Yes a safe haven for us ..All you Fags get out please and let us Bi guys get to talk about the important issues
I'm a mostly straight guy. Can I be here?
R10 yes you can be
Existing bisexual here. Ok, what do we do?
lets talk about how life as a bisexual is
I for one always wonder how it would be like to be gay or straight ..
I'm not bisexual though. I'm mostly straight.
MS = Mostly Straight
mostly straight = bisexual still
I define as "genderqueer" and resist the phallocentric rigidity of binary labels.
Apparently we spend a page trying to figure out what to do.
I'm bisexual, but mostly gay. There's not enough there to make it worth pursuing a relationship with a woman, but I'm sure as hell not going to pretend that I'm gay and the sex I have had in te past with women was somehow before I really became gay.
LOL thats because the faggy troll's are trying to ruin it
No I've never wondered that, r15. I guess because I spent too much time trying to convince myself in my head I was one or the other even though it never felt right and I know I'm not. That's great for you, r19. I don't think bisexual has to be binary reinforcing though. I've heard it used to refer to anyone who isn't attracted to just one gender/sex and to any degree. But everyone should identify how they want to identify. So more power to you, "mostly straight" guy.
I define as mostly straight too. OK, so now could someone explain to me why so much hostility from the gays? My gfs have been fairly ok to very enthusiastic about my orientation. The gays.....ya know.
i think society makes it so difficult to accept yourself and for the earlier and for some the most of our lives we struggle to find out who we are
i for one had crushes on guys from the age of 7 . i never did think i was gay but yet again i lived in a society where "gay" didnt exist in the sense that it was a taboo .
then in my teens i started getting strong attraction to females and i was like what the hell if going on where is this coming from
i mean my attraction is not 50/50 i feel trying to put a percentage on it is a waste of time ..i believe sexuality is fluid and complex at the same time and not as black and white as many deem it to be
a couple of weeks ago i kissed a guy i thought i was very attracted to and it did nothing to me ,made me think i wasnt into guys anymore but i realized its just more of a ..less of an attraction sometimes and more other times
another thing is that mutual masturbation and probably a blowjob is as far as i am willing to go sexually with a guy .i have tried anal sex , receiving and giving and lets just say it wasnt for me
idk, r24, I don't want to answer for gay people or make generalizations about all of them, just like some of them might make generalizations about us. I've encountered the 'nothing against you, but I personally don't want to date a bisexual' line pretty often, as well as the 'bisexuals are cheaters who are going to leave you to marry a straight girl' stereotype, which I think has to do at least partly with the fact that bisexuality is more visible when someone is switching between a partner of one sex to a partner of another - and the association gets made in people's minds.
Thanks for sharing your story, r25. I often wonder if it doesn't take bisexual people on average longer to figure themselves out and come out to themselves than others. Because if there are few rolemodels for gay people in society, I think there are even fewer for bisexuals. Growing up I just assumed, no, I can't be gay, I have this crush on a girl in my class. And I didn't finally come out as bi until my mid twenties. I still catch myself second guessing myself if I haven't been attracted to a guy for a while. Then some hot new coworker will be introduced at work and I'll be reduced to a blushing, stammering mess. And I'll be like, yeah, still bi. fwiw, I've never been that into penetrative sex with men or women either, but I think that has to do with other intimacy and trust issues I have separate from my sexuality. I know a lot of gay people who are not that into it either.
r26 its me 25 ... we bisexuals almost have no role-models at all and i go through the same thing . i still second guess myself all the time ..sometimes for a while i wont have attraction to girls then i meet this one girl and my heart starts pounding fast and everything associated and im like yeah im still bi.
i dont know if its because somewhere mentally we think its just a phase that will pass by and eventually we will just pe attracted to one gender..but its a phase that never passes.
i will say that being bisexual is not easy at all..i wish it was simple and i was just into one side but it doesnt work like that.
but sometimes i also think its cool that i find bother genders attractive
Good for you, r21! You're being sensible about it, unlike most here.
R26, I actually once read a scientific article that said it tends to take bisexuals longer to figure themselves out and come out.
I didn't take long to roughly figure myself out and I had no major problems with self-acceptance yet I constantly second guess myself.
Bi now, gay later.
The diagram is simple- find a hole of the appropriate diameter and stuff something in it.
I didn't realize I was bisexual until I was in my thirties. I spent my twenties in lesbian bars and didn't meet many straight men.
When I experienced my first full-blown (no pun intended) attraction to a man I thought something was wrong with me.
I dated and had kids with a female. The sex was good but not great. I told her I was bisexual from the beginning. I swear I think it turned her on.
Now we're friends and I can't imagine going back to women.
My teenage son has been acting out since I've partnered with a man, but that's another thread.
@R24: I honestly think it has to do with jealousy. Gays are mad at the fact that bisexuals are more readily accepted into society in general. Its abit like the squables between light skinned and dark skinned black people, with the dark skinned believing that the others have it easier.
I also think that because we are more easily assimilated by straights, alot of self-hating gays hide amongst us.
Personally, I may have one night stands with gay guys but I would only run a relationship with a bi man. I just think gay men are far too bitter and paranoid over bisexuality to handle a relationship with one.
R26, who complained about the lack of bisexual role models, might find this book about bisexuality in art and popular culture interesting. It was first published in 2000, so some of the references are dated, but the chapters on Harlem bisexuals in the 1920s and 1930s and various artist communities are very good.
Funny. I have never been conflicted about being bi. I've met guys who thought I should be but I like that I can find beauty in men and women. And yes I agree R34 - alot of envious gays out there.
Blah blah blah R34, you say shit like that but the fact is you'd fuck anything that moved, including dogs and horses.
Is this thread still here? I must be dreaming. Perhaps if I click my heels together three times...
There's no place like reality,
There's no place like reality,
There's no place like reality...
bisexuals, aka "BS"
Too funny. If there's anybody who doesn't deserve the Bisexual label it's BS
I'd like to hear from bi men. I'm curious!
I'm bisexual too. I once had a girlfriend in high school. She was my high school sweetheart. We were even nominated homecoming queens.
[quote]I'd like to hear from bi men.
You'd have better luck hearing from a Sasquatch or alien life forms.
HA! Good one, R42. In fact, bisexuals should be on that Diet Dr. Pepper commercial, with the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and Leprechauns.
This thread should be more like the African Americans thread, including bi gossip.
Bi male here - Although I can sleep with either, I agree with whoever said that dating gay men is drama. You literally cant go an hour without being accused of craving pussy. And frankly all that talk of pussy would make anyone hungry for some. Its like they're literally setting you up to go fuck a girl.
I'm not bisexual, I am a straight man who occasional has the odd hook-up with dudes, ya know when my wife is on the rag and won't put out. But I'm totally straight, all my sexual fantasy revolve around chicks. I even vote republican.
I only occasionally have sex with dudes out of no strings attached convenience.
That's outrageous R46. No amount of moral turpitude on your part could justify voting republican. Kill the fucker.
Liar R45. Gay men don't even think about pussy.
Here come the fags to ruin a bi thread again. I eat pussy. I might let you suck my cock if you beg me enough. Live with it!
R41 here. I forgot to say that I'm a bi male. So see, we do exist.
Ofcourse its the effeminates who have most beef with us. See r41/50. The psychos actually think they are in a contest with women and it scares them stiff because they cant out-fem a woman.
To the queens: you are special just the way you are. We just think women are hot too.
Willie lied about being bisexual.
I will NEVER understand the simple minded people who think because THEY have not experienced something it does not exist.
[quote]I'm not bisexual, I am a straight man who occasional has the odd hook-up with dudes, ya know when my wife is on the rag and won't put out. But I'm totally straight, all my sexual fantasy revolve around chicks. I even vote republican. I only occasionally have sex with dudes out of no strings attached convenience.
You're straight, yes, but a mental case too.
Ignore the trolls. And yes they probably fit the description "girly-men".
Girly men dont want to believe in the existence of bisexuals
Bi guys are just weird, creepy, self-obsessed, narcissistic sluts. End of.
ROFL at a gay man calling anybody a slut. In the late 80s I watched guys in one single circle of friends die off. Why? Coz they were all secretly fucking each other whilst publicly in monogamous relationships.
Yawn! Why do gays hijack everything on DL thats not about them???
Shaking my head at bitter queens!
You guys, I think we need to take an Oprah's Master Class from the DL African-Americans thread to get this disaster of a thread back on track. Just ignore the trolls - like, anything that sounds like a drunk email from your ex or a Dan Savage column from 1999, you're not obligated to respond to.
bi is hot
Me gustan bisexuals
Don't knock it if you haven't tried it, be it gay or straight sex.
Bi female here, using the thread for its original purpose. I am a few years out of a long term (over ten years) relationship with a woman, where I was cheated on. Now I find myself craving only guys. I remember this happening once before in the other direction; that time was after a longte relationship with a guy, and then I only wanted to date women. I am definitely bisexual, out for many years, no struggles with my sexuality to speak of.
Yet I am fundamentally incapable of fancying both sexes at the same time - I truly seem to alternate - in terms of sexual and romantic attention. What's more, when I am in a monogamous relationship with a guy, I don't crave women on the side (if anything I am vaguely attracted only to other men on the side), and the exact sane thing happens in a monogamous relationship with a woman (only attracted to women, but only vaguely because as said I never cheat).
Do other bisexual people experience this? Girl phases and guy phases? At the moment, for example, I am single and I find myself only fancying guys and ideally it would "double my chances for a date on a Saturday night" (quote from Woody Allen?), but my brain+clit just won't work that way. It's one or the other.
The only way I truly think someone is a bisexual is if they can have a relationship with either sex. Most people can fuck someone of the opposite/same sex if they try hard enough.
You mixed up your terms. You can't be, "mostly straight". You're a bisexual person who is mostly heterosexual. Straight is something else entirely.
I'm right in the middle, a 3. I'm heterosexual and homosexual. This has always been and will never change. I'd be mixing terms if I called myself equally straight and gay.
R69: speaking about myself: i get what you are saying
As usual, the bisexual deniers don't know the meaning of the word.
I was watching a Richard Dawkins video on You Tube and while he doesn't think there are many male bisexuals, he stated that the certain things that are no longer necessary (killing sabre toothed tigers, maybe) may have taken another direction into determining sexuality. Dawkins also said that he thought homosexuality or bisexuality might have evolved for survival reasons like the dad of the family leaving the women and children to be protected by the gay uncle. It was an interesting theory by the noted evolutionist/atheist.
tv needs more healthy bisexual characters
I only seek and date bisexual dudes. With large biceps, who love football!
My first impression of bisexuality as a kid was my older cousin vehemently expressing her irritability regarding this group: “They should just make up their minds,” she said in that authoritative way slightly older kids use with slightly younger kids.
We were runts, then, but implicit in her statement was a sentiment not uncommonly held by society at large, beyond preteens: the sense that bisexuals are such by choice, that they are somehow overly voracious or greedy in their sexuality, that this is just a temporal phase.
And there’s some difficulty fighting those preconceptions. For starters, bisexuality can be a transition period for some people. Some find it helpful to identify as bisexual for a while as they try to work out what works for them and what doesn’t. But that isn’t to say there aren’t many, many others who identify as bisexual their entire lives.
On the flip side, more liberal supporters of the sexuality spectrum sometimes claim, “Oh, but we’re all a little bisexual!” But that too is misleading. To casualize or trivialize bisexuality is to erase the experiences of those who truly consider themselves bisexual and have had the struggle of learning to accept and live their non-monosexual lives; or maybe they have never come out and still struggle with internalized biphobia.
A 2013 Pew Research Center report on a nationally representative sample of self-identified LGBT Americans found that while bisexuals comprise a very large chunk of the LGBT community, they are far less likely to be open about their sexual orientation: 77 percent of gay men and 71 percent of lesbians in the study had informed the most important people in their lives, whereas only 28 percent of bisexuals reported the same.
This is problematic because coming out is extremely important for personal well-being (studies show that coming out of the closet lowers rates of depression) as well as for societal politics. People who know gay/lesbian/transgender folk are more likely to be accepting of gay/lesbian/transgender folk. The same applies with bisexuals. And though some of the lesbian/gay community may scoff at bisexuals — “You’re actually just gay but sitting on the fence,” or, “You’re just looking for attention” — bisexuals coming out as a distinct group would actually do the gay/lesbian community good. By giving bisexuals as much public acceptance as gay men and lesbians, larger society will no longer conflate the groups; they won’t bring forth that one bisexual guy who used to date a guy but now dates a girl as evidence that homosexuality can be “fixed.”
But coming out as bi is sometimes hard to come to terms with because people experience their bisexuality in many different ways. As Anna Pulley on Salon wonders, “What if you’ve slept with a number of women, but only see yourself ending up with a man? What if you’ve never had a same-sex experience, but exclusively fantasize about it? What if you’re 99 percent gay, but would go straight for Beyonce in a heartbeat?”
And then there are issues with terminology. Many people simply don’t like the word “bisexual,” viewing it as too entrenched in the gender binary. Even if someone is explicitly only attracted to men and women, the term “bisexual” feels polarizing to me, as if I were torn between the extremes of man and woman. It implies an equal attraction for men and women, when really a bisexual simply has the ability to be attracted to both men and women. Many are attracted to one sex more than the other; it just depends on the individual. In my case, if I were asked to compare apples and oranges to quantify my bisexuality, as imperfect as such a comparison might be, I’d say I tend to enjoy my sexual experiences with female-bodied folk better and like to romance men better.
And if we’re looking to escape the binary, there are pansexuality, polysexuality, omnisexuality, sexual fluidity … all distinct from bisexuality by definition, though they’re often reduced to the term. At this juncture, many get frustrated and question the need for all the labels. Why bother putting a single word onto something as nebulous and intrinsic as sexuality and bisexuality, anyway?
Though I agree to some extent, I also think it’s important to mobilize even if it is under a word as potentially problematic as “bisexual.” As much as I like the umbrella term “queer” as a unifying agent for nondominant gender and sexual identities, there is something to be said for standing up as bi/pan/omni/whatever identity it is that you feel fits you best. There is a reason newscasters often still say “gay and lesbian communities.” The fluid folk and the rest of the queer community are still often marginalized in the discourse. And like it or not, labels help broadcast what you’re looking for if you’re queer.
As times and mindsets change, new terms will surely emerge — the word “homosexual” didn’t even exist until the late 19th century and wasn’t in a dictionary until the mid-20th century. There are a lot of ways to experience your sexuality. Name it whatever makes you happy. As for me? I’ll stick to “fluid.”
I find that many men are bisexuals, probably just as many as are gay or mostly gay. I just speak from experience, I've been hit on by many married or supposedly straight men in my lifetime, and I'm in my early 30's (I'm pretty good looking and friendly). I can't attest to whether these bi guys are 50/50 or 80/20, but there are plenty out there. I'm 80/20, mostly like men, but if I see a beautiful women with a hot bod I look. If I'm horny I'd do her, but not my preference for sure.
Lot of heteroflexible dudes
I'm not bi so I have a question that someone here might be able to answer. I was watching the Australian version of big brother. One of the girls came into the house in a monogamous relationship with a woman. However within a couple of weeks it became apparent she was attracted to one of the guys and soon started an intense emotional relationship with him that still exists to this day.
When she was questioned about her sexuality by another housemate, she replied that when she's with a woman she considers herself a lesbian and when she is dating men she considers herself bi.
Did she mean that when she's with women she doesn't feel the need to sleep with men, but when she's with men she occasionally has to go out and sleep with women or perhaps bring a woman into bed with her and her boyfriend? Or is it not about sex at all?
I know that no one can speak on her behalf, but it has baffled me since she said it. But is anyone here only bi when involved with one sex but not the other and if so what does it mean sexually, emotionally etc.
Do bi dudes date each other?
As part of the new edition of Bi Any Other Name, the classic anthology of bisexual writings that Loraine Hutchins and Lani Ka'ahumanu edited almost 25 years ago, there's a new introduction that looks at where we were around bisexuality when the book was first published in 1991 and where we stand today. For me, their editor, one of the more surprising statistics they cite is the fact that no national LGBT organization has an openly bisexual board member. Finding this difficult to believe, I said, "Surely the Human Rights Campaign or Lambda Legal has bisexual board members." Not one openly bisexual board member, they told me. Yes, there was a bisexual woman they knew of on a national board, but she chose not to come out as such. As much as we know that the closet is a sad place, and while I personally frown on closeted gay people in most instances, I could relate to not wanting to disclose all of who you are, sexually speaking, when you're already dealing with the ongoing, daily hassles around just being gay. Who wants to add another layer to one's outsider status, especially within one's own community? In fact, I found it completely understandable that someone would serve on the board of a national LGBT organization and remain closeted about their bisexuality, because I did it myself.
Until speaking with Loraine and Lani, I hadn't really thought of myself as closeted, since I've never self-identified as bisexual in the first place, even though that's the truest name for what I am. And why would I self-identify as such when, if you lined up all the men I've been with end to end, they would reach to the moon and back, while my experiences with women are so limited that they could be written about on the back of a postcard? Besides, I often have a hard-enough time relating to the priorities of the mainstream gay community that I could only imagine what a bisexual community, for all its own complexities, might look like.
James Baldwin once said, "I've loved a few women, and I've loved a few men." As dubious as his claim sounds, considering the source, I can say that I have indeed loved a few women, but the math around men in his statement would have to be adjusted to account for the fact that there has been some form of a gay bathhouse in almost every city I've lived in or visited for the past 25 years. For me that's the tough part: squaring these numbers and still being able to call myself bisexual. Or as playwright Arthur Laurents once said about Gore Vidal's alleged bisexuality in the face of his self-avowed boy-a-day routine, "The numbers speak for themselves." Numbers, it would appear, do matter and, if nothing else, seem to serve as a reliable indicator of the primary object of one's affections, but is that really the case?
Now, I realize that there are many people in the gay community who subscribe to the Arthur Laurents school of sexual labeling. I too once believed that numbers speak for themselves. But the problem, I've learned, is that numbers alone don't paint a complete picture. In other words, is the number of same-sex partners any of us has had the best measure of our sexual orientation, or is there more at play? This is not an abstract, philosophical question for me; it's what I asked myself once I became romantically involved with a woman 10 years after coming out as gay.
I met her at a dinner party in San Francisco. I don't know that I was aware right away that I was physically attracted to her -- certainly I knew she was beautiful, but I was just as impressed by her intelligence, unbridled humor, and the talent evidenced in the first novel she'd just published. The dinner host, a book reviewer and a lesbian, had invited us because she'd just reviewed both of our new books and wanted to meet. What started out as a kind of Will & Grace coupling over coffee dates and afternoons browsing bookstores soon became more, much to our mutual surprise.
I'd had a couple of girlfriends, briefly, before I came out, so this development didn't come as a total surprise -- to me anyway; to everyone else it seemed the equivalent of discovering I could walk on water. I think "fascination" is the word I'd apply to the rapt attention I received from friends and colleagues who knew me as a gay man with a colorful past. Was I serious? people seemed to wonder. How in the world would I make it work?
You may be wondering how all those men I mentioned, the ones reaching to the moon and back, fit into the equation. So did a lot of people. The most frequent curiosity expressed -- either directly or indirectly, since it wasn't always an easy question to ask or answer -- was how I could go from casual encounters with so many men to a monogamous relationship with a woman. I still don't have an answer for that except to say I was committed to my partner and that our sex life was as good as if not better than most of the sex I'd had with men, so much so that it took about a year before I even started to miss relations with guys, but not enough to seek them out.
My partner and I got engaged, though a wedding date wasn't ever set. We also started planning for a child, something that excited us. But of course I wondered what a kid coming up with a gay father would make of my relationship with his or her mother, or what other children would say if they found out. I didn't have to worry. My partner called off the engagement after some months, feeling it was too soon after her divorce. She'd had no time to process her feelings from that breakup and sometimes brought unresolved issues into our relationship. In fact, she also called off our relationship of two and a half years at the same time for these reasons.
There's a reason I haven't addressed my bisexuality publicly till now. From the time I first came out, the gay community at large hasn't been a place where I felt comfortable or confident expressing who I really am without the risk of being ridiculed or derided. I listened to what gay men and lesbians thought, quite openly, about bisexuals (fence-riders, basically, who enjoy heterosexual privileges while partnering with members of one's own sex). As far as I was concerned, I was a gay man who was attracted to women, but I've seldom come out about that for fear of becoming an outsider among outsiders. I didn't trust that even my gay male friends (or especially my gay male friends) would relate, and most of all, I didn't want any of my women friends -- mostly lesbians -- to ever think my fondness for them was anything but platonic. So what accounts for the difference now?
Thinking about my conversation with Loraine and Lani and what reissuing their book meant to me on a personal level, I started to feel that maybe for the first time I was hiding who and what I am, if only to avoid dealing with people's unpredictable reactions. Then there's the concern over making statements that may upset gay people, such as the fact that, in an unfortunate, backwards way, the horrible and blatantly false statements the right wing makes about us ("He hasn't met the right woman," "Being gay is a choice") for me are accurate to a degree: Until meeting my partner, you could say I really hadn't met the "right" woman, and living an exclusively homosexual romantic life for me really is a choice, one I gladly make.
When I call myself bisexual, I'm opening myself up to other people's interpretations -- favorable or not -- of what that means to them. I don't especially want to seek out a bisexual subculture, because I don't think I'd feel at home there. Nor do I want to take part any longer in self-definitions that limit me as being something that I'm not, namely homosexual. You may ask why that's important to me -- isn't it a fine line in my case anyway? I guess I'd say it's about desire: who and what I desire versus who and what I'm expected to desire. Surely gay people can relate to that: Isn't coming out about declaring who and what we desire in the face of who and what we're expected to desire? Said differently, I'd like to be free to consider myself a gay man who's fundamentally bisexual or a bisexual who's primarily gay. I don't know that it matters which I choose, or if I choose. What matters to me is coming to the most authentic expression of who I truly am and living from that place, openly. Besides, in the end, whatever we call ourselves, isn't it about love anyway?
I am sure Loraine and Lani did not do any research to find out if there were any bisexual board members at various groups.
Meghan McCain, for example, is on the board of GLAAD is she not?
The Religious Institute, a multifaith organization dedicated to advocating for sexual health, education, and justice in faith communities and society, has released a guidebook for inclusive religious spaces of those with fluid sexualities. The guide book, Bisexuality: Making the Invisible the Visible in Faith Communities, aims to aid congregation’s minister to bisexual people and their families.
This first of its kind book urges faith leaders to break the silence on bisexuality and fully welcome bisexual people into their congregations. It's particularly timely because while the LGBT movement has seen great progress in recent years— with marriage equality taking center stage — even that conversation has largely been limited to couples in which both partners identify as gay or lesbian. There has been little to no conversation on same-sex or opposite sex marriages in which one or both individuals identify as bisexual, nor larger attention paid to other issues of relevance to bisexual people.
Questions that the guidebook aims to answer include: How can a congregation become welcoming and inclusive of bisexuals? What does Scripture say about bisexuality? Can a minister or rabbi be openly bisexual and serve a congregation?
“The invisibility and even direct silencing of bisexual people can lead to great harm,” said Marie Alford-Harkey, co-author and deputy director of the Religious Institute. “In the silence, bisexual people are left wondering who will stand with them. Both in the faith world and the LGBT world there are great gaps in understanding. This guide can help religious and movement leaders to serve the whole community.”
It’s a multi faith compilation full of stories and resources that’ll help religious communities take the necessary steps towards full inclusion of sexual and gender minorities.
“It took me decades to see that I am bisexual—a person capable of enduring, intimate relationships with either a man or a woman,” said Rev. Janet Edwards, a leader in the Presbyterian Church (USA), which recently voted in favor of same-sex marriages. “Bisexual people often feel like strangers among lesbian, gay, and transgender communities as much as among straight people. Our fullness can quickly get lost — even more so in the faith world. This guide will help congregations build healthy faith communities where bisexual people will feel embraced as God’s beloved children. I rejoice in its completion and hope many use it.
the horn and the half-moon
Bisexuals are like the tooth fairy.
The one thing, the one indelible fact, the total truth about bisexual men no matter how mostly gay or how mostly straight they are, the one indisputable thing is everyone of them values straight sex, straight relationships, straight life far and beyond their value of gay men and their same sex relationships.
I have never met a bi guy (even the closeted bi guys pretending to be gay,) that values gay men or gay sex with the same reverence and pride they hold for women and straight sex. And then they have the gall to play victims and cry biphobia when a gay man calls them out on it.
I've never seen a great white shark.
So they must not exist.
Bisexuals are confused and bad news.
My bisexuality has always made me suffer because it's very strange (I'm a woman btw).
I am exclusively sexually attracted to women but not emotionally. I love eating pussy but would never have a relationship with another woman.
With men it's the opposite: I have fallen in love with multiple men in my life but am unable to fully enjoy sex with them. They just bore me sexually and I find dick unattractive.
How the hell am I supposed to have a relationship with someone that is both emotionally and sexually fulfilling?
Maybe go for a diesel dyke, r98, that is pretty much a man with a vag.
Not interested R99. I only like feminine women and masculine men.
Sounds like you're out of luck then.
Do bisexual men like femme guys? Could they be attracted to a guy with breasts and a big ass?
We need to find Josh Thomas a reliable boyfriend...
To the DL bisexuals: do you view your bisexuality as a blessing or a curse? Or do you think of it in more neutral terms, as simply part of who you are?
R104 it is who I am, neither blessing nor curse.
R103 I like masculine men, I would rather be celibate than let a femme guy near me, that said, I prefer feminine women.
R103 I love shemales.
We need a Random Hot Bisexuals Thread with pics.
For me it's a curse because I am never completely satisfied with a man or a woman. :(
y Kate Hakala | Nerve
Today marks the 15th annual Celebrate Bisexuality Day — a day dedicated to bringing respect, visibility, and awareness to all people who identify as having fluid identities. Since more than half of the LGBT community is comprised of bisexuals (1.8 percent of the total American population), it's important to give recognition to a group that includes people of all gender identities from cis to trans and sexual orientations from queer to pansexual. We're talking everyone from Anna Paquin, to Cynthia Nixon, Chirlane McCray, Tom Daley, Angelina Jolie, Billie Joe Armstrong, Megan Fox, Clive Davis, Megan Mullally, Andy Dick, David Bowie, and Lady Gaga. Bisexuality can sometimes feel like a largely invisible orientation because of its historic neglect and ridicule in both the media and sciences. Often times, bisexuality can be portrayed as "greedy," "a bridging mechanism" to homosexuality, or worse, "imaginary." All of which, of course, are inaccurate. In honor of bisexual visibility, Nerve took a look back at landmark scientific investigations which discussed both the validity and invalidity of bisexuality through the decades. This is how we got from Alfred Kinsey to Tom Daley.
1886 — The Bisexual Pressure Point
The early case studies of Richard von Krafft-Ebing, author of the seminal work Psychopathia Sexualis, found that most bisexual-identifying men have sex with women due to societal pressures, but in truth have sexual attraction primarily to men. While his theories proved to be problematic, Krafft-Ebing's findings would be utilized in research on homosexuality and bisexuality throughout the 20th century.
1940s — Introducing the Kinsey Scale
Alfred Kinsey, 20th century sex researcher, declared in his 1948 work Sexual Behavior in the Human Male that "46 percent of the male population had engaged in both heterosexual and homosexual activities, or 'reacted to' persons of both sexes, in the course of their adult lives." As for women, Kinsey found between 6 and 14% of women have homosexual experiences in their past. The results were groundbreaking. Kinsey had developed his own scale to accommodate his belief in sexual fluidity — ranging from 0 (heterosexual) to 6 (homosexual) and found many landed somewhere in between. Kinsey brought forth the notion of sexuality lying on a continuum. Bisexuality, instead of being directly in the middle of homosexuality and heterosexuality, could identify those with varying degrees of sexual attraction over time. "Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual," he wrote. "The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats."
1979 — Is Bisexuality Different from Homosexuality?
A 1979 study of 30 men found that those who identified themselves as bisexuals were indistinguishable from homosexuals on measures of arousal while viewing different erotic material. "In terms of physiological arousal, the erectile responses of the homosexual and bisexual groups were indistinguishable, a finding which questions the existence of male bisexuality as distinct from homosexuality or as a different sexual orientation in males," the study concluded. Over 25 years later, a disturbingly similar study would be published.
1994 — Bisexuality as a Way to Come Out
A 1994 survey published by The Advocate, a gay-oriented magazine, found that, before identifying as gay, 40 percent of gay men had described themselves as "bisexual." Which means, according to this well-publicized survey, almost half of all bisexual men were actually just gay, thus cementing the idea that bisexuality was a transitional stage or a safer way of coming out of the closet. While this transitional bisexual stage is true of some bisexual identifying men and women, this cultural narrative set things back for bisexuality being seen as its own distinct orientation. Pundits Andrew Sullivan and Dan Savage have been criticized for statements reaffirming that bisexuality is just a stop before gay for many.
2005 —Bisexual Men Don't Exist
In 2005, researchers at Northwestern University shook things up when they claimed the 1.7 percent of men who identified as bisexual were perhaps mistaken. Or, in the words of Carrie from "Sex and the City," "I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it's just a layover on the way to Gay Town."In the study, a team of psychologists measured genital arousal patterns of bisexual men in response to erotic imagery of both men and women. The results showed that men who identified as bisexual were often exclusively aroused to either men or women (not both), and were most often exclusively sexually aroused by men.The study was conducted with 33 bisexual men and largely sourced subjects from publications in gay-oriented newspapers. Still, the study made hundreds of newspapers, like the famous New York Times headline: "Straight, Gay, or Lying?" which inferred that orientation was either dichotomous or fallacious. Men who continued to be attracted to both genders were understandably confused by these findings.
2008 — Bisexuals Are Mostly Women
About 1.5 percent of American women identify themselves as bisexual. And, for whatever reason (some studies suggest sexual fluidity in women is an advantage for child rearing), bisexuality appears easier to demonstrate in the female sex. A 10-year longitudinal study published by researcher Lisa Diamond in 2008 attempted to test out the "transitional theory" — that bisexual women would eventually get together with men after a series of college experimentations. The study found that at the end of the 10 years, more women adopted bisexual identities than relinquished them. Bisexual women also had stable distributions of arousal to men and women in genital arousal studies. In fact, women who report the highest sex drives also identify as being attracted to both men and women rather than just exlusively men or women. You can throw the "putting on a show for the boys" idea out the window.
2011 — Actually, Bisexual Men Do Exist
In 2011, Northwestern University came back and apologized for the six years it had rejected the validity of an entire sexual orientation and bisexual men's experience. Their 2005 study had mainly sourced participants from gay mags, but this time around, the researchers found subjects who identified as bisexual and who had both sexual and romantic relationships with both men and women. While watching videos of female and male same-sex encounters, the bisexual men doing the study were aroused all around. All combinations of videos gave them boners. Meaning, bisexual men were just what they said they were: bisexual men. Why did this study and not the study from 2005 validate bisexuality? The study sample was more accurate and took into account a key part about sexuality: it's complex. Physical arousal is only one component of sexual orientation. Romantic attraction, emotional intimacy, and perceived attraction also play a large role in who we're attracted to — it's not just purely boners hooked up to machines. Many bisexuals were both relieved and sort of offended by the new findings.
2013 — Bisexuals Have It the Hardest
In an interview with The Daily Beast, Cynthia Nixon once said, "I don’t pull out the “bisexual” word because nobody likes the bisexuals. Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals." Nixon isn't ready to identify as bi, despite the fact that she is attracted to both genders. And Nixon's feeling of rejection from outside communities might have a lot to do with the overall prejudice against bisexuals. A 2013 survey conducted by the University of Pittsburgh found that of 1,500 people surveyed, 15 percent of the respondents did not believe bisexuality was a legitimate sexual orientation. Straight men were the most likely to have negative attitudes towards bisexuals, while female bisexuals were seen more favorably than male bisexuals. Another surprising finding? Those who identified as gay or lesbian also responded less positively to the idea of bisexuality than those who were bisexual. Bisexuals can feel marginalized by even those within the LGBTQ community. These feelings of isolation can lead to high instances of substance abuse, depression, and risky sexual activity, the study reported. The historical belief that bisexuality is an invalid identity is not just more prevalent than you might think, it's also incredibly damaging. By changing our own framing of the orientation — from something "weird" or "confused" or "experimental" to a legitimate identification, we can change the underlying social and scientific prejudice against bi-identifying individuals. Because let's face it, everyone. Bisexuality exists and it's wonderful.
Alan Cumming has said he never felt there was “something wrong” with him when he realised he was bisexual.
The 49-year-old Perthshire-born star, famous for his roles in X Men, The Good Wife, and his hit Broadway version of Macbeth, spoke on Larry King Now this week how he came to terms with his sexuality.
He said: “Yeah I mean I’ve always been bisexual. I had a boyfriend before I was married and I’ve always sort of felt I was bisexual.”
Cumming married his husband Grant Shaffer in 2007. He was previously married to Hilary Lyon from 1985–1993.
He added: “Amazingly, in a funny way, I never had any shame about sexuality – I just never did. I never felt it as wrong.
“I felt at certain times it was going to be difficult because people weren’t very receptive to it but I never felt it was something wrong with me.”
Cumming said that despite the world coming to terms with gay and lesbian sexuality, it had still a way to go to fully grasp bisexuality.
“There’s been kind of a fad where people think bisexual means he’s gay but just not comfortable with it yet. Or you’re just, you know, a whore,” he said.
Last week, Alan Cumming reacted to Shia LaBeouf’s claim that he was only arrested in a New York theatre because Cumming is too “sexy”.
He said: “I think he was just really messed up. He didn’t apologise, but he explained it last week – I thought that was a very good thing.
I only am attracted to bisexual dudes. More masculine than gay guys
Why were there so many bisexual heroes in the 1970s (including Robert A. Heinlein's Lazarus Long), and was bisexuality viewed as "futuristic"? More to the point, why did bi heroes mostly vanish throughout the 1980s and 1990s, and what brought them back? Erotic science fiction author and Circlet Press publisher Cecilia Tan explains.
This erotica book might actually be the year's most dangerous science fiction anthology
The best short fiction has an element of danger to it. You should fear for the protagonists — but… Read more
Tan has an indispensible history of bisexuality in science fiction, over in Lambda Literary. She talks about the rise of bi characters in the 1970s, and the recent spate of bi heroes, including Captain Jack on Doctor Who and Torchwood. Here's the relevant part about the 1970s:
Lazarus Long went bi at the same moment in popular culture when bisexuality was equated with avant garde–perhaps futuristic–social attitudes. Bisexuality as an identity or orientation existed so far outside the monosexual "norm" that David Bowie's public image was cemented as not only bisexual, but alien from outer space. (Bowie would much later explain in interviews that he latched onto bisexual identity as a way to shock the mainstream and give himself street cred, but despite a well-documented dalliance with Mick Jagger, he eventually settled into lifelong heterosexuality.) Science fiction literature of the 1970s used bisexuality as a signifier of outsider/other, alien, or futuristic status. Samuel R. Delany's Dhalgren (1975) uses the sexuality of "The Kid" as well as many other narrative elements to dislocate the reader from the status quo. Many of Marion Zimmer Bradley's characters in her Darkover books are bisexual, in particfular the Darkovans (as opposed to the Terrans from Earth, who are more "like us.") Joanna Russ's The Female Man was written in 1970 but published in 1975 and intertwines elements of bisexuality with deep thinking about gender and gender roles. Another thinky example from the time is David Gerrold's The Man Who Folded Himself (1973), where the homoerotic aspects enter with the idea that time travelers can have sex with themselves. Even the not-so-thinky but just as subversive Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) runs in this gestalt track of bisexual-as-other.
The whole thing is well worth reading — did you know that George R.R. Martin wrote a novel with a bisexual female main character (Nightflyers), but it was made into a movie where she was "straight-washed"?
On May 17, 2004, town clerks in Massachusetts, under order from then-Gov. Mitt Romney, began issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. The state was the first to do so in the country, sparking intense media coverage, including profiles of the pioneering gay, lesbian, and bisexual partners who said “I do” for the first time with a state’s blessing.
Among the first to tie the knot and receive such coverage were Robyn Ochs and Peg Preble, who had been in a relationship for seven years before lining up at the Brookline City Hall to take part in history. The Washington Post wrote glowingly of the newlyweds on their special day, noting the motorcycle the couple sped off on with a “Just Married” sign attached to its back, as a “newfound blue was breaking through” the cloudy sky.
Yet the Post and many other major outlets mislabeled the couple, calling them a “lesbian pair.” Ochs, a scholar of gender and sexuality, identifies as bisexual, and the error marred the otherwise happy proceedings.
“I am happy to be grouped with lesbians. Queers too,” Ochs would later write in an essay titled “What’s in a Name.” “But it is important to me that I be seen in full: past, present, and potential future; internal and external, and that no part of me be obscured or erased.”
Over a decade later (and just last week), the U.S. Supreme Court heard oral arguments in marriage cases out of four states, consolidated under Obergefell v. Hodges, which may soon decide the fate of nationwide marriage equality. But this same problem Ochs vocalized, known more broadly as bisexual erasure, still exists. And it could get worse.
The terms “bisexual” and “bisexuality” were not mentioned once in the transcripts of these historic proceedings, which debated whether the U.S. Constitution permits an American to marry a partner of either sex, and whether states must recognize legal same-sex marriages from other states. In comparison, the word “gay” was mentioned 28 times in the first session of the oral arguments alone.
Mary Bonauto, an attorney speaking on behalf of all the combined plaintiffs, invoked the word in her opening remarks to argue for same-sex marriage.
“If a legal commitment, responsibility and protection that is marriage is off limits to gay people as a class, the stain of unworthiness that follows on individuals and families contravenes the basic constitutional commitment to equal dignity,” she said.
The mainstream media echoed this rhetoric in its coverage of the proceedings. The New York Times titled piece from its editorial board “A Landmark Gay Marriage Case at the Supreme Court,” and routinely favors “gay marriage” in lieu of "same-sex marriage" in its reporting. Politico, The Huffington Post, Rolling Stone, the Bloomberg news service, and the Chicago Tribune are just a few of the other major outlets that also favored “gay marriage” in headlines last week.
By framing the issue of marriage equality as a gay issue, are the media and courts lessening the aforementioned “equal dignity” of bisexual people? Does excluding bisexuals from the current conversation hurt the LGBT rights movement? And is it really a big deal to mislabel a person or a union when the larger issue of same-sex marriage is at stake?
The answer to these questions is yes, according to Faith Cheltenham, the president of BiNet USA, the nation’s largest bisexual advocacy group.
“The bisexual erasure that’s gone hand-in-hand with [marriage equality] has been devastating,” Cheltenham says. “It speaks to the lack of awareness that media professionals in mainstream magazines, newspapers, and blogs have about bisexual identities.”
Mislabeling LGBT people in the media can be harmful in many respects, Cheltenham says. It can affect the health and well-being of the entire LGBT community. Underreporting on the number of bisexual people — which estimates say may constitute more than half of the LGBT population — affects HIV rates in official government reports or youth suicides reported by national LGBT organizations or the number of tallied hate crimes.
Moreover, bi erasure in the media engenders biphobia, as it signals that bisexuals are not supported, affirmed, or important enough to warrant mention. This in turn perpetuates cycles of discrimination, depression, and suicide.
Thus, when nationwide marriage equality comes to the United States — as early as this year, by optimistic speculations — it will bring with it a flood of reporting and a corresponding deluge of opportunities for error. To help stem bi erasure and its consequences, Cheltenham offered tips for the media in its coverage, many of which are also outlined in BiNet USA’s media guide.
Overall, language is key. Cheltenham cautions against using terms “gay marriage” and “gay and lesbian couples,” especially in headlines.
“It causes a massive amount of mental stress … [and] sends the wrong message to the mainstream community that we are OK with the term ‘gay’ as an umbrella term,” she says. "Leave that particular branding in the dust. It’s really important to refer to the fight for marriage as ‘marriage equality.’”
Unsure of a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity? Ask the individual and the couple how they would like to be identified in print, in order to avoid the “lesbian pair” error faced by Ochs and Preble.
“Same-sex couple,” not “gay couple,” should be the default language in cases when asking is not a possibility. And avoid defamatory terms such as “bi-curious” or “down low” and misspellings of bisexual like “bi-sexual” or “BiSexual.”
Also, when reporters refer to the LGBT population, Cheltenham recommends that they strive to spell the acronym out at least once, so that readers will see the word “bisexual.” President Obama made history when he did this in January, becoming the first president to say “bisexual,” “lesbian,” and “transgender” during a State of the Union — a major win for visibility, which would not have occurred if he had just said “LGBT.”
In addition to employing the appropriate language, the media can commit to making a greater effort at promoting bisexual visibility. An easy way to accomplish this would be to address the bisexuality of major public figures and celebrities. For example, Angelina Jolie’s bisexuality is almost never mentioned in the media, leading to missed opportunities for education. Some studies show that lesbian and bisexual women are at a higher risk for cancer, which was nearly absent from the public discussion that occurred when Jolie came out as high-risk for the illness and about her decision to undergo preventative surgery.
“I find that many bi and lesbian women don’t know the data about cancer,” Cheltenham says. “Is that something the marriage equality movement has also dismantled — this approach to LGBT health that is all-encompassing and all-inclusive?”
The marriage equality movement — in the courts as well as the court of public appeal — has been advanced largely by the argument of sameness. Or the “We're just like you, straight people!” argument, as Cheltenham terms it, even as HIV rates among young gay and bi men skyrocket, trans women of color face what advocates call an “epidemic” of murder, and employment discrimination remains a reality for all LGBT people.
In conversations with the media and among the different parts of the LGBT population, organizations should be unafraid to note the differences among the components. By doing so, they can more adequately address these issues in order “to see a fairer, more just world for everyone,” Cheltenham says.
In the meantime, conversations about bisexuality can also help the marriage equality movement. BiLaw, the first ever national organization of bisexual-identified lawyers, filed an amicus brief in support of the marriage equality cases now before the U.S. Supreme Court.
In the brief, BiLaw makes the excellent argument that bans on same-sex marriage “are, at their core, a form of sex discrimination. This discrimination is pervasive on the face of marriage statutes, which define marriage in terms of sex; moreover, sex discrimination is the most acute form of discrimination suffered by bisexuals because they are denied marriage rights only when they have fallen in love with someone whom their state views as the wrong person.”
In an op-ed for The Advocate, BiLaw says the amicus brief “argues that the legacy of bisexual erasure in LGBT rights litigation denies the sexual orientation of many plaintiffs before the court,” whose bisexual identities have not been reported by the media. The brief also points out that bisexual erasure “ignores the unique role that bisexual identities play in the court’s equal protection analysis.”
Chief Justice John Roberts employed this logic in last week’s oral arguments for same-sex marriage. “If Sue loves Joe and Tom loves Joe, Sue can marry him and Tom can’t. And the difference is based upon their different sex,” he reasoned. “Why isn’t that a straightforward question of sexual discrimination?”
Why isn’t it, indeed?
"Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it ... You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"
We are switching to the new platform for The DataLounge this weekend. All of our mobile users have been using it for over a week and all first time users have been using it for about a month - which adds up to well over one million users. So we're ready to end this phase of the testing and move everybody to the new site. (more)
And yes, we've changed the look and some of how it operates.
Yes, we know you just *hate* it in well in advance.
Yes, we know we suck.
Yes, we are the biggest suckers that ever sucked.
But it was time for a change and with the huge shift to mobile it was long overdue. We've taken this opportunity not only to update the look but also make major changes under the hood (or "bonnet" if you're either British or pretentious or both). And we have to prepare for 2016 - a presidential election year where we can normally expect to see a 60% jump in traffic (yes, we've seen 5 presidential elections so far…Christ we're old).
The site has a bunch - nay, plethora - of new features which will make the site more usable: better search, the ability to ignore posters and threads, see link previews, to pick up a thread where you left off, spam and malware filtering and more.
If you want you can go explore and see for yourself, Click here.
And while running the tests we've noticed two interesting reactions to the new system - people are spending more time on the site and more people that come stay around longer and look at more stuff. Both good things. Yay!
Possibly we've not slain all the dragons and there will be issues that come up during the switchover. There's a help button in the lower right hand corner of the page which you can use to send us bug reports.
Please include as much information about the hardware (PC, Mac, Tablet, Phone etc), operating system (Windows, Mac OS, Android, iOS etc) and browser (Chrome, Safari, Opera, Internet Explorer etc) that you are using as possible to help us replicate and fix the problem.
Please note that complaints about colors, fonts, icons and the like are not "bugs" - they are design choices that we've made and we expect one or two cases of world-class bitching. But they won't actually cause headaches, scurvy, heart attacks, Restless Leg Syndrome, Morgellon's Disease or the vapors (but have your smelling salts at hand just in case).
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