People with borderline personality disorder who cut you out of their life suddenly after a few days previous telling

Yes, they are maddening, especially if you are sexually attracted.

After just one, you will avoid any subsequent ones, TO BE SURE!

"Fool me twice, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."

Learn that, OP.

I'd cut you out too if you were trying to diagnose why I should like you more using your Psych 101 level understanding of human behavior.

I diagnose r3 as suffering from CPD: Cuntiness Personality Disorder.

Tragically, it's terminal, I'm afraid.

R3, type "borderline personality disorder" symptoms into google.com and you will see a massive amount of information - way beyond Psych 101 and easy to understand and easily observable

Can I apply that to my mother r2. It is very hard to do so.

I think people with BPD are the same kind of vile people who start a sentence in the subject field, and continue it in the body... rather than using the subject line for its inteded purpose, and putting the full sentence in the body where it belongs.

What

Nonsense, R7.

Control freak bitch.

R8, there are right ways of doing things, and really stupidly wrong ways. OP did one of the latter.

R7,R9 is a mentally ill, emotionally unstable, deranged pathetic drip

[quote]"Fool me twice, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."

[quote]Learn that, OP.

Is this ironic?

OP? Sounds more like NPD.

They do tend to compartmentalize parts of their life. They may have had a good experience with you, but they for some reason feel that something bad had happened (or may happen). They may in fact secretly like you, but their outward behavior doesn't show it. It's like they jump to "preserve" the time they had with you by not having any more of it.

I remember reading about musician Nick Drake a while ago, and he was like that. In fact, at his funeral, many of his friends met each other for the first time, because he was a compartmentalizer, and never wanted his friends to co-mingle. It gave him a bit of a sense of control in his mind.

Yes OP, this is how someone with BPD might behave. I had a long exeperience with someone with BPD and eventually had to end our relationship/friendship because it became almost violent and of course extremely distressing to me- if not him too. Full of hot and cold contradictory behavior and a complete inablity for my friend to interpret human intentions. As far as I could tell all his relationships were distressing and ended badly.

However OP, I don't know that I would judge someone as having BPD until I knew them pretty well. Your post sounds as if you may be making this judgement after knowing someone for a short time. And it is not likely that you are going to run into a lot of people with this problem.

I bet to differ charlie. I think it is more widespread than most of the conditions we talk about here.

R14, no, I've known him for many, many years.

Not this shit again!

I have BPD and

****

I suspect my ex has BPD. During and after the break up which I initiated, his calls/text messages came in two flavors: "I hate you, you're a terrible person. I hope you die" or "You are the most wonderful man in the world and I am a fuck up who never deserved the happiness you gave me. I want to die" Things were either black or white with him, and the slightest thing would send him reeling. People that were friends suddenly became sworn enemies because of the most minor, and in some cases, imagined, reasons.

R10 = wrong on all counts, but who wouldn't expect that from someone so hell-bent on defending the indefensible and annoying.

R7, R9, R21 is a perfect obsessive-compulsive, anal retentive, dictatorial, overly critical off the wall specimen for this thread examining mental health.

Girls, girls -- you're both fuckin' nuts!

CNN has an article about Aesha, the young Afghan woman who made headlines a couple of years ago after she escaped from her Taliban husband and his family, who'd punished her for running away by cutting off her nose and ears. She has BPD and the article gives a synopsis of what that means:

[quote]Bakhchi describes Aesha as a highly intelligent young woman whose smarts don’t just show in her learning; they come through in the way she manipulates others and pushes their buttons. She hurts people before they can hurt her. She lives in “survival mode.”

[quote]Aesha’s mother died when Aesha was young. Her father gave her away to people who tortured her. Why should she trust anyone?

[quote]Beyond post-traumatic stress disorder, Bakhchi says, Aesha has borderline personality disorder. Research is mixed as to whether a stressor such as Aesha’s brutal disfigurement can trigger a personality disorder, she explains, but she believes it can. There’s also a chance, though, that her disorder existed long before the attack.

[quote]Environment and genetics are thought to predispose some people to borderline personality disorder. It is marked by instability in relationships, moods, behavior and sense of self, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Though not as well understood as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, the illness affects 2% of adults, most of them young women. Twenty percent of hospitalizations in psychiatric facilities are tied to borderline personality disorder, but with time and help many sufferers can transform their lives.

[quote]Bakhchi says the disorder is responsible for Aesha’s volatile behavior and black-and-white thinking. In Aesha’s worldview, a person in any single moment is either evil or an angel. Her moods swing impulsively. One minute she’s cuddled up on a lap, the next she’s screaming.

I had a friend with BPD... I knew her since high school and she was always melodramatic but didn't start exhibiting full blown BPD symptoms until her early 20s. I tried to be there for her but it is just very draining to stay friends with someone with that disorder: she'd call me up and talk and talk and talk literally for hours and I could not get a word in edgewise, even to say "okay, nice talking with you but I have to go now." I have never been so tempted to hang up on a person in my life but she was obviously emotionally unstable, had lost pretty much all her other friends, and would become suicidal at the drop of a hat.

It was terrible to see her unravel like that. Turns out she'd been raped by her relatives when she was little, and her parents knew about it but did not try to stop it, and she'd blocked it out but after she turned 18 and moved out of the house all that shit started to push its way back to the surface of her consciousness and she didn't know how to process it or reconcile the horrors of her early childhood with her present life.

People with BPD are extremely difficult to deal with; you have to cultivate patience and have a thick skin if you want to stand by them. They have fundamental trust issues and they don't know how to establish normal emotional boundaries, so they'll vacillate between clinging to you for dear life and then rejecting you. They require lots of therapy and time to get better: basically if they make it through their 20's [without committing suicide] they tend to stabilize by their early 30's. Unfortunately the emotional volatility and polarized thinking does persist even in the best cases, or so I've been told.

R24, thanks for your thoughtful, informative. and very interesting post.

The superintendent who works for my landlord and menages several of the building has BPD (by his own admission to one of the tenants, whom he later labeled as "enemy," and harassed to the point where she was afraid to leave her apartment if she heard his voice in the hallway). He is also a closeted gay man, who, I think, sleeps with the young Puertorican and Mexican guys he hires to do repair and cleaning work (one of the guys used to call him "Daddy"). He verbally abuses tenants for no apparent reason, either in person or by leaving screaming phone messages. It all happens without a warning; one day you are his best friend and you can't get away from him if he runs into you in the hallway, next day he calls to scream at you, because "you are an awful person, and he should have never trusted you." "I hate you!" is a perfectly normal greeting in his case.

W&W for R23. Reading this thread makes me realize that an old friend I've (purposely) lost contact with probably has this disorder. Thanks for changing my perspective.

Ha ha! The friend that introduced me to this site did this very thing to me. Just like that. Honestly, though, I saw it coming, judging by how he constantly spoke of his other friends.

And, MADONNA HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. (inside joke... don't ask)

Yes, indeed, OP. Been there. It's typical behaviour for a person with BPD.

Don't we select friends based on their positive qualities? Why would you let someone like this into your life?

If they use or abuse people, they don't deserve friends.

@@@

[quote]Hollywood is FULL of full-blown personality disorders!

Of course NPD is the most common, and is probably a great career asset, but I'm sure that Borderline and Histrionic are common as well.

I'm nuts about a guy right now and he knows it and he appears to be okay still being pals.

I accidentally (I swear!) butt dialed him, and I hung up right away when I saw it ringing.

He called back a few hours later; hey what's up?

I told him it was an accident, but then he talked me through a real shitty family situation I was going through. (So fucking nice! Sigh.)

But it's driving me nuts. I love the guy and appreciate the friendship, but I'll always want more. And I can't have it.

I am thinking about avoiding him in the future. Not because I want to, but I feel I have to.

Don't take it personally . Pray for them

Does anyone in this thread need me? Just checking.

I’ve experienced this from people who cut me off, then invite me back, then cut me off, then invite ne back, and on. I ultimately end the friendship or relationship.

Oh my R34.

Troll block is awesome .

r24, they are introverted NPD... Stay away and pray!

AND OR AUTISM ....

It's so weird... it's as if they have BPD or something!

Yes, I lived in this for many years with a family member. It fits like a glove. Talking my ear off for hours and hours about her problems--venting obsessively and repetitively. Self absorbed and expecting undivided attention day or night, yet unable to give any support in return. Little interest in the lives of others except as a comparison to herself. Vain and jealous of others success and happiness. Raging at any small slight. Endless need for validation--like a bucket with a hole in the bottom.. No self awareness re. how they treat others or how much of a drain they are.

BPD's are emotional vampires. It's exhausting. They take and take and take, but give very little in return. Then they spit on you and cut you off after you've been their best friend, therapist, advisor, counselor, and 24/7 ATM machine for decades. I thought I was helping by coddling her. I wasn't. I was just enabling the crazy. Hope she's getting professional help.

One of my friends had this happen to him. He met a guy who was smart and handsome - and they seemed to click. The other guy was pretty keen and appeared devoted to my friend. After a few months, Christmas rolled around and the guy made lots of plans for himself and my friend to each go to the other’s parents places, see friends and spend as much time as possible together - and during this time declared just how much he loved my friend.

Then the guy dumped my friend during the day of New Year’s Eve.

Said it wasn’t working form him now. All over. My friend hadn’t seen him since.

It took my buddy a while to get over it. More just the incredible craziness of it than anything. It really was nuts.

I’d be thrilled if a borderline cut me out of their life. I had to end things with one and her behavior afterwards was disturbing. Thankfully I had moved so she couldn’t find me. The most toxic person I’ve ever known.

You can't help it, you know? Just the idea of being abandoned make you want to die.... Literally. Believe, nobody want to feel that way. That's why you can't "afford" give yourself to anyone, because you're so dependent emocionally, in a way is like the other has so much power over you. Your self perception is so deplorable, is better see yourself through the eyes of others. Thats why you have to be very careful. If you see evidence or even signs that make you doubt of someone, something change inside, you feel disappointed and that person fall from the pedestal you put it on. Is just a defense you have. You are just protecting yourself. I read somewhere that BDP are like emocionally burned patient. If you are in pain is hard to see the others. Its not just because your selfish. It seems like BDP are just bad people with terrible actitud, but they are just trying to handle the caos and the void inside. Sound over dramatic but thats how it feels. Yeah, sucks

^^ Terrible English, but great points about having some compassion and understanding for BPDs....if you can. It's not easy.

My boyfriend was with a guy with BPD before me, and finally cut the cord not too long before dating me. I also had a situation with a guy who uh... at least displayed similar issues, whatever, it was at least close enough.

I tend to think part of why we bonded so well is that we both, consciously or subconsciously, wanted none of this nonsense in our lives. Didn't take til our 30s-40s to learn that lesson.

Too bad my boyfriend lost up to thousands(?) of dollars in the process (the flakey BPD tendency). Then again, I still owe him over $1k for years :P (but I ALWAYS pay back, so its no issue). Maybe he finally got paid back when they reconnected (platonically, at distance), I dunno.

I've cut people out of my life - and to them, it probably seems to be out of the blue.

For much of my life, I've been accused of having a "short fuse" and flying off the handle at small infractions. What people seldom realize with me although I've told them many times, both directly and indirectly, is that I have a very long fuse, but will eventually will snap with the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

My sister once told me I was getting upset over nothing. After which I pointed out to her that not only was this incident not the first time, but I enumerated a handful of similar more recent times she had done the exact same thing AND also reminded her each time that I had told her that it bothered me and that I didn't appreciate it.

I don't keep some kind of book of grievances. However, because I don't throw a huge hissy, people ignore, forget, or simply assume it's not big deal. Well, guess what. Sometimes, enough is enough.

All of that to say this - OP, you sound like a lot of work and I'm sure that if you had an ounce of self-introspection or self-awareness, you know exactly why these people cut you off. Because honey, it sounds like this happens a lot to you.

R43’s friend sounds like he was a prop in the BF’s Winter Invitational Proof Of Prosperity for the Sake of His Parents Spectacular!

There’s a push right now promoting the idea that BPD etc. people “deserve love too!!1”. I just feel for the gullible young saps who are going to get chewed up and spat out. Even with one of the less overtly evil ones, it’s always and inevitably going to be about *them*, and never for a moment you.

This sounds like my NPD ex boyfriend —-saying we would end up living together (it was long distance) and that he liked me so much more than others and was going to send me a ticket to go to Europe with him, etc. one night he calls while I was traveling and I said I was going to watch Dateline on TV and had to go. He then ghosted me...I think this hit his primary narcissistic wound or something like how dare you prefer TV to me.

He hung up on me when I said it too

We don't have neough recent threads about personality dsorders, you have to bump ones that are 6 years od?

[quote]All of that to say this - OP, you sound like a lot of work and I'm sure that if you had an ounce of self-introspection or self-awareness, you know exactly why these people cut you off. Because honey, it sounds like this happens a lot to you.

Interesting that a BPD (R48) presumes to lecture a BP victim on "self awareness" and empathy when BPDs themselves have none of these qualities. R48 ,"honey", cutting people off is exactly what BPDs do after they've sucked every last ounce of blood they can from their victims and stomped on the withered corpse.

[quote]Sometimes, enough is enough

Another common accusation that is classic BPD---on a dime they decide they've "had enough" of YOU when you're the one who has been coddling, placating and enabling their tantrums and rants, their selfishness and navel gazing, their complete lack of interest or concern for anything but their own drama, their soul sucking neediness....... for years. It's really hard not to laugh at that one.

Some of this stuff reeks of low self-esteem and paranoia.

These creatures are merely swine.