It's pretty horrible. I wish I had never been told the truth.
Join the crowd, Eve.
Did you go to Hudson University?
Ooh. Another Olivia Benson thread.
r3, beat me to it.
Olivia Benson is a character on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit who has lots of dramatic moments centered on the fact that she was conceived when her mother was raped.
The actress that plays her, Mariska Hargitay, has been the subject of epic threads on DL. That's probably why everyone's minds are going to the same place.
My mom told me my dad raped her and conceived me. Thanks for telling me mom
Thanks R6, that's not what this is about. I was just wondering if anyone else had to deal with it.
Yes. Statutory rape.
That's awful, OP. Why on earth would she tell you? Was she angry? Do your other family members know this?
The only thing even close to this in my family was when my older half sister told me, when we were adults, that she had hated me my entire life, since I was born. She thought our mother left her dad for my dad, and took it out on me. Ironically, my dad was good to her, her dad took off and was never seen again.
I was totally shocked to hear this from her, but all the clues just dropped into place. She had always been really nasty to me since I was a kid. I just thought she was bad tempered, I didn't know it was directed at me personally.
My point is, I am not a bad person and nothing I did caused my sister's bad feelings towards me. You are not a bad person, and nothing you did caused your mom's suffering. Don't let this ruin your own self esteem. When my sister told me her feelings, I was totally shocked because I had totally admired her and followed her around as a kid. Hearing she hated me when I adored her was really weird. It's ruined our relationship, but I know I didn't do anything wrong.
Just because your dad was a jerk doesn't make you one too, OP. You can choose what kind of person to be. You are not responsible for the actions of others.
My father was conceived by rape. His mother was a housekeeper for a wealthy man. She continued to work for him afterwards. He never supported her one and only child, my father, who didn't even have a proper bed to sleep on. My father forgave him... forgiveness being a tenet of Christianity and all.
You're all lesbians now, right?
R11, did your family live at Gosford Park?
No parent should reveal that to their son or daughter -- NEVER!
Not rape rape.
My mother felt the need to tell me when I was 32 that my Dad raped her and that's how I was conceived. He was killed in an accident when she was 6 months pregnant with me. I've never been the most emotionally stable child they had (there's 3 of us) It has made me question my own existence for the last 2 years. What she said served ZERO purpose!! I now find myself with so much resentment towards her. If that happened I am very sorry she had to endure that type of abuse. I wish she would've taken to the grave. Thanks Mom.
My mom told me that "he practically RAPED me"...
That was the story of my conception. It definitely damaged my point of view on things a bit. But I always knew my Dad was an asshole, so it's not like it's a surprise.
Tell me, Mother! Who is my real father?
Was it rape rape, or did he fuck her in the ass and the santorum fizzed and fudged out as she staggered barefoot and naked through the vacant lot and some of it ran into her fisted cooze, where the miracle of your conception occurred, OP?
Either way, we're all just weeping for you, and of course understand why you'd bring this to us here at the DL, where we are known for our compassion. As for me, my mother was orally raped by a gang of bikers because she told them she had the clap, and she threw up and some of it hit her gunt. So I know just how you feel. I was born with stomach acid burns on my face and a tattoo on my little bastard ass.
Did any of you condemning the mothers honesty ever consider her feelings?
She did after all end up knocked up with you against her will, endured a full term pregnancy and then had to raise you into adulthood looking at you everyday reliving her ordeal that brought you into existence.
Your a bunch of narcissistic fucks, try to think about for a change the world doesn't revolve around you.
My mom claims she was drunk at the time which could be considered rape.
I love R19
[quote]Are you a child conceived by a rape?
Yes, unfortunately. My mother never let me forget it either. Tremendous abuse. We do not have a relationship now.
I'm not feeling anything.
My biological mother gave me up for adoption when I was born and has never tried to contact me since. I've searched for her on the internet but there's no mention of her anywhere; I assume she probably got married and changed her last name. I often wonder if I was a rape baby, and if that's why she never tried to contact me. I don't want to hunt her down and forge a relationship with her if she's not interested, but I do want to know if I have any siblings or half siblings in the world, what my family medical history is, if my maternal grandparents are still alive and want to meet me before they die, etc.
I also worry that maybe I was a product of incest. It seems unlikely since I've been fit and healthy all my life, and have an above-average IQ, but I've read that only 1 in 4 children born of incestuous relationships actually have birth defects, so it's at least plausible that my biological parents were related. Even if you don't have obvious birth defects, your own kids can inherit your messed up genes and have serious issues, so that's something I'd want to know about as it would effect my own family planning. I only say this because I met a woman once who confided that her father had raped her when she was a teen, got her pregnant, and she ended up running away and raising her kid but decided she'd never tell her daughter how she'd been concieved. Apparently her daughter is healthy but imagine if she has kids of her own and they have awful genetic conditions or are mentally retarded? It takes several generations to purge all the inbreeding shit out of a gene pool.
I guess I'm saying that I think the child has a right to know about the circumstances of their conception if it could impact their health/reproduction/susceptibility to diseases in some way, but if not, the mother should keep the info to herself rather than burden the child with such revelations as "you were an accident" or "you were a rape baby."
Also, if I was a woman and I was impregnated by rape, I'd have an abortion, and if my religious beliefs precluded abortion, I'd give the baby up for adoption. Not raise the kid just to tell it "I never wanted you."
I considered her feelings and realized misery loves company. Narcissistic is a big word for such ignorance. I am impressed, however I didn't consider your feelings when I used the term ignorance when I referred to you.
I hope your life has been perfect and if it hasn't been please remember it's not ALL about you.
Oh and why I'm at it you should look up the use of your vs you're
[quote] the mother should keep the info to herself rather than burden the child with such revelations as "you were an accident" or "you were a rape baby." Also, if I was a woman and I was impregnated by rape, I'd have an abortion
I guess if you actually were a woman you could prevent the child from being burdened by you selfishly being raped by having an abortion. If only women could learn from you. Hey, get yourself down to the gender reassignment clinic and people might take you seriously, although I doubt it.
Life isn't fair and sometimes the truth hurts and what happened to your mother hurt her much more than what you are feeling right now, what did you expect for her to do, abort you or to keep pretending that your conception was somehow immaculate?
At some point you have to grow up and realize the world is not a perfect place, it's how you choose to deal with things that makes the person, obviously you have chosen to only think of yourself as evidenced in the above post, not one iota of compassion for the woman who have you life despite the crime committed against her.
Get over yourself.
[quote]I guess if you actually were a woman you could prevent the child from being burdened by you selfishly being raped by having an abortion.
You write like a Lithuanian immigrant.
R27/28 are douchebags who have no idea what it's like to have a parent off-load something like that. There's no reason for them to do so, and often it's used to hurt their child, and cultivate a sense of guilt in them. You have no idea what it's like to have that put on you.
Go fuck yourselves, assholes.
Some of the most amazingly creative and compassionate humans were created through forced one way lust . The myths are riddled with them. Think of yourself as mythic in proportion. It's a start. You hold a mystery and possibility for love that can be beyond the ordinary.Be proud of that quest in this lifetime.There's power beyond the wound and it calls you to find it.And when you do,the gift will be all the greater because it wasn't given to you, but yours to have found.
Luck be with you!
She obviously wanted you or she would have aborted....
[quote] douchebags who have no idea what it's like to have a parent off-load something like that. There's no reason for them to do so, and often it's used to hurt their child, and cultivate a sense of guilt in them. You have no idea what it's like to have that put on you.
1- Yes, I really do have an idea of what it is like, so quit your unsubstantiated assertions.
2- Have you ever thought about how your mother felt? It's not just about you.
It wasn't my parents, but in doing some genealogy research I've discovered incest in my family tree. It was unsettling, though it's also several generations back.
In terms of being the result of rape: I'd think that knowing is far healthier than repression, but I suppose everyone reacts differently.
I was told for years by my mother that I was an accident - and that she hated my father - and that I was just as ignorant as my father.
Years later, history repeated itself and I very carelessly got pregnant. I didn't want kids and I despise my ex-husband.
Am I ever going to tell my daughter that her father's an asshole and my life would be so much easier if I hadn't had her? Hell no. As far as she's concerned, she was a happy surprise and her father loves her very much.
She doesn't need my baggage. She'll get enough of her own....
A friend of mine was adopted and a few years ago found out that he was the product of a date rape. His biological mother's family was religious and convinced her to have the baby and give it up for adoption rather than have an abortion. I guess the fact that he always knew he was somewhat of an unwanted pregnancy meant that the news didn't really faze him all that much.
R35, Your child was not the product of rape, hating your ex is not the same so stop comparing the two.
Hopefully you will keep your trap shut around your child because you sound insufferable and your kid doesn't deserve your drama.
R35 has too many issues
When my mother (accidentally) got pregnant with me my father asked her to have an abortion (they were married and with one kid already). I don't know why my mother told me this. Probably to badmouth my dad. I didn't affect my feelings towards them, but it was a totally unnecessary revelation.
Wow, I agree that many of you know things that you never should have been told.
I'm sorry. Life can be painful and difficult.
A woman carrying this kind of burden should talk to a therapist & learn how to handle it. She should not lay it on her kid -- what good purpose could that possibly serve?
If a child needs medical/genetic info, the mom can tell a doctor who can give it to him in a clinical context without details about how & why.
My mother shared all kinds of marital woes with my teen-aged sister, who's now 60 years old & still doesn't trust men. My mom had access to therapists & close female friends in whom she could have confided instead of unloading on an impressionable kid & making her choose between her parents.
Family members should not be treated like free shrinks.
[quote}Oh and why I'm at it
R35, why didn't you get an abortion then, if you didn't want kids?
R43, my husband wanted a baby and was ecstatic. He had a nervous breakdown right after she was born and hasn't seen her since.
Yes, I am insufferable and am miserable.
R35 I wasn't comparing it to rape, I was saying that keeping things to yourself is better than dropping it on your kid.
R34 has access to some interesting genealogical records. One assumes she learned of some stories...
However, the main point is thinking weirdly that "knowing" is healthier than "repression." The alternative to "knowing" is "not knowing," dear, and you hardly offer a case that it is healthy to know about such things. The opposite of "repression" is, in your context, "open acceptance," and of course the latter is preferable when it is possible, once "knowing" is forced on a person.
You can't repress what you don't know.
I am a child conceived by rape. I wish to god that I was never told!! I have no self esteem and have felt worthless every since I found out. Everyone that knows always say how giving and nice and wonderful I am and how I always seem to give people the best advice or I am this great fun person or that god doesn't makes mistakes or my all time favorite response I get is, I am here for a reason, well its not a reason that is helping me!! If, you have a child that is brought here through rape, do not destroy their life, their self worth and esteem by telling them that some sexual deviant is their father!!
So, it turns out now that virtually everyone who posts on DL was a child of rape or a sad "accident." who ruined his mother's life?
You think you've got problems.....
All I want to know is how the hell am I going to get my two sweet kittys across the country on an airplane!
And what do I do now that I made an ass of myself cooking up a a complicated and tasty but not appreciated Mexican dinner for my boyfriend's idiotic family and friends on the Cape!!
"Some of the most amazingly creative and compassionate humans were created through forced one way lust"
It's not "lust". It's violence.
I was a botched Mexican abortion. Then my mother decided to keep me until I was 2, when she dumped me off on a pedophile uncle.
I got on with my life at 14. Get over it, shit happens, life sucks. Improve it for yourself.
My grandfather was. His grandmother had been a slave and his mother a share cropper who stayed on the farm and was raped by the owner. They fled Arkansas and moved to South Central, Los Angeles.
I don't know if this counts, but my father used to force himself on my mother, even if she didn't want it. I suppose that would be rape, since she didn't give consent. I don't think they ever had sex for pleasure, at least not anymore when I came along. I don't know much about my birth parents, but I know they weren't married and didn't live together. For all I know, my mother was just one of many women he saw. He only dropped by when he needed a place to crash. He'd get really plastered and then force my mother to have sex. After a few days, he'd leave for weeks, even months at a time. Often she got pregnant and ended up with 11 kids, me being the 8th child.
Needless to say, my sibs and I were neglected. Our father was never a part of our lives and was more often absent than not, and our mother worked long hours (dawn to dusk) as a housemaid in another town. The older ones took care of the younger ones, but with infants and toddlers and 'tweens, not everyone could be watched 24/7. Because of lack of adult supervision, I was often roaming the neighborhood at 4/5/6 years old and was taken advantaged by older men.
I still resent my early upbringing and even as a grown adult I still lament for the life I never had, whereas my therapist thinks I should grieve for the life I did have and move ahead. But I'm not there yet. My life would have been so much easier if I'd had a decent start. I know all my fucked up behavior and mental health issues are related to being sexually/physically/emotionally abused and neglected from birth to age 8, when I was adopted.
R51, it's unusual to be adopted as old as 8. What are your adoptive parents like?
Let's talk about celebrity rape babies.
R52, they divorced when I was 12, so we were only a "family" for 4 years. They'd adopted 4 of my siblings, too, so 5 total, but eventually my adoptive dad relocated to another state, remarried, and adopted another 3 more kids last I heard. We haven't had contact in 17 years.
My adoptive mother is still in my life, though I often wish we were closer. I try but it gets tiring having to be the one to initiate things all the time. If I don't call or drop by, we can go without seeing or speaking to each other for weeks. But she's the only parent I have, so I try to keep some semblance of a relationship. 3 of my siblings have a rocky relationship with her, and my older sister gets along with pretty much everyone, though she does admit Mom can be frustrating sometimes.
[quote]Life isn't fair and sometimes the truth hurts and what happened to your mother hurt her much more than what you are feeling right now, what did you expect for her to do, abort you or to keep pretending that your conception was somehow immaculate?
Of course my mother went through horrible pain and anguish during and after the date rape she endured, and she is still in pain to this day.
But did she have to beat the ever-loving shit out of me nearly every fucking day of my life and constantly remind me that she never wanted me, constantly remind me that she'd been raped and wound up with me? I still have scars on my back from the belt she'd use on me. And I won't even begin to describe the psychological mess I became.
The pain my mother inflicted on me was worse than her rape.
Having an abortion would have been the humane and decent thing to do. Or she could've given me up for adoption. But no, she chose to keep me, and then she chose to physically and emotionally abuse me. She was never able to separate me from her rape.
Children conceived during rape should be aborted or adopted. No woman should have the burden of raising a child born from rape, and no child born from rape should ever be told the circumstances surround his/her conception.
Such a revelation would not be such a burden if the child is reassured by the mother that, no matter what the circumstances of their conception, they are loved and wanted. Your mother may have been raped but she still wanted you enough to have and keep and raise you, so you owe her some gratitude for that. My mother was raped and beaten by my bio-father who was a boyfriend for a short time. He saw me once, briefly, in hospital in the days after I was born, but he took off because she'd taken out a restraining order against him. Too many on this thread seem to be clutching at reasons to feel like victims, like it gives them something to blame for their unhappiness.
R54, weird they'd go to the trouble of adopting 5 half-grown children and then he'd split just to do it all over again. Good you were able to stay close with half of your siblings, though.
R57, I was oversimplifying. There were many factors involved. For one, they had no business adopting 5 kids (ages 4 to 15) when they were just 29 and 32 themselves and had never had kids of their own. I think their biological clock was ticking 'cause they'd tried to have kids and failed (2 pregnancies ended in miscarriages). We also came from a war-torn country, so they felt they were being altruistic or something.
That said, the major reason why the "family" inevitably failed is 'cause they weren't ready to give up their lives. Upon the adoption, Mom agreed to take off one year and become an at-home mother to help us assimilate to the new culture, country, language, etc. But after the year was up, Dad enjoyed having a housewife and wanted her to remain that way. But she was never content just staying at home and being domestic, so she went back to work as a teacher against his wishes. Then the following year, she decided to go to graduate school, which pissed him off even more. They fought so much about that, and it intensified when she started doing other extracurricular activities, too. We have a big Hmong population and my mom became concerned with their plight. So on top of teaching during the day, she helped the Hmong women after school and/or weekends, and on days when she didn't she'd go to grad school until late in the evening. Dad was absent, too. He was a minister, and he was always out doing church-related things, like visiting people in hospitals and other charitable stuff. Furthermore, in the 3rd year after the adoption, they both became involved in love affairs, respectively, but that's another can of worms!
It's like we were pushed to the background, almost forgotten, while they continued to do their own thing. I don't have kids, but I think once you have children, they should be your main priority. Like I said, they weren't finished living their lives, so had no business adopting 5 kids of various ages all at once.
R58, they sound really irresponsible. I don't have children, either, but agree that one needs to or should reprioritize upon deciding to become a parent.
R59, going back to what other people have said about disclosing things to kids, something my adoptive mom told me that really sank my self-esteem even lower, was that she wished she'd adopted infants instead, and that's what she was going to recommend to people seeking adoption. Like it was our fault their marriage broke up and she has a rocky relationship with her adoptive kids. She knew what she was getting herself into taking in/on 5 grown kids from a poor, fatherless family, with a history of abuse, alcoholism, and mental illness... or she should've known.
Obviously they bit off more than they could chew and they failed us. I was really broken up about the breakup of the "family" and then the desertion of my SECOND father, not to mention the PTSD I was experiencing. Because of my mental health problems and self-destructive behavior, I became a ward of the state again until I was 18.
I know I sound bitter, and I am. My formative years were filled with abuse and neglect. What I needed during my adolescence was a stable home and nurturing parents to right that wrong. It might've made the difference. Instead I got more neglect, humiliation (mainly in school where I was bullied), and then sent back to the system. It made me feel unwanted, and to this day I struggle with friendships (if they stay long enough to deal with my bullshit) and I'm barely a functioning adult. I can't hold down jobs 'cause my mental illness gets in the way.
I was conceived by rape in marriage. I wasn't told, I worked it out. Confronted my mum about it when I was a teenager. I actually came across this post while looking for something else and I'm surprised that so many others are aware and have experienced what it's like to suddenly find out such a thing. I haven't really thought about it since the day I said I figured it out and don't feel much different knowing, my parents split when I was young anyway.
On a side note though, she probably shouldn't have had me. She's rather narcissistic and manipulative, spends much of her time whining about trivial things like they are the end of the world. She just didnt abort me because her catholic beliefs gave her a guilty conscience about it. If only she felt guilty about the nasty things she says these days ...
Never ceases to amaze and shock me how parents seem to deliberately fuck up their offspring psychologically. "I'm damaged and I want you damaged too, goddamn you!"
I'm trying to send out healing energy to everyone on this thread.
I also would like to know why r35 never had an abortion. Seems she posted and ran away but also sounds like she HATES her child.
I think R62 has managed to capture it. Oye. Not to mention my brothers who jumped on the bandwagon.
My father was conceived from a rape. My grandmother was under 5 ft. tall, under a hundred pounds, and 14 years old. My grandfather was a huge man, well over six feet tall, 17 years old, from a good family and mentally unstable.
This was the 1930's. She was forced to marry him and within three years of their marriage, he was committed to a mental institution where he remained until my father was in his late 20's. She was so traumatized by this relationship that she never had another man. In fact, her greatest fear when he was released to her was that he would want sex again.
My father, I don't think, ever dealt with the truth of the situation, but it was something that the women of the family very, very quietly discussed and only in a round about way.
I will say that my grandmother loved my father very much. She never put on him the negativity of his conception, and she worked hard every day of her young life to make sure that he had a great education, a home and love... not a small feat for a teenage single mother in the 1930's and 1940's.
How does it sound like she hates her child R63? She wants her kid feel like a happy surprise and even wants her to enjoy a positive relationship with her father. She probably sounds a little bitter in general, but hates her child? Come on.
[quote]Children conceived during rape should be aborted or adopted. No woman should have the burden of raising a child born from rape
Unless she wants to raise her child decently and loves it. Happens all the time, too.
Neither abortion nor adoption are guaranteed to make everyone content either. They can be very traumatizing, if the person doesn't really want it.
I wonder how Precious's children are doing?
Yes, I was conceived in rape in 1955. I was put up for adoption and I was not told the circumstances of my adoption until I met my birthmother in 1995. She told me that she was drugged and raped. It took a while to get my head around it, but I turned it into something very powerful. I had found my purpose for my life. I wanted to speak for the babies who were the "exceptions", those that the federal government would pay to exterminate. I believe a baby is a baby no matter how conceived and I support the personhood amendment that would make an unborn baby have the rights of personhood..i.e., the right to live. Life is wonderful, my life is wonderful and I vow to protect and work for life the rest of my own.
I am a victim of incest rape. I too have a child from this incident, would it be wise not to tell her ever even if she asked me?
I started my life, in a worn down tenement slum
My father left, he never even married mum
I shared the guilt my mama knew
So afraid that others knew I had no name.
In the summer sun
And yet you insist on being called a "love child," R71. You can't have it both ways, you bastard you.
I was never told by my father or mother that I was a product of rape. But I knew it even when I was small because my siblings would always tell me that my Father kidnapped my Mother. My mother had a boyfriend at that time and they were engaged. My father is uneducated. He has no work. My mother is passed the licensure examinations for nursing and had some units in Medical school but my Father forced her not to work because he was so insecure. So now after about 25 years, I'm about to finish law school thru scholarships and grants. I have 6 brothers and sisters who are still going to school. How will they survive with my father and mother doing nothing? My mother doesn't want to work anymore because she practically forgot everything she knew about nursing after 20 years. I feel that it's impossible for me to help my brothers and sisters because I am just going to take the bar this year and the salaries of lawyers in the Philippines is not that good. I will be receiving only around P25,000 per month. How will I feed them when this amount isnt enough for me to live in Manila. Worse of all, I am a closet homosexual. I do not intend at all to have any relationship with anyone because I do not want someone to share my sufferings. I will only be guilty for making life a hell for someone I love. Life is so unfair. My father who only thinks of what he wants: he raped my mother, my mother may have accepted it because she agreed to marry him, but I am also a victim because I hate myself for being a product of rape and I cant change that, he didnt consider family planning at all because he has too much children he couldn't even sustain himself. Then now, my parents and my siblings expects me to support them all. Dont I have a right to have my life also? Why is God or Allah so unfair? I also want to be happy. I will be slaving myself in a law firm or an office but I wouldnt be able to save any for myself. And if I dont support my siblings, I will also suffer because I will be guilty for whatever consequences that would lead to. They would also hate me. My life is such a mess. I have a trashy life. I am an average student in law school. I am an brilliant. How can I fix my life. I am so helpless. No one loves me and no one truly cares for me. I am strong and I fight so hard but I also get tired.
R74, take a job in Australia, and tell your family you've found a fabulous high-paying job in Dubai.
r69, it's against the law to use federal funds for abortion, so calm the fuck down.
Abortions were around before you were born and they'll still be happening after you die. You can't make them go away by closing down clinics. If a woman finds out she's pregnant and really doesn't want to be, she'll find a way to abort or die trying, and there's nothing your self-righteous ass can do about it.
I was feeling sorry for the posters who were products of rape, til I read this thread. What a bunch of self centered a-holes.
Gee, sorry your mother might have resented the rape spawn she had to raise. Little to no venomous rants against the rapist, but pages of vitriol against the damaged person that stuck around.
I remember when this happened to Lily on As The World Turns.
There is a chapter in the book "Far From the Tree" about identity as a child of rape. Hope some of you find this helpful.
OP, Who's your daddy?
R25 - You almost certainly aren't the result of rape or incest - so stop obsessing over the possibility.
Good luck with your search for your mother - with the internet, these days, it's much easier to find people (including people posting old school photos).
First of all, OP, if what your mother said is true, there is only 1 guilty party in this, your bio father.
You have relatives on your father's side, none of whom are guilty of anything, so don't drop the "rape" info on them. You actually might find some decent relatives if you search them out.
[quote] If, you have a child that is brought here through rape, do not destroy their life, their self worth and esteem by telling them that some sexual deviant is their father!!
R46 - We don't know the details of your father (he might have been a sexual deviant), but sometimes people who are essentially decent do rape - alchohol, peer pressure, anger, misunderstandings, drugs can all have a terrible impact.
There are several kinds of rape.
Date rape, acquaintance rape, incest rape, spousal rape.
The new favorite is PC revisionist rape.
What about rape-rape, r85?
I was conceived by a grape
I'm the one who posted in number 74. Can anyone advice me on what to do with my life. It's really complicated. I need some help. I'm really lost.
BTW, just call me ABC in this thread. Thanks again.
Rape is a myth.
r89 is vile.
[R90] is an ugly chick.
I was conceived by two parents who loved each other and now I can't write a really good novel because of it. I need PAIN!!!
I fucking hate my parents.
I have a friend who was told since childhood that her mother had her out of wedlock as a teenager and that her dad (mother's husband) wasn't her biological father. She was told that her biological dad moved across the country.
Her mother died when my friend was in her 30's and her non-biological dad eventually re-married. When my friend was in her late 40's, his new wife told my friend that her biological father was her maternal grandfather.
Needless to say, it was quite the shock.
I am 40 years old. I found out just a couple years back that not only was the man who raised me and who I thought was my father was in fact not, but that my mother was raped and I was the result. How am I suppose to deal with this??
ABC...if he was too insecure for your mother to work, he will probably be too insecure for you to work as well. He will resent that you can provide and he can't. Is he going to bully you into not using your degree? He may make your brothers and sisters throw away any help you provide. Be prepared for that eventuality.
Lots of animals "rape". It is a common behavior in the animal kingdom. Usually called coercive mating. So you are a human animal created in a recognized mating behavior of the animal kingdom. So am I. Our parents allowed their animal instincts to rule. That doesn't mean we have to do the same. Be thankful that your mother wasn't raped by a stranger, that she wasn't physically damaged, that she is relatively psychologically normal, that you and your brothers and sisters are not being raped by your father, that you will do your best never to rape anyone, that you have a chance to love your mother and give your father some tough love too.
[R94] It helps to believe that all of our experiences in life were pre-planned. Lots of people have near death experiences that lead them to believe that all of the "bad" experiences we have on Earth are chosen by us as tests and learning experiences. If someone chose those circumstances, they really weren't a "victim". You have a hurdle learning to love yourself, your mother, the father who raised you, and the biological father/rapist. The man who raised you is your father. What would you tell your adopted child if s/he were result of rape? Would it be his/her fault? Would you love them any less? It is understandable to be upset finding out things you believed for years were lies. That makes you doubt reality.
And this is why I'm pro abortion.
No matter how people say, the rapist child is innocent, they're the understanding ever so kind bystanders. Children of God. WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!
Yes shame on these poor victims for not being able to throw away their lives and bodies to the will of their rapists, sacrifice themselves to their self-centered rapists spawns. Give me a break.
Even adopted children crack addicts and alcoholics, have more compassion for their parents struggles.
Its not your mothers fault she got pregnant with you. She didn't ask for you to be born.
God. I'm going to get sterilized.
My brother was, for sure. My mother never told HIM this. She herself is a result of two adulterers, neither of whom ever wanted her, and this was doring the Great Depression. Abortion was illegal then, and adultery was a criminal offense, with a prison term. I was not, but I should not have been born because pregnacy is a bad idea if you have myxedema !! My grandmother sabotaged my mother's diaphram with pin, because she opposed her going to college. My grandmother did have a lifelong hatred for me other, as she could not abort her until she had the money, which took 6 months. Of course my mother's future was destroyed, and she had the accompanying single parent-poverty existence as expected. None of us were ever given away because it was believed that only losers gave up their children. Abortion, in my view, always makes sense. There should be painkillers for the fetus, so they don't suffer. Pro lifers usually don't care about a baby's fate after birth, and many hate kids a s people, thinking kids should be beaten and dominated by parents-I met some of these. In th case of my brother and I, abortion was only possible if the money was available, and my grandmother used this fact as a weapon against my poor doomed mother. All I can say now, is, work at making your life count. Make it as pleasant as possible with good friends around you- don't accept hate from your family because you arrived by rape or accident.
Yes. Greetings from Europe. And once she said to me, she in away, regrets giving a birth.
So, why am i still here, if i should never exist?
Don't forget about me, the TV poster girl for this subject.
I have just found out by my uncle said that my mother said that she was raped many years ago. She has not told me. The family said she could of been lying. I have asked whom my real father is and my mother does not have a clear idea.
So many different stories, the biggest hurt is that the man I thought was my real father is not.
I have to deal with this and be strong and positive. My self worth as a person must be positive. For all you people who are a product of rape stay strong and have self believe.
Lol, not me but my oldest sister. At least that's what my mom tried to say, her story keeps changing... She didn't seem upset in the least when she said it, acually, she was almost laughing. the pleased by the memory. said she was forced. exactly how she put it. turns out, the father is one of two different men lol. i don't believe there was a rape.
(R75) aka ABC, IS there anyway you can look for a job overseas? This would seem the best solution to me. This way you will be free of your family and will probably be a position to make more money to give to your siblings. Depending on where it is, you might be able to be gay more freely.
Otherwise, you have to do what you feel is best, as far as your siblings go. It's more important that you are supportive of them emotionally than financially. After all, you got where you are on scholarships and you should help and encourage them to do that as well. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever help them out financially, but you can't carry the burden of the whole family on your back. YOU didn't have all these kids. Your parents did. I would say that even if you are making next to nothing, make sure you hold back a little savings for yourself before you give any money to your family. You can decide on the percentage you want to hold back. And then do it. You don't have to even tell anybody. And remember that you are just starting out, so you are at the beginning of your opportunities.
If you take care of yourself first, you are in a much better position to help your siblings in future years.
All the best to you. Good luck