I'm counting on DL to point out the differences.
I've avoided getting involved with bisexual men for years - not for any issue with their own sexual orientation but because, based on my experiences, I've always felt they were different from gay men.
But I met a really great guy and we're very attracted to one another. So I thought I'd break my rule and give it a go. We've had a few dates and have a lot of chemistry. I've made it clear that I'm not a bottom, that I'm versatile, that I'm gay and that I'm a grown man. I feel strongly that his sexuality shouldn't define mine in a limiting way. I've been pretty persuasive about the joys of ass play and I haven't been aggressive and have promised to take my time with him, etc. His comfort level is my highest concern. And he has a gorgeous ass.
But he's a bit of a tease, a bit coy. He says things like, "If you're lucky, maybe I'll let you do this...," etc. I suppose a certain amount of negotiation is to be expected but it makes think what I've always thought about this equation - bisexual men just want to control everything.
Any experience here?
No I don''t think a blanket statement like that is remotely true. Nor for any other sexuality or subgroup of people.
[quote]Any experience here?\
what statement are you objecting to, charlie? I don''t understand your response.
"bisexual men just want to control everything."%0D\
Get this out of your head and try not to project. Enjoy the here and now with this fellow, even the titilation.%0D
He could be defining his level of masculinity by whether he bottoms or not.%0D\
I''ve come across come bi men who think that they''re more "masculine" because they like women as well. Which is total nonsense.%0D\
Be careful, OP.
bisexual = bipolar\
fucked up the lot of them\
Instead of deciding ahead of time how he thinks and what he means.\
Get to know the man. Give him a chance to tell you what and how he thinks rather than go to DL to determine his thoughts. \
OP I can tell you that if this is how you handle relationships then it is doomed, bi or gay.
He tells you, "if you''re lucky?" Fuck that, he''s the one who''s lucky you didn''t throw him back in the pond. Yeesh, he sounds like the high school prom queen meeting out sex to you in small doses and you''re supposed to be grateful for whatever crumbs he throws your way.\
I agree P & D
You should be careful with bisexuals; because they swing both ways, they can be very treacherous.\
I''ve had a friend who dated a bisexual man for many years, and they had been getting more and more serious but then all of a sudden the bisexual boyfriend upped and left saying that he couldn''t stand the pressure of being in a gay relationship and that he hoped he understood. Then he went on to find a woman and settled down. \
With a bisexual there is always a chance, no matter how strong-minded the person may seem, that he will change lanes midway in the relationship. Because, of course, the allure of the mainstream can be greater than any man on earth.
charlie, I don''t see how you''re providing any rationale. bisexuality is a way of passively controlling everything sexually and emotionally, whether you''re straight or gay. not sure why you don''t see that. he can say, "I enjoy being with men but I''m not gay" "I do this but I don''t do that, etc. I suppose on some level that''s everybody but with the bisexual/gay equation is usually turns out "I like to have my cock sucked but I don''t suck cock" "I like to fuck your ass but I won''t rim you or provide proper foreplay and I don''t get fucked" etc. etc.\
ultimately it turns out to be exclusively beneficial to them.
Well R7 thanks for getting to know me, for listening to what I have to say and how I think before making such a ridiculous statement. Now run along.
BiSexual = Cheater. Don''t trust him, OP, because men get thrown under the bus in these sorts of affairs.
"You should be careful with bisexuals; because they swing both ways, they can be very treacherous."%0D\
I am bisexual and was in a same-sex relationship for nearly 15 years. My homosexual partner cheated on me with another treacherous homosexual. I never cheated.
It has been scientifically proven that bisexual men prefer men over women.
Does he have trouty mouth, OP?
"clear that I''m not a bottom, that I''m versatile"\
Um, what? Doesn''t versatile mean top OR bottom?
Would one of the masculine gays weigh-in here, clearly there is not a bisexual among us.
My dream is to one day stumble into a thread in which TheThoughtfulCritic has not already opined.
Oh yeah, and that relationship with a bi guy will work out
Go back ti iVillage, r15.
Some bisexual men are bottoms. Makes sense. They can''t get a real fuck from a girl.
You in danger, OP!
R15, versatile means top AND bottom.
So define bisexual, r22.
Bisexuals are like Germans in Mississippi. They pretend it''s just like being in Muenchen but you know they''d be more comfortable on Mars. Bisexuals don''t understand any of it.%0D
Sorry, meant R16 above.\
I don''t know, R23. I''m a gay man. I''m not bisexual. I''ll leave it to them to define themselves.
Every ''versatile'' I have ever met was a bottom who did not want to admit it.
Nicely put, R24
If you are OK with the idea that he will have sex and flings with chicks, behind your back, if you call him out on it, he''ll give you the ultimatum put up with it or leave.\
Has he suggest having a 3some with a woman yet OP? Don''t worry he will. \
My experiences of bisexual men, is they are cold, manipulating emotional vampires, that eventually leave you for a woman.
So much biphobia. It''s disgusting. This is why bisexual men don''t come out and just pretend to be straight or gay.
Are you bi, r24?
There are full on gays that do that, R10.%0D\
And OP, some guys don''t like things up their ass. Though, I don''t see why that''s a problem for you if you''re so "versatile."
Full on gays are just as likely to cheat or even more so than a bi guy. Bi dudes have been conditioned for relationships through their involvement with women. If people on this board dont appreciate homophobia then stop with the bi-phobia.
Sure do wish the bitchy, desperate bottoms on this thread would just shove it up their ass already. Not everyone is the same as you.\
Someone who is versatile is compelled to fuck and get fucked. Versatile does not mean, "I''m happy just bottoming." Sorry that''s so difficult for you to grasp, R31 but maybe if you got your toes out of your ears once in a while, you''d understand.
Bi men can never be happy with just men, a man can''t satisfy their sexual desire for women, so a gay men dating a bi guy is doomed from the outset.
Versatile means that someone enjoys to fuck and get fucked, not that they''re compelled to.%0D\
Seriously, compelled? If you''re that desperate for ass than he is the one that should be running from you OP, not the other way around.
Not a bottom, you idiot
I love how you speak for every bisexual r34. Thank God we finally have a spokesperson.
insatiable slutty sluts
Um, we''re talking about bi not versatile, bitches.
If you''re that desperate for ass than he is the one that should be running from you.\
Who are you calling an idiot?
How do u guys find a hot masculine bisexual guy?
"bisexuality is a way of passively controlling everything sexually and emotionally"%0D
No, bisexuality means that a person is errotically stimulated by both sexes, at some point or at all points in their lives. It is not a mechanism to control. OP, I think you are reading things into this fellow that are perhaps not there or unrelated to his sexuality to rationalize something. %0D
Bisexuals have partners and love affairs just as heterosexuals and homosexuals do. Why do people thing that for some reason bisexuals lack the ability to control themselves? Why would that be? Just because men and women turn them on?%0D
In no one's life does only one person have the capability to turn another person on. Fedelity and all that has nothing to do with sexuality within the sexes. Bisxuals are not turned on by all men and women and thus must always express that attribute at all times.%0D
Relax OP and quit trying to make blanket statements about people based on your current feelings and insecurities with this person. Why are you afraid of him? Because he is bisexual? Are you prejudiced? Because he is sexually controlling you? Then tell him if you do not like it.
Bisekshulls piss me off.\
The rest of us make up our minds, why shouldn''t they?
Yeah R35, "compelled" as in something that is necessary or required. I obviously feel differently about my sexuality than you do. I''m not going to get involved in a relationship with somebody who doesn''t want me to fuck them.\
You might pleasantly enjoy your sex life whereas I have actual needs. Sexual impulses are primal. Now back to your cross-stitching.
You''re courting disaster OP.
He will come around after awhile OP. Let him have his way first and then he will get more comfortable. But why you would want anything more than sex from a bi man I dont know.
What do you guys think about this new quote from James Franco? Is he bi?\
If We Were Back in WWII, Straight Actor James Franco Would Have Had Sex with You Maybe\
Between World War I and World War II, straight guys could have sex with other guys and still be perceived as straight as long as they acted masculine. Whether you were considered a %E2%80%9Cfairy%E2%80%9D or a %E2%80%9Cqueer%E2%80%9D back then wasn%E2%80%99t based on sexual acts so much as outward behavior. Into the 1950s, 1960s and so on, the straight and gay thing came up based on your sexual partner. Because of those labels, you do it once and you%E2%80%99re gay, so you get fewer guys who are kind of in the middle zone. It sounds as though I%E2%80%99m advocating for an ambiguous zone or something, but I%E2%80%99m just interested in the way perception changes behavior.-\
%E2%80%93James Franco is forced yet again to explain his fascination with gay and queer characters. This time, by Playboy.
R33 Compelled is a strong word, but you''re generally right. I consider myself versatile, and I wouldn''t be happy in a long-term relationship where I could only top or only bottom. It wouldn''t have to be 50/50, but there would have to be some degree of tradeoff.
Then you are not versatile at all, OP.%0D\
Versatility: Able to adapt or be adapted to many different functions or activities.%0D\
This is not you. Required does not fit into the definition of versatile. %0D\
You are a switch, NOT versatile.
Not a cross-stitcher, you dumb shit
You are projecting way too far into the future OP..just enjoy the moment. You are overthinking the whole thing which will end up being the death of it.
it''s over. Punch delete. You came here for advice you know in your heart it''s not to be.\
Bi''s are also know as, giggle, straight- married men.
Pee Wee Poundstone
[quote]And he has a gorgeous ass.%0D\
Do ANYTHING he asks you to. Be his slave.
[quote]How do u guys find a hot masculine bisexual guy?%0D\
By posing as a hot masculine bisexual guy, obviously.
Just remember, at the end of the day, you can''t compete with a woman. They have a vagina, you don''t. You may have the tightest, hottest ass around.... but if he craves to stick it into a cunt, you miss out. %0D\
My "bisexual" boyfriend of several years is far from bisexual. In fact, don''t even hear that anymore. Gay, Gay, GAY!
r48, stop posting nonsense, versatile is the well known term for men who enjoy topping and bottoming.\
I''m versatile myself and, as posted earlier, it would be difficult to enter a serious relationship where one had to exclusively top or bottom. I certainly could just perform in one role or the other but it wouldn''t be ideal in a long-term relationship over time.\
Actually, that ties in nicely with how I feel about entering into a relationship with a bisexual man, and ultimately why I choose not to. I prefer monogamy in a relationship and with a bi guy I would always feel there''s a part of his sexual/romantic nature that I would be unable to satisfy. Of course, a bi man may choose to disregard this other half of himself and remain faithful (just like any gay guy) but would I be comfortable asking him to do that, no. Relationships are hard enough without adding extra complications into the mix.
This isn''t abut being versatile, this about how all bi men use gay men for cheap thrills while they are young, all the while eventually they end up in conventional hetero relationships, probably voting repug and have no interest in gay rights. This is why gay men dislike and mistruth bi guys. \
Someone said bi guys are cunts, I disagree, the are fucking cunts.
"But he''s a bit of a tease, a bit coy. He says things like, "If you''re lucky, maybe I''ll let you do this...," etc. I suppose a certain amount of negotiation is to be expected but it makes think what I''ve always thought about this equation - bisexual men just want to control everything."\
Do you seriously think the only men who use sex teasingly and the only men who are reluctant to enjoy having their asses played with are bisexuals? Maybe this is true of certain bisexual men out it''s also true of many gay men. Especially in an age when straight men are increasingly - albeit slowly but surely - beginning to understand that their prostates are sources of pleasure with their female partners. \
You don''t have to be bi to be a total top. You don''t have to be bi to tease.
"Just remember, at the end of the day, you can''t compete with a woman. They have a vagina, you don''t. You may have the tightest, hottest ass around.... but if he craves to stick it into a cunt, you miss out.\
And she doesn''t have a cock.\
It must be hard to be bi because no matter who you''re with you might feel like you''re missing something.
R51, he does have an incredible ass. I mean, of almost Kim Kardashian proportions. It''s stunning. He''s a kickboxer AND has been dancing the Argentinian Tango for the last 10 years. Gorgeous heavy, thick cock too. He''s Greek, fair skinned, dark hair. Gorgeous.\
He told me last night - his big secret - that he''s only ever been with one other guy before. And then it all started to make more sense. I think he might be coming out. I''m going to take my time with him, enjoy every step. I don''t usually do 101s and I''m not going to get into anything long-term or committed but I''m very happy to show this stud the ropes. My god, that ass.
"It must be hard to be bi because no matter who you''re with you might feel like you''re missing something."%0D\
This is not true. You do not understand bisexuality.%0D\
r61, would you be willing to educate us a little bit? I''m not being argumentative but I have heard a number of married bi guys who describe that (missing something or words to that effect) as the reason they hook up with guys, with or without the wife''s permission. I''m assuming it would be the same for a bi man involved in a gay relationship. I''m referring to ''missing something'' in the context of a long-term exclusive relationship.
R55, I am not posting nonsense. What I posted was the dictionary definition of the word. Versatile implies an adaptability that OP does not possess. You say that it would be "difficult," and "not ideal" to only play one postion, but still say you could do it. That is because you are versatile, aka adaptable.%0D\
OP, on the other hand, is COMPELLED, he NEEDS to play both positions or he will apparently explode. Ergo, he is not versatile in the least.
OP''s boyfriend is starting to remind me of the bi Doctor Matt hooked up with, on Melrose Place.
Hope it ends better...
R63 Are you autistic, or at least have a case of Asberger''s? Why else would you be using a dictionary to define slang terms?
Also R63, are the words "top" and "bottom" in the gay sense in the dictionary as well? If not, we shouldn''t be using those either.
Just because I want to see R63''s head explode:\
versatile - competent in many areas and able to turn with ease from ONE THING to ANOTHER\
it doesn''t mean, I''ll just do the one thing. duh.
R6 You better believe it!%0D\
R9 The exact same thing happened to me - I was with a (closeted) bisexual guy for 4 years, fell in love with him, only person I ever loved, then he got scared when I wanted him to finally come out after 4 years together. He got scared, ended everything abruptly, and went and found a woman so he could be "straight" again and married her last year. I will NEVER date a bi man again.%0D\
Oh, and he had some serious self-acceptance issues on top of that.
R46 Poor James Franco - the excuses and explanations get more and more pathetic.
Sad closet case
"It must be hard to be bi because no matter who you''re with you might feel like you''re missing something.\
Everyone, regardless of their orientation, is missing something by being with one person.\
Bisexuals don''t necessarily need to be with both genders; they are simply drawn to people of each sex. There''s a difference.
OP give it up!
Pee Wee Poundstone
A bi tease deserves the boot up his ass.
I would not want to date someone who can come and go as he pleases while I''m stuck on the other side of the looking glass.
no such thing as.....
My first two boyfriends were bisexual.\
The first one suddenly "realized" that he was straight, mid-relationship, and dumped me for a woman and turned homophobic.\
The second one, I looked the other way while he ogled pictures of women. Then he left me and went to the woman that he''d been angling to get with for the past few months.\
Bisexuals, when you complain about the stigma, realize that it''s not unfounded. If they''d left me for another man, it wouldn''t have hurt nearly as bad. This wasn''t just a rejection of me, it was a rejection of my sexuality. They get to stroll into a society-approved relationship, and leave me behind.
The trick is......You dump a Bi Guy before he dumps you. I should know, I've been through it before around this time last year. If you know he's Bi, He's eventually going to want a woman, no matter how much he might tell you he's in love with you at the time. It's a different story if he suddenly claims to be gay but them switches things up and claims to be bi again and dumps you mid relationship. I didn't let it get that far. At first when our relationship began I told myself, "I'm gonna be the best boyfriend in the world by giving him all of me my love, support, and great sex". As the months passed I watched some of my gay friends pursue relationships with other gay men and it seemed like they didn't have a care in the world with these men while dating them. Which got me thinking. "I'm dating someone who could possible who could potentially leave me, and not only for a man but for a woman as well". "Why should I sell myself short with a guy that I can't fully relate with SEXUALLY!!" DING! DING! DING! I basically learned this lesson early since I'm young (21) and dated this guy for a year and a half. You can say I lucked out that he didn't have the urge to fuck girls during the duration we were together. When I broke it off It was hard because I did grow to love him but at the same time I had to be realistic. I needed to be with a GAY MAN! So I knew I would have to be the one to end it if I didn't want to wind up with a broken heart because "again" I knew he was Bi and that he could eventually start to miss sleeping with a woman. I know this lesson is hard for some of you guys out there who are attracted to Bi Men. I know the appeal that they give off which attracts us Gay Men. It's like dating a Straight Man because you know he still likes to breed pussy which in a way, can make a gay man feel/think he's special and more needed than a woman with a vagina. Let's be real here! An asshole can't outmatch something that is naturally created for a dick. So I got up out of dodge PRONTO, After realizing all of this!
Like the OP I''ve had experience of bisexuals and found them to be teasers. Not sure if they all are but I found it did my head in so no more bisexed for me.%0D\
(I couldn''t understand why she''d want a real smelly cock when mine smells nice, comes in varying sizes and colours and I can keep it ''up'' for as long, or little, as is required!!)%0D\
I am in a relationship wid a bi guy. I am gay versatile. but, the relationship is so complicated. I really cant figure out what i mean to him. He is highly mysterious. Bi guys are confused lots. they just want gay men for fun and short term relationships and one day definitely they ill walk out of the bond and settle for a girl. So, pls dont invest emotions in a bi. treat them lyk your normal friends. I have seen many bi's considering gay men as just fuck-buddies. All they want to hav fun. They r not to b trusted. They end up wounding you in so many ways. Bi guys may sexually satisfy a gay but emotional satisfaction is not their art!
@ Never again...
I ditto your experience. It's always better to maintain emotional distance wid a bi guy. or else to take it as a casual relationship is better. Breaking a relationship wid a bi guy is any day better than dragging it long enough till he leaves u for a woman. I rely hate bi's. I hav tried to understand them but they r highly mysterious. They r impulsive ppl. But i dnt knw y we gay men always get attracted to bi's and they get hooked on to us. A bi can never date a bi!!
[quote]A bi can never date a bi!!
Interesting. Why not?
My husband used to be bisexual. He is now gay.
I dated a bi guy and had the same experience. He told me all the bullshit about how bisexuality was so misunderstood and and wasn't about the gender but the person. Foolishly I believed him. But that is bullshit, it is about gender and sex and sexual desire towards men's bodies and women's bodies. No human is just about "personality".
Anyway he too looked at straight porn, eyed up women, and while I sorta got that and forgave that, almost a year into the relationship I found out he bought an engagement ring for a a girl he was cheating on me with out of our joint savings account.
Later I found out he had a string of affairs and hook-ups with women.
Never ever again. Don't ever believe a bi guy when he tells you it's not about "pussy" it's about "personality" they are just lying to you.
And while they do sexual desire men's bodies they also sexual desire straight sex and women's bodies. And the straight side will always win.
Bi guys use gay men for money, a place to stay rent free, or just as a fun time killer 'til the right woman comes along.
Formerly bi here, now married to a guy. Maybe I was never really bi but I sincerely believed I was. No sexual attraction to women anymore. Fwiw.
Op, what's your prob w a little bit of teasing? As long as you're stuck waiting to fuck his ass, why not have some fun with it?
I dated a bi Spaniard once, and my story is similar to the others on this thread. When we were out together, he would comment on how attractive a woman was, but then get vulgar in his description... When I'd ask him why he did that, he said he needed an outlet for that side of him. He also was awful with affection - he'd cuddle at night in the dark, but never during the course of the day. It got to be too much, and I broke it off with him.
I don't think he was purposely malevolent, but I do think he was cowardly and even a bit sad. While he loved the cock, he also couldn't be fulfilled with just that... I doubt he'll ever truly be happy, with either man or woman.
[quote] almost a year into the relationship I found out he bought an engagement ring for a a girl he was cheating on me with out of our joint savings account.
You set up a joint savings account with someone you hadn't even known for a year????
Slap his face hard, many times
I have always been a bit more "open minded" about bisexuals than most of my gay brothers. I've spent the past 10 years in various relationships with bisexual males and all I can say is no more. There is something off with them that I can no longer tolerate.
It's been my observation that "bi" men are users and abusers of gay men. The above poster who said that bi men use gay men for money, a place to stay and a means to kill time is spot-on.
Bi men call gay men fags behind their backs. But they'll put their penis in your mouth and anus, let you cook for them, and then move on to a woman. Always.
Gay men need to understand that Bi men consider you whores, just as they consider casual female sex partners as whores. You are basically an unpaid prostitute.
Now, with women, it's a little different, but there are still users out there. And it's never a good idea to sleep with a married woman, period.
How is sex with bisexual men?
R90, just as with gay men, sex with bisexual men is hit or miss...largely miss...
R89, is anyone allowed to have casual sex in your world? Or is it just bisexuals who are evil if they do?
I am only attracted to bisexual and heterosexual dudes.
I had two relationships with bi guys, the first was fine. We did break up and he did go off with a chick, but my heart wasn't in the relationship and neither was his, so I couldn't get too upset with him or him with me. We sorta stayed friendly and when we see each other out at clubs and shit we'll always say hi and be cool to each other.
The second was a different story. I was crazy about him and he said he was crazy about me. But it was four years of thinly veiled misery.
He constantly yet subtly compared gay sex with straight sex, compare me with women and how I measured up.
He pressured me into numerous mmf threesomes which I hated, when I'd refuse he called me an "uptight selfish faggot" exact words. He would walk out on me for days and tell me he was leaving me for a woman. He cheated on me all the time, but I put up with it, made excuse after excuse.
He always came back, so contrite and loving and telling me how he was ready to accept his homosexuality and was done with women. Finally he met up with some wannabe actress and moved to LA. told me he finally figured out he was always really straight and wanted to erase the gay part of his life for good and that was the last I heard of him.
Never really got over it, he made me hate being gay for the longest time.
That's sad, R94. It's especially vile that the last one made you have sex with women... I hope you're in a much better place now.
How old were you in each of those relationships, just out of curiosity?
A lot of the guys being described here sound like classic, run of the mill pathetic closet cases.
The first one we were both 22, and it was a fun happy casual relationship. Neither of us were serious about a ltr. So I think that was fine. He was and still is a great fun guy. Still bisexual and in a happy open relationship with a bi girl for the last 3 years.
I was 24 when I began dating the second guy. I was 28 when he left me and 31 when I was able to even begin trust a guy again. While I could never date a bi guy, my first bf was awesome guy, we had a fun time together. So I could never tell a guy what to do, just tell them my experience.
I'm 33 now and still I'm paranoid about it. Even if a potential boyfriend shows any bi signs, no matter how small, I never date him. So it really scarred me. But yeah still, I could never tell a guy not to date a bi guy.
I sometime wonder if he treated that girl the same way; cheated on her with guys, had her get into threesomes with guys and told her the same things he told me or did he get hitched and have kids and put his bisexuality behind him?
"Still bisexual and in a happy open relationship with a bi girl for the last 3 years."
That's so odd, though... He is attracted to both sexes, but he could only make a relationship with a woman work? Why do so many bi guys eventually end up with women? If they are only romantically attracted to women, that still doesn't explain why so many of them enter into relationships with men...
I think it's easier, he did date guys too. I think he dated another bi guy for a while but I'm guessing bi women are less hung about bisexuality and they both are happy with the situation, she has her female flings and he has his male flings. It seems to work for them.
I think women (bi women) are much more open and content with true life long bisexuality and bisexual relationships.
" Why do so many bi guys eventually end up with women?"
Because they want biological kids. Is that a crime? Or does every relationship have to have the potential to be a life-long relationship?
The ones that don't want kids (or who already have them) are usually much more eager to end up in a lifelong gay relationship after that.
10/10! Well done, OP!
I have a similar experience as some of you, dated a "bi" guy for 2 years. Well he started out as bi, then said he was gay, then said he wasn't sure. I figured he was gay and still not ready to be open about it because he never said much of anything about women. I dont think he commented once on a woman being attractive...although he did sometimes watch MMF porn in addition to gay porn. When I told him I wanted us to be more open about our relationship and put some pressure on it (my friends and family knew about him, none of his about me), he split. I put up with a lot of bullshit because he was my first "true love" I thought..He is with a woman now, I pity her for dealing with the headcase.
The only way to make this work is two bi men and a chick making like it's the 60s.
Tuesday morning around 6:30 I was in bed asleep with the nominally bisexual guy I've been hooking up with for the last few weeks, having no doubt blissful dreams, when all of a sudden I was rudely awakened by the sound of his phone ringing. It was his 17-year-old girlfriend.
I don't really have anything particularly against bisexual guys, or guys with girlfriends, but I do have a problem with sleeping with a guy who doesn't have the good sense to tell his jailbait girlfriend not to call him when she's getting ready for school, if he's in bed with another man.
Bi guys are weird and creepy.
ewwwww. does his cock taste like tuna?
Oh look everyone! It's the 'Tuna' troll!
I could never be with a man who'd been with a woman. Just the idea of his cock in my mouth, knowing it had been in a stinky fish cave would make me vomit.
I'm sorry, but "If you're lucky, maybe I'll let you do this...," is unacceptable. Makes him sound like a frigid frau who can't bring herself to suck cock but loves power-games.
They seem needy and desperate
[quote]My experiences of bisexual men, is they are cold, manipulating emotional vampires, that eventually leave you for a woman.
That's been my experience, but he didn't leave me for a woman. I left him for someone who wasn't distant or socially awkward.
I think he considered himself bisexual because he wasn't very sexual to begin with. After years of being the only one to initiate sex I finally stopped and for the last year we didn't have sex. I don't think he noticed. I started having flings with other people and we drifted apart.
In my experience bi guys don't want to be out to their families and friends. It's basically being on the downlow, since they typically have a girlfriend on the side.
Sometimes I'm okay with this arrangement, other times I'm not.
[quote] He says things like, "If you're lucky, maybe I'll let you do this...
Sounds like he's hustling you with the bi angle, when he's really gay. He knows a lot of gay men love the chase and challenge of a bi man, and this is the way he can get what he really wants (to get fucked).
I only date bi dudes. They tend to be laid back, chill, masculine, and mainstream.
pics please. bisexuals are hot
Bi dudes are hotter
I am dating a bi dudes with 6 kids who is 28. I love it! He is hot and very masculine.
Dating a bisexual guy is like keeping a tiger as a pet, and then being shocked when it attacks you. Bisexual men perceive and feel in an entirely different way than gay men, and we shouldn't mix for the very simple reason that we are not compatible. Bisexual men tend to view sexuality as a manifestation of power and an extension of the heterosexual privilege that they so very much crave. They are incapable of understanding gay people because, to them, we are neither useful nor conductive to any form of social prestige. the emotional dimension of same sex attraction is something that they cannot understand or refuse to validate, because they cannot fully experience it.
We are just there to be emotionally and sexually exploited until the moment they realize that heterosexual people are grossed out by their same sex attraction, dishonesty and overall creepiness, at which point they are swift to victimize themselves as say that they want to stand next to the same gay brothers and sisters they would be happy to discriminate against if heteros tolerate bisexuality.
I will never, ever understand how and why the gay rights movement decided to make the mistake of including these individuals in their fight for equality - they are a community of their own, and they don't need equal rights, because they already have them.
R120 Agree 100 percent.
9 times out of 10, bisexuals will always settle down with the opposite sex because the heterosexual life is easier than the gay life. They are also usually sociopaths and don't care about anyone but themselves.
As someone who has been with several bisexual men before, all I can say is run and run FAST from them. Save yourself the heartache and don't get onto the emotional rollercoaster.
How about two bisexual dudes dating?
Don't get to worried about it OP, he'll ditch you for a girl and a normal life soon enough.
Exactly R122! That seems a rarity. Two bisexual guys dating each other. I'd love to hear some stories about that. Probably never happens because there's not much room for a power play.
OP here. It didn't last long at all with the bi guy. I was never on board with his assumption of superiority - that I would be lucky if he let me do this or that, things that I could easily experience and share with a gay man - and we stopped seeing each other. It was as I suspected, just a power play, a long drawn out tease to avoid intimate, engaging contact.
Bisexual is not the same as gay. They should just date each other but I suspect the mindset of the bisexual is to assert some exoticism and imply that a part of them is out of bounds and always out of reach regardless of whom they're involved with. It's mostly head games.
R124 You got it. It's just a bunch of head games and a complete waste of time. And like you said, notice how bisexuals never seem to date other bisexuals; it really does seem to be because they all have such huge egos that it wouldn't even last a short time.
I only date bi dudes and "open minded" straight bros.
bi is hot, bro
A lot of gay guys love bi dudes. Especially on Craigslist. In fact, amongst m4m, bi dudes are preferred online.
@ r130, that's because those are the Gay men who know what bisexual guys are all about. When we want NSA sex, we seek bi guys. When we want a real and meaningful relationship, we seek other Gay Men.
I don't know why other Gay Men bother with bi guys in a relationship sense... we don't fit at all.
R131, well, maybe some gay men do show an interest in bisexuals for hook ups. Personally, I find their inherent sleaziness and creepy behaviour to be absolutely repulsive.
Also, I have to wonder what sort of gay men would feel attracted to the "I want to hook up with a guy during the hour that my poor, unsuspecting wife will spend doing our weekly grocery shopping. I really want to suck/get sucked or fuck/get fucked, but I'm TOTALLY/MOSTLY straight, so no homo! By the way, no one understands me!" crowd. Probably, people who don't respect themselves too much and are beset by internalized homophobia.
I completely agree that we are two different species and shouldn't mix at all. We gay people, for all of our defects, tend to think about something other than lying, manipulating and emotionally and sexually exploiting everyone around us because oh, our sexuality is so confusing and that makes us soooo special and unique!
Op I dated a bisexual guy for a while and I hoped it would turn into something lasting. Look - it didn't turn out well for all of the reasons that the other posted have stated.
I wouldn't do it again. I'm gay. A bisexual male is not gay. It's simple maths. He was pretty fucked up about it and then one day everything was over.
I was replaced with a woman and that was the end of it. I couldn't do anything about it. I would never date another bisexual man.
So ignore all of our advice and enter at your own peril.
Man i would love to find a bi- guy for LTR. i am little bi- curious. i dont know start feeling curious when i was with a guy for three months he introduced me to MMF, since then but i would love to settle down with a bi guy. i am pure bottom but a fit guy. pro-BB so you might imagine that you get a lot of attention. i would encourage him to do straight sex its a turn on for me to just see my partner doing it.
I prefer a bi- guy because i would like to try MMF with him and if we like it together then why not baby in the end you are still coming home to sleep with me in my bed. and bring flowers for me. what do you need SEX is not equals LOVE.
Bi Dudes are more masculine. Keepin it real.
I've been perusing a bi forum recently out of curiosity, I think I got it from someone on DL (link below). From looking at the forum I would have to agree that they are a completely different species to gay men, not bad or anything, but certainly different.
There really does seem to be some sort of power play dynamic at work. Almost all the guys on the bi forum talk about their interaction with men on a purely sexual level, they have no emotional connection to men at all. In fact, many of them see their same-sex interactions as a kind of kink/fetish - one guy described it similar to a foot fetish. And yet, they take offence if a gay guy might not want to get involved with them.
For NSA sex (which is not my thing) I could see the gay/bi connection working because both parties are on the same page about what they want. As for a relationship with a bi guy that wouldn't be for me but hey, to each their own.
Forbidden fruit, so to speak. Bi guys are an extension and permission for the unrelenting fantasy of snagging the straight dude.
As a lesbian I find this thread interesting. I know some straight women who have dated bi guys and all of them ended up being burned by those guys. The consensus among women seems to be that bisexual men are closeted gay men and that they always end up cheating with a man or just dumping their women when they finally have the guts to come out.
I have always believed this too because I have personally witnessed so many gay guys start as bi and drop the label later.
So women can't trust them and men apparently cant either. Crying about biphobia is useless as long as people get burned.
It's interesting how straight women view bi guys as closeted gay men who will cheat or eventually leave them for a man while gay men assume that bi guys will eventually leave them for women. I guess many bi people feel they can't win either way.
On the other hand, I never really hear too many straight guys expressing concern over being involved with a bi woman and then being left for a woman.
I've read this too, R138. Bi Men need the convenience or comfort of a straight romance and the convenience and outlet of gay sex. they have always tried to get it all ways from what I've experienced.
Isn't that miscegenation?
OP was the one to enter the relationship with a lot of prejudice against bisexual people and now he is surprised that it didn't work? And somehow tries to blame the other guy for it?
The level of prejudice and discrimination against bisexual people among gay is astonishing. It's real irony that so many gays don't see that the way they think about and treat bisexuals is not that different from what straight homophobes think about gays (and bisexuals as well).
So much ignorance about bisexual dudes here.
R142, come out of it! Bisexual men are among the most rabidly homophobic individuals there are, and are often deeply conflicted about their sexuality. Moreover, they always approach interactions with gay men as an exercise of power, and view said interactions as something devoid of value. Consequently, it isn't surprising that gay men would refuse to have anything to do with them. homophobia is caused by an irrational rejection of same sex attraction (that homophobes often experience themselves, and try to deny, hide and purge demonizing gay people). On the other hand, biphobia among gay people stems from the fact that bisexual men behave appallingly towards gays, but then like to "be part" of the LGT community whenever it suits them.
Stop trying to misrepresent the way in which gay people behave towards bisexuals. Despicable behaviour begets rejection and, in this case, it is COMPLETELY justified.
Break it off. He isn't worth pursuing. Explain to him, the two of you are not sexually compatible; you want a opportunities in the bedroom he isn't comfortable doing, and you cannot be with someone who isn't willing to compromise and negotiate to accommodate sexual needs...as you'd been so generous to him.
Life is too fucking short, keep moving.
You can fall in love with anyone, if given the proper setting and time frame. You just need to be selective and keep moving to find the PERFECT person for you.
Dating a single bi guy is one thing but everyone should steer clear of the married ones or those with a gf. They make one, as Suzanne Sugarbaker put it, "hates everyone who eats cake". Squirt.org is infested with them, always looking for a tumble when the "little lady" is out of the house.
How can gays be phobic against a group partaking in same sex behaviors and attractions...
Also, gays can't be phobic about straight sexuality...so your point is erroneous.
most of the grief bisexuals get are for the following:
callowness towards homophobia(bisexuals can walk down the street holding their opposite partners hand, but not with someone of the same sex...)
a misdirected attempt to "lecture" gays about bigotry--considering that the majority of attacks are towards gays.
history of many gays that actually claimed "bisexuality" before coming to accept their identity.
I'm not suggesting bisexuality doesn't exist-quite the contrary, I think it is very common, which is why some "heterosexuals" are VERY threatened by gays. Additionally, society doesn't look at relationships in grey, but black and white(which is wrong). You are with that person-and therefore your identity fulfills that criteria.
Attraction is not something exact, we can't control who we want, but we do shape our behaviors toward them-Just like our negativity.
I am a bi dude. I have never dated a dude, but not opposed to it if happens.
I only date bi or DL men. Masculinity is most important.
Those men aren't bi r145 they are gay & closeted.
I only date bi dudes. They tend to act like mainstream guys and fit in with my buds.
So, in essence, R154, you're single and going to remain so for life?
Why do people think that bi people, specifically bi men, are going to ditch them for the opposite sex? I'm not saying it can't or hasn't happened (and I'm sorry for those who had to go through that, you deserved better) but we don't crave pussy or ass/dick. (if with a woman) I haven't (I obviously can't speak for other bi guys) ever thought about a man when I was with a chick or vise versa if I was with a man. I'm completely content with who I am with.
Dating... I've dated both and enjoyed both. I don't prefer one over the other. I never cheated or like I said earlier, have the desire to have sex with either the opposite or same-sex. These relationships never ended due to my bisexuality or fear from the other person thinking I was going to leave them.
Being bi means being attracted to both sexes NOT NEEDING BOTH! We can control ourselves just like any other man on earth. They're are slutty straight, gays, and bisexual out there. Not one more than the other. ANYONE CAN CHEAT.
About the bi people being able to pick the "normal" life, you know, having a wife and kids...those who break up a relationship because of this ARE COWARDS. And, it seems most people hate those types and you should. They are the lowest form of life. Being in a gay relationship is just as normal (yes, you will be discriminated against, so what?). Fucking cowards.
I know I missed something important...
Not the important thing but I repeat it...Every person is different so I can't expect every bi person to fit this. Sexuality is not in black and white. It's fluid.
I wish no straight women or gay guys ever have to go through those things when it comes to dealing with bi guys but it's still a world where people are afraid of being who they are.
Bi or Bust, bro
I like bi dudes. I can hardly be in the same room with a fem gay, forget trying to have sex.
R158, you have bigger issues than fem gays. Learn to like yourself. BTW "can hardly be in the same room" is very drama Mary-ish.
I am only attracted to bi dudes.
You'll be single for life, R161. As long as you're okay about that. Have fun.
Good points, R147.
mixed orientation dating is hot
I believe sexual preference is genetic.
I also believe that monogamy is also genetic.
Bi guys who are monogamous get into a love relationship and settle down. And quickly. They don't stray and they are satisfied with their partner. They don't cause drama and therefore we don't hear about them.
Bi guys who are NOT monogamous cause pain and heartache everywhere they land. Cheaters and gender switchers to both the men and women who date them. They create the negative stereotype.
R165, the problem is that bisexual men will only settle down with women, and often whine about the fact that gay men don't want anything to do with them. Well, if you are only "dating" men as a way to pass the time, while looking for the woman you want to marry, it's likely that they won't want to date you.
Also, I have never met (nor heard of) a single bisexual man who wasn't unfaithful to their spouse/partner. NEVER. While they often make an effort to hide their escapades from their wives and girlfriends, they proudly lord their heterosexuality over their gay lovers. Then, when they have to face the consequences of their actions, they invariably claim that they are misunderstood, and the world is rife with biphobia.
I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than have anything to do with a bisexual man.
r166, well thankfully your limited experience with bisexual men is not a universal truth, dude.
"I also believe that monogamy is also genetic"
[quote]"If you're lucky, maybe I'll let you do this...,"
Another bisexual fucktard that thinks he's above you and better than you, even as he's sucking your cock. STAY AWAY FROM BI MEN. They are trash.
True bisexuals are like a needle in a big haystack.
Later they go for men because they are really gay and got over the "experimenting" fantasy,
or return to women or a woman and pretend they do not like dick.
r169, so flaming Helen keller can see that he is a fag
r171, even if you're a bi, you're still a FAG in the eyes of the straight world. So go eat shit, FAG.
brilliant post r120! I'm copying and pasting it because it deserves to be seen by all.
[quote]Dating a bisexual guy is like keeping a tiger as a pet, and then being shocked when it attacks you. Bisexual men perceive and feel in an entirely different way than gay men, and we shouldn't mix for the very simple reason that we are not compatible. Bisexual men tend to view sexuality as a manifestation of power and an extension of the heterosexual privilege that they so very much crave. They are incapable of understanding gay people because, to them, we are neither useful nor conductive to any form of social prestige. the emotional dimension of same sex attraction is something that they cannot understand or refuse to validate, because they cannot fully experience it.
We are just there to be emotionally and sexually exploited until the moment they realize that heterosexual people are grossed out by their same sex attraction, dishonesty and overall creepiness, at which point they are swift to victimize themselves as say that they want to stand next to the same gay brothers and sisters they would be happy to discriminate against if heteros tolerate bisexuality.
I will never, ever understand how and why the gay rights movement decided to make the mistake of including these individuals in their fight for equality - they are a community of their own, and they don't need equal rights, because they already have them.
Bi's think they are [special]. All things to all people, men and women. I think it is really quite rare to be bi and most are gay's who do not want to commit to being gay.
i'm not touching this tread with my ten foot pole.
True, r176. The vast majority of bi guys are in the closet anyway (and will never ever leave it because they want that straight privilege). They become devious liars because it's just a way of life for them (to get the sex they want but retain their straight status).
Bisexual men are hot. At least they're not embarrassingly flaming and can fit in decent company. Who can blame them for not wanting to be associated with the Ross Matthews of this world?
Oh my, thank you, R175!
R179, your internalized homophobia is as disgusting as the behaviour of most bisexual men. Please, go to therapy. Passing for straight and being decent human beings are two very different things. It's very sad that you cannot appreciate the difference.
Hey y'alls, Beyoncé's new release is out and its red hot. It full o da swag, y'alls. She done sold 90 million copies in just two days time. She the icon of our time. Download it now on iTunes, y'alls.
Oh I meant r179, r180 is a flaming queen
Lots of hissin' going on here
Bi men come on here posing as gay men and say "Bi guys are hot, bi guys are the best, etc". IDIOTS. We know you frauds are posting that garbage. You might be good for a roll in the hay, but that's IT - no relationships. You can go back to your girlfriends and wives you cheat on constantly.
I was married to a bisexual once. He left me for another woman. The ultimate rejection.
I am only attracted to bi and straight males.
Im bi sexual i love dominating women...but inturn love being dominated by a man.But i feel no emotional attachment to men only sexual ,i like recieving
anal but not giving it.I like giving head but not really recieving it. Im also attracted to shemales who i could get emotionally involved with ..every bi sexual is different
You're not bisexual R188, you're a heterosexual man with a humiliaton and tranny fetish.
There are more appropriate forums on the net for you. Please find one.
This thread was started in July, 2011...Can the OP update us on how this situation actually turned out? I'd be very interested in hearing...
Personally, I avoid the bisexuals for anything beyond brief sexual affairs.
Maybe "treacherous, devious, deceitful & controlling" applies in some of their cases, but I think it's more about their inability to commit to any one person, of either sex.
r188, trust me, once you come across a gorgeous, pretty looking dude that can take it like a champ, you will start having emotional feelings.
Bi for life, bruh!
how do you find bi dudes?
Bi dudes are hotter, more masculine.
dream on r195
I've recently had a chance to deal with bi guy
I must say I wasn't aware of the deal when it has started cos the whole " I'm bi " wasn't said till later when we were already dealing with each other
I must say - a bit of waste of time, lots of frustration and head games
I don't think it can ever work for me- they're simply seem to be to soaked into this heteronormative lifestyle
Lots of them want to have kids families etc therefore building anything of a substance with gay guys for them seem to be a bit impossible
( so I was told by him)
I must admit
I feel strongly about M2M relationship, that said to me any women involvement ruins the charm
I simply cannot possibly find a reason why would I need a women involved in my relationship , and for my guy to be aroused by all this delicacy of girls etc etc pretty much softens him too much in my view and it turns the whole thing into less exciting, less manly, less interesting and clearly if feels insulting if he even considered women over me
I need him tough and rough and all testosterony
And for me it is purely boys game
Therefore bisexuals never seemed attractive to me purely because of their weakness for feminine traits they find amusing in women
I'd never tried again
I guess to each their own
No tits,vaginas or skirts for me thanks
I actually went and checked out the shybiguy forum someone suggested earlier in this thread
It seems like they never talk about men in any other way then sexual
They're all like " they love their girlfriends and wives so much" but they just need this scratch on their itch
Only one thread I've found was about 2 guys relationship and the rest seem to be discussions how to come out to their wives so they can let then do guys every now and then, how to deal with guilt when they cheat, how to convinced their gfs and wives for MMF threesomes and similar stereotypical subjects
I must say I've always seen them this way but I've got an outrage once after commenting on tumbrl about the subject
They were all like how much biphobic I am and typical Ra Ra Ra winch
Yet I go now and look at their discussion forum - and all I see it's exact stereotype picture of all of them
No point of getting serious with them
They good if you bored and up for a quickie - but don't waste your time investing your feelings
You're just scratching their itch - as they describe it themselves
bi or bust
I could never be with a man whose dick had been in one of those smelly things.
Wow, I can't believe I read all 202 comments on this damn topic. What am I doing with my life? Anywho
I am a bisexual woman, married to a bisexual man. Love him to death, Wouldn't trade him for the world and we are on the same page We are honest and open with each other and I am very glad I met him.
Even before my 'cop-out'- hetero marriage, (It may look like that on the surface, but I beg to differ.)...I have noticed many things. I have dated all orientations except for non-queer, strait males. Their ingrained homophobia just didn't cut it for me and thus made them ugly, unattractive and just a bore.
When I dated lesbians, they were so paranoid I was going to leave them for a 'walnut sack', they'd raise hell if I even breathed in another man's direction. it's funny because it wasn't I who caused the relationships to end because I was cheating or was a bad lover... it was due to the insecurity of the lesbians. Hell, if they didn't have a bad case of biphobia and jealousy, I would have married my last lesbian ex-girlfriend.
I dated a trans female, She was the first real relationship where I wasn't eyed like a hawk around men.
and then I had a bisexual girlfriend...still, no drama. We had to break up because I joined the military, she couldn't do a long-distance relationship and back then, Dont ask don't tell was in full wing. Forget the gay marriage.
This is why I firmly believe that gay people are right. At first I thought it made sense that us B's would be put in the LGT... after all, we are half as gay as they are... and in the strait's eye's that's still pure gayness. But upon hearing what gays and lesbians have to say about us bi's, we are like the unloved, demonized, dehumanized, untrusted, cuckoo bird cousin in the family whom was twice removed. We should just start our own thing, represent each other and date/marry each other. I'd be willing to even put down my life's savings and get other bi's aware and get caught up in a bi movement. It takes a bisexual to understand another. Bisexuals are usually the more forgiving type, so we typically take it with a grain of salt what gays/lesbians have to say... but since the Gay Rights Movement is taking a turn for more victories, bi's are becoming the N-words of the community. So much, some people only recognize it as the LGT community. It's bad enough the others are trying to 'erase' our very existence as it is. We are neither gay, nor strait and even though we bi's are living life, sexuality for people is to be seen as black or white. To go against it, is an abomination I guess. I feel gay people would not demonize bi's so much if they got to know bisexuals in monogamous, gay relationships instead of just assuming all parties are gay.
Oh, not to mention almost every gay man or lesbian I run into has to go on and on and on and ON about how gross 'rigor-mortis flaps' or 'fish' is. Okay, we get it, you are gay/lesbian. This is not kindergarten. We are grown adults and we know what pee pees and tinkles are... and we should show our preferences for them maturely. If you go out of your way to post your disdain for genitals and want the whole damn world to know about it... it just shows an underlying problem. However, me being bi, I don't see the point, but that's just me.
I am not going to toot my horn or try to make bisexuals out to be 'special snowflakes'... but I will say this upon observation: Bisexuals tend to be the most accepting, fun-loving, open, chilled, laid back, take-it-as-they go crowd. They also don't hold too many grudges.
On the same note, I believe that bisexuals need to become more empathetic to strait people and gay people and realize that no matter how far-fetched to us it may seem... there are people who are solely attracted to one gender.
I think the only queer-group more open than the Bi is the Trans. Not only are they dating different genders... they aim to change their genders all-together. Though there are occasions when I wish I was male, I would say that firm decision and dedication is too far and beyond even for me.
R203, your girlfriends' paranoia was appropriate. And yes, please go start your own movement, although I doubt it'll go very far since none of you will be able to commit to one agenda.
to reply 204
Exactly why was my lesbian girlfriend's fear 'appropriate''? It was their paranoia that ended the relationships. I'm just doing my own thing, trying to make the relationship work, thinking everything's peachy and they are spazzing out, shifty eyed with no merit whatsofreakingever. A man would shake my hand and they'd be ready to brawl. (Are gays and lesbians just in short demand or something? And if so, I suppose bi's must be even rarer, though I doubt it.) I had done nothing wrong but claim my attraction to men... and this was even before I dated/had sex with one in the flesh. So it was those women's loss. Bisexual or not, I was someone who loved and cared dearly them for them, not necessarily their gender (though outward gender is obvious and males and females are different.) Their fear held them back from a genuine and long term and loving relationship/future marriage. Tough cookies. I loved them, but they blew it. I wish them happiness in their quest for other 'Gold Star' 'true-breed, Kinsey 6, card number 777 Poke'Digimon lesbians.
I'm starting to see that many gay men and lesbians have sour grapes and a shoulder chip for Bi's. Some of it is from outright misunderstanding, never meeting a bisexual and some of it comes from their past lover ''leaving them''. Okay, yes, abruptly leaving/cheating is not cool. But what I don't get it why gay/lesbians tend to take it so to heart when their lover leaves them for the opposite gender. That is where I am lost. You should you be sad that you were just left'cheated on and not raging over the fact your partner left you for some 'hairy-ass' or 'trout'? It's like the point was missed somewhere. Why is it considered an insult if your ex's new partner is of the opposite sex? Is the battle of the sexes that deeply ingrained in most people? Bi's on the other hand, don't mope because their partner leaves them for a strait, gay or bi relationship. We'd mope because what we thought we had is over. And we certainly don't really develop a distrust, or in extreme cases, hatred of said gender your lover 'left you for.'
It's not like we bi's MUST guzzle up men and women in one fell swoop, or we go crazy. We don't have a switch that just like males, then females, males, females. If it seems that way, it may be coincidence, but most of us generally go for human beings we click with. And that is something people need to get.
I think if there is a Bi-Movement, it'll have nowhere to go but up. After all, some people feel we do not belong in the community we are currently in. Besides, we are on the same page and bis just mesh better with other bis'. We understand our needs and we just go with the flow of things. It's just whatever. Some people mistake this for selfishness, greediness or even psychopathy (really?)
Bisexuals are starting to see how all of this is going down. And like I said, we take it with a grain of salt. Our ''agenda's'' pretty simple. We recognize we just so happen to be a group of people that stand directly on top of the fence while others stand on the left side of the field and the rest, the right side. In the bi mind, it is just that simple. No 'sides' to be taken. We don't like one gender at a time, we don't cherry pick genders to suit the days of the week, we like them all and all the time. (Though some may feel pressured by gays and straits alike to be more hetero.) It just is what it is. If we are monogamous, polygamous, sluts, prudes, or marry opposite or same, we really do not care. It's everyone else that just can't seem to wrap their heads around these so-called''amazing'' powers we have to just love/lust/enjoy/marry people regardless of what gender traits and bits (or more or lack of bits) they possess.
Lurker, all of your girlfriends were paranoid. What's the common denominator? You are.
Now, before you this around and accuse me of having the same situation with bisexuals -- i.e. the common denominator is me -- I'll tell you the difference. I know lots of lesbian relationships that aren't paranoid. I don't know of any relationships that have worked out between a gay and a bi, and it looks like there's only one example of a relationship that worked on this thread of over 200 posts.
It's not the fact that the bi person is leaving us for a person of the opposite gender that bothers us. It's that they've inevitably defaulted to the heteronormative, which is exactly what you and your husband did. It's the idea that we were this fun little tourist trip to gay land, but now the fun is over and it's time to get serious and have a family and fit in with the rest of society. And sorry if this sounds dismissive, but whatever gender theories you and your husband use to make yourselves feel like renegades only make you quirky, not outcasts.
You aren't part of our community and you really never were part of it, even when you were going down on your girlfriends. I hope you and the rest of your bisexual brothers and sisters do form your own group, because honestly, I don't think our communities' interests or concerns intersect very much.
I know and have known many long term bi-gay relationships. All you have to do is ask around, look around. Or it's probably just that they are all over where I live. And you said you don't know of lesbian relationships that are paranoid... that's just it... all is fine and good when it is affirmative that you just like girls/guys. But it's automatically a threat if one party happens to dig both. I don't understand. Gender is always the root cause of the paranoia of gay/bi relationships... and the only person who gives a crap is the gay partner. I had a gay friend in the military who said he felt 'betrayed' when he found out I was in fact bi and not gay. Well, what the hell? What did that mean to him? We were not living together, not family and certainly not sleeping together. So... what the hell? He even went around and told all of the other gay/lesbian people on base. It was such a huge deal because I was well liked, outgoing and was a big advocate of gay rights in the military, hung out at gay bars, showed no interest in males at the time and they sensed my lesbian side and assumed I was 'one of them'. Them finding out I was bi when I started dating my future husband was like some lame movie tactic where a main character was 'found out' to be lying... que the moping scene. The same thing happened on my husband's side as well. They thought he was gay, but unlike me, he has had boatloads and boatloads of male and female partners. But males tend to have a higher sex drive, so it's whatever.
My husband told me he was bi and preferred men. (He likes the roughness of males and was scared he was going to break females.) I am a bisexual who just does not care. That is another thing with bisexuals. We know some of us have 50-50 attraction and some tend to have preferences. And his preference doesn't bother me in the slightest. If a bisexual is with you and truly loves you, they are there for you. He knew I had been with women before him and he didn't have a heart-attack either. Do I feel threatened by his preference? Do I feel like I don't measure up? No I do not. Because bisexuals seem to get that if that person is with you, that's it. Oh, and that we both have the itch for the other sex. It's a mutual understanding. But our days don't consist of 'how Bi we are' or compare Kinsey Scale levels. Bisexuals tend to have a bigger share of the gender crop, and that gets boring... we tend to look for more redeeming qualities that will last far beyond when the balls start to sag, the ass and boobs start to hang low and the vag and pen shrivels up like a dry prune.
Actually, I am confused by strait men because men have many great qualities on the outside and in spirit.
As for not being apart of the ''community''... it's not all about eating vag. We had a love beyond that (or so I thought) That's a shame. People looking in would have just assumed I was lesbo if the lesbian girlfriends had cooled their green tits.
Many people know me and my husband and that we are bisexual. We are open about it. We have nothing to hide. We are not seen as quirky, in fact, we are outcast by gays more than straits. It's like their heads explode. We only feel at home around other bisexuals... or gay people who have no beef. I'd say there are many cool gay people who just accept it, but there are these new-age rainbow-flag saluting, hand-over-heart, 'gold-star elites' that wish to have a cleanse of the community... promptly kicking out the 'Bi's' on our asses. When it was bisexuals that stood up for gay right since day one of this whole discriminatory mess. I guess next is the 'Trans', for denying their true 'gender heritage'.
Bisexuals do not see dating gay people as a 'trip to gayland'. That's ridiculous. We feel right at home in 'gayland', because we know that is half of who we are. There are bisexuals end up staying for life in 'gayland'. Only you'd never know of his/her inner urge for the other sex. It's starting to remind me of the 'passing for white' person who has a black relative and all is fine and good till 'the truth come
I believe gays an bi's can come to agreements and live in harmony. It's just that the bisexual erasure, discrimination and fear has to stop on the gay and strait's end. Again, it makes no sense to me that in the past, Bis were welcome, bi's spoke out for gay right and did something about it... and now that gays/bi's are getting more rights, they want to throw us out like a used nappy. Well what the hell? Again, it's more of a grain of salt thing.. but if things are getting more and more hostile, mean and full of distrust, I guess we have no choice but to go and make our own bars, clubs, schools, spokespeople, shows, neighborhoods... but we are a little too carefree for the whole 'separatist' thing. But don't think for a second that straits see us bi's as one of them or even fully trust and accept us... because if a radical homophobe had their way, we'd all be put behind that great big fence to rot and 'die out', so to speak.
A true lurker would understand that her inability to correctly spell "straight" would bother this crowd far more than her bisexuality.
Wow... so I make a few misspellings and my point is invalid and I offend gay people by misspelling 'straight '? Why would it? Is it just a half-effort excuse to cover up bias? I don't even spell Bi, Trans fully or correctly, but there was no qualms there.
Alrighty then. Good to know.
And for the record:
Strait, strait, strait, strait, strait, strait, strait and STRAIT!
Labeling yourself a lurker is saying that you have spent a significant amount of time reading the site, that you have a sense of how the community works even if you haven't previously made your presence known through comments. Posters around here get bitchy about typos, spelling and grammatical errors. It doesn't matter what the subject is. It's not about hiding bias. It's just being bitchy.
I'm sorry you're grumpy about biphobia. If you want a better understanding of how gays and lesbians are responding to you and your husband I suggest more time spent reading and less time typing.
Lurker, biphobia is pretty awful among gays. I live in Europe and I remember one of the first times I spoke with other gay guys outside of my first little circle of gay friends. I was 19 I guess at the time and this one gay dude was dating my old friend. This was the first time I had ever met him and we had spoken like 5 minutes when it came up in the conversation that I'm bi. He just said "All bis are assholes". I was like ok, bitch.
I remember that well because I was so astounded that a gay guy could say something like that to me. I had been bullied at school in my early teens for being too girly so suddenly realizing that the gay world is just the same with its bullying attitude towards minorities opened my eyes. I actually stopped telling anyone I'm bi after that, or if I did and do tell it's later at some point.
I have to say, though, that at the time I had just ended a long relationship with my best friend and lover who was a girl, so I was feeling more bi than I've ever felt after that. I've always had preference for men, and now I view myself for being about 80/20 gay/straight. But I'm bi enough to understand that we are all human and you can fall in love with anyone, whatever the sex.
I don't really care about the biphobia that's here at DL. There are (or have been) lot of people here who don't even believe in bisexuality ("all bis are just gays in denial"), and then there are those who just completely hate bisexuals. But I'd like to think that most people can't really say yay or nay because they understand that human sexuality and identity are not that simple or black and white. So don't mind some hateful assholes spewing nonsense at you.
Lurker, brevity is a virtue.
I posted this in another thread, but I guess it belongs here, too.
NSFW... but definitely hot!
@ 212 , I have not really spent too much time on this site, except to skim/read those previous comments on this page only. I still don't even know if it's a gay site, I have to check after this. I stumbled in here. I thought it was the usual run-of-the mill bi-bashing from straights and gays. Lurker is the name I give myself no matter what site I am on. But if someone is bashing bi's, I am so totally there. And I've read the biphobic comments. Oh, boy did they get read, alright. So all there is left to do is type.
@ 213, That's awful that happened to you. It's nice to hear that bisexuals are becoming aware of the treatment against bi's from all sides. It's worse when a bisexual is so naive to believe the LGBT community sees us as 'family'. I think a comment like that which was given to you by the gay guy was crucial in finding out the truth. I try not to mind the hateful comments, but they are harder to ignore in the flesh.
@214, Brevity may be a virtue, but I am a writer, love to write, write more than I talk in real life and have a shitload to say. I try not to be a Wordsworth, but obviously it's not working. So I say f it.
Yeah, don't take this place too seriously. Even though there's lot of sensible conversation going on the real nature of the place is more about short and witty bitching. Everyone is getting grilled here. Bis, gays and hets all are getting their fair amount of it.
This is gay site there's no doubt about that. I don't know if most gay people here care that much about anyone being gay or bi if you have a gay view on things and don't flaunt your biness all the time. Generally speaking people don't seem to like really long posts here, so if you write them don't be surprised if no one comments on them or if someone bitches about them. I write long post myself, too, and unfortunately I'm not a very good writer so I know I'm sometimes doing it for myself, as a sort of anonymous therapy.
The anonymity is one big reason I like this place. I love the feeling that there really will be no record left of me here. In other boards you have to register and post under a name, and people can read all your posts and know pretty much what you are like. I find it liberating that we don't have that here. You can sort of piece together stuff with trolldar but that's dumb.
I must point out about my R213 post that even though I have encountered biphobia in gay people I still always view everyone as individual. Gay guys who knew I was bi didn't in the end care about it when they learnt to know me. I do understand biphobia to a point (e.g. being afraid that bis side with straights) but obviously if some gay people can't view bi people as individuals but see them all being evil or whatever then there's something wrong with that attitude. I try to see everyone as human although I get angry easily about bigotry.
"He pressured me into numerous mmf threesomes which I hated, when I'd refuse he called me an "uptight selfish faggot" exact words. He would walk out on me for days and tell me he was leaving me for a woman. He cheated on me all the time, but I put up with it, made excuse after excuse."
@94, You're a door mat with very low self esteem. That's not his fault. He may be a liar and a cheat, but you clearly have your fair share of issues. You allowed him to treat you like shit and he did.
Oh, R208, you are too much!
A bisexual person crying about how evil, insensitive and cruel gay people are, and how heterosexual people are much better as human beings, more understanding, compassionate, solidary and willing to accept you. Now, that's surprising, isn't it?
Let me tell you one tiny little bit of information: gay people do not want you because you are not one of us, and we don't like to be manipulated, exploited, lied to, abused and then, left high and dry for one of those wonderful heterosexual people.
It's very positive that bisexual people want to create their own spaces. In fact, you should go there and stop coming here to tell us gay people how nasty we are and how we deserve to be preached at by "illuminated" and "liberated" people like you.
r219, why overreact to one person's posting to make such broad generalizations about bisexuals?
Every bisexual I have ever met was a duplicitous, mind-game playing cluster fuck of a person. They ALL are. Every single one on the planet. This is one generalization that is true, true, true. RUN, OP. RUN far away and never look back. Seriously. You are in for nothing but a headache and a heartache.
From a political standpoint I see no reason why bis shouldn't have have a voice separate and distinct from the gay community. I mean, they have their own issues that they want addressed.
On a personal level, I have the same reaction to bi guys that I do to straight guys: friendship is great but nothing more. Maybe I've internalised too many of the horror stories I've heard from other gay guys who've dated bi guys and that has made me biased. It's not conscious but my romantic/sexual feelings shut down around straight/bi guys.
Lurker one main issue
Do not speak as a women for bi guys
They operate differently then no women do
First off they are shamed once it turns they into guys and they're labelled gay in denial anyway
When women do go for same sex they are fetishized and no one cross them off for good cause apparently women sexuality is more fluid
I'm gay myself, don't have an issue with bi girls, but I had to learn hard ways from bi guys how they come about gays
To this date I do meet and have sex with them, but no dating involved, the minute " I'm bi " gets dropped there is heavy armour dropping on my head and I do switch off - no lovee dovee stuff
They great for bed, one offs etc but I did get shut down 4 times when invested my feelings for bi guys
I do dispose of them as soon as the cream flows off the walnut sack - they normally in rush to leave anyway
There are 1000s of them lurking on net when misses out picking a finest piece of beef for their steak as someone described it
I encountered a lot of them
Also checked their shy bi forum
Bang on what someone said earlier
They talk how much they fantasizing to screw guys just to get back to their gfs, wifes and deal with guilt or cover the tail to their adventures
Not saying they're bad
They're incapable of same involvement as gay sides are
Often disconnected, mechanical just to get their rocks off and run back to play straight again
It's funny you assuming all bi are this good
Men and women are different
Yet the shaming aspect
Never ever will any bi guy play me fool
I'm a good friend with my to bi girl friends but bi guys sorry they don't even look for friendships unless they get to get their rocks off by such
I enjoy them - but it ends with their orgarsm
No more playing nice and naive
Where is the link to Afghanistan m4m?
Bi dudes rock!
R221 needs to buy a mirror and look at himself and why he only attracts such men.
You date whom you like.
Bi dudes are hot
R223, Is punctuation discouraged in your country of origin? Unreadable! Your post was unreadable.
I hate to measure a group on three people, so, I won't judge all bi guys on my past experiences. However, I will just say that I dated three bisexual guys. Each experience was awful. Each one ended up being a scuzzy liar despite seeming to be an exceptional person at first. Mind-blowingly deceptive games were played by each one of them. Just awful, awful guys...
Drop the B!
Maybe bi guys are liars because male bisexuality is discouraged in our society?
Bi women don't have to lie as much because female bisexuality is worshipped by straight men.
A bi woman in a relationship with a straight man can be open about her attractions to other women. Straight men will often let their bi girlfriends sleep with other women.
But a bi man in a relationship with a straight woman cannot be open about his attraction to men.
Women want men all to themselves and they are also afraid of HIV if they sleep with bi men.
So bi men learn to become liars because they have to hide who they are.
I just started a relationship with an openly bisexual guy whom I really, really like...but he seems a bit crazy. I keep hearing a lot of smack from other gay guys about bisexual men, but I'm not sure how much of that is prejudice and how much is based in reality.
I identify as gay, but I have bisexual "tendencies" (interest in certain women and watching female-only porn sometimes) but I have never acted on it.
My ex was married to a woman and enjoyed the male-female intercourse and relationship -- or at least that's what he told me in our heart-to-heart conversations.
I was very suspicious in the first two years of our relationship because I had seen his eyes wondering..on guys..and girls.
Then one day, he got on his knees and put a ring on my finger. And he was very faithful to me throughout our marriage.
Moral of the story? It really depends on the person, and bi guys are NOT all the same.
Then you shouldn't worry, R234, because you are not really gay. Bisexual men should date each other, because they understand their mutual nature. You'll do fine with a man who is just like yourself.
Just don't lie and deceive your way into the lives of any gay men. We have enough problems as it is, and we do not want or need the drama and toxicity you carry with you in any way.
[quote]I just started a relationship with an openly bisexual guy whom I really, really like...but he seems a bit crazy
r234, you've been warned. You'll come crawling back soon enough