In the Michigan criminal justice system, the womyn perpetually hate-raped by penised persons are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the womyn police who investigate hate-rapes and associated crimes, and the womyn district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.\
"Pilot: Man on the Land! Festie Virgin hate-raped and killed by silent penised-person her first night on the Land"\
"Episode 2: Nutloaf poisoned with hemlock kills six womyn; vengeful transman who snuck into Fest is culprit"\
"Episode 3: Marissa Womonmoon found beaten to death by cane; culprit is militant vegan lesbian who discovers Marissa slipped Beef Jerky in her stew for spite"\
Okay, that was pretty funny.
"Tainted" - Det. Bev Artemis investigates who used chicken broth in the vegetarian chili.
"I am telling you NOW, so I don''t have to kill you THEN."
Doctoral student from Hudson University collecting data at Michfest is found murdered after two womyn come across sympathetic comments about male-to-female trannies in her research notes.
"Right, she was breast-casted to death. Put out an APB for a womon of color in a vagina cape. And where are those whole-grain doughnuts you promised? I''m starving!"
Meredith Baxter as Det. Nan Michiganwomyn
Mariska guest stars in an SVU crossover and the ratings go through the roof.
SEASON 1 EP 7
Angela Davids, a radical feminist herstorian from Berkeley (guest star Aisha Tyler) is found dead in the woods by a group of boys from Brother Sun. Toxicology reports show an allergic reaction to cilantro, which was one of the ingredients served at Burrita Night. Davids was well-known in the cilantro-allergic community as a prominent activist, but investigators find Davids was seen in the Burrita line where cilantro was an ingredient. The death is written off as a terrible mishap. Case closed...
... except for Detective Olivia Bendaughter (Mariska Hargitay, who made the jump after SVU was cancelled). As a cilantro-allergic herself, Olivia realizes that Angela Davids could never have consumed enough cilantro to kill her, as real cilantro-allergics are able to detect the presence of cilantro in minute amounts. Olivia theorizes that even if Davids had mistakenly taken an incorrect Burrita, she would have spat out the first bite.
Olivia tries to keep her investigation under wraps, but finds herself criticized by the head of Eve Vagenesis (guest star Laurie Metcalf), president of Cilantro Poisons All Peoples (CPAP), who calls the investigation a coverup and accuses Olivia of being a "cilantro appeaser and apologist."
Olivia deduces Eve is the murderer, and suspects she was trying to draw attention to the cause of the cilantro-oppressed. But how did she do it? On the witness stand in front of Judge Janice Goldberg (Fran Lebowitz), Eve confesses the truth: she rubbed cilantro in her labial folds before a tryst with the historian.
The Rainbow Express is impounded after a passenger who was supposed to have begun her trip in Chicago never checks in at Michfest.
A woman was discovered dead, wrapped in the vagina cape after admitting to spelling womyn as women.
Where''s the "Like" button for this thread?
The body of a "bottomless" womon is discovered behind the Cuntree Store tent in the wee small hours. A penised detective (Sam Waterston) assumes the womon was sexually assaulted before being murdered, but his lesbian partner (Elizabeth Mitchell) assures him that going bottomless is quite common on The Land (except in the festival kitchen).
I thought womyn = woman\
and wimmin == women
Your hate of womyn is killing you. Stop gay teens from committing suicide by stopping womyn-hating threads like this.
The problem with this thread is, it just isn''t funny. A lot of effort for nothing, OP.\
Likewise, r7. The I Love Lucy abortion episodes in that other thread are more entertaining.
YOU aren''t funny, R14. This thread is hilarious and the OP''s post was not only spot on, but hysterically funnny.
[quote]I thought womyn = woman and wimmin == women\
Pretty sure it''s "womon" for singular and "womyn," "wimmin," or "wymyn" for plural.
The iconic "CHUNG-CHUNG!" sting is replaced by "CLICK-CLACK!"
This thread is [italic]hilarious[/italic].\
Carry on, bytchys.
I want to be a day player! \
Maybe I can play the fat womon on garbage duty who is too busy to stop what she is doing when Det. Nan comes to ask her about what the victim was doing on the Rainbow Express?\
"Look I already told you what I know. Now if you don''t mind, I need to get the hemp tampons cleaned up before the "Reiki for Womyn of Size" seminar starts in an hour."
When a newbie innocently cranks an Allman Brothers CD in the Twighlight Zone, the pain of hearing male voices causes mass hysteria and 6 womyn are trampled to death in the ensuing riot. In a misguided effort to calm a "gay community" he knows nothing about, alcoholic police lieutenant Whyte Manhood (Michael Moriarty) sends in the tangentially-related Chaz Bono (playing himself) as a grief counselor. Well, the next death won''t be an accident... It''ll be MURDER!%0D\
[quote]The Rainbow Express is impounded after a passenger who was supposed to have begun her trip in Chicago never checks in at Michfest.\
I''d probably enjoy Agatha Christie''s take on Murder on the Rainbow Express over L&O.\
Special Guest Star: Joanna Lumley as "Pats"
Ep 8: Massacre at Camp Trans%0D\
The MTF tranny activists (portrayed by the contestants of RuPaul''s Drag Race) have shown up, yet again, to protest at the Fest...On the third day the entire protest group are found dead at their campsight, with no obvious signs of foul play...just a smoldering fire, a bong, and scattered tranny corpses. It is up to detective Olivia Bendaughter (played by Mariska Hargitay) to uncover the deadly plot hatched by elder festies Amazon Motherwarrior and Moonbeam Systerlove (portrayed by Lily Tomlin and Holland Taylor, respectively). The elder wimmin have eradicated the trannie menace from Fest once-and-for-all with cyanide laced marijuana, which they presented to the denzens of camp trans as a ''peace offering''.
Allocation: Romney long and hard mask, and the President of the Republic is the worst. The signals from the pressure of campaign financing, Romney is an account name and major international bank of commerce and Rick Santorum, and great strength of the enemy, continue to fight for the nomination Romney. And reduce costs and free media on elections, in some cases, the most successful. Now TV commercials are expensive and complicated by the political cost. This week, former Massachusetts in force in New York in two days, while Republican opponent in the private sector to the Governor, Dan Wu won the election. U.S. President Barack Obama's election later this year, four months ago a lot of money to spare, Illinois. Compared to almost all bad news on Wednesday with financial activities increased by $ 3,000,000, Romney, imposing sanctions on Thursday in New York. Wednesday, he said. "Now, we provide a number of events, including meals, and New York, Woody Johnson, New York, Romney donors owners money after that, while poverty reduction and full, Romney has launched a promotion efforts, of course, their personal assets in support, he has $ 1.9 million, financial and other private sources, and. in 2008, he was director of the $ 2,500 000 , $ 42 million loan and the vice president's campaign manager, Eric Fehr, playing Power, SRO said.
We long for the ideal world where fish are forbidden by law, under penalty of death, from having sex with men and all reproductia is done by turkey baster.
Fish would be confined to 'fish farms' - where they would be tended to by Lesbyterians - and there they would raise the children.
In a word: Heaven!
Does anyone know why TNT doesn't rebroadcast the Vagina Cape Murders episode?
Det. Nan teams up with Det. Bendaughter to investigate the brutal slaying of a young femme lesbian with the only clue being a walking cane protruding from the victim's rectum. A personal and horrid attack to be certain.
With the assistance of decorated Chief Medical Examiner, Dr. Tamara Tuna, the detectives are able to deduce that the killer is the victim's older lover and menacing bulldagga Marge Lilypond (guest star Lea DeLaria).
Apparently the young lesbegone dared criticize Marge's infatuation with her own flatulence and that was one boundary that dare not be crossed.
Det. Nan and Bendaughter end the day with a hefty serving of Lesberoni Pizza at the Fest.
At the "Getting to Know Your Inner Goddess Through Fingerpainting" workshop, a group of latecomers are forbidden to enter the tent. After the workshop, the latecomers are found dead under the tree that used to be known as the watermelon tree.
Is there a connection between their being denied entrance (even though the rules clearly stated no latecomers) and their deaths by heat exhaustion? Perhaps this last rejection by womyn in an all womyn environment was the last straw after having to deal with a man's world? Or were the two dead women clearly playing the victim card?
A stabbing in the Menstrual Hut turns into a forensic nightmare of epic proportions, with Detective Cat Birkenstock (Tyne Daly) complaining, "We got more DNA floating around than David Crosby." Guest star Susan Flannery as flamboyant psychic Madame Vulva.
"That's Not Funny!" After Festie headliner/horrible stand-up comic/scent-sitive womon Tree Laughingsong drops dead on the main stage, a bottle of patchouli found in the wings provides a synyster clue to her demise. Again it's Det. Bendaughter to the rescue ... but will her conflicts with her new partner, Det. Whiskers (Jeanene Garafolo in a cat costume), threaten to render the case unsolvable?
R23, quit fucking with other people's posts on other threads, please.
Will Nan be there?
We (HEART!) Nan.
i want to be the secret Trans Man on the land, because I have a secret agenda straight out of Agatha Christie.
We (HEART) Nan - Nan hates men(aka "str8 guys") as much as we hate fish!
Gotta book one of these!
Cherry "Jubilee" Jones
[quote] Guest star Susan Flannery as flamboyant psychic Madame Vulva.
This made my fucking WEEK. And it's only Monday.
"I'd probably enjoy Agatha Christie's take on Murder on the Rainbow Express over L&O."
MichFest could also have been the setting for a great Miss Marple movie, in which Miss Marple goes to Fest undercover as a bulldyke in order to track a killer. Would have been best with Margaret Rutherford in the role, as Rutherford's ample bosom would have been ideal for the breast-casting scene.
R14, link to ILL abortion episodes thread, please.
"Bloodbath at the Menstrual Hut"
Det. Cheryl Massen-Gillfree investigates a vile noxious odor.
[quote]Det. Cheryl Massen-Gillfree investigates a vile noxious odor.
She is later found dead, asphyxiated in her own Haz Mat suit.
Free spirited hippie womyn Laughingwillow Pumpkinsong ( aka Natalie Lipschitz from Grosse Pointe Estates)is found bludgeoned to death in the Goddess Circle. An aluminum softball bat covered in blood is the only evidence left behind.
Detective Nan ( guest star Edie Falco) and Detective Olivia Bendaughter interrogate the members of the Detroit Diesels softball team and discover that ace 2nd basewomyn, Max Powers, had a brief hookup with Laughingwillow during the Kaki king concert.
R7 is hilarious.
Sorry, but I am a straight woman and organizers of Michfest have advised me that my pussy is not welcome.
"Lost in Translation"
Det. Olivia Bendaughter investigates the brutal murder of Britlez BoudicaProudWomon (played by Saffron Burrows), whose bloodied corpse has been found near the MichFest gates..It seems Boudica's murder was a crime of passionate misunderstanding: the naive Britlez--who wanted to be on time for her shift as a guard at the gate--was overheard asking one of the camp Trans activists who had an alarm clock, if she would mind "knocking her up in the morning". This request enraged the uber anti-trans festie ButchieTrueWomon (played by Rosie O'Donnell), who ambushes Boudica en route to her workshift, beating her to death with a cane stolen from the victim's older lover, CroppeCyrcle (portrayed by Fiona Shaw).
Any chance of a Law and Order/Murder She Wrote crossover episode at Michfest?
When a young womyn named Flowersong Star-Beamish (Miranda Cosgrove) is found dead in the DART Community Sleep Tent during Stacyann Chin's acoustic performance, Sabrina Duncan (Kate Jackson) and Kelly Garret (Jaclyn Smith) are called to The Land to go undercover as differently abled wimmyn. Can the Angels crack the case or will they get tangled up in a cunt-spiracy quicker than a wheelchair gets tangled in the carpeted path behind the Watermelon Tree?
Also starring Diana Degarmo as "Fae Brightclam"
ROFLMAO @ OP. Thanks, you made my evening!
We (HEART!) Nan Michiganwomyn because Nan would surely agree with us that the ideal society is one in which fish are forbidden by law - under penalty of death - from having sex with men!