Why do so many of you hate your parents? Brothers? Sisters?
I love my parents and my brothers and sisters. They're certainly not perfect, and they made A LOT of mistakes while raising us, but I love them to death. I'm going to be so sad when they die.
So, do any of you love your parents despite their many flaws? Brothers? Sisters?
Of course OP, the Dataloungers are always great people that have been wronged by others.
I was very fortunate as well. Terrific parents who remained as dear friends our entire lives. One bad sheep brother who died. I didn't like him, his death was unfortunately a good thing for all concerned, but I loved him.
I'm also fortunate enough to have had wonderful loving parents whom I adore. Pops died a few months back aged 85, Mum's a year younger and they raised four of us on hardly any money but there was lots of love and respect. My three older sisters are my best friends in the world too. All very Walton Mountain, but you catch my drift!
I love my family too. My sisters are great. My brother can be a pain but I love him anyway. I genuinely believe that most parents do the best job they know how to do with varying degrees of success. My parents didn't always get it right, but our mother in particular threw herself into raising us. She has loved us unconditionally. I can't hold her mistakes against her. Every intention she had was good.
I come from a close family, so I love my parents and my sister.
This is nice. Can we stop now, you know, before ..
My mother is a controlling bitch who has worn everyone in our family out, including me.
I hate my parents because they were both severely abusive assholes. One of them even went to prison for abusing me and my siblings.
My parents tried changing me (my sexuality) as a child by making me go to therapy, church fellowship, join basketball camp and play all kinds of team sports that I absolutely fucking HATED, and on and on and ON. None of this was forced onto my brothers, only me. I am 32 years old now and I can honestly say I still hold a ton of anger and hate towards my parents for all of that. Instead of supporting me and encouraging me to be myself and explore my own talents and interests they made my childhood a living mother-fucking hell.
Right on time R7. We were expecting you.
My sister is a wonderful woman who is respected by all and has a very nice husband and kids.
She's made a point of paying a lot of attention to her children. Our parents are smart, interesting people, but not very affectionate.
One of my siblings elder abused one of my parents and that parent died 2 weeks afterward. Said sibling now sits, alone, in the family home that they strong-armed my parent to leave to them in the will.
I HATE THAT SIBLING WITH A HOT PASSION and would have hurt them bad but I have a dislike of even thinking about prison, so they lucked out.
And no bitches, I don't give a damn about the house which is a money-pit. I hate that they basically killed my parent and got away with it.
I hate my parents because they refused to buy me a purse that matched my fabulous shoes!
Have fabulous parents and siblings - I know it's not a 'choice' at all, but I wish that it could be this way for everyone. We're very close and I can't imagine my life without them.
Why are there so many homeless people? Why don't they just go rent an apartment? It doesn't make any kind of sense!
Let's see... Where should I start?
I don't hate Brothers and Sisters but it has gone downhill.
Our family is somewhat crazy but I love them like nothing else. I've had an idyllic childhood with unconditional love from our parents and sister. The only dark point is my beloved father dying when I was a child.
My sister is great, even if we don't always see eye to eye. Everyone in my family reacted very good to my coming out including my grandparents. Honestly I'm glad to have the family I have, even when our Christmas dinners aren't always peaceful.
If you were lucky enough to have parents that "made mistakes" but weren't abusive, then good for you.
Now shut up.
I don't get why people are poor. There are jobs out there! Just apply for one.
Don't these people get it?
I don't hate any of them but I don't love any of them either. No happy memories of growing up in a dysfunctional family where no one was close to anyone else -- nothing dramatic like abuse, just lack of interest in each other. We're all happier apart & avoid spending time together.
I come from a large family. I'm talking well over a dozen kids. I get along great with all of them, except one that is bipolar and he refuses to get help. No one else in the family gets along with him. I loved my parents and come realize how great people they were. My mom especially. Such a sweet loving person.
R20, did you get lost on the way to file your biweekly unemployment compensation?
You were told to shut up, R23.
mhb, we're all stunned that your childhood damaged you. Stunned.
I always thought Dolly summed up the family best.
When it's family, you forgive them for they know not what they do
When it's family, you accept them, 'cause you have no choice but to
When it's family, they're a mirror of the worst and best in you
And they always put you to the test
And you always try to do your best
And just pray for God to do the rest, when it's family
Some are preachers, some are gay
Some are addicts, drunks and strays
But not a one is turned away, when it's family
Some are lucky, others ain't
Some are fighters, others faint
Winners, losers, sinners, saints, it's all family
And when it's family you trust them and your heart's an open door
When it's family, you tolerate what you'd kill others for
When it's family, you love and hate and take, then give some more
Somehow you justify mistakes, try to find some better way
To solve the problems day to day, in the family
You take the trouble as it comes and love them more than anyone
Good or bad or indifferent, it's still family
You choose your lovers, you pick your friends
Not the family that you're in, nah
They'll be with you 'til the end, 'cause it's family
And when it's family, you forgive them for they know not what they do
When it's family, they're a mirror of the worst and best in you
When it's family, when it's family
Let me be all that I should be to the family
My sister has Asspergers, but was the favored one, my mom has been clinically depressed and narcissistic since I can remember, and my dad had PTSD from WWII and beat me with an army strap.
R2 elaborate, please.
I hate my parents because they refused to buy me black cha cha heels! I wanted those goddamn shoes!
I see Dataloungers as divided roughly into thirds on this:
1/3 hate their parents and/or siblings and blame their every shortcoming and poor decision on them
1/3 are weepy old sad sacks who love their parents all too much. Well into their 50s or older, they start bawling at the prospect that someday their parents might actually die, "Oh, if only I could die before them to spare myself the pain..."
1/3 fall somewhere between these extremes of love and hate, lead lives in which every thought, every sentence is not punctuated with "Mother" and "Father", and rush to unburden themselves on any thread remotely to do with something about families.
In the big scheme of things, I've been lucky.
I was close to my mom and she was pretty perfect as a mom. Never controlling, never critical. Dad….well, my dad is a gruff guy, but he's always been there when it counted.
Discipline? Hell, if anything I wish my parents had given me more.
I love my family, and there is no deep animosity. And they love me.
But in some ways, we are strangers. When I came out and pursued what I needed and wanted in my life, I took a very different path. So we've not ever been super, mega close in that way. We don't talk every day. I see them a few times a year.
But we are there for each other. One of my sisters died last year and we all drew together and supported each other.
So it ain't always Walton Mountain and perfection. But I feel pretty damn lucky. Knowing the abuse and control issues many others have had, I am damn lucky.
Guess I'm the watered-down average. My parents were imperfect but essentially good parents. I neither worship them nor hate them.
Personally, whenever someone over 30 bitches about their evil parents and siblings I drop them like a hot potato. People under 30 get a pass because at that age you are still figuring things out but at some point you just have to get over things and grow up. The people who hurt you are sad damaged people.
What are THESE?!? I asked for cha-cha heels! Black ones!!
R33, you are justified in avoiding relationships of any kind with people over 30 who have problems with their relatives.
There's no reason at all you should choose to be friends or have intimate relationships with people who have difficult family members.
But you may be wrong to assume there is something wrong with them.
Try having a drug-addict brother who is bankrupting your elderly parent 1,500 miles away.
Or try having divorced parents, one of whom harasses and intimidates the other 30 years after their divorce, even though he is remarried and has children and a full life with the new wife.
Try having an alcoholic parent who refuses to accept that you want no contact with him and who gets information about you from siblings, other relatives and old friends, and calls you at work.
It is understandable you may choose not to have such a person in your life.
It is not necessarily reasonable or justified for you to imply there is something maladjusted or immature about people who have not resolved those kinds of family issues by age 30.
Sorry r35, but you don't get it. We all have relatives who, every now and then make us sigh and say "Here we go again" but when it's part of your casual conversation.. When someone seizes on every possible occasion to vent about family members, then they also have something wrong with them.
My family's powers of denial are very strong, as you find in many families in which there is abuse.
So, it took me until my 30s to figure out there was a lot about my childhood that wasn't "normal."
I think if I'd gotten angry sooner / when I was younger, I would not have felt is as strongly.
I love my parents and my siblings.
I grew up hating my dysfunctional family and so did most of the people I ever felt close to.
I admit I cannot truly imagine what it's like to grow up with love, trust, and emotional support.
Consequently, I find it odd and a little troublesome when I meet adults (over 30) who are still close with and even dependent upon family members. I question if they can think independently.
My parents were far from perfect, but as an adult I see that they did the best they could under the circumstances. They both grew up during the depression, and adopted kids when they were in their late 30's, (in the 60's). So the rules that they learned their parents were way outdated by the time we hit the age where we were getting in trouble. They were overly strict and as a kid in the 70's it was rough for both them and myself. I loved my parents, despite their faults (as I saw them).
My brother on the other hand I hate like I have never hated anyone. It scares me sometimes how much and deeply I hate him. Now that both of my parents are dead I'll probably never see him, and I can work on letting go of this crap that I've carried for so long. I'm not going to go into why I hate him, but the hate IS deserved. Tho I know I should have worked to drop it earlier, I looked at it as a way of keeping myself safe from him.
I think it's also easier to let go of bad feelings towards people when there have been consequences for their bad behavior.
But, this doesn't always happen. My father and his wife are perfectly awful people, yet they have very nice lives and things keep getting better for them. And, they have successfully pushed the idea that other family members are "the crazy ones."
So, yes, I find them hard to take.
Contrast that with some kids from school who bullied me mercilessly. They have paid for their mistakes and furthermore have actually apologized to me. I don't bear them even the slightest trace of ill will (and in fact feel very bad for them when they suffer a setback.)
Sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child.
[quote]When someone seizes on every possible occasion to vent about family members, then they also have something wrong with them.
But that's not what you wrote at R33. You said:
[quote]whenever someone over 30 bitches about their evil parents and siblings I drop them like a hot potato.
It's one thing if an adult is obsessed with resentments and anger about old wounds and events from their childhood.
But when people are dealing with a current family situation, they sometimes talk about it with their friends.
If you don't want to remain friends with them, that's your option, but it's unnecessarily hostile and probably inaccurate to imply "they also have something wrong with them."
Oooh, IN YOUR FACE, r33!
My father sexually abused my sister, beat my mom and all us kids and terrorized the entire family. My older brother wore glasses and once threw a quarter at him, hit his eyeglasses ad broke them
My mother pitted the children against each other and has a low IQ. Probably reads at a 5th grad level. She favored my younger brother and gave all her money to him.
I can go on with more stories....please OP don't be so naive.
Based on this thread and several others, I think a lot of DataLoungers need a lot of therapy. And I don't mean that as an insult.
There just seems to be a lot of people who stay in family relationships, or romantic relationships, out of obligation.
If someone is abusive, or hateful, or toxic, you've got to define boundaries and stand your ground. And if the other person doesn't respect them, you should walk away from the relationship.
It will hurt like hell and you'll feel guilty and obligated - thus the therapist to help you work through that process and understand you are taking care of yourself.
@30 you're a bitch, and F you.
@46 we've had therapy, thankyouverymuch!
My mother used the wrong fabric softener and it made my clothes itchy.
We speak only to our mother.
We have not spoken to any of our siblings for 15 years or more.
My older brother felt "displaced" when I arrived.
I realized I don't hate him but I no longer chase his acceptance when it clearly is just not happening.
Don't hate my folks - more deeply irritated by them. Does that count?
My younger sister is a self-righteous asshole and mildly retarted to boot. She doesn't know she's mentally challenged, and my parents never dealt with it. She needs a good smack in the face, I hate her.
I was never abused. Although my parents did make us go to church.
I think a lot of gay people are in denial of how their families really see them. Most of the gay people I know are marginalized by their families because of their sexuality and the fact that they don't have children.
I had very loving and fun parents. Dad lived until he was 96 and Mom was 86. I miss them both very much.
Plus, they left me a $1 million dollar inheritence
Very obvious why r55 loves her parents so much!
So I take it none of you have been molested, mental or physically abused, degraded, suppressed, betrayed, or raised by parents who are failures that manipulate or use other people, including their own family members, for only their 'gains.' Lucky you guys. Their are people out there that have to deal with these circumstances on a day to day basis. If you're lucky enough to have a family the genuinely cares about you keep them close and don't let them go. The rest of us have to fend for ourselves looking and hoping to that someday, dispite all of our trust and family issues that will translate into our relationships, that we will find someone we can truly love and trust.
When I was a teenager, I used to really hate my siblings even worse than the enemies I had made in highschool. I never hated my parents but I felt a huge resentment towards them.
Then as we all got older, we all mellowed out and now I'm actually friends with all of my siblings. We're not super-close like those families that call each other every day and plan holidays together, but we do respect each others advice now and have long and meaningful conversations when we see each other. The time and distance has really helped since I moved away to another city in my 20s.
The resentment I used to feel towards my parents has also melted away and I can truly say that I love them even though we still have major differences in personal beliefs. I now feel very protective of my mom and dad, especially the older they get. I feel like I've become the parent, always asking about their health, if they're eating enough vegetables, getting enough exercise, buying them presents, etc.
I grew up in an alcoholic household. So much chaos and despair. My dad was the drunk, my mom his enabler who eventually became a drunk. My brother became an addict/drunk and I became a drunk. I am sober now; my dad is dead (since 1984) and my mother and brother live together in one of the most toxic relationships on earth. I love them, but keep my distance. They are constantly trying to drag me into their craziness. In order to keep my sanity and sobriety, I limit the amount of time I spend with them.
I love my parents a lot better now that they are dead. I'm sure when my sister dies, our realtionship will vastly improve.
P.S. - but I still love my mom and brother very much and I do worry about them b/c they are still active addicts. Brother has three kids - one with a police record already. Sigh.
I loved my mother so much. She passed away about 10 years ago. She was the one who gave me compassionate (liberal) values and raised me to respect and love others.
My dad, I don't hate, but view as an aquaintance or distant friend. My memories of him from growing up consist of seeing nothing but his legs as he sat in a recliner reading the paper. He was hidden behind the paper. That is my memory of my father.
When my parents divorced when I was a preteen, he walked away from all of us and now he gets uncomfortable if the conversation gets any deeper than "how is the weather". My feelings for him are the same as the feelings for that coworker who never speaks up and never joins the conversation at the water cooler. I don't hate but rather feel complete indifference.
I adore my sister and my mother but i hate, i loathe, i despise my miserable, dirty, fuckingly sick father. I wish i could see him less, but now that is not possible and it poisons my heart.
like they always say, you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you really can't pick your friends noses
I hate my sister. She was the only girl in the family for several generations. She got all of the attention, all of the gifts
I was sent to military school, she was sent to Europe every summer.
If I got a pair of shoes, she got 5 pair.
On a trip I shared a motel with her boyfriend. Dave was his name, a jock, came from the shower naked. I was waiting for my turn and when I returned, naked as he had done, he was laying naked on the bed, his big dick half hard.
I had my sister's boyfriend every night of that trip.
He really did have a big dick, you could never detected it because he tucked it under neath into his crotch.
Some time later I told her he had a big dick, I could tell it excited her
I hate my mother because she's a child molester.
But I hate people who say I should forgive her and be nice to her because she's my mother even more.
I hated my father and was glad he died when I was 13. I used to hate my mother but she mellowed with age is a completely different person now. I love the old, mellowed mom who is very nice to me. Hate my 3 sisters and brother, I've been estranged from all of them for 15 yrs now. I won't be having Thanksgiving with them today, I haven't for 15 yrs.
My father physically and sexual abused my mother and siblings (sexual abuse was towards my sister).
My mother told me I was conceived through rape.
My mother has her loving moments and I do love her, but she's mentally ill and has a low IQ
Suddenly I really, really, love my life.
I love everyone in my family, except my mother. She was a liar, cheater, abuser, narcissist, and the most selfish person I've ever known in my life. She's been dead 5 years and none of us miss her. I have wonderful brothers, which helps make up for it.
Some birth families are nurturing and prepare you to be a healthy, fully functioning adult, which is what a family is supposed to do. Some stunt your growth and cause permanent damage, and how you feel about the people who did this to you is almost beside the point--it happened and you can either try to pretend it didn't happen or it's not as bad as it was, or face it and be honest with yourself and others. I don't believe in forgiving people who don't understand what they've done to you and aren't prepared to admit it and be genuinely sorry and make amends. I don't believe in fighting with them or seeking revenge either. At some point some people just have to walk away from relatives the way you'd walk away from any destructive relationship, for their own well-being. It's not for outsiders to judge because you can't always tell from the outside what's actually gone on or the level of pain and damage involved. And yes, there are sometimes when spending a major holiday alone is a joyous relief.
PLEASE TAKE MY FATHER AWAY!
Again, another reason why I'm glad I'm a prototype WASP. We don't do this love/hate thing.
I love them but they can drive me nuts. They love each other but they drive each other nuts. People in general love them but they drive those those people nuts too.
No, R73, you repress it and have heart-attacks, ulcers, affairs, addictions, and other things over it.
As children,our sister was favored over ourself and our brothers, also our father made fun of our nelliness.
This is why we hate fish.
I think that it might be unseemly to hate my brother, now that he's rotting in hell.
No we don't R75. Maybe drink a little too much and OK maybe affairs. But you crazies who wear every emotion on your sleeve from cradle to grave do those things. In spades. All while on the latest psycho drug. Plus you're usually fat. And what's that phrase? Something about fear of success?
Yes you sound incredibly stable, R79!
I just went through my moms estate court battle with my four older sisters and older brother.
When people ask if I have any family, I say no.
There are the most horrifying scumbags of the planet. I will never speak to them again.
I loved my parents and they did the best they could. Considering they had to deal with these assclown fucksticks as children, it is remarkable that they survived until just recently.
I love m mother (my father died when I was 3) and my sister to death. My 2 brothers, not so much.
It's stirring shit to ask why people might not get along with their parents on a gay board. Naturally, most people here would have strained relationships with their parents. And most people don't get along with their siblings. Sibling relationships are frought with jealousy and competition.
I could have written R21. I don't hate any of them but I also haven't seen any of them in years and don't miss them.
My two brothers are great- especially the one closest in age to me. I have a sister who is just down right nasty. I haven't seen her in 11 yrs and don't really expect to ever again.
My parents are selfish, self-righteous, destructive, Albee-esque freaks, But they don't know it; they think they're the default setting for parents. Once I was out of college I got more and more exasperated with them, and, while I didn't realize it, they were steadily alienating me. My father was especially unbearable, because he likes to try to impose his will on you and then gloats with evil relish, thinking I makes him a big man. I think he's resentful because I became a writer and achieved some minor standing. Can you imagine a father using his own son as a punching bag out of envy? Finally, he pulled one stunt too many, and I snapped and threw him out of my life. So of course that evil bitch my mother injected herself into it, and out she went to. Now, on Thanksgiving, I go to Whole Foods and pick up my turkey dinner at the hot buffet. The stuffing is delicious, and they have the thin little slices of turkey, stragglers from the major carvings, that I love. As the doctor says in Grand Hotel, I waltz alone.
Sorry: "it," not "I." "Too," not "to."
My father makes it so easy to loathe him.
I wish he could be out of my life. He affects me negatively.
My father is an odd guy. I feel affection for him but will never understand him.
I understand him and i hate him and he is odd and repulsive inside.