18 year old son, 15 year old daughter.
Son is pretty much semi-retarded. He turned 18 last week but will probably live at home until he's 20, at least. Functions at about a 13 year-old level, and is only a sophomore at this point. FUCK!
Worse, the kid is almost a dead ringer for Leatherface from the Texas Chainsaw movie. Greasy, stringy hair halfway down his back, 6'3", 300# with bad acne. He's gross, and I try not to look at him while I'm eating.
Daughter is almost 15, freshman in high school. Also very immature for her age. She's a very pretty girl, seems socially well-adjusted enough, and average in school. However, she's obsessed with Justin Bieber and all things Nickelodeon, watches Curious George and other little-kid shows. Although nearly a sophomore in high school she still trick-or-treats, sucks her thumb, chews on her hair, and plays with dolls. As in Barbie dolls - it just seems very, very odd to me.
I thought of this in particular today because her dad asked me to get some eggs for her to "hunt" on Easter. I was like, "isn't she a bit old? And that trick or treat business last fall?" and he's like, "oh, I know..." Not to sound like a total asshole about that but really, it's TOO FUCKING OLD.
And I know this because I have nieces and they were definitely not this childish at that age.
My BF acknowledges they're a little different, to say the least, but he doesn't talk about how the life he's lived (recovering alcoholic, their mother is an active alcoholic) has impacted these kids. I don't know, I know all teenagers are different, but these two are really weird.
The point of my post is not to feel sorry for them, though. Like all teens, they fucking stink, the boy barely showers, and they're both HUGE slobs. I hate the way they walk, talk, eat, smell, look, and breathe! There are many, many times I would LOVE to slap the shit out of them!
Will I get over this? Will they grow out of it? Ugh!
We are planning on moving in together over the summer. I love him like crazy, but I just don't know if I can take these kids.
Aren't you glad you can't get pregnant, OP?
SLAP THEIR FACES!! SLAP THEIR FACES VICIOUSLY!!!
If you have this much resentment towards his children, it might be a good idea to rethink the situation. I'd have a long talk with my partner/bf about the kids first. If you move in with him now, things will only get worse.
Seriously, you're thinking of moving in with that? Talk about walking into the punches, OP.
No I wouldn't move in your tolerance levels are pretty low and guess what it could be even better they may think your intolerant and dislike you as well.See every cloud ....
The kids sound as retarded as a man who would marry a woman and conceive children with her even though he's a fag.
I smell a new sitcom!
My 15 year old niece is still into dolls, Nick, Spongebob, etc. We believe she is developmentally disabled but she's never had a full diagnosis. The difference between her and OP's partner's kid is that she's very neat, clean and meticulous about her schoolwork, but she does seem to be doing assignments that may be for younger kids.
Don't move in.
Start looking elsewhere for a new boyfriend.
The kids will ALWAYS come before you.
Secretely murder his kids and then you get to comfort him and replace the cunts. He will be yours forever.
The kids have fetal alcohol syndrome. It doesn't always cause facial deformities.
OP, this is not the relationship for you. Or for anyone else. Tell him you'll look in on him again in 5 years.
No OP, you can not move in with him. Keep your own place and invite him over there w/o the kids. That way you never have to see them. Lot's of people keep separate residences. Not a big deal. When the brats are older and in college (or a group home), then you can talk about moving in together.
Oh forgawdsake... These two sound like normal adolescents to me! Considering they've got a new person in their life who's a man and can't stand to watch them eat.
OP, run to the nearest rental office and get a place of your own. Invite him over. Don't inflict yourselves on these kids.
Either the kids are awful or you are judgmental.
Regardless of which is more true, you should not move in with your partner until after the kids have moved out.
If you do decide to move in, it won't end well.
They aren't "normal kids", r 13.
R13 those kids sound far from normal.
18 years with the development skills of a 13 year-old, sounds like FAS and inattentive parenting to his slow learning.
The girl will just end up knocked up or on a stripper pole somewhere. 15 year-olds don't play with dolls or are that stunted unless they also have developmental skills...or were sexually abused at a younger age.
Either way, they'll always be your partner's kids and you're just his boyfriend. If they're this much of a problem for you now it will never get better.
Did anyone besides me initially read the title as "I can't stand fucking my partner's kids"?
OP, since you use "impact" as a verb, it sounds like you fit in perfectly with these quasi-retarded children. Your partner clearly had this in mind when he chose you to be their new dad.
Wow. I need an eye doctor. I read that thread title as "I can't stand fucking my partner's kids."
Of course, that might have been a more interesting thread.
OP, referring to the boy as "semi-retarded" puts you on a par with him, emotionally.
The word "retarded" should not be used anymore, as an insult or otherwise.
If this stuff is true, you are asking for a relationship filled with drama and arguments. You best sit down with the BF and have a serious discussion.
Or start dating his son.
[quote]The word "retarded" should not be used anymore, as an insult or otherwise.
retarted. retarted. retarted.
Where's Mrs. Patsy Ramsey, formerly of Boulder, Colorado, for parenting advice when you REALLY need her?
So, both parents were or are alcoholics and you're wondering why the kids seem... special? Perhaps you're a little special, as well.
I wouldn't recommend sending them to Chadwick's School for Impudent Children, either.
OP, you sound like a real catch. Compassion like yours is so rare these days.
It does sound like they've got a touch of the FAS. Or maybe their mom was living in a house with lead paint while she was pregnant with them. That can permanently stunt IQ and cause developmental delays too.
What R9 said.
You'll spend years resenting the kids and hoping things will change, but even if they magically move out at age 18 (and that sounds unlikely), they will still be his kids and you will still have to deal with them at times. You'll probably end up breaking up at some point because of all of the tension, and then you'll wish you could get the years of your life back that you wasted on a relationship you really weren't completely happy with. When you date someone with kids, it all comes as a package deal.
Get out now before you get yourself in deeper.
I couldn't stand my ex husband's kid either.
Dear Max, that's why they invented boarding schools.
99% of the relationships I read about on here are dysfunctional or ending.
Wow OP, why would you admit that you fuck your partners kids? You need help.
How do you think I feel? My partner's little shits are 7 year old twins. At least you will be able to push those brats out of the house soon, I have at least another decade of hell if I stay in this relationship. They can't even wipe their own ass yet.
R33, they're 7 and can't wipe their own butts? Were they never potty trained at 3 like all kids are supposed to be?
You sound as equally delightful as the OP, R33. Did you not know he or she had children when you moved in together? Did they just miracuously appear one day in a basket on your doorstep?
OP, tell us more about the boyfriend.
How old is he?
How hung is he?
is he worth a lot of money?
No, R18, just you.
OP doesn't seem inclined to be helpful to these dysfunctional kids in any way.
Moving in together is only going to exacerbate the problems.
You would even consider moving into this situation? That says loads about you, OP. Loads.
Still think this is an elaborate scenario troll.
Me too R40.
Especially since OP hasn't been back.
So go out and find someone that shares your stupid bigotry.
R28 I couldn't have put it better myself.
[quote]The word "retarded" should not be used anymore, as an insult or otherwise.
You sound retarded.
R37 - yes, I've given these kids MORE than a fair shake, trust me.
The first year we were together (it's been two) I took a lot of time with them. I did a lot of things to make them feel special. Dinners out, really nice things for their birthdays and holidays, etc.
I especially spent a lot of one on one time with them talking about life after high school, things to do now to prep for college, and generally trying to build them up. Neither of them have EVER been involved in any school or sports activities, absolutely nothing extracurricular. Nada. No music, sports, art, clubs, nothing.
This is the fault of the parents. My partner admits he really fell down in this area. The ex just doesn't care. If they weren't "interested" then she didn't care, either.
At any rate, I tried to suggest many things for them to do and did some of them WITH them to help cultivate an interest. Bought them a basketball hoop, offered to pay for music lessons. Any interest? No. Their hobbies are video games, texting, and eating.
We live in a beautiful area with beaches and mountains and lakes. Weekends we try to get these kids to camp, or go to the beach, or get in a canoe. They want nothing to do with any of it. No interest.
They are dead-eyed, dead-brained little fuckers.
So yes, I have tried and I suppose I'm now bitter because I HAVE in fact made so many efforts as well as helped their father to finally learn how to help them (and stop drinking, to boot). Apparently, it's too late.
The silver lining is that they live with their mother during the week, but spend EVERY single weekend at dad's house. So that sucks.
Also, their idiot of a mother still lives with HER parents in a falling-down house with a reverse mortgage. So when they bite it, the bank takes the house and mom and kids are homeless. If kids had to move in with dad full time I'd definitely not do this.
I'm still very much on the fence about this. Obviously my partner loves his kids and he isnt in denial about how they are, but doesn't want to discuss it much either. I also don't see the point because after two years I know these kids aren't going to change.
He has no money (I do), is handsome, kind, 47, and yes, hung as hell.
Hate the kids. I wouldn't mind if they died in a car accident, truly.
OP, Get out now. Find someone else. Seriously.
The situation sounds like sheer hell. There is not a man alive who has THAT kind of baggage who is worth putting up with - no matter how hung he is.
You'd be better off single.
Uhhh, OP . . . Texting, video games and apathetic to extracurricular activities and the world around them in general?
You've just described at least half of the teenage American population right there.
OP, just a question, but they have to acclimate themselves to [italic] YOU [/italic] also. What do you think they think about Daddy getting his dick dirty in "aunty's" (you) asshole while your feet are in the air?
2 way street, Tatiana.
[quote] This is the fault of the parents. My partner admits he really fell down in this area
Good, you saved me the time of typing out a longer response saying the same thing.
Your partner is reaping what he sowed. Sorry, not everyone is a good parent and it sounds like your partner and his ex sucked at it.
I think the problem lies with you. You're extremely judgemental. Get your own place and have your partner come over.
The 15 year old girl sounds perfectly fine to me. I'm 24, doing a masters in Biotechnology and I still watch cartoons. When I was 15 I was into the backstreet boys and n'sync and so were all my friends, Justin Bieber is the 2012 equivalent of those guys. I see nothing wrong with her going trick or treating, better than her going to some party getting drunk and drugged up for the sake of being "cool and adult" She's FIFTEEN! Society these days doesn't seem to understand that anyone that age is still a child.
Being 18 and still a sophomore isn't such a shock, advise your partner to get him a tutor is he's having problems keeping up. Be proactive. And hating on him because he has acne just shows you off as a deeply shallow person. Wow!
Stope being a douche or move on.
lol I mean't STOP not stope being a douche and move on.
Are you male or female, OP.
R53, I'm sure that the answer is yes.
R33, "their own asses," not "their own ass." If there's only one ass involved, it's -- oh, but I'm too, too shy to go on.
There's no house big enough to hold all of that mess.
OP, you need to give BOTH of your partner's kids a Dirty Sanchez just to show them who's boss.
i agree with tai you're a a$$hole.
A jealous one at that. And as for that part about hoping they die in a car crash you are also one sick bastard
First of all, OP, you are not someone's partner. If you were a partner, you'd accept this baggage and try to make the most/improve the situation. You have a boyfriend. You're dating. No long term commitment here. Keep your own place and see him during the week if that works for you. Do your own thing on the weekend. It works for a lot of people.
"Aofie" and "Tai"
WTF is that?
OP- you sound dreadfulon this thread, and that you are posting this bile on DL- your partner should dump you!
Are you serious?
1. You will never be more important than the children
2. Regardless of the fact that they are no longer together, the ex will probably still be more important/influential than you because she is the mother of his children
3. Why in the world would you commit yourself to this situation/lifestyle unless you yourself are hideous or a total social misfit?
Take a good look at yourself and the situation you are walking into.
Don't be another typical stupid woman, you could ruin your life... especially if you have a kid with him.
R60, "Aoife" (pronounced EE-FA) is the Irish version of "Eve."
Gee, another troll thread.
What are the chances.
This story is very sad. I feel sorry for those poor kids. My cousins were those sort of apathetic children because neither of their self-absorbed parents paid them any attention. They have had trouble all their lives.
OP, stay away from this situation, you are not ready. And maybe try letting some of your irritation boil over onto your BF, not just the kids. I know y'all are having sex and that is great, but he has done those kids no favors at all.
Find a new partner with no kids.
Gee, this thread is making the most delightful reading on this sunny Sunday morning.
[quote]The girl will just end up knocked up or on a stripper pole somewhere.
If I was a singer/songwriter I'd use that line.
Basically, OP, his kids are part of the deal at this point. Your BF sounds like a complicated package deal to say the least and you don't sound up to it or for it, I'm afraid.
My stepfather really wanted to push me out the door when I was 18...shame it wasn't his actual house. I had some more growing up to do before I was ready.
(Thanks for giving me a chance to reflect on this).
[quote]Find a new partner with no kids.
Exactly. It shouldn't be too hard if you're a homosexual.
Yes, get away from these kids, OP. The last thing they need is their father's prissy partner flouncing around in a huff in addition to the rest of the mess that is their lives.
...wishing they were, literally, dead...
R67 - I know. And I want that kid OUT of the house by the time he graduates (if he actually does) from HS which won't be for two more years. So he will be 20.
He's a very lazy, dimwitted, apathetic person. Both parents call him "soft" (not to his face) but that is how they describe him to others. "Soft". In other words, they don't have any expectations for him other than to be a loser all his life.
At 20 years old he better get a job and get out of the house. I'm not worried about this. My partner will do what I want, it's just the process of getting there.
[quote]My partner will do what I want, it's just the process of getting there.
That's what they all say, honey. You need to be more realistic. The kids come first, always. They were there before you, and will be there after. It will get worse as they get older.
And in case youve been hiding under a rock for the last ten years, teenagers do not leave the home directly after high school anymore. Unless they have a fabulous scholarship to take them far away. Your best bet is to help him find a job that have him work a lot of hours.
So just enjoy your partners big cock, (thats all you really want anyway). And try not to draw to much attention to yourself before he decides you are not good for his kids.
Yeah, what kind of job do you expect this kid is magically going to get? One that pays a living wage? With a high school education?
All this boy has is his parents, sounds like. Sad.
OP, I understand your frustration but you lack empathy. Then again, in your shoes I might also...
R72 - good suggestions. R73 - he is good in his shop classes, mechanics or whatever it's called. He does well there.
So hopefully something mechanically related, but he is so extremely unmotivated he will probably blow any opportunities.
Yes, I'm over these idiot children. Avoided being at my partner's house all weekend because they are there. The boy at least helps his dad out around the house and property. That I appreciate.
Daughter on the other hand never leaves the sofa the entire weekend. And the sofa STINKS to high heaven after that as well. She eats, watches tv, texts, goes online, and literally does not leave the sofa unless dad asks her to do something or she has to pee.
Thank god they go back to their mother's today.
[quote]All this boy has is his parents, sounds like. Sad.
& his father's boyfriend's money.
If you have REAL money, OP...send them to the South Of France this summer to learn French...then onto a Swiss boarding school. That will knock them into shape and get them well out of the way.
OP - it's curious that you said something to the effect that your boyfriend doesn't drink thanks to you. I'd suspect you're a bit co-dependent and when you can't control a situation or a person, then you can't cope or get frustrated. What you see with your bf and his kids is what you get, and what you're ALWAYS going to get. The problem isn't the kids - the problem is your expectations not being met. You perceive the need to 'fix' them like you did their dad, but they don't perceive the need to be 'fixed'. Therein lies the problem. Maybe the solution is to have your own weekend place, but you also have to think about what kind of message that sends to your bf.
R76 said it
Don't hate me, the Women Who Love Too Much paperback troll.
also the fooine L Kravitz ass troll
Glad to know the boy is good at something and that you could say at least one nice thing about him.
Your boyfriend is the real loser here. Lousy parent and naive enough to let a hard-hearted schemer into his life to further estrange and push away the already lost, sad kids who clearly have self-esteem problems. Hopefully you'll be able to make them feel worse about themselves before you're done and no doubt Daddy will stand by helplessly.
Why does the sofa stink, by the way? Does a teenage girl smell bad? Most of the ones I know seem fairly well-showered. Is it the food that leaves the smell?
Again, OP, are you male or female?
[quote]Why does the sofa stink, by the way?
Do you REALLY want to know?
R60 it's a reference to the children of Lir an Irish legend which if i do say so myself is incredibly apt to this thread.
To save you having to goggle it, it's about an incredibly jealous stepmother who finds a way of getting rid of her stepchildren and again OP you're an a$$hole.
School in the south of france?!?! Do it OP! However, knowing these ungrateful cunts they may refuse it.
The things gay men will do for some dick.
Where does it end?
Aren't you ever afraid he'll go back to women, OP?
So you had the option of opting out this weeend. Why on earth would you ever consider giving this up and moving in together?
"The problem isn't the kids - the problem is your expectations not being met. You perceive the need to 'fix' them like you did their dad, but they don't perceive the need to be 'fixed'."
Oh, the kids know they need fixing, but the OP isn't going to be the one to succeed in that. He isn't willing to put much more into the effort than a few pats on the head, and his attempts to "fix" the kids are done with the ulterior motive of getting them out of their dads house. The kids may be dim, but they're not stupid enough to fall for any of the OP's attempts to get rid of them.
And the post at R74 makes the girl sound severely depressed. She should be seeing a doctor, not her dad's two-faced boyfriend.
Do they like blue?
Joey- (Please don't tell Lorna I'm using the TV typewriter again )
R-U-N. It will not change. EVER. Your partner created these monsters and they will always have run of the house no matter what. You will never come first. Find yourself another.
I'm so thankful I don't have children. I'm female and never want children unfortunately every potential partner I meet has kids or wants them .....this post reinforced staying single . My hat off to you op for dealing with this.
Keep your own place OP. My partner's parents are a pain in the ass, they may as well be his children. Having my own place to go home to has saved my relationship. I wouldn't move in with him.
My new boyfriend has a 14 year old daughter. She's very pretty, very spoiled and she hates me and goes out of her way to let me know it. My boyfriend was with his previous boyfriend for several years and she blames me for the break-up. He's asked me to move in and I really want to but her behavior is scaring me off the idea. Unlike OP, she doesn't ever see her mother so she's around most of the time.
Thank you R89!
Well, this is honestly making me consider things more. I mean, you guys are right; the situation is likely to never change.
I just wish they were more interesting, cooler kids. They suck. THey really do. Yes my expections are not being met - hell yes! The apathy these kids have is so depressing. I just cannot relate to them on any level, and it isn't just because they are teens.
I have SOME money - I didn't say a lot. Not enough to support all these deadbeats. BF barely makes enough for me to not resent him over it, but I suppose that's another issue.
At any rate I can't afford to have the kids shipped off anywhere but how wonderful THAT would be.
Move on OP. You would be an idiot to move in with them.
(R91) You are jealous of the daughter, and she is jealous of you. It's not going to work because you are interested in f****n the dad and are not interested in being a role model for the girl. Ultimately, he will be forced to choose between his daughter and you. Guess who will win? Clue: Not you. Do not move in and just try to have fun while it lasts. You're just a piece of a** coming through the revolving door so don't fool yourself.
OP is a female and she's jealous of her partner's kids. Pathetic. Enjoy your drunk.
You guys will be pleased to know I've been trying much harder to give these kids a chance and things have been better.
Mostly I've just been interacting with them more than I had been, but still, I find them very strange and odd children.
I would never touch a dick that had been inside a woman.
Me neither r98
People who still find Helen Lawson jokes funny - forty years after their expiry date - are hardly in a position to call others "developmentally disabled". Just sayin'...
R98 and r99 - your dicks have been inside women, unless you gestated in an iron lung.
I would never again get involved with someone with kids.
I did it once, the kid was a holy terror, and it ultimately ruined the relationship. Of course little "Junior" could do no wrong. The kid is 25 now and still a little asshole.
Fortunately I met someone who has the same disdain for the little snot factories as I do. Yes, I know it's the parents fault that the kid is badly behaved, but that doesn't help when they are screaming through your meal or kicking your chair in the movies or drooling on your head during a three hour flight, does it?
OP sounds scary angry and needs to get out fast. Did you ever think that maybe these kids are a little messed up due to the separation of their parents and having to put up with a stranger who are now living with their dad who is now trying to tell them what to do. And that's what you are, not a parent but a stranger/acquaintance. When you accept your role as stranger, you'll realize you're not responsible for how they look and act, and you'll detach yourself enough to have peace with this.
Right now, you think it's your job to do a makeover for these kids. It's not. So they like to veg out on the weekends and aren't into your activities. Arrange an area in the house for them to veg out that isn't in your eyesight, like send them to the basement or the spare bedroom. That way you don't have to look or speak to them.
As for the child who is a sophomore when he should be a senior, maybe he has a learning disability. Maybe he's depressed. Either way, you don't have the compassion or the empathy necessary to being around these kids. Your post indicates you're just an additional poison in their disrupted miserable lives of dysfunctional mother and father with a hostile 'partner.'
Your presence and your attitude is harming these kids so please walk away from them. They may outwardly stink but what you've posted here indicate you also carry an odor. You're in no way a partner to this man you're with.
OP have a little pity on them. Maybe you could help them. Has the son been diagnosed with a particular problem?
Thank goodness my partner doesn't have children. They would only get in the way of our erotic lifestyle.
OMg … Dont do it! YOu cant move in with this guy … I dont care how much you love him! Your life will suck! Go through the pain, cut your losses and move the fuck on! Unless you are a total retard … OMg you will find someone else and someone else may be better suited for these kids … because its definitely not you. I love your post because its so damn honest but you cant move in! Good Luck, move on. Take the high road.
R106, the last post in this thread was over a year ago. Pretty sure the OP has done whatever it was he was going to do by now.
Get me.....a knitting needle.
Gurl, kids are a permanent part of a parent's life. If you don't like or get along with 1 or more of your partner's kids, you either need to work it out or break it off. You're the expendable one.
Actually, I just put their father in a medical detox facility for alcohol and then on to rehab for 30 days. He was dx with early stage cirrhosis last summer.
Kids are still fucked. Son never graduated high school this year, lives with his mother in a govt. housing project and just stays online all day except to eat junk food and smoke weed.
Daughter is entering junior year, is still extremely immature and Bieber obsessed. I can't stand the little cunt.
I'm still an asshole, but the only one holding it together. Paying the bills at my house and at his. Hoping he gets out of rehab and gets well for himself and the kids. I truly can't stand them but try to do nice things for them all the time.
"THIS ONE doesn't like Little Stevie!"
[quote]My BF acknowledges they're a little different, to say the least, but he doesn't talk about how the life he's lived (recovering alcoholic, their mother is an active alcoholic) has impacted these kids. I don't know, I know all teenagers are different, but these two are really weird.
Obviously they have fetal alcohol syndrome.
Good reference, r111.
OP seriously, I just wonder about your judgement. You got involved with an ex-alcoholic with children. That wasn't a red flag? Now he's back drinking, you're stuck paying all the bills & he still has his kids of course.
Do you really think OP is still bothering with this ancient thread some idiot (aka, R106) resurrected?
I have a nephew whom I love very much but he's about 14 and acts like an 8 year-old complete with high squeaky voice and baby talk. Really s-l-o-w baby talk. There's obviously something wrong, developmentally, but he's a total angel.
I blame the parents and the grandparents for infantilising him. My brother named him after himself and all his life he's been known as "Little ..." Acting like a retarded baby has been completely reinforced by the adults around him.
Leave him or pitch it as a sitcom
OP = Ozzy.
They're your kids too, jackass!
[quote]I would never touch a dick that had been inside a woman.
*lifts head up from rim job to comment*
Agreed! Might have cooties!
*returns to snacking on manhole*.
I thought this said "I can't stand fucking my partner's kids" when I first read it!
Both of these kids need therapy ASAP!They are acting childish because they are trying to recapture a childhood that was lost to them because your BF and the bio mom were drunks and did not take proper care of them when they were younger, so now to get attention, they are acting younger than their age in order to relive a childhood that was denied, your BF and his ex have fucked these kids up more than you can realize, and the older child sounds like he is going through major depression. If you cared at all, and unfortunately it sounds like your cunty ass does not, you would make your BF get them into some kind of therapy such as AA right away.
Jesus, OP, don't you care that you've basically given away who you are and you'd better hope no-one at home reads the DL.
Leatherface was a bit handy with knives.
[quote]Jesus, OP, don't you care that you've basically given away who you are
He did? Who? Maybe I wasn't bright enough to catch it.
The whole family is too stupid and in denial to go to therapy.
BF only FINALLY went to rehab because he knows I'm about to leave his ass if he doesn't get help.
Most of his sorry ass family is barely literate, including my BF. I'm with him because he has a big dick and when he's not a violent drunk shithead we have an amazing time together.
I don't give a fuck about the kids. I admit it. I tried for a LONG time, but in the year since first posting this, I care less than ever.