Is that old hag still around? What is the purpose of comics that are so boring and serious like a dull soap opera?
That is insane that this and Apartment 3G are still around. Who waits each day to read the next two sentences of a story?
That's nothing. Last week, Mary Worth had a kiniption over Madonna's Like A Virgin and how it was turning young girls into thoughtless strumpets. That was after she ranted about the evils of Kool-Aid.
Poor Mary, girl will be turning tricks on the corner to make rent this month.
Can someone summarize the premise of Mary Worth to me? The Wikipedia article isn't very helpful.
So she's an old lady who gives advice and wisdom to people in crisis?
Old cunt had it coming.
I'm on the case.
The vapors? I'll be right there.
No one will ever know that *I* stole Mary's credit card to buy $400 worth of Subway gift card ....oh shit .....
One of my favorite Golden Girls exchanges was when someone mentioned Apartment 3-G.
Dorothy: Apartment 3-G? I haven't read that in years.
Blanche: Really? Let me catch you up to speed... It's later the same day...
She's a sweet old lady.
If you're tired of Apt. 3-G, you're tired of life.
Really, Comic Curmudgeon (see link) is instructive here. I sort of despise people who get irked because comics are slow and idiotic--that's part of their charm.
She knows Poverty. She was originally 'Apple Mary' selling apples during the depression.
Does Mary Worth age? Or does she, by making every hour last a week, remain slowly-aging, perhaps like some hybrid.
Why did they never make a movie based on Mary Worth?
I think Mary needs to track down the call center for her credit card and work her magic. Imagine what would happen if she was set loose in a cube farm. In fact, dear Mary might have been able to save Ginny in accounting, that poor dear. Someone needs to start that thread, stat: "Would Mary Worth have saved Ginny in Accounting?"
Does Mary Worth have bodily functions, or do her parts look like that of a Barbie doll's?
LOL R24. I remember reading the Sunday comics over at the breakfast table over my mother's shoulder and when she turned to the Brenda Starr page I asked why that man (Hank) was wearing a dress?
Was she the first lesbian in the funnies? Or did Cathy come first?
I haven't read "Mary Worth" in ages. Did she ever beat the child molestation charges? I know she was guilty, but it seemed like her plan to frame her retarded handyman was going to be successful.
Loved it when Mary Worth made an appearance in "Pearls Before Swine" and the characters made fun of the fact that Mary's strip doesn't progress quickly. "Does she ever respond?". "Maybe in another strip or two."
Ha! I also think we should see a little more Dynasty type drama in Mary's life. She can find out she's related to the ultra-rich folks in her CA town. Maybe Mary sold some of her eggs 40 years ago and now her birth child is someone like Adam Carrington. Then we throw in a few Nolan Miller dresses, and good old Mary is the comic strip equivalent of a Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan.
Mary's too old for Dynasty-type drama. Maybe a drifter could rape her?
No, R27, she didn't. The tard got wind of what she was trying to do so Mary had to kill him. She ended up running him over in a stolen Cadillac. A rather gruesome drawn-out massacre that lasted over 12 strips (roughly 4 months).
Mary was convicted as a pedophile and had to register as a sex offender. The judge was going to give her a harsh sentence, make an example of her. Luckily she had dirt on his sleazy dealings and he gave her 2 months...suspended! Later that night, Mary sodomized him with his own gavel!
Ole Mare is still on the national registry, which explains why you never see Dennie around.
Does Mary still have that "Nigerian Prince needs your personal info to transfer millions" email scheme still going on? If I recall, she had set up a number of shell corporations in the Caribbean tax havens and was preparing to flee the country once she hit 250 million. Since she's still in that dismal condo, is she prepping for one last haul? Or, did she get ripped off by another grifter, a la "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"?
When I get to my destination, I am going to kill Mary Worth.
Remember when Mary peformed backroom abortions for the rough trade in her town? There were the unfortunate few who had to be buried in the backyard.
Remember when Mary would belt back the whiskey and seduce random guys in the roadhouse two towns over?
Remember when Mary had a manic episode (something to do with new anti-psychotic meds) and walked around dressed and talking like her histrionic alter ego, "Natasha"?
Actually, Mary was a Russian sleeper agent in the 50s, code name "Natasha"...she then became a double agent and renounced the Kremlin. But I have my doubts. She is way too interested in everyone else's business NOT to be a spy/grifter/what have you.
If she ever writes her bio, ohh the secrets she can spill. That affair with Dick Tracy, the time in the 70s as the sexy female side-kick to the Phantom, and who can forget when she opened that rival newspaper rag "The Daily Know, NOW" that practically forced Brenda Starr's publisher to shut down.
Look out, when Mary Worth is around, you in danger, gurl!
I can't believe no one has brought up Mary's part in making 9/11 happen, opening her doors to Saudi terrorists and making her basement into a sleeper cell while they plotted America's destruction. She did anything for that Saudi businessman who impregnanted her at 16 and took their child to the Middle East to be brought up by his 22 wives in order to protect her pristine image and save her from a life of scandal.
Has Mary ever been linked to Daphne Zuniga?
A lot of these posts are reminiscent of things reported about Daphne in the "Why was Daphne Zuniga sitting next to Steven Spielberg at the Golden Globes?" thread. I wonder if she and Mary could be in cahoots...
I heard that Mary was Julie's mom. I hate them.
Mary defended Charlie Sheen during his crazy antics.
r22 - they had a television series based on the strip where Mary solved crimes. It was called Murder, She Wrote.
It is a little known fact that the movie "Not Without My Daughter" was based on Mary's experiences.
Personally, I think she should have played herself, Gidget didn't do her justice.
Few can recall that Mary told Nixon that everyone was out to get him and that he should tape all of his conversations.
Mary told Agnes Nixon to do everything she can to save AMC and even put her in touch with the brass at Prospect Park (one of the executive's wives is on the same Red Hat committee as Mary), thus preventing long-time viewers to get the closure they so desperately crave.
Mary was one of Marlene Dietrich's lovers in the late 50s.
Herman Cain grabbed Mary's ass.
Mary gave up my friend Julie for adoption.
Mary tried to use Lindsay Lohan's Lifetime Carvel discount card, but got nabbed.
Mary swapped out June Alyson's Depends with Rosemary Clooney's Cloronet paper napkins.
I heard Madonna gave Mary a producing credit on that W movie...
To the credit of the "Mary Worth" writer, the comic was the first--and one of the few--to address the AIDS crisis in the 80's. Mary was having a relationship with a fellow senior and she made him wear a condom. It took MONTHS to unwrap that thing.
I know some of Mary's darkest secrets, but I dare not say anything. She made it perfectly clear that if I say or do anything to tarnish her reputation, she scalp my pubic region and wear it like a mask.
It was Mary Worth who first wrote about all of the strange goings on in front of Jasmine Guy's house. Jas & Mary still haven't spoken to each other since Mary's first report.
Mary enticed Bai Ling up on the roof with some 12-day-old moo shu pork.
Mary Worth trolls DL as mhb
Mary Worth was considered for MAME before they went with Lucille Ball.
Mary Worth? I hate that woman! She douches with Jean N'ate. She smokes camels--and I don't mean the cigarettes! At her cocktail parties, she serves Tab! She fancies herself a glamour gal but she;s treally just Susan Flannery minus the barely-there lingering, minimal trace of femininity. And under that matronly wardrobe, she wears a girdle--AND boxer shorts!!!
Mary Worth touched us. In our naughty parts.
Everybody knows that Mary was involved in those shenanigans over to the Del Monte Mansion ....she was the first to coin the term " fruit cocktail."
Mary Worth had Snoopy put down while everyone else was attending Charles M. Schulz's funeral.
Mary Worth's bitchiness is what turned Bil Keane into a drunk.
Mary Worth not only asked but told on Beetle Bailey.
Please do not lean on the case. It contains a very rare Mary Worth, in which she has advised a friend to commit suicide.
Mary Worth told Mark Trail, "If you really want to be a conservationist, you can save water by showering with your junior rangers. All the 'jocks' do it."
Oh, this is rich, Mary Worth being involved in other character's lives is priceless.
Did she ever babysit for Dondi? did she have a thing for Dondi's Korean veteran adoptive father?
What about Dick Tracy? Do you think Mary and Tess Trueheart were friends?
Would Mary ever attend a soiree at the fabulous Apartment 3-G?
And are the rumors of Mary and Judge Parker true?
Mary Worth told us there's no such thing as God.
Billy, Dolly, Jeffy, and PJ
[quote]did she have a thing for Dondi's Korean veteran adoptive father?
[quote]What about Dick Tracy? Do you think Mary and Tess Trueheart were friends?
Sweetheart, Mary worked in the early years under the identity "Breathless Mahoney."
R67, why is the question about Mary and Dondi's adoptive father a FAIL! (as you felt the need to type)?
Now what I want to know is what happened between Brenda and Mary to make Brenda such a bitch? Did Mary tell someone that Brenda's red drapes didn't match the carpet?
Of course you've all heard of Mary's many adventuresome nights with Steve Canyon, right?
Mary Worth, the original Manson girl
Mary isn't here ... only Natasha.
Someone forgot to renew their Haldol prescription!
I apologize r69. Dondi's adoptive father was a WW2 veteran who found Dondi wandering int eh rubble of a bombed out Italian town saying 'Donde' (Spanish for where..he was looking for his parents..I guess the creator thought Spanish and Italian were the same).
I did not realize that as the strip progressed and since the characters never aged, the story changed to Dondi being found in Korea (and later in Viet Nam). I thought it was obvious that Dondi was Italian but I was wrong.
According to Hank O'Hare, Mary Worth will eat snausages from anywhere you put them. *ANYWHERE*.
Hey R72, R69 here, thanks for the post.. I didn't realize Dondi was once adopted by a WWII veteran.
I guess it's age... I read the strip in NY's Daily News as a kid in the late 60s/early70s. The writers must have already made the switch.
But back to Mary... has she ever gone camping with Mark (Treasure) Trail?
Mary asked me to marry her on Sadie Hawkins Day.
Mary Worth butted into my affairs one too many times and I turned on her. I'd just had enough. "Why don't you mind your own business, you pettifogging old busybody!? My relationship is none of your concern."
I got home later that day to find my cat strangled.
Mary just smiled when I confronted her. "Why, you know I can't move that fast, Donald."
Mary Worth gave Nana Mouskouri her first hit of Meth!
I wish I knew how to host a blog or work graphics on a computer; there is so much potential here for a series of comic strips full of crossovers...
Mary Worth and Brenda Starr being frenemies (beacause Mary slept with Basil St. John)
Mary Worth showing up in a Dick Tracy strip from the 40s (maybe as a cocktail waitress or some mobsters mother)
Mary as a substitute teacher in Gil Thorpe (wreaking havoc on the season because the star QB is flunking English and she won't give him permission to play)
Mary being hired as a babysitter for BD and Boopsie in Doonesbury
Mary as a serial killer, quietly offing the women of Apartment 3G (very Edge of Night)
Mary pee'd on my napping couch.
I went trick or treating at Mary Worth's house. She crapped in my treat bag.
Mary told me that Hobbes was just a stuffed animal.
This is a great thread.
The lasagna that Mary baked for me had a funny taste. Then I wondered why I hadn't seen Odie lately.
May Worth gave me a haircut.
This horrible girl at school said that Mary Worth likes to "go muff diving off the coast of Dyke-achusetts." Is that true? And is she into younger...women?
Mary gets out of being arrested by bestowing "favors" on Sheriff Tait.
Mary Worth popped Alexander Bumstead's cherry!
I'm pretty sure Mary killed Little Orphan Annie's parents. I owe her for my notoriety.
Really R88? My understanding is that Mary was the kindly matron of the orphanage that took such good care of that little red-headed brat.
No, R89, Mary was the realtor that sold the Mitchell's the house next door.
Mr. George Wilson
The psychiatrist is NOT in when that old bitch comes calling!
Lucy Van Pelt
Mary worth did my hair too!
Mary Worth was a one-night throwaway fuck. She liked to be slapped around.
The only thing I don't like about Mary Worth is the fact that she has the tendency to be a bit too competitive. Cathy lost 2 lbs in a month, so Mary lost 10 lbs in a week. Sally Forth got a new hairstyle, so Mary got a facelift and boob job. Mr. Wilson's begonias won first place in the Sedgwick County Fair, so Mary started a (successful) whisper campaign about him being a boy-hungry pedophile!
Little known fact: Mary worked at Dunkin' Donuts in her youth. Even lesser known fact: Once a month, when Mary was being visited by Aunt Flo, the manager refused to let her work the counter. "Time to make the donuts," he'd tell her. But Mary was a sharp one; that wasn't jelly in those jelly donuts.
Is Mary Worth that old broad who poops in my litter box?
R96, before the facelift and boob job, I was told that Mary scored Sally Forth across the board "3s" on Sally's performance review. The scale was 1 - 5, so Sally didn't get a raise!
Sally really needed the extra cash too because of her husband's little known gambling problem. It's said he owes thousands of dollars to a local loan shark.
I hear that Mary Worth is planning to announce her intention to run for President and secure the Republican nomination.
By brother Jason won first place in his school's science fair for building a robotic love doll based on Mary Worth. The judges agreed that his creation's vagina felt just like Mary's, but tighter. I'd have to agree; however, hers has an aroma that can't be duplicated.
I heard from my sister's best friend's second cousin that Mary bought the house across the street fro Jasmine Guy's house. She plans to open up a TMZ style blog and figures she'll have exclusive photos of any big break-ups. Ya'll know that Demi and Ashton stopped by there just the other day.
Mary Worth lives a double life that pales in comparison to her good reputation. Let's just say that she gives Mr. Goodbar a good run for his money constantly cruising Gasoline Alley in search of dick, day or night. She doesn't care, she wants what she wants and you know what? I can't fault her for it. I guess it's no wonder some hooligan got hold of her credit card though.
I think a great premise for a Broadway show would be Mary Worth deciding to drive a van full of lesbian's to Michfest. Along the way they could pick up womyn in need of a ride, solve various mysteries and experience the power of true sisterhood.
And then, wackiness ensues when they pitch a tent in the wrong area...and Mary winds up on garbage duties with the fat womyn...
R105, the best way to end the MichFest Road Trip flick is for the unhappy womyn Mary's shuttling over hill and dale decide that they don't need to attend MichFest.
They've all learned from Mary Worth how to be nice people who are concerned about the others in their lives. They see from Mary how one can be calm and collected and well-coiffed even after they've reached the age of a crone.
They decide to shave their armpits, lose enough weight to stop using canes and keep themselves "fresh" during the month.
I love the idea that they solve mysteries - Mary Worth as Jessica Fletcher sounds delish.
Thanks, R123. I notice that Mary has had some work done.
This whole story with Olive is the worst.
Agreed, R125. It had so much potential: flower fairies, angels, a torso cyst, a heroin addicted doctor... and it was still boring.
But it looks like it may be over, finally. Now an adventure where MARY GOES TO THE STORE!!
What I love about this thread is that it is attenuated over years and years, rather like the Mary Worth story lines.
It was actually Mary Worth who burned little Janet Jackson with that iron on Good Times.
[bold]No it was Kim Feilds
Let the busybody bitch starve to death.
They need to burn down her damn condo and send her on more exciting adventures. I'd love to get my hands on the serials and turn them inside out.
Mary Worth and Apartment 3G are package strips. Meaning if you want the good strips, the agreement is that you also have to carry the ones included in the package.