Seriously my best friends have an autistic son. They have just moved to England from Australia as there are schools that are better for autistic children there. It has been hard,but he is gorgeous and he is fun.
As a friend I try to be there for the ups and downs of this. There are slot of downs but the ups are fantastic. Hang in there,get help. The best thing my friends did was let their friends know so that we can understand that sometimes they won't always be happy.
We have all learnt so much from this don't give up. It will be alright
I am not OP, but thank you for your thoughtfulness R8.
Talk to Jenny McCarthy. Apparently, she can cure autism.
You do need to reach out for help because he's not going away, ever probably. My autistic nephew still lives with my sister and he is 32.
And then came the Mongoloid.
Bitch please. At least you haven't lost your job because of it!
honestly now.. I was nonverbal until the age of 8 and labled autistic. My parents refused to help in anyway and I spent most of my time in my bedroom... at some point I had to tell myself to snap out of it.. I am still very antisocial, but I had to learn to adapt, make eye contact and basically keep my mouth shut otherwise I would say things that were very hurtful.. but usually true. Like this post probably.. Tell your kid to snap out of it.
The OP is most likely a troll. I hope so, anyway. Anybody who would whine on a gay gossip board about the difficulty of raising a child with autism ("Poor, poor me! My son has autism! Poor, poor me!") is one big fat idiot.
Wait until you get fibromyalgia.
I imagine living with an autistic child is like living in hell. I would probably find a way to end the childs life. Sorry for my honesty.
R20 thinks gay chat begins and ends with porn links and closeted-gay-celebrity bitchiness.
Sorry you're having a bad time, OP, but you probably knew you were in for it by posting here about your son.
R20 sounds like a Republican. Never a compassionate thought for anyone.
Put him in foster care.
What the hell is autism anyway? Autistic kids actually seem like they'd be rather easy to raise. Do parents think it's hard because their egos aren't stroked 24/7 (I love you, Mommy!)?
R26, are you 14, or just an incredibly stupid, poorly-educated adult?
Or was that a lame attempt at humor?
Meanwhile, unless OP is a gay parent (and even if he/she is, given the way DL responds to personal posts these days), this is really, really not the place to share.
I'm no expert, but as I understand it, autism is essentially a "locked in" syndrome, where the person has extreme difficulty relating to people around him or her.
Essentially like most DLers, depending on his or her facility with typing.
You are a cunt, r26, and should have probably been an r 1...
However,since everything under the sun is labeled autism or 'autism spectrum' so yuppie mommies can have a unique, attention-seeking status, I can see where you'd come to that conclusion if you only saw the edge of the spectrum kids.
r28, it can be way, way more than just that depending on the severity.
R19 = Cher
Back in the day they were just labeled "retarded". I guess they came up with term Autistic to make parents feel better. And to sell drugs.
Some do seem to be retarded, some are very hard to deal with and what can you do with them when you are tired and worn out? Some fools have one autistic child and then they say...oh! Let's try again! Then they have two autistic children. What will we do with all of them?
My son has Aspergers.
He's 28 and does nothing all day but play video games and surf the internet. He has severe insomnia and constantly complains of digestive problems and aches and pains. We have done every test imaginable on him for the physical problems and it's all negative. But he's convinced he's got some illness.
I've taken him to numerous psychiatrists and none of them have been able to help.
He's an only child. I'm 57. You do the math. I've no idea what will happen to him when I'm gone and I'm in panic mode. So I feel for you OP.
I've seen some great threads come out of "taking OP's bait" r37.
R33, have you looked into GI flora disturbance, particularly Clostridium strains, as a cause for you son's symptoms?
Preliminary research is suggesting that toxins released by microbes might be causing the higher-functioning spectrum disorders.
The link below is a Canadian science program's report on this:
I need to know if the OP is a male or female. Well OP?
Some people should opt out of having children if they can't deal with the challenge of good parenting.
Well said R41.
I work with people with autism and you are in no way alone in what you express. It can be very isolating for the family, just as it is surely isolating for the person living with it. Is it a specific aspect of the autism presentation that you find difficult? A specific behaviour? Or perhaps exhaustion and stress that comes from meeting his challenging needs?
I don't know how it is where you live, OP, but there are increasing resource out there now, and support groups of both professionals and family members online.
One thing that you may wish to look into is a sensory assessment: some of my clients who have had the most challenging behaviours were expressing/meeting deep sensory needs and when we found other means for them to do so, their quality of life and that of those around them improved greatly. And, if you can get any respite care or even a friend to watch him for a few hours, take care of YOU for a bit. Best wishes to you and your son. Take care (and venting here or wherever, just relieving that pressure by saying what many think they ought not utter is actually probably a damn good thing.)
Daddy? Is that you? I'm not autistic; I just don't like you.
Add to the list of reasons the countless hours that you ignore me in favor of strangers on DataLounge, to whom you tell our most intimate secrets.
Having you as a father is about as rewarding as having me as a kid.
Do you know why I want to bump this thread? So that OP will see it, remember that he posted it, and be ashamed. But I suspect that I am giving him too much credit.
Bitches, Datalounge does an autism troll thread every month.
Where have you all been?
As for me, I've been in a land far, far away, where they haven't yet come to the conclusion that it's witty to address a group of men as "bitches."
typical fish. only wanted a kid to show off her vagine-centirc existence. when it isnt what she wanted ... hell, toss it away.
r3, did Mariah really say that once? I've always wondered where that Mariah expression came from?
OP, I don't blame you. I have a friend with one adult son with autism and another adult son with Aspergers and low intelligence. She's doing a great job taking care of them and also keeping up her own life and interests, but those young men are basically her life's work and I can't imagine what she's gone through in order to resign herself to that.
These are shitty times to have a special needs child as resources are being cut off left and right. I wish you all the best for yourself and your kid and hope you find the resources you need to get you both through this, because it sure as hell isn't something anybody can handle alone.
To all the autism spectrum deniers and Jenny McCarthyites: Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Take down your pants and slide on the ice.
Have you thought of just smacking the kid, and telling him that you've taken all you're going to take?
You have an autistic son, and yet you have enough free time to spend on DataLounge that it's worth your while to become a paying member, which enables you to start this thread? What are you complaining about?
r51 is an ignorant idiot.
If you start smacking an autistic child, you will never be able to stop. God! Grow the fuck up, you small minded turd!
Seems to me, R52, that simple pleasures are the best.
I love r7.
Jesus Christ some of you believe OP is real?
I'll be happy to play a few hands, but I can't deal, what with my son's autism.....
What the fuck did I tell you bitches, don't vaccinate. Sheesh.
Great -- skip the vaccinations, to increase the likelihood that the kid'll die and get out of your hair.
I've done everything a mother can do. I've locked her in her room, I've beat her with the car aerial. Nothing changes her. It's HARD being a loving mother!
Did you try wire hangers?
ms carey, yes love we all have problems, some of us dont have the cash, resourses or knowledge to deal with it. my son 17, bad time between child/adult, does your autistc child steal pathologically lie, snash thousands of pounds of household goods,try to torture the cat and try sexual advances upon it, does he with his sister would get cancer and die,or wish for her to be hurt, and raped and his latest, that she be electrocuted,no well maybe you cuold pay or him to go to one of your private shrinks, is yes to above i apologise, if not, i refer to my earlier statemnt, but it still seems you need to grow up a bit
Debbie, did you randomly google autism and come here?
Shitty trains of thought, bad grammar, and signing your real name.
It's easier to deal with illnesses when they are real and not something a shrink made up to justify bad behavior, bad parenting skills and his $250/hour fee.
r63 is a $cieno.
My friend's kid was acting like an asshole, and he goes to me, "I can do that cause I have AUT-ism."
I said, Well you should get aut-NOT-ism, because you ought not do that. And if you do it around me anymore, I'll slap the black off'n you.
Funny how he behaves around me
I just love how people without knowing what autism is all about start telling you what to and how to deal with an autistic child. I have an extreme spectrum autistic 4 1/2 year old, and I am 2 steps away from giving him to the state.
You no schooled people that dont know shit about shinola need to just get the heck out of this forum. I am so sick of people that judging people like this person that posted this.
some of you have or know kids with mild forms of this, but you have no idea what its like to deal with one with extreme spectrum. I feel you I know what your going through.
O know there's going to be people that shoot me down to but you know what I dont really care because im a pro when it comes to this, not them.
All I have to say is keep your head up, and if you have a God or belief pray to them. Thats the only thing that keeps me from giving him to the state is my faith in my God. one can only handle so much crap being thrown and spread on the walls and ceiling. one can only handle so much spit in your face. or scratches on your body or holes in your wall or broken cabinet doors and drawers or broken windows or a ton more violent and annoying things from your child. I know what your going through. With love, respect and understanding I am with you.
Autistic people dont lie or steal. they are incapable of lying. and what you make think is stealing is not, an autistic child or person no matter the age feels that everything is theres.
here is a story I wrote about how an autistic person sees life.
AUTISM ENTRY 8
A child with autism has something to say to you so called normal people.
My sensory perceptions are not like yours. My sight sound smell taste and touch are things that you don’t even think about because it’s a normal everyday things to you. But to me they are at times very painful and sometimes unbearable.
The place I live although normal to you, seems at times a hostile environment to me. you may think I am being withdrawn or belligerent but in this life I’m just trying to defend myself.
My sight is like a fast shooting camera that’s why I don’t look at you for very long if at all. When I look at you my mind takes a thousand pictures all at ones and it becomes over whelming and if I keep looking at you I will freak out.
My hearing is amplified beyond your understanding I cannot take in as much information as you can if there are too many people taking I freak out. if the room is quiet and a loud noise happens I freak out.
When you tell me no or you can’t or you choose not to. You need to understand I have no idea what you are talking about because can’t understand what is right and what is wrong. all I do is try and comfort myself in whatever I do.
Receiving information and expressing things don’t work for me it’s not that I don’t want to listen it’s that I don’t understand you.
I am a strait forward thinker you have to be literal with me because I don’t understand anything other than strait forward facts. For instance if you say it’s raining cats and dogs to me when you pour me a glass of water I see pets coming out of the pitcher. So please just tell me it’s raining real hard. Things with double meaning nuances and sarcasm are nonexistent in my head; I just don’t know what you mean.
Be patient with me, I am unable to express what I’m feeling, or what I need. I may be Hungry, scared, frustrated or confused but I am unable to tell you that because of my lack of ability to express myself.
The flip side I may appear to you as a genius.
When you tell me to do something I am clueless you have to show me over and over again and in time I will understand, so please be patient with me.
Please focus on the things I can do rather that what I am unable to do. Like any normal person I am unable to learn in an environment that makes me feel that I’m not good enough or that I’m broken and need to be fixed.
Try and find my strengths because I have a lot of them and remember there is more than one right way to do things.
I may seem anti-social but you can help me with that because I don’t know how to play with other kids if I hurt them I don’t mean to its just my way of playing. Show me how to play with other kids remember you have to keep showing me. telling me don’t work very well you have to show me.
Try and stay focused and try and figure out what kicks of my meltdowns, because one or more of my senses has gone in to overload. When you find out what causes my meltdowns you will be able to prevent them from happening in the future.
Most importantly just love me unconditionally and lose the thoughts of why can’t he just… and if he would only… I did not chose to be autistic God made me that way because that’s how he wanted me to be made I am special in my own way, you do not have the right to say I am not normal. Besides what is normal anyway I don’t understand that because I think I am normal.
And remember this you’re not the one going through these things I am so please try and be understanding and help me through this at times unbearable life.
Without your support I may never have a self-supporting life on my own stick with it keep teaching me I love you, shouldn’t you love me? Please keep trying, if you do the possibilities are endless. I promise you I am worth it.
You are my foundation please don’t crack on me or break I need you to hold m
OP get off of DL and go get professional help. You're unfit.
Severe autistics need to be sent away, OP, as we are not equipped to handle them.
Everyone need to understand something: because of their disabilites with sounds and smells, most of their day is spent trying to process these sensory overloads.
You, me, and the cat is not as important to them as this need to filter out sounds and smells. We really don't matter to them. And dare I say, they don't love us.
If this puts anything into perspective, take heed: your autistic son does not love you like you love him. He can't. It's not his fault, or your fault. It just is.
Now that the reality has been established, the best course of action is to find some kind of home or facility to give him his creature comforts without breaking your bank account.
He will have to go on some kind of public assistance to get help. You'll have to take him, he won't go by himself. You may have ot bribe him with ice cream or something.
It's not fair for you or him to keep a severely autistic son in your house forever..
don't lie---autistics LIE all of the time.
They also manipulate as well.
Oh, honey. Get a turntable, turn it on, put him in front of it, then take yourself to a nice lunch and a movie.
[R70] please do not generalize and stereotype ALL autistics do not lie FFS. I work with nonverbal autistics so they can't really lie now can they?
You can give older children up for adoption, correct?
r73 You sure can. I saw a 20/20 about dummies that adopt problem Russian kids and when the kids are in fact problematic and troubled, they just send them back. It's really sweet.
Leave him on someone's doorstep.
autism ruined my sister her husband hr son and me my mom and everyone around..it would be better if her son were NOT BORNthats the TRUTH ...he sucks the life from all people who can have one yet he is useless.
PLEASE FIND A TEST PRE NATAL AND GET RID OF THE LIFE DESTROYERS..IT WILL BE A BENEFIT
autism speaks s alla sham...try to SPEAK THE TRUTH ..instead of trying to convince people there is hope for these monsters ...put them away and live life
That's what attics were invented for!
don't try to kill him like
kelli stapleton did to her daughter izzy
Read this article. And read it all the way to the end. Then buy the book. It will help.
I have a friend whose daughter is autistic, but he and his wife are so young and somewhat stupid, they won't acknowledge it.
the worst are the ones who are non verbal
all they do is grunt
I completely understand how you feel all these retards on this thread are idiots that have no clue as to the time it takes away from your life. caring for an extreme autistic child requires your undivided attention 24 hours a day with no time for your self. no life is not fair it nas never been. But i still understand what you are going through. I have an extreme autistic child that is 100 miles an hour all day every day. if you take your eye off of him for 1 second he will destroy your house. our sons room is a total disaster area he has busted through the walls and there are holes all over his room to where you can see the wooden studs. he has torn off out cupboard doors and drawers busted out all the closet doors. and this is just the beginning of the hell we go through. no one i mean no one understands what we go though except us. all these retards leaving these unschooled comments are worthless to you. dont listen to them.
I am surprised at your choice of the word, 'retard' given you have a special needs child of your own.
I feel bad for anyone going through this. But this forum is not the place for comfort, you need to be sharing with a community of people going through the same. Hardly anyone here is able to see what you're going through. I truly hope you find a place of comfort and understanding. You have a special role to play here in this life.
Has that kid aged into a look that wouldn't draw attention in a hotel, and have you managed to keep the weight off him?
Interesting article. One night when I was 11 I woke up feeling I couldn't breathe, that the walls were closing in on me and that everything was painful to the touch. I was in terror screaming all night. I don't know what they did to get me to sleep. The next day the doctor said it was the croup but that just didn't seem right. Anyway it never came back. But imagine that all day every day.
Bumpity for an amusing thread (which DL is sorely lacking nowadays!)
r84 your son sounds violent and possibly dangerous. Are there any options to put him in some kind of group home? Are there any other kids?
I Will never understand the worth of autistic children.
It seems like it doesn't take a whole lot to be diagnosed with autism these days. Every cousin of mine with a boy under 10 has had them diagnosed as such. They post FB pics and videos and they seem very normal to me. Especially the two-year-old.
To all the people being judgemental go and get fucked. You should never judge a person until u walk in their shoes. Its easy for people in glass houses to throw stones all high and mighty. Autism is so hard to deal with and no teacher therapist professional or arrogant judgemental idiot on here has no right to say they know how hard it is unless they themselves have an autistic child. And even then no child on the spectrum is the same some are significantly more placid then others. It is obvious you are having a bad time but this may pass. Then you will have positive times then negative times and so on. Try and get into as many services as you can, but be careful what you say on the 'bad' weeks where you feel like your not coping because professionals have to report it and I would hate for you to lose your child over a bad week and regret it later. Most importantly get yourself into some services with respectable psychologists and support groups and also sign up for emergency respite so that when you are not coping you have someone to give you a break. Hang in there. I know its hard. I have two boys 22 months apart both severely autistic and I haven't got any family or friends around me that can help so I do it all alone 24/7 and it gets tough. I also lost my Mum and it annoys me when people winge about their 'normal' kids being hard work and see them palm them off to their grandparents every weekend talking about their own dramas such as their kid woke up once in the night they had a fight with someone or they locked the keys in the car. No one knows how hard it is to have a child with special needs. The small thing people take for granted like being able to take their kids to play footy, ho I wish my boys could play a sport. Going grocery shopping is a sport for us. After school play dates while our kids are in speech therapy. People just have no idea.
And to the person saying all kids get diagnosed and that all your nephews have it and pretty much implying that autism is bullshit, have you spent a week sleeping at these people's houses. It took my best mate 6 months before she saw my sons autism. She didn't realise what it was until she saw that he won't eat anything but meat, won't sleep, throws his toys constantly and melts down when we change his routine, all the things u don't see behind closed doors. Every child does these things once or twice a week but children on the spectrum do this 4 or 5 or more times a day so what you may see as normal is not because of the frequency of it. Do you know what is meant by communication delay? No didn't think so. My son can talk fluently but if he doesn't want vegemite on his toast instead of saying I don't want vegemite I want cheese, he says I don't want this and can't explain what he does want so for an hour we hear him scream that he wants toast but he doesn't want toast but he wants toast but he doesn't want it, he just hasn't got the skills to explain that he wants toast but not vegemite on it, and he screams. So unless you know the ins and outs of autism shut up
It should be against the law to post with proper punctuation.
R95 I am sorry that your life is so difficult. However, when you decided to have kids, you accepted the risks- of having a genetically defective child(ren). You need to accept that because you made this decision, it has irrevocably changed your life.
Your former life is gone. This is your life now, taking care of this mentally disabled, non-communicative offspring. You probably should not have amy more children, given the genetic risk factors. you may never have a meaningful, lasting intimate relationship again, given that all your energy must go to your children. Your children will probably live with you until you pass, unless tax payer subsidized housing is available for them.
Those of us who made a decision to not have children do provide incredible support to you- our (high) taxes go to pay for individual aides, special Ed teachers and smaller classrooms, therapists, supportive housing, medical care, etc for your children. Rather than complaining, you should be thankful that so many tax payers subsidize your life and the lives of your children. It sounds as though these kids will never be able to work .
Non-breeding tax payers like myself will be contributing to the care of your disabled children throughout their lives. Rather than complaining, you should express praise and thanks upon us. Our long work hours and forgoing of things like vacations, a new car, etc all go to the upkeep of this ever-growing legion of disabled, mentally deficient and financially dependent offspring.
R98, you seem like an exceptionally evil person. I fucking hope to God you are not a gay man because Jesus Christ, if you are, you make the rest of us look absolutely awful.
Either way, as a human being, I am fucking ashamed of you. I can only imagine what the people in your life who *have* to love you think.
Just fucking disgusting.
R98, please admit that you're trolling, because...
You're honestly telling someone whose life genuinely sucks that it's her own fault and she should be GRATEFUL the rest of us pay our taxes?
You don't deserve to be human, but I don't know what other species would admit you. Even the man-eating grizzly bears have their standards.
Is having a disabled relative a good reason to feel suicidal? People make fun of my brother and it bothers me that he can't be appreciated for things other people are.
I think we all have challenging days when your child is autistic. It is a struggle. I can't believe how horrible some of the replies are. As a parent of a child with autism I agree with you, and must respectfully remind you that this is your baby. He needs you. I have recently started started my son on B12 therapy along with some additional homeopathic treatments. There is hope. My son responds well to extravagant positivity. Look for the good, cry when you have time alone and pray for strength. We all have those day.