Please critique my menu for the week -- I just moved in with a new beau and I want to impress!

Tonight: Grilled margherita pizza, quinoa salad, ruby-red punch Tomorrow: Salmon salad with feta and olives, tomatillo gazpacho Wednesday: Smoked carrot mousse with pimento-paprika sauce, whore's pasta (puttanesca) with whole grain rotini, garlic bread, red wine Thursday: Smoky salsa, mushroom enchiladas, guacamole, agua fresca w/lemons, chocolate mousse pie Friday: Dinner out -- contemplating making a reservation at either (a) John Dory or (b) Marea

OP you're an idiot.
Sounds wonderful- however he's going to be fat soon if you keep feeding him this way , you future chubby chaser
Val%20Kilmer
Looks good.
Anonymous
Someone has been reading Ladies Home Journal on their Mom's toilet again.
R1 and R4 are just jealous. I would be ecstatic if someone planned and made those meals for me.
Very nice, OP.
Anyone who tried to serve me mushrooms in anything would never get another date.
Manage expectations. 1)When is take-out night? and 2) When is he going to get off his lazy ass and cook for you?
Been there, done that, and had to retrain him....
Looks like you guys do eat fish but not meat or fowl, which is what I do, too. You sound like a wonderful cook, OP, & he's a lucky man -- but if it doesn't work out, you'd be welcome to come live with me! Meanwhile, I'd love your recipe for mushroom enchiladas.
3/10 for good spelling.
OP. Total bottom.
I wonder if your new beau will notice the menu once he moves in: Sunday - Chinese takeout Monday - leftover Chinese takeout Tuesday - Rice, fortune cookie, and duck sauce packets Wednesday - Domino's pizza Thursday - Leftover pizza Friday - leftover pizza Saturday - Ramen noodles
Um, a new beau? Aunt Pittypat will not approve of such goings on.
Having%20the%20vapors%20as%20I%20type.
Looks dee-LISH, OP. Though I hope it's not overkill. I trust you know he's a foodie. Ignore those body fascists who're worrying about weight gain. ONE warnbing, though: absolutely NO CILANTRO in any dish. He could be like me -- and countless others including Julia Child -- who believe it to be the devil's weed. I'd move out -- or throw YOU out -- the 2nd time you included it.
Slightly jealous of your new beau
you sound EXHAUSTING, op. don't unpack too quickly.
Saturday: A cleansing enema. Sunday: OP weeps as his beloved moves out.
He's going to think he's married Macaroni Grill!
OP, you may be establishing a pattern that won't hold up. I'd be a bit less ambitious to avoid the bf's disappointment later.
Too, too much Op. You look desperate cooking all that junk.
In six-months you will be asking DLers where to find the better day old tuna sandwiches... Qwikimart, QwickCheck or Wawas. Personally, I like 7-11's.
This reads like a desperate, clingy bottom's grasping attempt to be the littlest haus frau. I'm sure there'll be a martini and slippers waiting at the door.
Betty%20Draper
So what's wrong with that, R21? It's always been a good deal for the husband &, if Betty enjoys the role (as OP seems to do so far), then everyone's happy.
I'd like some carrot mousse. Recipe, please.
I agree with some of the other posters. It all SCREAMS "trying too hard" and Ladies Home Journal. He's bound to get a little spooked imho, no matter how good the food is. Keep it simple and fun and a little more, well, butch. The first couple weeks, the two of you should feel like naughty-fun boys moving in together, not spinster librarians cooking a special meal before the "Keeping Up Appearances" marathon on PBS.
Here's the deal, OP. If he is a real man, none of this family meal bullshit matters. None at all. you sound like a fish. Where they make their mistake is they think if they build a perfect home and cook and have children they will keep their man. Real men don't give two shits about all that. Frankly, they just sort of indulge it and let it happen cause it keeps the fish happy and they are more likely to get pussy if she is happy, so they go along with it. Most men would be just as happy with pizza, a toy to play with like a remote control or computer for a few hours and a FUCKIN FREAK IN BED ALL NIGHT. If you wanna keep your man, then do something that will make him think the whole next day "wonder if he will do that thing again tonight." And that doesn't mean some crap ass dinner of mushroom enchiladas or whatever your fishy narcissistic ass dreamed up.
A-FUCKING-MEN R25! Give me a pizza and 5 hours of freaky bed-time action instead of carrot mousse. Marry me you stud. And, you made me LOL R24!
Be sure to wear your best heels and pearls while preparing your meals.
June%20Cleaver
Quinoa is disgusting.
Agree with everyone else, and I'm a frau. This is way OTT and you can't keep it going long term. Who has the time? Do one or two of these lovely meals per week. The rest of the nights should be take out, left overs and quick throw together meals. Also, ITA with R24, you should have other things on your mind besides cooking in a new relationship.
What is wrong with occasional beef steaks, Pork chops, fried chicken, steamed fish, raw fish(sushi). These are easier to prepare more time for you to cuddle.
LOL @ R12! So TRUE!!!
Carrot mousse... smoked? WTF?
Quinoa with pizza, bad choice. Too carb heavy. Whole grain pasta sucks and serving it WITH bread is another double dose of carbs.
totally agree with r33. And how the fuck do you grill a pizza? Pizza needs to be baked. Order a pizza and make a simple green salad. WTF is a smoked carrot mousse? And the next night you're having something else smoked? I personally hate going out on Fridays and Saturdays because restaurants are too crowded. Much rather go out during the week and cook on the weekend.
When calling someone an "idiot," try not to look like one yourself, R1.
[quote]I agree with some of the other posters. It all SCREAMS "trying too hard" I agree, r24. I would run from someone like this.
OP, get over yourself, hon.
stepford husband?
OP = Bossy Bottom
I wouldn't mind having someone cook like this for me but I could never date them or live with them. I can just hear him screaming the first time he sees me drinking straight from the milk container.
Dream worlds are so fucking cool aren't they?
S. Freud, Vienna
(R12) That is so fucking funny...and probably true. The initial meal will be gourmet cause the guy's unemployment or disability check came in but after that's all spent......Top Ramen every night....
anonymous
OP: it gets only a 3/10 on the fussiness scale, but an 8/10 on the pansy-prissypants scale.
Why dessert only on Wednesday? Why no special beverage on Tuesday?
GRILLED pizza??? Seriously? Smoked carrot mousse! Please! The new beau won't be able to take the pretentiousness and you will be gone in a month.
OK this is the carrot mousse recipe. Grilled pizza is really delicious and it tastes fantastic -- it is one very authentic way to make pizza!! Thank you for your critiques -- agree with quinoa plus pizza, too carb-heavy and it does put on pounds. I'll go with a green salad instead!!
http://www.food.com/recipe/carrot-mousse-35061
[quote]OP. Total bottom It's the inclusion of quinoa in the original menu that gives him away.
I can see OP screaming at his boyfriend because he doesn't show enough appreciation for these fussy meals.
But I make them because I love you!!!!!
I'm a total bottom and even I feel bad for your rampant effeminacy.
You do realise that you're simply fast-forwarding to where you have perfunctory sex OP? Aside from that, you're worrying about food that will put on the pounds. Don't- get him overweight enough so that you can feel safe in the knowledge that he'll never get a look from someone else and will never leave. Stir in some extra fat after you've served up your own portion for added results.
Clingy bottoms are the worst and I do mean the....[italic] worst. [/italic]
Almost forgot to mention brunch on Sunday: Smoked salmon and scallion creme cheese omelets, brioche with feta butter, and hash browns. Mimosas too!! Fresh fruit on the side (melons, strawberries, blueberries if avail at Farmer's Market).
How old are you and your partner, OP? Are the meals you want to prepare the same sort of meals he'd order in a restaurant? Or would he order something with meat and potatoes?
We're both gourmands but he doesn't have much time to cook. We're both 28 (I am six months older). Basically I love to cook food for people I love. Is that strange? I'll slave over recipes for hours, finding just the right one, then I'll spend the day in the kitchen making a magical meal.
Please post your heights and weights next.
Feta butter? What fresh hell is this, seriously?
[quote]Basically I love to cook food for people I love. You can live on each others cum for days.
I'll be needing your address and what time did you say dinner was?
The use of the words "feta butter" now lead me to believe the OP has created an EST to generate outrage and disgust at his imaginings ....
It's a bit much, but if you can handle that kind of menu and love to cook, go for it. I like to cook too, but I don't think I could handle making such elaborate meals back to back. Do you work?
OP, your menu sounds great. If I were your boyfriend and saw your post, I'd probably throw up.
It all sounds gassy.
Please tell us what you do for a living that you have this much time on your hand to make these pretentious meals.
I'd say cook him a great meal your first night living together, but don't stretch it out for an entire week. After that, cook like you normally would on a daily basis, with special dinners thrown in here and there. Cook what he likes, assuming you like it too. Don't expect thanks after the first couple of meals, after awhile it will just be expected that you will cook dinner and it will become routine, you won't get thanks every night. Just remember, having expectations that are too high will ruin any relationship. You don't want to end up resenting him if he doesn't fawn over your cooking night after night after night.
est
MARY!
There's plenty of good food you can get out of a can.
Neurotic men who plan a whole week's menu, including side dishes and desserts are EXHAUSTING! He will find a guy into Chinese take-out the minute you run out to Whole Foods.
Hey, OP. You sound very kind, so make sure that he appreciates you. If you cook at home, then he should book (and pay 1/2 for) your meals out. Also make sure that he's paying a fair share of the cost of your grocery bills. With your menu, you seem to be a bit light on for fruit and vegetables and a bit generous with the alcohol.
The menu looks great; check out some of the recipes at "The Chew" to see if there are any quicker meals that you can put together, as well. I guess the most important questions are: Who will do the dishes? Is it his turn to cook every other week? And how long can you keep this up lol?
Loves%20guacamole
r71, what is "The Chew"?
R72: It's a show that comes on ABC; it features a couple of chefs including 'Top Chef' competitor Carla Hall and Mario Batali. I've found their recipes to be pretty good. The show is a similar format to the 'Food Network' programs, but the multiple styles of cooking give you a range from dessert to comfort food to simple recipes. The stage also features a countdown clock, that gives you a good idea as to how long it takes to actually prepare it. Also, they definitely make an effort to simplify the recipes, but I find that they generally don't dumb it down too much so their focus is on recipes that don't require a lot of money to procure ingredients for and don't take too much time. A link is provided below:
http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/the-chew/recipes
Loves%20guacamole
Smoked Carrot Mousse...? With a sauce? That sounds disgusting.
quinoa salad is delicious and margherita pizza is too, but they don't really go together, try a salad without starch.
If this guy is a NEW beau, OP, why are you moving in with him already?
What R46 said.
I can't believe it took r67 replies for someone to say it.
OP=Harriet Craig
beau? gourmands? ugghhh
anon
Update please.
OP can't update. Too busy taking care of sick boyfriend who came down with food poisoning.
OP is sobbing cuz his beau kicked his ass out for being so suffocating.
OP updated in a newer thread.
[quote] OP updated in a newer thread. Why? And where?
OP, I'm a professional chef. Your menus make no sense. Why on earth would you serve carrot mousse with the Puttanesca? Many of your ingredients conflict rather than complement each other. Train wreck. There's nothing better than a perfectly roasted chicken, fingerling potatoes, and a simple salad. Forget all the bells and whistles!
Chef
R1 making his point, supported by R4.
http://i.imgur.com/EG10t.jpg
OP is a two-towel hausbottom.
[quote] fingerling potatoes, [quote] Forget all the bells and whistles! [quote] I'm a professional chef. Oh heal thyself physician!
Url
I started a thread about this week's meals separately. So far everything has been delicious, and my carrot mousse really turned out well -- creamy and carrot-y!!
OP
So is this stuff, OP. You coulda saved a lot of time:
http://www.meijer.com/s/gerber-2nd-foods-baby-food-carrots-1-jar-4-oz/_/R-177266
Now that we've settled down and realized this is a troll thread (no gay man not living in a trailer would mix the root mousse with a pasta puttanesca, slipping in a whole wheat rotini to further abominate it, and no gay man living in a trailer would bother with such a menu in the first place), let's at least give the OP a polite applause on the backs of our hands a la Pilson for trying to catch us, and apparently succeeding until now. Let it please be noted that John Dory famously does not take reservations. Now let it go, OP.
R89, care to elaborate on your puzzling comment?
R86
[quote]no gay man not living in a trailer would mix the root mousse with a pasta puttanesca what would you suggest in place of that?
Holy SHIT, OP. I'd hate to have to use the bathroom after you!
Tell us about your newest "beau" OP.
your food pairings leave alot to be desired. Too much carbs also. your menu sounds like you're trying to impress while being frugal. btw, Why are you acting like a married woman? haha too funny. knock it off. its not attractive
anonymous
A blog. Get one.
All%20out%20of%20fucks%20to%20give
I assume this is the Galloping Gourmet. Fucking Freak
Tuesday...fettuccine Bertolli with Pepperidge Farm Texas Toast.
What is Texas Toast? I've seen it in the stores but don't know how it's any different from putting a slice of bread in a toaster.