Please Help Me Plan My Beloved Husband's Birthday Party - It Could Be His Last
The love of my young life, Michael, turns 68 on September 25. That's a Tuesday, which is very lucky in my native Wales, so I am planning to throw him the party of his life on the previous Saturday, the 22nd, the Welsh Day of Llywelyn's Tears.
You've heard of the health issues. You don't know the half of it. If his father hadn't demanded a kidney and lung as payment for the CUCKOO property decades ago things might be different now, but I'm making the most of things. I'm planning. And I need this publicity. I made a movie with Bruce Willis. Help me.
So, my fans, PLEASE help me put together the best, biggest surprise party possible for my man's last birthday, haven forbid. Anywhere, anything. Color schemes, entertainment, menus, what I should wear - I need YOUR HELP.
And I would appreciate your assistance on the guest list.
Thank you, my darlings.
I got a surprise for you, Cathy. Hold still for a minute.
Ctaherine, you should do that comedy act where you sing Send in the Clowns while having a manic episode. It was very funny with the sweating and all.
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First off, we need to talk real preparations here. Is the will up-to-date? Have his ex, and his children with her, been stripped of any claims to property or funds? Did you buy several tasteful, black outfits that will show the world "I may be a widow, but look at this 31 year old sexy body"?
As the late Jackie O showed us all, marry the second time for enormous wealth. You can trade up to an even older billionaire next.
Now, for the party. Lots and lots of fried foods, lots of cheese. His favorite cigars. Liquor. Hell, grain alcohol. Whatever it takes to get him set on that final journey. Stat! I mean, you want to remarry before you turn 35, no?
What? This man is only 68? I know 80 year olds who look younger.