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Hispanics and Homosexuality

I'm in the military and even though DADT was repealed a few months ago, I still never felt compelled to shout it out from the roof tops.

This morning, me and a guy I share a cubical with were talking about our social lives. He knows I'm in school in addition to working full time, so he always tries to "counsel" me on how important it is to go out and have fun. I agreed with him and offered up some half-hearted excuses, but as the conversation was winding down he asked if, "I'm in a 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' situation." I laughed nervously and tried to change the subject, but then another co-worker came up and started talking to us about an event tomorrow.

When she left, I quietly whispered to my cube-mate that, yes, I'm gay. It was hard to do because I'm so used to pretending I'm straight, but he's a really great guy and I somehow felt safe telling him the truth. Anyway, this happened first thing in the morning and it changed absolutely nothing between us. We carried on like we always do, except after my admission he explained to me that Hispanics aren't as hung up on sexuality as Americans. He went on to passionately argue that Americans insist on self-segregating themselves, by race, sexual preference, gender, etc., whereas people in Hispanic countries tend to socialize based on who they enjoy partying with.

His observation was interesting because it hit on something odd about my own situation: I'm only out to 3 of my friends in the military and ALL of them are Hispanic (2 Puerto Rican, 1 Mexican). All of them asked me if I'm gay, and all have been nothing less than supportive. Furthermore, Latinos are always causing my gaydar to give false alerts! Since college, I can't count how many Latino men have seemingly flirted with me or given off gay vibes only to do/say something that made it obviously clear they're straight (especially Spaniards and South Americans!).

Has anyone else found Hispanics to be, as a group, unbelievably accepting of homosexuality? I've always thought their devotion to Catholicism encouraged them to be virulently anti-gay, but as I grow older I notice that they tend to be pretty tolerant in most regards.

by Anonymousreply 57May 8, 2020 11:52 AM

It's a complex and diverse variety of cultures, famous for easy-going physicality and notorious for traditional gender roles and duplicity concerning acceptance of homosexuality. Glad your experiences personally have been positive. Mine have been, too (Anglo/biracial but appear white).

What I have experienced is that a general acceptance of homosexuality is less-so the closer it gets to family members in some situations. I know some people "back home" where getting jobs outside stereotypical "gay" areas is hard. Like - oh, you're gay, so you're going to stay low on the SES chain and cut hair and such. And that's even in families of means.

But, again, generalizing is hard. Urban Argentinians (as I've known them) are very different from the Mexico City people, who are very different from rural northern Mexicans outside the resort areas, who are different from urban Puerto Ricans in their third generation up in the USA, etc.

by Anonymousreply 1November 9, 2011 7:33 PM

The men are almost always trisexual- they'll 'try' anything. The women are some of the most homophobic of any culture: just really ignorant, religious and hateful.

by Anonymousreply 2November 9, 2011 7:51 PM

The Chicanos that I know are all very cool. They are all men, not sure about the women. Yes, often times the radar does ping at the wrong one! It's the sweet disposition and beautiful lips, I guess!

by Anonymousreply 3November 9, 2011 7:59 PM

Speaking as a Mexican-American - NO.

All of the Latinos in my orbit are socially conservative, and I can't think of any of them that are cool with homosexuality.

by Anonymousreply 4November 10, 2011 12:40 PM

Really? The Latino guys in NJ seem okay. The group I know are Guatemalan born. Is the education better down there vs Mexico? Maybe I am just lucky to know some higher caliber Latinos, never had a homophobic issue in my seven years of professional relationship.

Believe me, one hint homophobia; the phobe is out of here, no time for that kind of ignorance.

by Anonymousreply 5November 10, 2011 1:01 PM

I am more inclined to draw the acceptance line between the ages instead of the race. I'm happy for your positive experience.

by Anonymousreply 6November 10, 2011 1:25 PM

This thread could have ended at R1.

by Anonymousreply 7November 10, 2011 1:30 PM

I am Latino and my up-bringing was secular and liberal. My parents had no issues with my being gay, except that they worried about HIV. Like many unmarried Latin-Americans, I lived at home through college and left after I met my partner. We've been together for 22 years.

I would say that Latino's do not have an issue with someone being gay, but they do not like putos/putas; which means they do not like someone who is promiscuous.

by Anonymousreply 8November 10, 2011 1:33 PM

What, and miss the value you have just added R7 ?

by Anonymousreply 9November 10, 2011 1:36 PM

How can some of you make such generalizations?

Surely you realize how dangerous that is.

by Anonymousreply 10November 10, 2011 1:37 PM

You would have lived, R9.

by Anonymousreply 11November 10, 2011 1:41 PM

Hooray! More pinga for everyone!

by Anonymousreply 12November 10, 2011 1:44 PM

Well, I work with a lot of people from Central America and it's amazing how lackadaisical they are about my being gay. Young, old, male, female, they just don't care. One guy keeps telling me I should visit his gay cousin in El Salvador. Another one joked once he'd like to try gay sex but he's afraid he might like it too much. (WTF???) One of the women likes to talk about her husband's big dick. (She knows I blush easily and she thinks it's funny.)

by Anonymousreply 13November 10, 2011 1:49 PM

Similar to black folks. Generally they are supportive -- or at least "live and let live" -- if they are not fundie; not supportive if fundie. "Jesus, please protect me from your followers."

by Anonymousreply 14November 10, 2011 1:51 PM

it depends on how religious they are. For example Ruben Diaz, the politician in the NYS Assembly was totally against gay marriage in NY.

Also, I grew up around a lot of Puerto Ricans and many of those guys were really macho. I got called faggot enough times to know some Latinos have an issue.

Some are very accepting, but Lantinos are a diverse group. One acquaintance of mine would say that Latinos love gay guys when they are drag queens, etc. Some are not easy around other gay men.

by Anonymousreply 15November 10, 2011 2:03 PM

Wait, you're a reservist and/or work in a cubicle and you give a shit about people knowing you're gay?

by Anonymousreply 16November 10, 2011 2:14 PM

I've dated a couple of puerto ricans and the one told me that it was a common saying in PR that "If you don't have fish, you eat chicken".

by Anonymousreply 17November 10, 2011 2:58 PM

In Central America, only the bottom is considered gay. ????

by Anonymousreply 18November 10, 2011 8:05 PM

I've heard that out of my boyfriend who is from Panama, R18.

by Anonymousreply 19November 10, 2011 8:14 PM

That is part of hispanic culture that often the person who is the top won't consider themselves gay. It was similar in Roman times also, topping was fine but it was looked down upon if you bottomed.

by Anonymousreply 20November 10, 2011 8:16 PM

A former friend from Texas used to say, "It ain't gay if you're pumpin' away."

by Anonymousreply 21November 11, 2011 2:18 AM

I found that many guys in Brazil were bi and that the wives would only get upset if they looked at another woman, not a man. The wives didn't see any break in marriage vows if the husband had a boyfriend.

by Anonymousreply 22November 11, 2011 2:48 AM

[quote]This morning, me and a guy I share a cubical with

Oh, dear.

by Anonymousreply 23November 11, 2011 5:02 AM

R7, it really should have ended with Ms. OP getting a blog, or posting this nonsense on her MySpace page.

by Anonymousreply 24November 11, 2011 5:48 AM

LOL this thread is full of horrible Latino male stereotypes like, the "All Latino men are bisexual!" one.

Then again people say that all Italian men are bisexual, and that all Arabs are bisexual when they're just stereotypes.

by Anonymousreply 25November 14, 2011 6:51 AM

I have never considered top men gay, and I have never considered a bottom male a man. It's all about penetration.

by Anonymousreply 26November 14, 2011 7:10 AM

Tell me more about Brazilians... I get that vibe, especially since lots of trannies there are just part of the culture, with some women bringing in trannie to the relationship t please their husbands. Are the men generally bisexual there? Anyone know

by Anonymousreply 27November 14, 2011 7:28 AM

R27 Brazilians, other people from Central and South America and even Italians and other people from the Mediterranean realize that men can be bisexual.

It doesn't mean that all men from these places and cultures are bisexual, just that they realize that men can be bisexual, just as much as a man can be gay or hetero.

by Anonymousreply 28November 14, 2011 9:04 AM

I live in an area with a Mexican population and I get looks from many Mexican men that they want to ave sex with you. They are macho guys too.

by Anonymousreply 29November 14, 2011 9:34 AM

Mexicans have not yet been separated from nature the way americans have. In Mexico the rule is: "rubbers? we never heard of them"!

Also, in Mexico sisters keep it to themselves and don't march down the streets proclaiming that they are proud to suck dick.

Probably much more pinga gets sucked in Mexico than the USA, however!

by Anonymousreply 30November 14, 2011 9:38 AM

R30 Do regale us with more rest home ruminations!

by Anonymousreply 31November 14, 2011 12:24 PM

d

by Anonymousreply 32September 2, 2013 2:55 PM

As a Mexican-American I can tell you that many, many of my people are devoted Catholics and are VERY anti-gay. I have noticed that some of the younger Mexicans are loosening up their attitudes, but in my youth (the '80s and '90s), homosexuality was considered to be worse than murder in my community. At the age of 14, I was thrown out of our house (by my uneducated, Catholic mother) because of my sexuality and my mother and brothers never spoke to me again. I still have contact with my father (secretly) and my sister lives near where I do (hundreds of miles away from L.A.) and we are still close.

by Anonymousreply 33September 2, 2013 4:55 PM

I'm Mexican-American and in my twenties. I have had the exact opposite experience of R33 - a loving, accepting family and larger community, more accepting and supportive than the whites around me. I live in Texas, and Hispanics here are, on average, more liberal than both the whites and blacks here. I have not met a single earnest Hispanic Catholic (all lip service or even trending atheist), and I know hundreds, believe me.

by Anonymousreply 34September 2, 2013 5:21 PM

[quote] he explained to me that Hispanics aren't as hung up on sexuality as Americans.

Bullshit! Maybe they're not hung up on sexuality when living in the U.S., but in their home countries the worst insult you can give a man is to call him 'maricon".

[quote]He went on to passionately argue that Americans insist on self-segregating themselves, by race, sexual preference, gender, etc., whereas people in Hispanic countries tend to socialize based on who they enjoy partying with.

Bullshit!segregation by economic status, ethnicity and sexual preference is brutal in latin american countries.

by Anonymousreply 35September 2, 2013 5:53 PM

[quote]I have never considered top men gay, and I have never considered a bottom male a man.

You're an idiot.

[quote] It's all about penetration.

No, it's not. I know a woman who have fucks her boyfriend with a strap-ons; it hasn't magically reversed their genders.

by Anonymousreply 36September 2, 2013 6:00 PM

OP, update dude?

by Anonymousreply 37November 30, 2014 3:04 PM

Minus the religion factor, it seems like many latinos are way more cool with the sexuality thing.

Another angle: I ran restaurants in NYC for years and most of the kitchen workers and busboys were latino. They ALL had to be cool with just about anything, including gay stuff, otherwise they'd have been out of a job.

They were all great though. Hard workers who used to love to joke/flirt around with the gay waiters/bartenders.

by Anonymousreply 38November 30, 2014 3:17 PM

OP, did you ever learn to spell "cubicle"?

by Anonymousreply 39November 30, 2014 3:20 PM

I agree with R4 & R33. Most of the Mexicans I know (over the age of 30) are very homophobic. Maybe the younger ones are more accepting, but I don't know any younger ones.

by Anonymousreply 40November 30, 2014 6:11 PM

Depends how Catholic they are....but every Latino family has one or two (or more) gay uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, etc...

by Anonymousreply 41November 30, 2014 6:13 PM

Sometimes the little macho ones want some nonverbal, discreet assurance you think they might be fuckable. Some women seem freaked out but very intrigued.

by Anonymousreply 42November 30, 2014 6:21 PM

I'm not going to generalize an entire group but I'm friends with this Mexican lesbian and her Mom totally disowned her. And because she's the matriarch of the family she has pretty much pronounced that the lesbian daughter is dead and that no one else in the family can have anything to do with her. One brother still talks to her on the downlow, but no one else will. She has a granddaughter that she's never seen. My friend has reached out to her Mom several times, but the Mom is done.

I've known some homophobic families, but never to that extent.

by Anonymousreply 43November 30, 2014 6:21 PM

According to poll numbers, Catholic Hispanic are much more supportive of same sex marriage than evangelical Hispanics.

by Anonymousreply 44November 30, 2014 6:31 PM

r43, I hope your friend wins the lottery and her Mom finds out.

by Anonymousreply 45November 30, 2014 6:32 PM

Dear Lord!Were this 'Brazilians are all bisexuals' shit came from?You guys probably think that every brazilian is brown and have green eyes.lol

by Anonymousreply 46November 30, 2014 6:36 PM

The fact there are so many racist queers in here ought to tell those same queers that, duh, bigotry exists in all groups. But no, that would require facing their own ignorance and hypocrisy which they will not do because deep down their need to feel superior to someone, anyone, over rides any residual compassion or common sense their tired old minds still possess.

Latinos are no more or less bigoted than you and your need to stereotyoe are. We're humans, idiots, not lumps of coal to fuel your shitty thinking with. And the resistance you feel to it is not going to go away, so either adapt or die bitter and alone. We win either way.

by Anonymousreply 47November 30, 2014 6:48 PM

r47, how do you know the racist posting here are gay? Are you gay?

by Anonymousreply 48November 30, 2014 7:15 PM

Like they say in So Cal, if's he's brown, he'll go down.

by Anonymousreply 49November 30, 2014 7:33 PM

g

by Anonymousreply 50January 5, 2015 5:25 PM

[quote]Like they say in So Cal, if's he's brown, he'll go down.

What excellent news! Any such dudes with both a library card and a passport?

Hispanic/Latino within the USA is rather hard to pin down as a culture for generalizations. It's a matter of age and class on this issue, just like the population as a whole.

by Anonymousreply 51January 5, 2015 5:36 PM

"Hispanics" are a diverse culture spanning three continents which defies easy categorization. Some are more European "live and let live," some are more Roman Catholic "hate the sin but love the sinner" and others are more Afro-Caribbean "kill all the gays right now."

There is no one "way" that all Hispanics are towards sex or homosexuality. There are dozens of cultures/nationalities, each with a broad spectrum of beliefs and ideas.

by Anonymousreply 52January 5, 2015 5:46 PM

In NYC, I find Latinos who are raised here are VERY homophobic, even gay Latinos, who seem full of self-loathing. Generally when I encounter one like that (and they have 50 bazillion labels for American-born latin person), I steer very clear, no matter what they say.

But with Latinos from the islands or south of the border, they are basically 'whatever' when it comes to sex, not a big deal to them. They are a lot of fun, they like to get off and just basically, they aren't control freaks like Anglo-Saxons are.

by Anonymousreply 53January 5, 2015 5:52 PM

r53, I have never heard anything like that before, dude.

by Anonymousreply 54January 24, 2015 2:32 PM

Interesting

by Anonymousreply 55May 8, 2020 9:39 AM

I lived in Mexico a number of years and have friends from many Latin-American countries and can confirm that it’s hard to say Hispanics generally are more OK with being gay.

It definitely correlates with how religious or socially conservative they are. I know people whose families are very religious and are either not out—or married out of social obligation and who play on the side.

I have had fo deal with two incidences in the US at work where I finally had to go to management over verbal harassment. One was because of a colleague’s husband who would “jokingly” use slurs directed at me when it was clear he was a homophobic macho asshole. The other was some born-again cunt. These were two situations that became pervasive harassment despite trying to deal with it myself.

I’ve also known Latinos who are polite and/or seem very accepting, but found they are derisive or make fun of you behind your back. They see you as a social oddity or “less than” because you are gay. So while they may be friendly, they really don’t respect you.

Socially there is more emphasis on being respectful and non-confrontational in Hispanic cultures, which people from other countries interpret as tolerance/acceptance. Sometimes it really is, so it’s important to know who your friends really are.

That said, most of my true friends are Hispanic, as their concept of friendship is deeper and is associated with a sense of true personal loyalty. In the US I find friendship to be more superficial and based on convenient circumstances, but not something to be counted on when it requires effort or becomes inconvenient. Obviously this is not always true, but generally speaking, this has been my experience.

by Anonymousreply 56May 8, 2020 10:44 AM

Petsonally, I think Latino is a false definition and this thread seems to draw the same conclusion.

For instance, Mexicans, Cubans and European Spaniards are too diverse to be grouped together.

I grew up with people of Mexican heritage in California. When I moved to Florida, I met people of Cuban heritage. They seem to share very little except the language itself. Even that sounds very different.

by Anonymousreply 57May 8, 2020 11:52 AM
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