Dear Gym Members,
Our experience and that of your fellow member will be enhanced if you follow these guidelines.
1. Throwing your towel over the timer of the machine fools no one. During the period when there is a 30 minute limit. Follow it. Don't yell at me when I come to tell you to move on. It is not my problem that you need to lose 15 pounds before Saturday.
2. Both band aids and tampons need to go in the garbage, not the shower stall or the toilet.
3. If we can hear what you are listening to turn your portable music device down. It is intrusive to other members.
4. Men: We know you jerk off in the shower and suck each other off in the steam room. If a complaint comes in or a staff member observes it you will have your membership revoked. This is not anti gay discrimination. If you are old, ugly or fat be sure men will complain. Yes, we know the men complaining probably do it too. Tough, member complaints = membership revoked.
5. Sorry you have ashy skin, the rule is NO creams or oils in the sauna or steam. Take your ashy skin home to deal with it. NO this is not a racist policy.
...and no I am not shaving your back.
6. Draping several towels on the floor and five feet of bench around your locker WHILE talking on your cell phone while completely naked does definitely assert your piggish sense of turf and a neurotic need to distance yourself from others. But those others may have their stuff in a locker next to yours, so cut it out, Mary.
7. being a cunt and acting like a bitch to everyone is our first priority
What exactly is "ashy" skin?
R4, ashy skin on AfrAms is dry and flaky. Those prone to ashiness are constantly applying lotion to moisturize.
"Ashy" is dry skin on a black person, and the dry skin has a grey ashy look to it.
Mariah Carey had a lyric on it - "them chickens is ash, and I'm lotion"
Message to Gym Managers:
Working at a gym is a mere step above working the counter at MacDonalds. Please keep this in mind even if your clientele is slightly more upscale.
Quick someone call a whaaaaaaambulance
[quote]If a complaint comes in or a staff member observes it you will have your membership revoked. This is not anti gay discrimination. If you are old, ugly or fat be sure men will complain. Yes, we know the men complaining probably do it too. Tough, member complaints = membership revoked.
Ok, serious question. If I want to cancel my NYCS gym membership but I'm locked into a contract, and they won't let me out, should I just have flagrant sex in the steam room and then suddenly they'll revoke/nullify my contract? In other words, will fellatio succeed where bureaucracy has failed?
[qote]will fellatio succeed where bureaucracy has failed?
It always has.
Could a contributing member please start a new thread about the weather in Paris in November and whether it is a good time to visit?
thanks so much!
[quote]will fellatio succeed where bureaucracy has failed?
It always has.
could a contributing member start a thread about french gym etiquette, especially in the Autumn.
And there is a time limit on how long you can troll the steamroom. After 30 minutes, you are simply embarrassing yourself and annoying everyone else!
R9 from what I know of NYSC they will give you an upgrade.
Seriously....go to upper management.
Oh god how true, R14. There is a googly-eyed schlump who haunts my gym, padding like a woeful/hopeful dog from shower to sauna to shower to steam room to shower to sauna to shower to steam room etc. He's doing that when I arrive and he's still doing that when I leave an hour later. Have never seen him lift a weight in the actual gym area.
Message from Management:
Please rest assured our janitorial staff will only apply gag-producing Lysol/Pine Sol sprays to equipment and mirrors during peak hours, especially when you are working nearby. Thank you.
So funny. Is this a parody?
Message to Gym Management,
This isn't a gym.
It's an Internet messageboard
We give not one fuck
...and yet you replied R19.
A little off topic, but some questions for all you NYSC sluts. I recently moved to the Upper West Side equally distant to the 80th and 94th St. locations. I'm thinking of joining, but not sure which location to go to. Of course I'm looking for a quality workout, and I imagine both gyms offer similar equipment in that area, but what I really want to know about is the shower/sauna/steamroom action. Which has the hotter guys? Which has fewer trolls? Which sees more traffic? Is it easier to get caught having sex in one location over the other? Does one have a better view of the locker room from the shower/sauna/steamroom, so that one can assess if anything worthwhile is about to enter the area? TIA.
Future NYSC slut
R21, please if you are such a steam room troll then pay a bit extra to go to any NYSC you want. You'll get sick of the same few dozen fellow steam room trolls after a few months, it's good to have location variety. p.s. the 80th is better.
Dear Gym Management,
You will continue to take my money and I will continue to do whatever the hell I want. I know you think of the gym as your own little kingdom, but at the end of the day, some 'roided out loser will always have to kiss the asses (of varying firmness) of paying customers.
R21 the 80th street location has so many permanent trolls they have nicknames.
90th has fewer trolls but there is always one going back and forth between steam and sauna.
If you want great head with far fewer trolls go to Reebcock. Hot men.
[quote] "[R21] the 80th street location has so many permanent trolls they have nicknames."
You're right R24, "King Troll" and "Gummy Bear" (to name a few), but King Troll was ousted about 2 years ago.There use to be a thread on them in here if some of you remember. The "Snickers Imbroglio" still is fresh in my mind.
R25 does birdman still haunt the place?
Birdman and Gummy Bear are still there. Birdman is going to DIE there. Glad SOMEONE in here remembers.
I sometimes wonder what shenanigans King troll is up to these days, but he obviously proved that "sugar is bad for you" in the most epic way.
PS from mgmt.... F2Ms will NOT be allowed to stand at - or more precisely squat over - the urinals until their bottom surgery is complete.
24 hour on Post in SF has trolls with nicknames as well.
Grandpa Walton: Old, fat goatee, takes hours in the shower and steam hoping some young thing will glance his way. Takes Cialis on Sunday and spends the day.
Mr. Super Creepy Man: Lives out in the Sunset, wears glasses IN the shower as well. Balding nebbishy Asian gay, 50's. Holds hands over tiny dick and rubs as he watches men shower. Uses them for living pornography.
[quote]Throwing your towel over the timer of the machine fools no one
I've never seen a timer on a machine in the gym. Where is this?
R30 = Fat Ass.
That thread with all the trolls was so funny. Someone needs to bring it back and update it.
I agree w/ R32.
[quote] "That thread with all the trolls was so funny. Someone needs to bring it back and update it."
J'ADORED that thread!
That was a funny thread.
Showers are required.
Towel dances are prohibited.
I miss the troll thread also.
Today would be a great day to talk about GYM TROLLS.
R38, start a thread that begins "I was EYE RAPED today by an eldergay TROLL in the locker room."
I guarantee 500 replies minimum.
Oh god, white people get ashy too!
I need to let you guys in on a secret: your akin gets dry and cracked as well, it's just not as visible because you're white. You should be using lotion after showering, too.
And you may want to put some of that lotion on your dry, cracked feet too before you saunter around the city in flip flops. And wash the bottoms of your feet, too.
[quote] your akin gets dry and cracked as well, it's just not as visible because you're white.
not me, I'm as greasy as I was when a Teen, I WISH I got dry skin.
i encountered a spa castle troll last night. i couldn't move tub/sauna location without him following right behind. he also listened in on conversations i was having with others, and starting to respond without being spoken to. so sad. oh and i also watched a few young (and actually attractive) hasidic men beat each other with a soapy mop looking instrument while completely naked in the sauna. it felt seconds away from becoming a porno and was actually really hot.
re 24 Hr Fitness, does the percentage of painfully straight men in the facility determine the condition of the men's locker room?
seems like the tiny cramped Market Street branch (lots of gays) is the most tolerable, while the bigger Potrero Hill branch (lots of aggro-straights) looks like a hastily abandoned shelter
if you're gonna jerk off at me in the shower, then at least make the effort to aim your milk into the protein shake bottle I thoughtfully placed by your stall.
I have seen some of the same trolls every time I've been to Spa Castle.
[quote]Oh god, white people get ashy too!
But only on Ash Wednesday.
you need to see the gym rats episodes on youtube.
if you're a gym monkey.. they have covered them all..
I know a lot of gyms have policies that if there's a complaint that a member is doing something sexual they get tossed out and lose their memberships but I've always wondered, how can they prove it?
The memo above basically says, if there's a complaint, then you're out no matter what.
So, say some asshole just decides to claim you were jerking off in the steam room or whatever and it's not true. Just wondering how legally they can get away with it if there isn't proof.
And if it happens to you, then just turn around and claim the guy who reported you was doing the same thing. They'd have to revoke his membership too then, right?
If you're going to annoy other members by turning one of the monitors in the cardio area to Fox News, you have to stay and watch it.
I'm going to wear a jockstrap out onto the gym floor, dammit!
Tuesdays is jock strap fuck a friend in the steam room day