"I Know, Right?" (2012)- Jennifer Aniston portrays Ambyr Maitland, a recently divorced midwestern Administrative Assistant who heads to New York City to attend the wedding of her college friend Sophie Lipschitz (Kathy Najimy). When the brother of the bride (Adrien Brody), a taxi driver and artist, takes a shine to her, she is torn about whether to return to her mundane life in Nebraska- especially when her ex (Tim McGraw) shows-up in The Big Apple! Also starring Lanie Kazan and Danny DeVito as Sophie's parents. And Mario Cantone as the Wedding Planner.
"It Is What It Is" (2012):
Jennifer Aniston stars as Phillipa Grantham, a fashion stylist who seems to have it all; however, her glamourous life isn't what it seems. While her clients/BFFs may include A-list stars like Tasmin Moore (Zoe Deschanel) and celebutantes like Carissa Grantham (Elizabeth Banks)--who are often her partners in crimes at exclusive events--she yearns for a more meaningful existence. One day, while Phillipa is working with a bride-to-be, Lily Pettigrew (Beth Behrs), she finally realizes what she wants most in life: to marry her longtime (cad) boyfriend! Hilarity and heartache ensue as Phillipa pulls out all the stops to get her financier lover, Royston Manchester (Benedict Cumberbatch) to finally propose.
"Just Let It Happen", what happens when Chelsee Anders the BFF of a closeted A-list movie star (thisclose to being outed by the tabloids) named Chaz Bergman agrees to be his beard and travels back to his small-minded, small-town homestead in the Midwest, only to fall in love with his straight twin brother, Stone. Chaz' flamboyant and resentful boyfriend Todd goes along for the ride. Grandma catches on and tries to play matchmaker, but dies from a stroke, but a happy ending for all.
Jennifer Aniston - Chelsee Anders
Josh Duhamel - Stone/Chaz Bergman (twins)
Betty White - Nana Bergman
Todd - Topher Grace
I would totally watch that, R3.
r3, I hope you copyrighted that plot. It's actually pretty good and can be a 60 million grosser with a 15 million budget
If Jennifer doesn't take any of these offers, I'm available!
All of these roles would be too old for me to play! Got any suggestions for films with leading roles for a fresh-faced and beautiful ingenue?
And after Eesie fails her screen test miserably, call me. I'm no longer tied up with a family illness.
r3, that movie idea is really good and has the potential to be entertaining. Kudos.
Sisters Charlene (Aniston) and Courtney (Academy award nominee Kate Hudson) have been listening to the biological clock ticking for years. So when they both meet the man of their dreams they think their luck is in. But there's a problem: it's the same man!
After finding they're being two timed by a handsome and successful humanitarian campaigner and serial cheat Tom Packer (Hugh Dancy) the sisters decide to make his life hell by teaming up and becoming increasingly demanding and needy, while getting their younger sister Cliché (Katherine Heigl) to make his lovelife even more complicated by dating him as well. But when Cliché falls for Tom, things don't go quite as expected.
Featuring a hilarious cameo from Wanda Sykes a a Rwandan survivor of gang rape.
Thanks for this thread. I wrote a scenario to post, then decided it actually could work, so I saved it and will start fleshing it out this week.
"Labor Day" (2013)
Jennifer Aniston is Lori Lewis, a high-flying magazine editor with a loving boyfriend, fabulous apartment and great life...or so she thinks. Made redundant, and newly single after discovering boyfriend Todd's (Bradley Cooper) "fun" buddy list on his pinterest she packs up her Manhattan loft, heads home to her family in Pittsburgh for the holidays and straight into the arms of high school sweetheart Mark (Timothy Olyphant). Soon, she's due for a big surprise...
Good luck, r11.
Wanderlust was HILARIOUS! Though that has nothing to do with Jennifer Aniston and all to do with David Wain.
R13: For Labor Day to work as one of the holiday-themed rom-coms you'll have to build several other relationship subplots around the Aniston character.
"Pour Me Another" - Jennifer Aniston IS Siobhan Flannery, the spoiled youngest daughter of Chicago beer mogul Dan Flannery (Kevin Dobson in his triumphant return to the spotlight). When Dan and mortal enemy Karl Kzysyzzzysytzkysy (Ed Harris) fight a battle to buy an ailing brewery, Siobhan finds herself drawn to Karl's son Cosmo (Seth Rogan). She and Cosmo grow closer, but Siobhan is stunned when they visit Karl's compound and learn the identity of Karl's lady love - Siobhan's long absent mother Janine (Debra Winger in a triumphant return to the spotlight).
Also featuring Vince Vaughn as Some Random Chicago Guy Who Makes Homophobic Jokes and Pisses Himself, Joan Van Ark as Great-Great-Great-Great Gramma Flannery, and Oprah Winfrey as Siobhan's sassy best friend Sophia. Special Guest Cameos by Katherine Heigl as Whore #2, and Reese Witherspoon as Spawn of Jay Leno.
Music by Whoever Does The Lame Emo Shit They Play During Grey's Anatomy.
Why, you are all as funny as Billy Crystal!
r10 - DYING!!!!!!
This is all classic thread material. Trying to catch my breath.
lol, this thread is genius. You CAN actually imagine a film with the title "I Know, Right" being a Jennifer Aniston film, that's the sad thing.
TRAILER TRASHED Hotshot Architect, Rainey Rails (Jennifer Aniston) has spent her whole life running away from her white trash upbringing but when she inherits the beachfront trailer park where she grew up, she finally learns to value her small town values. Vince Vaughn co-stars as Parker Abney, the rich real estate developer and Brad Pitt plays Bumper Wiggum, the park's maintenance man who has a hidden artistic talent.
This woman is pathetic,no talent,boring ,but posting every day on the WWW
r15 there are a bunch of other sub-plots. Believe me...
[quote]Music by Whoever Does The Lame Emo Shit They Play During Grey's Anatomy.
Bravo r16 THAT made me laugh.
Did you ever wonder if Jennifer Aniston actually cheated on Brad Pitt, long before he cheated on her?
ON GOLDEN-GIRL POND
Jennifer Aniston makes the brave decision to star with her real-life parents, John Aniston and Nancy Dow, in a cathartic, revealing, and-- did I mention brave?-- documentary about how Jen took care of Nancy after her stroke. Even though Nancy didn't deserve it. And John is the nice one. And Jen is so brave.
So very, very brave!
These are hilarious!
Oh No You Didn't! - 2013
Emma (Aniston) and Nicole (Beyonce) have the jobs they always dreamed of, Emma is in costuming and Beyonce does make-up on a top rated sitcom. Although their manic production manager (Eddie Murphy) tries to keep everything on the set professional, Emma wants to embark a romantic relationship with the sitcom's handsome lead Jarrel (Damon Wayons Jr.) Knowing how complicated this kind of relationship might be on the set, Emma asks Nicole to use her makeup skills to turn her black in order to get Jarrel's interest.
Hilarity ensues with Nicole giving Emma lessons on being black, including hood slang, music and sassy attitude. Nicole, meanwhile, also harbors a secret love for Jarrel and initially finds Emma's transformation amusing, however once Emma actually gets Jarrel's attention and they get to know each other, Nicole gets jealous. Bored of the charade, she refuses to take Emma's call one pivotal evening when Jarrel and Emma were due to appear at a swanky social event. Desperate, Emma attempts to do her own makeup and Jarrel discovers the deception, declaring her to be a racist in blackface and not wanting anything further to do with her. Nicole is watching behind a potted plant, and Jarrel keeps her as his escort for the event instead. Realizing that he really loves Emma despite her deception, they reconcile in front of the fountains at Lincoln Center.
A CHRISTMAS PROMISE
When big city financial planner Emily Reardon (Jennifer Anniston) learns that her beloved Grammy Wilson (Vanessa Regrave) is dying, Emily vows not to let her estrangement from her mother (Julianne Moore) stand in the way of a last goodbye.
Uncertain about returning to Goose Lake, Wisconsin for Christmas, Emily is heartened to learn that the residents look past her New York ways and designer fashions, and see only Chet and Doris Wilson’s little girl who always dreamed big.
As she lay dying, Grammy Wilson asks Emily to grant her one wish and to make a promise: to call her former beau Todd (James Marsden)before Christmas and rekindle a flame Grammy knows did not die
With Don Cheadle as the town black person; and Natalie Portman as the local jewess.
This Time It's Me. Tiffany Blake (Jennifer Aniston) is Chicago's hottest professional organizer, but her own life is a mess! Her main business rival is assumed to be gay Freddie Olivier(Paul Bettany), who's only faking to be gay to generate business. When talk show legend Shante La Lique (Mo'nique)let's it be known she's headhunting for someone to organize her life, it's war! A battle of the sexes with love the winner!
[R27], I think we should have none other than Miss Dionne Warwick play Beyonce's mother in that film.
[quote]Emily vows not to let her estrangement from her mother (Julianne Moore) stand in the way of a last goodbye.
Poor Julianne! She's only 9 years older than Aniston!
Oh, R29. Everyone knows there are no black people in Wisconsin!
[R29], Julianne Moore as Jennifer Aniston's mother? How old was she supposed to have been when she gave birth? 10?
Reese Witherspoon was offered the part of Aniston's mother but it was determined that she didn't read as young enough on screen to be believable.
Julianne is an ACTOR! She could play the Don Cheadle role and win a best supporting actress Emmy in the process.
I don't think R27's premise would fly.
Her hair must always be prominently on display... unless she claims it's a weave.
At what point does Jenny become desperate and play a mute hooker in an Oscar bait film with lots of nudity?
God, this thread...lol... I just can't..
"Awake in Reno"
Two sisters Belinda Morrow(Jen Anniston) and Virginia Lansdowne (SJP)..zzzzzzz....zzz..
Movie audiences worldwide
These are good, imagine if you people actually channeled this creativity in reality!
This thread is genius!
You guys are HYSTERICAL!!! I love ALL of these!
Susan (Jennifer Aniston) is a likeable TV actress who loses her husband Chip (James Marsden) to beautiful femme-fatale movie actress Marianne (Halle Berry). At first Susan tries to forget him and go on with her life, but when she realizes that beautiful Marianne is a psycho druggie who's making Chip miserable, she realizes she needs to get Chip back!
Co-starring Robert Pattinson, Ryan Reynolds, George Clooney, and James Franco as the gay pals who act as escorts, while helping her scheme to get Chip back.
(Actually, this would work better with Anne Hathaway.)
R43, I think this is pretty much what a brainstorming session at a big studio is like these days.
The only question is usually: Aniston, Witherspoon or SJP?
That's My Life! - 2014
Jennifer Aniston stars as the former star of a hit 90's ensemble comedy. With both the comedy show and her high-profile marriage over, she embarks on an endless stream of rom-coms.
2014 comes around, and she is still (somehow) working even though her films are typically stinkers at the box office. Hilarity ensues as she tries to make the transition to character roles.
I'm in Love with a Douchebag!
Jennifer Aniston plays a private investigator who specializes in helping spurned women get back at their ex-boyfriends. But when she starts simultaneously falling for two of the exes (Ryan Reynolds and Bradley Cooper) she finds herself on the receiving end of their douchebag behavior and feeling the wrath of their crazy-eyed ex gfs - played by Renee Zelwegger and Katherine Heigl.
okay these last two posts are killing the thread
Like, You Know, Whatever:
When Abigail "Abby" Behrs' (Jennifer Aniston) football player husband (Josh Lucas) leaves her for another woman (Malin Ackermann), she loses the will to live. After a failed suicide attempt, Abby wakes up in a strange, but familiar room. While trying to figure out where she is, a young blonde girl walks in and Abby excitedly calls out her name. That's when it hits her...she's been transported back to her sorority house, in the year 1990. Hilarity ensues as Abby relives her glory days and tries to avoid future heartache by rebuffing the big man on campus who will go on to become her husband...unless she changes her destiny.
Dakota Fanning as Quinn (Abby's BFF)
Penn Bagdley as Trevor (Quinn's brother, an admirer of Abby)
Alex Pettyfer as Dave (Quinn's college boyfriend, younger version of her future husband)
Andrew McCarthy as Dean Whitmore (a pervy school administrator who aggressively pursues Abby)
Written and directed by Amy Heckerling
[R51], you forgot to include Kathleen Turner as Abby's mom, Peggy Sue, in your cast list. ;-)
I'd pay cash money to see that one, r51.
Then again, maybe not because I'm sure it's in the works and I am on a budget.
Jennifer Aniston and Dakota Fanning BFFs? I love it!
[quote]God, this thread...lol... I just can't..
We're stealing "I Just Can't..." as a rom-com title.
After finding out her best gay (John C. Reilly) is a virgin, an eternally single, cutthroat career woman (Jennifer Aniston)takes a week off work, determined to get him laid before he dies. But in the process, she ends up learning a lesson in life balance and finding her true love in the foul-mouthed, sloppy yet carefree office copyboy (Seth Rogen).
James Franco, Alex Pettyfer and Adam Rodriguez all cameo as potential Eldergay cherry poppers.
R51 You forgot "Special appearance by David Schwimmer as Ezra, Abby's best gay friend, and Christopher Mintz Plasse as Ezra circa 1990. "
Yes R34, it's a very nice place to live.
"I Just Can't..."
When two homely brothers/Internet moguls (played by Guy Pearce and John Goodman)--who happen to be multi-billionaires--express their desire to marry, professional golddiggers Caitlyn (Jennifer Aniston) and Lisbeth (Wendi McLendon-Covey) conspire to win the men over. However, the plan is complicated when Caitlyn discovers that the brother she has been paired with, Wendell (Guy Pearce), is actually a really nice guy. Lisbeth tries to keep Caitlyn's eyes on the prize, but will it work?
Ff for r49
R59 I mean
[quote]Featuring a hilarious cameo from Wanda Sykes a a Rwandan survivor of gang rape.
For some reason this is making me laugh...
W&W for r 27
Vivacious, no-bullshit Gracie Monaghan (Jennifer Aniston) is the very successful (but not in a threatening or emasculating way) owner and CEO of "Sidechicks", a "romantic management consultant service" that for a hefty fee matches wealthy, socially inept bachelor with a gorgeous wingwoman who serves as his dating game coach and birddogging partner until he is able to ladykill on his own.
Gracie has but two rules for herself and her team of wingwomen (Olivia Munn, three blonde twenty-three year old Sports Illustrated Swimsuit alumni, and some light-skinned black hottie - ideally British): no flats and no getting involved with clients.
From the outside, Gracie has it all: a sun-drenched apartment full of Louboutins and home decor items from Anthropologie ; the ability to pull off a variety of hairstyles. But the unintended result of devoting all of her energies to training men how to effective woo other women is that Gracie, herself, has arrived in her mid-thirties (in the right lighting) chronically single and resigned to a life of loneliness.
Gracie world is turned upside down when she takes on brainy Maxwell MacTeer (David Duchovny), a quirky celebrated journalist/non-fiction writer whose recent book "Prime Mover" has been rejected by his editors for making the claim that it will explain the reasons why everything is the way it is, but has somehow managed to ignore sex altogether.
The two initially clash, Maxwell insists that sex and love don't really matter in the grand scheme of things and he is only getting coached by Gracie in order to get enough "sex" material for his book to satisfy his editors. This frustrates Gracie,who insists that Maxwell is just scared of rejection and that sex and love are the prime movers behind all human interaction (after all, they've been her bread and butter since she left college back in the very late nineties!)
Under Gracie's tutelage, Maxwell blossoms from a quirky ascetic to a suave renaissance man, and Gracie realizes that she's falling in love with him. She watches with dismay as he meets and successfully woos Lydia (Jessica Alba) a brain surgeon with Doctors without Borders.Gracie realizes that if she's ever going to be happy, she is going to have to break her rule (not the one about high heels) and be her own wingwoman.
Gracie has a heartwarming relationship with Irving (Alan Alda) a lonely, avuncular widower who Gracie takes on as a client. He has an implied threesome with two old ladies in the closing credits!
Gracie has teething troubles with Lila (Aubrey Plaza) a sardonic grad student and feminist that she has recently hired.
Construction company owner Danny (Vince Vaughn) is a perennial client of Gracie's. A lovable scamp and habitual date rapist, he is always up to some sort of hijinks in order to get pussy
Mercenary Ivy (Olivia Munn) breaks Gracie's no getting involved rule when she jumps at the chance to get with "internet mogul" Travis Zimberg (Justin Long). She is horrified to learn that he is actually a lowly programmer and not rich at all. She is even more horrified to learn that she has genuine feelings for him!
Get It Together!
Feisty assistant District Attorney Maxine Schwar (Aniston) is living the high life in Philadelphia with her handsome husband Armistead Rimmer (Mark Wahlberg) and cute twins Izzy & Dash. When a new colleague at work, Destina Hoare (Katherine Heigl) manages to usurp her for a promotion and in her husbands affections "Maxy" suffers a nervous breakdown.
It'll take the help of her zany mother Sondra (Betty White) and best gal pals (Deborah Gibson, Jenna Von Oy, Judy Greer, Matt Bomer, academy award winner-MONIQUE) to help her get back on top, get back her man and GET IT TOGETHER!
Two to Tango- Identical twins, Marlow and Meg couldn't be more different but DNA isn't the only thing they share, they're both in miserable relationships that they can't break out of. They decide drastic steps are in order. They switch identities so that they can drop the hammers. The only problem is our girls soon find love in their sister's significant others. Paul Rudd and Jason Segal costar.
They should do a insipid piece of trash that stars all the leading ladies who've headlined the type of dreck within the last five years.
Call it "Farewell, You Scuzzy White Rich Bitches!"
Academy Award hack Reeses Witherpoon
Put all three together -- and cast any others for supporting roles -- and be done with once and for all.
R65-Jessica Alba as a brain surgeon! Genius!
Academy Award hack Reeses Witherpoon
... and That Goddamned Kate Huckson
starring in ........................
[bold]SEX AND THE CITY: THE NEXT GENERATION VS. FREDDIE AND JASON DEATH MATCH IN MANHATTAN[/bold]
R65 That actually sounds like not a movie plot so much as the pilot for an ongoing TV series.
(and you know someone will get right to work on that shit!)
It's Your Turn! - 2014
It's Hungary, 1944. Maria Molnar (Jennifer Aniston) is the 'Mae West of Budapest' the most beloved musical comedy actress in the Hungarian film industry. Half Jewish, she finds herself in a boxcar on the way to Poland! When the train grinds to a halt, Maria passes around her cosmetics kit for the ladies to spruce up before the train door opens, but to her surprise she's not in Warsaw for location work, she's in Auschwitz!
Co-starring Viggo Mortensen as Commandant Schmidt, the steely-eyed camp commander with a secret heart of gold who takes a shining to the new camp beauty. But Maria loves Schlomo, the Hasidic latrine sweeper she meets in a hilarious bathroom scene that will make 'Bridesmaids' seem tame. Schmidt offers Maria a job as the barrack leader in exchange for extra bread rations, what's a girl to do?
You'll laugh until you cry as Maria finds any way she can to keep everyone in the barrack laughing until the next selection. With rumors of the Allies closing in, Maria keeps hoping for the best, and hoping her hair grows back before they come!
Candace Klinger (Jennifer Aniston) is a hot-shot attorney at an LA law firm to the stars who pours everything she has into her job, even if that means spending most nights alone. The film opens with her in court representing Hollywood comedy king, Chase Charles (Vince Vaughn), who is being sentenced after pleading guilty in connection with his shenanigans on an international flight that wound up with him accidentally punching out a female air marshal (Amy Poehler) (we see the cell phone camera footage when the prosecution speaks at the sentencing hearing). After an impassioned plea by Candace, Chase seems set to go free on probation, but a belligerent Chase winds up talking himself into a 5 year prison sentence by the non-plussed, no-nonsense judge (Nancy Grace in a cameo).
Candace's big loss in court puts her in hot water with her boss, Randy Oldman (Dan Ackroyd), and, unless she agrees to sleep with him, she has one chance to save the career she loves, representing accused shoplifting starlet, Melanie Mayfair (Kate Hudson). The catch? She has to share the case with arrogant up-and-coming associate, Miles O'Grady (Jason Segel). Yet while Candace had not given her co-worker, Miles, much thought before, the two bond as friends working on the case and discover a shared love of classic Looney Tunes cartoons. Yet once she sees her sticky-fingered client working to steal something else, Miles's heart, Candace's competitive side kicks in and she is determined not to let this chance at love slip away, even if it costs her her career as a legal eagle.
Kinda Like the Real Thing: Bored office assistant Zee Morrison (Aniston) dreams of being a fashion designer. When she wins a trip to Paris at the church raffle, things starts to happen! A chance encounter with hunky French executive Guy Catry (Jean Dujardin) in the Louvre leads to a job at his fashion house. But is she willing to gamble everything on her future in France and lose the love of her longterm hometown boyfriend (Owen Wilson)?
Now this is why I come here. There are some orchids among the drek.
ROMEO AND JENNIFER - Jen plays a prim librarian at Verona Beach High School who gets bonked on the head by a falling bust of Shakespeare and dreams she's back in Renaissance Italy. Romantic tragedy ensues until she's brought round by true love's kiss in the form of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation from a hunky Italian paramedic.
Enough, Allready! (2012)
Gal next door Mindy Allready (Aniston) is a nature loving marine biologist by day and when her bi polar meds wear off at night, a saucy pole dancer in the clubs of Wasilla, Alaska by night. Her alter ego Ginger gets into trouble seducing the husband (Paul Rudd) of local republican ex governer and vice presidential candidate Temperance Bitchstock (Marcia Cross).
When Temperance attempts to blackmail Mindy/Ginger to doctor an environmental report into the health risks towards lesbian sea lions from crude oil spillage Mindy/Ginger realises its time to say, ENOUGH, ALLREADY!
"Look It's Her Again"
Riley Gunther (Jennifer Anniston) is fresh out of Journalism school and ready for the world!
First job is an investigative reporter at Libations Inc, the nuber one news agency in the world. Her first assignment is in Afghanistan where she travels with US soldiers, there she meets army officer Wolfe Waylons(Josh Hartnett in his comeback role). They hit it off immediatley including lots of raunchy sex in the barracks. Riley soon finds out that Lucas is a Russian spy. Hilarity ensues!
Theresa 'Terri' Taylor and her five kids are top dogs in the small town of Ellistown, Nebraska. But when her youngest daughter's grades start slipping, widowed Terri needs a convincing excuse and blames Kyla's lack of academic ability on an exposure to peanuts, specifically Turner's peanut factory, the town's main employers. As things get out of hand, Terri finds herself the public face of the American Moms Against Nuts campaign, while her former childhood sweetheart Tanner Turner (Henry Cavill) is called back from New York to deal with the crisis. Hillary Swank co-stars as Sherry Shergar, president of AMAN with Fetus Fanning as Kyla and Stockard Channing as Terri's mother Lynn. The heartbreaking twist that Kyla's retardation is due to fetal alcohol syndrome, after Terri was driven to drink following the death of her husband will have audiences reaching for their tissues.
Never Too Late To Learn
High powered business woman Emma Monroe(Aniston) is beautiful and about to make the biggest deal of her career. But what her colleagues don't know is that the beautiful career woman has never learned how to use a a computer. As her sassy executive assistant Orlando (Glee's Chris Colfer) dreams of poisoning her, Emma continues to make him send highly personal texts to her boyfriend David (Matt Keeslar), until he dumps her when she's unable to reply to a text and stands him up, not for the first time.
Realising enough is enough, Emma joins a community college course run by nun Sister Alice (Academy Award winner Mira Sorvino) to learn how to use her iPhone. Taken aback by how unskilled and poor her fellow students are, Emma has a change of heart and wonders whether she should stop her company takeover and plow the investment funds back into the community, helping poor Koochie (Academy Award winner Octavia Spencer) realise her dream of running a fried chicken restaurant and possible love interest Humphrey (Paul Rudd) open a hardware store.
Reunited for the first time since Dead Ringer For Love, Meatloaf and Academy Award winner Cher join the cast as Emma's parents, Marty and Mindy Monroe.
In an emotive performance which will tug on viewers' heart strings like an arthritic harpist, Jennifer Aniston proves why she'll be a contender at next year's Academy Awards.
Sounds awesome, r3, I'd actually go see that. R27, if someone steals your idea and makes that movie, or anything like it, I will have you knocked off. :)
Can we do one for Mariska? I think if studios had a little help visualizing her in movie rolls, it would help her post-SVU career along.
Baker's Dozen - Kit Baker (Jennifer Anniston) has it all: a high profile job as an editor along side fashion's toughest critic, Yvonne Shepherd (Holland Taylor), an assistant DA beau (Eddie Cibrian) and an adorable cocker spaniel/Llasa Apso mix, Schatzie (played by my dog Schatzie in her breakthrough performance, but I digress...). Comes the phone call every career woman dreads - there's been a tragic grain elevator explosion back in Apple Patch, Ohio. Kit rushes to tend to her bodycast bound sister Priscilla (Melora Hardin), Kit's farm, and her 12 precocious children. Hijinks ensue right upon arrival when Kit has to plan an "in home funeral" for Prissy's husband Clay (Billy Bob Thornton) - an Apple Patch tradition - when one of the kids, Kimmy (Dance Mom's star "Chloe") accidentally drops her 4H charm into dad's now sealed casket.
Kit finds out the simpler things in life are all that matter with the help of kindly parrish minister, Luke Walpole (Ryan Reynolds)who arranges a series of potluck dinners, chinese auctions and blueberry pie socials to raise the funds to save the family farm.
Co starring Doris Roberts as Auntie Lottie and special guest appearance by Betty White as frisky Apple Patch pie champion Loretta Hogg.
Tagline: Love, like apples, is good for us.
Jennifer Aniston stars as Bethany "Apple" Sterling, a New Jersey middle-aged woman suffering from cerebral palsy. She lives with her lonely, recently widowed, yet eccentric and domineering grandmother, Beverly "Bev" Sterling, played by Shirley MacLain who raised Apple since she was a toddler due to her alcoholic mother skipping town and dumping her with her grandparents.
Apple and her grandmother make weekly trips to the doctor where she gets shots to induce Apple's seizures she periodically gets. In order to appease Apple's apprehensions about going to the doctor Bev uses the comforting slogan, "An Apple a day keeps the doctor away" which eases Apple yet does not ease her desperation for independence and being treated like a woman, because Apple's grandmother doesn't believe she can live on her own. However, the real reason is the grandmother is lonely and doesn't want to let her granddaughter go due to not being fully over the death of Apple's grandfather, Bev's husband.
Tired of being treated like a child and being poked and prodded by the doctor on a weekly basis, Apple decides to take a road trip unbenounced to her grandmother to the biggest apple of all; a place where she will certainly never have to go to the doctor again, and a place where she can absolutely claim her independence, New York City.
This is where Apple's adventure begins.
Awe struck by the glitz, glamour, lights, and Broadway, Apple clumsily makes her through NYC. She is introduced to many firsts some of which include: rude people, taxi cab rides, taxi cab drivers she doesn't understand, (neither understand each other), Brooklyn, getting robbed, homeless people, rats, her one room apartment, getting her first job as a stock person at Bloomingdales, and of course, her first love: William, a man who also suffers from Cerebral Palsy, played by Seann William Scott.
Bev, panicked for the safety of her granddaughter, and the seizures she may get, which she does, only to be assisted with the frightened help of William, teams up with her jokester, yet adoring neighbor, Sal Giovanni, played by Danny Devito. Both travel to New York City and go to get Apple home safe and sound, while discovering each other in the process.
During this adventure to New York City, Apple teaches all a little of something.
"Apple" is a heart-warming story about love, trust, discovery, growing up, and letting go.
Jennifer Aniston as Bethany “Apple” Sterling
Shirley MacLain as Beverly Sterling
Danny Devito as Sal Giovanni
Seann William Scott as William
A Miramax Film
What's sad is that her agent is probably combing through these ideas and one will end up on screen.
And if not Jen, then Jessica Alba's agent.
Seriously guys, you're giving it away!
It's like Cartman and the Awesome-O fake robot from South Park that kept spewing out Adam Sandler script ideas (Puppy Love was the best).
Come on, somebody needs to write a script for these two hip gals.
as I read each idea, I can actually picture the film!!
Keep 'em coming!
I wish there was a function to individually like each suggestion.
High Powered Wine Industry Executive Connie Hightail (Anniston)goes to annual wine convention in France and meets Claude Perrine (Vince Vaughan) of a small family owned vinter with the best most expensive wines in the world. Connie's rival Beatrice Deschanel (Natalie Portman) is determined to buyout Perrine's family vineyard to increase production and mass market the cachet brand, thereby selling out the family's hard won reputation. Claude Perrine's brother Thierry (Ryan Gosling) a fashion designer falls in love with Beatrice and plans to marry her making her part of the family. Connie and Claude join forces to thwart Beatrice's takeoever plan and Connie tries to sleep with Thierry to prevent the marriage and save the family business. In the end Beatrice and Claude end up together and Connie and Thierry get married.
Where Do Broken Hearts Go?
Melody Chambers (Aniston) is Whitney Houston's biggest fan. Working on a make up counter in a small town department store, Melody lives with her widower dad (Academy Award nominee Samuel L Jackson) and her dalmation dog, Nippy. Melody has never been lucky in love and a string of ex-boyfriends and two bitchy colleagues (Dakota Fanning and Academy Award nominee Abigail Breslin).
On hearing the news of Whitney's sad passing, Melody is distraught and spends 48 hours in her bedroom crying, listening to One Moment In Time on repeat play. But then Melody has a vision. The ghost of Michael Jackson appears (using James Cameron's award winning special effects) and tells Melody she needs to go to the funeral to say goodbye in person to Whitney.
Quitting her job when her sex pest boss (two time Academy Award winner Kevin Spacey) won't give her time off, Melody scouring internet forums, and meets up with a fellow Whitney fan called Chuck (Mary Stuart Masterson) who agrees to drive them to New Jersey for the funeral, with Chuck's ex-girlfriend Jodie (Claire Danes) along for the ride.
A road trip with a difference, Where Do Broken Hearts Go? is a tale of self discovery and friendship, with an unforgettable soundtrack. (Note: the cast's version of All The Man That I Need will not be featured on the soundtrack)
The Natural One - 2014
Tara Laufner (Jennifer Aniston) seems to have it all! She and her stockbroker husband, Warner (Mattew Rhys) have the perfect house in Connecticut, the perfect kids, and a stellar reputation in their well heeled town. One day, while enjoying lunch at the club with her dearest friends, Lisbeth (Gwyneth Paltrow), Lisle (Cameron Diaz), Lainie (Kate Hudson), Laurel (Christina Applegate), and Lenore (Claire Danes), A freak accident leads to a golf ball hitting her in the head. Tara's friends immediately flock to her and she appears to be fine, but then she announces that she's going to let her hair grow out to its natural color! Join Tara as she teaches her friends and family how to give up the pretense and just be themselves.
Featuring a soundtrack by Pink!
Love Floats (2014)
Betsy Buoy (Jennifer Aniston) is passenger on an ill- fated cruise liner which sinks right off the coast of Italy. Betsy is a bubbly thirty-something who is on the cruise with her family( mother and father played by James Brolin and Meryl Streep). While on the cruise Betsy falls in love with the young and dashing Captain(Zack Efron). As the Captain takes one look at Betsy he is so hypnotized by her beauty that he forgets to control the cruise liner! Hilarity ensues as the two make love in a life boat as the other passengers swim for their lives! The two encounter sea life while in the life boat-even a huge singing whale ( played by Grammy winner Adele).
BREAKING THE HABIT (2013) They're twins, but they couldn't be more different! Kassidy (Jennifer Aniston) is an unemployed clothing designer, while her sister (Aniston, playing dual roles) is a cloistered nun! One day Kassidy visits her twin, Sister Gabrielle John, with some distressing news. She needs heart surgery but has no health insurance to cover the procedure. Gabrielle: "That's so unfortunate. The convent pays all my hospital bills. ...Wait! I have an idea!" The sisters exchange identities. Kassidy, now wearing a habit, will have her surgery paid for by Santorumcare(policy of the new president: Catholics get top-tier treatment; everyone else get in line!) while Gabrielle will hole up for two weeks in Kassidy's apartment. Two weeks later Gabrielle returns to the convent and learns that Kassidy died during her surgery and is now buried on the convent grounds in the Field of Fallen Sisters. After visiting the grave and talking to her dead sister's headstone (Aniston's monologue is Oscar worthy!) Gabrielle leaves the convent gates and starts her new life as Kassidy. The following weeks are a laugh riot, as the former nun experiences her first drink, her first dance, her first date (Robert Pattison), her deflowering, and success on the runway with a series of gowns designed in the style of nun's habits.
Jenny's Choice (December 2013)
Jennica Allister (Jennifer Aniston) has twins (played by Dakota Fanning and Abigail Breslin) After the death of her husband (Brad Pitt in a cameo role) she moves to a new town in a suburb in Michigan where she tries to enroll her kids in a college prep. The problem is, there's only one spot open, and she has to make a decision. Which one of her kids will she choose?
In the first Oscar-bait performance of her career, Aniston gives a multi-layered performance that will sure give her her very first Oscar nomination.
Holly Hope (Jennifer Aniston) and Laurel Cleaver are sisters with a lifelong dream of openeing their own bridal shop. But life happened, kids, jobs etc. However, with the economic dowturn both ladies are left unemployed.
Holly a former Business Developer, is now unemployed and left single, when her beau Jeremy Daft (Ryan Reynolds) dumps her. Laurel (SJP) is now focused on riasing her three kids and playing wife to husband Mark Cleaver played by (Ben Stiller).
The gals decide that now is the best time to pursue their business ventures and embark on oepning thier bridal shop. Times are hard and the girls can't make the financial commitment, so they embark on a journey of securing enough assets, by enjlisting with an escort copany and becoming private escorts.
Follow the girls in their adventure as they encounter former lovers, friends and associates. In particular, Holly has a night of misadventure with her now married and former beau Jeremy.
Also starring Katherine O Hara and Martin Sheen as the parents. And a cameo by Samuel L Jackson as the escort company boss
*oops title* - They Know How To Do It!
OMG, you guys are frickin' hilarious. I can seriously picture nearly everyone of these movies...This thread made my day.
"Mission Aborted (2013)"
Mary O'Malley (Jennifer Aniston) is a beautiful and vicacious abortionist struggling to make ends meet after Obamacare's free birth control pills provision nearly puts her abortion clinic out of business.
On a wing and a prayer, the lapsed Catholic heads to church and bows her head in prayer at the altar. It's then that Mary overhears behind her someone talking to the priest, Ike Weaver (Kirk Cameron), discussing the bishops' plan to get Congress to end birth control coverage for ALL women's health insurance. Thrilled, Mary crosses herself and gets up to leave when she accidentally bumps into up-and-coming GOP presidential candidate Nick Sartorum (Rob Lowe) whose wife recently died in childbirth and who is finally ready to learn how to love again.
Mary will try to teach him how to love again as she volunteers for his campaign, but all the while trying to keep her abortionist day job under wraps from the suspicious bishop (Jon Voight), Nick's jealous press secretary (Callista Flockhart) and a hard-nosed journalist desperate to dig up her dirt (Ryan Reynolds).
It's your choice whether you try to terminate your laughter when you see Mary try to escape hijinks like the time Ike and Nick lead a protest outside her abortion clinic!!! Oh baby, this is one romantic comedy you'll want to bring to term.
R27's post was hilarious and dreadful in equal measure.
Ooops, sorry, I meant R72's post, the Auschwitz one.
r72, you are fucking evil...and fucking funny.
Professor Kate Mulherne (Jennifer Aniston) teaches a university-level course on "American Romance in the Postmodern Era," a class that her students inevitably call "Romance 101." ("I hate that name!" Kate laments. "I have a PhD. I'm a Fulbright Scholar! Would someone like me teach a class called Romance 101?") Kate's theory -- that the sexes are equal and romance is dead -- is shaken up when one of her students (Gerard Butler), a policeman returning to college after being shot in the line of duty, questions Kate's beliefs. Especially after he embarrasses her in class by asking about her romantic life ("I have a live-in partner with whom I share a monotonous relationship," says Kate, before clapping her hand over mouth and saying, "Monogamous relationship! I meant monogamous!") Soon the former policeman is luring Kate away from her serious academic life (cut to montage of the couple sipping coffee in a street cafe, eating caramel apples while strolling through an amusement park, riding the tilt-a-whirl, and kissing.) When Kate and her live-in boyfriend spend spring break at her parents' lakefront home (in a casting coup, the older couple are played by Ed Asner and Mary Tyler Moore), the policeman rents a nearby cottage. Matthew Broderick shines as Kate's college professor boyfriend, who gets sexually turned on by mathematics formulas and whose attempts to go fishing with Dad lead to lots of standing up in the boat with his arms spiraling before falling in the water. Wehn tragedy strikes, it's Kate's now-widowed mother who offers words of advice, "It's great to be a strong woman, but sometimes it's okay to show your soft side," that help Kate choose the right mate and get a passing grade in "Romance 101." (The ad campaign features Aniston wearing a mortarboard and short skirt, sitting on an oversized book while miniature figures of Butler and Broderick try to scale the book's sides.)
"Love at Stake" - (2013)
Tagline - "The flames of true love never stop burning."
Successful, high-profile lawyer Libby Plymouth is Chicago's top divorce attorney. After years of failed relationships, lost loves, and dating the wrong men, Libby has become hardened and given up on love.
Libby reluctantly returns to her home town of Cuntwood, Mass., where she is being honored during the town's 400th anniversary celebration, where she stays with her parents (Diane Keaton, Craig T. Nelson) and outrageous, man-crazy younger sister Mindy (Kristin Bell). But as the clock strikes midnight on the town's 400th anniversary, Libby becomes possessed by Annabelle, the spirit of a pilgrim woman who was accused at witchcraft and burned at the stake some 400 years earlier and thus separated from her true love.
Annabelle, as Libby, searches Cuntwood for the reincarnation of her true love, William, who inhabits the body of a hunky handyman named Cliff (John Corbett). Libby/Annabelle must also deal with Mindy's slutty ways and with the revelation that their mother is a lesbian. Libby is also torn between her feelings for William/Cliff (are the feelings real?) and for James (Dermot Mulroney), a sexy professor of the occult who helps Libby rid herself of Annabelle's spirit.
Waiting For A Star To Fall
Joanna Collinson (Aniston) is America's sweetheart. She has a huge hit tv show behind her and her movie career is just swell. But there's a hitch. Her dreamboat husband Will Webb (Ben Affleck) has just left her for his latest co-star, French superstar Virginie Belle (Academy Award winner Marion Cotillard). Virginie has a reputation for being a bisexual thief of hearts, and Joanna is desperate to win back Will.
Working with super gay gossip blogger Grey Guzzler (Wayne Knight) Joanne hatches a plan to smear Virginie with the most hateful accusations, forcing Will to leave her and return to her open arms. As Virginie's star ascends even further with all the media attention, Joanna turns to more increasingly desperate measures in an effort to slay her love rival, with the clock ticking to the world premiere of Will and Virginie's action comedy, "The Smiths of Smithsonian".
With a hilarious cameo from Barbra Streisand as Joanna's mother, and Glee's Lea Michele as Joanna's twin sister.
Penny For Your Thoughts - Advice columnist Penny Graham (Jennifer Anniston)has it all - a syndicated column in the national weeklies, a hunky sports writer boyfriend (Robert Pattison), and a gorgeous apartment overlooking the marina. But when a gypsy fortune teller on the pier (Jennifer Coolidge) accidentally places a spell on her, Penny becomes amnesiac and enters into a May/December relationship with a crusty sea captain(Tim Allen) and finds happiness running the skipper's bait stand. When her ex boyfriend shows up to cover the annual fly fishing contest hijinks ensue and a jet ski chase scene leads to another bump on the head with Penny remembering her past, but sticking to her new found career as a master baiter.
"Love Shock" (2013)
Tagline: You're #1 in the nation, but not #1 in a number one's heart.
It's the mid-80's and Rachel Jaworski played by Jennifer Aniston and Robin McKenzie played by Cameron Diaz star as two extremely shy, overachieving bookworm girls from similiar middle-class backgrounds who meet each other The University of Connecticut on scholarship.
Desperate for the girls to break out of their shells, the parent's of both meet with their advising counselors to get ideas on what they could do to get more sociable. The advisor suggests theatre or the college radio. They girls both agree college radio because nobody will have to look at them, and they will never have to interact with anybody face-to-face.
The college radio venture starts out rocky both girls are stale, slow, and not quick witted. Callers called in telling them "how much they sucked" and "how they should be banned from radio".
After another clumsy day on the radio, Rachel accidently farts into the microphone.
Callers calling in non-stop by the hour telling them how much they rule, and how awesome they are. "Rachel & Robin Rule!"
At college parties they are worshipped, and they are treated like royalty in the small college town.
Radio, they realize, is their calling.
After graduating college Rachel & Robin venture onto Boston where they hope to hit it big. But, they are fired from every single radio gig. They venture onto other markets such as: Columbus, Atlanta, and Detroit, all places they get fired.
They then spice up their format by talking about masturbation because they are single which sky rockets their fame. A male caller called in jerking off to them which creates a media frenzy.
Next stop, New York City, where Rachel & Robin quickly become #1. “Rachel & Robin” go onto become #1 in every major market in America: Detroit, Dallas, DC, Boston, LA...they go on talk interviews land covers of Rolling Stone, they are the most talked about, and most popular radio show in history. They even land TV judging gigs like "American's Have Talent"
However...they are lonely. Their professional lives are a 9, but their personal lives are a 2.5
They both go on dates, which are never successful. They fear they will never find, “the one” because they focused so much on their career and not love, that it's too late for both of them.
This all changes when Rachel makes a comment about censorship, the FCC, and the religious right after threats of censorship by the government. Her comments spark outrage in the conservative America. Boycotts ensue.
Curious by Rachel's comments, Rick Santose, a very handsome conservative Republican played by Pierce Brosnon running for President, and "America's Quarterback" Tom Taburn, played by Tanning Chatum, want to be interviewed by Rachel & Robin.
After the interview, both Rachel and Rick, and Robin and Tom become shocked at how very smitten they were with each other. The chemistry between them was undeniable. They then begin dating, and this causes a media frenzy once again as they couples face obstacles from a conservative nation. Through it all, all weather the storm, and they go onto marry, and Rachel and Robin deliver a heat-felt speech over the air waves about how love is blind, and acceptance and freedom are the two most important values in America. America cheers them on. They are # 1 in America once again, but most importantly, they are #1 in “the one’s” heart.
“Love Shock” is a comedic and romantic tale about self-discovery, being yourself, how opposites attract, and how love harbors no judgment.
Cameron Diaz as Rachel Jaworski
Jennifer Aniston as Robin McKenzie
Pierce Brosnon as Rick Santose
Channing Tatum as Tom Taburn
A Miramax Film
Less is more, R110.
How about a remark of Baby Jane with Jen as Jane and Angelina as Blanche?
Matthew Perry can play the Victor Buono role.
Too Close to Home - 2012
Jennifer Aniston plays Kristin Sedaris, a 45 year old chain smoking actress who subsists on booze and Diet Coke. When her A-list husband (Vince Vaughan) leaves her for a young, internationally renowned sex goddess (Rachel McAdams), Kristin vows to do whatever it takes to stay relevant.
Jennifer is sure to wow audience everywhere as she slinks around in tiny dresses that show off her yam-shaped tits!
"Somebody Stop Me!"
Public relations Superstar Reggie O'Malley (Jennifer Aniston) is Hollywood's go to girl for celebrity PR disasters. When inebriated British Bad Boy comedian Felix Randy (Daniel Radcliffe) turns a public appearance into an opportunity to make a series of offensive rhymes, facial distortions and knock knock jokes about Asians, O'Malley is called in to save his career.
After throwing Randy into rehab for a couple weeks, O'Malley organizes a "Sake Summit" between the uncooperative star and Jackie Chan (Jackie Chan)
During this process we become acquainted with O'Malley's wacky employees: Louisa Connecticut (Kate Mara) and Star Quality (Gabouri Sibide) her outrageous best friend (Demi Moore or Zachary Quinto), unbelievable parents (Karen Black and Rick Moranis), and serious drinking problem.
The plan backfires when Randy takes umbrage to Chan's Kate middleton joke, and the sake summit turns into a hilarious montage of mixed martial arts mayhem!
Left with Egg Foo Yung on her face (Literally!) Reggie's situation is only made worse when confronted by Ken Chen (John Cho), the handsome head of the local branch of the Asian Anti-defamation league live on MSNBC (special guest appearance by rachel maddow) Ken's brutally scathing assesment of Reggie's involvement in the brouhaha causes her to break down in tears and fall into a dumpster, all on live Television.
later that night John watches the incident at home with his colorful asian family. His old world mother (Mickey Rooney) is appalled and demands that he apologize to Reggie. HIs perma-bitch sister (lucy Liu) argues that he owes no apology. His brother (Dante Basco), a wise drivers ed instructor, encourages him to follow his heart.
After several sexually tense attempts to make amends, Reggie and Ken agree to bury the hatchet live on MSNBC. On the way to the taping Randy carjacks Reggies mercedes, confesses his love for her and drives her to a landmark where he makes an ass of himself while holding Reggie Hostage.
Ken drives up, and through the universal language of compassion and understanding, calms Randy down. Randy explains that his hateful comments were made form a place of fear and hurt, that he loves all people, and Ken acknowledges that sometimes good people say mean things they dont really mean. He says this while looking Reggie in the eye. She understands he is talking about their relationship and they kiss
"And Baby Makes Seven!"- 2014, coming attraction loop
Queue humdrum instrumental music.
Voiceover: "Claudia thought she had it all under control"
(scene in well appointed OB/GYN office, Claudia (Jennifer Aniston) and Max (Balthazar Getty) browse through magazines and responds when receptionist calls her name.)
Voiceover: "Until she got a bit of news that changed EVERYTHING!"
(physician (Isaac Mizrahi) rolling ultrasound wand and looks up from monitor) "You're having quintuplets!"
(Max falls backwards, Claudia shrieks!)
Queue first 'Yeah, yeah, yeah' chorus from Duffy's hit 'Mercy'
Voiceover: "Now Claudia has to rethink what it REALLY means to be in control of the situation!"
(scene cuts to Costco, Max and Claudia have two shopping carts with mountains of baby supplies)
scene cuts to Claudia grabbing store manager by lapels)
Claudia: "If you don't let me use the bathroom I'll rip your scrotum out through your eyes!"
Another 'Yeah, yeah, yeah' from Duffy
Voiceover: "Sometimes life doesn't always work according to plan"
Queue serious and somber instrumental music
(scene cuts to delivery room, everyone in scrubs and masks, Claudia and Max in distress)
Physician: "I don't hear a heartbeat"
Scene cuts to disheveled living room, African American nanny (Angela Basset) holding two babies at once, speaking to Claudia)
Nanny: "I think instead of worrying about when you can go back to the office, you need to start thinking about how these babies are going to need more than 15 minutes of face-time from their mother each day."
(camera cuts to Claudia, holding two more babies)
Claudia: "I guess I just never had to think of anyone but myself."
Voiceover: "Sometimes it's the little things that mean the most."
Queue more 'Yeah, yeah, yeah' from Duffy
Title card: "And Baby Makes Seven!"
Voiceover: "Coming soon to select theaters, rated PG-13 some material may be inappropriate for children."
Yeah I know, less is more. This seemed funnier before I typed it.
I would pay to see r106
These are all hysterical. More or less. Eff the haters. This is the best thread in a long time.
R105 I can completely visualize that.
And completely see some studio hack taking that exact idea and pitching it, with great success.
I would totally go see "Brief Encounter." Hell, half of these pitches are better than anything Aniston has had in years!
This is one of the best threads. I haven't laughed this much in a long time. I love the abortionist one!
I love the cerebral palsy movie.
Trust me, I know! 2013
Successful NYC therapist to the stars Carrie Atwater (Aniston) has a never ending list of high profile clientele. She listens to their moaning about their great movie star lifestyles day in and day out, but secretly wishes she was one of them.
That's when she falls for new client Topher Manpower (Bradley Cooper), a movie star who just struck it big. She longs for the life the two could have together so she starts secretly derailing his current relationship with starlet Amber Harwood (Olivia Munn) so she can have him all to herself. She even advises Topher to publicly dump Amber to make it official. But Carrie quickly realizes that she's crossing a professional line.....should she be willing to risk it all in the name of love?
There are about 5 of these that I could seriously see being greenlit.
Baby Daddy - 2012
Sinead Arman (Jennifer Aniston) and Mallory Tucker (Kate Hudson) have always been in constant competition for everything in life. In kindergarten and highschool it was school grades, then at college, it was boys, now they are in search of the perfect husband and competing for the same guy, a high powered lawyer Justan Dyck (Matthew Mcconaughey).
However Justan is a 35 year old virgin/mama's boy who although successful, still lives with his overbearing, protective mother Eleanor (Diane Keaton)
Follow the gals hijincks as they both try to woo Justan and gain the approval of his mother.
I would start a Jennifer Aniston movie collection because of these movie ideas.
Please no more. Why are you encouraging this bitch to keep acting.
Just JEN! - a captivating behind the scenes documentary following the a raucous weekend in the life of America's darling. From a morning bitchfest with pals Courteney Cox and Andrea Bendewald over tepid coffee and cigs, to a cover shoot for Vanity Fair, to a power lunch with her agent interupted by her pot connection, to a dual Brazilian wax appointment with new gal pal Chelsea Handler, to an impomptu souvlaki snack with dad, Days of Our Lives octogenarian starvJohn Anniston to a red carpet encounter with ex-Brad Pitt and his new - ISH squeeze Angelina Jolie, viewers will choke on their popcorn wondering just how in hell Jen does it all. Featuring cameos by Vince Vaughn, Matt LeBlanc, Paul Rudd, and Sofia Vargara (Jen doesn't know her but Sofia is in everything these days. A Philip Glass underlines both the complexity and simplicity of "the gal next door", People's Choice Award winner Jennifer Aniston.
Some of these are so horribly plausible that they should be made.
And if Jennifer Anniston doesn't star in them, she's going to be sorry.
A Real Gas - Kimber Rhodes, a public relations exec, goes on a much needed vacation to New Orleans with her gay BFF Toby they rebuff the pleas of a destitute voodoo priestess Zenobia(Viola Davis) for some spare change, and Kimber makes a misunderstood remark about victims from Hurricane Katrina that Zenobia takes as a racial slur. She pulls at Kimber's hair, but Toby pulls her away and they run off. Zenobia takes a few strands of Kimber's hair and curses her in a foreign language, which translates into "you will fart at the most inopportune moments". The curse costs Kimber her boyfriend, her job and eventually she becomes a social outcast until she meets a handsome Cajun chef Etienne Avoirdupois(Justin Theroux) who realizes that a curse has been placed on her. The two travel back to New Orleans, where Kimber's curse is cured, but not before she gets a lesson in tolerance after a side trip through the Ninth Ward. She ends up marrying Etienne and they have a little girl who they name Toby Zenobia, after her BFF and her new and forgiving voodoo priestess friend.
Directed by Tate Taylor.
You've got Oscar bait, r129. It would be both hilarious and touching.
"Mein Kampf, Too" (2014)
Tagline: "Heil? Uh...Heil!"
In a slip back to the black and white silent film era, Jennifer Aniston portrays Zelda Schwarzkopf, a well-known and highly respected theatre director in Austria in 1939, at the height of WWII. Nazis and Germans travel far and wide to be entertained by her productions to escape the hardships of war for a little while.
But, trouble ensued when Adolf Hitler himself grew ill and was unable to ruthlessly dictate. Right-hand man and WWII architect Henrich Himmler recalls a play in which Schwarzkopf plays a man and convincingly! He summons Schwarzkopf to Germany for a meeting and requests she disguise herself as Hitler and fill in for him once he recovers.
Buffoonery, chaos, and hilarity follow as Zelda tries her very best to play-off Adolf Hitler to Nazi Germans in his Bertolt Brecht classic.
"Mein Kampf, Too" is a comedic satire about the ruthlessness of Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany.
Jennifer Aniston as Hitler
A Miramax Film
I like R129. Can I be in it?
Bump! This thread makes my life.
The names given to the Aniston characters make me giggle
"Off Key" (2014)
Ellie "Key" Keyston(Jennifer Aniston)dreamed of becoming a famous songwriter/music producer, but after an epic failure early in her career,(she was given the chance to write and produce an album for an aging pop diva that was a moderate success, but that resulted in a lawsuit filed by her ex-boyfriend, who was able to prove that he co-wrote many of her compositions)she was practically blacklisted by the industry. Ten years later she is reduced to ghostwriting for various pop acts, including new pop music sensation, Champ'elle (Hayden Panettiere).
While demoralized by her past failure and her present occupation, Ellie has found a happy equilibrium in her life, due to the material success that her ghostwriting has afforded her, and her new relationship with a pleasant, if emotionally distant and, sometimes, dismissive Oscar-winning composer Matthew Janklemann(Jason Segal).
While working with Champ'elle on her sophmore effort, "Goes Down Smooth" Ellie bonds with Champ'elle over shared childhood experiences, such as being "band nerds" and having had busy, disengaged parents. Just as Ellie becomes convinced that Champ'elle is more than just a spoiled rotten semi-talent, the latter becomes involved in a romantic relationship with another pop music artist, Eric Shyne(Justin Timberlake).
Champelle instructs Ellie to "write a hit" for her and Eric to sing as a duet. As a part of her writing process, Ellie begins to spend time in the studio with Eric(Champ'elle constantly makes excuses to avoid the studio, particularly chronic migraine headaches, and later Ellie sees paparazzi photos of her shopping and partying).
While working together to write a love song, Eric and Ellie share stories of lost and unrequited love, and before long are sharing lingering touches and meaningful stares. Though Eric seems to genuinely care for Champ'elle, she lets it slip to Ellie that she thinks that Eric is "a dork" and that she is only with him for the publicity and increased album sales.
Ellie realizes that she has developed real feelings for Eric and is torn between him and her new found friendship with Champ'elle. Things are further complicated, when Ellie and Eric take a break from working in the studio to have a late dinner and a paparazzo snaps a photo of them together, looking a little too cozy, that is then splashed all over the pages of every tabloid in the country.
Champ'elle feels threatened, Matthew feels neglected and Ellie is unsure of the full extent of Eric's feeling for her. Will Ellie risk it all for a relationship in the spotlight with a much younger man, or will she accept the status quo in order to keep the peace?
With an unbilled cameo by Charlize Theron as the aging pop diva, still pissed after all these years.
I love R105, and can totally imagine it being greenlit.
What's cracking me up is in all these is, "___has it all. . ."
"Bonfire of the Manatees"
Marla Summers (Jennifer Aniston) is a stay-at-home mom trying to hold her household together when her hubby, Herb (Kevin James), gets into big trouble when his sure-thing bet on the Super Bowl costs him $25,000. As compensation, Herb's bookie (Patton Oswalt) wants to use the Summers home for shooting the adult film "Lemony Lick-It's A Series of Unlubricated Events."
Herb convinces Marla and the kids to leave the house so the shooting can go down and he can pay off the debt without telling Marla, but Herb's goose is cooked when Marla and the kids return home to find the production is still underway!
An outraged Marla leaves to check into the airport-adjacent Ramada Inn and leaves Herb to fend for himself and the kids. But just as Marla is about ready to return realizing she's forgiven Herb for worse, she encounters Dr. Caleb Thorn (Liev Schreiber), a good-looking scientist with a passion for saving the endangered manatee.
Herb and the kids go on a quest to find Marla at the same time she is finding herself while helping to save manatees. Yet while there Caleb helps Marla realize that Herb is still the man she fell in love with and the problem is that she still expects him to change.
Herb decides to win Marla back by saving a herd of manatees from a gang of abusing jet skiers. The gang initially agreed to go, but return after they hear Herb calling them 'rubes'. He attempts to organize the manatees to battle the gang, but they all flee.
Despite Herb's failure, Marla is impressed by his efforts to save the manatees and declares she is taking home "the real endangered species": "a devoted husband".
Sure r132 (Kate). You can be the gay bff. We'll put you in drag and you will be like Linda Hunt in The Year of Living Dangerously. That Oscar that eluded you in Almost Famous? This time, it will be YOURS.
Soooooo....for shits and giggles I took the r27 response of "Oh No You Didn't", copied it, pasted in pictures of Aniston and Beyonce and left it on the table in the breakroom. Within ten minutes, our admin, picked it up, read it and asked if this was out on DVD and went on to say how much she loves Jennifer Aniston. She then handed it to another co-worker who asked "Where did this come from?" I said "I think "People". " To which she replied "oh". And added she wished "Friends" was still on. I said, "It is. Constantly on TBS". "I don't get cable anymore" was the reply, "I'm saving up for Vegas".
Try this at your own job. People are gullible AND the humor on this site if unleashed could cause all kinds of problems in the world at large.
Vanity Project Alert!
Jennifer Aniston directs and stars in the film adaptation of the critically panned and historically inaccurate book, "The Diva."
She was a world renowned opera star. He was a ruthless billionaire. The celebrated love story of Maria Callas and Aristotle Onassis comes to the big screen at long last! Featuring Jennifer Aniston as Maria Callas, James Gandolfini as Aristotle Onassis, Milla Jovavich as Jacqueline Kennedy, and introducing Snooki as Christina Onassis.
ELIZABETH GOLDIE (Aniston) seems like she has it all: a two bedroom apartment in Manhatten, a hilarious younger sister sister (Kristen Wiig)for a neighbor, an adorable Yorkshire terrier Molly, and a job as a journalist at the New Yorker. Alas, she passes by her empty bedroom every morning, a reminder that she wants a family most of all.
Enter a chance encounter with a dreamy man HENRY(Robert Pattinson) who is smitten by her- or is it actually her dog he has been complimenting the whole time?- who invites the pair to the Westminster Dog Show. Jill convinces her boss (Eddie Izzard) to let her write about the show so she can accept what she thinks is a date.
Once at Westminster, Jill realizes that Henry has really been preening over Molly the dog. At the show Elizabeth spots her lovelorn doorman ANTHONY (Gerard Butler) and his great Dane. Can Elizabeth open herself up to his long-unanswered, but totally not creepy advances? As she writes her article, Elizabeth realizes that you can never count out the underdog.
Includes a hilarious cameo by Robin Williams (or Zach Galifianakis) as a kennel judge who is fascinated by dog "tail," enthusiastically recalling his first piece of first-class, award-show caliber tail. bgo314
Wait - Goldie's sister is a sister? You mean she's a nun living in swinging Manhattan?
r145 it's a broad comedy.
No, it's a typo. My b
"A Bitter Pill to Swallow"
Alexandra Duke (Jennifer Aniston) is a late '20s law student and feminist activist trying to get her Catholic university to cover birth control pills and who winds up called to Congress to talk about it when a contraception controversy flares up on Capitol Hill. Her political activism leaves her little time date, although she still finds time to unwind and socialize online under her screenname, "blondejustice."
Blitz Lindbergh (Woody Harrelson) is a middle-aged conservative shock jock addicted to oxycontin pills who in the middle of a drug-addled rant about this controversy refers to Alexandra as a "cunt" and "fucking whore" and winds up in hot water with his sponsors but with huge ratings. The thrice-divorced unreformed bachelor unsurprisingly finds his encounters with the ladies limited to prostitutes, but in his Internet life he is able to express a more sensitive and romantic side through the online persona, "loveaddict."
When "blondejustice" and "loveaddict" begin a cybersex relationship after meeting on a web forum for displaced Montreal Expos fans, it's love at first type! Soon they are trading e-mails, but because of Blitz's infamy and Alexandra's embarrassment over the birth control controversy they agree to set boundaries on the online relationship: no specifics, including no names, career or class information, or family connections.
Eventually though, this is not enough and both want to expand the relationship even while they are afraid to expose their identities. Blitz is more controversial and popular than ever with his ongoing and escalating attacks on Alexandra, who has just announced plans to run for Congress in Maryland after becoming a liberal media darling in the wake of the public sympathy she engendered and grace she showed after Blitz's attack.
So Blitz proposes a night of phone sex with the plan to enlist his horndog pal, Jimmy (David Spade), to say the things that he whispers in his ear during the phone call. An excited Alexandra is intrigued but doesn't agree until she can convince her slutbag BFF, Heather, (Chelsea Handler), to play her role in the call.
When the phone sex goes great for Heather and Jimmy... but not so great for Blitz and Alexandra, their friends each convince them that they have to get over their fears and hangups, and finally meet in person. Yet when Alexandra and Blitz meet atop the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day to discover their online loves are their real-life rivals, boy is it a bitter pill to swallow!
Directed by Nora Ephron
Jennifer Anniston in a change of pace role as a backwoods Kentucky woman who bore her first child at 12 and now faces Revenuers coming onto her land to develop a super highway. Eula Belle is championed by environmental activist Georgianna Levin (Maya Rudolph) who takes Eula Belle to testify before the Kentucky State Legislature to testify that her land is hers and won't be taken over. Justin Bieber guest stars as Eula Belle's grandson Eli and sings the song 'Hula Hula Golden Minkus'. Filmed on location in Frankfurt, KY and the Pemberton Farm in Lexington, KY.
R144, is her name Elizabeth or Jill? WHO IS JILL?
I can however very easily picture Robert Pattinson preening over a dog.
OMG r140. Are you serious??? Fraus really love Jen. They feel sorry for her and feel her life would be complete if she found the right guy and had a baby.
R148's started off good...
Deidre Collins (Jennifer Aniston) comes into an inheritance from her favourite aunt (Jennifer Coolidge) who has passed away. She gains the deed to Aunt Mariah's house, but there's a catch, the deed is under both her name, and her step cousin's, Gary (Justin Timberlake).
Having grown up being constantly picked on and tormented by Gary, the two find themselves in a hostile environment, both attempting to get each other to sign the deed over by setting up pranks, and making each other’s lives hell, in order to gain sole ownership.
With a whole bunch of hi-jinx and the cast ultimately falling for one and other, hilarity ensues.
BEST thread in ages!!!
This thread- more than anything has put a smile on my face the last few weeks.
[QUOTE]Alexandra Duke (Jennifer Aniston) is a late '20s law student
Nominated for "Best Fictional Screenplay" this year is Nora Ephron...
"It's All About Me, OK?" (2012) In her first eagerly awaited Holocaust romcom, Jennifer Aniston plays Shoshana Goldfarb, an Auschwitz jew who is repeatedly selected for gassing because of her perkiness by SS Officer Magda (Angela Jolie, looking spectacular in black). Creating sparks and romantic tension, Brad Pitt plays Sondakommando oven stoker Isador Weinberg who saves her from being spitroasted.
r156 - REALLY?
Remake of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf (2013):
George - Gerard Butler
Martha - Jennifer Aniston
Nick - Owen Wilson
Honey - Kate Hudson
Finally, For Real
Connie Havenstock (Jennifer Anniston) has it all; fabulous apartment, cute and sexy boyfriend (Dane Cook) and a terrific job as the ghostwriter for the mega successful romance writer Damara Steele (Fiona Shaw).
One day, while stopping in the street to pick up her dropped iPhone, Connie is hit by a bus and wakes up in the hospital. She's fine, except she now thinks SHE is Damara Steele! Short term memory loss meets amnesia meets vicious bitchiness not seen since Dynasty days!
Watch these two ladies spar in public, in private, all over New York as they attempt to prove who is the REAL queen of romance fiction.
With Nick Cannon as the ER doctor, Busy Phillips as Damara's personal assistant, and special guest star Robert DeNiro as Connie's gruff father.
Will Connie find her real memories? Will Damara fall for Connie's dad? Will Dane Cook show his ass?
"Digital"- Jen plays Veronica Adair, a smalltown TV reporter who lands a coveted anchor job on the East Coast- replacing a scandal-ridden veteran personality. But soon after starting, creepy things start happening. Her beloved Persian falls from the balcony of her swanky penthouse; her teleprompter spells out "my pussy stinks"; an old sex video pops-up during the weather... When her troubled sister (Anna McKendrick) disappears, a handsome detective (Matthew McConnaughey) is assigned the case. Rated NC-17. Steve Steverson: Mel Gibson. Mom: Margot Kidder. Edward: Giovanni Ribisi.
Having survived the horrific events of the first film at the hands of her evil, deranged identical twin, Veronica settles into her new life as a new anchor. Having made amends with her mom Margot Kidder for keeping her twin Valerie a secret for 29 years, Veronica and her boyfriend Matthew McConnaughey seem to have it all. But when a series killer starts killing the go-go boys at the hot gay night club BeachBalls, McConnaughey goes undercover to investigate, and disappears. With the help of her brother in law Played by Chris Evans, the two infiltrate a sexy dark world of sex, gay sex, and sex. With Eva Mendes as a lipstick lesbian and Ryan O'Neal as the owner of BeachBalls. Special cameo by Erik Rhodes.
"My Girlfriend is Out of Town" (2013)
Tagline: "My girl's gone for the weekend..."
Jennifer Aniston stars as Bianca Romeijn-Robertson, the girlfriend of a "straight" guy who cruises craigslist looking for hot M4M action while she's out of town.
Ever wonder what these "out-of-town" girlfriend's of straight guys looking for hot gay sex do for a living? Well, wonder no more. Romeijn-Robertson works as a dental hygienist, but has only ventured into her new dental career after having left the CIA working within the top-secret archaeological department. And, she's quite thankful to have finally left this high-energy and extremely stressful job.
Unfortunately, however, the joys of scrapping tarter, and "go ahead and spit for me" are numbered as the CIA has called her back for an assignment she's the only one knowledge about and qualified to do.
Her assignment is to uncover a mysterious weapon that secret Nazi scientists attempted to manufacture in Egypt as terrorists have located this partially built weapon and plan to finish the job and destroy all of mankind with it. So, that means, Bianca is going to be gone for the weekend and you know that means for her boyfriend...
"My Girlfriend is Out of Town" is an adventure sci-fi story about espionage, the mysteries of WWII, and the wonderment of uncovered truth.
Jennifer Aniston as Bianca Romeijn-Robertson
A Miramax Film
Charlotte Merriwether Maypole (2013)
Jennifer Aniston stars as Charlotte Merriwether Maypole, the 29 year old trophy wife to Mortimer Maypole (Donald Sutherland) a mega wealthy hedge fund genius. She has it all, and her biggest problems are which color Porsche to drive on any given day, and dealing with her much older step children (Catherine Zeta Jones and Josh Lucas). That is, until her husband commits suicide and his Ponzi scheme is exposed. Turns out there is no money, and worse, Charlotte's name is all over the documents. Legally, she's on the hook for the missing billions!
This unique film, and mixture of drama and black comedy, brings to light the perils of modern culture. Join Charlotte as she at first resists dealing with her problems and then has a change of heart when an older couple Bert and Sylvie Vanderbeg (Doris Roberts and Peter O'Toole), their entire savings wiped out, come to live with her in the mansion (which is to be sold at auction).
Watch her fight, then come to care for her spoiled, bratty stepchildren who blame her to all their problems.
You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you will want to get to know Charlotte Merriwether Maypole
I have tears in my eyes from laughing so much. Genius one and all!
The only Jennifer Aniston film I've seen is "The Object of my Affection", so I have to ask. Is she still playing twentysomething women in her awful romcoms? A lot of the script ideas in this thread have her playing women in their late twenties? She isn't that delusional about herself, is she?
I think she should just go ahead and star in the Babs role in a remake of "What's Up, Doc?" She's already done the tribute photo shoot, so she might as well go all the way and give us her take on one of Babs' most popular roles.
Tales Of The City
In the first cinematic adaptation of Armistead Maupin's classic novels from the 70s, Jennifer Aniston takes on one of the 20th century's literary heroines. As fresh faced Mary-Ann Singleton, Aniston's wide eyed innocence is on display in abundance as she takes in the new world around her.
Featuring Zak Efron as Michael Tolliver, Channing Tatum as Brian, Lindsey Lohan as Mona Ramsey, two-time Academy Award winner Kevin Spacey as Norman Williams and Academy Award winner Vanessa Redgrave as the mystical Anna Madrigan.
r166 Jenn is like CZJ. Perpetually 29, fresh faced, dewy...
'Pretty In Pixels' (2012)
Jennifer Aniston plays Cheryl, the lonely wife of a fey Republican candidate (Ryan Seacrest in his first big screen role). Battling feminine odour issues and seeking affirmation, she haunts a gay message board. When hubby stumbles upon one of her desperate online postings and its replies "Try shoving up a Glade PlugIn!" he campaigns to shut down the company -- that is, until compromising photos of him wearing little more than a leash at a 'Bear Meet' are leaked to the media. Wishing to save her husband further embarrassment, Cheryl/Aniston confronts the webmaster, with unexpected results.
R169 you take the prize.
Jennifer Aniston plays Annie Alinsky, a woman who, following the end of her childless marriage to an unfaithful actor, has devoted the past ten years as an egg donor and surrogate to Hollywood's gay elite. When Annie agrees to carry the child of closeted TV star Chad Plomer (Henry Cavill) and his high-powered publicist boyfriend Bryan Wahls (Christoph Waltz), she sees it as just another payday. But she's surprised to find a kindred spirit in Chad, himself a victim of an evil ex-boyfriend, and the two become BFFs. However, when Chad takes the baby-bumped Annie along to Rodeo Drive to help him choose wedding bands for his commitment ceremony, they're ambushed by the paps, and a flustered Chad tells them that Annie is his fiancee and carrying his child.
Now, in order to save Chad's career, Bryan must pull out all the stops to make Chad and Annie seem like a real couple, including offering Annie $1 million to play Chad's wife for the next three years. (Did we mention Annie could use that money to save her parents' dairy farm?) Annie is all to eager to help out her new friends, but things take an unexpected turn when Chad's old friend from the University of Pittsburgh, Sal Domenicci (Joe Manganiello, because I can't think of anyone else) shows up, and Annie realizes that he's the one. As her fake wedding to Chad approaches, and the baby's due date in sight, Annie must decide whether or not she can declare her love for Sal before he goes back to Pittsburgh to marry his own fiancee, or if she should go ahead and help Chad and Bryan, even if it means losing her last shot at true love. It all comes to a head at the elaborately staged, press-mobbed wedding ceremony!
And you better believe that Annie's water will break while she's wearing her wedding dress.
With David Burtka as the Zachary Quinto character.
"Young As Springtime In New York" (2013)
Fiona Sounder (Jennifer Aniston) and Felicity Huffer-Felch (Catherine Zeta-Jones) are two fresh-faced recent college grads who have come to the Big Apple to find careers, love and happiness. Felicity lands an assistant job at a blue-chip law firm, and Fiona becomes (in five minutes of screen-time) a rising tv news journalist. The two BFF's spend their spare time in a series of shopping montages at designer boutiques and hilariously singing off-key to Motown classics in the 2000 sq. ft. Soho loft (with 360-degree Manhattan views) they share as roommates.
These two young gals seem to have everything except....love! That's when Fiona's mother (Julia Roberts) and Felicity's mother (Meg Ryan) come to town and try to find eligible men for their two young single daughters. Hilarity ensues!
This is one of the funniest threads in a while!
And so sad and scary that some of these could be a real film
There are a lot of duds, but the gems make it worthwhile.
My top 10 favorites below. Perhaps someone can start a new thread and we can all vote for the best one.
OP\tI Know, Right
R3\tJust Let It Happen
R16\tPour Me Another
R27\tOh No You Didn’t
R51\tLike, You Know, Whatever
R122 Trust me, I know!
R144 First Prize
R171 The Surrogate
As a lark, I pitched "Wingwoman" to a lit agent friend.
Now I have a 9:30am meeting at Disney on Monday.
"Is she still playing twentysomething women in her awful romcoms?"
45 is the new 25.
"Friends: On The Rocks" (2020)- The cast of the hit sitcom is re-united for their 4th full-length feature film. All still unmarried at 50, the gang takes a single's cruise to Antarctica. Tragedy strikes as the ship hits an iceberg, and they have to escape on a lifeboat to the glacial mainland, surviving the only way they know how- with their wits!Tom Selleck: Captain Southpole. Ron Perlman: Bigfoot. Directed by Rocco Ritchie.
"All Hallows Eve" (2012)- Aniston portrays Evelyn Waddles, a frumpy Assistant Librarian somewhere in Massachusetts. Socially awkward, unambitious and dateless ("since we had card catalogues") she spends her evenings sewing and watching repeats of "Friends". Then... a mysterious Wiccan patron (Courtney Love) gives her a homemade "love potion"- and all hell breaks loose! Popper: Carson Kressley. Artie: Aidan Quinn. Mrs. Selwyn: Karen Black. Anton: Marilyn Manson.
"Sean Fisher" (2013)
Tagline: "Take it like a man..."
Welcome to Shenandoah Trailer Park, Community of 400 of the most pleasant, passionate, outspoken group this side of Howell, Michigan.
Meet Crystal Brewer, portrayed by Jennifer Aniston, and her gay best friend, Seth Deakins.
Crystal and Seth both have big dreams. Seth creams of New York City and fashion, and Crystal dreams of becoming a telephone switchboard operator for Vogue Magazine, like Lily Tomlin on Laugh In.
But, the only problem is, they don't have enough money to venture out east. Until one day Crystal is inspired by an MTV True Life documentary about how "lucrative" gay porn is.
However, that's easier said that done - especially for Seth. Upon being interviewed by the gay porn producer of "Sean Fisher", Seth and Crystal were told that Seth is gay, and that “Sean Fisher” only hires straight guys. After much convincing by Crystal, the "gay porn Angel" agrees to hire Seth, but only under one condition: he coaches Seth how to act "straight" while having gay sex. Under intense scrutiny, Seth is schooled on how to sit like a straight guy, how to walk like a straight guy, how to talk like a straight guy, how to interact with other guys like a straight guy, how to tongue guys like a straight guy, and to fuck like a straight guy having gay sex.
Does Seth succeed? Or, does he learn a valuable lesson about loving who he is no matter what. You'll have to wait and see!
Seth Fisher is a dark comedy about self-hate, homophobia, accepting yourself, following your dreams, and never giving up hope.
Jennifer Aniston as Crystal Brewer
A Miramax Film
Ms. VanHelsing(2012): The vampire horror genre welcomes this ambitious effort from Jennifer Anniston playing the great great granddaughter of the Dracula hunter. Cindy VanHelsing is a quiet English professor, awaiting tenure, at Stanford University who is juggling an inattentive boyfriend, Professor Mike Morton(Channing Tatum), a Nursing Home bound mother, Charlotte (Sally Field) and an irreplaceable housekeeper, Tally(Marla Gibbs). Cindy is challenged by the great great grandson of the Count, Baron Latos (Matt Bomer) who attempts to seduce her into the netherworld and end the rift between the House of Dracula and the VanHelsings. Things heat up when Charlotte confesses to Cindy their past and her own battles with the Count. What will Cindy do when Mike is kidnapped by the Three Brides of Dracula and is about to be sacrificed on the Dark Altar? Henry Winkler in a cameo as Count Dracula. 120 mins.
If anything comes of it, I'd like an executive producer credit, R174.
The great work of posters like R65 are being ruined by posters like R177 and R178. PLEASE, if you don't get the point of this thread, post somewhere else! GEEZ!
Am I the only one who didn't think "Wingwoman" was the best thing ever?
And I'm not just saying that out of jealousy for the lack of a greenlight for "of "Brief Liason" "Mission Aborted" and "A Bitter Pill to Swallow" (or "Bonfire of the Manatees" but that was just cribbing a Simpsons episode and seeing if anyone would notice... they didn't)...
The horrifying thing is that in today's Hollywood, several of these posts could actually be made into movies by Hollywood studios exactly as the posters wrote them. "Wingwoman" would have studios salivating at turning it into a movie. Seriously, that is depressing, but these posts are hilarious.
Give me some notes, R181.
And for the record, I'd totally greenlight "Mission Aborted".
I like "Brief Liaison", but you'd need to re-think casting a little bit. Bradley Cooper would make a better arrogant rival attorney/love interest (or Jason Bateman if you want a more "everyman" type), the klepto starlet needs to be played by Lea Michele (in her motion picture debut!)
The female air marshal needs to be played by Academy Award Winner Octavia Spencer ("I swear I only punched her out because I thought she was a dude!")
I like the Jennifer Aniston as Hitler movie.
Greenlight it, please.
I love to eat the shit of gay for pay porn stars.
R186: I think we know each other. This is freaky!
WAIT FOR IT...!
Thirtysomething book promoter Vicky St. Victor (Jennifer Aniston) has a thriving career, great friends (half the cast of BRIDESMAIDS), and no time for a boyfriend.
Her newest client is dashing, ne'er do well author Clive Devlin (Jack Davenport of SMASH) arrives in town to promote his bestselling novel CAD -it's hate (or is it?) at first sight.
After a fling at a boozy book party, Vicky realizes that she's late...uh oh! Time for gay best friend to rush to her side with an EPT test (George Clooney, in an sure to be award winning role - because don't worry ladies, HE'S NOT REALLY GAY)
But Vicky's so busy she can't be alone for two minutes to pee on the instant pregnancy stick and WAIT FOR IT - see the results.
"This Can't Be Happening" (2013)
Sharon Shakleford seems to have it all--a gorgeous, rich fiance, Charlie (James Marsden),and a rising career as a life-coach.
One fateful night, Sharon and Charlie attend a fundraiser, after which they begin a make-out session in the back of Charlie's limo. Between kisses and caresses, they decide to go back to Sharon's apartment. Sharon and Charlie begin to have sex in the living room and eventually, he presses her naked body (or the body double's naked body) against the living room window. The drapes are open, and everyone in the building across the street are treated to the sight of Sharon's naked, undulating body.
Moments later Jack Merriweather (Jonah Hill), is painting a He-Man action figure, when he looks out of his bedroom window to see Sharon, buck naked, getting pounded from behind. He quickly stands up to get a better look, knocking over the molten plastic he was using to restore the action figure, burning his lap and pubic area.
Due in part to his humiliation, and in part to the goading of his over-bearing mother with whom he has an unnaturally close relationship (Sharon Stone), Jack decides to sue Charlie and Sharon for five million dollars.
Though he is sure that the law suit will be found frivolous and go absolutely no where, it forces Charlie to admit a shameful secret--he's broke. All that is left is a few hundred thousand and his apartment--the rest was stolen by a Bernie Madoff type, who was once his boss. But, Charlie has a plan: Sharon can seduce the hapless and lonely Jack and convince him to drop the lawsuit.
Through much arguing and prodding, Sharon finally agrees, but soon finds that Jack is a kind, giving soul who not only restores people's old childhood toys for them, but restores old toys and gives them to various children's charities throughout the city. When he invites her to a children's cancer ward to hand out toys to sick little ones, all the while telling them detailed stories about the toys' origins, Sharon doubts that she can go through with the plan. When he gives her the Barbie doll she wanted for Christmas when she was seven, along with the Dreamhouse, Ken doll and all of the accessories, perfectly restored, she becomes afraid that she's falling in love with him.
Will Sharon continue with the charade, or will she confess to Jack, and risk losing him forever? Would she ever be able to prove herself worthy of him to his jealous, controlling mother, anyway?
Hey r174, how'd it go?
Not as I hoped R192. Everything was going great, the suits were practically whipping out their checkbooks, and then when we got to discussing casting choices, the only thing they wanted to hear was "Emma Stone." I said, "Aniston or nothing," and the meeting pretty much fell apart right there.
I guess I shouldn't have pitched it the weekend after "Wanderlust" opened.
Ha! That's hilarious if you are the real r174. I'd have just went with it. It would've been cool if a movie originated from this thread. New tagline: "Data Lounge, we created Wing Women last year"
Someone should email this thread (or at least the good posts) to Gawker or Nikki Finke.
Hey, Musto, you still post here? Give this thread a shout-out!
"Brother From Another Mother"
Riley Harper (Jennifer Aniston) is the hopelessly single career-driven press secretary to Sen. Joe Edmonds (Dennis Quaid), an aspiring presidential candidate with a publicly happy marriage to his wife Emily (Catherine O'Hara), but a roving eye in private.
After a late-night strategy session with Joe leads to an early-morning walk-of-shame for Riley, the two of them agree that it was a mistake and that it will never happen again and get back to the business of the campaign. But six weeks later, when Riley discovers her pregnancy on the eve of the first debate, this new baby puts a major bump in the political ambitions of the Mr. and Mrs. Edmonds.
Joe considers aborting the campaign when Riley won't abort her last chance at motherhood, but Emily along with Joe's Machiavellian campaign manager, Ace (Scott Wolf), encourages them to press on saying they've gone too far. Riley promises them that she won't tell anyone who got her pregnant just so long as she can keep her job, but Ace doesn't think that's a good idea with tabloids and oppo researchers just dying for the opportunity to expose a scandal like this.
Just then they get a call about Joe and Emily's slacker son, Trevor (Ashton Kutcher), getting busted with pot at the airport on the way back from a vacation in Jamaica. Riley snaps back into campaign mode and says they can take care of her baby business later and she'll prepare a statement on it... Joe mutters how he was hoping that Trevor would have found a wife and had a kid and settled down by now so he could finally grow up and stop causing political problems for him... But just then Riley realizes they have the solution to the campaign's problems right in front of them... they can say that Trevor IS THE FATHER!!!
Screwball hilarity ensues as the serious Riley and screwup Trevor are forced to portray a happy couple while they're keeping it a secret from the world that she's carrying his brother from another mother!
What a waste of finger power this thread has been. As if this actress is worth a script.
r197 = Reese Witherspoon
"This Can't Be Happening" is terrific!
"Debi Got Fat" (2012)- Debi Stankey was a cheerleader, dated the quarterback (Dermot Mulroney) and crowned homecoming queen. But since grad, things have not gone as promised. Eschewing college to marry studly motorcycle mechanic Doug (Val Kilmer), four kids later she is separated, obese and on food stamps. And resisting her best friend's (Minnie Driver) efforts to encourage her to attend their 25th H.S. reunion. Her mom (Jane Fonda) a Type-A clotheshorse, is no help ("Couldn't you fast instead of fastfood?!"). Then a bi personal trainer neighbor (Benicio del Toro) takes her under his wing... Directed by Penny Marshall. Special effects by Rob Bottin.
Can somebody write a movie about Jennifer Aniston starring as a professional fister who fists men for a living yet yearns for real love? She then finds it with the help of her gay best friend.
r195 I'd rather they didn't!
THREE MEN AND A BABY DOLL
Ryan Gosling, Chris Pine, and Zac Efron are puzzled by their new roommate Celeste (Jennifer Aniston), who wears baby clothes, sleeps in a crib, and sucks her thumb.
Can somebody write a movie about Jennifer Aniston starring as a Real Doll of a lonely 50- something played by Billy Bob Thorton come to life?
William Knighton (Donald Sutherland) is one of the most revered names in sports. His family owns and operates The Association for Car Auto Racing (ACAR), which sanctions and governs auto racing sports events throughout the world. Upon learning he has stage IV throat cancer, William announces his only son, Gunner (Eric Dane), as the successor to his billion-dollar empire. However, things take a tragic turn when William and Gunner are unexpectedly killed in a plane crash.
In order to ensure ACAR remains in the Knighton family, his widow, Abby (Judith Chapman), convinces the board of directors to name their oldest daughter Kathleen (Jennifer Aniston) as the new CEO! The only catch is, Kathleen is an irresponsible party girl who has never cared about anything more than the money and access being a Knighton has provided her. Abby is confident that she can use her daughter to finalize a deal that William was against--the sale of ACAR to a European racing conglomerate--however, things don't exactly go as planned.
With the help of William's most-trusted advisor, Cal (Matthew McConaughey), Kathleen shows the business savvy her father always knew she had!
Zac Efron as Rand Evans, the hottest ACAR driver of the moment
Paul Bettany as Roger Phillips, Kathleen's longtime fiance/harshest critic
and Christoph Waltz as European racing tycoon, Bernhardt Kohl
with a soundtrack featuring 12 new songs written and performed by Zac Brown!
Jennifer Aniston in a Lifetime Original movie -
"Cunt! The Patricia Heaton Story"
r11 and r65.. are you still around?
I wondered if you would email me if I gave you an address? Just wanted to ask two really quick questions and don't want to hijack the thread any further! Let me know and I'll post my address.
What did you want to ask, R208?
If you're up for it, I'd rather do it by email. Not intrusive. I'll set up an address for you to email me if that's OK and post it. Thanks
Wingwoman = Hitch
Sure, no problem.
Thanks r212 It's firstname.lastname@example.org I'll explain when I hear from you!
R197, have you heard of the concept of satire?
Can somebody write an inspired documentary type movie about a porn star, portrayed by Jennifer Aniston preparing to get gang banged by one thousand guys? Kind of like Waiting for Guffman.
The cameras would follow her on her journey as she trains her vagina to take one thousand cock. She would also train to get DP'd. She would train through going to the gym, diet, prayer, etc. The woman who ices her vagina inbetween takes could be played by Goldie Hawn.
Is Hitch the movie Wingwoman rips off?
lol Wingwoman is Hitch II. I love the idea though of somebody stealing ideas and making them into Jennifer Aniston movie. That would be a great Jennifer Aniston movie in of itself.
Can somebody write a horror movie about about a struggling writer who becomes caretaker of the haunted Underlook Motel for the winter season. But, ultimately attacks his wife, played by Jennifer Aniston, and their son, Donny with an axe. Call it, The Blinding.
Maybe the Wingwoman writer can write it. He's a creative genius.
A Riva Runs Through Him(2012) Jennifer Anniston stars as Riva Bragg Noble, the young wife of Texas politican Hale Noble(Dennis Quaid). Riva's past as a Penthouse Pet of The Month shocks the high society of Houston, but her husband stands in support of her. His grown children, MaryLinda(Hayley Duff) and Tripp(D.J. Cortona) plot with their mother, Allisandra(Kim Cattrall) to get Riva out of their father's life. Allisandra brings Riva's first husband, Dutch Bragg(Brad Rowe) to Houston to reveal their marriage was never annulled. Hale suffers a heart attack at the news of this revealation and it's a race to the death to see who will win, in the three battle of wills for the Noble fortune. Riva in flashbacks is played by S'hane Grimes.
The actress rivals any twenty-something on the red carpet and on film - just look at her next to Brooklyn Decker in Just Go With It - but Jennifer admits the 'new crop' are starting to make her aware of her post-40 age.
'You know what makes me feel old? When I see girls who are twenty-something, or the new crop of actresses and think, "Aren’t we kind of the same age?" You lose perspective.
'Or being offered the part of a woman with a 17-year-old child. It’s like, "I’m not old enough to have a 17-year-old!" Then you realise, well, yeah, you are.
But she adds: 'I don’t feel my age. I feel young every day.'
"20... Something" (2014)- Jennifer Aniston won an Oscar* for her portrayal of Michelle Duggar (who died after a brave battle with ovarian cancer in 2013). The film chronicles her life from first date with future husband Jim Bob (Kirk Cameron) after a religious conversion, to the birth of her first child Joshua, through her last pregnancy (via in vitro fertilization)- the quintuplets Japheth, Jasper, JLo, Jermajesty and Jayonce'. Also starring Dyan Cannon and Orson Bean as Michelle's parents. Directed by Toby Keith.
I think the ideas in this thread are better, R220!
[quote]Jennifer Aniston is circling We’re The Millers, the New Line comedy about a pot dealer who pulls together a fake wife and two kids to pose as an RV road-tripping family so that he can smuggle 1000 pounds of pot cross country. Dodgeball‘s Rawson Thurber is directing. Aniston is in talks to play the fake wife, who’s actually a hooker. Her Horrible Bosses costar Jason Sudeikis is eying the role of the family patriarch (he’s the pot smuggler). The kids are juvenile delinquents.
Where is the guy Wingwoman dude who stole the Hitch concept? Sued yet?
Jen has no summer movie for 2012?
r193, describing his pitch was the highlight of the thread for me. "I said, 'Aniston or nothing,' and the meeting pretty much fell apart right there."
I was laughing out loud then, and it just made me smile.
Jennifer Anniston plays Marci Griffords, who is convinced by her mother (Glenn Close in a cameo role) to take a cross-country road trip from Boston to LA with her estranged sister Grace (Kristen Wiig). What mom didn't say is that when they arrive in LA, Grace is going into the nuthouse for treatment for her ever-increasing paranoia. Seems Grace thinks she is Sherlock Holmes, detective extraordinaire. And that makes Marci Dr. Watson for the duration of the trip.
You'll laugh, then cry, then laugh while crying as these two ladies cross the US, solving some cases and exploring the bonds of sisterhood.
With Jessica Lange as Grace's psychiatrist, Professor Moriarty, and Luke Evans as a hitchhiker (or is he something more???)
I'm having writers block at the moment so just throwing out some potential title names to restart this thread in honor of Nora Ephron's passing...
Hot to Trot
I Can't Stop Loving Brad
Totally Cut Off
Jennifer Aniston stars as MAGGIE SHREW, a late 20s trust funder who lives at home and has a penchant for giving her slutty bffs (Kristin Wiig and Zooey Deschanel) stylish haircuts. After a tragic stock market crash, Maggie's parents are forced to downsize their lives (advised by a hilarious financial consultant played by Zach Galifianakis) and totally cut off their daughter on her 30th birthday.
Determined to beat the economic crisis, Maggie starts her own salon and launches into a new career as a hair stylist with the help of her slutty bffs. Hilarity and love ensue as she begins to cut the hair of the local business men who originally think the salon is a cover for a brothel. One man in particular (MARK, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt) catches her eye and begins to come in for more haircuts than necessary, ending up totally shaved bald before gaining the courage to ask Maggie out for a date. Just as the romance heats up, it turns out that Mark is a business rival of Maggie's father, so Maggie covertly plans to sabotage Mark's financial life for her father's gain. Ultimately, her father is once again successful enough to begin supporting his daughter. But a triumphant Maggie refuses and decides to open up a chain of salons to be called Totally Cut Off. b1225
Illegal Love (2013)
Janet Brewster is the far right governor of a southwestern state. As a busy career gal, she has no time for love, and is in the process of rounding up all the brown people in her state to send them back to Mexico. Unfortunately for her, she falls for Jose (Gerard Butler in tan makeup) a proud Mexican law student who teaches her a thing or two about life and love. Co-starring Lupe Ontiveros as Jose's mother.
“Griefcase” (2012) - Lara Dearborne, successful Hamptons real estate agent (Jennifer Aniston), finds out that her womanizing, poor father (Nick Nolte) is marrying her rival at work, Cloris Alard (Lucy Punch.) She figures Cloris has an ulterior motive, so she hires Arthur “Ace” Devine, a snarky private investigator (Josh Brolin). Her attraction to him conflicts with her deteriorating relationship with Jason, an artistic, uninterested boyfriend (Gerard Butler, so she can laugh about their reuniting when he plays a different character.)
While Lara and Ace are on the case, they encounter a pot-smoking ‘hippie’ cop (Bill Hader, with dreads), a slimy local politician (Ben Stiller), and the wealthy and suave Lord Sandwich (Jon Hamm, who was blackmailed, it's not his fault), a Hamptons client, who courts Lara and makes Ace jealous.
It turns out Cloris is using the dad to conceal another marriage, and gets arrested for bigamy. It is revealed that Jason is Lara’s social “beard” – she pays him to pretend to be with her, so her friends are satisfied. The sad truth is, Lara’s difficult childhood has made her mistrustful of intimacy. But you can bet Ace fixes all that. And they end up married – with little ’uns!
Someone was asking for this thread.
Here you go.
I wonder if any of these movies were picked up. Her next movie "We're the Millers" sounds like something that would be concocted here.
What's really cracking me up about this thread are the various inappropriate ages Jennifer is supposed to be in these movies.
This was one of the best DL threads in ages.
This also sounds like a plot from this thread:
[quote]A Charlie Kaufman-esque mind-bender, the premise finds mild-mannered Paul (Duplass) and his feisty sister Abby (Aniston) setting out to change the box storage world with Paul’s invention of the 5-sided box. Kingsley plays a maniacal box magnate who seeks to thwart Paul and Abby’s success. Meanwhile, the invention also risks ripping a giant hole in the fabric of the universe. When Paul realizes the damage he’s causing, he races against time to put the galaxy back in order and save the girl of his dreams.
Cathy Alexander (Jen) is a movie star specializing in old-hat grade B rom coms which make money but bore the shit out of her. At home in Minneapolis she complains to her parents (Candy Bergen and Richard Jenkins) that her life has no meaning, which they have little patience for. Her old friend Lizzie (Toni Collette) a Twin Cities casting director comes to the rescue. Much to the chagrin of her agent (Stanley Tucci) and current boy toy, Brock (Ryan Kwanten), a model and aspiring actor, Cathy jumps at the chance to star in a Guthrie production of The Duchess of Malfi directed by her ex-husband, Lothar Michaels (Gregg Kinear, sporting a bad Austrian accent). Will it end in tragedy or comedy? It's no one's guess.
R231 Good, but you left out the cameo role for Ina Garten.
I missed this thread too! Glad it's back!
Politically On Purpose (2013)
Becca Snow (Aniston) is an aspiring journalist and left wing blogger who goes undercover as a maid in the Long Island compound of the Kenneby Family, a powerful New York political dynasty with suspected ties to a Mexican drug cartel, run by patriarch and five term senator Karl (Christopher Walken) and his alcoholic pill popping wife Kathy (Diane Keaton). Their youngest son Klement (Armie Hammer) is set to inherit the empire and Becca soon learns that all the rumors are true, but just as she is about to publish her scathing exposé on the family's sordid financial affairs, she falls for other son Griffith (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) the black sheep of the family who dreams of becoming a folk musician. Hilarity ensues when Karl's blackmailing mistress, who also turns out to be Becca's sociopathic college roommate Lexi (Amy Poehler), enters the picture and threatens to destroy everything! Will Becca choose between her career or HER HEART?! Also starring Nathan Lane in token supporting gay role and Mo'Nique in token supporting black role.
I Can't Stop Loving Bread!
Melissa St. Dennis is a successful trial lawyer working her way up to full partner status at her tony law firm in Chicago. She just may make it by her 29th birthday! However, when a smart new lawyer Denise Raydon (Olivia Wilde) is hired, the promotion is in danger. You see, Melissa is "big-boned"..."pleasingly plump"...hell, she's a fattie!
Watch Jennifer Anniston in her most moving role yet as Melissa, the whip smart 250 lb lawyer.
Melissa decides to lose the weight and become even more attractive than Denise. She hires personal trainer Taylor Kitsch (Brad Donning) to live with her and train her 24/7 in the hopes of losing the weight. Who could have predicted romance would blossom as the pounds melt away?
Who will will the battle for her heart? Brad or bread??
With Linda Lavin as Melissa's mom, Candice Bergen as the senior partner, and Rebel Wilson as the sassy best friend.
Come see Jennifer spend almost the whole movie in a fat suit!!
R241 - 39th birthday, not 29th.
Yes, Jermajesty! (2014)
Fresh out of grad school and unable to find a job in her field of paleontology, sexy and single Jessica Stinson (Jennifer Anniston) lands a job as a nanny for Jermajesty Miller (Jayden Smith), spoiled son of entertainment mogul Milton Miller (Will Smith). Working around the clock, Jessica knows she doesn't have time for love but finds herself falling for recently divorced Milton. However, when Jessica's troubled yet eccentric mother Patty (Chelsea Handler) and her chain-smoking yet sassy aunt Sarah-Beth (Reese Witherspoon) fall on hard times and are forced to move across country to join Jessica in Hollywood, Jessica is faced with making the choice between love and family while balancing her job duties as Jermajesty's personal assistant and her fledging career as a backup singer. Just when everything seems to be going Jessica's way, Milton's sexy fashion designer ex-wife Michellé (Miley Cyrus) shows up, threatening to take away everything Jessica has worked for.
"when Jessica's troubled yet eccentric mother Patty (Chelsea Handler) "
LOL Chelsea is younger than Jen.
R82 could work. I see Jennifer and DL fave, AnnE, fighting for the lead role.
This thread is hilarious.
[quote]"I Know, Right?" (2012)-
I thought this was the title of the Carline Kennedy Schlossberg biopic.
Someone should start a thread on Anne Hathaway Oscar-bait movie synopses.
r248, piss off and go start a thread then. It will bomb. This thread is a classic.
Love Love LOVE "Yes, Jermajesty."
The Funeral Planner - (Fall 2013) -
Clarissa Wollop is the funeral planner. She's ambitious, hard working and she knows exactly what to do and say to make any funeral a spectacular event. But when Clarissa falls madly in love for a handsome priest Clark Regency(Josh Duhamel), who suddenly dies of a heart attack while they were having sex in church! Her busy life becomes even more complicated. He is the dead in the biggest funeral of her career. Will she help him go to his final resting place in a farewell ceremony for the ages, or will Clarissa join him along. When it comes to love you never know what's going to happen.
Picture Perfect (Valentine's Day 2014)
Jennifer Aniston is dedicated career gal Kate who despite her talent just can't seem to move up the corporate ladder. Being a single girl, she is seen as being too unstable to promote so she lies and tells her boss that she has a fiance. She bribes her wedding photographer neighbor Nick (James Franco) to pose as her fiance when she gets invited to her boss's house for dinner.
After Kate gets her promotion, she has no use to continue the ruse anymore so she fakes a big fight with Nick in front of her boss and breaks off her "engagement". But Nick refuses to break up and tells Kate he has fallen in love with her for real. Now Kate must choose between her career or Nick. Maybe a career girl can have it all afterall!
Kailyn (Jennifer Anniston), Ruby (Beyoncé Knowles) and Noah (Oscar-Nominated Anne Hathaway) are "Stepsisters" in this heartwarming Christmas classic from New Line Cinema. Raised in the harsh streets of New York City, the sisters grew up singing in the city's most notorious bars and clubs in order to supplement the meager income of their parents (Victor Garber and Oscar-Award Winner Mo'Nique). However, a chance run-in with famed talent scout Max Gordon (Christian Bale) gives the sisters a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue their musical dreams by heading a musical revue show in Las Vegas. However, once in Vegas, the girls realize that everything is not what it seems. When news reaches the girls that their beloved cousin Dusty (Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Younger Actor in a Drama Series Chandler Massey) is stricken with a severe form of an illness, the sisters are willing to pull out all the stops to raise the money to pay for his expensive surgery.
LOL. i see what you did there. Not a fan of Jay Mohr?
R252 Excuse me, is there some reason I don't get the "Oscar-Award (sic) winner" modifier? Don't cross me!
Twin Cities (2013)
Isabella (Jennifer Aniston) and Ella (Emma Stone) star as fraternal twins in this twisted black comedy about what brings families together - and what pulls them apart! Ella is a renowned surgeon based in Minneapolis and Isabella is stuck in St. Louis - unemployed and still trying to get her act together! On the eve of their 28th birthday, the two twins agree to meet in the restaurant that is directly between the two cities to try to come to terms with what they *really* want in life, not knowing that tomorrow will be life changing in a way they never expected. Co-starring Ina Garten, Leah Remini and Garth Brooks.
My Way of Life (2014)
Jennifer Aniston is Joan Crawford in this neo-noir thriller based on Crawford's bestselling autobiography. Controversial, revered, loathed and disparaged, Crawford attempts to make sense of her life by unsuccessfully channeling her energy into throwing parties in Hollywood Hills and competing for scripts with women half her age. An unlikely turn of events, however, shows Crawford that everything that glitters may not be gold. Co-starring Academy Award Winner Angelina Jolie as Bette Davis, Academy Award Winner Charlize Theron as Christina Crawford, Brad Pitt as Clark Gable, Mandy Moore as Myrna Loy and introducing Ina Garten as June Allyson.
"My Sharona" (2014)
Isaac Schulman (Mark Ruffalo) never thought he'd return to Rochester, NY, but when his father (James Cromwell) suffers a stroke, he rushes to be by his hero's side. Although his emotional journey is initially devastating, things start to brighten up when Isaac crosses paths with his high school crush: Sharona Lieberman (Jennifer Aniston). Now a hospice nurse, Sharona teaches Isaac how to love in the face of adversity.
Public Defender (2014)
After giving herpes to the Managing Partner of her law firm (who then passed it on to his millionaire heiress wife), Junior Partner Alicia Allison Anapoulos is set up to lose a big case. Innocent Alicia is then thrown out of the law firm and is blackballed in the legal profession as an incompetent.
Alicia's Greek Orthodox family priest counsels her to become a public defender in Chicago to defend unjustly accused ghetto youths.
"Forget About Him" (2014)
Madison Wright (Aniston) is a single woman with a high powered career living in New York City. When her best friend, Ashley (Judy Greer) is dumped by her boyfriend Madison takes her to an exclusive spa in Maine to just forget about him.
However when they both fall for the same man, local fisherman (Josh Duhamel) antics ensue.
Michael Urie as Madison's sassy gay assistant
Debbie Reynolds as Rich Older Lady at Spa
Melissa McCarthy as Wise-cracking Fat Woman At Spa (who pops up at the most inconvenient times with witty one liners.)
Gabourney Sidibe as Sassy Masseuse
Little Big City
Bonnie (Aniston) lives in a small town in Missouri and is recently split from her cheating husband of over 20 years. Down in the dumps she by chance meets a charming man Paul (Robert Downy Jr) in the bakery she works at who is a top New York banker. On a whim she decides to pack up her clothes and heads to New York city and leave her life of a small town girl behind in search of love and herself. Also staring Amy Poehler as Bonnie's kooky friend Val and Monique as a character that's extra sassy. And probably some really flamboyant character thrown in there played by a straight actor.
Check, please! (2014)
Andrea Mitchell (Aniston) had it all - a beautiful boyfriend (Josh Duhamel), a bustling flower shop, and best friend Clarice (Mila Kunis), the co-manager of the shop. Everything seems to fall apart after Andrea catches her boyfriend cheating on her with Clarice. To make matters worse, the flower shop closes with a mound of unpaid bills that Clarice hid from Andrea.
Out of work, out of money, and out of love, Andrea creates a online dating profile as a way to get free dinners. Inadvertently, she enters a contest on the website and wins a year of "Date Dinners" at a local restaurant.
Hilarity unfolds at a series of bad dates at the restaurant, all of which are witnessed by hunky manager Todd (Jason Bateman). Will Andrea get back on her feet? Will she meet someone decent on this year of dates? Will she and Todd recognize just how right they are for each other?
Andrea's dates include memorable performances by Billy Bob Thorton, Dane Cook, Louis Anderson, Burt Reynolds, Jamie Foxx, and Stephen Hawkings.
R262, that is a great one...kill Jennifer and let ME do the part...
"Just Once" (2014)
BRIE WESTMAN (Jennifer Aniston) has it all; wonderful friends, a killer fashion sense, a great apartment, and a thriving career as an event co-ordinator. Her only regret, now that she's turned 30, is that she has no time for a boyfriend, whereas her partner/BFF/former sorority sister, IZZY LUDLOW (Katherine Heigl) enjoys the company of her doting companion, MILO ENDICOTT (Jared Harris).
Still, Brie and Izzy enjoy their work. Their only problem is the oafish clients who constantly hit on Brie, forcing her to "admit" that she and Izzy are lesbian partners. It seems that back in their sorority days, the two would make out for the entertainment of their boyfriends, and —JUST ONCE!— they went all the way, to see what it was like. ("Bucket list, done!" they laughingly recount to a bemused Milo at dinner one night, bumping fists at the memory.)
So now, if a man comes on too strong (like New York Knicks owner RAND McNULTY [Vince Vaughn in a cameo role]), Brie simply pulls a giggling Izzy onto her lap, giving the sap teasing eyes until he gets the hint…and sometimes an eyeful!
But things change when caustic press magnate HUNTER MacLEAN (Zach Galifianakis) hires the firm to do the launch of his new magazine, "Pulse". Although Brie is tempted to spurn his invitation to a "get to know you" dinner (Izzy is even hovering in anticipation), she agrees, seeing something in him. As Brie spends more time with him, she begins to wonder if Hunter is The One…
Or is The One for Brie actually the icily commanding Editor-in-Chief of "Pulse"… out and proud lesbian MELBA RIVINGTON (Halle Berry) ? At first put off, Brie eventually draws closer to Melba, watching "The Ice Queen's" perfectionist facade melt as she deals with her terminally-ill mother, REGINA (Irma P. Hall), and Brie wonders if she could ever really have a relationship with a woman. Was it really "Just Once" for her and Izzy…or has she been a lesbian in denial all along?
And now that Izzy and Milo are starting to have problems, does that mean that jealousy is rearing its ugly head? Hunter, Melba, or Izzy? Can Brie make the right choice…JUST ONCE???
Title track of the soundtrack is a new recording of James Ingram singing his 1981 hit .
Written and directed by Lisa "I'm sorry, okay??" Cholodenko.
Bella and Belinda (2014)
Set in the world of Beverly Hills, Jennifer Anniston stars as Monica Davis, a plastic surgeon to the stars. Her mother Bella (Barbra Streisand), a studio executive, is her most celebrated client. She is also a constant source of nagging for Monica, because she wants Monica to get married and have a baby. When Belinda Roberts (Meryl Streep, playing a rival studio head) comes in to see Monica for a facelift, she brings her son, Roger (Henry Cavill), and her gay BFF, Oscar-winner Basil Roberts (Tom Hiddleston). Monica complains to Belinda about her mother, and Belinda offers to set up Monica with an actor. But Monica reveals to Belinda that she is a lesbian. Belinda smiles and reveals to Monica that she had a long affair with her mother Bella, years ago when they were young actresses starting out in Hollywood. Armed with this knowledge, Monica bravely comes out to her mother. But Bella flips out and accuses Belinda of being a giant liar, and says it never happened and that Belinda has always been jealous of her success. She outs Belinda and Basil to the tabloids, and Basil comes out on television with his real lover, Roger. Equally enraged,, Belinda green lights a movie based on her true life love story with Bella. Sarah Harper (Anna Kendrick) plays young Bella, and Vivian Wright (Jessica Chastain) plays young Belinda. Monica begins dating the actress Vivian, which only enrages Bella more, since it's the young version of Belinda. The lesbian film within a film comes out and is a giant success. Ever competitive, Bella green-lights a gay rom-com film with Roger and Basil. That too is a giant success. During awards season, Bella finally decides to come out to get more attention. Not to be outdone, Belinda announces that her lover is Jodie Foster (cameo). Meanwhile, Monica and Vivian have an announcement of their own: Monica is pregnant and they will marry. With the flush of success all around, Bella and Belinda decide to bury the hatchet. The lesbian wedding is beautiful, and Beyonce sings for the brides. The film ends with Bella and Belinda doing press on the red carpet for a new co-production, arm in arm, funny and serene.
Baker's Half Dozen - Summer 2014
Brandyne Monroe (Aniston) is unhappily married, saving away money to win a cake baking contest so, with the prize money, she'll have enough cash saved to leave her husband Duke (Patrick Dempsey) and get out of her small town. She soon becomes pregnant, which thorws her plans awry. She bakes the best cakes at the interstate diner, grudgingly tolerates her boss Cletus(John C. Riley), is friends with Claudyne(Busy Phillips) and Earlene(Kristen Wiig) her fellow waitresses, and falls in love with the new sheriff in town (Josh Hartnett)
As her pregnancy advances, Brandyne's life with Duke start to take a drastic toll on her, she doesn't see any way out. So Brandyne does what she does best, she bakes Duke one of her best pies. What options does a baker have right? Duke soon becomes violently ill and dies days later. Brandyne buries Duke in the backyard with the help of her friends Claudyne and Earlene.
Soon the new sheriff is on the case. Watch as Brandyne tries to juggle life as a newly widowed mother and a love affair with the sheriff investigating her.
The Choice of a Life (2014)
Jennifer Aniston stars as Lainey Baxter, a successful hard driving feminist and successful abortionist in Chicago. She has opened a chain of successful for profit abortion clinics across the state but it has cost her. She is single and is suddenly feeling the need to settle down and raise a family.
Her best friend and assistant abortionist, Kazz Jeffeys, played by a sassy Wanda Sykes, tells her about an abortion clinic in rural Indiana that needs a doctor quickly. The last doctor was murdered by anti abortion activists. SO Lainey decides to risk all and goes to Indiana to help out the abortion clinic, once again, putting her love life on hold.
However, as she crosses the picket line, a man with a sign and piercing blue eyes grabs her attention. Milo Anderson,played by Bradley Cooper, is the leader of the local Pro life group and has also devoted his life to a cause, but after seeing the new abortion doctor in town, will he be able to remain anti choice, but pro doctor?
The most unlikely couple cross ideologies and boundaries to find love and the true meaning of what life is all about.
Jennifer is Macbeth "Macky" Van Glon, the daughter of hippies. Wild and free spirited, she has found a normal life now in Manhattan as a successful landscape architect in a large firm. She is dating a pro football lineman, Sam MacMillan,(Joe Manganiello). Life is perfect. While on a site in the Hamptons for a new home for gay wealthy Broadway star Linus Crenshaw(Bradley Cooper),she stumbles on remains of a large foundation of a building deep in the woods.
She is told by Linus not to go on that part of the estate and this makes her more curious over what the site could be. Later a party for the groundbreaking of the house is interrupted by a huge thunderstorm. Macky takes this time to see the mystery place again and takes Sam. while not noticing Linus is following them with his dog Barkley.
Lightning blinds them and they fall into the foundation. They emerge, with Linus in Sam's body, Sam in Linus' body and the dog talking as the maid of the house that existed there in the 1920's. Dog's voice Elaine Stritch.
Barkley tells them that they need to find out who burned the house down before everyone is back to normal. But they only have till a new moon rises.
Macky is kept busy as she tries to explain her future football player husband's new odd behavior on and off the field, and singing jags, along with trying to help her Broadway star client when he knows how to tackle but can't dance.
While at the library trying to find out info on how the house burned down, she sees a picture of her hippy parents living at the house before she is born. She must get the truth from them, and Barkley must hear it. do they know who caused the fire?
Will she know in time to get everything back to normal, and not hear wisecracks from the dog on her dresses?
Jennifer Aniston in "SwagLife" (2004)
When Roo Loin (Jennifer Aniston) the head of SwagLife a center for disenfranchised youth is faced with takeover by Talon Enterprises she hits on a cunning plan - enter her street dancer troupe into a tv talent contest, in hope of saving the enterprise. When Roo entrusts the troupe to her star dancer Nuke (Chris Brown), she doesn’t bank on Nuke’s brother Trunk (Shemar Moore from “Criminal Minds” and “The Young and the Restless”) taking a romantic interest in her and providing a troublingly sedate distraction from the crisis at hand. Meanwhile Millicent Talon from the corporation (Katherine Heigl) who just so happened to be Roo’s frenemie in high school pays her hipster drop-out brother Forge to take a crash course in street dancing and ebonics so he can act as a mole within SwagLife and sabotage the act on performance night. What Millicent doesn’t know is that her billionaire grandfather Norton (Donald Sutherland) tried to molest Roo at Milly’s 18th birthday party and is prepared to save SwagLife & betray his own granddaughter if Roo becomes his fifth wife.
Amid tensions in the troupe and as all eyes focus on the destiny of SwagLife, will it be Roo herself who becomes the architect of their own demise?
Find out this summer.
David's Burkas (2014)
Tehran. November 4, 1979. Protestors storm the American Embassy. Ten Americans escape out the back door. Six take refuge in the Canadian ambassador's house. The other, less fortunate four escape to the Polish ambassador's house.
In Washington, CIA Special Ops chief Lionel Babbit (James Gandolfini) assigns the task of rescuing the "Polish four" (Bradley Cooper, Henry Cavill, Matt Bomer, Matthew Morrison) to ex-Mossad agent Zora David (Jennifer Aniston), a spy known for her cunning, beauty, and misfortune in relationships. Zora concocts a crazy scheme to get the men out of Tehran: create a fake science fiction movie, fly into Iran, pass the hostages off as a film crew doing location scouting and fly them out with fake passports. When informed that this scheme is already in use for the Canadian hostages, Zora comes up with an even crazier scheme: dress the men in burkas and pass them off as an all-girl Dixieland band from Belgium on a goodwill tour of the Middle East.
Zora recruits veteran clarinetist "Sweetwater" Lipschitz (Woody Allen) to teach her the ropes about Dixieland and then flies to Tehran to rescue the men. She finds the men, who have been subsisting on kielbasa and beer but nevertheless have maintained their six-pack stomachs, living in the Polish ambassador's attic and going stir-crazy. Zora now has two weeks to teach them the "Muskrat Ramble" and turn the men into a world-class burka-wearing Dixieland ensemble. It's a race against time... and her own desires, as Zora finds herself the object of each of the sex-starved mens' affections. Can Zora put love on the line long enough to get the men to work together and pull off a concert in the Casbah?
With James Cromwell as Ayatollah Khomeini.
Jeanie in a Bottle (2014)
Jeanie McNamara (Jennifer Anniston) seems to have it all; a successful career as a hotshot interior decorator, a fabulous apartment, and a trio of best gals (Zooey Deschanel, Drew Barrymore and Christina Hendricks). But this talented 30 year is unlucky in love.
One day, while scouting for antiques at the flea market, she picks up an old brass lamp. That night, while polishing it, she releases the genji; Alexander Skarsgard. He'll grant her three wishes. What will Jeanie do? Conjur up world peace, riches, or the man of her dreams? You know what they say; be careful what you wish for!
Co-starring Catherine Zeta-Jones as Jeanie's mother, and Zachary Quinto as the gay next door neighbir
what point does Jenny become desperate and play a mute hooker in an Oscar bait film with lots of nudity?
In this gritty film we see Jennifer Anniston tackle the role of her life: Michelle Cominksy, a troubled young woman living on the edge. Michelle grew up on the streets after running away from home at 18. An abusive father, and an alcoholic mother provided no support for this partially deaf girl. Constantly teased and abused, she left for good.
Now she is living on the streets, turning tricks to make ends meet.
Her life takes a turn when a new woman's shelter opens up, and the manager Chris Pine tries to get her to open up. He knows about a new procedure that may restore her hearing. But will Michelle get clean long enough to qualify for the experimental procedure?
In a role destined to nab her an Oscar nomination, watch this realistic, brutal portrayal of a woman barely making it.
Gratuitous nudity, minimal makeup, and Anniston shaves her head for the delousing scene!
She's Funny That Way (2014)
The film centers on a married Broadway director (Owen Wilson) who falls for a prostitute-turned-actress and works to help her advance her career. Aniston will play a therapist whose mother is in rehab for alcoholism. The film co-stars Cybill Shepherd, Jason Schwartzman, and Eugene Levy.
"Baby On Board!"- (2013) Jennifer Aniston stars as travelling cosmetics saleswoman D'Nice DuPont, who attends a convention and drives away in the wrong canary yellow Cadillac- finding herself stuck with an unexpected stowaway! But where's Mama (Lady GaGa)?? Joining her on the search is sweet-but-stupid Cheap*Mart rent-a-cop Josh Brolin. CEO Iona Manson: Debbie Reynolds.
When Life Imitates Art (2015)
Caressa Athanasou (Jennifer Aniston) used to have it all: A hit TV show, her face on the cover of the hottest magazines, and an A-list actor husband (played by Bradley Cooper). Convinced that her post-TV career is destined to skyrocket, Caressa makes a decision that affects her marriage...and her life...for years to come.
Jennifer Connelly as Bethanney Dyk, a fellow actress and Caressa's best friend
James Cromwell as Dr. Sofer, the man who performs Caressa's abortion
and Introducing Kate Upton as Chantal Riva, who captures Caressa's husband's wandering eyes...and heart
Through the Mirror (2014)
In a dramatic turn not seen since "The Good Girl" we see Jennifer Anniston in the roles of her lifetime, the story of identical triplets Sherry, Shirley, and Shareen Goodfellow.
Watch the drama as career-focused Sherry is convinced to double for the weekend as housewife Shirley, while Shirley travels to Chicago for a tryst with her lover. Be astounded when Shirley is viciously murdered and then identified as Sherry! Fall off your seat when bad-girl gone good Shareen shows up to help Sherry masquerading as Shirley track down the killer!
With Jasmine Guy as Rose, the tough as nails homicide detective and Josh Brolin as Shirley's husband Dan.
Co-starring Lynne Redgrave as lesbian psychic Willow St. James.
"With Jasmine Guy as Rose, the tough as nails homicide detective"
Was Mariska too busy? :-)
"Fresh out of grad school and unable to find a job in her field of paleontology, sexy and single Jessica Stinson (Jennifer Anniston) lands a job as a nanny for Jermajesty Miller (Jayden Smith), spoiled son of entertainment mogul Milton Miller (Will Smith)."
This actually sounds better than the movie Will and his son are currently starring in...
Following the death of Michael "Golden Boy" Anastasia (James Woods), head of the Genovese crime family, the reins are reluctantly passed to his dutiful underboss (and daughter), Gloria "Gucci" Anastasia Stompanato (Jennifer Aniston). The move isn't popular at first, but Gloria quickly lets it be known who's boss by setting up a money laundering scheme that will net the Genoveses $500M--and usher her into the position of Capo di tutti capi (Boss of all Bosses)! However, when Carmine Capuzzo (Jay Baruchel), a disgruntled associate, is picked up by the FBI in connection with a murder...he quickly lobbies for a plea bargain that will get him out of prison in a couple of years. The only catch is, Carmine has proven to be fairly untrustworthy in the past, so the FBI assigns one of its best men, Dario Vapiano (James Franco), to bring down the Genoveses once and for all!
Hilarity ensues when Dario (under an alias) finds himself falling in love with Gloria; which garners him the unwanted attention of her husband, Paulie Stompanato (Bradley Cooper), a mob lawyer who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty.
Brenda Blethyn as Connie Anastasia (Gloria's mother)
Paul Sorvino as Dominic Girardhelli (Head of the Banano crime family, and Gloria's fiercest rival for Boss of all Bosses).
Rose Byrne as Vicki Stompanato (Paulie's sister and Gloria's best friend)
Three for the Road (2014)
In the most anticipated comedy of the year, come along for the trip as three thirtysomething BFFs travel cross country on a road trip to the 10 year college reunion. Marci (Jennifer Anniston) is a single, career driven LA based entertainment layer, with everything a girl needs but a good man. Anne (Gwenyth Paltrow) is a writer slumming as a production assistant while she crafts the Great American Novel. Victoria (Amanda Bynes) is a manager at a chic Rodeo Drive boutique.
As the travel cross country back to Wellesley, marvel as they confront pain, loss and love.
With James Franco as Cedar, the gay hustler, Channing Tatum as the tow trunk driver, and Kevin Kline as Victoria's parole officer.
"Pillow Talk" - 2014
EMMIE ANDERSON (Jennifer Aniston) is casting about for a dissertation topic when a student (Topher Grace) walks into Columbia's student health clinic asking her to sleep with him. No sex, just sleep. Determinedly non-sexual, he is one of thousands of "bed insecure" high-achieving, highly-stressed Manhattanites who cannot sleep unless someone is in bed with them. Pursuing this field of research, Emmie quickly finds herself in bed with ANNA (Anna Kendrick) a high-powered corporate litigation attorney worried about making partner...and about a certain male partner at her firm (AUSTIN, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt). When Emmie finds herself in bed with Austin, who can't stop talking about Anna, Emmie has to decide...pursue science, or pursue a new career as a match maker! Then there's PATRICK (Gerard Butler), Manhattan's hottest new actor/tv anchor/celebrity (director, pick one)bachelor who could have anyone woman he wants, but who only wants a good night's sleep...with Emmie.
Will She Ever (2014)
In the most compelling role of her career, Jennifer Anniston plays Annie Jennsen, a 30something sit-com star perpetually striking out romance-wise. After her third engagment to Hollywood heart-throb Dan Danworth (Henry Cavill)falls apart, Annie decides to balls out thumb her nose at the world.
She contracts lipstick lesbian Daphne Lewis (Drew Barrymore) to be her "merkin" and the two engage in a very public and very false lesbian romance.
Golfing, co-habitating, attending spoken word performances together, these two spend time together to get America off Annie's back.
What no one expected was true love to blossom. Or does it???
With Joe Namath as the LGBT lawyer, Valerie Perrine as the gay bookstore owner and Bradley Cooper as himself.