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Anonymous Confessions

%0D Post your deepest, darkest secrets and confessions here.%0D

by Anonymousreply 486November 26, 2019 1:16 PM

I want to beat the shit out of someone. I won't though. I'd like to beat them to bloody pulp.

by Anonymousreply 1April 24, 2011 9:10 AM

I'm childless, single, and secretly relieved to be both. If I were to openly admit this people would think I'm some sort of freak since I'm female and not bad looking. I know, how vanilla of me.

by Anonymousreply 2April 24, 2011 4:17 PM

I cant stop thinking about vagina. Ive been watching a lot of vagina pron and Im really turned on by it. Even in my fantasies I imagine that the bottom has one. Maybe I need to find a tranny? Maybe Im denial about being bisexual?

by Anonymousreply 3April 24, 2011 6:27 PM

I stole the strawberries.

by Anonymousreply 4April 24, 2011 6:40 PM

I detest my little sister and avoid her as much as possible. I really don't care if I ever hear about her again.

by Anonymousreply 5April 24, 2011 8:57 PM

I fantasize about superficial people having a big wake up call that makes them feel incredibly disillusioned.

by Anonymousreply 6April 25, 2011 6:33 PM

I secretly wish that my hair would fall out. I have the biggest white man jew fro in the known universe.. and I'm tired of shaving it..

by Anonymousreply 7April 25, 2011 6:55 PM

I'm single and childless and I'm glad...

by Anonymousreply 8April 25, 2011 8:09 PM

My Mother is a high profile respected attorney who is loved by everyone..except me. She is a raging mean bitch of an alcoholic the second she gets home each night and drinks herself into a stupor. And I showered with my father till i was 13. Needless to say Im fucked up now.

by Anonymousreply 9April 25, 2011 10:19 PM

I wish r9 had a picture of his naked dad or at least had a good story to describe the experience.%0D %0D Ugh. It feels so good to finally get that one off my chest. I've felt this way for years.

by Anonymousreply 10April 25, 2011 10:26 PM

It's not my pussy.

It's my fucking feet.

Now piss off.

by Anonymousreply 11April 25, 2011 10:30 PM

When I was 18, I was afraid that when i got older, none of the older daddies would like me anymore, now that im twenty, i kind of wish not as many liked me.

by Anonymousreply 12April 25, 2011 10:35 PM

Oh Ive got stories r10, none that i like to remember though. And Dad was gorgeous. We also shared a bed after my parents divorce. There was no overt sex or anything but lots of snuggling and body contact. I have always been attracted to older men as a result but always feel guilty and dirty after our Dad/Son roleplaying.

by Anonymousreply 13April 25, 2011 10:50 PM

I ate all the Frusen Gl%C3%A4dj%C3%A9.

by Anonymousreply 14April 25, 2011 11:20 PM

... Wie ein Tod den andern frass, ein Spott aus dem Tod ist worden!

by Anonymousreply 15April 25, 2011 11:27 PM

I know someone wants to beat the shit out of me. He wants to beat me to a bloody pulp. But he won't.

by Anonymousreply 16April 25, 2011 11:40 PM

I like deep, dark chocolate and chewy coconut oooh.

by Anonymousreply 17April 25, 2011 11:44 PM

Some people are just evil and no amount of love, help, or opportunity will ever change that.%0D %0D It scares me that people are in denial over this.

by Anonymousreply 18April 25, 2011 11:55 PM

I'm very attracted to queeny/feminine gay men, but I would never ever date one or sleep with one. I basically enjoy looking from afar...

by Anonymousreply 19April 25, 2011 11:58 PM

I am ugly. This is not some overblown self criticism. I embody asymmetry at its finest. I know it...I know others see it. I am unable to let anyone close to me intimately. I expect to one day die alone, lonely, never having loved or been loved.

by Anonymousreply 20April 26, 2011 12:19 AM

Ugly will get you work in Hollywood.%0D Seriously.

by Anonymousreply 21April 26, 2011 12:28 AM

R20

That makes me sad. I hope you find love someday.

by Anonymousreply 22April 26, 2011 12:38 AM

r22= Becka

by Anonymousreply 23April 26, 2011 12:44 AM

I don't douche half as much as I'd like you to believe.

by Anonymousreply 24April 26, 2011 1:11 AM

I used to beat every cat we ever owned until I was into my teens. Then I wondered why they didn't like me. I was impatient and mean with my little dog who died last summer--we were on a road trip and I was irritated because she was acting very hyper in her crate in the backseat. When we pulled over to stop for the night she was dead. So the last memory my dog had of me was me snapping at her to settle down.

Yeah, I'm a prick and a piece of shit. I remind myself every day of that fact.

by Anonymousreply 25April 26, 2011 1:14 AM

I subconsciously wish for my step-brother and step-sister's failure, even though as their much older brother, I act very supportive and interested in their lives. They have never wanted for a single thing in their lives and I basically grew up poor.

by Anonymousreply 26April 26, 2011 1:17 AM

R26 here

That should be half-brother and half-sister...

by Anonymousreply 27April 26, 2011 1:29 AM

[quote]I'm very attracted to queeny/feminine gay men, but I would never ever date one or sleep with one. I basically enjoy looking from afar...

r19...internalized homophobia...

by Anonymousreply 28April 26, 2011 5:38 AM

Are you allowed to offer advice or solace? Like: it's okay; that will go away; you're not the only one; no reason to feel that way; it's body dysmorphic disorder and untreatable ?%0D %0D I only ask because this is way not anonymous enough for mine.

by Anonymousreply 29April 26, 2011 6:34 AM

In Grade 10, my friend and I went door-to-door canvassing for the Terry Fox Run, but kept the money instead of turning it in.

Probably ended with about $40 each.

by Anonymousreply 30April 26, 2011 6:41 AM

I shat my pants at Commander's Palace!%0D

by Anonymousreply 31April 26, 2011 6:45 AM

R25, what was your childhood like? Who beat up on you?

by Anonymousreply 32April 26, 2011 6:45 AM

I stole the pea puree.

by Anonymousreply 33April 26, 2011 6:55 AM

Agreed, R18. Bad seeds.

by Anonymousreply 34April 26, 2011 7:32 AM

I'm a virgin, just because I've never met a lesbian I found attractive. But straight women, plenty of them.

by Anonymousreply 35April 26, 2011 7:49 AM

Like R25, I used to beat up our family pets, too. Every member of my family was violent with the ones who were weaker than them: Dad beat the shit out of Mom, Dad and Mom both constantly spanked us kids, my oldest brother beat up the middle brother, and the middle brother beat up me. As the youngest child, the only ones I had power over were our dog and cat, so I sometimes beat them. Chain of pain. I feel absolutely fucking horrible about it. But at the time, it was the only way I knew how to survive.

by Anonymousreply 36April 26, 2011 8:22 AM

I lost my virginity with a prostitute; I am a woman.

by Anonymousreply 37April 26, 2011 8:29 AM

What did you do to them?

by Anonymousreply 38April 26, 2011 8:30 AM

R37, did she have a heart of gold?

by Anonymousreply 39April 26, 2011 8:33 AM

R37, I should to that.

by Anonymousreply 40April 26, 2011 8:45 AM

I am sorry R9. That is horrible. You should not keep this a secret. Move out if you have not. Get therapy. Parents can really screw you up.

by Anonymousreply 41April 26, 2011 11:01 AM

I was also an abused kid. I hate my parents.

by Anonymousreply 42April 26, 2011 11:02 AM

When I was 20 and closeted I went to an adult bookstore and blew a guy through a gloryhole. After he came I peeked out my door to see him (curious I guess). It was my dad.

I moved away a couple of months later and we rarely talk due to my guilt. He has no idea to this day.

by Anonymousreply 43April 26, 2011 11:34 AM

I hurt someone I loved very, very badly. On purpose. Only I know.

by Anonymousreply 44April 26, 2011 11:47 AM

I write novels.

by Anonymousreply 45April 26, 2011 12:11 PM

"Evil" is an Abrahamic concept that I reject. Some people are sadistic or self-centered and do cruel, exploitative, antisocial things because they like it or don't have the capacity to change. But if you did something you feel guilty about afterwards, that shows you have a conscience, and that means you have the potential to break the patterns and make a better person out of yourself.

by Anonymousreply 46April 26, 2011 12:21 PM

I was a fat kid and I still feel like a fat kid on the inside, even though I am no longer. I also have episodes of extremely obsessive thoughts that keep me from socializing like I want to. Ive never kissed a boy. I dont get along with other males well enough to get to the point of intimacy. I dont feel doomed because I know worse things could happen (like r43, OMFG!!), and I want to get therapy soon.

by Anonymousreply 47April 26, 2011 12:33 PM

I secretly like 'Achy Breaky Heart'. When I'm alone, I download the YouTube vid of a young Billy Ray Cyrus doing his thing. Then I delete it in case someone finds it on my computer.

by Anonymousreply 48April 26, 2011 12:46 PM

[quote]When I was 20 and closeted I went to an adult bookstore and blew a guy through a gloryhole. After he came I peeked out my door to see him (curious I guess). It was my dad.

This. never. happened.

by Anonymousreply 49April 26, 2011 12:55 PM

I don't have any ...but Kim Cattrall can't believe it's not vagina!

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 50April 26, 2011 1:00 PM

I have irritable bowel syndrome and this means that the lining of my anus gets inflamed and tears very easily. I avoid anal sex because I am very scared that I would be very succeptible to transmission.

by Anonymousreply 51April 26, 2011 1:27 PM

Me too, R51. You're not alone.

by Anonymousreply 52April 26, 2011 1:46 PM

I was a jealous child and I was cruel to my sister growing up. Thank God she has forgiven me.

by Anonymousreply 53April 26, 2011 2:06 PM

R43 has been reading too much nifty.org.

At least concoct a better story next time.

by Anonymousreply 54April 26, 2011 2:15 PM

I secretly wish that my hair would fall out. I have the biggest white man jew fro in the known universe.. and I'm tired of shaving it..%0D %0D You can get it straightened. Japanese perm.

by Anonymousreply 55April 26, 2011 4:52 PM

My drinking and smoking are out of control. I know this and yet I keep pushing further to smoke more and get more drunk. I now smoke a pack a day and drink half a bottle every night.

by Anonymousreply 56April 26, 2011 5:48 PM

Only a pack of smokes and half a bottle of booze?!

You're not trying hard enough, OP.

Amateur.

by Anonymousreply 57April 26, 2011 5:51 PM

I stole the blueberry tarts.

by Anonymousreply 58April 26, 2011 6:03 PM

LOL R57.

by Anonymousreply 59April 26, 2011 6:13 PM

I live in a motor home. Not a "trailer" a vehicle. Yet, it's really not bad at all and I'm working on goals to get to an apartment in 6 months. I spend a lot of time envisioning decorating with real furniture and taking hot showers in a bathroom that isn't the size of a phone booth.

by Anonymousreply 60April 26, 2011 7:36 PM

I've been thinking lately about how I've fucked up my life through a flurry of poor decisions, and that while I've made a lot of good ones in terms of education and career, the consequences of the poor decisions outweigh the benefits of the good ones in most cases. This thinking has brought me to the "well, what good is it to even continue?" stage, and I wouldn't be surprised to be honestly suicidal by the end of the year.

by Anonymousreply 61April 26, 2011 8:02 PM

I love eating lobster.

by Anonymousreply 62April 27, 2011 7:04 AM

I outed my ex and his trannie lover. The bitch was forced to come out as bi to his family instead of passing as str8 parading the trannie as a woman to his clueless family who though the trannie was an ugly black woman. He, like most closeted men was a mean spirited hypocrite.

Felt good to do and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

by Anonymousreply 63April 27, 2011 8:10 AM

I haven't had sex in three years. I'm getting horny again, but I want something substantial.

by Anonymousreply 64April 27, 2011 8:15 AM

Im tired of Donald Trump threads. I could give a fuck about what that bastard has to say about anything.

by Anonymousreply 65April 28, 2011 1:09 AM

I like to poo in the dark and pretend it's a zombie apocalypse while I do it.

by Anonymousreply 66April 28, 2011 1:19 AM

We bought some infrared goggles the other day, R66.

by Anonymousreply 67April 28, 2011 1:25 AM

I buy lottery tickets for every game that's sold in my state, I never miss buying at least one for each game. I'll buy more than one as I'm out running errands. Deep down I hope I'll win a big jackpot, it doesn't have to be the big one but one that'll put me in a place where I won't have to worry about my financial future.

I check the tickets nearly every day. I never check them in front of other people. I registered for text messages that send me the numbers but I still go to the lottery website just in case the text is wrong.

Every time someone else wins a big pot I take it personally.

by Anonymousreply 68April 28, 2011 1:33 AM

I want Mark Ruffalo to fuck the shit out of me. I'm a lesbian who has never been with a guy.

My ex girlfriend is a cunt.

I'm attracted to men but I don't want to fuck them. Hand jobs are cool though but I don't think that makes me a bisexual.

I want to fuck the shit out of: Gillian Anderson, Leah Remini, Sara Gilbert, Conor Oberst, Penelope Cruz, Adamari Lopez and my ex girlfriends ex girlfriend.

by Anonymousreply 69April 28, 2011 1:49 AM

"Hand jobs are cool though but I don't think that makes me a bisexual."

Sadly, it does. You like a throbbing hot cock in your palm, sweetie.

by Anonymousreply 70April 28, 2011 1:56 AM

I have contemplated suicide

by Anonymousreply 71April 28, 2011 2:19 AM

Over what, R71?

by Anonymousreply 72April 28, 2011 2:21 AM

Life

by Anonymousreply 73April 28, 2011 2:28 AM

I fall in love too easily and then fall hard when it is unrequited. There is this guy in the gym I fell in love with, I gave him my phone number last week, and he hasn't called. I feel depressed and it's pathetic.

by Anonymousreply 74April 28, 2011 3:11 AM

[quote] There is this guy in the gym I fell in love with, I gave him my phone number last week, and he hasn't called. I feel depressed and it's pathetic.

Indeed.

by Anonymousreply 75April 28, 2011 6:01 AM

I'm a bright, funny, attractive college grad who hasn't worked in a few years (lived off of unemployment and welfare). I just don't want to work. I'm not lazy only depressed and without direction.

by Anonymousreply 76April 28, 2011 9:35 AM

I was sexually molested by an older male cousin. I tried to commit suicide twice, first at 16 and then when i was 23. Only my therapist knows about the molestations and suicide attempts and i refuse to press charges it would destroy my parents. I secretly wish i could muster enough courage to confront him and deep down i wish he was dead. I am miserable, on the outside i look like everything is perfect but i pretend its fine. Ive become an alcoholic just to cope and escape. I am a high functioning alcoholic. I have no self esteem and have major trust issues especially with men- after the sexual molestation stopped i became super hyper sexual and now ive been celibate for over 2 yrs and replace it with the drinking. Im cold and distant and even right now- its early morning and the liquor is wearing off cause im crying realizing what i have written and it hurts that this is my reality.

The only good or redeeming thing about me is that i have a lot of money. I wish i could start over- it feels like im in a nightmare and i cant escape or wake up. All i know is that if i consider and try suicide again i will make sure its fail proof and successful.

by Anonymousreply 77April 28, 2011 10:21 AM

R77 Get help! You sound like a great person -- really -- just call a crisis line anonymously if you want but get referred to a good therapist who is experienced in sexual abuse cases. You are not the only one this type of thing has happened to or who has turned to booze for comfort. You deserve better though -- please get help! The fact that writing your post brought you to tears is probably good even though it may not feel like it -- talking about it with a therapist or crisis counselor may really help you!

Best of luck!

by Anonymousreply 78April 28, 2011 10:32 AM

To all the suicidal brethren among us: and I don't mean to trivialize this, but think that tomorrow is always another day. %0D %0D I know it's cliche but you never know the great things you may do or the people whose lives you may brighten or even save just by being here and not giving up.%0D %0D Good luck. All of us are worth something.

by Anonymousreply 79April 28, 2011 11:03 AM

Tell your parents R77. Why are you protecting them from hurt and taking it all on yourself? Let them help you and be there for you. They care about you and would want to help you. It doesn't mean you have to press charges.

by Anonymousreply 80April 28, 2011 11:04 AM

I am educated, young, and have a good job. But, I am just going through the motions of life. I am suicidal except I don't have the balls to end my life so I am hoping I die in some accident. I told this guy, a guy I swore had feelings for me, and who I risked getting jumped for by a psycho who wanted to hurt me pretty bad because I wasn't into him and who was obsessed with me, how I felt. He rejected me. I put up the psycho's taunts and harrassments as well his friend's bullshit for a full year just so I could be near my friend. Since he rejected me, I have felt like I am a complete nothing and that no guy will ever want me. To make matters worse, I guess, I saw my friend again and I asked him about what I told him and he said that he didn't remember what I told him and then he told me he was straight. He's not, I know that. But, that didn't help how I felt. Then I told him that he looked good in a particular style of shirt and color and now, he wears that same kind of shirt and color everytime he goes out. I guess my fashion advice is acceptable, but I'm not. Now, I feel completely worthless. He took all of my confidence and I just don't feel guys will want me. This happened months and months ago and I still feel the same. I still like him so much.

by Anonymousreply 81April 28, 2011 12:20 PM

I regret not trying to "marry well" when I was younger. Now I'm pushing 40 and I don't see it happening.

My long-time partner loves me and I love him, but we are utterly incompatible and his lack of ambition and trashy family depress me.

I realize this makes me a bad person.

by Anonymousreply 82April 28, 2011 12:31 PM

My step-father raped me.

That's the first time I've ever said it, and I feel sick. It's taken me ten minutes to just type this out.

by Anonymousreply 83April 28, 2011 12:42 PM

As much as anyone can love an anonymous reply on a forum, my love goes out to you, R83.

by Anonymousreply 84April 28, 2011 1:16 PM

I am a raging alcoholic and I am afraid I will die alone. I can't find anyone to love me. I'm almost 40 so my chances are over. I am too scared to kill myself so like the poster above, I fantasize about accidents and never wear my seat belt.

by Anonymousreply 85April 28, 2011 2:08 PM

I didn't know there were so many people who felt like me.

by Anonymousreply 86April 28, 2011 2:22 PM

R83, good for you for finally saying it. Now say it to someone that can help you or at least give you a hug. This was a good start.%0D %0D R77, every day you keep this inside of you, every day you allow this secret to eat you alive is another day he victimizes you. Don't let him do that to you.

by Anonymousreply 87April 28, 2011 2:25 PM

Like others on this thread, I think I'm gonna drink myself to death.

I don't understand why my family hasn't intervened. Part of me wants them to. Is that wrong?

I wish they would say, "We care and we want you to stop."

Am I stupid or weak because I don't have the strength to do this myself?

by Anonymousreply 88April 28, 2011 2:29 PM

I envy people who can end their life. I wonder where they get the courage to do it.

by Anonymousreply 89April 28, 2011 2:35 PM

r83 can you get help? Is the step father still in your life? can you press charges?

Maybe feeling sick after typing it out is the first steps to getting past it.

by Anonymousreply 90April 28, 2011 2:44 PM

R81 if you were valueless psycho guy wouldn't be obsessed with you would he? Fake "straight" guy wouldn't be taking your fashion advice. Pull it together honey, as the song says, "Everybody plays the fool, sometime, there's no exception to the rule."%0D I know how you feel because I had a tough, negotiated agreement to sell the house and everything was settled and then on the last day of the attorney adjustment period, they suddenly slammed me with 11 "riders" attempting to move costs and liabilities from them to me, and when I agreed to all but one and tried to negotiate that one, they tried to reset the contract to their original position and worse. I felt, "I just don't enough sang-froid for life, the constant ego battles." But I do. And so do you. Just take some deep breaths and move forward. Life is still worth all the injuries it brings and being open to hurt will also make you open to love. But it is bullshit to blame your rejecting "friend" for your sticking it out in the face of psycho because there is no way you should have MOVED to get away from psycho man. You should deal with that in place.

by Anonymousreply 91April 28, 2011 2:58 PM

I love cats.

by Anonymousreply 92April 28, 2011 10:23 PM

I am 100% gay but I have a female acquaintace (friend of a friend who is a femme lesbian) I want to fuck the shit out of. She is absolutely gorgeous (model/actress in NYC and no I am NOT posting her pic) and I am weirdly sexually attracted to her. I have never been attracted to a woman in my entire gay life, and it's just bizarre.

by Anonymousreply 93April 28, 2011 11:54 PM

R93, is she busty?

by Anonymousreply 94April 28, 2011 11:58 PM

n

by Anonymousreply 95April 29, 2011 3:29 AM

I want to enter myself in the drawing to go to Oprah's last show in Chicago.

by Anonymousreply 96April 29, 2011 4:37 AM

You sound selfish, R82. What more do you need in a mate besides love and kind treatment?

by Anonymousreply 97April 29, 2011 4:37 AM

R93 that happened to me once and it felt really weird. I still don't understand it.

by Anonymousreply 98April 29, 2011 4:45 AM

R81

If you can, I think you need to find a good professional to talk to about this situation. There isn't a man alive worth killing yourself over.

by Anonymousreply 99April 29, 2011 4:46 AM

What did she look like, R98?

by Anonymousreply 100April 29, 2011 4:48 AM

One time when I got high, I thought there was a cactus dancing in the window of an apartment just for me(this was at nighttime and it was just the flicker of a TV screen, there was no cactus).

by Anonymousreply 101April 29, 2011 4:58 AM

more

by Anonymousreply 102April 29, 2011 8:09 AM

Anonymous bump

by Anonymousreply 103April 30, 2011 10:00 AM

I dumped my boyfriend of a year of a half over his chronic cheating and raked him over the coals about it. I never told him when he was out of town I had a co worker over who fucked the hell out of me because I didn't want to lose the upper hand. But I realized it was a mistake and didn't do it again, whereas he fucked around all the time, so I don't think it's that bad.

by Anonymousreply 104April 30, 2011 10:34 AM

I quit my job late last summer, somehow wrangled unemployment benefits, and have been living off of them plus veterans benefits and under the table $$ from a restaurant job I have since then. I have no desire to go back into the industry I left, so I'm using the time to study for grad school. I'm taking the GRE this summer and applying for next fall.

I'm actually having a great time. I work out a lot, and just get a chance to enjoy the city in a way I never got a chance to when I was working full time. I don't have a lot of $$ but I'm very careful with it, so financially I'm pretty much the same as I was when I was working full time.

I feel guilty sometimes but I remind myself that these are benefits that I earned and paid into anyways, and this is such a low level of corruption it barely registers. I just can't wait to move on so I don't have to do this anymore, but I know after these 2 years I'll be working for the rest of my life, so...

by Anonymousreply 105April 30, 2011 1:49 PM

Fuck you R105

by Anonymousreply 106April 30, 2011 2:00 PM

I want to be the bottom at a bareback orgy where I take several cocks and loads.

by Anonymousreply 107April 30, 2011 2:21 PM

R105 will be dead within a week.

by Anonymousreply 108April 30, 2011 2:25 PM

I sent my boss a rude, name-calling anonymous note. He thinks a co-worker did it and he's making her life miserable. I like this woman and feel sorry but don't have the guts to fess up.

by Anonymousreply 109April 30, 2011 2:39 PM

I have not washed my hair in at least 2 months. It's not out of laziness but I had horrible dandruff before and tried everything to get rid of it but couldn't. Plus my hair is dark brown so it really showed. Not washing my hair really worked to solve the dandruff problem though!

It works I guess because of the excess oil build up. It really doesn't look overly greasy surprisingly and the dandruff problem is fixed! I constantly comb it and run nice-smelling leave in conditioners through it so it smells nice. My hair is great but I know you're supposed to wash hair, but the thing is I'm afraid to as I think my dandruff problem will return.

by Anonymousreply 110April 30, 2011 3:30 PM

I showed vulnerability to a guy I really, really liked. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I have never done that before and I will never do that again. I am not the same person I was after I told him how I felt. I don't like who I am now. How I feel. I want to end my life so bad. It's all I think about. I don't know if I will do it or not, but it's all I think about. It's been over six months and everyday I want to die. This guy ruined me and I asked for it. I can't believe I feel the way that do, it's shocking to me, but I do. Maybe it's a genetic thing, other people in my family have ended their life. Maybe something triggered something. I don't know. I just don't like who I am now and I want it to be over.

by Anonymousreply 111May 1, 2011 6:03 AM

Please get help and don't commit suicide R111! No matter what kind of 'vulnerable mistake' you made, this guy isn't worth it!

You deserve to be able to make huge mistakes and live. That is how we learn as humans. That you feel bad about it means that you can learn from it and keep living. Think about what you love and make goals to do it. If you are so depressed that you don't love anything, that is all the more reason to get help. Call a crisis center or whatever you have to do!

And remember that whatever patterns a family has, and most do have them!, it's up to those who recognize these patterns to break them! Break the cycle and get help.

BTW, there was a time in my life when I did try to commit suicide so I do know what I am talking about! I am so glad I didn't because although I still have been depressed for much of my life, there were wonderful moments also that I am so glad I stayed alive to experience. You will have your moments too, this I am sure of, so please get help and don't give up on life!!

by Anonymousreply 112May 1, 2011 8:41 AM

Fess up, R109.

by Anonymousreply 113May 1, 2011 8:46 AM

I agree with R113! The least you can do R109 is slip the boss another note that says this woman is not the one who did it!

Being blamed for something you didn't do is the worst! Don't let this woman suffer about it!

It happened to me and I couldn't stop feeling an intense combination of confusion/anger/hurt etc. It wasn't a work situation. My boyfriend at the time's female friend, whom I actually liked, accused me of stealing her engagement ring! What the hell she thought I would even want it for or why I was supposed to have done such as thing was beyond me and my bf who of course knew I didn't do it.

We were all on a road trip together at the time and yeah all the fun happy mood was shot and it was horrible. This woman's bf just shut up and didn't do anything and wouldn't even look me in the eye so I was convinced that he thought I did it. My bf was extra comforting to me and tried to tell his friend and her bf that I was upset and didn't do it -- and we were stuck on the road with these idiots! They wouldn't listen and we cut the trip as short as we could -- it was chilly and not fun and I was really upset and pissed off and hurt all at the same time.

Weeks later, the hag had to eat crow and apologize to me as a person in one of the homes we had visited on the trip had much later ended up finding the stupid ring on the floor or something and phoned to see if it was hers and mailed it back to her.

A guy a know lost his job from a party rental company because he was wrongly accused of stealing something he didn't -- something stupid too like silverware. He had needed that job and the references, but the real culprit never admitted it.

Do the right thing and at least get this woman off the hook somehow!!

by Anonymousreply 114May 1, 2011 9:21 AM

Good post, R114.

by Anonymousreply 115May 1, 2011 9:56 AM

I'm so fed up with someone I felt was one of my best friend. So much for telling him so! He blames me for getting out with his gay friends without asking him first, even if he admits this feeling is unjustified, especially because we haven't done a lot of things together recently. But every time I propose we do something, he always declines. And now, I'm the one who feels horrible and who's crying at 10 in the morning.

by Anonymousreply 116May 1, 2011 10:20 AM

I broke up with my partner, who was abusive and apparently cheating on me for months. He kept forcing me to "work" on things, and I finally agreed to therapy. Once there, he evidently lied constantly to her and while our therapist was urging me to open my heart to him, which I began doing, he moved in with someone else and kept lying to me, and everyone else, about it. He stole money on the way out the door, and tried to steal our dog, all the while telling people I was the lying slut, and denying he was living with the new guy.

The confession is this: I can't get over him. I know all the reasons he was bad to me, awful to me, terrible to me, and I am losing friends because I can't get over him. The last four months have been worse and worse, and now that we have no contact anymore, I am lost and alone. I've been dating, but I have no joy. I feel so empty. I saw a picture of him (he's gained thirty pounds while I've lost thirty) out last night with his new bf and two mutual friends (both of whom lied to me about going out last night), and rather than anger or feeling nothing, I was stricken with despair.

I feel pretty sure I will kill myself sooner or later. I keep talking myself out of it, but just because other men like me, I don't really like myself anymore. I let this man treat me like garbage, and abuse me utterly. I don't trust myself anymore. He took so much from me, and I can't figure out how to give it back to myself. I miss him so much, and it disgusts me. I disgust myself.

Worse, i have family and friends who want me to hang in there because they realize he is crazy and want me to help put his life back together if he wakes up and realizes how he has screwed up his life, but I see it differently: he's an opportunist, a huckster, and an abusive bastard. His new partner is even worse than him, and I can't take any pleasure in thinking they deserve each other. I just want to kill myself and make it all end. I thought it would get better as time passed, but all I feel is empty, hollow. At least anger makes you feel something. I feel nothing but intense grief, and stupidity and having trusted such a person with all the key details of my life: he has already told the new one, and other friends in common, that I was raped as a child--which he was the only person I had ever told. He's vile. And I still love him, which makes me worthy of killing myself.

by Anonymousreply 117May 1, 2011 11:27 AM

Are/were you his hag R116? Sounds like he was trying to pull away from you and then you infiltrated his circle of friends to continue to force a connection. You sound a bit stalker-ish.

by Anonymousreply 118May 1, 2011 11:29 AM

Come on, R118. They have the same circle of friends, that's not stalkerish at all.

by Anonymousreply 119May 1, 2011 11:53 AM

I've asked myself this question R118, and declined every invite his friends made for the last month. But last week, I invited him at home to meet my long-time friends, and he came. I'm not a hag, I'm a lesbian and he is a gay man. His 'single' gay friends (he has a partner and he makes you feel he's more successful than you in that department) were introducing me to some of their lesbian friends as, strangely I don't have lesbian friends myself and feel quite alone about this. I have zero interest in hanging with only gay men or hang all time with my friend's gay male friends or any of his other friends. I have a bunch of real long-time friends, all straight, and clearly, I respect the fact he has HIS friends; they are not mine. I just want to meet new people and make friend of my own. If he doesn't want me in his life, it will hurt me, of course, but I'll understand. I wonder if I should asking him, but knowing the way he could react, I'm not sure it's a good idea.

by Anonymousreply 120May 1, 2011 12:00 PM

R117, maybe you don't want the help of a doctor or any drugs now, but you've got family and friends. Talk to them, let them help you. Right now, you're in hell, but hang on to them. Reach to them. You may not think they will help you, but you need to take this chance and ask them.

by Anonymousreply 121May 1, 2011 12:04 PM

I'm pretty sure I'm a sociopath. You don't even want to know the things I think about other human beings.

by Anonymousreply 122May 1, 2011 12:13 PM

relax lesbian, they're not his friends as in his property, you're making friends with individual people so kick the frost king to the curb

by Anonymousreply 123May 1, 2011 12:14 PM

r121, I am trying but I feel people pulling away, fatigued of all the drama. So the more I sense it, the more I quiet up, and the more quiet I am, the more I am losing myself. I just can't rationally spin out of it. Emptiness is the worst sensation.

by Anonymousreply 124May 1, 2011 12:28 PM

I am 45 and I have never had sex. I'm a gay man, very successful, fairly good looking, and people think I'm totally normal, in fact, they seem to think of me as a role model. I pretend that I've had sex, I coyly refer to partners I've had without actually ever really saying we had sex. But the fact is, I am convinced no one wants to have sex with me, and I am totally terrified that if I do make a move, I will be rejected. Rejection really, really scares me. Really, really, really scares me.

So I just don't do anything about it except work twice as hard as other people and walk my dog and pretend that I am just playing the field and let others believe I'm someone whom I'm not.

I hate myself.

by Anonymousreply 125May 1, 2011 12:44 PM

R125 does not exist.%0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 126May 1, 2011 2:54 PM

People don't trust me because I've never learned a secret I didn't blab.

by Anonymousreply 127May 1, 2011 2:54 PM

Fuck off R126. I'm 33, and in the exactly same situation as R125.

by Anonymousreply 128May 1, 2011 4:02 PM

I'm the note writer.

I will try to get the woman off the hook. You are right. She should not be in trouble...

by Anonymousreply 129May 1, 2011 7:45 PM

I'm being friends with my ex just so I can sabotage his current relationship and intimidate his new bf who is much less attractive than me. He broke my heart and I guess this is my way of seeking revenge.

by Anonymousreply 130May 1, 2011 7:46 PM

My Mutti was a real cunt. She just hated my guts, basically. She tried to poison my mother against me but it didn%E2%80%99t work because I have a great mother. She was just tough. You look back and you think she must not have been very happy and she must have had a lot of pain because she was as mean as hell.

by Anonymousreply 131May 1, 2011 8:02 PM

R131: Did you ever think that she had a problem with the fact that you were fucking her daughter's husband, who was also your father?

by Anonymousreply 132May 1, 2011 8:09 PM

I'm pro-life. I don't consider myself a conservative on most social issues, and I'm all for sex education and contraception. But I do believe life starts at conception, so abortion just seems like murder to me. Someone once said to me that abortion can be beneficial because if the fetus has some kind of defect, you wouldn't want to bring the child into the world. It just reminded me of Nazis taking a bunch of handicapped and mentally retarded children and putting them to death.

I've told a couple of people my position in the past, and they immediately set out to explain why I'm wrong or try to change my mind. I don't want to change my mind about it though. So it's easier to not discuss it, and not share my thoughts on the matter.

by Anonymousreply 133May 1, 2011 8:33 PM

I constantly daydream and it's really affecting my life. For example, there is this guy (probably straight) that I like and that I thought liked me. Maybe he was one of those guys that liked attention or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. As someone who daydreams a lot, I started fantasizing that we were together. I'd daydream that we are having sex, cuddling, going on dates, even to the point of our actual conversations. I'd daydream that we would fight and make up, him meeting my friends and even my parents, and I meeting his friends and family (made up of course since I never met his family). In the process of constant daydreaming, I'd fallen in love with him, though technically, I'd fallen in love with the fictional version of him, NOT the real him (sadly enough, I hadn't talked to him nor do I know his name -- really sad). In order to make my daydreams a reality, I slipped my phone inside his gym locker without even confirming if he might even be interested in men. It's been 3 weeks and no call although at first, I thought that it might be due to final exams. Then, the semester is over last Friday with exams finished and he cleaned out his gym locker, and it dawned on me that I'll never see him again. My daydreaming finally caught on to reality and it's crashing fast.

Last night while searching in Facebook, I accidentally saw his friend's profile (one of his gym buddies) which had a picture of him. His friend's profile lead me to his profile. Finally knowing his name and where he lives (different from where I live) sent some sort of a catalyst/catharsis (whatever the correct word is) that I ended up depressed and crying my eyes out this morning.

I know there is something wrong with me mentally and I constantly daydream even before this incident. Even hanging out among my friends, I would sometimes withdraw into my own little world and not fully engage in the social situation. My mind seems hyperactive with a low attention span. Even having a simple conversation, I would usually lose interest and my mind would withdraw into its own little world. And the daydreams, just like with the example above, can really affect my reality.

What the hell is wrong with me?

by Anonymousreply 134May 1, 2011 9:05 PM

"Finally knowing his name and where he lives (different from where I live) sent some sort of a catalyst/catharsis (whatever the correct word is) that I ended up depressed and crying my eyes out this morning."

Aww, you're just in your early twenties, R134. We've all been there before, and you'll grow out of that phase soon enough.

by Anonymousreply 135May 1, 2011 9:13 PM

I'm extremely attractive but also very lonely. I have lots and lots of sex but practically never date. Either I go out with guys that I don't find interesting or when I do find someone even semi interesting they always end up pulling back when I show an iota of attention. Men are interested in me purely for my body or as a fuck but for whatever reason don't see me as dating or boyfriend material.

It's lonely and sad and I think about sabotaging my "perfect" body but will always obsess over it because it is the only source of any positive attention I receive in my life right now.

And I probably have a low-level eating disorder and a relationship with working out that is getting steadily more obsessive.

by Anonymousreply 136May 1, 2011 9:17 PM

R133, Why would anyone flame you? This DL you have a right to your opinion. So you don't like killing babies? I don't either. Sickos might but not DL.

by Anonymousreply 137May 1, 2011 9:22 PM

Thanks R135, but I really believe there is something wrong with me. I'll be seeing a therapist this week and hopedully, I'll have an answer. It's a good thing I'm not an English major because I tried reading a fictional novel once and it probably took 3-4 weeks to finish the first chapter. And I was so exhausted after that I stopped reading it. The worst part is that the novel seemed interesting and I could relate to the main character.

Even walking the hallways on campus, half of my mind would be off somewhere and the other half navigating me to where I need to go and dodging other people. Even playing volleyball last Friday, I would sometimes not pay attention and would go after the ball too late. Hell, one of my teammate even jokingly said we lost because of me. Besides, falling in love with someone you haven't even talked to or haven't even know his name, completely based on fantasy, is crazy! I really need help.

by Anonymousreply 138May 1, 2011 9:33 PM

I am losing the desire to have a boyfriend and to have sex. I am 45, great job, good friends. But my desire for love and sex from a man has slowly disappeared. I don't trust them. I have never met a gay man who was normal- by that I mean: not depressed, repressed or overly sexual. I am an average guy. But I never meet average guys unless they are straight. After a point I am just done. I can sexually please myself. And few men seem to really know themselves beyond knowing that they are gay. So I lose out and they lose out- what's the point. At some point you are just bored at the ball and want to go home to read a book and pet your dog.

by Anonymousreply 139May 1, 2011 9:53 PM

These aren't mine, but I love reading Post Secret on Sundays.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 140May 1, 2011 9:59 PM

You figured that out at 45, R139? Talk about 'late bloomer'...

by Anonymousreply 141May 1, 2011 9:59 PM

If you do can I watch? (another Post Secret from today)

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 142May 1, 2011 10:00 PM

Yikes. In the course of 5 days I managed to meet and fall for a feminine gay guy. Furthermore, I love the fact that he completely embraces who he is. Redemption is possible, folks!

by Anonymousreply 143May 1, 2011 10:05 PM

I keep a journal and at the top of each page I rate my day using a letter grade system. Today is a D+ because I'm incredibly, seriously depressed, yet at the same time I am soooo enjoying both humor and irony!

by Anonymousreply 144May 1, 2011 11:53 PM

I remember when I ate corn, but I want to be the dramatic centre of attention.

by Anonymousreply 145May 2, 2011 12:26 AM

R33, I love you.

by Anonymousreply 146May 2, 2011 12:43 AM

I've always avoided sexual contact with other guys because my dick is so huge, I only get an erection while being transfused with new bloon and on poppers.

by Anonymousreply 147May 2, 2011 12:55 AM

"new bloon" - everyone should try it at least once, but don't get hooked on it

by Anonymousreply 148May 2, 2011 1:24 AM

Somebody, a friend I've met online, whom I have not met in person but already consider one of my closest confidantes, directed me to this page. And, although he doesn't realize it, I have found his postings already... throughout our in-depth phone conversations, I've learned who he is internally, and I know him enough to KNOW his flaws and still feel a driving need to befriend him officially. True, when I first spotted him online, I thought he was attractive and attempted a connection, but I am blessed and fortunate to know him on the level we now share, and I wouldn't change that (although I DID masturbate excessively to the picture he sent me of his bare ass in the bathroom mirror... ha ha!). In reading the posts here, I am relieved to learn that I am NOT ENTIRELY flawed. If anything, I am normal. Maybe TOO normal. Boring, even. Ordinary. I have a twin sister who committed suicide on her 30th birthday, I have a family who despises me openly, I have a boyfriend who loves me to death but consistently trolls every gay hookup site for young immature twinks (we opened our relationship for the sake of not losing possibly the best partner I have ever encountered), I have years of accumulated college credits, but no degree due to my discomfort/apprehension to academia, and I have a mediocre job that sustains me, but doesn't propel me. But, despite my body dismorphic disorder, my middle-child syndrome, my social anxiety disorder, and my self-sabotaging ways, I push through with a smile and a positive outlook. There's always tomorrow, but one day, there won't be... My mother told me as a child, "When you're sad, go out and enjoy yourself BY ANY MEANS... as long as it doesn't hurt another person." She never believed in diagnosing mental illness, and as such, I have engaged in self-destructive behavior all my life, and have always managed to come out a survivor. I am lucky beyond words. I was unreasonably outed at 17, and subsequently kicked out on the streets to fend for my young self, and now at 35, I am the most successful sibling in my family unit, but can still not sit at the dinner table amongst a group of criminals and lowlifes. Nor do I want to! I am guilty of possessing many talents, aptitudes, and proficiencies, yet dumb myself down to the general public to save face and give everyone a platform of superiority above me so they will like me. I don't believe there is a god, and my life experiences have molded this belief. I recently fell HARD for whom I can only describe as the man of my fantasies, and he let his HIV status and habitual drug use deteriorate our bond, and I would gladly take him back in a heartbeat if I could...

You know... this is just a diminutive fraction of all the things that form a person in this topsy-turvy experience we call life.

Now that I've decompressed, I love you all that much more. (Oh, HI ELLE! -giggle!-) Carry on, people. Carry on! :)

by Anonymousreply 149May 2, 2011 8:05 PM

I feel so ugly and undesirable that I can't even jack off most of the time. Whenever I think of myself having sex with someone in a fantasy, I go soft. Why even fantasize when I know it won't happen?

by Anonymousreply 150May 2, 2011 10:43 PM

Do what I do R150, pretend you're a hot young thing in your fantasies. I'm never myself. Egads!

by Anonymousreply 151May 2, 2011 10:52 PM

[quote]when I do find someone even semi interesting they always end up pulling back when I show an iota of attention. Men are interested in me purely for my body or as a fuck but for whatever reason don't see me as dating or boyfriend material. %0D %0D Boys will be boys. Sounds like pretty normal behavior for young men.%0D %0D [quote] am the most successful sibling in my family unit, but can still not sit at the dinner table amongst a group of criminals and lowlifes. Nor do I want to! I am guilty of possessing many talents, aptitudes, and proficiencies, yet dumb myself down to the general public to save face and give everyone a platform of superiority above me so they will like me. %0D %0D You sound like a decent human being and I hope your self-esteen improves to the point where you will allow your light to shine.

by Anonymousreply 152May 2, 2011 11:17 PM

I'm "the good boy," "Mr. Innocent" to all my friends and family. Little do they know I'm an online sex addict and have been fucked by hundreds of random men.

by Anonymousreply 153May 3, 2011 2:30 AM

[quote]I am ugly. This is not some overblown self criticism. I embody asymmetry at its finest. I know it...I know others see it. I am unable to let anyone close to me intimately. I expect to one day die alone, lonely, never having loved or been loved%0D %0D Your spirit lies from within, I'm sure you're a very lovely person inside and out.

by Anonymousreply 154May 3, 2011 2:36 AM

uhhh my girlfriend cheated on me..i secretly wanna smash her face in.

by Anonymousreply 155May 3, 2011 3:57 AM

It bothers me when I read the posts of all the idiots on datalounge with personality disorders and low intelligence, even freepers, and they all have jobs and I don't. It's like a kind of "reverse natural selection" where only the psychotic failures prosper.%0D

by Anonymousreply 156May 3, 2011 4:05 AM

Dump the cunt.

by Anonymousreply 157May 3, 2011 4:06 AM

R155 Have you ever cheated?

by Anonymousreply 158May 3, 2011 4:46 AM

I just called in sick, although I%E2%80%99m perfectly fine. Well, suicidal, but that%E2%80%99s nothing new. I feel so guilty and scared.

by Anonymousreply 159May 3, 2011 7:53 AM

Some porn heir just propositioned me at the gas station. I turned him down.

by Anonymousreply 160May 3, 2011 9:39 AM

Okay, I guess I'm stupid, but what is a "porn heir"?

by Anonymousreply 161May 4, 2011 3:20 AM

I'm a chick who is 5'7" and weighs 380 lbs.

I'm eating myself to death.

by Anonymousreply 162May 4, 2011 3:40 AM

aw r162 hugs.

by Anonymousreply 163May 4, 2011 3:43 AM

Poor thing. Are you depressed, R162? You might have an eating disorder and there is treatment for it if you are in a position to take advantage of it.

by Anonymousreply 164May 4, 2011 3:56 AM

I asked a supposed straight guy out who I thought was gay, thinking he was interested, and I evoked such hate and vitriol from the guy that he practically imploded.

by Anonymousreply 165May 4, 2011 4:19 AM

I don't have health insurance. My family is bugging me to see a doctor about my allergies but I just have to ride it out. Out of work six months & counting now...

by Anonymousreply 166May 4, 2011 5:30 AM

R162, tell your family and friends to disallow you from eating bad food. Tell them to get on you to walk on a treadmill. Get a treadmill, seriously!

Easier said than done, but the first step is to tell them that these things need to happen.

by Anonymousreply 167May 4, 2011 5:38 AM

R125 and R128, same boat but older. 53.

by Anonymousreply 168May 4, 2011 5:43 AM

bump

by Anonymousreply 169May 4, 2011 11:06 AM

I would love, for the first time ever, if somebody in my life who has or had hurt me to say their sorry. That would probably change my life and I would finally feel like a human being.

by Anonymousreply 170May 4, 2011 2:37 PM

[quote]I asked a supposed straight guy out who I thought was gay, thinking he was interested, and I evoked such hate and vitriol from the guy that he practically imploded.

Sounds to me like the guy reall is gay, R165.

by Anonymousreply 171May 5, 2011 3:53 AM

Last year I separated from my partner of more than 10 years. We made it permanent earlier this spring. Everyone who knows us was shocked. I haven't said anything to our friends and they haven't pried.

What they don't know is he's been in treatment for sex addiction since 2009. If I doubted it was a real addiction before, I don't now. We were never completely monogamous (don't ask, don't tell) but this compulsion built up over time, like an alcoholic losing all control.

My ex doesn't take drugs or drink, but he can't stop tricking. He's almost been arrested several times, came close to losing his job, and did lose out on an advanced degree. Once I had to go to the ER and he couldn't be found (his phone was shut off). I caught crabs from him. I'd come home to freshly laundered sheets when we'd just changed the bed two days before. Naturally I began to shut off emotionally and turned into a pretty horrible nag myself. We stopped sleeping together.

Late in the addiction he developed a stalker he had tricked with and the guy started sending presents to the house in an attempt to break us up (that ended quickly when I called the guy on the phone and said "You want Mark? He's all yours. Come and get him, and I mean right now, because he's moving in with you tonight").

One day, after months of hanging-by-his-fingernails sexual sobriety and Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings every day, he came home looking (and smelling) like he'd been in an orgy. He went in the bathroom and threw up. At that point, I realized what it was like to "hit bottom." I saw the picture like an outsider would and told him to leave that night.

We didn't see each other for three months. Finally we met in a therapist's office. We went about 8 times and talked. He seemed to be getting better, but it was too late. I didn't love him as a partner any more. When he realized it couldn't be fixed, he fell apart.

As a last favor, he asked me not to contact him again - said he was ashamed and it would be too painful. I honored that. I haven't talked to him for two months. I have no idea how he's doing, what he's doing, if he's doing. No idea what he told his family. This from someone I shared everything with for 11 years.

No one knows any of this (except the strangers in his 12-step group). They just know we aren't together any more.

by Anonymousreply 172May 5, 2011 4:26 AM

r170 I know it's not the same, but on behalf of humans i apologize for all the assholes who have hurt you. I hope it never happens again. Hugs.

by Anonymousreply 173May 5, 2011 4:45 AM

Lol thank you, R173. I knew somebody was going to do that. I appreciate it. See, it helped, I smiled.

by Anonymousreply 174May 5, 2011 12:29 PM

My boyfriend refuses to suck my dick. Always has. So I get it sucked in steam rooms and from a hot, bodybuilder massage guy I go to once a month. I used to have a conscience about this. But not anymore.

by Anonymousreply 175May 5, 2011 12:49 PM

I've had sex for money before, even though I have plenty of money already. At the time it was a thrill and an ego boost, but when I think about it now I feel dirty.

by Anonymousreply 176May 5, 2011 12:55 PM

I'm r105 and I don't think I realized how fucked up the unemployment thing is until I read that. I did some real thinking and decided to stop collecting unemployment and get on the books. I actually was looking for work for a while, but the interviews I went on were soul crushing, then I started thinking of alternate paths.

I also didn't recognize how bad it really was until I did some googling. I'm nervous as hell now because within 6 months I'll be totally out of $$, but I should be able to take the GREs and do my grad applications and find another part time job by then.

I'm nervous about $$ but glad to not be doing it anymore. It was playing with fire. And I'm ashamed of it. You guys are bitches, but I needed the reality check.

by Anonymousreply 177May 5, 2011 1:26 PM

I'm 23 and I feel like I have arrested development. I still live at home with my mother, and while it is mostly because she is fully disabled with PTSD and TBI, (someone tried to murder her when she was at work when I was 14) it's also because I don't want to live alone and I don't want to pay rent when I can save the money and have the disposable income to enjoy things like going out to concerts, theaters, and restaurants a few times a month. I do help her out with many things and I have since I was a teen, though I don't pay her rent or directly contribute to utilities. I do pay for everything else in my life otherwise, and I pay her cell phone bill.

I got my BA a year ago this month and I finally got work in my field in March and will expect to gross about $30K this year, which I thought when I was a freshmen in college would be a decent livable income. My mother even raised myself and two siblings on less as a single mother, but when I budget out all of my expenses I still don't feel like I have enough money to pay down debt comfortably as well as pay rent, whether it be to her or anyone else. It doesn't help that when she gets pissed at me for whatever reason, she reminds me that I don't pay rent and threatens to kick me out. It makes me feel spoiled and inept, like I'm taking advantage of my disabled mother. And to top it off, she still does my laundry even though I've asked her to stop and let me do it. I know this is a shitty excuse, but she really does get to it before I even think to do it and it saves me time to do shit like sit on datalounge.

I'm hoping that the next opportunity for a serious relationship will light a fire under my ass and get me to move out so I can feel like an adult, granted someone will see past that I'm kinda a loser that still lives with her mother. I've always scorned UHaul syndrome, but I might fucking jump for it if given the chance. On the other hand that leaves my mother living alone when she really should have someone around, and my other siblings are no help in this situation so I'm rather torn.

I've also finally admitted to myself that I need a therapist to talk to about my relatively fucked up childhood and current issues, but I need health insurance to cover it otherwise I'll never be able to fucking move out.

Oh well, at least it's going to be sunny this weekend... and I plan on riding my bike to the art museum with a friend (it's free on Saturdays).

by Anonymousreply 178May 5, 2011 2:36 PM

Stop beating yourself up R178. You've at least got your foot in the door in your chosen field. No one ever thinks their first, entry level job pays a decent wage. When I got mine fresh out of college @ 22 y/o way back in the day (yikes, 1985) it only paid $15k. I was appalled and embarrassed to be making so little with a college degree. But I worked hard and got promotions and eventually ended up making 6 figs by the time I was 30. The key is to work harder and be more committed than any of your peers and you will sail past them. There are so many slackers of your generation. Someone who shows drive and ambition really stands out. %0D %0D Don't worry about living at home either. It's a great way to save money at your age. Ask your employer to allocate a certaing amount to go right into a savings account so you never see it. Maybe you can do a little more for your mom in terms of home maintenance, errands, cooking & cleaning, etc. Make it so she sees it as a win/win to have you there.%0D %0D You're doing great. Good luck. %0D %0D

by Anonymousreply 179May 5, 2011 3:14 PM

when I was about 14, I used to let my dog eat my cum off my stomach.

by Anonymousreply 180May 5, 2011 3:29 PM

OMG that poor dog.

by Anonymousreply 181May 5, 2011 3:38 PM

That's animal cruelty.

by Anonymousreply 182May 5, 2011 3:59 PM

xoxo R162%0D %0D R155, How'd you find out? Did you dump her yet?

by Anonymousreply 183May 6, 2011 2:21 AM

R175:

honey? is that you?

by Anonymousreply 184May 6, 2011 3:29 AM

My sibling and nieces and parents went on a trip. I was invited, but declined. While they were away I had this dream that they all died on the plane ride home.

In the dream I inherited a ton of money and paid off my debt and moved to a foreign country and perversely enjoyed the attention and sympathy I received.

I feel like a horrible person for having this dream, because I do love my family dearly.

by Anonymousreply 185May 6, 2011 3:48 AM

R180 that's disgusting. Poor little dog.

R162 Hugs. Have you recently gained all this weight? Are you depressed? Slow and steady wins the race when it comes to dieting. But that's easier said than done when you don't yet have the mind set in place to accomplish that goal. I hope things get better for you, sweetie.

R155 That sucks. Keep your chin up, hon. Having feelings of anger is totally normal given the circumstances. So don't beat yourself up about it. IME, when she's cheating on you with one, there is probably a slew more instances that you don't know about just yet. So prepare yourself for more to come to light either through her, or others. Once there is a lost of trust everything is pretty much gone out the window. Good luck to you. I'd be out the door.

by Anonymousreply 186May 6, 2011 6:36 AM

Oh, and my confession. I have an extreme attraction to gingers. Both men and women. I want to marry Prince Harry .... and I'm a lesbian. :)

by Anonymousreply 187May 6, 2011 6:37 AM

R187,%0D %0D I have a very butch lesbian friend who mentions quite a bit that she wants to sleep with a certain male coworker. And only this particular male. Is this common among lesbians?

by Anonymousreply 188May 6, 2011 6:45 AM

R188, I have no idea. I'm not butch (does it even matter?) Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I'm really just bisexual and not a lesbian.

Certain men though really do it for me - attraction wise. It's very rare, but it happens with me. Prince Harry is one of the ones on the top of my list. I don't think it is too common with lesbians.

This isn't common amongst my lesbian friends as far as I know - although I don't think most of us would talk about it so freely for fear of being criticized, or "auto-labeled" as bisexual, by other lesbians.

by Anonymousreply 189May 6, 2011 6:59 AM

I'm a mess. It's an accumulation of so many things over the course of my life and well... I'm finally realizing it. I find people that are so called "together" or "normal" boring as all hell and am drawn to people with issues.... if for no other reason than they make me feel normal. Ugh.

by Anonymousreply 190May 6, 2011 7:13 AM

[quote]am drawn to people with issues.... if for no other reason than they make me feel normal.

And I take it that's not working out so well? Why would you use other people who are a mess to feel better about being a mess? Why not just use your energy to work on yourself instead?

I find people with tons of issues draining, and that's worse than boring - it's exhausting. And more times than not, their issues are completely self-inflicted.

by Anonymousreply 191May 6, 2011 7:26 AM

Until recently I thought I was ready to be a parent. I'm finally secure financially to do so. It may sound selfish, but what also comes along with that is I finally NOW have freedom to do what I want.

I feel like there is now so much I want to do, and I can't be tied down to a child. Being a parent needs to wait at least a few years.

Unfortunately, I'm getting older, and technically I don't have that time to wait. I made an appointment today with the doctor to begin the process to see if I can freeze my eggs. I don't know anyone who has done this before, but it doesn't hurt to try.

by Anonymousreply 192May 7, 2011 3:26 AM

I get a boner whenever I watch the three most recent Harry Potter movies. That guy who plays Ron is beyond sexy.

by Anonymousreply 193May 7, 2011 3:34 AM

[quote]Until recently I thought I was ready to be a parent. I'm finally secure financially to do so. It may sound selfish, but what also comes along with that is I finally NOW have freedom to do what I want. %0D %0D It's a lot more selfish to have a child you don't want.

by Anonymousreply 194May 7, 2011 7:01 AM

[quote]freeze my eggs%0D %0D %0D %0D Why does it have to be your bio child? Hold off and adopt later.

by Anonymousreply 195May 7, 2011 9:49 AM

Yours didn't have to be a confession R187. People love dick. It would be strange not to.

by Anonymousreply 196May 7, 2011 10:19 AM

bump

by Anonymousreply 197May 11, 2011 5:09 AM

I don't get the ginger hate. Except for the occasional Carrot Top-like character, most of the redheads I've known have been beautiful, male and female.

by Anonymousreply 198May 12, 2011 7:39 AM

I'm 50, and I feel like my life has been a failure. I've always been attracted to intelligent and successful people even though I never got a bachelor's degree. I'm worried that I might have early-onset dementia or Alzheimer's. I sometimes blurt out nonsense words in public.

by Anonymousreply 199May 13, 2011 1:09 AM

Don't worry R199. I'm also 50 and I did get a bachelor's degree, but that's all I've done really so it's even worse because I have that and still couldn't be a success. (I have to say though that I'm not giving up and have goals to reach by age 60.)

About the "early dementia or Alzheimer's" I would worry about that, but you owe yourself to see doctors or get information/checking for this so that if you do have it you can treat it so it won't affect your life as much. Get help!

by Anonymousreply 200May 15, 2011 4:07 AM

v

by Anonymousreply 201May 22, 2011 5:06 AM

I've never told the truth.

by Anonymousreply 202May 22, 2011 5:14 AM

I'm pretty well known. Once a young fan asked me for my autograph and I kicked her, breaking her vagina bone.

by Anonymousreply 203May 22, 2011 5:27 AM

Where to start. I'm a gay guy and have had trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder) since I was a teenager and now in my late 30's, it's not much better. I pull out my eyebrows...it's like OCD, can't stop it, hard to describe it, and I HATE it. I used to have thick dark eyebrows and now they are sparse, and I use an eyebrow pencil to fill in the rest. I also buy products online that supposedly increase eyebrow growth. The one I use costs $120 for 4 ounces but I keep pulling. When I was cleaning up my office, and swapping out my keyboard, I saw probably HUNDREDS of eyebrows I had pulled out over the years, when I flipped my keyboard over to clean it. I was disgusted and very sad. Nobody knows I do this and I am too scared to go on any sort of anti-depressant that is the normal course of treatment for this.

I am also heartbroken over a failed relationship. I was seeing this guy for about 2 months (I know) but since we were both between projects for work, we were able to spend a TON of time together and were inseparable and it was MAGICAL, really. Heaven...amazing, sweet, hours just lying in bed together talking, sharing, terrific sex, I really thought he was going to be THE ONE. When I left Atlanta to travel to LA for 5 days for work something sort of changed. And sure enough, when I was finally back in town he told me he met someone new, who is super hot. :(

The truth is, after even a very intense 6 weeks, we shouldn't have been talking about commitments, etc. But HE was the one that kept pressing me about it. HE was the one who said he was scared that I would break his heart. HE was the one that said he loved waking up next to me and that he couldn't wait to love me and build a life with me. He was the one who said I probably wasn't serious about him. It's like, he was SO SO SO into me (and I was into him too, and he knew it) and then all of a sudden he wasn't, and I can't figure out what changed or what happened. Believe me, I'm not one to fall that fast, but I'm having a hard time sort of getting over this. Fortunately, we don't have a lot of friends in common so we likely won't run into each other, but I'm just sad. Sad that he met someone new, sad that the new guy is such a catch, and kind of feeling stupid and very depressed. And pulling my brows out like crazy (depression is a trigger for hair pulling). The good thing is I haven't contacted him at all. In the past, I would have, but I've stopped any sort of contact with him, hid him on facebook and dont check to see what he's up, or who with.

To compensate for these lonely feelings, I have been having a ton of sex. CRAZY amount. 5 people in 4 days last weekend and 2 people during the week....all strangers and yes, it was HOT, but it was so meaningless....these guys don't care about me at all. And even one of them, we were talking afterwards and I said, we should grab drinks sometime, and he said, 'why?' and looked like I had 2 heads. Very sad.

My friends are supportive but think I'm being stupid and silly for being heartbroken, so I don't feel like talking to them about it.

by Anonymousreply 204May 22, 2011 7:08 AM

I have OCD too R.204 and it's horrible. There was some news last week about people using Latisse for their eyebrows in addition to their eyelashes. HOpe that helps and good luck

by Anonymousreply 205May 22, 2011 7:27 AM

I can give myself head. I've been able to do so since I was 17. I'm 5'7 and i'm 8.5 inches long. I don't do it often though I could, it's just. the actual act, in the middle of it I some times stop and think "Dude, you're sucking yourself!" and then I stop. And for those of you thinking it, No I never cum in my face when I do it. Some of my friends have joked about the idea of the act numerous times and I just laugh while knowing in my head "I can actually blow myself."

by Anonymousreply 206May 22, 2011 7:35 AM

It's not stupid at all r204. My ex was very similar, only now he's with someone very ugly and even pimply. It just confuses me. Hugs. I bet you're much hotter than you think.

by Anonymousreply 207May 22, 2011 7:38 AM

R204, what substance do you buy online for eyebrow growth? I have the same problem of pulling out my eyebrow hair.

by Anonymousreply 208May 22, 2011 8:40 AM

R204 as sad as it is your ex sounds a needy emotional-slut who has probably done this same act to every guy before you. Ive been there, they are the worst kind of people to fall in love with because they are fucked up beyond repair and as a result will never love you back as much as they lie and delude themselves into thinking they are. They go through guys constantly trying to find the one person to "fix them" and and get off on love, feeding lies to every guy "its a special connection! do you feel that too? etc" cause they hate themselves and need everyone to love or worship them. They lie about emotions cause they have none. Its easy to get lost in their bullshit and it takes a while to get over but you will get over it. You're better off, trust me.

by Anonymousreply 209May 22, 2011 10:10 AM

r204, try N-Acetyl-Cystine

by Anonymousreply 210May 22, 2011 10:26 AM

I have a significant other who has issues with food. We have been together for 10 years and he can only eat a few things, mostly bad food (steak, chicken fingers) but he can't eat fruit and vegetables. In fact he vomits when he tries to eat these things. it has really affected our relationship and I'm thinking of leaving. BTW he has had various medical problems because of it(gallbladder, early signs of Diabetes). He is slowly killing himself.

by Anonymousreply 211May 22, 2011 2:06 PM

R204 here. First, thanks everyone for your support! I do appreciate it.

R208: It's called LiBrow and I am honestly not sure if it works, but I think it does. The eyebrows feel thicker, which is why I pull them out again, but a lot of people swear by it. There are other less-expensive products out there, if you search amazon, but I figured if it's the most expensive it should be the best (talk about desperation). I hope it helps. This condition SUCKS and truly makes no sense at all.

Everyone

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 212May 22, 2011 3:40 PM

I was sexually as a child by a teenage cousin (male). And at the time I enjoyed it and didn't thinking anything was wrong. I lived in an extended family with my mom, her sisters and brothers and my grandma. One night, while he was sleeping, I gave my uncle a blowjob. He enjoyed it, he was playing like he was asleep. The next morning though he told me not to ever do that again! So that became our little secret.

by Anonymousreply 213May 22, 2011 3:46 PM

Can someone recommend a product to use to combat premature baldness?

by Anonymousreply 214May 22, 2011 3:49 PM

r202, you're lying!

by Anonymousreply 215May 22, 2011 3:51 PM

R204, R209 is right on. Forget about that dude.

by Anonymousreply 216May 23, 2011 3:27 AM

I hate my job, I hate my body, I hate New York, I hate my self-sabotaging behavior, I hate my laziness, I hate my cowardice, I hate how I spend money I don't have on things I don't need, I hate that I waste time on Datalounge, I hate that I'm a liar, I hate my friends - not hate, exactly, but mistrust - I hate the awful sublet apartment where I have to go out into the hall to get to the bathroom because otherwise I'd have to walk through my roommate's bedroom, I hate my eating habits, I hate my constant lame feeling of disappointment in myself, I hate that I always make the easiest choices, I hate my smugness, I don't like my parents, guilt is not the same as love, guilt is an excuse not to love.

by Anonymousreply 217May 23, 2011 3:35 AM

I sell myself short over and over again. I know I am so much better than the situation I am in yet I don't change it. I date people who don't have their shit together and then get disappointed. I accept jobs that are low-paying. I put myself at risk, or through stress and turmoil because I am too afraid of changing the situation. I deserve so much better and can have nice things but somehow I've worked myself into a big mess. My whole life feels like one big train wreck and full of a lot of crazy. Deep down I don't want a part of any of it but just cannot make changes for fear of hurting someone or losing what I don't even want. I did have a very calm, secure, leisurely childhood so I wonder if I started to seek out the difficult and emotionally agonizing as a way of making sure I am never bored and always "interesting".

by Anonymousreply 218May 23, 2011 7:26 AM

Telling secrets: what one knows, nobody knows. What two know, everybody knows!

by Anonymousreply 219May 23, 2011 8:07 AM

I don't like my parents and I don't like my partner's parents. If it weren't for family obligation and a massive amount of guilt, I wouldn't have anything to do with them.

And they aren't "toxic" or nasty people or anything -- I just don't like them.

by Anonymousreply 220May 23, 2011 8:29 AM

R218, I was hesitant to reply, but here it goes:

You need to take a good look at yourself, and stop self sabotaging certain aspects of your life. It does you more harm than good, and you know that. It's a vicious cycle, it not only hurts other people you bring into your life - because, when it comes down to it - you don't even want them. It also hurts yourself.

By continue to do this - the only direction you are going is downward. It isn't fun now is it?

[quote]I wonder if I started to seek out the difficult and emotionally agonizing as a way of making sure I am never bored and always "interesting".

You won't come off as interesting to anyone of substance when the practicalities of your life are in such massive disarray. I wouldn't even go as far as to say your seeking out the difficult - because that would be taking risks, which is something you are not doing. You freely admit that you're too afraid of changing your situation - so you remain stagnant, because that's the easiest thing to do. That is why you continue to marinate in stress and turmoil - it's the easy way out. It's the laziest thing you can do for yourself.

You're doing yourself a huge disservice - because life full of stress and misery is a horrible way to live. Not just for you, but for the people who are involved in your life. I'm sure it's stressful for them too.

by Anonymousreply 221May 24, 2011 1:43 AM

I confess to going commando 99.999% of the time. Less laundry.

FWIW R218:

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 222May 27, 2011 7:42 AM

In all you wrote, R221, you gave no advice to R218 on how to change his situation. What is the point of your post?

by Anonymousreply 223May 27, 2011 1:33 PM

If I got cancer or HIV or some other terminal illness, I'd decline treatment. I envy my cousin who got cancer and died at 37. She had a husband and two kids. I have no one and am useless. I should have been the one to get cancer and die.

by Anonymousreply 224May 27, 2011 3:41 PM

R223, I guess I don't really have any worthwhile advice to give R218. R218 reminds me of someone so much, the resemblance is remarkable, actually. Which is why I posted, but there was no point to it - I should have posted actually.

It's just sad to see someone, who at his (or her) core, is probably pretty intelligent, goal-oriented, most likely fundamentally kind, who also has a caring supportive family - self destruct for no real reason.

But I guess there are reasons clearly stated there. They just aren't your typical reasons - like drug addictions, alcohol abuse. etc. Those are more concrete, so I can understand those I guess, But the ones R218 gives - I can't understand them.

Maybe R218 secretly enjoys drama and problems, maybe it's what makes him/her tick, or to get attention, I don't know. But it seems extreme to continually seek it out when in the end it does nothing but inflict harm and stress - or as R218 says "a train wreck of a lot of crazy". I guess it is sort of like an addiction? But not your typical kind.

Anyway, good luck to you R218. I have no advice for you though.

by Anonymousreply 225May 27, 2011 7:12 PM

.

by Anonymousreply 226September 13, 2011 12:20 AM

I was fucked by a catholic priest for 5 years and never told anyone. I was 12 when it started.

by Anonymousreply 227October 9, 2011 12:21 AM

Whatever I do, it's only a short while until there's something missing, an emptiness to it. Most of the time, the world seems a very empty, lonely place. I'm terrified of being abandoned, and that fear fucks up my head, so I live a life mostly spent on my own, because then I don't have to face being let down or abandoned if there aren't people in my life to do that.

They say that if it doesn't break you, it'll make you. Well it sure has shit made me, for sure.

by Anonymousreply 228October 9, 2011 12:48 AM

I am R77's cousin.

by Anonymousreply 229October 9, 2011 12:50 AM

bump

by Anonymousreply 230October 11, 2011 5:25 AM

bump

by Anonymousreply 231October 12, 2011 4:47 AM

g

by Anonymousreply 232October 12, 2011 4:49 AM

My admission is that I love this thread. And I want it to continue.

by Anonymousreply 233October 13, 2011 4:00 AM

When I was 17 and in my final year of high school my mom kicked me out so that she could work on her relationship with my step-father. I went to live with my dad, who frankly didn't really know how to take care of himself let alone another person.

I went off the rails and ended up doing a lot of meth. I even started whoring myself. After about 2 months, I was raped and physically assaulted. I gave everything up after that and started to fix myself. Ever since that night I havn't even looked at drugs again.

Now at 24, I've completely turned myself around. I'm finishing my bachelor's degree this year, I'm doing a bit of modelling and I work in a good company, albeit for a low wage. I'm very smart, speak 4 languages, I'm caring and generous to all my friends, who are amazing people. Everyone says what a catch I am.

But here's the thing: I cant connect romantically. I go on dates, have sex with hot guys (not too frequently, but often enough), but I can't connect to guys emotionally at all. Because I think they're crazy for wanting me. Even though they couldn't possibly know what I've done in my life I still think they're foolish and weak. And I've never told anyone any of this.

by Anonymousreply 234October 13, 2011 7:52 AM

I ate the canned frosting....

by Anonymousreply 235October 13, 2011 10:34 AM

To all the people on this thread who are truly suffering - why aren't you getting counseling? WHY?????

by Anonymousreply 236October 13, 2011 1:03 PM

Save me from myself.

by Anonymousreply 237October 14, 2011 5:02 AM

I got lost in a dream.

by Anonymousreply 238October 14, 2011 5:14 AM

Yikes, r228, I could have written your post.

by Anonymousreply 239October 14, 2011 6:31 AM

i am incapable of monogamy.

by Anonymousreply 240October 14, 2011 6:51 AM

I think I have a touch of Asperger's. Or maybe it's just really poor social skills that I can't figure out how to change.

The only family member I have who likes me at all is my mother. My father, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins all have written me off and don't see or speak to me at all.

I have no real friends, though I do have two sort-of friends, but both of them live in other cities, and any time we spend any time together at all, our friendship starts to fall apart.

I have a whole act I do at work, pretending to be friendly and polite and making people think they are my friends. But I hate most of them and have no interest in whether they live or die.

I hate sex with other people, though sometimes when it has been so long I forget how much I dislike it, I will have sex with some guy, and I usually want it to be over before we really get started. If I'm able to stay with it until we both come, I want out immediately and can't even pretend I ever want to see them again.

I've had three bfs in my life. One lasted five months, one about three or four months, the last one only a month before he started to repel me. But each of them was very attractive and a total sweetheart. All three of them wanted a long-term relationship with me and were stunned when I dumped them for no reason. But I just couldn't stand having them near me, wanting sex all the time.

I don't think there's any hope that I can change. I've decided to live my life alone and with occasional rare anonymous sexual encounters.

by Anonymousreply 241October 14, 2011 6:53 AM

I lie about things at Datalounge all the time and pretend to be a person that I am not. And I enjoy constantly stirring the pot with conspiracy theory nonsense.

by Anonymousreply 242October 16, 2011 12:52 AM

I'm a slut.

by Anonymousreply 243October 16, 2011 1:20 AM

R218 here. Huh. Since that post, things have actually gotten so much worse. Sometimes I don't think I'll make it through the day.

by Anonymousreply 244October 16, 2011 1:38 AM

bump

by Anonymousreply 245October 17, 2011 8:47 AM

1. I'm a guy who has hair pulling syndrome, Trichotillomania which is a form of OCD and I pull out my eyebrows. Can't stop; and they used to be SO full and now they're thin and sparse and I used eyebrow pencil to fill in the missing parts. Nobody can tell but I can. They have anti-depressants that are supposed to help but I don't want to go on them.

2. My mother suffers from deep depression and as I'm getting older into my mid 30s, Im starting to get it worse too. I very rarely make time to hang out with friends, mostly just stay in my apt and avoid most social interaction. And lately I've started having unprotected sex. I know its directly related to my depression and not caring and it makes no sense at all but I'm doing it as an insertive top. I am going to try to stop it because I have to.

3. The last guy I dated dumped me after being absolutely crazy about me and telling me he couldn't wait to love me and that has really been difficult for me to move past, even tho it was only 2 months. He now has a new bf for several months and it really stings. I see the asshole at the gym and he's not even cute but he has the guy that I was hoping to be with. Really sucks.

by Anonymousreply 246October 17, 2011 9:41 AM

r246, Alpha-Lipoic-Acid has helped a lot people with Trichotillomania. Why not try it?

by Anonymousreply 247October 17, 2011 11:01 AM

bump

by Anonymousreply 248October 19, 2011 3:31 AM

R3 yes it does sound as though you're bisexual.

by Anonymousreply 249October 19, 2011 3:36 AM

Sometimes I just wanna grab that dumpy Jew bitch by the hair and smash the computer and her wedding photos with her head. You can keep your snarky comments to yourself and you're not half as credible as you think you are. I don't care about your wedding and never will. In fact I pity the poor man that put a ring on your finger.

I want to go into the CEO's office and just slap him right across the face and say "Fuck. You. You fat Cunt.". He's the first arsehole one I've ever worked for. The way I've seen him talk to people, the way he treats them, who the fuck does he think he is? Seriously, talk to me like that and I will let you know what's up.

I want to confront my own manager and make him admit he has no idea what the fuck he is doing or what he's got himself into, because it's obvious he lied on his resume. It's been close to a month and he's never asked what I've been working on. Yes, I am counting the days, and yes it's me that's been accessing your computer and correcting all your work for you, although you probably think you did it right the first time.

I've only known these people for 3 MONTHS! How did it get so bad this fast?!?!

by Anonymousreply 250October 19, 2011 5:06 AM

I don't know how to text message!!!!

by Anonymousreply 251October 26, 2011 3:19 AM

Sadness bump.

by Anonymousreply 252October 27, 2011 7:07 PM

If it wasn't for how most jobs drug test I'd be smoking pot and using all sorts of drugs now.

by Anonymousreply 253October 27, 2011 8:15 PM

I went to the movies yesterday morning and this cute guy sat about two seats away from me. He kept making eyes at me. About halfway thru the film he started playing with his cock, he ended up pulling it out. I sucked him off and he jerked me off. It was really hot. His pubes smelled really good. He must use a wonderful shampoo. Nice thick cock.

by Anonymousreply 254October 27, 2011 8:29 PM

[R254] What type of movie theater was this at? Hot!

by Anonymousreply 255October 27, 2011 9:38 PM

It was at the AMC Empire 25 in Times Square. It was pretty hot and I swallowed.

by Anonymousreply 256October 27, 2011 9:43 PM

You and about 90% of the people here, r242.

by Anonymousreply 257October 27, 2011 9:49 PM

Yes, R257. I always lie about my beliefs and pretend to believe in conspiracy theories. My opinions about things including politics and personal beliefs, are all lies I tell on DL.

by Anonymousreply 258October 27, 2011 10:00 PM

Which movie were you both watching R254?

by Anonymousreply 259October 27, 2011 11:09 PM

Probably The Lion King, R259.

by Anonymousreply 260October 27, 2011 11:13 PM

At the price of movie admission today, I hope they waited for "Coming Attractions" instead of missing parts of the movie.

by Anonymousreply 261October 28, 2011 2:58 AM

I still like cats. Stray cats are so amusing.

by Anonymousreply 262October 28, 2011 3:49 AM

I was a virgin until I was 49 (and I'm not a dog, either)

by Anonymousreply 263October 28, 2011 4:03 AM

This isn't a confession, but a prompt for other people's confessions: do any of you ever wish that you were literally not yourself, but a different person?

by Anonymousreply 264October 28, 2011 10:50 PM

The Skin I Live In, R259. Kinda fucked up film.

by Anonymousreply 265October 29, 2011 3:22 AM

I've eaten too much and I have a really terrible tummy ache.

by Anonymousreply 266October 29, 2011 3:33 AM

My tummy is bubbling and making a LOT of noise. Ohhhhh. OW, my tummy!

by Anonymousreply 267October 29, 2011 3:49 AM

Here goes:

I've never been in a meaningful relationship for more than 2 months. I just don't have the self-esteem.

I believe I may have been molested by my dad.

I have HPV (the virus that causes genital warts). I don't tell people I Hvae this.

For all outward appearances, I'm an in-shape, masculine good looking guy but I really don't like who I've become. Not sure who I ever wanted to grow up to be.

by Anonymousreply 268October 29, 2011 4:13 AM

I'm a rest area / truck stop / bathroom cruiser. I can't help it! I have a wonderful BF, supportive friends and family and a decent job, but I just have this....URGE....to suck / get sucked by strangers! NO butt sex---just BJ's. I don't know if it's the "danger" element involved ( the fear of being caught heightens my pleasure ) or if I'm just a horn dog!

by Anonymousreply 269October 29, 2011 4:28 AM

We're all losers at DL.

by Anonymousreply 270October 29, 2011 5:25 AM

R268 You are not alone. Except for the molestation by dad, I could relate.

by Anonymousreply 271October 29, 2011 5:49 AM

I wish that I felt valued for who I am(my truest essence), and that I finally was able to experience the emotional feeling of belonging. Even if these things were for a very short time, they would do me a world of good.

by Anonymousreply 272October 29, 2011 6:02 AM

I am heartbroken that 'My So-Called Life' only had one season, and it wasn't even a full season!

by Anonymousreply 273October 29, 2011 10:28 PM

My neighbor brought me homemade vegetable soup for dinner. So wonderful on an unexpectedly cold day.

by Anonymousreply 274October 30, 2011 12:31 AM

I haven't had sex since 1994. The last person I had sex with was a married guy who was actually married to a friend of mine and I guess the guilt has caused me to shut down for 17 years. Because of this I will never have kids and I live paycheck to paycheck because it is hard to survive as a single person. I've also gained 100 lbs over this time, probably to ensure that no one will be attracted to me.

I'm the saddest, loneliest person and no one knows because I hide it all.

by Anonymousreply 275October 30, 2011 12:41 AM

R275, do you know if the wife ever found out?

by Anonymousreply 276October 30, 2011 12:49 AM

Part of the reason I got involved with the guy was because I knew I was moving 3000 miles away in a couple of months, so somehow that made me think it wasn't that big a deal. However, I'm pretty sure she knew because a mutual friend saw me and the husband out at a bar. They got a divorce about 10 years later - he was cheating on her the whole time.

by Anonymousreply 277October 30, 2011 1:01 AM

Thanks, R277.

by Anonymousreply 278October 30, 2011 1:05 AM

There is someone I haven't seen in 10 years who I am dying to see. We no longer speak.

by Anonymousreply 279October 30, 2011 1:35 AM

Thank you [R271]. That brightened up my day!

by Anonymousreply 280October 30, 2011 5:00 AM

Why don't you speak to each other, R279?

by Anonymousreply 281October 30, 2011 5:06 AM

Yes, I would like to hear the details from r279, as well.

by Anonymousreply 282October 30, 2011 5:51 AM

[quote]Whatever I do, it's only a short while until there's something missing, an emptiness to it. Most of the time, the world seems a very empty, lonely place. I'm terrified of being abandoned, and that fear fucks up my head, so I live a life mostly spent on my own, because then I don't have to face being let down or abandoned if there aren't people in my life to do that.

This sounds like Avoidant PD. Have you sought help for it? I might help you a lot. Life is short, go for it.

by Anonymousreply 283October 30, 2011 6:02 AM

R283, I haven't read through this thread yet, but I must say that I completely empathized with the post you reported, and I am definitely avoidant. Good call on your part.

by Anonymousreply 284October 30, 2011 6:23 AM

reported = reposted

by Anonymousreply 285October 30, 2011 6:28 AM

I blurt out crazy things in public too, but in my case its not related to alzhimers. At least at my age I hope not. It's wierd because I don't usually realize until just after I blurt it or most of the way through the word, thought or phrase.

So wierd... otherwise, I am pretty normal.

by Anonymousreply 286October 30, 2011 6:43 AM

I'm speechless, reading this stuff.

Sorry, nothing to contribute.

Except, when I got those lemons I made a lot of lemonade.

by Anonymousreply 287October 30, 2011 6:54 AM

I'm not R279 but I also have people who I was good friends with who I haven't seen in more than a decade who I'd like to catch up with.

The one guy was in college and on track to getting a good degree, and got horribly addicted to cocaine, heroin, and other drugs and became a complete asshole alienating himself from everyone. I heard he got sober but how it was difficult for him and he relapsed a lot.

The other guy moved to NYC, went to NYU and got into tons of debt getting a film degree, does not even use that degree now at all, and now pretends that he was born and raised in a very dangerous area of Brooklyn when he is not even from NYC and didn't grow up there at all.

by Anonymousreply 288October 30, 2011 7:10 AM

R275 I sincerely hope you can forgive yourself. Yes it was your friend's husband and all, BUT you aren't the first to do it or the last and obviously you felt regret for your actions at the time. But, please stop punishing yourself for your past mistakes and we all make those. :)

Tell yourself it was wrong, but you did the best you could at the time -- now it's time to take care of yourself and move forward after 17 years. You deserve this for yourself!

by Anonymousreply 289October 30, 2011 7:31 AM

When people say that being gay is not a choice you are born gay, I always think but I would choose to v Be gay if it wasn't genetic. Because it is who I am.

I hate the Gay communities stance on adoption.I was adopted and totally wa fucked up by it.

I would love to be a slut bareback ect but have no guts

by Anonymousreply 290October 30, 2011 10:20 AM

I worry that my feminist leanings come from not my own personal choice but the fact I have a bad relationship with my father.Who can be quite an asshole at times who ironically had a terrible relationship with his mother.

Which I suppose makes me a stereotypical man-hater. Oh well.

by Anonymousreply 291October 30, 2011 11:04 AM

I'm 57 and sleep with a security blanket which I call Babbit.

by Anonymousreply 292October 30, 2011 1:57 PM

"I worry that my feminist leanings come from not my own personal choice but the fact I have a bad relationship with my father.Who can be quite an asshole at times who ironically had a terrible relationship with his mother.

Which I suppose makes me a stereotypical man-hater. Oh well."

You're not fucked up because you resent a man who apparently hasn't been kind to you. Women don't HAVE to always make excuses for men's poor behavior. That doesn't make anyone a "man-hater".

by Anonymousreply 293October 30, 2011 2:04 PM

um thanks r293 but I think I'll have that little bit of doubt in the back of my mind.Earliest male role-model and all that.

by Anonymousreply 294October 30, 2011 6:38 PM

I feel stuck but nobody notices, nor would they care if they did notice. I fear that nothing will change unless someone else helps me and wants to listen to me explain what is wrong. I have an enormously hard time discussing my feelings, and I'd have to talk a week straight to explain everything. I feel like I was left behind, and nobody cares.

by Anonymousreply 295October 30, 2011 9:31 PM

Flesh wounds make me come.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 296October 30, 2011 9:38 PM

fuck it mike scott's(waterboys) voice can make me cry.Apparently my mom went through a phase of to listening to him when she was pregger with me. Make what you will of that.

by Anonymousreply 297October 30, 2011 9:43 PM

bump

by Anonymousreply 298October 31, 2011 7:24 AM

I understand that, R295.

by Anonymousreply 299October 31, 2011 7:41 AM

R299, what should we do? I fear I'll be misinterpreted and that they'll have no emotional understanding of what I'm talking about, and then they'll think I'm exaggerating my problems. My internal world is so hard to describe that it seems like I'm speaking a different language to them.

by Anonymousreply 300October 31, 2011 7:46 AM

I love Sissy Spacek's ridiculous nosejob.

by Anonymousreply 301October 31, 2011 7:47 AM

The world would be a better a place if all of you morons with IQs under 165 were just euthanized for your own good and the good of the rest of us who have working brains.

by Anonymousreply 302October 31, 2011 10:15 AM

I love old 70s music, but I really this piece of music from THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE. Sometimes when I'm alone, I'll get up and dance to it.

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 303October 31, 2011 11:58 AM

It's super high-IQ spergs who have created the winner-take-all, overscaled nightmare our world has become.

The best leaders tend to have more modest IQ scores between 120 and 140. There are exceptions, like Thomas Jefferson. The ability to see other people as something more than insects is important.

R302: Fuck you, cunt. And watch your back. Be sure the people around you are secretly plotting against your unbearable ass.

by Anonymousreply 304October 31, 2011 3:33 PM

My partner and I moved to New York from the west coast 9 years ago. We have a truly wonderful life here - a lovely home, great careers, friends who love us. Our secret?

We're brothers - and it gets harder to hide every year. We are scared to death that we'll lose everything if/when people find out.

by Anonymousreply 305October 31, 2011 3:48 PM

PLEASE tell us more r305.

by Anonymousreply 306October 31, 2011 5:19 PM

J'adore R305!

by Anonymousreply 307October 31, 2011 5:34 PM

We became lovers in high school and shared an apartment all through college. Our dad always thought we were too close, but I don't think he ever put 2+2 together; he died about 4 years ago. I changed my last name when we moved out here - our mom has been to visit us a couple of times, and I pretended that I didn't live in our apartment.

To our friends, our mom is my brother's mom. I've had to make up a whole family for myself - I made up a whole phony life story for myself and wrote it down in a notebook and studied it so that I could keep everything straight. Our friends make jokes about how much my partner & I look alike. We're not sure if they actually suspect something, or if we're just being paranoid.

The thing is, we've kept this going so long that we don't really think of ourselves as brothers anymore, most of the time. We feel terrible because we've started to openly (amongst ourselves) talk about how much easier this will be when our mother is dead. She's been dropping heavy hints about how she wants to come spend the holidays with us and our friends. Ugh.

by Anonymousreply 308October 31, 2011 6:12 PM

On days like today I think of death as relief. It will all finally be over.

by Anonymousreply 309October 31, 2011 6:17 PM

If only r305 and his brother were also murdering grifters, they'd be the perfect early 90's queercore flick.

by Anonymousreply 310October 31, 2011 6:39 PM

When I was in middle school I watched a certain tv program for the first time, developed an intense crush on the lead guy, so handsome and masculine, and for the rest of my life I have beaten off thinking about him. When I have sex, I think about him. It's an obsession I am ashamed of, but clearly when I was just coming of age, this guy did it all for me in a way that no man I have met since has done it.

I guess it's better than liking little boys or, for that matter, little girls.

by Anonymousreply 311October 31, 2011 6:58 PM

Frau confession here so if you don't like women pass by it.

I have a thing about being adopted. I have never felt loved by my adopted parents. I've always felt they just did what they had to do because they took on the responsibility of taking me in. Because of this I have issues with people men especially. Like other posters I too will end up alone and unloved.

I have never had a real friend and no one has every asked me to marry them. While it may not be too late for some it is for me because my heart has harden and it would take someone special to break through. Trust I won't waste time looking, I've grown tired of the hunt.

R68 talked about winning the lottery. I too have that dream. I want to win so I can make myself a nice lush cave and never come in contact with another human being again. I spend a lot of time depressed and in tears.

by Anonymousreply 312October 31, 2011 7:51 PM

i am a girl and i shit like a stallion..

almost killed the toilet at work with a shit like a builders forearm

my secret? i am proud i can shit like that and can rival any man in a 'shit-off'

by Anonymousreply 313October 31, 2011 8:16 PM

R312, the people here who hate 'fraus' are just jealous women haters. They think it's somehow more acceptable to hate women with families, so they cloak it with that.

No need to give them any heed.

by Anonymousreply 314November 1, 2011 3:57 AM

I'm in the same boat as R279, except that the length of time lapsed is only six years. Damn, we said some awful things to each other. Unforgivable things. I wish I could take it back. Maybe some day I'll get the chance to apologize.

by Anonymousreply 315November 1, 2011 4:30 AM

R305, that is some effed up sh@t.

by Anonymousreply 316November 1, 2011 4:42 AM

I'm getting the "I want to have sex with you" vibe from one of my straight appearing co-workers. This has happened to me before. Guys were very flirtatious with me when no one was around but I was too chicken to follow through with anything. This new guy is pretty hot and I plan on seeing if I can get a fbuddy out of this.

by Anonymousreply 317November 1, 2011 5:05 AM

Hey R315,

Do you think he or she might be on Facebook or some other form of social media?

I hope you get the chance to apologize someday.

by Anonymousreply 318November 1, 2011 5:50 AM

R313 funniest and most disgusting thing I many have ever read.Well done.

by Anonymousreply 319November 1, 2011 12:48 PM

R305 if that's true it's totally fucked up.

by Anonymousreply 320November 1, 2011 9:19 PM

I am laughing so hard at R313.

by Anonymousreply 321November 1, 2011 9:23 PM

I want to hear more from the brother-lovers.

by Anonymousreply 322November 1, 2011 9:34 PM

I think of suicide at least once a week but too chicken to carry it thru.

by Anonymousreply 323November 1, 2011 10:11 PM

I think of suicide several times a day.

by Anonymousreply 324November 1, 2011 10:35 PM

don't we all R324 don't we all....

by Anonymousreply 325November 1, 2011 10:41 PM

R305's situation is creepy. It's definitely not love that he shares with his brother, but some kind of twisted codependency. I think the dad molested both brothers and they bonded through that experience.

by Anonymousreply 326November 1, 2011 10:43 PM

Every time I think of something I've done imperfectly over the course of my entire life, my reaction is to think and even sometimes verbally say, "I wish I was dead." This happens many times a day and even multiple times an hour and I cant stop. It's been going on for 16 years.

by Anonymousreply 327November 1, 2011 10:49 PM

I think of suicide several times an hour. If only I could get hold of some potassium cyanide. Quick and painless.

by Anonymousreply 328November 1, 2011 10:54 PM

R327, I used to have that problem. It's OCD plus anxiety. When things went wrong, I would think, "I could put a gun in my mouth." And then I would visualize myself doing it over and over again. It was like a loop tape that I couldn't shut off.

I realized it was plain old OCD when I realized that I wasn't suicidal, just stuck in this dysfunctional pattern I had created for myself. I finally broke the pattern by subverting it. When I visualized putting the gun in my mouth, I would pull the trigger and a bouquet of flowers would come out. Things like that. So I would suggest that you find some positive variation on, "I wish I was dead." Like, "I wish I was dead broke, but I've got all this damn money to spend."

What ever you do, don't try to stop cold turkey because that will just make it worse.

by Anonymousreply 329November 1, 2011 11:02 PM

Thanks, r329. I'll try to do that. I was diagnosed as having Major Depressive Disorder and sometimes take Xanax for anxiety, but just keeps my head from exploding, doesn't stop the thoughts. I'll try your technique.

by Anonymousreply 330November 1, 2011 11:13 PM

I wish I could stop the constant thoughts of my perceived and real failures so I wouldn't even go into the I Wish I Was Dead thing, but I don't know how. It's like my mind has a homing beacon to self-recrimination and, left idle, it just runs there.

by Anonymousreply 331November 1, 2011 11:15 PM

Re 329 so what should I do if I think about IVing heroin?

I do not actually want to slam heroin or use it at all since I know it's not going to solve all of my problems and it will just create more of them.

I did wind up growing up around a lot of people who wound up getting horribly addicted to it. I never used heroin but I would sometimes take Percocets, codeine, and Vicodin but I never got addicted to them and have not used any in years.

by Anonymousreply 332November 1, 2011 11:16 PM

r332, my ex is a heroin addict. He's thrown every good thing in his life away for drugs. I wish you could have seen the abscess he had on his neck for nearly a year. He almost lost his arm a few weeks ago by trying to pop another abscess on his own. He can actually dig into the roots of his molars with a tooth pick through the top of the tooth. And spends most of his days drooling slumped against the wall. When we first met, he was one of the most creative, funny, smartest guys I've still ever met. And now he has brain damage and Hep C.

by Anonymousreply 333November 1, 2011 11:29 PM

R180, when I was a kid I once did the same thing, and then I fingered her to see what it felt like.

This is the thing I've done that I'm most ashamed of.

by Anonymousreply 334November 2, 2011 3:37 AM

I wish that I could cry for about five hours straight uninterrupted, and then I'd feel like I was floating on air afterwards because of the release.

by Anonymousreply 335November 2, 2011 4:41 AM

When I was little, I believed an urban legend that if a bird crapped on your head, you would die. I thought that bird crap was highly toxic for a few years.

by Anonymousreply 336November 2, 2011 4:44 AM

[quote]When I was little, I believed an urban legend that if a bird crapped on your head, you would die.

When I was little I was told that a bird crapping on you was a good luck charm.

by Anonymousreply 337November 2, 2011 4:50 AM

I am so sad that I want to jump into an aquarium.

by Anonymousreply 338November 2, 2011 5:44 AM

I am so emotionally repressed, that I only truly feel my emotions after getting drunk.

by Anonymousreply 339November 2, 2011 5:47 AM

I'm anemic royalty.

by Anonymousreply 340November 2, 2011 6:47 AM

f

by Anonymousreply 341November 5, 2011 2:37 AM

I love Phoenix from X-Men. She is so dark and powerful.

by Anonymousreply 342November 5, 2011 4:08 AM

For 36 years, I have lusted over the woman who was my freshman English teacher in high school. "Barbie" was a plus-sized woman who had the biggest breasts I've ever seen in my life. Every single day, she wore clothing so tight, you could see her panty line right down to the "V" of her crotch. And her huge breasts jiggled back and forth whenever she did something as simple as walking across her classroom.

For the year that I had her class, and the two years afterward (I had to move away at the end of my junior year), I used any excuse I could to sidle up to Barbie and make idle conversation with her, just so that I could be inches away from the body of my dreams. That I resisted every urge to kiss and fondle this woman's outrageous physique, I chalk up solely to divine intervention.

One day in class, Barbie left her suit jacket on a table at the far end of her classroom. While the rest of the class noisily worked on projects, I sneaked over to the table and fondled the jacket as much as I could. It was a pointless exercise, I know -- I just wanted to touch something that had been so close to that big, beautiful body. At one point, I looked across the room and saw Barbie, looking at me with a sickly smile on her face. It was then that I knew: If she didn't know that I wanted to make love to her, it was only because she didn't want to know.

Barbie, if you're reading this, I'd still make love to you now, even if you're in your seventies and wrinkled -- just out of gratitude for all the lustful memories you've given me. I'd be so grateful to take your big boobs in my mouth, and thrust myself inside you over and over until your beautiful body shook with the powerful, shuddering orgasm you deserve. I still masturbate to your yearbook photos and find myself climaxing to your glorious form.

by Anonymousreply 343November 6, 2011 6:57 PM

So, R343....you've been secretly straight for 36 years?? I don't get it.

by Anonymousreply 344November 6, 2011 7:03 PM

The longer I live, the more I believe that blacks are inferior and most are worse than animals. I live in DC and see items in the paper that make me cringe. Having worked with blacks, the only thing they do is stick together! They cover each other's mistakes when something goes awry. But, most of all, they lie about it.

Also, traveling the Metro is an absolute nightmare.

by Anonymousreply 345November 7, 2011 7:46 PM

R305 here.

My PARTNER and I love each other very much, and no our father did not molest us. We have a wonderful life except for this. Sadly, we're just going to have to distance ourselves from our mother. We simply cannot allow her to mess this up for us.

by Anonymousreply 346November 7, 2011 7:54 PM

Dude, you're fucking your brother!!!

by Anonymousreply 347November 7, 2011 7:58 PM

"I always knew there was something fishy about those two neighbor guys who looked alike and shared a last name."

by Anonymousreply 348November 7, 2011 8:01 PM

Say what you will. We are soul mates. I saw a psychic about this once. She told me my partner and I had been lovers throughout several previous lifetimes and that our souls were so attached to one another that we chose the same parents in this life so that we could be together for as long as possible in it.

And we do not share the same last name. I changed mine.

by Anonymousreply 349November 7, 2011 8:08 PM

You're fucking your brother and you believe in psychics...jesus christ!

by Anonymousreply 350November 7, 2011 8:13 PM

I fantasize about ending my 10-year relationship. All the time.

I am completely miserable and I feel like I am silently screaming inside. I'm pretty sure my partner is delighted with where we are and doesn't think anything is wrong.

I just want out, but don't know how to go about it. The problem: he's a nice person and hasn't done anything horribly wrong. I know he loves me. So I just go along with this, but I hate it.

by Anonymousreply 351November 7, 2011 8:18 PM

I guess it shouldn't surprise me that you bitter assholes would deride metaphysics. Soulless bastards.

by Anonymousreply 352November 7, 2011 8:26 PM

r308 =

Offsite Link
by Anonymousreply 353November 7, 2011 9:44 PM

I like to bite off my toe nails, and use my toe nails to floss my teeth and scrape the tartar off of them.

by Anonymousreply 354November 7, 2011 9:54 PM

I'm thinking about fucking my friend. His boyfriend recently cheated on him and he's coming to visit me from out of town this weekend. We've always liked each other, but the timing was always wrong. I was either in a relationship or he was and we've lived in different parts of the world for a while now. He and the boyfriend have a son together. He's really mad at the boyfriend and I don't know if he plans on leaving him, but I know he's been unhappy with him for the last few years. The boyfriend has always been jealous of our friendship and insecure that we were cheating with each other. I went out of my way to the point of not even really speaking to my friend for nearly a year because his boyfriend was being so weird about us and I didn't want to screw up his relationship. Now, it seems like his relationship is already screwed up. What do you guys think?

by Anonymousreply 355November 7, 2011 10:12 PM

What's the situation with the son? Was he adopted? How old is everyone?

by Anonymousreply 356November 7, 2011 10:17 PM

Yes, the son is adopted. It was more the boyfriend's pushing for it than my friend being interested, but they're both committed to him. He's a very cute kid. They're both 34. The son is 3.

by Anonymousreply 357November 7, 2011 10:23 PM

I just had a DL LOL moment but I hit F&F instead of W&W. I feel so bad.

by Anonymousreply 358November 8, 2011 12:47 AM

R305 is demented.

R355: I think you should at least least make it clear (either overtly or subtly) that you want to hook up with your friend. His partner sounds like an asshole. Besides, it'll be horrible for the kid if he's living with two people who have grown to hate each other.

by Anonymousreply 359November 8, 2011 12:53 AM

That's okay, R358. I've gotten into the habit of hitting F&F every time I see one of your posts. Only because so many other people have suggested it.

And that's my anonymous confession, too, toots.

by Anonymousreply 360November 8, 2011 1:19 AM

I am not demented. Who the fuck are you people to judge me?

by Anonymousreply 361November 8, 2011 1:24 AM

I think I'm hideous-looking (I still get attention at 37). I have enormous guilt over how I've treated a few people and I have no way to apologize (nothing illegal, just shitty). I sell myself short constantly. I don't believe I am worthy of a long-term relationship/love. I don't trust my family. I am very avoidant but try very, very hard to get out and see people. Overall I just feel tainted and gross.

by Anonymousreply 362November 8, 2011 1:33 AM

I moon over lost loves but if any of them rang my doorbell, I wouldn't answer. I'm just not in place to make my own dreams come true.

by Anonymousreply 363November 8, 2011 3:04 AM

Me too, R363.

by Anonymousreply 364November 10, 2011 3:50 AM

You're too intelligent to be so bitter and mean, R360. Grow up already and let it go. xoxo

by Anonymousreply 365November 10, 2011 5:03 AM

[quote] I've gotten into the habit of hitting F&F every time I see one of your posts. Only because so many other people have suggested it.

What a shame it is that you are incapable of independent thought, R360. I guess if you were at Penn State you would be defending Paterno and McQueary, because that's what so many other people are doing. This is the very definition of sheeple.

by Anonymousreply 366November 11, 2011 12:50 PM

I'm dead tired of feeling sad and trapped. I cannot stand it much longer.

by Anonymousreply 367November 12, 2011 4:36 AM

a

by Anonymousreply 368November 13, 2011 4:04 AM

r305

If you live on the UWS and are blond, then I’ve seen you and your brother. I have never spoken to either one of you, but I can see that you are brothers and lovers. I can’t be the only one. And, if you aren’t the blond couple, you aren’t the only ones living like this.

by Anonymousreply 369November 13, 2011 4:38 AM

R46, Jerry Sandusky told a mother in 1998 that he "wished he was dead" but nonetheless continued his rapist ways at least until 2002 and probably up until his arrest. Being sorry is NOT the answer to evil because some people will continue ANYWAY.

by Anonymousreply 370November 13, 2011 5:43 AM

I could have written R275's post, but I'm a gay man, and I had sex in 1996 and then had three unsuccessful sexual events about 1998/'99.

by Anonymousreply 371November 13, 2011 6:06 AM

More sadness, please.

by Anonymousreply 372November 13, 2011 6:10 AM

There is a man that post multiple times a day on Craigslist. Same ad, looking for a woman, he will pay for your time etc..... I post a parody post. Childish I know.

by Anonymousreply 373November 13, 2011 12:48 PM

I work for a large international corporation and I HATE it.

Everyone is so impressed but it's just as bad as the Penn State football program.

I'm disgusted that I've "sold out" for money. If I didn't have to support my parents I would probably quit.

by Anonymousreply 374November 13, 2011 2:30 PM

Well, that was a weird week. We didn't technically fuck, but we did other stuff and he confessed his love and the boyfriend was calling seemingly constantly.

by Anonymousreply 375November 15, 2011 8:19 AM

The drama builds in R355's move.

by Anonymousreply 376November 17, 2011 5:03 AM

Relate almost identically to R363 and R362. I'm also self destructive for no real reason. I'm aware that I create my own problems. I don't think I'm hideous but I am self conscious of my body and of sex so I avoid people but long for deep connections.

by Anonymousreply 377November 17, 2011 6:34 AM

I'm obsessed with symbolism and 'poetic' meanings.

by Anonymousreply 378December 8, 2011 6:24 AM

I always feel like the third wheel.. like I'm not in on the jokes or part of the crowd.

by Anonymousreply 379December 8, 2011 7:42 AM

I used a plunger on the sink. Didn't work.

by Anonymousreply 380December 8, 2011 1:44 PM

I think New York was better back in the 40's and 50's.

by Anonymousreply 381December 8, 2011 2:01 PM

I don't want to work much.

by Anonymousreply 382December 8, 2011 2:16 PM

I'm against closed adoption. I think it is fucking barbaric and backwards and inhumane. It kills something inside of women... no matter what they say, no matter how hard society works to valorize them and their selfless 'choice'. And no child who doesn't know fundamentally who they are is ever fully okay. I realize this makes me unpopular but I've walked both sides and will never ever get over the hurt of it - so I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. Save your vitriol - it can't touch me. I'm already in hell. I'm amazed I get up each day and keep breathing. Many days, these days, that's all that I manage. I wish for an accident. My youngest is the only thing that keeps me going. With the amount of hurt in my life (including the rape, the sociopathic ex, negligent parents who've I've forgiven, and a destroyed family) I can't tolerate the injustice I see - and its not even fundamentally the shit to do with me personally (including the terrible hurt I have caused people I love) - its that the world is a fucking miserable place. For some reason this Sandusky thing and peoples indifference and fucked up priorities were a tipping point for me. I realized that the balance was off and that there isnt going to be some big redemption someday. Assholes win. There's no fucking justice. I will eat just enough to stay alive. I no longer care about the projects that used to drive me (I am inredibly ambitious, have lived a full and incredible life, highly educated, have achieved every goal Ive ever set, have always come across as a fighter, am good at almost anything I put my mind to - but feel like my life has meant almost nothing). I'm just done. Im tired. I hate almost everyone. I want isolation. I just want to give in. I can't see beauty anymore. Life does not feel like a gift. I'm now someone I hate - a hollow soul-less fucking shell.

by Anonymousreply 383December 8, 2011 2:28 PM

I agree with R345. I don't want to, but I do.

by Anonymousreply 384December 8, 2011 2:30 PM

[quote]I agree with [R345]. I don't want to, but I do.

I'm experiencing the same tendency as I get older, but only about the ones brought up in and living in "ghetto" culture. It's unbearable and getting worse with every generation. I assume that's what we're all meaning by "blacks" and that we're not including educated, civilized people who only happen to be of African descent.

Same with poor "white trash".

by Anonymousreply 385December 8, 2011 2:39 PM

Also, as long as we're sharing anonymously: I work in a city with a huge Nigerian immigrant community, and I really wish they could all be deported.

by Anonymousreply 386December 8, 2011 2:42 PM

[quote]Assholes win. There's no fucking justice.

I agree too often. On good days I can focus on just taking care of myself and trying to find some degree of peace within myself.

Other days I am paralyzed by the overwhelming evil that controls so much of our lives.

by Anonymousreply 387December 8, 2011 2:46 PM

I spent decades of my working life in an industry that suddenly died as technological and cultural changes made us irrelevant. I sacrificed evenings, weekends, holidays, my health, now all for nothing.

Now I have a clerical gig in the public sector, making a bit more money than ever before, accruing insane amounts of paid time off and enjoying full health insurance paid by the state, while actually doing very little work. Deep down I feel the cosmos owed me this for putting my former company out of business.

by Anonymousreply 388December 8, 2011 2:50 PM

I have terrible resentments against the people I grew up with. They were of a different race/ethnic background than me and I still think they look down on me for not being one of them. Today, I evaluate these kinds of people in light of my past experiences and I feel a tremendous amount of anger towards them.

I won't mention what race or gender I am. This internalization of hate eats away at me and I need release.

by Anonymousreply 389December 8, 2011 2:52 PM

Get help 383. You're clearly not in a good place. You need help.

by Anonymousreply 390December 8, 2011 3:01 PM

345, 384, 385 - you and your kind are the reason why this world is beyond fucking redemption. Your lack of intellectual curiousity (not to mention compassion and fucking human decency) over the conditions you observe... your reckless and base and hateful racism, DISGUST ME, make me want to puke my fucking guts out. You are everything that is wrong with the fucking world. You are a shame to everyone and anyone who has ever loved you or had responsibility for you. You have lost your humanness. It is you that is a fucking animal.

I may have lost hope that we can ever be okay again, but clearly I still FEEL.

by Anonymousreply 391December 8, 2011 3:21 PM

I appreciate that 390. Truly. And I've come to the conclusion that there isn't any help. This is by no means my first rodeo. The truth is - I don't think its me that has the problem - fundamentally. That is what's different this time. I feel like I don't have the capacity to switch my brain or my heart off. It all comes in. And I think I'm right - about the state of the world. It's other people that need the help -that refuse to see. People like those I flamed above. They don't have a clue how careless that attitude is - what it causes in the world.

I will not medicate myself into a fuzz. I will not speak to another clueless therapist who I'll end up despising (the only one I didn't was the same culture as me - and she got it - could see it and knew it - but that's not an option right now). I feel like something changed in me this year. I lost my idealism, my innocence and my hope. I don't know what the answer is right now, but I do know what it isn't.

by Anonymousreply 392December 8, 2011 3:44 PM

I know exactly how you feel.I've had depression, well as other problems on and off and people can be shall we say less than sympathetic. But I know how it feels and you're clearly suffering from it.

I've told myself the exact same thing,it's not me its the world,it's not me it's other people thats the problem.Your not depressed the world just a horrible dark miserable unfair place.

But the problem was me and when I admitted that and got help things got better.

by Anonymousreply 393December 8, 2011 3:57 PM

I'm going to have a talk with my lesbian sister. All I get from reading 300+ post is that some gay people are fucked up in the head and instead of getting help they think killing them selves is the only way out... Very selfish!

I just don't get it. A lot of you are hurting over someone else! While they are living and moving in with their lifes you are contemplating suicide? Why!?! Life is so precious.

If you are living a pitiful, lonely, miserable life is because you put your self in that situation. You have control of you life, you have the choice. Not an ex or stranger.

I call bullshit on a lot of stories here.

You think your life is bad? FUCK, use your time and damn phone or computer and see what's going on around the world, Africa, china, poor 3rd world countries. A lot of kids are dying of starvation... If you choose to end your life. Sell all your shit and go to your backyard poor Americans struggling to eat and donate your money. At least do something good before you go. That might get you into a better hell.

The 385lb girl, I don't feel sorry for you. You are probably lazy and instead of doing something for your self you are looking for pity. Not getting it from me

My heart goes out to all the kids who got raped or molested by a grown up. Please get help

If you are hurtin because of your ex: grow so balls and move on. Stop riding the pity train card.

To the "Barbie" story: funniest shit EVER...LOVED IT. I can picture a good looking man fucking a granny and her dentures on the side table.

Do I care about other's opinion? No. I don't have a perfect life, I have been through a lot but guess what? I have control over it. So can you. Good luck y'all and much love

Sorry English is my 2nd languague. Bottom line get help and get that suicidel thoughts out of your head we are hereto enjoy life not finished it in a cowerly way.

by Anonymousreply 394December 8, 2011 5:09 PM

390 Ok. I hear you. I just wanted you to know you made a difference today. Thank you.

by Anonymousreply 395December 8, 2011 5:13 PM

I am in love with an alcoholic and it kills me.

by Anonymousreply 396December 8, 2011 5:35 PM

I had a lesbian experience when I was 6. Me and my friend who was 8 saw some erotic snippet of two lesbians on TV and thought we should try that, so we had a French kiss and kissed each others naked bodies. I know this sounds horrible, because it is, when I visualize that, oh lord.... I kind of blame the weak TV censorship of those days, I've never been sexually abused and had no mommy issues, so I can't understand what made me want to do this. And it's not as random as showing some boy your pussy and vice versa...

In my teenage years I never thought of women in that way and was quite sure I'm straight, but I am more and more convinced now that I could swing both ways.... And I wonder if that childhood experience has something to do with it.

by Anonymousreply 397December 8, 2011 5:52 PM

It depends R397. If you're under 24 yes. If you're 24 or over, then you are just fucking with us.

by Anonymousreply 398December 8, 2011 11:23 PM

R105 earned every penny he's collecting, jealous bitches.

by Anonymousreply 399December 9, 2011 2:57 PM

I forgot to mention, I'm a man.

by Anonymousreply 400December 9, 2011 3:01 PM

I am soooooooo sick and tired of seeing ugly, obese white women with hot black guys. And no---I am NOT impressed with your shopping cart full of several mixed race children by different fathers as you waddle down the aisles at Walmart with your screeching brats, then pay for your Little Debbies, Fritos and jug of "drank" with your food stamp card.

by Anonymousreply 401December 9, 2011 3:05 PM

R398 That awkward moment when you confess to doing something for the first time in your life and it sounds so bad that people think you're fucking with them, funny and sad...

I'm 22.

by Anonymousreply 402December 9, 2011 3:05 PM

Well R402 there's nothing wrong with being lesbian and seeing a snippet on tv when you were 6 had nothing to do with it.

by Anonymousreply 403December 9, 2011 3:09 PM

Think about it. Imagine how many times gay kids see heteros macking on television. Every day practically.

by Anonymousreply 404December 9, 2011 3:10 PM

[quote] I kind of blame the weak TV censorship of those days

A same-sex encounter is not something that needs to be "censored".

by Anonymousreply 405December 9, 2011 3:13 PM

No one knows I'm bipolar 2. I'm afraid of the reaction I'd get like I'm bat shit crazy because a lot of people still don't get that bipolar 2 is typically non-violent, non-hallucinogenic and no need for hospitalization etc. etc. That's what mine is but they just hear "bipolar" and freak out a little inside -- and by people who think this way, I mean *my* family which is why I don't want to tell them.

by Anonymousreply 406December 9, 2011 3:19 PM

R405 That was some serious porn as I remember, and I meant censorship of all kind of porn movies that you could come across at noon. I'm not ashamed or upset about being bisexual if you thought so. Just surprised that I started realizing that when I was like 19.

by Anonymousreply 407December 9, 2011 3:29 PM

[quote]And no---I am NOT impressed with your shopping cart full of several mixed race children by different fathers as you waddle down the aisles at Walmart with your screeching brats, then pay for your Little Debbies, Fritos and jug of "drank" with your food stamp card.

What kind of shoppers do you expect to find at Wal-Mart?

by Anonymousreply 408December 9, 2011 3:31 PM

[quote]That was some serious porn as I remember, and I meant censorship of all kind of porn movies that you could come across at noon.

Then I misunderstood; I assumed you meant two women kissing or something. How in the world did you manage to see hardcore on TV at noon?!

by Anonymousreply 409December 9, 2011 3:36 PM

LOL R408 -- Exactly!

by Anonymousreply 410December 9, 2011 3:36 PM

R409 Well I probably hyperbolized, I can't really remember the time of a day clearly, just that I was at her place, so I came to this conclusion...Or maybe I remember that scene as a more drastic one than it really was, sorry, these memories are so foggy.

by Anonymousreply 411December 9, 2011 3:57 PM

I'm too afraid of rejection to make friends. I was bullied as a kid and its still somewhat affects the way I interact with people.

Not really sure how to change it though.

by Anonymousreply 412December 9, 2011 4:09 PM

r401 = Jill Scott!

by Anonymousreply 413December 9, 2011 4:18 PM

A HUGE portion of this thread is infested by the tiresome attention whores with their "Nobody know's I suffer from bypolarism" and "I'm just so lonely I think of suicide" and "I suffer from *insert name of new drug company disease here* and don't want to be a burden", etc. etc. etc.

These are the same people who post endless shit on their FaceBook walls, self victimizing and begging for others to ask "What's wrong" and "can I help?".

Why does DL attract so many of these types?

by Anonymousreply 414December 9, 2011 4:19 PM

r414, stop being so insensitive. If you dont want to read stuff like that dont click on this thread and dont have friends like that on Facebook.

by Anonymousreply 415December 9, 2011 4:30 PM

Why do you think, 414? They're lonely, possibly isolated, and this is their one outlet. And the anonymity help. Have some compassion, please.

I have come to DL with similar problems and gotten wonderful support and advice. Not everybody has a large circle of friends or the desire to share their innermost problems with them.

by Anonymousreply 416December 9, 2011 5:31 PM

Well I'm sorry the sad,lonely people piss you off so much R414. Tell them to try and be less pathetic in future. See if that works.

by Anonymousreply 417December 9, 2011 8:24 PM

We hate in others what we hate in ourselves, r414.

I would MUCH rather hear them talk about their life and their problems than your wonderings about why you are hanging out in a place where so there are so many people are doing that. With you being the exception, of course. Perhaps you are them, just more repressed.

by Anonymousreply 418December 9, 2011 8:33 PM

R345...you are so right.

I am the person who posted the Racist Rant thread about jury duty. It got deleted.

I was still interested in seeing the thoughts of others on DL.

by Anonymousreply 419June 14, 2012 11:29 PM

R414 doesn't have anything to post and is bitter and empty inside.

by Anonymousreply 420June 14, 2012 11:38 PM

I started fucking a teacher at age 16. Never expected anything other than fun time, but fast forward 15 years and we are still together.

by Anonymousreply 421June 14, 2012 11:55 PM

I went down on the neighbor girl when I was 8 or 9 (she was the same age). She wouldn't reciprocate. Yes, I was sexually abused.

by Anonymousreply 422June 15, 2012 12:08 AM

I just literally shit my pants after I had a coughing fit. I'm on antibotics that are giving me the runs. No one in the room knows yet....yet..

by Anonymousreply 423June 15, 2012 12:15 AM

I am Etan Patz

by Anonymousreply 424June 15, 2012 12:40 AM

i'm going to end up alone.

by Anonymousreply 425June 15, 2012 12:54 AM

Your better off alone. Other people just manipulate you.

by Anonymousreply 426June 15, 2012 12:56 AM

Do you think you're better off alone???

by Anonymousreply 427June 15, 2012 1:03 AM

[R427] I dont Know.

by Anonymousreply 428June 15, 2012 1:11 AM

I've fallen in love with someone. He's 17, I'm 39. He's also almost quadriplegic with a terminal illness not expected to live much longer. I'm also married with kids. Hes my student.

by Anonymousreply 429June 15, 2012 1:12 AM

R429 are you a woman? Because if you are, I see Charlize Theron playing your part

by Anonymousreply 430June 15, 2012 1:15 AM

Yes r430.

by Anonymousreply 431June 15, 2012 1:18 AM

I disputed my $18 Datalounge contribution. Two weeks after paying, my contribution ID was no longer working, and my email address was not found. I had no way to find out what was happening? I could still post, but not threads and not in Primetime. Ads weren't blocked either.

I got my $18 back.

by Anonymousreply 432June 15, 2012 1:20 AM

I work for the telephone company and the Dashers disqualified me.

by Anonymousreply 433June 15, 2012 1:20 AM

My father is an alcoholic.

by Anonymousreply 434June 15, 2012 1:22 AM

My laptop has been drinking, but not me.

by Anonymousreply 435June 15, 2012 1:24 AM

I kind of have the hots for my stepsister's husband.

by Anonymousreply 436June 15, 2012 1:25 AM

I can't stand the loudness and total lack of civility of the people where I live. If I had a sniper rifle with a silencer I'd be shooting motherfuckers all day long

by Anonymousreply 437June 15, 2012 1:30 AM

In my old apartment building, our bathroom had a window which overlooked a courtyard. When I was in fifth grade, I started to take an interest in looking at my bowel movements while they were in the toilet bowl. On a couple of occasions, I brought a brown lunch bag into the bathroom with me. I took a crap into the bag, folded the top shut, opened the bathroom window, and tossed the bag into the courtyard. How ghetto! Nowadays, when I take a crap, I flush it down immediately! (Mercy flush?)

by Anonymousreply 438June 15, 2012 1:33 AM

Holy crap, R439, that is some serious shit!

by Anonymousreply 439June 15, 2012 2:03 AM

I really want to fuck and emotionally manipulate an 18, 19, or 20 year old. I'm 31 and I know it'd be impossible to carry out a relationship with one, but I fantasize about having sexual/financial/intellectual leverage over someone I view as inferior.

by Anonymousreply 440June 15, 2012 2:15 AM

I was stalked, sexually and physically assaulted when I was in college. I never told anyone at the time and it haunts me and sometimes consumes my thoughts.

I didn't remember it until about 10 years ago.

by Anonymousreply 441June 15, 2012 2:43 AM

After 10 years on my SNRI, I thought I'd try to stop cold turkey. I got through the "physical" withdrawal symptoms and was doing okay for about two months, until several stressful, upsetting things happened all at once.

For two weeks, I was on an emotional rollercoaster. Panic attacks, nightmares, overreactions. I was doing breathing exercises all day long and had to smoke a little weed at night just to be able to get to sleep and stay asleep.

Last weekend, I wound up feeling more depressed than I ever have in my life. Everything felt meaningless, pointless, bound to fail. And every little annoyance felt like a life or death situation. I was crying to anyone who asked me how I was doing.

I took my SNRI again and felt better within 24 hours. Five days later, and I'm back to feeling okay.

I think I could eventually go off the meds if I did a long tapering off.

But now Im so afraid of feeling the way I felt when I went cold turkey, I think it's possible I'll be on an SNRI for the rest of my life. And I'm worried about what will happen if Im ever in a situation in which I dont have access to medication.

by Anonymousreply 442June 15, 2012 3:05 AM

There's this asshole I know who is a real know-it-all. I fantasize about him getting in an accident or being hit over the head with a fax machine and having brain damage as a result. I wouldn't have to listen to this fat idiot run his fucking mouth all the fucking time about nonsense. Thinks he's better than everyone and nothing would please me more than to see this fuckstick drooling all over himself and wearing Depends.

by Anonymousreply 443June 15, 2012 5:07 AM

About two weeks ago I felt lonely for the first time in decades. It didn't last, but it's a hopeful sign. Maybe I am recovering my sanity after all.

by Anonymousreply 444June 15, 2012 5:12 AM

Take your time, r442. I'm weaning off a med. for a year and a half now. Take 3/4 a dose for six months, then 1/2 for six months, then 1/4 for six months, then stop. It gives your body time to adjust.

by Anonymousreply 445June 15, 2012 6:56 AM

I am the Joyce DeWitt troll.

by Anonymousreply 446June 15, 2012 7:06 AM

I'm Erik Rhodes and I fooled you all

Ha ha ha suckers....

by Anonymousreply 447June 15, 2012 7:44 AM

I still post on the DL.

by Anonymousreply 448June 15, 2012 8:40 PM

I won't tell anybody, Luka. I promise. Not even if I hear something late at night. Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight.

by Anonymousreply 449June 15, 2012 8:43 PM

Cant stop eating :( And not , I'm not the 650lb virgin guy

by Anonymousreply 450June 15, 2012 9:02 PM

I let my partner do whatever he wants with me. I let him control everything and I let him dictate what I do. I can tell he gets off on it and that's fine by me. He doesn't want someone to talk back to him or embarass him in front of his family and friends and I don't, I just do as he says. Our dynamic works for us and I don't mind being the passive one.

by Anonymousreply 451July 20, 2012 5:05 PM

Ooh, that's really creepy Rick.

by Anonymousreply 452July 20, 2012 9:26 PM

I think I may have been abused as a child, but I have I real memories of actual abuse, just small flashes of things that are making me throw up some red flags now that I'm 30.

How am I supposed to know? I have trouble feeling any emotions, and am sometimes self destructive (binge eating, drinking, etc.). I have all the reason in the world to have self confidence but I still feel insecure.

In other anonymous confessions, I blew my cousin when I was 17 and he was passed out from drinking. I never told him (I don't think he woke up because he never got hard). I was so desperate and confused, and now I feel awful about it.

I have more stuff to confess, but I won't burden you. I feel effed up enough with these two. Ugh.

by Anonymousreply 453July 21, 2012 3:52 AM

I've had bareback sex with people I barely knew, didn't get tested, then had more bareback sex with other people after I told them I knew I was clean.

by Anonymousreply 454July 21, 2012 4:12 AM

I don't like black people. I don't know why, I just don't. I'm a professor, and semester after semester they've proven to be the laziest and most dishonest of students I've ever had. The ones I work with have constant issue about their skin color. I think the term "African-American" is completely stupid. I think black fiction is absolute dreck. I think black movies actually make you stupid and that black cooking could be the worst thing I've ever tasted. None of this is absolute - and I know many whites that I can't stand for being total pigs of human beings - but more often than not I find black to be rude, entitled, and basically just kind of nasty. And yet I am in no way comfortable with this.

by Anonymousreply 455July 21, 2012 4:20 AM

To answer R264: yes. Every day of my life.

by Anonymousreply 456July 21, 2012 7:44 PM

My brother paid me to let him blow me.

by Anonymousreply 457July 21, 2012 7:57 PM

When I go to an attractive guys house I go through his dirty laundry. I love smelling the crotch of his used underwear.

by Anonymousreply 458July 21, 2012 8:17 PM

I'm bi, kind of a boring confession I suppose.

by Anonymousreply 459July 21, 2012 8:18 PM

What do you teach, R455?

I think the term African-American is dumb. They're totally American, most having been here longer than most of us, if you look at it from a cultural standpoint. And I've had a lot of pleasure from what they've brought to the mix. I used to be a bank teller at payroll time and whenever I got shit about asking a white person about the proper ID and there were blacks in the line behind him I would get a lot of sympathetic eye contact.

My confession is that I wrote a paper for a history class at the University of Wisconsin in 1968, that I plagiarized from the dusty carrels of the UW Library. It was Latin American History. The title was "The Failure of the Jesuits in Paraguay." I got an "A".

I do read the theft reports from our local Kohl's department store. It's all them. Sigh

by Anonymousreply 460July 21, 2012 8:48 PM

I have always considered myself an age defying hottie in the Chris Meloni mold. Last week while sitting in the steam room at my gym a hot young Latino started looking at me and pulling on his sizable dick under his towel so I slid over. As I got closer I could see his expression changing to one of revulsion as my 50 yr old face took shape out of the steam and he quickly got up and left. I guess that stage of my life is hitting the skids.

by Anonymousreply 461July 21, 2012 9:02 PM

about 10 weeks ago i got into a huge fight with my bf at my work he later left my work and my ex came in and i told him to pick me up after work. since i was really good friends with him with out my bf knowing. and we got carried away and now i am just figuring out im 10 weeks pregnant. the thing is me and my bf have been trying to have a baby for a year now. and nothing, and now he thinks is his! i dont know what to do should i tell him or no?Im scared i might lose him, because i love him pasionatly but it was just a mistake of the moment and i regret it. i have one other problem my courent bf is white my ex is mixed 1/3 black I am affried my baby will come out not looking like my bf. What is the chances baby well not look white I figured its about 10%

by Anonymousreply 462October 20, 2014 11:52 AM

I don't love my family anymore.

by Anonymousreply 463October 20, 2014 1:35 PM

462, have you thought of getting abortion?

by Anonymousreply 464October 20, 2014 6:02 PM

r462 In this case you have to tell the truth. Hoping and praying that the child comes out white enough and then stays white enough (they're often lighter in the beginning) is way too much stress and too dangerous. You're better off with honesty. Even if it should end the relationship.

by Anonymousreply 465October 20, 2014 6:55 PM

I have been having sex with my father since I was a teenager. I cheat on my partner with him, and we even do it in my bed. Most intense sex and mindblowing orgasms I've ever had.

Beat that.

by Anonymousreply 466February 18, 2015 8:13 AM

I used to let Jan Michael Vincent cum in my mouth while he slapped my face around and called me pussy mouth. I was always conflicted and confused about it. Now when I look back on it all these years later I just can't believe how good I had it. Figures.

by Anonymousreply 467February 18, 2015 8:44 AM

Kicked out of the house for being gay at the age of eighteen but I didn't actually lose my virginity until I was twenty-eight. Not ugly, just not interested.

Still not interested - I've clocked about twenty orgasms in the last ten years. Friends believe me to be very discreet about my love life but I've never really had one.

by Anonymousreply 468February 18, 2015 9:30 AM

My mother's childhood friend tried to rape me when I was 15. He was too drunk to get it up so he let me go. I still haven't told anyone and I'm in my thirties now.

by Anonymousreply 469February 18, 2015 9:58 AM

I have a really good 6 figure paying corporate job in L&D.

I fucking hate most of the people I have to interact with and would like to stab them in the face. I wish I didn't have to work and have to deal with these fuckwits every day.

I have to go and iron my shirt for tomorrow now...

by Anonymousreply 470February 18, 2015 10:20 AM

I stole the kishka.

by Anonymousreply 471February 18, 2015 10:44 AM

I play with the little balls of shit that cling to the hair around my asshole.

by Anonymousreply 472February 18, 2015 10:50 AM

R470 I can relate exactly to what you're saying.

I'm making 30% more than I was in my last job (company went bankrupt in '08) but I loathe every minute of it. I fantasize ways to kill the people in my office.

In my 20s I thought it was all about making money. Now I'd gladly take a significant pay cut just to have a job I didn't hate.

But I'm mid 50s and nobody else wants me.

by Anonymousreply 473February 18, 2015 10:59 AM

I had a sexual relationship with mu cousin for 12 yrs starting from when we were teens. He claims he is "straight" but i know the truth I only pretend to believe him

by Anonymousreply 474February 18, 2015 11:53 AM

I want to compare my previous job to an abusive relationship but don't want to be trivialising the issue. But that's the exact dynamic, I realise now. So glad to be out of there but I still feel the after shocks.

by Anonymousreply 475February 18, 2015 12:02 PM

No one knows that for about ten years I would regularly have sex in exchange for money. It started when I was in college and worked as a room service waiter. At first I thought I would just do it once in a while while I had that job, but I continued with it long after I left the hotel and graduated from school. My act was to play the part of rough trade: punk, skinhead, blue collar worker. Occasionally I would meet sadistic men who would pay me insane amounts of money to torture me. I mean REALLY freaky stuff (one session was so bad I had to go the the ER afterwards.) I kept doing this "work" despite having a good job and even while I was in committed relationships. It wasn't the thrill or some sort of validation I was seeking, I did it simply because the money was so good. It only stopped when I moved to a bigger metro area and I didn't feel like putting in the effort in establishing myself or dealing with the competition a bigger city offers.

by Anonymousreply 476February 18, 2015 3:46 PM

r345 maybe you should kill yourself?

by Anonymousreply 477February 18, 2015 3:50 PM

I'm 33 and had to move back home to take care of my mother who had a stroke and has cancer. I've been doing it for almost two years now and I don't know how much more I can take. She's on Medicaid, so there aren't any available nursing homes for her to go to at the moment. We've been waiting six months for a bed to openup. We can't afford to put her in a good place.

I'm not a caregiver-I'm moody and selfish and like to be left alone. Helping her with showers and dressing, feeding, laundry, cleaning house,it all feels like I'm taking care of a kid. I don't want kids.

I know she deserves better than me, but I'm the only choice she has. I'm not wishing for her to die, because she is a good person, but I've just about had it.

by Anonymousreply 478February 18, 2015 4:06 PM

I love girly boys. I love long haired, sissy, skinny white androgynous boys who are pretentious and dress like total stereotype hipster twats. I'm obsessed with them.

In fact I'm obsessed with one boy in particular who hasn't spoken to me in a year. He was the hottest thing I've ever seen. Long blonde hair, blue eyes, mysterious feminine voice, full pouty lips. Every time he looked at me in the eyes was like ecstasy being sucked into his vortex of lust. I fucked him and came to his face and had the most insane orgasm of my life.

I'm tortured with lust for pretentious long haired sissy boys. I want to swallow his and their spit and drink their piss. I want them to dump a huge nasty shit on my face and then play with it. I want them to puke in my mouth while I watch their beautiful faces stretch and tense as the vomit pours out. I want to eat their snot earwax. I want to smear another boys' shit in his hair.

I want to fuck emo boys and androgynous fashion models and get puked and shat on by 10 of them at once. Its the ultimate way to experience connection with others.

by Anonymousreply 479February 19, 2015 2:17 AM

I sucked of our family driver when I was 14.

by Anonymousreply 480February 19, 2015 2:27 AM

R462 is impossible to be 1/3 black. You have two parents, four grandparents, eight great grandparents, etc. You can be 1/2 black, 1/4 black, get it?

by Anonymousreply 481February 19, 2015 5:27 AM

Over the years I have developed an intense dislike for lesbians. One on one they are not bad, but put them together they are insufferable.

by Anonymousreply 482February 19, 2015 6:13 AM

I really enjoy Huey Lewis and the news. A lot of his stuff is good rocknroll.

by Anonymousreply 483February 19, 2015 6:37 AM

@the naming police: Why are some White people always trying to define us? We are what you say we are? So you don't like the term African-American, you're not that, why do you care? The god complex shit is so bizarre. I never sit around and think, "Asian-American", that just doesn't sit right with me. I'm not Asian, I have no right to tell them what to call themselves. Nor do I take exception to any other intra-race issue. If we left it up to you we'd still be N*ggers. Now, you're the go-to people for what we call ourselves. GTFOH

It's funny, when we say we're American, there's a segment quick to jump in that we're not really. If we say we're African, there's another segment who says, "Have you even been to Africa?! You're American." then these idiots who hate the term African-American. We can't win for losing.

by Anonymousreply 484February 19, 2015 10:14 AM

R9 is full of shit.

by Anonymousreply 485November 26, 2019 11:27 AM

I guess this is as good a place to say this as any, but suicide is glamourized by the media. It's not nearly as easy as you think. So many people wind up painfully handicapped for the rest of their lives. And everybody who's jumped from a height says the instant they let go they regret doing it. Even gunshots straight to the head don't always succeed. I'm not blowing smoke out my ass, these are stories I've heard from people who knew others who tried it.

I don't have any Jesus-y hope prayer to tell you to recite when you want to snuff it, just be aware that on a whim, you may not take yourself out, but you could be presenting your family with crippling medical bills, not to mention being unable to do much about a second attempt, due to neurological damage done during the first attempt. What else do you think we talked about in the break room at the hospital?

by Anonymousreply 486November 26, 2019 1:16 PM
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