Famous disses

What are some memorable celeb slap-downs? It could be a putdown, or some other kind of snub.

• Bette Davis on Joan Crawford: “She has slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie.” Nancy Astor: "If you were my husband, I would poison your tea." Winston Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it." Dorothy Parker on Katherine Hepburn: "She ran the gamut of emotions from A to B."

• Diana Ross pushing the Supremes away from the microphone on the Motown Reunion special.

• Supposedly, Linda Ronstadt threw a fish bone at Carly Simon when Carly poked fun at one of Linda's albums. Not really witty or clever, but still fabulous.

• She speaks five languages and can't act in any of them. - - - John Gielgud (about Ingrid Bergman) Hah! I always knew Frank would end up in bed with a boy! - - - Ava Gardner (about Mia Farrow's marriage to Frank Sinatra) I look at my friendship with her as like having a gall stone. You deal with it, there is pain, and then you pass it. That's all I have to say about Schmadonna. - - - Sandra Bernhard (about Madonna)

  Anonymous

• Thanks for those. I had heard the Winston Churchill one before.

• She ought to be arrested for loitering in front of an orchestra. - - - Bette Midler (about Helen Reddy) Every word she writes is a lie, including "and" and "the." - - - Mary McCarthy (about Lillian Hellman) Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host a new Fox reality show called Mr. Personality. Lewinsky says this way, when people ask her the most degrading thing she's ever done, she'll have a new answer. - - - Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live

  Anonymous

• Does this count? One of the most famous disses as far as I'm concerned. Of course Churchill has produced some of history's best, as r1 points out.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DO-7gpgXNWYI

• I don't get the Lewinksky put down.

• Joan always cries a lot. Her tear ducts must be close to her bladder. - - - Bette Davis (about Joan Crawford) She looks like she combs her hair with an eggbeater. - - - Louella Parsons (about Joan Collins) Elizabeth Taylor looks like two small boys fighting underneath a thick blanket. - - - Mr. Blackwell

  Anonymous

• Oscar Wilde: "I wish I had said that." James McNeil Whistler: "You will, Oscar; you will.”

• R8-I would say the most degrading thing Lewinsky had done was to suck off the President regularly and then go public with her dress with his dried cum on it. That a Fox reality show would be even more degrading is the J-O-K-E.

  This%20place%20is%20getting%20too%20STOOPID%20to%20be%20believed......

• The other famous Churchill putdown: Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.” Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

• Senator Lloyd Bentsen to Republican vice-presidential candidate Senator Dan Quayle in response to Quayle comparing himself to JFK: "Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy, I knew Jack Kennedy, Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."

• Someone said something like "Elizabeth Taylor in CLEOPATRA barged down the Nile and sank."

  Edga

• I was going to write Lou Gehrig's when I realized I misread the title of this thread.

• Claire Booth Luce holding the door: "Age before beauty." Dorothy Parker walking in: "Pearls before Swine."

• R13 is one of those thread jumpers who must leap before she looks. R13, we've looked at R7's link. We took the time to read R7's post. R7 is a friend of ours. R13, you're no R7.

• Boy George on George Michael ... "He looks like a dwarf dipped in pubic hair.

• Sorry --- That was actually Boy George on PRINCE.

• "Kissing her was like kissing Hitler." "She could afford to be a little more magnanimous and a little less of a cunt."

• [quote]R13, we've looked at [[[[R7]]]]'s link. We took the time to read R7's post. R7 is a friend of ours. R13, you're no R7. Oh, do go fuck yourself, r17. Due to computer problems I can't see YouTube right now. Gosh, sorry I so deeply offended you. Asshole.

  r13

• My favorite is the old story about director Fred Zinnemann (8 Oscar nominations/3 wins) who gave us High Noon, From Here to Eternity, Day of the Jackal, Oklahoma, Julia, Man for All Seasons--well, you get the idea. [quote]He is widely credited with an incident known as "you first". The story goes that when Oscar winner Zinnemann sat down in a office for a meeting with a young movie executive, the executive asked him to list what he had done in his career. Zinnemann humiliated the executive by reportedly answering, "Sure. You first.".

• Lady Nancy Astor, after hearing Winston Churchill tell her that having her (a woman) in Parliament was like having her intrude upon him in his bath: "You are not handsome enough to have such fears" Lady Astor again, after Churchill asked her what he should come as for a masquerade party: "Why don't you come sober, Prime Minister?"

• "Why is it all Irish Catholics are such social climbers? Do you suppose it's because their mothers were all maids?... Oh, I don't mean you." --Gore Vidal to Dominick Dunne

• Madonna and Mariah fight

  http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DLd4h079nPrs

• Mariah disses Madonna

  http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D4mvgB44H1eA%26feature%3Drelated

• At a dinner party, Winston Churchill asked the woman sitting next to him if she would sleep with him for one million dollars. After hemming and hawing, she agreed that yes, she would. Then, he asked her if she would sleep with him for one dollar. She was offended, "What do you think I am, a prostitute?" she indignantly replied. "Madam" Churchill said, "We've already established what you are, now we're just haggling over the price."

• Elle Fanning in Vogue magazine, talking about attending her a Chanel couture show: “Dakota was so jealous! She’s never been to a couture show so I have one on her.”

• r17, Bravo! Great parody

  r7%2C%20laughing%20aloud

• [quote]Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.” Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.” She should have replied: "Looked at yourself in the mirror lately, Winston? You'll be ugly in the morning too."

• You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good . . . Joan Crawford is dead. Good. -- Bette Davis

• The first day of the shoot of ALL ABOUT EVE: Celeste Holm (walking on to the set): "Good morning, Miss Davis!" Bette Davis: "Shit! Manners!"

  I%20love%20that%20Davis%20was%20so%20cunty%20just%20for%20the%20hell%20of%20it

• "A vacuum with nipples." —Otto Preminger on Marilyn Monroe

• A woman once ran up to Noel Coward and said, "Oh, Mr. Coward, Mr. Coward, please say something ironic" to which he apparently replied: "Madame, how delightful to meet you." Another time a man asked Truman Capote in Key West if he would autograph his penis to which Capote reputedly replied: "well, perhaps I could initial it." Shelley Winters was required to audition for a part later in her career. She arrived, sat down, opened her bag and quietly placed one of her Oscars to her left and the other to her right. Elisabeth Welch was also asked to audition late in her career. When she took to the stage, the much, much younger director asked what she would be singing to which she replied: "well, this is the *first* song Cole Porter wrote for me." Any or all of those may be apocryphal but they are all delightful.

• "What's your name, dear?" "Jean Harlow" "So the "t" is silent?"

• . Noel Gallagher on Jack White “He looks like Zorro on doughnuts.”

• Elton John on Madonna “Anyone who lip-synchs in public on stage when you pay £75 to see them should be shot.”

• Boy George on Elton John “All that money, and he’s still got hair like a fucking dinner lady.”

• Brangelina diss Miss Ryan Seacrest

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjlN0Fna2oQ

• “Hollywood - that's where they give Academy Awards to Charlton Heston for acting” Shirley Knight

• Bette on Joan: “Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it's because I'm not a bitch. Maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies.”

• Tallulah Bankhead to some hapless acquaintance: 'They said you weren't fit to eat with pigs, but I defended you and said you were.' Gore Vidal, having been knocked to the ground at a party by Mailer: 'Once again, words fail Norman Mailer.' Gore Vidal, on hearing of Capote's death: 'Good career move.'

• [quote]"Why is it all Irish Catholics are such social climbers? Do you suppose it's because their mothers were all maids?... Oh, I don't mean you." That is hilarious.

• Another one from Bette about Joan while filming Baby Jane: "What is it with all her goddamned presents? Christ, she's like a dykey schoolgirl with a crush on the tits and twat at the next desk!" I love Bette's bitch mouth.

• Truman Capote on Jack Kerouac: "That's not writing, it's typing"

• Journalist: "Dame Barbara, do you think class barriers have broken down?" Barbara Cartland: "Of course they have! Otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here talking to a person like yourself."

• "Slap-downs"? Dahling, I slap them down, for real!!

  Zsa%20Zsa

• Dorothy Parker, upon being told that Clare Boothe Luce was kind to her inferiors: "And where does she find them?"

• Dorothy Parker to Gerturde Stein: You've been under more men than a nautical toilet.

• Noel Coward to Edna Ferber (dressed in her dykey outfit): Why Edna, you almost look like a man in that suit! Edna Ferber: As do you, Noel....as do you!

• Maria Callas, when asked about the comparisons between her, and rival soprano Renata Tebaldi, said: " it's like comparing Champaigne to Coca Cola."

  R.%20Bing

• Lillian Hellman speaking of Norma Shearer: "Her brow is uncluttered by thought."

  Ann

• Joan Collins on the Tonight Show, re the popularity of movies like "Babe" with Hollywood studios: "Why pay Demi Moore five million dollars when you can just get a talking pig?".

• National Lampoon's Churchill Wit is hilarious

  http://billanddavescocktailhour.com/the-churchill-wit/

• Mariah gives a very curt answer about J Lo.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D-lposG3n5u4

• Earl Wilson, gossip columnist: Miss Bankhead, are you ever mistaken for a man on the phone? Tallulah Bankhead: No, dahling ... are you?

• Margaret Truman Daniel, on [italic]The Merv Griffin Show,[/italic] discussing whether women should reveal their age: I'm quite willing to say that I'm 43. Tallulah Bankhead: Dahling, [italic]please[/italic]! People are eating!

• "Dramatic art in her opinion is knowing how to fill a sweater" -- Bette Davis on Jayne Mansfield "I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body." -- Walter Matthau, to Barbra Streisand "She has a face that belongs to the sea and the wind, with large rocking-horse nostrils and teeth that you just know bite an apple every day" -- Cecil Beaton, on Katherine Hepburn "I always knew Frank would end up in bed with a little boy!" -- Ava Gardner (about Mia Farrow's marriage to Frank Sinatra) "He's in danger of waking up one morning in his own arms." -- Mamie Van Doren, on Warren Beatty "A great zircon in the diadem of American literature" -- Gore Vidal on Truman Capote

• Should you say, "he pings more" or should you say, "he pings worse"?

• Gore Vidal, what an asshole?

• "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

• What's this I hear about famous diseases? I suppose smallpox is one, but I don't believe everyone gets it. Everybody gets a cold, but it's not like you're famous because you have one, that's silly.

  Emily Littella

• Winston Churchill was BITCHY. Too bad such a brilliant man had a heart as ugly as his face.

• Actors are cattle.

  Alfred%20Hitchcock

• You can put that Sarah Siddons Award where your heart oughta be. Er....I paraphrase.

  Margo Channing

• "She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age." Oscar Levant (about Zsa Zsa Gabor) "Her body has gone to her head." Barbara Stanwyck (about Marilyn Monroe) "Elizabeth Taylor's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin." Joan Rivers (on Elizabeth Taylor) "A great actress, from the waist down." Dame Margaret Kendal (about Sarah Bernhardt) "She turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines." Joan Rivers (about Bo Derek) "It's a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what's between her ears instead of her legs." (Katherine Hepburn (about Sharon Stone))

• Surely, Hepburn was hep to porn.

• President Lincoln received a dispatch from one of this generals signed: Headquarters in the saddle. Whereupon Abe said: He has his headquarters where his hindquarters ought to be.

  Todd

• Ru Paul to Milton Berle: "You used to wear gowns, and now you wear diapers."

  Luv%20u%2C%20Ru%21

• A telegram exchange between George Bernard Shaw and actress Cornelia Otis Skinner, who was enjoying great success in Shaw's "Candida" on Broadway: GBS: "Excellent! Greatest!" COS: "A million thanks but undeserving such praise." GBS: "I meant the play." COS: "So did I."

• Musician on musician...

  http://flavorwire.com/200333/the-30-harshest-musician-on-musician-insults-in-history

• Boy George on Bananarama: "I only sleep with girls who wash their hair."

• Dorothy Parker, on being told Calvin Coolidge had died: "How can they tell?"

• "If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised." —Dorothy Parker

• Chuck Jones on Hanna-Barbera: "Its not animation. It's illustrated radio."

• Groucho Marx was approached in a restaurant by a fan. The fan said it would be a great honor if Groucho would come to their table and insult his wife. Groucho looked at the wife and replied "If she were my wife I'd have no trouble thinking up insults".

• A great William Styron quote, but no one seems to know to whom he was referring: "I'd call her a cunt, but she lacks both the depth and the charm."

• Groucho to Margaret Dumont: "I can see you and me married. I can see you bending over the stove. I can't see the stove!"

• I'm loving this thread. Some VERY funny quotes I've never heard before.

  Anonymos

• Michael Jackson on Madonna: "Let's face it. She can't sing. She's just an okay dancer. What does she do best? She knows how to market herself. That's about it." And after MTV agreed to create the 'Video Vanguard of the Decade' award *snicker* for Jackson, he said "That'll teach the heifer." Madonna on Jackson: "I'd rather look like a cow than a space-alien drag queen."

• Ah, to be as witty as Bankhead and Davis.

• Sean Penn was at Christopher Hitchens's apartment for dinner. During the chat another guest teased 'You're going to hell.' Penn said 'I've already been there. You forget I was married to Madonna for four years.'

• Every single one I would post is here!

• One of my favorites is from a gathering of the Inklings, the famous writing group of Oxford dons. JRR Tolkien was reading from "The Lord of the Rings" (then in progress and unpublished), and during a pause in his reading, Hugo Dyson groaned, "Oh God, not another fucking elf!" (Eventually, Tolkien gave up reading from his work altogether at these meetings because so few of the Inklings were interested in it.)

• These are some great quotes. It just makes me even more aware of how things have changed. Just compare any of the DL threads, even those on the WW to the quotes in this thread...

• [quote]"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised." [quote]—Dorothy Parker Please parse this one, O witty friends. I don't get it and it's bothering me.

  Clueless%20Clara

• "Laid end to end" = Each girl getting fucked one after the other. Dorothy Parker was so naughty.

• Charlie Sheen on Keanu Reeves... "I mean, how does fucking Francis Ford Coppola, one of the greatest filmmakers of our time, see Keanu Reeves's work, see what we've all seen, and say, 'That's what I want in my movie'? How does Bertolucci see that and say, 'That's my guy'? Emilio and I sit around and just scratch our fucking heads, thinking, 'How did this guy get in?' I mean, what the fuck? How does Keanu work with Coppola and Bertolucci and I don't get a shot at that, know what I'm saying? "Maybe I should become a heroin addict," Sheen says, dissing Young Hollywood. "Maybe I should roam the fucking streets at 5 a.m. and hang out at fucking coffee bars."

• Most leaders are probably sociopaths.

• Joan Crawford wins for best pre-meditated and well planned slap down! In 1963, the Best Actress race at the Oscars boiled down to a heated battle between Bette Davis for Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? and Anne Bancroft for The Miracle Worker (though the other nominees, Katharine Hepburn, Lee Remick, and Geraldine Page, all gave sterling performances as well.) Well, that darling little Joan Crawford -- who'd feuded with Bette Davis on the Baby Jane set, as well as all her adult life -- had craftily sent letters to the non-Davis nominees saying that in case they couldn't make the awards ceremony, she'd gladly be there to accept for them. And so, as absentee Bancroft was named the winner, out barrels Joan Crawford to hold that trophy and rub it in Bette Davis's face. The look of sheer & utter delight on Joans' face is priceless! Later on that night while still holding Bancrofts' Oscar, Crawford sweeps victoriously past a dejected Bette Davis with the words 'pardon me !", the last words she evr spoke to Davis.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DeqjO39TX5RY

• Tallulah Bankhead was attending a Catholic mass when a priest came down the aisle swinging the incense burner: "Dahling, I love your gown but your purse is on fire."

• [quote]Later on that night while still holding Bancrofts' Oscar, Crawford sweeps victoriously past a dejected Bette Davis with the words 'pardon me !", the last words she evr spoke to Davis. Crawford actually began shooting HUSH, HUSH, SWEET CHARLOTTE with Bette Davis. I am all but certain that this took place after the notorious Oscar battle. Hard to believe she would have been on the same set as Davis for even a few days without ever once speaking a word to her.

• Aretha's not here?

  http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DCUN497Hs04U

• "She's good at playing peasants" Sophia Loren on Gina Lollabridgida

• From an old ASG post - "Mel Gibson is somewhere to the right of Attila the Hun. He's beautiful, but only on the outside." --Susan Sarandon "Charlton Heston--a graduate of the Mt. Rushmore school of acting." --Edward G. Robinson "Charlton Heston has a bad memory. He still thinks he's Moses parting the Red Sea" --Barbara Stanwyck "My favorite American lesbian!" --Clifton Webb on Barbara Stanwyck "Kevin Costner is like Oakland: there is no there there." --Marcello Mastroianni "Richard Gere is the crankiest actor I've met. He doesn't smile; he leers. Not exactly an intellectual either...For a while, that dropping-his-pants bit was an effective gimmick for the screen, but any way you measure it, his talent isn't big enough." --Cornel Wilde "Take away Julia Roberts' wild mane of hair and all those teeth and those elastic lips, and what've you got? A pony!" --Joyce Haber "Whitney Houston reminds me of that plasticky cheese that's had all the soul pasteurized out of it. She's pretty, but for a singer, pretty shouldn't matter; however, that's her main asset." --Sandy Dennis "I'm not a fan of Meryl Streep. Or as I call her, Meryl Creep. I think she's creepy. Anyway, life is difficult enough without Meryl Streep movies." --Truman Capote "Catherine Deneuve is an iceberg. Gorgeous, but an iceberg. And her beauty is melting, melting, melting ..." --Steve McQueen "Jane Fonda--from Barbarella to Stepford Wife." --David Frost "Bette Midler's a comic actress, but she missed her calling. She'd prefer to be a great tragedienne. She'll cry at the drop of a cue." --Geraldine Page "Working with Barbra Streisand is pretty stressful. It's like sitting down to a picnic in the middle of a freeway." --Kris Kristofferson "Barbra Streisand has as much talent as a butterfly's fart." --Walter Matthau "I've enjoyed wonderful health. The only time I ever got sick was when I watched Barbra Streisand in 'Hello Dolly!' on an airplane." --Carol Channing, star of Broadway's 'Hello Dolly!' "What they call Rosalind Russell...I can't repeat, but it does rhyme with 'witch,' and you'll find her sort in a kennel!" --Ethel Merman, star of Broadway's 'Gypsy' (Russell starred in the movie) "The first time I heard of Madonna, I thought she was a nun. Nowadays, people wonder, What has Madonna got? Has she got beauty, talent, charisma? The correct answer is: Nun of the above." --Joan Rivers "Madonna and Sean Penn--beauty and the beast, but guess which one?" --Joan Rivers "Sharon Stone...It's a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what's between her ears instead of her legs." --Katharine Hepburn "I am a very nice person and I don't like to talk about the dead even if they were rotten eggs." --Mercedes McCambridge on Joan Crawford "There is not enough money in Hollywood to lure me into making another picture with Joan Crawford. And I like money." --Sterling Hayden "Joan Crawford--Hollywood's first case of syphilis." --Bette Davis "Joan Crawford--I wouldn't sit on her toilet!" --Bette Davis "Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it's because I'm not a bitch. Maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies." --Bette Davis "She's the original good time that was had by all." --Bette Davis on Marilyn Monroe "She ought to know about close-ups. Jesus, she was around when they invented them! The bitch has been around forever, you know!" --Bette Davis' reaction when told how wonderful Lillian Gish had been in a close-up in 'The Whales of August.' "I was never so scared in my life. And I was in the war!" --John Mills on working with Bette Davis "Don't think I don't know who's been spreading gossip about me and my temperament out there in Hollywood ...And after all the nice things I've said about that hag (Bette Davis). When I get a hold of her I'll tear out every hair of her mustache!" --Tallulah Bankhead "Estelle Winwood is not Tallulah's best friend. I am! And I've got the scars to prove it!" --Patsy Kelly "Tallulah never beat about the bush--she'd gossip about you in front of your back!" --Patsy Kelly

• More from the ASG post - "Clara Bow had 'It.' She probably caught 'It' from receiving too may passes from too many football players." --Susan Hayward "Joan Collins is a commodity who would sell her own bowel movement." --Anthony Newley "If Clark had one inch less, he'd be the 'queen of Hollywood'." --Carole Lombard on 'King of Hollywood,' Clark Gable "Working wih Marilyn Monroe in 'The Misfits' nearly gave me a heart attack. I have never been happier when a film ended." --Clark Gable, who died of a heart attack shortly after filming ended "Monroe! I never could understand what it was all about. She was absolutely talentless. To work with her was agony..." --Tony Randall "...That dyke!" --Elizabeth Taylor in Marilyn Monroe's presence, as reported by Norman Mailer "All my life I wanted to look like Elizabeth Taylor. Now I find that Liz Taylor is beginning to look like me." --Divine "I did consider marrying Tyrone Power. But I decided he was too fond of the boys for it to work out." --Alice Faye "Lily Tomlin has been in and out ot the closet more times than my hunting jacket." --Rock Hudson "Blake Edwards and Julie Andrews were implying to the press that I'm gay. I could hardly believe it! Talk about the kettle calling the pot black!" --Rock Hudson "I'm in love with Julie Andrews, yes. There's nothing I wouldn't say to her face--both of them" --Rock Hudson "Her one big flaw is her two faces." --Elsa Lanchester on Loretta Young "John Wayne, my leading man in 'A Lady Takes a Chance,' was late to show his political potential. If I had known then what I know now, I think I would have shot him dead on the spot." --Jean Arthur "Angela Lansbury. She's very nice. That's 'ice' with an 'n' in front of it..." --Keenan Wynn "She's cerifiable!" --Jack Nicholson on Faye Dunaway, 'Chinatown' "Peter O'Toole looks like he's walking around just to save funeral expenses." --John Huston "Everybody in town had had Yvonne De Carlo!" --Tony Curtis "Everybody in Hollywood has had Tony Curtis!" --Yvonne De Carlo

• Joan Crawford took sick and was hospitalized as filming of "Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte" began so scenes were shot around her, but when it became evident that she would have to be replaced, her role was offered to Katharine Hepburn and Vivien Leigh. Hepburn didn't return the studio's call, while Leigh declined, saying, "No, thank you. I can just about stand looking at Joan Crawford's face at six o'clock in the morning, but not Bette Davis." Barbara Stanwyck and Loretta Young were both offered the role of Miriam when Joan Crawford became ill but they turned it down. Just shows you that with that kind of loyalty in Hollywood , Crawford must not have been the evil bitch that we have been lead to believe.

• No way did Rock Hudson say those things, R96. He was too far into the closet himself to say anything about someone elses' issues.

• Madonna sticking her finger down her throat after meeting Kevin Costner in "Truth or Dare."

• I remember a quote from a British eldergay referring to Prince Philips' homosexual dalliances as a young royal in Greece , saying "Oh I remember him when he was little girl"

• 'We would have aborted her'

• This one is an oldie: Lucy Ball vs. Patty Duke.

• We need to rename this thread "Eldergay Disses".

• Talulah Bankhead (who had a deep voice) was asked by a male interviewer if she ever get's mistaken on the phone for being a man, she replied, No, does anyone ever mistake you for being a man?

• Benjamin Disraeli on the difference between a tragedy and calamity. "If Gladstone fell into the Thames that would be a tragedy. If someone pulled him out that would be a calamity."

• [quote]"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised." Girls being fucked ("laid") in both ends: the mouth and the ass.

• [quote]We need to rename this thread "Eldergay Disses". AKA A thread for people who can discern a witty, original, put-down from a childish, borrowed insult.

• The great 19th Century scholar Thomas Macaulay on Socrates, "The more I read him, the less I wonder that they poisoned him."

• Nene Leakes vs Star Jones

• Actually, R107, some of these are witty; most are just cunty. And a good portion of them, both the witty ones and the cunty ones, were never spoken at all by the people they are attributed to.

• "She's in the attic!"

• We once knew a fabulous Jewish eldersister(sadly, RIP)) who said such things as: 1) When a hot number who was living with her said "my dick is bigger than yours" she angrily replied "so is your mouth, and your ass-hole"! 2) When a hot British number commented that he was 'bi', she replied "Oh, men and boys"?

  Mrs%20Patrick%20Campbell

• The interview was with Earl Wilson who said to Talullah: "Are you ever mistaken for a man on the phone"? To which Talullah replied "No darling, are you"?

• R100, cute but not cute enough for our requirements. Sizemeat?

• Queen Cunt, Aretha Franklin, was furious at Gladys Knight for suggesting that Aretha had been abandoned by her mother, so she tore into Gladys in her autobiography and said something like, "I realize that Gladys has been under an extreme amount of pressure having to do with career disappointments. I truly am sympathetic and will pray for her."

• Susan Hayward and Jil Jarmyn's fight!In November of 1955, actresses Susan Hayward and Jil Jarmyn got into a much publicized catfight (it even was recounted in the November 14, 1955 edition of Time magazine). Susan, a redhead, was a very prominent actress while Jil (sometimes a blonde, sometimes a brunette) was not nearly as well known. What caused it? A man, of course. The guy in question was grade B actor Don "Red" Barry, who had once been engaged to Ms. Jarmyn. The fight took place in Mr. Barry's bedroom. Jil walked into it and discovered the pajama-clad Ms. Hayward there. Some words were exchanged, then Susan went on the offensive. She struck Ms. Jarmyn with a hair brush, tore some buttons off her blouse and tried to burn her with a lighted cigarette. During the bout, Jil got knocked over a couch and was also pushed into a coffee table. Jil got her licks in, but Ms. Hayward got the decision in this one. Ms. Jarmyn got her revenge by filing an assault and battery complaint against Ms. Hayward, which was eventually dropped.

  Anonymous

• Oscar Levant: "I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin." Groucho, on the huge turnout at Harry Cohn's funeral: "You see -- you give the people what they want and they'll turn out." Ethel Mertz: "She called me a hippopotamus." Lucy: "No I did not. I just implied she was a bit hippy. But now that you mention it, she does have the biggest potamus I've ever seen." Joan Rivers (on some starlet): "She's had more soldiers in her than the Trojan Horse." from "A Fish Called Wanda" Kevin Kline's character: "Don't call me stupid!" Jamie Lee Curtis's character: "Right! Calling you stupid is an insult to stupid people!" Kenneth Anger calling Montgomery Clift "Princess Tiny Meat" in "Hollywood Babylon."

• When there's a sex symbol, I like to know the sex of the symbol - Bette Midler about Prince

• Ahhhh, more homophobia from Cuntte Midler.

• Brittany Murphy on Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore: So I guess the crux of that relationship is that he likes old women and she likes small dicks.

• R2 - here is better discussion of Ms. Ross and her behavior at Motown 25. I highly doubt it will ever see the light of day.

  http://www.filmthreat.com/features/45022/

• .

• Sylvia Miles, the actress and inveterate party goer, didn't like what Transylvanian-born theatre critic John Simon wrote about her in one of his especially nasty moments in reviewing a play she was in in the 1970s. She confronted him at a party and dumped a plate of pasta on his head. He said: "You're nothing but excess baggage." And she retorted: "How would you review a play that had a line like that in it?"

  Anonymous

• [quote]Brittany Murphy on Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore: So I guess the crux of that relationship is that he likes old women and she likes small dicks. Her phrasing was better than that: "I suppose that the crux of their relationship is that, to him, age doesn't matter and, to her, size doesn't matter." [For those who don't remember, Kutcher started dating Moore shortly after he split up with Murphy.]

• Vincent Astor was so desperate for a wife that he took to revealing his medical reports with his proposals. "Marry me," he said to one socialite, "and you'll inherit everything. Plus, my doctors tell me I don't have long to live." The lady looked at him aghast. "But Vincent," she said. "What if your doctors are wrong?!"

• Bette Davis vs. Joan Crawford is still the all-time Hollywood feud. Those two bitches just despised each other, and their quotes about the other are still funny.