Can you liposuction yourself at home?

I can''t afford a liposuction doctor and I am tired of being fat. Has anyone here performed self lipo at home? How did it go? Any tips?

• Just stab yourself and shove the vacuum hose in there.\ \ Easy.

  Tara Reid

• Use a Dyson.\ \ It''s quicker.

• I prefer the mile for lipo- and blow- jobs.

• Fuck me! I mean''t MIELE. Fucking autocorrect--I eat shit...

  R3

• Don''t be silly OP. For the amount of time you would have to take off work to recover, you are better off developing a coke habit. %0D\ %0D\ Tapeworms are tempting but the thought of one wiggling about inside of me is creepy.

• Those flesh-eating bacteria, OP ... can be harnessed and controlled.\ \ Scientists in Budapest are very close the making this startling announcement!

• Just make sure you use a fresh bag!

• see a shrink

• OP, even if you had a liposuction, the real work starts after the surgery to prevent fat from accumulating.\ \ Get to a gym and get busy. You know what to do.\ \ Lipo is painful, too.

• It''s fun and easy! You need just three simple tools: a box cutter, a straw and a glue gun. It gives total new meaning to the term "self-suck." The results are amazing! The difference in how you will look the next day is stark!

• There''s home lipo kits now available at your local drug store. Good Luck!!!!

• I wish people took this thread more seriously. I have a pesky four pounds that I just CANNOT get rid of!

  LeAnn Rimes-Cibrian, finishing up a Cheerio for breakfast

• You can get the special lipo suction tube for your Hoover. They often have them used on eBay for less than $50.

• R9 what are you talking about?\ \ I was told that one cannot exercise for 6 weeks after lipo. What real work are you talking about?

• I could self-suck nose to nuts when I was a teen.

  I thought you''d like to know that

• Dead fraus tell no tales.

• bump, still waiting for answers.

• [quote] For the amount of time you would have to take off work to recover, you are better off developing a coke habit. Since I'm sure that the OP is G/R/Umpy and he's currently unemployed this should work out well for him.

  Bar%20Bush

• Forget the lipo, I want to hear more from r15!

• Oh, is that why he keeps bumping all these threads from months ago? What an idiot.

• I think Suzanne Somers sells a do-it-yourself lipo machine on her website. Check it out OP.

  Glad%20to%20help

• Get a reverse-cycle Hoover with the lipo attachment. They work great!!!!

• Whatever you do, don't get a Dyson lipo. Everyone who has used that ends up with a lisp.

• Umpina...do not try it.

  Chavreaux

• I want to hear from someone who has had lipo.

• If you really want to lose fat, get your spleen removed. ...it secrets a hormone that aids the body in storing fat, you really don't need your spleen for anything, if you're fit.

• Just poke yourself with an ice pick and let all the gravy run out.

  Joan%20Rivers

• Well, you will be dead if you do it but feel free.

• hairworm

• You can order a lipo kit from the Flow-bee people.

  Anomynous%20

• Hell No, Fuck That Shit. Fuck you all.... Eat shit

  Your%20Mom

• If they sucked the fat out of me there would be nothing left in my head, lips or ass.

• This, OP:

  http://www.gbsaesthetic.com/product/Home-Cavitation-evo.htm

• I had Smart Lipo done on my upper and lower abs and also my chin/neck in December. Takes 3 months for the swelling to go all the way down. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you read the stories at the following website before you do anything like lipo.

  http://www.realself.com/Smart-Lipo/reviews