How old age you, when did you get infected. And was the infection accidental or deliberate?
Please say no
[quote] And was the infection accidental or deliberate?
Republican trolls are out in force today.
Being POZ and a teen or under 30 would be devastating.
OP, fuck off and die.
I'm 39 now but became Poz when I was twenty. My first real boyfriend in university infected me.
That is terrible R7 He lied to you didn't he?
He didn't really lie but more didn't disclose it. I should've been smarter and protected myself. I was young and honestly HIV wasn't much on my radar. I shoud have known better:(
R9 But that is so irresponsible to not even tell you, and infect you that way.
You must have been so angry at him.
OP/R8/R10 - shit stirring freeper troll
Angry yes and a million other negative feelings. I didnt find out I was positive until three years later when I had a shingles outbreak. By that time we had broken up and i had completely lost touch with him. I searched everywhere for him (this was way before internet etc.) and he completely vanished. The only thing I ever heard was that he had moved to the US (im from Toronto). To this day ive never seen/found him and have never been able to confront him. Perhaps he's even dead.
Well I'm very sorry R12 My thoughts are with you, and wish you nothing but good health.
Awww thanks R13 I appreciate that. It's not something I hear often.
Not for nothing but when r7, r9 was in "university" approximately 20 years ago, HIV/AIDS was on everyone's radar. By 1990 the fear was everywhere.
We are all personally responsible for our actions. I can't imagine having unsafe sex with anyone unless we were in a committed relationship and even then, you have to be careful. I am in no way excusing the fucking asshole who didn't tell a partner but if someone is willing to bareback, you should assume they are positive.
Why does someone act all holier than thou (looking at you R16, R15 on the internet. It's such an unattractive quality. Truly evil, you church pew polishing twats. My friend was infected recently by her boyfriend and I can't believe what pieces of shit people are being. People who are lucky they haven't gotten it (b/c they weren't any more careful than her) or nobody would fuck them anyway.
I've had sex with dozens of guys in the last 20 years, none of whom ever told me they were HIV+. I'm sure a bunch of them were, so yeah, men lie, especially if it means getting laid.
More well wishes to r12. Thank you for sharing your story. We've all made bad choices, especially in our youth. I really hope you're well and living well too.
R7 - thanks for sharing. Wishing you good health and many, many more years.
It's important that we all educate the younger people coming up in a time where promiscuity is painted as normal.
Please know who you are sleeping with and protect yourself. Living with HIV is not easy - even with all the medication that is out there. I cannot begin to tell you how many ways it rears It's ugly head time and time again throughout your life after being diagnosed.
Seriously... Compassion for everyone going through this.
R17 - this is R16 - I am not being holier than though at all, just realistic.- I have lost many friends to Aids and my partner of 16 years is HIV positive. I am truly sorry for anyone who becomes infected - Yes drugs work but there is a high cost to pay financially and health wise. My point is just that you can't trust anyone but yourself. My heart goes out to your friend.
I wish everyone who is infected a long, healthy life. And I hope they soon find a way to eradicate this vicious disease.
R7/R9! With all due respect, I can't for the life of me understand how HIV wasn't even "on your radar". I was a freshman in the early 80s. I desperately wanted to have sex with just about any decent guy who would have me, but I was deathly afraid of the "gay plague" that I was hearing about that people didn't understand, but appeared to cause weird cancer to occur in gay men. This fear basically delayed my coming out for a good 5 years. Yes, I was overly paranoid. Which makes it hard for me to understand how anyone could fail to notice a potentially fatal disease in their midst. I guess I'm just the exact opposite end of the spectrum from R7/R9. I'm trying not to judge, but it is hard for me.
I was in an abusive relationship for 6 months with someone who was HIV+ and he lied directly to me when I asked him his status. Yeah, I was stupid and yeah I should have known better; he never appeared to be sick, I never saw him take any meds, and maybe I knew but decided to ignore it. We fucked raw constantly - me always as the top, and him always taking my loads. It was the hottest sex I've ever had. However, he was mentally unstable and turned out to be a sociopath who lied about everything to me. I broke it off and never saw him again, although he tried to get me back into his life for months afterward. I remember the first time we got back in touch after I had ended things he asked me if I was still HIV-; maybe that should have been my biggest clue. I tried finding him a few years later, just out of curiosity. Turns out he contracted AIDS and died in a hospice less than 2 years after we have last seen each other. He always thought he had infected me and never knew the truth. I remain HIV- to this day (I haven't barebacked since him - over 10 years ago). I honestly have no idea why or how he didn't infect me.
I don't think i shouldve used the term HIV wasn't "on my radar" because of course it was. It was everywhere and i was thoroughly educated. I'll try to explain. At the age of 20 I didnt really think in a million years I would ever become infected. My bf was only two years older and naively i never thought he'd be positive let alone pass it on to me. Of course I realise i shouldve known better. Obviously the biggest mistake of my life. Who didnt make mistakes and bad decisions at twenty? Im in no way am i trying to minimize my stupidity at the time but obviously i really fucked up. It didnt seem like something that could happen to me. I was wrong.
I'm 28.. Healthy, undetectable HIV poz.. Found out 3 years ago. Was in a 2 year long relationship with someone who cheated on me and brought it into the picture. I thought it was a committed relationship.. But was wrong. But I take responsibility for my own actions. It sucks, but it kind of changed my life for the good. I live my life to the fullest now. Happy and in a great relationship now.
Thank-you for clarifying, R25 / OP. The early '90s were a time when a whole generation of gay males died. Not that it is better today, but it WAS the news of gay life back then.
I'm sure I will be attacked and analyzed for saying this...but, I also was "aware" of HIV and the implications of the disease. However, unfortunately, I was young and thought THAT only happened to people that were having sex with one night stands, tricks and other risky partners. I never imagined that having sex with my boyfriend that I met at the gym with a perfectly chiseled body, beautiful skin, teeth and from a good family would infect me with this terrible disease.
Yes, I learned quick and that ignorance cost me my health and well being. I'm reminded of that each and every day I look in the mirror and see what this disease is doing to my appearance not to mention the damage the medications are doing to my organs on the inside.
What disgusts me most of all, is how so many people in this community find it so easy to pass judgement and make snarky comments towards other gays and people that may be living with and reminded of a poor choice they have made in the past. Instead of looking down from your pedestals - it would be nice every once and awhile to be supported and recognized for the difficulty each of us face in our day to day lives - and the dignity we all are trying to have while coping with this. Rarely do I see anyone with HIV placing blame on anyone other than the one person that was responsible for them being infected with it...themselves.
I think it's possible the OP is not a troll even though he asked if anyone here intentionally got HIV+. There is a small, apparently fatalistic population of gay men, dubbed "bug chasers," who fetishize HIV/AIDs and try to contract it. It has been theorized that their desire to be infected stems from profound fear of HIV: by romanticizing the virus and deliberately becoming infected they are attempting to face/conquer their fear. They also tend to be young guys who are fatalistic, feel they'll probably get infected eventually anyway, and want to "get it over with" as soon as possible. It's demented, irrational and an ignorant thing to do but there you have it.
Personally, I used condoms every time, get tested two or three times a year, and routinely request that my partners be tested as well.
R28 People are judgmental because, with all due respect, the overwhelming majority of people who catch HIV do so because they were careless whores, not due to a lying partner.
R30 - I completely understand that. However, even whores have regret.
Being part of a community that is consistently judged and looked down on by others - I would have hoped we would be just a little more compassionate to each other.
eat shit @ r30. id rather hang out w an hiv+ 'careless whore' any day than suffer one moment w you which i just did. You are callous and cold.
R31 - do whores have regret ONCE they get HIV? If they don't contract it, they just keep going. And you can be a whore and be completely safe.
I know many HIV+ people and I do feel for them - including someone who got it from their partner.
However, it's disgusting how much barebacking and all sort of risky sex behavior has come back in the last 10 years. Those of us who are concerned about this behavior and condemn it then become labeled "sex negative".
Completely irresponsible behavior is VERY hard to maintain compassion for.
R33 - I guess my point was that it seems shallow to me to judge someone on the circumstances that led them to become infected.
Seems like the more responsible approach would be to support each other and focus the energy on the youth so that we all feel comfortable to get in front of these kids and tell our stories. They should be aware that the disease can come in many different disguises - from the 4th guy in line that is fucking you bareback at the sex club, to the college graduate with the impressive body that you have been dating for two years that happened to trick with a stranger last night and not tell you.
There is no excuse for ANYBODY to get this shit anymore. USE A FUCKING CONDOM.
I have zero sympathy for anybody who is newly seroconverted (and by newly, I mean in the past TWENTY FUCKING YEARS). How many fucking "Walks" and "Marches" and fundraisers and "spreading awareness" fucking shits do we need? It's not rocket science...USE A RUBBER.
People are fucking retarded.
If you knew your partner were HIV+, would you trust your life to that condom?
R29 is right that such a subculture exists.
I'm a straight, white male who caught HERPES in 1985, at age eighteen. At the time that was still the "scarlett letter" for straights, but I remember thinking "At least it's not AIDS." My one-night stand, a female acquaintance I had met in a bar, simply lied, then said "I'm a little sore down there" during sex.
Not only did I take responsibility for this, I would often stop short of intercourse, or notify my partners (since a few years after that). At first, my view was that it was my responsibility not to infect them, not necessarily to tell them, but then I decided to notify them because otherwise I'd have to abstain in ways that could have her thinking I wasn't into the relationship.
Surprisingly, most women don't really care, about half the population now has herpes, and I practice good hygiene with condoms. The odds of transmission of herpes is about 1 in 10,000 for one encounter. Herpes does, however, make HIV easily transmissible, so IU have to check keven more carefully now.
Really, catching HIV is like being hit by a car in taffic. Most of us take chances without consequences, but sometimes we get nailed. I met Arthur Ashe through business when he was infected, but before he died, and he got it via a transfusion.
AIDS (formerly GRID) was one of many "monkey viruses" in Africa that hopped on an airplane one day. It hit Haiti, then landed in the US around 1969. The guy who spread it at first just happened to be a gay flight attendant; had he been straight, it would have been the "breeders' plague" or whatever.
Sexual irresponsibility is definitely a problem, but no one deserves this plague. I've lost more friends to it than most straights (used to hang in Washington Square Park), and it's just terrible. Even with the meds now, I know it's no picnic.
I do have one conspiracy theory, however: I am not convinced Magic Johnson was ever infected. Maybe he was maybe not, and I know Greg Lougains was, so I guess it's possible, but what better face to put on it than Magic?
[quote]The odds of transmission of herpes is about 1 in 10,000 for one encounter.
Uhhhh, then how come 1 out of 2 people has it then (according to you)?
r35 what are you talking about? You think people only contract HIV because they are not using condoms?
read r29's post as 'hopefully you are hung and living well.'
I know tons of guys in their 20s, and early 30s who are POZ. They simply weren't overly concerned with safe sex, were sloppy drunks and usually occasional meth users because "That's what I thought was part of really being gay!" They were all shocked and devastated to learn they had sero-converted! I have a tiny bit of empathy, but mostly just shock and rage.
Not one of the loud AIDS organizations, or what's left of ACT-UP ever mentions "prevention"! They all call it "judgmental", so it's a dirty word....while thousands become infected. Oh well, it's not me at least. I'm learning to only pretend to care what happens to the "determined to be ignorant" crowd.
[quote]Not one of the loud AIDS organizations, or what's left of ACT-UP ever mentions "prevention"! They all call it "judgmental", so it's a dirty word.
You can say that again! It's all about being warmly "supportive". So no literature ANYWHERE, including govt sponsored literature, ever discusses the hell of daily chemotherapy, what it can feel like, and its consequences. That would be a marketing 'turn off' so the spin would have it.
At least three men have deliberately tried to infect me over the years. If you're weak enough to allow yourself become infected, it's likely you're weak enough to wish it on another, or not care too much if they get it also. And people need to be aware of that reality.
"Undetectable" is the new HIV-
Because people don't use condoms, and don't practice good hygiene. They did a study in fact.
For one year, couples who used "best practices" had three infections from almost 200 couples. With those who didn't, it was something like 40 out of 120.
Assuming 200 encounters a year, three in 200 after a year translates into about 1 in 10,000.
[quote]At least three men have deliberately tried to infect me over the years.
Despicable. R42, can you explain the hows and whys of this? Not trolling, just curious about the circumstances.
This is why they hate us.
I know lots of 'mos that say, "I'll get it sooner or later" and they specifically seek out the AIDS boys to get infected.
They're all like, "If only," and you're like "really" and they're all like "totally" and you're like "as if," and they're like "show you."
And then they whip out their purple blotches and AIDS humps and you are like "Dude!" And they're like "See."
It's really so very
I honestly think that people who are poz and describe themselves as "healthy" and "undetectable" are doing themselves and others a great disservice. It's a form of deflection that is intended to downplay the seriousness of having HIV. No, they are not healthy, and the positive results of their HIV tests indicate that the virus is detectable, so they should just be honest. People with HIV are not monsters who should be shunned; however, they have a responsibility to be honest about their disease.
It's also unfortunate that accountability isn't in their vernacular either. A cheating partner is always to blame...never their own infidelity or drug use.
There actually is a CURE for HIV, but no one would ever implement it.
Too radical, but it would work, if implemented properly, with a level of global cooperation that would never come to pass.
I do not endorse this, of course, but the fact is that if we, as a planet, wanted to be rid of HIV, it could be accomplished in less than a generation.
All I remember about the '80s was hearing that Reagan didn't do enough about making people aware of AIDS.
He did not.
But Newsweek magazine did.
In '83, I was in college, in my sexual peak, and was dying to have sex.
I saw the Newsweek cover (link below) and put off sex, put off coming out...it was the era in which I came of age.
Also, as a culture we allow terms like "condom fatigue" (oh my, I'm just so fatigued I can't put on a condom anymore) -- and we make fun of fibromyalgia?
Anyone who even implies that there might be life-altering, permanent consequences is a wet blanket who isn't being "sex positive".
In the Manhunt - Adam4Adam - Grindr world, bareback sex is the new gay handshake. It's beyond commonplace for younger guys (born after the real AIDS years of terror) and older guys 40s plus (who remember pre-AIDS).
As long as we celebrate the culture of going out and getting messed up and having lots of random sex, gay guys are going to do it so they're not left out. So they feel like they're at the party.
Out of curiosity, how many of you brush and floss your teeth three times a day, every day?
That's definitely true, and also relates to anti-gay bias in general. When gays say they want "equality" with straights, they often take that to mean the sluttiest straights.
"Undetectable" is the new HIV-"
So is 'just not getting tested'. They figure a blood test will eventually detect it, then they'll just start taking the miracle drugs. No big whoop.
Tomorrow will be my 22 year HIV+ anniversary. I was 27 and in a relationship, although before that I of course had 1 night stands. I don't know if I got it form the 1 nighters or the BF.I am guessing the BF because I had - tests prior to him. Regardless, it was my fault because I was stupid and in love, and didn't use condoms.
When I told him, he dumped me. I moved to another state and have not seen him since. He did track my parents down, and called them. My mom gave me the message that he was looking for me. He told her he would call back, didn't leave a number, and I never heard from him again.
"averaging 200 encounters a year" ???
that's 200 encounters in a year for a *couple*, r56. Not 200 separate hookups.
I want ONE great encounter.
I want a guy to SLOWLY open me up and then pound away like there's no tomorrow.
Then I want to fall asleep in his arms.
Wake up in the middle of the night. Jump in the shower with him. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
We wake up in the morning for round three and then go out for breakfast.
I'm afraid the condoms would break.
It would only be one encounter (well, three, hopefully.)
What could go wrong?
Not much has changed in 30 years.
[quote]Also, as a culture we allow terms like "condom fatigue" (oh my, I'm just so fatigued I can't put on a condom anymore)
A gay man with "condom fatigue" is about as understandable as a skydiver with "parachute fatigue".
You writing a book, OP?
im 30 and ive heard and known about hiv-aids since i was like 11 yrs old
At 16 my mom took me for my first hiv test- i wasnt even sexually active but she did sort of sense i was gay.
I later found out that her favorite male cousin who was gay had aids and she was worried for me
It sucks life isnt fair no one ever said it was
But when it comes to hiv and aids it is preventable
condoms and be safe etc common sense.
So i partly am not sorry for guys or girls that are under 30 and have hiv and or aids
you are old enough to know better.
ignorance is not bliss or an excuse
I met a 23 yr old guy a couple years back and we clicked and before we even tried doing anything he told me he was hiv positive, that he had been raped. Cynical me found it hard to believe, suffice it to say- we never got physical
it may no longer be a death sentence but its still a life sentence
So your mom suspected her cousin was raping you, R61??
One of my best friends was trying to fix me up with a cute co-worker who was in his late 20s, former military, and working as a consultant at the same firm. I was kind of disappointed when I didn't hear anymore about the possibility of her setting up a date, but she recently informed me that he has HIV (actually, she said he has AIDS, but I'm inclined to think she meant HIV).
Anyway, I know for a fact that I currently am not equipped to date someone who's poz. Sometimes I think that makes me an evil person, but it's the honest truth. I have no problem being a friend to someone who has HIV, and I believe everyone deserves to be treated with dignity. However, cynical me is a little skeptical of the fact that everyone who's poz tends to claim they got it from a cheating partner...when we all know that isn't the case. I won't pretend I haven't had close calls (barebacked with a slutty ex in college...had rough sex in Vienna a few years ago...fucked a guy with facial wasting during my very first gay encounter!), but I'd never trivialize the seriousness of HIV.
I remember dating in the 90s. I was very conflicted about dating someone who was positive (was negative, still am) but felt terrible about acknowledging it. I even let a female friend set me up with someone who was positive, but nothing came of it. There was an enormous societal/gay subcultural pressure to have it "not matter."
Now, almost 20 years later, I have no hesitation about it. I practice safe sex. And I will not date or play with someone who is HIV positive.
I'm curious if HIV+ guys still find it easy to get laid? My old roommate revealed to me he was HIV+ (as a result of rape, apparently) and claimed he always told his potential sex partners beforehand. The thing is though, he was hooking up with different guys at our apartment multiple times every week and I just do not buy for one second that all of those guys knew. I'd seen his a4a profile too and it didn't say anything about being HIV+. I always wanted to say something to his tricks but never did. I actually started to resent my roommate because of what I suspected he was doing. I have another HIV+ friend as well who I know for a fact doesn't tell his sex partners. It's a real sore subject with me.
I would let some people know, r65. I mean it's not easy but just sayin....
Yeah those good wishes will make the HIV go away. I know lots of guys that just pop a pill or two a day and are fine.
Why don't you get a better doctor
HIV will always be with us, unless they find some sort of absolute cure.
We should work to decrease infection rates and support research to make the lives of those inflicted better.
Bare backing will always exist. there will always be a subset of the population who bare back, either out of ignorance (which we can combat) or because they don't give a shit (which is harder to combat). That means no one can ever really stop being vigilant in protecting themselves.
Every one understands HIV transmission and how to prevent it. Rationale people understand what's going on and most would protect themselves when thinking rationally.
But, people who are high or drunk often aren't rationale. People who are super horny often aren't rationale.
I never engaged in unsafe sex because I was always very afraid. And, sex and drugs/alcohol never mixed for me. What I mean is that when I got drunk or high, I didn't get horny. For a lot of people, drinking/drugs lowers inhibitions, gets them geared up, ready to have sex. But, alcohol/drugs always made me just want to dance, or fight, or got to sleep. Sex was the farthest thing from my mind.
I'm 22 and I've been HIV+ since I was twenty. At the time I didn't know my partner was poz. I'm still with the guy who infected me.
Do you guys use condoms for blowjobs?
[quote]We are all personally responsible for our actions. I can't imagine having unsafe sex with anyone unless we were in a committed relationship and even then, you have to be careful. I am in no way excusing the fucking asshole who didn't tell a partner but if someone is willing to bareback, you should assume they are positive.
My current and previous partner became positive through a partner they trusted. Let's not be judgemental about a disease. Their partners knew when they fucked them without a rubber. Their wisdom/ cynicism came after they had become infected. I run for the hills if someone wants to bareback me and starts talking about 'trust'. Using a rubber is my default- I am negative and my BF is positive, but we always use a rubber, no matter who is fucking and who is getting fucked.
Whatever you think of someone's choices, HIV is way disproportionate a consequence of love and sharing. So all you prissy "There is no excuse" people, please die. You are miserable losers whom nobody loves, and that is not virtue.
I had a girlfriend who told me her ex husband had died of AIDS, he was a drug user who used needles and while we don't know for sure if he ever had sex with men, the drug use was the likely culprit.
Anyway, she had said she was HIV negative so I just believed her and I, who is a straight male, had unprotected sex with her.
I assumed that since female to male transmission of HIV is not very common, at least in the U.S., that I was safe and while I have since been tested and the test came back negative, I can't believe how stupid I was to just take her word for it.
A general point, the whole "my sex partner didn't tell me" is completely irrelevant. As R7 says here, he didn't diagnose his status until three years after he was infected. So relying on what a sex partner says makes a massive assumption that they actually know their HIV status. Even if your sex partner says they are HIV negative, it's no reason to throw caution to the wind and risk your own well being. It's just sex, people.
You should always assume that all partners are HIV positive and act accordingly with your own best interests in mind. Don't give away responsibility for your own sexual health.
I had unprotected sex with a girl name miriah powell she didn't tell me she was positive and it really ended my life
I always use a condom even in committed relationships.
Amazing how ignorant and judgemental (especially gays, who should know better) people still are about HIV. Apparently attitudes haven't changed one whit.
Shame On You
Only whores get the bug
I was infected on June 16th by a girl named Miriah Powell I was only 25 she knowingly infected me I feel so stupid I never had a clue she had it and she goes on with her life like nothing happend while I'm suffering and might not make it so anybody that's from Chicago beware of a girl named Miriah Powell
R78 is right, when you read the self-righteous hysterical posts of the older guys on here who say they want QUARANTINE or have NO EMPATHY or it's hard to find EMPATHY you know perfectly well they are ugly lowlife pigs, stupid dishonest and venal, who can't get any sex they don't pay for and who to a man we would be better off if they had never been born. In 1990 there were probably what, a hundred cases in Toronto, and presumably a nexus around people who had traveled to New York? It was undoubtedly true that young gaylings thought that if they kept their socializing within their peer group, they would avoid this contagion. It was wrong thinking, but it was probably what all of them thought and most of them got away with it. As for the "don't trust anybody but yourself people," you must have low sex drives and shriveled little peepees because falling in love and being young are all about trust. Even in the early days of AIDS, I was ridiculed for saying that it isn't people have public quickies in the park (rarely unsafe) spreading AIDS, but it was spreading rather through social circles by serial monogamists. And yet I was right and here is still more proof.
[quote]Out of curiosity, how many of you brush and floss your teeth three times a day, every day?
Skipping a brush or a floss can't kill you.
My ex was positive; I'm negative. We had a great 11 years together, but took basic precautions during sex. We're now separated but I never converted and he's still healthy.
Young people getting the disease made him alternately furious and sad.
R7 Hey I wish you good health and many years indeed. Maybe in your lifetime there will be a cure. Not sure if u know about this or not, but there had been a successfull cure, where they removed the bone mark and replaced it.
I remember as a young gayling in 1982 hearing about GRID and HTLV and being terrified.
I had a partner in the mid 80's who was HIV+. It was too much for 23 year old me to handle. He's still alive and kicking.
I've always assumed that everyone I had sex with was or could be HIV+ and used condoms. I've also lectured more straight women about the dangers of not using condoms - "pregnancy is the least of your worries". Not many of them listened.
Yes, there have been guys that "just want to put the tip in" and that has been a no-go.
In the past, I may have been judgmental about those that became positive but I've had a couple of scares where alcohol (no drugs) has blurred my recollection of things and couldn't recall what happened or if condoms where involved. We all make mistakes and errors in judgement. No one "deserves" it.
But there is a special place in hell for those that are positive and know it, and don't disclose to those they are having sex with (a crime in Canada) or knowingly try to infect others by barebacking.