How is your life? Don't you get ever get lonely?
Share your daily life here, cause people are interested.
Yesterday, like all holidays, was tough. Everyone always seems to have such fun plans with friends and family. I didn't leave my apartment.
I'm pretty much a loner these days. The older I get, the less I need to be around people. I've also moved 3 times to different parts of the country and that has made it difficult to maintain friendships when the people I care about the most are thousands of miles away.
I've been having some health issues for the past year, and its really making me aware of just how alone I am.
I have some good friends, but I can probably count them on two hands. And when you consider a lot of them have spouses and families, or don't live close by, it can get lonely sometimes.
On the other hand, I find when I have a lot of social activities planned over a short period, I crave time to just be by myself at home. So for me it's all about striking the right balance between friends and self.
Am I crazy or are there a lot more of these threads lately?
I'm an introvert and a bit of a loner. Always have been. I have a partner who is very similar, so we get each other. We have friends and do go out to socialize and so on. But we balance it with lots of time at home, alone (with each other)
Our favourite kind of evening is when we stay home with some takeout, a bottle of wine, and a movie.
C'mon, OP. If people were interested, the loners would have friends.
I lost a lot of friends with my last relationship. It ended recently and I'm a bit lonely but I realize it's self-inflicted. I'm young and good looking so if all I wanted not to be alone I could remedy that.
I read, go on the Internet, watch movies, go for walk, etc.
I like a lot of alone time and I don't like having to plan things with people or keep up with people on a regular basis. I talk to a lot of people but I only stay in contact with a very small group of people.
Same here. Thought I was the only one. No family and work. But I am happy this way.
I have no family. I have a few friends, but they don't live in Los Angeles, where I am. I work at home, so there's no work community in my life. Mostly I do things by myself, which for the most part is okay. There are times I get terribly lonely -- like on JUly 4th -- but the fact is, modern life is pretty well set up for loners. There's tv, netflix, the Internet and above all, DataLounge. I tend to think of Datalounge as my social life.
Go ahead and flame away. But without you all, I wouldn't have much interaction with other people.
I'm never lonely, either, though I don't have close friends near me.
I've always been a loner and have always had a few really close friends, rather than a crowd of superficial friends.
The exception was when I lived in NY and was a member of a 12-step group. I had hundreds of friendly acquaintances I saw all the time, and dozens of people I actually considered friends.
It was exhausting, and while I sincerely liked all those people, I'm glad to be back to a more comfortable life.
Which means my closest friend lives 100 miles from me, another close friend is 50 miles away, and I have two or three people who consider themselves my friends who live near me, but they don't really know me, and I don't have a lot of interest in letting them get to know me.
Holidays are great, however. I always have a couple of books I'm reading and several DVDs to watch, and I usually make a lot of food, which I then separate out into freezer containers that will feed me for a week.
When I want a change of scenery, I will go visit one of my out of town friends and we'll see a movie and have dinner at someplace knew to me, but most of the time, I like being on my own.
And of course there's also facebook, which is so weird because there are people on fb who have friended me after seeing something I wrote on a mutual friend's wall, and now they try to act like we're personal friends. I try to be polite, for the sake of our mutual friends, but I really have no interest in them at all.
I have a hard time making friends, I was bullied relentlessly the whole of my childhood so I have hard time socialising, I cut myself off because my whole childhood and teenage years I spent alone.
I spent my childhood saying "I just want to be left alone" now it seems it has haunted me.
I would like friends, but I won't know how to deal with people I assume no one wants to be my friend so I stay away.
I LOVE being alone. People are exhausting.
My friends are my earrings and my caftans. They amuse me and keep me company.
r15 - For a minute I had a hilarious vision of you drunkenly proclaiming your love for your real live friends, in a "You are the wind beneath my wings" kind of way.
"You are my earrings! You are my caftans! You amuse me and keep my company!"
Well it was hilarious to me. Shut up.
That's no joke, r16. That's what my life is really like!
To paraphrase Maria Callas: "Only my earrings and my caftans will not betray me."
Definitely a loner, who has to deal with coworkers rambling on and on on the trips ! adventures ! outings ! they went on.
My choice though. I made my bed and I'm lying in it, alone - and sometimes I prefer that.
I'm not a loner! I have seventeen cats and a bucketful of resentment keeping me company!
People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.
I'm with r13 and r14. I'm so burned out on friends and boyfriends who have tried to use me and take advantage or just be plain assholes toward me. Plus, when I quit drinking, I lost the ability to be tolerant of difficult people. Seriously. So I have a small circle of friends now, either teetotalers or hardcore AA people that I socialize with. And even the latter I find difficult to deal with at times; I find that there are just as many cliques in AA as there are out in the bars and clubs; it was disappointing to discover, but that is life. So I have a lot of "me" time. I went out just long enough to get some food shopping done and returned to my condo. I was going to go and watch the fireworks outside, but didn't feel like dealing with the crowds. It works better for me that way.
I'm famous for being very out-going and friendly and keeping to myself. I have a couple very good friends and that is it, no need for endless socializing, though I like it a lot when I do decided to go out.
R1 that's what I wanted to do.
Instead I got sucked into a 90+ degree heat party with (mostly Republican) people I don't know including one who made a stupid, completely inappropriate "joke" about Health Care Reform within 10 minutes of my arrival. She shut up after I stared her down; I was kinda hoping she'd go on, but it would have been a bad scene if she did.
Then I drank too much and felt polluted and fat.
Count your blessings.
[R13] I could have written your post. You are not alone.
for R13 and R24...
you are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone
Michael Jackson, from hell.
I was a loner till I got super buff + steroids and hit the bars. Then I met a lot of interested people, some for sex and others brothers in-muscle-arms.
Once I quit the hardcore bodybuilding, they all fell by the way side. I didn't expect any different - live by the sword, die by the sword - but I WAS surprised by the the fact it seemed that the most "nicest, sincere" of the bunch ended up making catty comments about my new appearance, whereas others just tactfully ignored me when they saw me coming their way.
Earrings and caftans
They are all I need to please me
They can stimulate and tease me
They won't leave in the night
I've no fear that they might desert me
I don't need love
For what good will love do me?
Caftans never lie to me...
exactly like OP, I felt a bit sad yesterday, the 4th, and occasionally on Sunday evenings for some reason. . .I once had a circle of friends but that's gone (i'm 50-something) and don't like the bars and gay scene anymore. I hook up on the internet and see a couple friends now and again but that's it. I prefer not having any commitments.
How do you deal with coworkers who leave you out of things and discuss their parties and happy hours in front of you?
I'm a loner and although I'm friendly with my coworkers and they're friendly with me, no one here really hangs out after work as far as I can tell. Most people here are spread out geographically and have spouses and/or babies they'd rather spend time with. I know of a few close friendships but those are mostly among the older (50+) ladies. I'm a 40something gay man and none of the other gay guys my age here hang out or even particularly pay attention to each other.
It's nice and low maintenance. Easy peasy lemon squeezy is best.
I have many, many friends. But none that will spend any time with me. Go figure!
My Judy Garland and Ann Miller collections have been my dearest friends for 20 years -- I like it that way!
R29, I have a boss who at Christmastime used to walk into a company meeting she didn't need to attend and interrupt the order of business to hand out gifts to three or four of the 12 or 13 people in the room.
She's done it several times, and although I was always one of the recipients, it was extremely awkward, not to mention destructive to company morale.
I don't have many friends. But, I'm fine about it. I have a lot I need to get done!
I'm 3,000 miles away from family and old close friends.
I have a handful of friends in the city where I live but I'm only close to 2 of them. One is doing a PhD and the other is married and has a kid. Actually most of my close friends are partnered up and have kids now. So for the holidays, I usually end up alone. It's not really about having friends or lack of, it's about having a partner/spouse...someone there for me.
OK, I give up- who is Cheryl??? Is she the singer/reality show judge from the England?
Never mind- I found the "Who the Hell is Cheryl" thread, good times.
You want me, R37! I can tell!
To all the people who live far away from their closest friends and family, could you let us know why you decided to move away from them in the first place? Would you move closer to them if you could or did you deliberately want to be alone and far away from them?
She's an office manager, R36. Every office has a Cheryl...and Cathy or Kathy.
I make a point of not socializing with people at work. I work at a military base, and the officers I support are very cliquish; I went to a holiday party with them my first year there. That was enough. Between the dull stories about OCS and everyone of them falling over themselves to kiss the commanding officer's ass, I couldn't stand it. Plus I had to do it without drinking? I tried, but I am not a social person, I never was I guess.
I was bullied too, I find it hard to make friends because I don't think I allow myself to believe anyone would like me and I'm terrified if I try they'll laugh at me and I'll end up being humiliated and made feel like a 7 year old standing in a high school yard.
I'm the youngest of seven and we're all very close. Holidays are family times usually spent at our lake house. I've never felt the need for a lot of friends. My work is very collaborative, so I interact with interesting people every day. More often than not, I regret making plans to hang with coworkers or acquaintances. I have a pug to keep me company and I savor my solitude.
loner? check! no friends? check!
i am one of the most alone people in the world. i assume i have to be. i have no siblings and no cousins, my parents are long gone. i have no friends, not one. i live in a lonely suburban wasteland. i don't work (my expenses are comically low, and my pension is plenty sufficient).
i get no christmas cards, no calls or emails on my birthday, and no calls out of the blue to see how i'm doing and catch-up. at 53, i've successfully created my own cocoon, crawled inside, and sealed it up. i think i was damaged too much as a kid and young man for the outcome to be any different.
the closest i come to human contact is the occasional online hookup. sometimes i dupe myself into thinking that these might become genuine friendships (a few have kind of pushed in that direction), but they've never really panned out.
oddly, i don't think i'm depressed (i don't drink, i keep regular hours, exercise, have a reasonable diet, don't feel suicidal, etc.), but maybe i am depressed nonetheless and don't realize it.
i don't really know how i fill my time. i don't watch much tv, but i don't really read a huge amount (probably a book a month or so). i just putter around the house and in the backyard.
so i am definitely a loner. i think i am ok with this and not working to change.
I only have contact with my immediate family, I don't have any friends or a partner. I've never had a bf. I spend most of my time on the internet, watching TV and reading. Food is also a comfort. Sometimes I don't care that I'm this way and sometimes it hurts a lot that I can't connect.
Wondering how much time people spend alone vs. with others. How many nights a week do you spend socializing?
I just moved in with my boyfriend. I miss solitude so much. I love him. I don't like having to account for my time. I want to not know what I'm doing over the weekend sometimes. If I hang out 4 times a week, that's a busy week for me.
I had a ton of friends in college. Maybe it was because I usually drunk, but it was very easy to meet people and connect. Each day I met someone new, in class or at a party, and rarely ever dealt with rude people. In fact, rude people didn't really have very many friends at my college so running into them at parties did not happen.
Now it is hard for me to meet new people. Most people I meet are giant assholes and they are the ones throwing the parties. Even the nice people I meet end up sucking. It seems a lot of people seem to want to make friends but don't want to branch out of their current circle, but more often people just seem like miserable assholes that want you to turn into a miserable asshole.
I've always preferred the company of animals to that of people. The older I get, the more impatient with, & intolerant of, people I become. Just the opposite with animals, & I've come to appreciate birds more too. They make me happy -- why fight it?
I'm with you, R44. Except that I do have family, but they come with so much drama that I try not to spend any time with them if I can possibly help it.
The only bad thing is, I have to work. I'm not working right now, but having a job entails trying to get along with other people whom I inevitably will think are as dumb as a box of hair. It will be excruciating when I finally do find a job.
I wish I never had to leave the house. Seriously.
But you know what Sartre says: Hell is other people.
Same here, R45. I'm female and 56 yrs old.
Always been a loner. Have had several lovers and good friends...but they disappeared, moved or died. I don't have a lot of patiience with people anymore-not that I am angry- I just hybernate a lot so that I don't have to be in a world of unaware ignorant people, cell phones, pods, pads and other gadgets that I find annoying. I have a unique sense of humor that not a lot of people get-I find the irony in situations that others don't..... just me, my dog, my puter, an occasional social outing- and I am content- very calm and serene. Being alone is bliss.
Maybe Dr. Joy Browne could help.
hi. i dont like to hang out or to talk.i pretty much stay quite and be alone. i do not get out the house often. i have friends but i dont talk to them much and family reunion coming and im not going since the reunion is not me at all
I have always been a loner. Most of my family are alcoholics so I don't get on with them. I'm very close to one sibling, so we hang out. My little niece (6 yr old) and I get on well and I like spending time with her. Apart from that, there's one close friend and that's it, really. I spend my free time on the internet, reading, going to the movies, getting massages, shopping, or having coffee by myself. I don't mind, I'm used to it. I'm 43 years old, BTW. I've pretty much accepted that I will die alone. That thought doesn't disturb me as much as it should.
I'm with you R48.
Used to have a very busy social life in Manhattan, then Florida.
Back in NY, but upstate, and partnered with a loner. He really has no friends. My old friends live a couple of hours away and sometimes we go see them, but usually it's just me & him. He does his thing and I do mine. We even have separate rooms, which I realize people may find odd but I love it and sleep much better alone.
We can spend the whole day with barely a word spoke and that's fine with both of us.
[quote] I just hybernate a lot so that I don't have to be in a world of unaware ignorant people..
I preferred to stay in my room growing up plotting my future. Good planning because I met all my career goals by 28.
I used to be more sociable, dinners, concerts, theatre, etc. But now I prefer to be alone. I just want quiet. I think that's why I ended my relationship with my partner a few years ago. She was gorgeous, but exhausting and needed lots of attention.
I have to deal with my clients (my own company) all week so I cherish my alone time.
I spent the 4th sitting in my backyard in the H'Hills watching the fireworks at the beach. It was heavenly.
I feel bad for the people who are alone and don't want to be, particularly the ones who have been bullied. I'm also a bit worried that it might happen to me someday. Some of you make it appear like it's a natural part of growing older. I like to have alone time and I don't mind doing things alone. But I can't imagine experiencing that everyday. I would need someone to talk to, someone to bond with. How old are you,R45? Were some of you disowned by your parents/families?
Outside of work, I'm generally a loner. I have one living family member who I adore and see regularly. My partner lives a few hundred miles away, so we see each other every few weeks and have a great time. I have two people who I occasionally see (every few months). So outside of work and my mother I go days and weeks without any human contact, and that's fine- generally. I realised a while ago that the desire to have time alone is far greater that the desire to socialise.
Have any of you considered moving to Las Cruces, New Mexico?
There are many opportunities to help out their burgeoning senior population (you'll feel needed and appreciated) and it's economical enough for someone to live alone.
There is a growing gay community who likes the outdoors (so they know what being alone means as well) and is single-business owner friendly.
Did it ever occur to you guys that living in a big city is just not appropriate for many people?
Did it ever occur to you guys that living in a big city is just not appropriate for many people?
Yes, many times, but that is where the jobs are for many people. Most people I have met are dying to move to a smaller town but here in the big city is where they have a job, and more are available if they lose their job.
I know people who came from small towns and hated the cliquey, gossipy atmosphere. The grass is always greener.
NYC is a great place to be if you're a loner. There's always a distraction or a deli open if you've got the munchies. I did see a cute guy with a job on my walk home from the subway tonight, so there's always hope. Just when you think there is none!
Small towns (and small and mid-sized "cities")are the WORST for loners/thinkers/gay people! Cosmopolitan intelligent cities are the best!
I'm from a small farm town upstate NY near Canada, the winters were long and I used to live for The Village Voice, The NYTimes, and Rolling Stone mags, and my mother's Vogues. I ended up here alone, not successful in the music biz like I'd hoped, but at least I'm here and not there and I did get to live out some of my music dreams!
R58, it is easy to fall into aloneness when one retires.
While working a job, one is thrown into a mix of people and interaction every day at work, but without a job, it is a common occurance to be alone in retirement because one has to make a constant, continual, concerted effort to counteract the aloneness and seek out people.
It is difficult as one ages.
What R64 said -- San Jose was the worst after an LA life.
R48....I'll be your friend in the valley..52
R13 while I don't feel quite as negative about growing up, I sure do relate strongly to your post. Wish all the R13 could get together. But not for a loner's convention but to learn to trust more.
R35 here, I consider myself a loner and an introvert--I'm the type who goes on a weekend outing with friends and by Sunday, I can't wait to get away from them. I just get sensory overload if I'm around people too much. Having said that, judging from some of the posts here, I'm not on the extreme spectrum. I participate in a weekly pub quiz with so I do get some socialization on a regular basis. And I don't have a lot of friends but do go out for meals and stuff here and there on average a couple times a month. But at the end of the day, the friends have their own lives, careers, partners and children to think about. And I'm on the outside looking in. I wish there was someone there for me. Then again, I think back to the failed romances...maybe this ain't so bad after all.
I've been unemployed the last 6 months and it's shocking how easy it's been to become a hermit--other than the pub quiz nights and a meal here and there with friends. I want to go back to work just so I'll be forced to interact with society again. This can't be healthy...
Cats are friends too, OP.
I think it does get more difficult for people who aren't that outgoing to begin with to find friends after the college and early post-college years, particularly if you are single and don't have kids to raise (my married friends say they meet their friends often through their kids) or don't feel all that comfortable in the bar/club scene. Friends from work are okay for some people--for others, it becomes just an extension of bitching about the workplace or feels unsafe (never know when someone will develop a grudge and repeat something you said). My partner and I don't socialize much with other people and most of the people I feel closest to live scattered across the country. My partner is twenty years older than I (I'm 55), so this does start to weigh on my mind. I suppose if anything were to happen to him, I'd sit out the 5 years I have left before I can realistically retire and then move back to the big city where I grew up and where I still have friends and familiarity (I know live in a small college town).
And I have two cats, just to make the stereotype complete.
I just have one friend that I occasionally talk to on the phone (lives in another city). Family members were/are abusive and they live in other cities. I try to avoid them, but they intrude on my life at times because I am the nice one and they seek to use and abuse me and expect me to be the sane and responsible one.
I think as a kid, and as an adult I have always felt separate from other people because of my childhood experiences and because I am aware - self-aware, aware of what people are like, society, etc.
I lived in four different cities (one kind of a town). The two that were more cosmopolitan, sophisticated and culture-filled were the best. As mentioned upthread, there is always something you can do in them, and always a bit of hope. Not in the smaller or more boring cities - you're more alientated there - and that is what makes a person lonely.
I don't really want any unsastifying relationships - superficial ones, or hanging out with work people with whom I have nothing in common. I have done that - and that is ultimately depressing. Tons of alcohol is needed in these interactions because I am basically bored/alienated. I feel I have wasted enough time doing that. What human interaction I do long for is a deep, genuine one. I'd be nice to move to one of the great cities again and get that with someone.
r4: yes and yes.
Maybe most people, who like being alone are just highly sensitive.
A HSP is quickly overwhelmed and usually needs and wants to be alone.
They have rich inner lifes and don't need many people in it, to be happy.
You misspelled LONER
I'm sure you meant loSer
People seem to go out of their way to avoid me.
I take advantage of the holidays to clean my apartment. Can't waste time worrying about why everyone else go to Thanksgiving dinners or Christmas parties.
I definitely think Facebook etc has increased loneliness. You used to be forced to leave your house for some human contact, now it seems people are more likely to be checking in on their pal from second grade than making an effort to meet new people.
It was also much easier to meet and talk to people before smartphones became ubiquitous and it was not socially acceptable to have someone have their head down checking and responding to messages during a conversation. And no, I don't mean this only happens to me, people are doing this all day long to everyone. It seems people barely make conversation these days face to face. It seems so rude to see people at parties checking in on everyone except who is there.
The older I got, I realized most people are just pains in the asses. Myself included. I have a few friends I can count on one hand. But they are people I genuinely like. That's enough for me.
totally agree with the attention to phones and not other people's faces, in fact, called a co-worker on it the other day saying she doesn't make eye contact when I'm conversing with her, instead looks at computer. She responded "But I'm working!" and I said "Well, take a break!"
Love that R82 is pissed that his co-worker does her job instead of idly chatting away with him. "Take a break" indeed. I'm sure R82 is on break all day.
Don't tell the boss, but r82 is posting from work.
I only realize I'm alone when I read threads like this. I think of being by myself as the norm. I've never been comfortable in groups and when I have tried, I've received negative comments. Some of us were meant to be alone. I'm only lonely when I want to be lonely. It's just another feeling to used and enjoyed by the living.
What kind of negative comments, R85?
[quote] Some of us were meant to be alone
I know this is true for me. Although I get a little depressed about not having anyone in my life like "normal" people do, the thought of trying to meet people and get out there is too overwhelming since it has never worked out for me. People sense when you're nervous, scared and uncomfortable and then they don't want to be around you. I'd rather just keep to myself.
I believe the only people who pay $18 to post here are people with no friends.
I smoke cigarettes.
(but not in my apartment!!)
Do you have social anxiety, R87? I talk to and would be friends with all types of people, I don't judge people based on superficial things. All that matters is that you're a good person. I was always taught that the person you judge or dismiss could have ended up being your biggest ally or closest friend. I've had idiots ask me why I'm friends with certain people, but they weren't important enough to matter. I just wanted to say this to let some of you know that everyone isn't going judge you, laugh at you or treat you badly.
I'm loner with no friends. My correspondence only attracts people in the adult entertainment profession and they simply have something to sell me.
I'm mostly a loner. Parents are gone, rest of family is across the country. Uprooted my self 10 years ago for a better job and have had a hard time making new friends in my new city.
I think I'm mostly happy, or used to it. Although I've become too independent, so it's hard for me to think of myself as part of a couple. The upside is that I have gotten bit by the travel bug and now I live to jump on a plane and go someplace in the world I've never been. I do this alone and love it, but always go out at night when I travel to bars to meet people. (And maybe fuck them)
Although in my bad moments I feel like I'm trapped in a Bonnie Tyler video
So many sane people on this thread. The fucked up world is based on normality.
I've been a loner ever since my oldest friend told me to get lost because he thought I was too needy. Found out that he died two years ago from lung cancer so there will be no closure for these strange past events. We were only friends, not a couple, but still 40+ years was long time. I guess he learned his lesson. He didn't have die that way in Iowa of all places.
R90, yes I'm pretty certain that I have social anxiety - I avoid social situations at all costs because of bad past experiences throughout my life.
You sound like an exceptional person, I wish there were more people out there who were as kind as you sound.
Who on DL [italic]isn't[/italic] a loner with no friends.
I'm never alone, because I have Mr. Dick. I talk to him and tell him all my problems. Sometimes I strangle him, but in a fun kind of way. He never dies, though; he comes back for more quite soon after. I love Mr. Dick. He is my friend.
I'm around dozens of people at work 40 hours a week. Why woulod I want to socialize with them adfter work? I like being home alone. I have a couople of friends who I go out with a couple of times a month. That's enough for me.
R98, if you have a couple of friends with whom you go out a couple times per month, then you have no idea what it is like to be a loner with no friends.
The topic of this thread is 'who is a loner with no friends'. Anyone who has a couple of friends with whom they socialize several times per month does cannot call themselves 'a loner with no friends'.
Why did you feel compelled to post? Just because you live alone and do not socialize with co-workers?
R98, has the loneliness got you talking to yourself again?
Try Meetup.com. A lot of people in similar situations. The groups are large and varied for the most part.
Humans are social creatures. People who don't have friends are maladjusted psychologically. You need to get help and fast.
R92 marry me
I am that loner, the loner with absolutely no friends. The last time I had any friends was in elementary school. It was an easier time having friends back then, a time where people who consider you as a friend if you play with them at recess. Now here I am, as lonely as ever. Not only I have no friends, but I don't really have a life either, no interesting hobbies or interests. All I do is just sit in front of a laptop screen all day while everyone else is having fun.
Lesbian loner here. I have no friends. I've never been a social butterfly, but up until just after college ended, I always had a few close friends.
Growing up as a queer farm boy with an older brother and younger sister I was always apart from everyone. I learned to amuse myself early on and that has served me well throughout my life.
I embrace and cherish by solitude. I get out just enough to maintain a foothold in your world.
i remember when I was young (mid 20s) and tried to start a suburban gay/lesbian potluck group, with another fun young queer friend who lived in town. OMG the number of socially inept recluses who came spilling out to attend. It's like, since they had no friends and no relationship, all they had was this occasional structured event where the deal was that other people would be friendly or at least neutral. It eventually killed the group because the socially normal people wouldn't come back a 2nd time.
I learned after a while that there was a network of therapists with GLBT clients, and they were sending all the messed up loners to our monthly potluck!