Karen Walker, awake and pissed

Why the hell am I here and awake so early? Did Pharmy Two forget to bring us our party favors?\ \ What is this "brunch" you speak of? It sounds like a made up word that has no meaning. Like "motherhood", or "gainful employment." \ \ And you''re wearing THAT outside of the house? Oh honey......no.

Vodka is not just for breakfast anymore....
Oh, Honey. You''re simple, you''re shallow and you''re a common whore. That''s why we''re soul mates.
Knock knock, anybody homo?
I want a man who can make a woman feel like a girl. And who can make that girl feel like a slut. And who can make that slut feel like a woman.
You''ll do it like every self-respecting woman does. Get on your back, point your heels to Jesus and think of hand bags
No one in the world would believe you''re straight. You fell outta the gay tree, hitting every gay branch on the way down. And you landed on a gay guy... and you did him.
Excuse me, lady, would you happen to have a breath mint? You do? Well, pop it in your mouth, woman. It''s not doing any good in your purse!
Gosh, I just love gambling here in Vegas. Sure, I may lose $100,000 but the drinks are free so it evens out!
It''s Christmas, for goodness sake. Think about the baby Jesus... up in that tower, letting his hair down... so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dradel and see if there are six more weeks of winter.
Karen: "Rosie, I just met the most incredible man!" Rosario: "Are you sure you just didn''t lean into the doorknob again?"
I am...\ \ ANASTASIA BEAVERHAUSEN
Uh, okay. I don''t know what you people do in Costa-Guata-Mexi-Rico... But here in America, we don''t eat birds.
No one in the world would believe you''re straight. You fell outta the gay tree, hitting every gay branch on the way down. And you landed on a gay guy... and you did him.
r13...stop copying r6
Oops, sorry, you''re right R14. Instead:\ \ Oh I''m telling you, she''s evil! I''m being tortured in my own home; she''s irresponsible, she''s lazy, she drinks, and worst of all she makes fun of what I wear. What are you suppose to say to a woman like that?
R13
Hello Starshine
Oh Lord, honey, you are just as simple as that blouse you''re wearin''.
Are you workin'' me, Wilma?
What really happen to aunt Alice?
G. Page
(Admiring her jewelry...)%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ On my knees in Beliz%0D\ On my back in Iraq%0D\ And then there was that summer in Nantucket...
*Grace''s head is buried in Karen''s crotch* "Grace, honey, I only did this once in college and I didn''t really like it. And I only did it so I could borrow my roommate''s Halston skirt."
I thought we talked about the beret. Patty Hearst couldn''t even pull one off, and she had money and a gun.
Here, honey, have some mood-stabilizer party mix: uppers, downers, and candy corn.
Oh grab a bottle, hunker down and pray for daylight.
Grace: Karen, what are you doing here?%0D\ %0D\ Karen: I''m hiding out. They''ll never think to look for me in government housing.
These are brilliant! Love Karen.
To waiter...%0D\ %0D\ Who said you can look me in the eye, apron boy!
Botox doctor: So, Mrs. Walker, the usual?\ \ Karen: Oh no, honey, Mommy''s got a deep one today! Break out the crap you''re testing on rats and pigs!
Look at me, I''m a funny lesbian! I''m Ellen!
Oh kids ruin everything. I mean look at the stitching on this. You cannot trust a ten year old to do a good hidden button.
Let me show you my swatches
Pours out several pill bottles
Good Lord. I can''t believe I''m at a public pool. Why doesn''t somebody just pee directly on me?
You dragged me down to this God forsaken place to tell me my kids made the Honor Roll? Honey, my time is precious. Call me when one of them gives birth at the prom!
(Deciding she can after all have a relationship with the hunky hotel employee - - - totally paraphrasing here)%0D\ %0D\ HUNK: But you''re upstairs and I''m downstairs%0D\ %0D\ KAREN: That''s OK we''ll make do%0D\ %0D\ HUNK: You have all this money, I''m broke %0D\ %0D\ KAREN: We''ll share%0D\ %0D\ HUNK: I love you!%0D\ %0D\ KAREN: I love you. You''ve made me so happy. Let''s celebrate with a toast!%0D\ %0D\ HUNK: Oh, I''m sorry I don''t drink.%0D\ %0D\ KAREN: It''ll never work we''re from different worlds (walks away)%0D\ %0D
Maid To Last
They''re trying to make gay people straight? Good Lord! Don''t they know what that''ll do to the fall line?
Honey, she''s wearing synthetic plaid. She''s a four day ride and a boat trip from a place called hope.
Lionel: ''I came as soon as you called''%0D\ %0D\ Karen: ''Well that''s very flattering, but let''s talk about us''
Karen has a pill in one hand and a martini in the other: "Why are the two of you so good to me?"
It''s the oldest story in the world, honey. Boy meets girl, boy meets new girl, boy dips girl, boy sleeps with boys. Wait a minute-maybe that''s not the oldest story. Maybe that''s the Sal Mineo story!
Oh Jackie, when I look at these olives at the bottom of my martini glass, I can see 2012. You will be asked to help the rainbow peacock again by playing a gay TV father to a 12 year old boy, only this time there there''s no Rosie, Rosario or a shred of grace. And with no beaverhausen living in the house, YOU''LL be made to wear the Chanel slingbacks. With that kind of premise and writing, I''m thinking the Mayans were predicting the ''end of gays'' not the ''end of days'' in twenty twelve.
Gosh, I just love gambling here in Vegas. Sure, I may lose $100,000 but the drinks are free so it evens out!
R41, keep your eyes on your own work
[R41] we love that one! We loved it when it was [R8}.
@r1 here''s another:\ \ Grace: Trivializing one of her own character flaws...\ \ Karen: "Oh Honey, that would be like calling Vodka JUST a breakfast beverage".
Gosh, I don''t think that I''ve ever been stressed out. \ \ Why would I be? I''ve got practically no responsibilities, my job''s a breeze and I''ve got a KILLER rack. Good morning!
K. Walker
Looking at Grace''s cow-print skirt-\ \ "Move. Move. Moooo-ve!"\ \ "Got skirt?"
Honey, we talked about that blouse...
Honey, when I agreed to drive you to the set, you didn''t say it was on Staten Island. How the hell am I ever gonna get the stench of landfill and working class families out of tropical lightweight wool?
Karen to woman passing by: Oh, honey, could we get a couple of seared ahi salads with honey mustard on the side?\ \ Woman: I don''t work here.\ \ Karen: That wasn''t my question.
Honey, what''s happening?\ \ What''s that?\ \ What''s going on?\ \ What is all this?
honey, pull up your pants! you''re my lawyer, not my dentist!
Lay a paw on me and you will be picking up two different stones from the street.
You say potato, I say vodka.
Cook sometimes cleans, Cleaner sometimes cooks, Driver sometimes provides an alibi....
Karen: "Excuse me sir, I''m looking for Nurse Carver."\ \ Lea DeLaria: "I''m Nurse Carver."\ \ Karen: "Oh, I am sorry. How rude. I always forget that men can be nurses."\ \ DeLaria: "What do you want? By the size of your pupils I''m guessing and upper."\ \ Karen: "I''m a friend of Jack McFarland and I want you to stop picking on him. Your insults are undermining his confidence."\ \ DeLaria: "Which one is he again?"\ \ Karen: "Ah, the big sissy that will never amount to anything."
Your mother doesn''t know you''re gay? What is she--headless?
Listen, I have got one question for you and you''d better consider your answer very carefully. My attorney is horny as hell. I know he''s not much to look at, but he''s horny as hell. Now, if we drop this whole thing, would you go out on a date with him?
On the phone with Will, looking at a male and a female FBI agent:%0D\ %0D\ Honey, there are two men from the FBI here and I need you to....
What did you do, lose the big stick that you poke the bears with?\ \ No honey, here it is.
"Beverley Leslie with your pants so tight, won''t you be my partner tonight?"
"Honey, your gayness can be seen from space!"\ \ Karen to bartender...\ \ "Ah Smitty what''s it all about? Oh wait, I don''t give a crap."
To Beverley Leslie: ''You frosted mini-wheat!''
Oh my, how would you like to live under my skirt?
Meeting an ex-gay and an ex-lesbian:\ \ "Honey, was that just two men or two women?"\ \ Turning down an invitation from Will:\ \ "Oh, honey, I''d come ... but I don''t want to."
Nothing''s more sad than a bunch of queens sitting around quoting a tired sitcom from the 1990s and laughing at each other.
Oh wait, there is one thing sadder. A bitter old troll with nothing better to do than complain about a bunch of queens sitting around quoting a tired sitcom from the 1990s and laughing at each other.
Attention: Beverley Leslie is a homosexual. I repeat: Beverley Leslie is a homosexual.
Well well well , Karen Walker. I thought I smelled gin and regret.
Beverly Leslie
Milk\ \ Milk\ \ Lemonade\ \ Around the back\ \ Fudge is made.
Martini, honey, and dont waste any space with those olives!%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! This is a place of business! Were trying to get some work done in here and we dont need you just barge in...Okay, Im saying it and I don''t even buy it. (starts laughing)%0D\ %0D\ %0D\ GRACE(mockingly): Honey, what''s going on, what''s happening, what''s this all about?%0D\ %0D\ KAREN: Honey, what''s this, what are you doing, who''s that supposed to be? %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D\ %0D
KAREN: Don''t give me that "hee hee hee!" How dare you come between a man and his wife! What you''re doing is morally wrong! I have kids with that man! His ex-wife''s body is ruined as a result! But he''s all I''ve got. You think that you''re coming between me and Stanley Walker, you''re not gonna get him without a fight. That''s right, lady, put ''em up!%0D\ %0D\ TINA: Who''s Stanley Walker?%0D\ %0D\ GRACE: Karen, she''s having an affair with Will''s dad.%0D\ %0D\ KAREN: Oh. Oh! Well, good for you, honey! He''s a good catch, keep up the good work ... got a nice ass!
KAREN: Ugh. Get lost, Wilma. Thanks to you, I''ve got all these awful memories flooding back. My dog getting hit a car. My three-legged dog getting hit by a slower car. My dog, on a little cart, rolling under a school bus.\ \ WILL: Well, as hard as it is remembering these things, dealing with them is how you heal. Was this all the same dog? Why wasn''t he on a leash?
It''s acting! How hard can it be?! I mean Kate Beckinsale is doing it, for chrissakes!
These are truly hilarious, but how are you people quoting the lines so perfectly? Is there some kind of a new book out, "The Witticisms of Karen Walker?"
No, R74! (and now I shall do my best to impersonate an obnoxious 24-yr-old hipster from Williamsburg, NY)%0D\ %0D\ But there are web sites and something called Google, if you''d care to join the 21st century.%0D\ %0D\ What are books? Are you by any chance referring to Kindle data?
50 yr old
Back off, Lezzy Borden.
Just saw the Shohreh Aghdashloo episode today... "Smoking in the office. So inappropriate. Hey, anybody mind if I take my boob out for a second?" ************************************* "How dare you call me a racist! A homophobe? Maybe. Distrustful of Spaniards? Who isn't. But nobody calls me a racist. And you can ask anyone I own."
Karen: I've got nothing and that miniature pony offered you all his money just to take a few rides on him. And you said no? Jack: But I don't like him. Since when is that a problem? Jack: Well played. Ah! I can't do it. Karen: Oh, you'll do it. You'll do it the same way any other self-respecting woman does. Get on your back, point your heels to Jesus, and think of handbags.
Lezzy%20Borden
Karen: You OK Honey? Jack: No I'm not. I thought I wanted to teach this class, but now that I have it again it feels like a step backwards. Karen: Maybe you're just moving on. You're showing growth. Jack (crossing his legs): Oh sorry.
Karen: (bursting into an AA meeting) Attention Weaklings! This woman is a fraud. She's not an alcoholic. Val: Of course she is. If that's not a booze face, I don't know what is. Grace: Karen, get out of here. Karen: Grace, I'm trying to help you. The first step is admitting that you don't have a problem. Come on Grace, let's go. Val: She's staying! She's a horrible, horrible drunk. Karen: The only thing that's horrible about Grace is her hair and her clothes. Val: I know. It's like there's no safe place to rest your eyes.
For your entire life Fate has been cruel to you in almost every way. So maybe this time Fate stepped back, took a good look at you and said "You know what? Enough already."
Attention Republicans...
http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DoifkmM7CCvM