It was during a free sewing class. The ''instructor'' was the same thyroidy-eyed bitch who always screws up my fabric cuts.\
I was ''sewing too fast to control the stitches'' and one thing led to another and I asked the woman if she would just fuck off. I don''t think she''d ever heard that word before.\
She asked me to leave. The five other students looked at me like I was a psychopath.\
I should have knocked over some bolts of fabric on my way out.
Now, I''ll never learn to sew a place mat!
Extreme Sewing Thread
Maybe if you sent her an ''I''m Sewy'' apology cookie?%0D\
I hear you can order them online for just $49.95. Stay strong.
There has to be some way to incorporate into this thread the frau who asked for her son''s friends'' underwear to make a quilt out of them.
Don''t you worry, OP. May 21 is almost upon us and whatever that bitch wasted her time sewing will be left behind with all of the other clothing.
Just apologize and tell her you were having a bad Fibromyalgia day. She''ll understand.
What r2 said.%0D\
And don''t hem and haw about it.
OP, here. It was a two hour class and we spent the first half hour going over the mechanics of the sewing machine. Fine. I was bored by the time we finally started on our place mats.
First, she asked me if I had forgotten my reading glasses because of the way I was seated with my head held back away from the machine. I don't even own reading glasses.
Some time went by and then she asked me why I was making faces while sewing. I didn't want to mention Selina Kyle in Batman, so I just said it was difficult keeping the stitch straight. Wrong excuse.
She clicked her tongue and told me I was sewing too fast. She asked me to get up and she went through the entire process on my assigned machine- from shutting off with needle down to starting with a backstitch to lock. I thanked her and asked if I could continue on MY project.
She circled the other students without saying a fucking word to any of them and came straight back to me - repeating that I needed to 'Slooowww dowwnnn'.
That's when I asked her to fuck off.
This is a GREAT premise for a thread, OP, but in the future I would love it if you worked more on the "E" part of your EST... throw in more details meant to add "realism"
Thanks for the laugh OP.
R2 = Kathy and Cathy
I don''t know, R14, I think this thread could have used a bit more "S".
I am cracking up laughing, OP.
OP be glad you didn''t have George to smack you around:
I love this OP almost as I much as the one whose daughter got kicked in the vagina bone by Stevie Nicks.
I don''t think you understand how fucked I am. This Joann is in the nice suburb where the sales bolts have a lot of fabric left on them and are neatly displayed.\
My local Joann''s doesn''t even offer classes and most of the fabric bolts are covered in shoe prints or hair.\
I really wanted puddly drapes. In linen or velvet.
You have my symps, dear OP. I was 86''d by some craftsfrau down at the Beadazzled for telling her to "eat shit and die".
Let''s form a support group!
I was about to exclaim something about PUDDLY DRAPES but an ambulance just pulled up across the street.\
Has anyone ever been thrown out of a book club?
The same thing happened to me OP. I found out where that bitch lived and threw a brick through her window.
How you like my sewing now bitch
R20, all women.\
R26, I wouldn''t go that far, but I caught myself fantasizing on the drive home. I''d buy a whole bolt of the $46 a yard fabric and ask for a different clerk who doesn''t fuck up the cut like buggy-eyed Shari.
OK, EST or not, I can''t believe we''re over 25 replies in, and not one:\
OP, is your name Michael? I swear, my friend Michael texted me the other day, saying he was thrown out of a sewing class.\
Michael is effeminate, by the way.
Why don''t you take a sack full of bobbins and thunk her right over the head OP! How DARE she.
R29, my name is not Michael and I don''t text. I do sell dead people''s shit, so I''m effeminate for my area.\
R30, bobbins for my machine are made out of plastic - won''t work.
You need so swallow your pride and make do at your local Joans. %0D\
You make those puddy drapes, make them velvety and luscious.%0D\
Then don them like a long flowing cape and swoosh into that haughty Joans ala Julia Roberts in ''pretty woman.'' You go and you show her, you show her you don''t need her and her fancy fabrics. %0D\
Hey guys. Let''s all grab a shot of whiskey and a brew, and get to our sewing.
Never mind, OP, the rapture is sure to get the sewing teacher anyways.
Ahhh... those puddly drapes, velvety and lucious... shall never be yours. Bwahahaha!
I sympathize with OP. Today, walking out of Bed Bath & Beyond, I heard a girl ask her mother "how do you spell sure-not like the seashore but the other one". I think it''s the places we hang out.
Please don''t be...
So I says to Mabel, I says...
OP, you need to go back and apologize by telling the instructor that the outburst was preceded by your having smoked copious amounts of pot, silly!
I heartily approve of r32''s idea of wearing the finished drapes back to the fancy Joann''s to really stick it to that bitch.
Damn! I TOLD Mr. Jarvis we needed speed governors on the training machines!
Shari, furiously smoking a Basic cigarette
them teachers at joanne is such stuck up bitches. you are better off learning to sew by yourself, OP- without the buckets of attitude.
Thank you OP for the laugh!
This can''t be real.
You certainly are fucked OP.\
Those custom caftans won''t sew themselves.
I had a similar experience, OP. Don''t let it bother you.
In the eighth grade I was forced to take one half-semester of sewing. I was hopeless. My teacher dubbed me King of the Seam Ripper. There was only one seam ripper in the classroom, hers, and I had to borrow it constantly. I ended up bringing in one of my mother''s from home. \
My final project, a flimsy duffel bag, looked like the handiwork of a mentally disabled person.
Good one. Webbie should save it.
R3 ... link?\
OP Puddly drapes are so 10 years ago. Save yourself the heartache and buy some books instead. And buy some chairs so you have a place to store the books.
OP move on to Buttons ''n'' Bolts on Route 1.
Girl, just but the fabric and some iron-on seaming. Voila! Curtains that puddle.
Well of course it never happened, idiot at R51. That is why it is perfect for DL.
OP = The Stitchuation.
I love this sew much!
someone needs to stitch you a pillow that says "self-sabotage" on it, OP.
Is this the hobby you took up to get your mind off your neighbor''s high spite fence?
The lack of witty replies makes me sad for DL. Very sad.
at the link: all you ever wanted to know about puddly drapes
Isn''t there a Beverly''s near you, OP? She & Joanne despise each other, so you should transfer your business & let them both know about it.
OP, I am sewing some puddly beef curtains for my friend, Bai. What kind of thread do you recommend?
Besides puddles leave stains on hardwood floors
I sense a pattern here.
W&W for R63!
I think this will become a classic DL thread.
Bob N. Weave
I doubt very much that they''d ban you from the store. In this economic climate they need every customer they can get. If you have to deal with someone who was involved in the incident, just apologize nicely and that should be enough.%0D\
I suggest that when you''re using the sewing machine you unclench and concentrate on whether or not the stitches the machine is making are the right size and are going in the right direction, and keeping a firm hold on the fabric while keeping your fingers out of the way. That''s how you find the right speed.
I''d suggest sewing a voodoo doll, but if you can''t make a placemat....
Electric Singer Thread%0D\
Enthusiastic Simplicity Thread
Easy Sewing Tips for all.
You have a lot of nerve back talking the sewing instructor, OP. You sound like a sassy bitch.
I picture OP as a John Waters confabulation.
Sew what if this thread is an EST.
r63 made me do a spit take.
I agree with r64.
[quote]most of the fabric bolts are covered in shoe prints or hair.%0D\
74 posts and no one asked for pics???
Do you mean puddly drapes like the @ 3:44 of this video, OP?
I''m beginning to think that this story is fabricated.
Yes, R79, it''s a elaborately woven tale stitched together for our amusement.\
I don''t cotton to such things myself.
I don''t have the placemat because it belonged to the store.\
Here''s pillow covers that I made without JoAnn''s help - aside from the $12 per yard fabric marked down to $6.\
The square pillow is fucked because I was out of zipper kit and I didn''t feel like hand stitching. I squeezed the pillow so I could run the last hem through the machine.\
The rectangle pillow covers are zippered, but one side of the paisley is upside down because I couldn''t decide which direction I liked best. I decided I wanted flowers up and paisley down.
Plaid and paisley paired!\
Well played, OP!\
Well played, indeed.
Where did you find that hideousness?
Suck it, R89. The raspberry of the paisley matches the raspberry of the plaid and I like the depression yellow as well as the minty green.\
Plus, the dog and relatives can wallow on it and I can throw everything in the wash.\
And I don''t have to pay Pottery Barn $49 per pillow cover for shit zippers.
[quote]May 21 is almost upon us and whatever that bitch wasted her time sewing will be left behind with all of the other clothing.%0D\
All the other clothing? WTF are you saying? We can''t bring extra clothes or we all have to go naked? I''ve got three damn suitcases packed and ready to go. I don''t intend to leave them behind. Besides, my big suitcase has stuff I really need like the laptop and my solar radio.
Agree with R89. I didn''t want to rayon on OP''s parade but that picture hurt my eyelets.
But maybe I''m just biased
What gave you guys the notion this was an EST?%0D\
OP: You should''ve put your foot down and stayed.
Paisley has an up or down? Who knew?
I love R80
This would not happened if Joann was using a Bernina.\
Bernina''s $8,000 sewing machines are still made in Switzerland. There are no sewing machines made in the USA or Europe anymore, just the $8k Bernina''s.
Oh sorry, my mistake, Bernina''s made in Switzerland are $12,000 USD
What''s up with the lamp right above a couch?
You''re not on the fringe, OP, people here are flocking to your support. I would have felt the same way if I had been fleeced like that.
At the risk of adding tension to a thread that''s already fraying, I''ll add my final point on this elaborately embroidered story.\
OP needs to realize that he and the instructor are just not cut from the same cloth. Rather than continuing to needle her, he needs to admit that he came apart at the seams and patch things up.
Op gets the role.
R25, I wasn''t kicked out of a book club, but someone else was kicked out of a group I was in. She was a huge beyotch, very opinionated and wouldn''t let anyone else talk. We told her the group disbanded, but we continued to meet in secret.
R105, that has nothing to do with the vicious haterape the OP endured, in the name of fashion!
Or puddly-drape rape, as it were.
Oh, hell, OP, your bad juju has jumped on me
R108, not R106
OP, if you ever want to get together and watch an "Are You Being Served?" marathon, I''m your man.
Bengali in Platforms
[quote]I''m your man%0D\
Huh? I thought Bengali was a lesbiterian.
10/10. What a cut-up! Shear delight!
Search function worked.
I think you overplaid your hand, OP. Go back to the next free class (you have every right if you''re a regular Fancy Joann customer) and if this Shari person gets all up in your grill again, tell her very quietly to move it along toots, because her breath smells like she ate a Butterfinger from a nasty whore''s snatch.
I'm sure the OP and R2 left DL a long time ago never to return, but...if you're out there, please come back! We need you!
You cannot even sew. I DO NOT know how you were even allowed to join the class. Now, I'm going to be quiet now--don't even look at me.
You have thrown me off my game and are a no-talent dried out bitch. I with you would just die,OP.