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Keram Malicki-Sanchez knows...

Keram knows that Henry Cavill's biggest problem isn't those photos with a Z-list actor that his flack is trying to cover up, but rather the existence of his now-former relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal. Why do you think production on "Man of Steel" has been so endlessly delayed? The studio got wind of the fact that Star Magazine has still photographs of Henry and Jake in a compromising position -- well, more like a dozen of them -- taken from a CCTV camera during their fling in London, and spent the better part of a year squelching them before proceeding with filming ... if only to avoid the embarrassment of having to fire him and recast the role, since naturally the notion of Superman being played by an out(ed) homosexual is "unacceptable" to them. Again, why do you think Matt Bomer, once a leading candidate for a Superman part, was dropped? Keram knows that Liam Neeson and his horsehung cock have, regrettably, returned to the world of heterosexual sex, but that Liam has no regrets about his widower interlude into homosexualist relations. Keram knows that Matthew Morrison celebrated Gwyneth Paltrow's "halliday" on "Glee" by fucking her senseless in his dressing room -- much to the amusement of his castmates, given the volume. Keram does not know why Gwyneth remains married to Chris Martin, given that it's an open secret in Hollywood that their relationship ended two years ago, and she's since become the biggest co-star slut since Nicole Kidman's heyday, albeit minus the lesbian behavior. She was dropped from the upcoming "Avengers" movie, by the way, after foolishly putting the moves on happily married director Joss Whedon. Keram knows that Gwynnie's former-BFF Madonna is going the Michael Jackson route in her attempts to stop the aging process, and recently spent two weeks and $80,000 at a Switzerland clinic undergoing an endless array of "serum treatments." They didn't take. Keram knows that Ryan Reynolds has fallen into a disturbing depression following the failure of both his marriage to Scarlett Johansson as well as both of his latest leading-role films, and is starting to act out through alcohol overuse. Keram knows that his handlers are flailing left and right to keep this news out of the press. Speaking of substance abuse, Keram knows that Amy Winehouse OD'd on heroin, but her "people" are actively working with paid moles inside London's Metropolitan Police to make her autopsy show that the cause of death was something akin to accidental alcohol poisoning, all in the interests of protecting her perceived legend. Keram also knows that this tactic may not work, given the dramatically heightened scrutiny on the police thanks to the News of the World scandal. Keram knows that Tammy Cruise had a situation on her hands ... no, make that both a literal and figurative Situation, after trying to hit on the aforementioned MTV star during a recent sojourn in New York. Keram knows that The Situation wanted to beat The Living Shit out of Tammy for assuming he was gay, but knew that doing so would be career suicide and thus politely rebuffed her advances. Keram knows that Marc Cherry hadn't planned to end "Desperate Housewives" after this season, but that ABC announced a preemptive ending (actually a cancellation) out of worry that Nicollette Sheridan's harassment lawsuit not only has merit, but that it's only the tip of the proverbial iceberg as far as Cherry's "odd" treatment of women on set goes. Keram knows how awfully strange it is for a gay man in charge of a show about housewives to be such a virulent misogynist, but also knows how clearly anti-feminist and anti-female the show is if you look back at its characters and plots in-depth. Speaking of fucked-up Republicans, Keram knows that Arnold Schwarzenegger has A LOT more illegitimate kids than just the one with his maid...

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