Yes a safe haven for us ..All you Fags get out please and let us Bi guys get to talk about the important issues
I'm a mostly straight guy. Can I be here?
R10 yes you can be
Existing bisexual here. Ok, what do we do?
lets talk about how life as a bisexual is
I for one always wonder how it would be like to be gay or straight ..
I'm not bisexual though. I'm mostly straight.
MS = Mostly Straight
mostly straight = bisexual still
I define as "genderqueer" and resist the phallocentric rigidity of binary labels.
Apparently we spend a page trying to figure out what to do.
I'm bisexual, but mostly gay. There's not enough there to make it worth pursuing a relationship with a woman, but I'm sure as hell not going to pretend that I'm gay and the sex I have had in te past with women was somehow before I really became gay.
LOL thats because the faggy troll's are trying to ruin it
No I've never wondered that, r15. I guess because I spent too much time trying to convince myself in my head I was one or the other even though it never felt right and I know I'm not. That's great for you, r19. I don't think bisexual has to be binary reinforcing though. I've heard it used to refer to anyone who isn't attracted to just one gender/sex and to any degree. But everyone should identify how they want to identify. So more power to you, "mostly straight" guy.
I define as mostly straight too. OK, so now could someone explain to me why so much hostility from the gays? My gfs have been fairly ok to very enthusiastic about my orientation. The gays.....ya know.
i think society makes it so difficult to accept yourself and for the earlier and for some the most of our lives we struggle to find out who we are
i for one had crushes on guys from the age of 7 . i never did think i was gay but yet again i lived in a society where "gay" didnt exist in the sense that it was a taboo .
then in my teens i started getting strong attraction to females and i was like what the hell if going on where is this coming from
i mean my attraction is not 50/50 i feel trying to put a percentage on it is a waste of time ..i believe sexuality is fluid and complex at the same time and not as black and white as many deem it to be
a couple of weeks ago i kissed a guy i thought i was very attracted to and it did nothing to me ,made me think i wasnt into guys anymore but i realized its just more of a ..less of an attraction sometimes and more other times
another thing is that mutual masturbation and probably a blowjob is as far as i am willing to go sexually with a guy .i have tried anal sex , receiving and giving and lets just say it wasnt for me
idk, r24, I don't want to answer for gay people or make generalizations about all of them, just like some of them might make generalizations about us. I've encountered the 'nothing against you, but I personally don't want to date a bisexual' line pretty often, as well as the 'bisexuals are cheaters who are going to leave you to marry a straight girl' stereotype, which I think has to do at least partly with the fact that bisexuality is more visible when someone is switching between a partner of one sex to a partner of another - and the association gets made in people's minds.
Thanks for sharing your story, r25. I often wonder if it doesn't take bisexual people on average longer to figure themselves out and come out to themselves than others. Because if there are few rolemodels for gay people in society, I think there are even fewer for bisexuals. Growing up I just assumed, no, I can't be gay, I have this crush on a girl in my class. And I didn't finally come out as bi until my mid twenties. I still catch myself second guessing myself if I haven't been attracted to a guy for a while. Then some hot new coworker will be introduced at work and I'll be reduced to a blushing, stammering mess. And I'll be like, yeah, still bi. fwiw, I've never been that into penetrative sex with men or women either, but I think that has to do with other intimacy and trust issues I have separate from my sexuality. I know a lot of gay people who are not that into it either.
r26 its me 25 ... we bisexuals almost have no role-models at all and i go through the same thing . i still second guess myself all the time ..sometimes for a while i wont have attraction to girls then i meet this one girl and my heart starts pounding fast and everything associated and im like yeah im still bi.
i dont know if its because somewhere mentally we think its just a phase that will pass by and eventually we will just pe attracted to one gender..but its a phase that never passes.
i will say that being bisexual is not easy at all..i wish it was simple and i was just into one side but it doesnt work like that.
but sometimes i also think its cool that i find bother genders attractive
Good for you, r21! You're being sensible about it, unlike most here.
R26, I actually once read a scientific article that said it tends to take bisexuals longer to figure themselves out and come out.
I didn't take long to roughly figure myself out and I had no major problems with self-acceptance yet I constantly second guess myself.
Bi now, gay later.
The diagram is simple- find a hole of the appropriate diameter and stuff something in it.
I didn't realize I was bisexual until I was in my thirties. I spent my twenties in lesbian bars and didn't meet many straight men.
When I experienced my first full-blown (no pun intended) attraction to a man I thought something was wrong with me.
I dated and had kids with a female. The sex was good but not great. I told her I was bisexual from the beginning. I swear I think it turned her on.
Now we're friends and I can't imagine going back to women.
My teenage son has been acting out since I've partnered with a man, but that's another thread.
@R24: I honestly think it has to do with jealousy. Gays are mad at the fact that bisexuals are more readily accepted into society in general. Its abit like the squables between light skinned and dark skinned black people, with the dark skinned believing that the others have it easier.
I also think that because we are more easily assimilated by straights, alot of self-hating gays hide amongst us.
Personally, I may have one night stands with gay guys but I would only run a relationship with a bi man. I just think gay men are far too bitter and paranoid over bisexuality to handle a relationship with one.
R26, who complained about the lack of bisexual role models, might find this book about bisexuality in art and popular culture interesting. It was first published in 2000, so some of the references are dated, but the chapters on Harlem bisexuals in the 1920s and 1930s and various artist communities are very good.
Funny. I have never been conflicted about being bi. I've met guys who thought I should be but I like that I can find beauty in men and women. And yes I agree R34 - alot of envious gays out there.
Blah blah blah R34, you say shit like that but the fact is you'd fuck anything that moved, including dogs and horses.
Is this thread still here? I must be dreaming. Perhaps if I click my heels together three times...
There's no place like reality,
There's no place like reality,
There's no place like reality...
bisexuals, aka "BS"
Too funny. If there's anybody who doesn't deserve the Bisexual label it's BS
I'd like to hear from bi men. I'm curious!
I'm bisexual too. I once had a girlfriend in high school. She was my high school sweetheart. We were even nominated homecoming queens.
[quote]I'd like to hear from bi men.
You'd have better luck hearing from a Sasquatch or alien life forms.
HA! Good one, R42. In fact, bisexuals should be on that Diet Dr. Pepper commercial, with the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and Leprechauns.
This thread should be more like the African Americans thread, including bi gossip.
Bi male here - Although I can sleep with either, I agree with whoever said that dating gay men is drama. You literally cant go an hour without being accused of craving pussy. And frankly all that talk of pussy would make anyone hungry for some. Its like they're literally setting you up to go fuck a girl.
I'm not bisexual, I am a straight man who occasional has the odd hook-up with dudes, ya know when my wife is on the rag and won't put out. But I'm totally straight, all my sexual fantasy revolve around chicks. I even vote republican.
I only occasionally have sex with dudes out of no strings attached convenience.
That's outrageous R46. No amount of moral turpitude on your part could justify voting republican. Kill the fucker.
Liar R45. Gay men don't even think about pussy.
Here come the fags to ruin a bi thread again. I eat pussy. I might let you suck my cock if you beg me enough. Live with it!
R41 here. I forgot to say that I'm a bi male. So see, we do exist.
Ofcourse its the effeminates who have most beef with us. See r41/50. The psychos actually think they are in a contest with women and it scares them stiff because they cant out-fem a woman.
To the queens: you are special just the way you are. We just think women are hot too.
Willie lied about being bisexual.
I will NEVER understand the simple minded people who think because THEY have not experienced something it does not exist.
[quote]I'm not bisexual, I am a straight man who occasional has the odd hook-up with dudes, ya know when my wife is on the rag and won't put out. But I'm totally straight, all my sexual fantasy revolve around chicks. I even vote republican. I only occasionally have sex with dudes out of no strings attached convenience.
You're straight, yes, but a mental case too.
Ignore the trolls. And yes they probably fit the description "girly-men".
Girly men dont want to believe in the existence of bisexuals
Bi guys are just weird, creepy, self-obsessed, narcissistic sluts. End of.
ROFL at a gay man calling anybody a slut. In the late 80s I watched guys in one single circle of friends die off. Why? Coz they were all secretly fucking each other whilst publicly in monogamous relationships.
Yawn! Why do gays hijack everything on DL thats not about them???
Shaking my head at bitter queens!
You guys, I think we need to take an Oprah's Master Class from the DL African-Americans thread to get this disaster of a thread back on track. Just ignore the trolls - like, anything that sounds like a drunk email from your ex or a Dan Savage column from 1999, you're not obligated to respond to.
bi is hot
Me gustan bisexuals
Don't knock it if you haven't tried it, be it gay or straight sex.
Bi female here, using the thread for its original purpose. I am a few years out of a long term (over ten years) relationship with a woman, where I was cheated on. Now I find myself craving only guys. I remember this happening once before in the other direction; that time was after a longte relationship with a guy, and then I only wanted to date women. I am definitely bisexual, out for many years, no struggles with my sexuality to speak of.
Yet I am fundamentally incapable of fancying both sexes at the same time - I truly seem to alternate - in terms of sexual and romantic attention. What's more, when I am in a monogamous relationship with a guy, I don't crave women on the side (if anything I am vaguely attracted only to other men on the side), and the exact sane thing happens in a monogamous relationship with a woman (only attracted to women, but only vaguely because as said I never cheat).
Do other bisexual people experience this? Girl phases and guy phases? At the moment, for example, I am single and I find myself only fancying guys and ideally it would "double my chances for a date on a Saturday night" (quote from Woody Allen?), but my brain+clit just won't work that way. It's one or the other.
The only way I truly think someone is a bisexual is if they can have a relationship with either sex. Most people can fuck someone of the opposite/same sex if they try hard enough.
You mixed up your terms. You can't be, "mostly straight". You're a bisexual person who is mostly heterosexual. Straight is something else entirely.
I'm right in the middle, a 3. I'm heterosexual and homosexual. This has always been and will never change. I'd be mixing terms if I called myself equally straight and gay.
R69: speaking about myself: i get what you are saying
As usual, the bisexual deniers don't know the meaning of the word.
I was watching a Richard Dawkins video on You Tube and while he doesn't think there are many male bisexuals, he stated that the certain things that are no longer necessary (killing sabre toothed tigers, maybe) may have taken another direction into determining sexuality. Dawkins also said that he thought homosexuality or bisexuality might have evolved for survival reasons like the dad of the family leaving the women and children to be protected by the gay uncle. It was an interesting theory by the noted evolutionist/atheist.
tv needs more healthy bisexual characters
I only seek and date bisexual dudes. With large biceps, who love football!
My first impression of bisexuality as a kid was my older cousin vehemently expressing her irritability regarding this group: “They should just make up their minds,” she said in that authoritative way slightly older kids use with slightly younger kids.
We were runts, then, but implicit in her statement was a sentiment not uncommonly held by society at large, beyond preteens: the sense that bisexuals are such by choice, that they are somehow overly voracious or greedy in their sexuality, that this is just a temporal phase.
And there’s some difficulty fighting those preconceptions. For starters, bisexuality can be a transition period for some people. Some find it helpful to identify as bisexual for a while as they try to work out what works for them and what doesn’t. But that isn’t to say there aren’t many, many others who identify as bisexual their entire lives.
On the flip side, more liberal supporters of the sexuality spectrum sometimes claim, “Oh, but we’re all a little bisexual!” But that too is misleading. To casualize or trivialize bisexuality is to erase the experiences of those who truly consider themselves bisexual and have had the struggle of learning to accept and live their non-monosexual lives; or maybe they have never come out and still struggle with internalized biphobia.
A 2013 Pew Research Center report on a nationally representative sample of self-identified LGBT Americans found that while bisexuals comprise a very large chunk of the LGBT community, they are far less likely to be open about their sexual orientation: 77 percent of gay men and 71 percent of lesbians in the study had informed the most important people in their lives, whereas only 28 percent of bisexuals reported the same.
This is problematic because coming out is extremely important for personal well-being (studies show that coming out of the closet lowers rates of depression) as well as for societal politics. People who know gay/lesbian/transgender folk are more likely to be accepting of gay/lesbian/transgender folk. The same applies with bisexuals. And though some of the lesbian/gay community may scoff at bisexuals — “You’re actually just gay but sitting on the fence,” or, “You’re just looking for attention” — bisexuals coming out as a distinct group would actually do the gay/lesbian community good. By giving bisexuals as much public acceptance as gay men and lesbians, larger society will no longer conflate the groups; they won’t bring forth that one bisexual guy who used to date a guy but now dates a girl as evidence that homosexuality can be “fixed.”
But coming out as bi is sometimes hard to come to terms with because people experience their bisexuality in many different ways. As Anna Pulley on Salon wonders, “What if you’ve slept with a number of women, but only see yourself ending up with a man? What if you’ve never had a same-sex experience, but exclusively fantasize about it? What if you’re 99 percent gay, but would go straight for Beyonce in a heartbeat?”
And then there are issues with terminology. Many people simply don’t like the word “bisexual,” viewing it as too entrenched in the gender binary. Even if someone is explicitly only attracted to men and women, the term “bisexual” feels polarizing to me, as if I were torn between the extremes of man and woman. It implies an equal attraction for men and women, when really a bisexual simply has the ability to be attracted to both men and women. Many are attracted to one sex more than the other; it just depends on the individual. In my case, if I were asked to compare apples and oranges to quantify my bisexuality, as imperfect as such a comparison might be, I’d say I tend to enjoy my sexual experiences with female-bodied folk better and like to romance men better.
And if we’re looking to escape the binary, there are pansexuality, polysexuality, omnisexuality, sexual fluidity … all distinct from bisexuality by definition, though they’re often reduced to the term. At this juncture, many get frustrated and question the need for all the labels. Why bother putting a single word onto something as nebulous and intrinsic as sexuality and bisexuality, anyway?
Though I agree to some extent, I also think it’s important to mobilize even if it is under a word as potentially problematic as “bisexual.” As much as I like the umbrella term “queer” as a unifying agent for nondominant gender and sexual identities, there is something to be said for standing up as bi/pan/omni/whatever identity it is that you feel fits you best. There is a reason newscasters often still say “gay and lesbian communities.” The fluid folk and the rest of the queer community are still often marginalized in the discourse. And like it or not, labels help broadcast what you’re looking for if you’re queer.
As times and mindsets change, new terms will surely emerge — the word “homosexual” didn’t even exist until the late 19th century and wasn’t in a dictionary until the mid-20th century. There are a lot of ways to experience your sexuality. Name it whatever makes you happy. As for me? I’ll stick to “fluid.”
I find that many men are bisexuals, probably just as many as are gay or mostly gay. I just speak from experience, I've been hit on by many married or supposedly straight men in my lifetime, and I'm in my early 30's (I'm pretty good looking and friendly). I can't attest to whether these bi guys are 50/50 or 80/20, but there are plenty out there. I'm 80/20, mostly like men, but if I see a beautiful women with a hot bod I look. If I'm horny I'd do her, but not my preference for sure.
Lot of heteroflexible dudes
I'm not bi so I have a question that someone here might be able to answer. I was watching the Australian version of big brother. One of the girls came into the house in a monogamous relationship with a woman. However within a couple of weeks it became apparent she was attracted to one of the guys and soon started an intense emotional relationship with him that still exists to this day.
When she was questioned about her sexuality by another housemate, she replied that when she's with a woman she considers herself a lesbian and when she is dating men she considers herself bi.
Did she mean that when she's with women she doesn't feel the need to sleep with men, but when she's with men she occasionally has to go out and sleep with women or perhaps bring a woman into bed with her and her boyfriend? Or is it not about sex at all?
I know that no one can speak on her behalf, but it has baffled me since she said it. But is anyone here only bi when involved with one sex but not the other and if so what does it mean sexually, emotionally etc.
Do bi dudes date each other?
As part of the new edition of Bi Any Other Name, the classic anthology of bisexual writings that Loraine Hutchins and Lani Ka'ahumanu edited almost 25 years ago, there's a new introduction that looks at where we were around bisexuality when the book was first published in 1991 and where we stand today. For me, their editor, one of the more surprising statistics they cite is the fact that no national LGBT organization has an openly bisexual board member. Finding this difficult to believe, I said, "Surely the Human Rights Campaign or Lambda Legal has bisexual board members." Not one openly bisexual board member, they told me. Yes, there was a bisexual woman they knew of on a national board, but she chose not to come out as such. As much as we know that the closet is a sad place, and while I personally frown on closeted gay people in most instances, I could relate to not wanting to disclose all of who you are, sexually speaking, when you're already dealing with the ongoing, daily hassles around just being gay. Who wants to add another layer to one's outsider status, especially within one's own community? In fact, I found it completely understandable that someone would serve on the board of a national LGBT organization and remain closeted about their bisexuality, because I did it myself.
Until speaking with Loraine and Lani, I hadn't really thought of myself as closeted, since I've never self-identified as bisexual in the first place, even though that's the truest name for what I am. And why would I self-identify as such when, if you lined up all the men I've been with end to end, they would reach to the moon and back, while my experiences with women are so limited that they could be written about on the back of a postcard? Besides, I often have a hard-enough time relating to the priorities of the mainstream gay community that I could only imagine what a bisexual community, for all its own complexities, might look like.
James Baldwin once said, "I've loved a few women, and I've loved a few men." As dubious as his claim sounds, considering the source, I can say that I have indeed loved a few women, but the math around men in his statement would have to be adjusted to account for the fact that there has been some form of a gay bathhouse in almost every city I've lived in or visited for the past 25 years. For me that's the tough part: squaring these numbers and still being able to call myself bisexual. Or as playwright Arthur Laurents once said about Gore Vidal's alleged bisexuality in the face of his self-avowed boy-a-day routine, "The numbers speak for themselves." Numbers, it would appear, do matter and, if nothing else, seem to serve as a reliable indicator of the primary object of one's affections, but is that really the case?
Now, I realize that there are many people in the gay community who subscribe to the Arthur Laurents school of sexual labeling. I too once believed that numbers speak for themselves. But the problem, I've learned, is that numbers alone don't paint a complete picture. In other words, is the number of same-sex partners any of us has had the best measure of our sexual orientation, or is there more at play? This is not an abstract, philosophical question for me; it's what I asked myself once I became romantically involved with a woman 10 years after coming out as gay.
I met her at a dinner party in San Francisco. I don't know that I was aware right away that I was physically attracted to her -- certainly I knew she was beautiful, but I was just as impressed by her intelligence, unbridled humor, and the talent evidenced in the first novel she'd just published. The dinner host, a book reviewer and a lesbian, had invited us because she'd just reviewed both of our new books and wanted to meet. What started out as a kind of Will & Grace coupling over coffee dates and afternoons browsing bookstores soon became more, much to our mutual surprise.
I'd had a couple of girlfriends, briefly, before I came out, so this development didn't come as a total surprise -- to me anyway; to everyone else it seemed the equivalent of discovering I could walk on water. I think "fascination" is the word I'd apply to the rapt attention I received from friends and colleagues who knew me as a gay man with a colorful past. Was I serious? people seemed to wonder. How in the world would I make it work?
You may be wondering how all those men I mentioned, the ones reaching to the moon and back, fit into the equation. So did a lot of people. The most frequent curiosity expressed -- either directly or indirectly, since it wasn't always an easy question to ask or answer -- was how I could go from casual encounters with so many men to a monogamous relationship with a woman. I still don't have an answer for that except to say I was committed to my partner and that our sex life was as good as if not better than most of the sex I'd had with men, so much so that it took about a year before I even started to miss relations with guys, but not enough to seek them out.
My partner and I got engaged, though a wedding date wasn't ever set. We also started planning for a child, something that excited us. But of course I wondered what a kid coming up with a gay father would make of my relationship with his or her mother, or what other children would say if they found out. I didn't have to worry. My partner called off the engagement after some months, feeling it was too soon after her divorce. She'd had no time to process her feelings from that breakup and sometimes brought unresolved issues into our relationship. In fact, she also called off our relationship of two and a half years at the same time for these reasons.
There's a reason I haven't addressed my bisexuality publicly till now. From the time I first came out, the gay community at large hasn't been a place where I felt comfortable or confident expressing who I really am without the risk of being ridiculed or derided. I listened to what gay men and lesbians thought, quite openly, about bisexuals (fence-riders, basically, who enjoy heterosexual privileges while partnering with members of one's own sex). As far as I was concerned, I was a gay man who was attracted to women, but I've seldom come out about that for fear of becoming an outsider among outsiders. I didn't trust that even my gay male friends (or especially my gay male friends) would relate, and most of all, I didn't want any of my women friends -- mostly lesbians -- to ever think my fondness for them was anything but platonic. So what accounts for the difference now?
Thinking about my conversation with Loraine and Lani and what reissuing their book meant to me on a personal level, I started to feel that maybe for the first time I was hiding who and what I am, if only to avoid dealing with people's unpredictable reactions. Then there's the concern over making statements that may upset gay people, such as the fact that, in an unfortunate, backwards way, the horrible and blatantly false statements the right wing makes about us ("He hasn't met the right woman," "Being gay is a choice") for me are accurate to a degree: Until meeting my partner, you could say I really hadn't met the "right" woman, and living an exclusively homosexual romantic life for me really is a choice, one I gladly make.
When I call myself bisexual, I'm opening myself up to other people's interpretations -- favorable or not -- of what that means to them. I don't especially want to seek out a bisexual subculture, because I don't think I'd feel at home there. Nor do I want to take part any longer in self-definitions that limit me as being something that I'm not, namely homosexual. You may ask why that's important to me -- isn't it a fine line in my case anyway? I guess I'd say it's about desire: who and what I desire versus who and what I'm expected to desire. Surely gay people can relate to that: Isn't coming out about declaring who and what we desire in the face of who and what we're expected to desire? Said differently, I'd like to be free to consider myself a gay man who's fundamentally bisexual or a bisexual who's primarily gay. I don't know that it matters which I choose, or if I choose. What matters to me is coming to the most authentic expression of who I truly am and living from that place, openly. Besides, in the end, whatever we call ourselves, isn't it about love anyway?
I am sure Loraine and Lani did not do any research to find out if there were any bisexual board members at various groups.
Meghan McCain, for example, is on the board of GLAAD is she not?
The Religious Institute, a multifaith organization dedicated to advocating for sexual health, education, and justice in faith communities and society, has released a guidebook for inclusive religious spaces of those with fluid sexualities. The guide book, Bisexuality: Making the Invisible the Visible in Faith Communities, aims to aid congregation’s minister to bisexual people and their families.
This first of its kind book urges faith leaders to break the silence on bisexuality and fully welcome bisexual people into their congregations. It's particularly timely because while the LGBT movement has seen great progress in recent years— with marriage equality taking center stage — even that conversation has largely been limited to couples in which both partners identify as gay or lesbian. There has been little to no conversation on same-sex or opposite sex marriages in which one or both individuals identify as bisexual, nor larger attention paid to other issues of relevance to bisexual people.
Questions that the guidebook aims to answer include: How can a congregation become welcoming and inclusive of bisexuals? What does Scripture say about bisexuality? Can a minister or rabbi be openly bisexual and serve a congregation?
“The invisibility and even direct silencing of bisexual people can lead to great harm,” said Marie Alford-Harkey, co-author and deputy director of the Religious Institute. “In the silence, bisexual people are left wondering who will stand with them. Both in the faith world and the LGBT world there are great gaps in understanding. This guide can help religious and movement leaders to serve the whole community.”
It’s a multi faith compilation full of stories and resources that’ll help religious communities take the necessary steps towards full inclusion of sexual and gender minorities.
“It took me decades to see that I am bisexual—a person capable of enduring, intimate relationships with either a man or a woman,” said Rev. Janet Edwards, a leader in the Presbyterian Church (USA), which recently voted in favor of same-sex marriages. “Bisexual people often feel like strangers among lesbian, gay, and transgender communities as much as among straight people. Our fullness can quickly get lost — even more so in the faith world. This guide will help congregations build healthy faith communities where bisexual people will feel embraced as God’s beloved children. I rejoice in its completion and hope many use it.
the horn and the half-moon
Bisexuals are like the tooth fairy.
The one thing, the one indelible fact, the total truth about bisexual men no matter how mostly gay or how mostly straight they are, the one indisputable thing is everyone of them values straight sex, straight relationships, straight life far and beyond their value of gay men and their same sex relationships.
I have never met a bi guy (even the closeted bi guys pretending to be gay,) that values gay men or gay sex with the same reverence and pride they hold for women and straight sex. And then they have the gall to play victims and cry biphobia when a gay man calls them out on it.