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Just broke up with a straight guy

Just broke up with a straight guy I'd been "dating" for a month. We went to movies, dinner, took him sailing, a Giants game, and went on long walks together on the beach at sunset and talked for hours. Call me old-fashioned, but I just don't kiss on the first, second, ... or fifth date. But I tried on the sixth. Didn't work out so well. His name is Greg-o-ree. How many straight guys with incredibly cute butts do you know who call themselves Greg-o-ree? Not "Greg," which is the proper, hetero version. Gregory is pissed that I tried to break up with him and isn't having any of it... "We were never even a couple" etc.. and won't stop texting me. Greg is coming over for dinner tomorrow. He says this isn't the first time this situation has happened. I just don't have the time to clean the hot tub or call him Greg-oree, but I can cook a mean lamb shank with couscous. We will likely watch the All-Stars game after dinner. But I'm not gonna try to hold his hand. Fuck me, please.

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