Question for people who had/have a trust fund or inherited money
We're in our early 40s and have a 5-yr-old son. We have come at a stage in our life that we are financially comfortable and we could live off some rental income and savings. However, if we live another 20-30 and maybe even 40 years, most of the money will be gone and our son would only inherit some real estate (if any's left ..). Neither my partner nor I have inherited anything and we would like to make our son's life as comfortable as possible, without him turning into a lazy bum and dropout. We're not sure whether to stop working or to continue to ensure financial stability for our son. By doing that, we could probably ensure that he has an additional $4000 a month from a trust fund throughout his life. My question is to those who have a trust fund or inherited some money as a young adult : how did that money influence your life? Did you become lazy? Did it encourage you to go into a field that you were passionate about but couldn't have done it without the extra income? Would you have preferred it to have accomplished something without the financial support? TIA.
Great thread topic. I can''t answer your question because I have some of my own. Same situation but my kids are in their late teens. I have assets totaling about $4 million. My will is set up now for all the money to go into a trust for them until each reaches 25---then they get all of it. But I have the same question you have about whether to hand a 25 y/o $2 million. Would it be better to leave it in trust to a later age?
OP, please stop saying "we," as if you and your partner are a single entity.%0D\
It just makes me want to punch you in the face for being so pretentious about your relationship.
OP, no telling really how bad inflation is going to get, but at this point 4k a month could make him very lazy. He could live on 2k a month and if he needed more money would be forced to earn it somehow. However, by the time he''s 18, 4k may be more like our 500 bucks so there''s no real telling. \
As for you, r2, yes, 2 million is too much to give to a 25 year old. Why not 500k every 10 years?
Why do you want to stop wotking when you''re only in your early 40s? Let your son mke his own way in the world.
Posts like this are made solely to brag about how well you are doing.
R6 = Miss Marple
OP ....I do think this is an interesting topic and look forward to the responses. My take ...... depends on the person. It is that simple. I know someone who inherited money who is lazy. I know someone who is poor and is lazy. Does having money make someone become a lazier person ? Probably not .... just gives them the time to do what they love. Which may be a whole bunch of NOTHING.
You just know R3''s a bitter old queen without a friend in the world.
If you can afford to retire at your age, you can afford to pay a financial adviser, which leads me to agree with R6.
R8 is right - it depends on the person, as well as the work ethic you as a parent instill in your kid. I inherited some money two years ago at 42, not a fortune (half a million). I used the opportunity to follow my passion and became a dealer in art and art reference (rare catalogs etc). My business in now pretty successful and I don''t use much of my inheritance. Getting a nest egg made me do what I love and I am now successful too. Yip, bring on the hate, but you did ask.
you are a sad pathetic psychppath to get some pitiful validation by coming to an anonymous discussion board to put on airs about how rich you think you may be. first, it doesnt impress anyone and second... you are simply talking into cyberspace. have your boorish yankee money is everything ways run every single real person in your life away so you are left bragging anonymously to a faceless computer screen. ugh
[R3]- We are "we" .. WE have a son together, the savings we have our OURS.%0D\
[R6] - Brag on an anonymous messageboard?%0D\
[R10] - I can do the calculations myself. I wanted to have the human aspect and perspective of it.%0D\
To all the others, thanks for your replies.%0D\
I have been in work-situations that I wanted to leave it all behind but didn''t for financial reasons. I would like our son to have that option. He''s still young, but is very creative and artistic. If he continues that road, he either is not going to make any money at all or is going to become extremely wealthy ... ;)%0D
Wow, check-out the homophobe @ R3.%0D\
R9, why do you natually assume R3 is a "queen" since most of the shit stirring these days, especially a lot of the anti-gay comments tend to come from the legions of straight women who infest the board?%0D\
mbh .. yankee money .... hihihi ... I''m European and all our money is in EUROS .... ;)
Congratulation, R11. No hate here. I''m glad you found your passion and are successful.
OP = Mister Richard Fader of Fort Lee, New Jersey
OP - Your partner and you are key role models for your son - so it''s pretty important that you continue to work, even if it is in low paid jobs. You might also want to set up a trust fund that involves you giving away a certain amount of funds each year to a worthy cause. Set aside enough funds for your son''s education and a late model second-hand car. And leave him some real estate. Unless a child has serious disabilities etc., a nest egg of the size that you are talking of is likely to be terribly destructive.
As a parent myself OP we are also in our 40s and we have a plan that our kids we have two from my prior marriage will get money when they turn 39.
We figured that way the boys will have to establish careers, start to pay off any student loans they may incur, one is already at a university studying pre-med, but they have the knowledge and security of knowing that one day they will have money coming their way.
We set it up so it will be divided evenly and each will get a monthly amount until they are 65, retirement age.. So if they are smart and I think they are they will reinvest most of it toward their retirement and or their own children, our grandchildren some day.
Oh, and I also have set aside a smaller amount if I do wind up having any grandkids one day.
I know this is not typical for a gay man but I was married to a woman at one point and this was our agreement. My current partner, a man of course is totally fine with it and he looks at the boys as if they were his own. He loves them and the feeling is mutual.
I am lucky that it worked out for me.
My dad is obsessed with leaving an inheritance as he sees it as some sort of fatherly duty. He''s far from rich, and my siblings and I would much prefer that he cut back on his work and enjoyed his life and start a comfortable retirement.\
If you raise your kid properly he''ll want you to enjoy your life. If you don''t, then yeah, he''ll probably love the $4K a month.\
I also think that you''ll do your son a disservice if you instil the attitude that some dreams and goals in life, or rewarding careers, can only be attempted if you''re already financially secure. \
Taking risks and experiencing the resulting challenges, rewards and failures is one of the most important life experiences, and one that is not gained so easily when a trust fund is in play.
MHB being her usual cunty self.\
It is perfectly legitimate to come here looking for advice from those who have lived it. I never inherited anything and I don''t know anyone who has. I''m very curious to know how it can shape someone''s life for good or bad----especially when they''re young. I can see it killing all motivation when someone is still early in a career and things get tough, as they always do. \
I do have a financial/estate planner and he has not given ANY advice on the psycho/emotional aspects of inheritance. It''s not bragging to come to an anonymous board to ask these questions because I don''t have anyone else to ask. Even if I did know someone who inherited a large sum of money at an early age, I would never be so rude as to ask them to talk about it.
I was a little confused about OP''s desire to retire so early also. Great advice from R18 on role modeling a solid work ethic. That''s the most valuable thing your children can "inherit" from you.
Question for people who had/have a trust fund or inherited money: can I have some?
$4,000 a month is going to be shit by the time your kid is 18, but it's the thought that counts.
You and your partner need to continue working and if anything, use the rental income to build your son's inheritance. If you're really interested in giving your child a leg-up when he's older, please tell me you've started a 529 Plan! Seriously, what better legacy could you leave than providing the kid piece of mind when they pursue higher education? The benefits are two-fold--you and your partner do something generous for your kid, and if you've raised them to be responsible, the ball is placed in their court to recognize their good fortune and do well.
Digest this little fact, OP: I graduated with my undergrad degree in late 2002 (then 22 years old). I was attending my state's top public university and paying in-state tuition, which was about $12,000 a year. Tuition for an in-state student is now $25,000--less than 10 years later!! Just think of how much more tuition will jump in the next 15 - 20 years.
PS: I love R23.
F&F F&F for R21 using the C word. Ban her. Ban her. that word is NEVER tolerated on DL. The hate for women you show is REPUGNANT. You should be banned. Where is all the bff outrage?
Replies from those who have actually inherited would be greatly appreciated.
Read the thread title
Gentlemen? Would you give such sweet answers if you know the OP is a lesbian?
I''ll bet my next unemployment check...
I came into an inheritance at 41 and then again at 45. I didn''t stop working but I did cut back. Our kids will all have access to trust funds at 30. One is a new MD, one is a lawyer, and the youngest is starting vet school so it''s unlikely any of them will stop working.\
However, a friend has three children -- two grown women who don''t work and a 30-year old some who still lives with her and doesn''t have a fulltime job. All of them have trusts from their father, a partner at a white shoe law firm.\
If you look at the motivation research, the two critical factors are 1) personality/character of the individual - and - 2) giving "just enough" of a carrot.
honey, there are only a few of us truly from old money, and nobody from old money talks about it.
What do you mean by "just enough of a carrot" R29? That sounds like bribery or manipulation which I find repugnant. Or, am I reading it wrong.
R27, you can take your fucking attitude and do a search. This topic has already been discussed!
Dipshit MHB. Who said anything about "old money." No one from old money needs this advice, which you would know if you weren''t trailer trash yourself.
OP, I inherited quite a large amount in my mid twenties. I had a lot of student loans and was completely broke before the inheritance. I was working in a field I loved but that didn't pay well. I also had no idea, literally NO idea, that I was going to inherit anything.%0D
When I did get the inheritance, I'll be honest. I was lazy for about 6 months. But I'm one of those people who loves being busy, so eventually I made up plans to start a business in the sector in which I was previously working. %0D
I'm still comfortable because of the inheritance, but I'm fulfilled because of my work. If you raise respectful children, both of others and themselves, they should not become bums. But, I would really suggest not giving them access to the money until they're older. Had I not been such a Type-A person I could really be a lazy bum right now (I'm in my late twenties).%0D
Also, I'll add that a LOT of kids I went to college with had large trust funds they came into between 18-21 and were useless. I mean really useless. All of them either developed drug problems or some other type of deviant behavior, such as dangerous promiscuity, theft or violence. From this knowledge and my own personal experience, I agree with the poster who decided on 39 for his kids' trust fund to kick in. By 40 you've had to live your own life for 22 years, and if you have any brains, you're not going to throw it away to sit around smoking weed all day.
r31, it''s not bribery or manipulation (in the bad sense of the word). It''s just knowing how much will help your children without dampening their spirits.
I have an offbeat question that could end up being central to this.
Do people like you? I mean, generally speaking, you and your partner -- do you get along well with others in your life - work, family, neighbors? Are there one or more examples of fights, grudges, ill will, enemies?
The reason I ask is that your son is only 5 years old now. When he moves through his teenage years and into adulthood, he will have a relationship with you that could end up good, difficult, or severed. Look to your current relationship patterns to see what the odds are.
My partner has a mother who has money. She's a princess grown old, very difficult to deal with, and she lords the money over him. It is sad. He feels contempt toward her and tries to disguise it, but it is there, and I have come to see some of the reason. But she has conditioned him to count on an inheritance. So there is superficial cordiality. My own parents, in contrast, have some money to take care of themselves but they likely won't pass on a truckload of it to me -- and they are good-natured people whom it is easy to like.
This may not relate to your situation at all... but I share it to suggest that how you talk about the money, the picture you sketch out for your son, is significant. And even more significant is whether or not you are the type of person/people who have happy and easy relationships with others. Whether or not people tend to like you. If not, then proceed with much more caution.
No access to principal until 30 or 35\
Op, the young people I knew who inherited money at a young age instead of older, (above 35) almost all wound up alcoholics or doing drugs or working at places like resorts or blowing the money on hairbrained schemes. None of them had steady relationships and seemed kind of lost in the world. People used them for their money too.\
Just in my experience New England.
I have a small trust fund that became available when I reached 18. If I lived very frugally, in a small house, away from a metropolitan area, I could probably never work. However, my parents have instilled a strong work ethic and I could never sit around and do nothing. I look at the trust fund as a safety net. For instance, if I decide to become a writer, it will help me through the lean times. If I decide to become a teacher or join some other worthwhile but low-paying profession, it will help me live a better life. I am using the money now to finish up school and I am very grateful that I will finish without loans.
the way it influenced my life is that I would never talk about how it influenced my life\
get over yourself - you made the money - figure it out
You know, sometimes I HATE DL. I signed my post with "Trust Fund Baby" so that I wouldn''t get flamed like I usually do. Well, FUCK YOU DL. You didn''t have to put my name on that post. Feckers.
Asshole @ R40, you''ve made it very clear how it influenced you.
Ciaran, ha. Log-in (authenticated) trumps whatever made-up handle you try to use. It''s one reason I avoid it when possible.
Oh Ciaran, now the DL trolls will be crushing on you even harder. LOL.
25 is too young to hand it all to them. 25 is when you let them have access to the interest. 35 is when you hand it all to them. By that time they have figured out who they are, how to handle money and who in their lives are sycophants and users.
Educational trust is the way to go, for sure. Maybe there could be some other conditional payouts too, like a certain amount kicked in towards purchase of first home, a little something for grand-kids, should they exist, etc.
[quote]if we live another 20-30 and maybe even 40 years, most of the money will be gone and our son would only inherit some real estate (if any's left ..)%0D
For a couple in their early 40s, it would be imprudent not to plan for expenses for another 40 years. Many financial advisors like to plan to age 100.%0D
With your son only 5, there is lots of time to build investments for him, even with modest initial and/or regular additions on your part. An advisor could suggest the full range of options that suit your situation, and it could be that multiple strategies may work best, spreading out his access to them at different times (as the investments grow and as he does.)%0D
From my experience, there are mistakes to be made both in holding out a "carrot" at too great a distance and in doling it out too soon and too easily. Though everything depends on the individuals involved, opening up access to funds at different stages seems ideal, if more complicated to set up initially. %0D
I was able to go into a profession that is not lucrative, buoyed somewhat by a modest family income, inheritance didn't come until much later.%0D
Well, it is certainly true that money cannot buy character. Or class. Or ambition. OP, NO ONE CARES what you do with your money, except you. And your partner and kids. \
If only most people had YOUR problems. Douche.
Why on earth would you want to stop working in your early forties? What would you do with your time? Why do you think you are only going to live to be 65 or 75?
[quote]I have a small trust fund that became available when I reached 18. If I lived very frugally, in a small house, away from a metropolitan area, I could probably never work. However, my parents have instilled a strong work ethic and I could never sit around and do nothing. I look at the trust fund as a safety net.\
Ciaran, I think you''re wise. However, I have a friend in Monterey, CA, who received a trust fund in his early 20s. From what I''ve gleaned, it wasn''t much, but he''s now well into his 60s and has never worked a day in his life. He''s made smart investments and lived frugally. Well, actually he''s the kind who can stretch a penny into copper wire.
R46 = the voice of reason
Ciaran - instead of being "Ciaran (authenticated)" why can''t you simply sign out from being authenticated and just sign "Ciaran" on some posts and whatever on other posts? Over the years, I don''t think more than two or three people have ever stayed with their (authenticated) name. It ALWAYS attracts haters.
[quote] Ciaran - instead of being "Ciaran (authenticated)" why can''t you simply sign out from being authenticated and just sign "Ciaran" on some posts and whatever on other posts\
If I don''t sign in to my authenticated, it comes up no matter what I put in the Author box. If I do sign in, then I can click on "post anonymously" and it will post anonymously, which I do on occasion, or it will accept whatever I put in the author box.
You could probably delete your cookies and just sign in under the Subscription Registered instead of Authenticated.
Euro trash, really R15. Well, that is the only notch below Yankee''s when it comes to the crass and mannerless practice of talking about your money or how much things cost.\
Thanks for fessing up.
I agree with the suggestions that you model behavior to be responsible and generous; in addition, if you do cut back on your dayjobs, why not choose worthy charities to become involved with, not just as donors, but as board members, or programmers? \
If your son sees you give a lot of time to charity, he will want to do it too, and then as he gets older, he can be hands on with charitable/volunteer efforts, and help you decide where your donations can do the most good.\
If you can completely pay for his education (which cripples so many with lifetime debt), give him a motivation to work and to give, and a small nestegg, then you''ve done right by him.
Ciaran''s a trust fund brat? That explains EVERYTHING. If he''s so rich, why does he still mooch off of mummy?
[quote]Did you become lazy? Did it encourage you to go into a field that you were passionate about but couldn''t have done it without the extra income? Would you have preferred it to have accomplished something without the financial support?%0D\
Field of choice--yes. I''d have a differnt career without the money, never would have even tried what I do now.%0D\
Preferred--sometimes I used to think that BUT after the recession I''m glad for any money I got. The financial world is too scary nowadays and you never know if even with hard work whether or not you''ll have a job. Plus I think I avoided a lot of the pitfalls others have (drugs, alcohol...) because I always had many for therapy and medical care. The more money the better. (even Gwyneth didn''t turn out lazy)%0D\
R57 leave my bf Ciaran alone. No one likes a bitter old hag.
The moral value of work is ridiculously over-rated. There''s a lot to be said for sloth, deep contemplation, shopping and napping. It provides employment for the little people for one thing.
Benita van der Praagh @ "Long Acres"
[quote] what better legacy could you leave than providing the kid piece of mind \
It''s PEACE of mind, you idiot
Thanks for the valuable advice. Trust/inheritance after 30 seems to be the way to go. %0D\
As for why I want to stop working in my early 40s? I''m on a paylist and hate my job. The only reason for not quitting is the money. I make 3-4 times more than what I should. If I change careers/company, the salary will go down drastically.
OP - lesbian and in Europe
What''s a ''paylist''?
It''s British English meaning you work for someone else, not self-employed.
Im 28, and its gone to my head, that im going to get property currently worth just under £2mill and growing in future, we also have room to buy another 1 mill's worth now... (theres no rush)
Having said that im involved in the management and renovation of what there... and am being guided by father along the way, but yes, it DOES go to ones head, no lie, im loving it but trying to appreciate it
Forgot to add to above, i get £4500 a month rent with expenses (mortgage tax etc) of 1k, yea, im fucking loving it, 2 bmws, girls, holidays, whatever i want, but also want to expand everything/// not blow it all on crap
Don't leave him anything. Seriously. Let him make his own way in the world.
Mine matures when I hit 55 because an uncle did that to his kids and my dad thought it was a grand idea.
There isn't even a huge amount of money involved. One brother started whining, but backed everything up with "It's not about the money" so I promised him that I'd make sure Dad would outlive his money.
We're on target. Fuck him.
Educational trust, age requirements for balance of trust - are the way to go. But you can add, that money can be distributed for any health needs, emegencies, loss of jobs, etc. Pick a good trustee - and make you wishes very clear.
Everyone thinks their 5-year old is a creative genius.
Continue working. Don't create a trust that would provide income for the child at an early age. You might need that money someday. You have no idea how expensive a medical catastrophe could be and you might need access to those funds. Your child is not going to suffer from having to work for a living.
Truth be told, you're not talking about real money anyway. By the time the kid is of age, that $4,000 a month won't exactly be pocket change, but if he starts getting it every month he could use it as a crutch, one that that you might need yourself.
Better to set some money aside for a college fund.
I've seen it go both ways.
The trend up here is to own a small/medium sized business (or greater) and incorporate to allow the family to skim off company profit.
It has the effect of a trust fund, usually on a smaller scale.
The people I've known in that situation have all been either substance abusers, had mental health issues, or were just entitled assholes.
The other way, effective inheritance, is a lump sum that comes from the parents' real estate holdings (usually 2-3 rental properties/cottages).
The people who get these lump sums, usually mid five to six figures a few times a year, have been much better adjusted. They worked jobs outside the money from the family, regardless of whether they needed it.
Maybe because the ones I know were older when they started getting the money (late twenties, early thirties) they turned out better.
My ex was a trust fund baby. He inherited by bits and pieces over a few hundred million. He had three degrees from Harvard: an A.B., a J.D. and a Ph.D., but he did nothing wityh his life but visit his clubs, travel and gradually drink himself to death.
His older sister inherited the same amount of money, became an accomplished publisher, ghost writer, publishing agent and editor. She wrote on a variety of subject from psychiatry to cooking (She co-wrote two cookbooks with Julia Child who gave her credit on the cover.) In her work as an editor, she discovered and mentored a few literary celebrities.
While anecdotes are unreliable evidence on which to base conclusions, I am citing these real life examples merely to present my hypothesis that achievement in life may have nothing to do with inheriting money.
OP, you are a shitty, horrible, terrible person if you are actually questioning whether or not to provide for your child after your death.
If this is the kind of person you are, one hopes that particular event transpires sooner rather than later.
My brother, sister and I inherited a small income from a commercial property. We were all in our 40's, and it's about $4000 a month each. My sister and I are disabled and it's been a godsend, although I do work part time. My brother continues to work full time. Living in expensive cities - Laguna, San Francisco and NYC - it doesn't cover much.
Google the term "economic outpatient care". If you are going to provide a trust (and I hope you do), just be sure that your kid doesn't view the money as an entitlement or a reason to slack off and be an arrogant lazy douche. You could always set up the trust to kick in at an older age and not tell the kid about it till he's older and has demonstrated responsibility.
Work 10 more years then spend the money on yourselves.
I encourage my parents to spend their money (and they spend a lot of it on me) now while they are living to enjoy themselves rather than leaving it to us when they die.
Save enough for their college education. And with and education let them fend for themselves student loan free.
Since you have the money, buy your son a car when he's old enough to drive and he'll inherit your rental properties and he can be a lazy bum if that's entails him to be one.
don't tell the kid there is a trust, and don't give him any sort of lump sum until mid-30's, or better yet, after you're gone just let him inherit it. every single person i know with a trust fund has had a drug problem. every. single. one.
but DO fund his college, or back him if he wants to open a business. giving him a rental property is a great way to have him run his own business while generating a small income.
you only plan to live until 60 or 70?
My father died when I was 14. I inherited $260,000 at 18. I am now 27 with $60,000 left. I have no employment history. I dropped out of college at 18 after 1 semester. I graduated from a 1 year film trade school 2 years ago but have not even tried to do anything. My money has covered my rent, all my bills, and my food and gas. From 18-21 I spent a large amount on drugs, junk food, clothes, etc. Then my mother petitioned the court and I've had a conservator since. I would have spent everything by now otherwise. Yes, I am completely lazy. I am depressed because I have no future, career wise. I have no idea how to manage money. I am ridiculously immature for my age. I have a superiority complex and feel entitled.
However. My sister got $260,000 at 18. She is now 22. She is receiving her psychology Bachelor's degree this year. Her GPA is 3.8. She has maintained the same part-time job for 6 years. She constantly lands internships and does volunteer work. She has never taken drugs or alcohol. She did not tell anyone when she got her Associate's degree, because she is humble.
I have a 19 year old friend; her dad died. $200,000 to her, her sister, and her mother. She is a doormat. Pays for everyone, for everything. Her mom used her portion for home renovations. Since then she has dipped into my friend's account and taken $100,000 over 2 years so she does not have to work. $2,500 so far has been used on Farmville; what her mom does instead of working.
Lastly, I have a friend who at 20 received $55,000 from her grandmother. It was gone in 8 months. This was partially due to a shopping addiction, and partially to a crack addiction she developed because she could afford cocaine. When it ran out, she emptied her dad's portion from the bank (her name on account too, just in case), $90,000, and disappeared for 3 months. She ran out of money and went home, and to rehab. Now she is 26, engaged, living independently, a college grad, with a stable job.
Point of all that is; everyone is different and any path can be taken.
I met a lot of trust fund babies when I lived in So Cal. Vile human beings. And lazy as FUCK.
R79, the most astounding thing about your story is the number of people you know who inherited a good amount of cash.
I'm 40 and partially supporting my mom from 3,000 miles away. The only thing I'll probably inherit is my 39 brother--who still lives with and mooches off my mom. Damn, I did not win the economic lottery...