does anyone have trouble reaching orgasm with someone else?

I can cum pretty quickly when jerking myself off, but I've always had trouble cumming when having sex with someone else. I can fuck for hours or get endless head, but I won't cum unless I jerk myself off. Anyone else have the same condition? Has anyone else been able to resolve this problem?

• I know men have that problem. It usually means you are jerking off too much. That you know yourself better than your partners. As a woman, nothing is worse than a man who just won't come. I am (and always have been) multi-orgasmic. It must biological cause I am that way with every man regardless of talent. So, there I am exhausted from coming and the guy is still at it. It starts to hurt after a while. Really -- it should be okay to say "Honey, why don't you finish yourself off."

• Dan Savage has written about this. Something about ridged arousal patterns and too much masturbation. Personally, I can't think of a bigger turn off than when a guy can only get off with his own hand... Except maybe thumb rings.

• Too much porn and masturbations, Op

• I like coming quickly- a couple of minutes if I'm on my own, but my partner can take up to ah hour.

• So the point is, you should feel shame over this condition, OP.

• Yep, I could have written this post. It makes me feel terrible sometimes because I can be with the hottest guy on earth, but I still will have a lot of trouble cumming. Inevitably he'll take it personally, thinking I'm not attracted to him. I'm the first to admit I watch way too fucking much porn, and it has ruined me. I also get performance anxiety when with another guy though, and that doesn't help things. I've always been jealous of guys who can cum on command. But then again there is the plus side--I can ram for hours.

• I don't think my condition is due to too much masturbation, but then what is too much? When I was younger, I'd masturbate once every couple of days, once a day at most. Everyone else I knew, masturbated much more often than that. I've always thought my problem was that "arousal patterns are too rigid."* because I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23. * thanks R2

  OP

• How it can take anyone hours to cum is out of my realm. I can never keep myself from cumming no matter jacking, sucking or fucking. In fact, one the reasons that I don't fuck (and I don't miss not fucking; I don't care), is that I will cum within seconds (or less) of entering a guy's hole. So he would get no satisfaction and I would be spent in seconds; therefore, I don't do it. I can control cumming easier (but certainly not for all that long) when getting sucked. And of course, I can edge when jacking off and control it if necessary. I guess I'm a premature ejaculator and have never been able to control shooting...and I shoot far and quite a lot.

  50-year old

• R8 - have you tried nonlubricated condoms? They help me.

• R8 - that's not always a bad thing. I've had two exes who took FOREVER to cum. They were both very endowed and it was the most boring after experience to spend an hour trying to "crack the safe". I had tried to start off working on their orgasm first, but they both would flip it because I think they knew we were in for a marathon. In my opinion, a quick jump is OK if there's more later. Usually the 2nd time is more intense than the first. And at least someone has cum.

• Shit, I've come three times in ten minutes before. Every once in a while, I get into a space where I know it's just not going to happen. But in those cases, I couldn't get MYSELF off either. It's usually because of alcohol when that happens (drunk sex is never good).

• They don't call it retarded ejaculation for nothing, bub.

• I totally have this problem. I think part of it is relaxing and letting go.

• I have this same problem. But I'm also very pee-shy so I've always assumed the two things were related.

  Slow%20to%20let%20things%20out%20of%20my%20dick

• R1 is a heterosexual woman!!!!!! Begone!!!

• if i only came when i had sex with another dude i would be down to 10-12 orgasms a year

• most men married to fat fraus are like this

• I have the same problem. I can be hard for hours with the right guy but have a real trouble ejaculating without finishing myself off. When I jerk off, it takes only a minute or two maximum.

• Only whn I've fuckeD the guy

• The trouble is you have to 'practice' with another person, and that's not so easy to find. Concentrate on finding someone who doesn't intimidate you. Or practice with a sex toy like one of those latex pussies or a Fleshlight*. Forbid yourself from touching your dick when masturbating, and train your dick in getting off with something other than your hand.

• It takes me a long time either way, with someone else, or by myself. It's not a bad thing per se, I just can't really have a quickie. I need to make sure I've got a good half hour to kill if I want to rub one out. A lot of times I won't jerk off for a week or so and that way when I hook up I know I'll be able to come eventually.

• I think guys with bigger dicks take longer to cum. It seems like small-dicked guy go off like a rocket. Maybe because their nerve endings are all concentrated over a smaller area? Am I onto something here?

• more common than you think. it takes me ages with someone else.... so i don't always. as long as you both enjoy yourselves, its fine :)

• I've got the same problem, and like R14, I'm also pee-shy. I just can't pee when someone is in the next urinal, it's some kind of mental block. One guy wanted me to pee on him, and I just couldn't. I stood there for an eternity trying to force something to come out, but no. It takes me forever with a partner, and usually ends up frustrating them. It varies with the partner, I think depending on the combination of attraction and being comfortable with them. Another quirk is that I can only cum when laying on my back or sitting up. I can't do it when standing or facing down. It's always been this way, since I was a teenager. I've got a fleshlight, and even with that wind up having to lay on my back and finish off with my hand. I should keep practicing with it, like R20 says.

• For pee-shy and cumstuck: pretend your penis is a hose and you're going to spray someone in the face, perhaps aggressively. Don't worry about "making a mess". Feel dirty and nasty.

• If you value connecting with other human beings, porn is not your friend, boys.

• Have you MET other human beings, R26? I'll stick to porn, thanks.

• It's even worse with me. Not only do I need to masturbate to orgasm, I have to fantasize about someone else.

• Thanks for sharing everyone. At least it doesn't feel like I'm the only person who's like this. R24 , It sounded like you were describing me. I can't cum standing up either. It feels like there has to be a specific position and the same amount of pressure for a specific amount of time "to crack the safe", if anything is different, it's not going to happen. I also have a fleshlight,but it feels old and gross to stick my dick in that thing and I tend to lose my erection pretty quickly. I've thought about getting some sort of mechanical cock pumping toy, like an Accujack

  OP

• Typed, "I also have a fleshlight,but it feels old and gross to stick my dick in that thing..." Meant to type, "I also have a fleshlight,but it feels Cold and gross to stick my dick in that thing..."

  OP

• OP/R30, you're supposed to soak it in really warm water first. DUH.

• I also can't get off unless I'm jerking myself. I have a fuck buddy who gives great blow jobs, but I just can't cum unless I stop him and finish it off with my hand. I think he's sometimes frustrated, but now he has found enjoyment in laying his head on my lower stomach and letting me cum on his face. I also have trouble cumming when standing up. Maybe there is some connection there.

• I use a melon

• You people sound like a bunch of women having a therapy session in the 1970s discussing their inabliity to reach orgasm.

• [r34]: that's DL in a nutshell.

• No.

• Yes, OP. But that's only because most straight men don't know where (or what) the clitoris is.

• Not when sissy-boodles is in the room

• Yes. And it is slowly destroying my relationship.

• And here I thought cum-control and stamina were masculine traits?

• Why in the world would a gay guy use a fleshlight? Aren't they fake vaginas?

• Fleshlights have attachments shaped like assholes and mouths, R41. A lot of this is some of you being used to jacking off in certain positions and with a strong grip on your dick. Like the boys that learn to get off by humping the mattress and never getting used to fucking someone real.

• R24 here, I was all horned up this morning, so I thought I'd give the fleshlight a try while standing up. It started out ok, but after about 20 minutes of going at it while standing up, I just went limp and lost interest, couldn't get it back up or finish. When that happens, I usually lay back down and finish with my hand, but decided not to today. Maybe if I just keep practicing like that, and do it without watching porn, or allowing myself to finish with my hand, I can train myself. Worth a try anyway.

• Sex takes lots of practice

• I just came reading these posts.

• There's a whole novel that was written about this problem for gay men in 1980: "The Confessions of Danny Slocum [sic]," by George Whitmore, one of the members of the Violet Quill. Sadly, it's out of print, and Whitmore died from AIDS in 1989.

• Stop jerking off, you have burnt out your trigger

• r46, does dear Danny have any relation to Missez Slocum?

  The%20Slow%20Cum%20Movement

• OP: I've had this problem since I started having sex when I was 18, and I still have it at the age of 30. Only two partners have been able to make me cum from oral sex...one gave amazing head and the other was my first real bf (and I felt really comfortable with him). To be honest, I suffer from performance anxiety issues. It also doesn't help that I take antidepressants, which can mess with your libido. When it comes to masturbating, I have no problem cumming.

• There have been studies done that show that porn addiction affects your real-life sex. The connection should be obvious, OP.

• R24 & R43 here again with my status update. Hey, I'm really trying to work on this! By last weekend, I'd gone for a week without letting myself cum or watch any porn at all. By the weekend, I was completely horned up. I hooked up with a kind of sweet, non-intimidating guy and fucked him silly. I never lost my erection, even while fucking him in missionary position (which is usually a problem for me). I came in good time (though still had to jack myself off). I shot right over my head & felt fantastic. There's really something to withholding from cumming & watching porn. Now it's been 4 days since I last came... hoping for a repeat this weekend or sometime soon. I'll keep you posted!

• I do. I have generally always been a tightly wound type, and after 35 or so starting having sex very rarely. It isn't exactly ED, but that too. I just cannot focus, because I'm so used to having sex alone, I guess. I also don't care very much about it. I'm 48 btw.

• When you think about it, the most sex people have is alone. Probably a ratio of 10:1 (or more) over a lifetime. It just makes sense that whatever gets you off when you're by yourself just naturally becomes your default.