People Who Constantly Talk Over or Interrupt Others
It drives me insane. I work with a woman who does this to everyone. What''s even worse is that her very loud interruptions usually have nothing to do with the topic of discussion. Also she will often walk into a room loudly proclaiming something. This woman practically yells when she speaks. What is wrong with people who behave this way? Do they even realize what they are doing?
I''ll ask my mother this weekend.
kick her in the cunt.
I do this and really don''t mean to...it''s a very bad habit and I try my best to not do it..for me, my brain is going so fast and I think if I don''t get my thought out it will disappear.
Men interrupt more than women who''ve been brought up to be polite and wait until the other person finishes a sentence.
Next time she walks into a room proclaiming something, keep right on talking to the person you were talking to and completely ignore this woman. If she continues to try to talk over your conversation turn around and tell her that you are in the middle of a conversation and turn back around.\
There was a woman who was like this in my office and we learned to ignore her and freeze her out - she finally got the message.
I work with one like that--whenever I have to sit in a staff meeting with her I have to sit at the other end of the room because she is very, VERY loud. Plus, she gets pissed off, folds her arms and glowers when it''s not her turn to speak. The irony? She''s a librarian.
ADHD plus insecurity.%0D\
I don''t think they are doing it on purpose or with bad intent. They just speak out what goes through their minds without a filter and they aren''t secure enought to talk about anything else than themselves or the weather.
Loud may have to do with some degree of deafness. Rude, no excuse.
One of my closest female friends does this constantly, and I think it is insecurity as well...\
For example, we''ll be watching tv and I''ll start to say, "I really don''t like the way that actress..." and before I can say the last word, she say, "Walks..I know! It is so repulsive."\
And I was not going to say anything about the way she walks.\
I think she is trying so hard to have people agree with her or feel "in" on something that she just has to finish what you are saying.
I too have a friend who constantly interrupts to guess the end of my sentences/anecdotes. He is mostly wrong. But either way, it is very tiresome.
My oldest niece does this constantly. She came by it naturally as her mother did it too. I''ve chastised my niece many times about it to the point of getting angry, especially during phone conversations. I''ll be talking and she just bursts right in and starts running her mouth. Just last week she did this and it pissed me off so much is said very sternly "WELL WHY DON''T WE JUST BOTH TALK AT THE SAME TIME"! That phone conversation ended rather abruptly.
I knew someone like this. And then he died.
What about the flipside - people who take too long to tell a story, or they talk so quickly and incessantly that they don''t allow others to get a word in so other people are forced to interrupt just to get the story over with or to make a point before the context of the conversation that makes the point relevant has passed. \
These nonstop talkers bother me more than people who interrupt.
There can be several reasons for this. I grew up in a family where conversation was a competitive event. Dinner was always a very lively affair. However, once I got out in the world, I realized that not everyone grew up in a family such as mine, and I had to adjust. I am from a pretty WASPy background, but I wonder if the woman in question is Italian or Jewish.\
My partner interrupts me all the time. His problem is that he will not wait until the end of the sentence to get all of the information. If he does not understand something, he immediately asks a question rather than allow me to finish a sentence. (We tried to learn German together. The fact that the verb was often at the end of the sentence made his head explode.)
[quote]What about the flipside - people who take too long to tell a story, or they talk so quickly and incessantly that they don''t allow others to get a word in so other people are forced to interrupt just to get the story over with or to make a point before the context of the conversation that makes the point relevant has passed. %0D\
I know a guy, very nice, but it takes him so long to tell a story. He goes on and on, in detail, about every little thing down to what a person was wearing and every word single exchanged. Most people are nodding off or have that look of stupefaction you get when your eyes glaze over by the time the story ends. A woman I know talks on and on and on, absolute nonsensical chatter. She can talk forever and say nothing of consequence. Most of the time I''ve seen her she''s seemed a little drunk and I suspect she drinks too much and mixes with prescription pills. What''s scary is she''s a nurse.
My ex neighbor, who talks incessantly and LOUDLY, then cackles loudly after everything she says does this. On the rare occasion you get a word in she''ll interrupt, sometimes in mid-sentence, about something totally different. Or, sometimes, and this absolutely kills me, after she''d been monopolizing the entire conversation for what seems like ages (as usual) she acts like you''re the one who''s blabbing on and she can''t get away. Some people just don''t like to listen. She still keeps in touch, but after getting together with her for lunch with another neighbor of mine when she was in town, my patience has really worn thin. She''s also hypersensitive it seems.
My partner is like that as well R15, It is like he is one of those talking dolls from the 1960s. Once the string is pulled he has to go through the whole recording. More than once he has made the mistake of saying "to make a long story short" only to be told "too late". He also has been told more than once, "Does this story have a point?" He finds these comments very hurtful, but he cannot change the way his mind works.
R16 people like that are self-centered with a dash of ADHD. I know a woman who talks incessantly and will ask you a question but before you can finish she is talking about something else. I also know a very elderly woman who talks only about herself and her family and praises her kids to the skies but has never once asked another person if they are married, have kids, what their job is. She does''t have the slightest interest or clue about anyone of her neighbor''s lives. It''s all her.
I, like r13, interrupt because I am afraid that I will forget what I was going to say. I am very scatterbrained. I am not a nonstop talker, however, and get annoyed by them as well. My partner and I went out to dinner with chatty older friends of hers last weekend. They talked so much that I couldn''t get a word in. They called my partner afterwards and said that they couldn''t believe how quiet I am. Geez.
I dated a guy who constantly interupted me. Drove me crazy. When ever I would start to say somethng he would interupt, and just talk right over me. The one time I asked him about it, he said that he did it because he knew what I was going to say as soon as I started to talk. We broke up after a long weekend spent camping. It was the closest thing to hell I could imagine. I ended up screaming at him over nd over again that he didn''t know what I was going to say, and he needed to shut the fuck up. Not my proudest moment, but I''m glad he''s not part of my life anymore
Sometimes people just need to be told about themselves, r20. Good for you! If more people stood up to these assholes and shut them down, perhaps eventually there would be fewer of them...
I have found that insecure people do this often and several of my close friends do it.\
It drives me nuts and they are mostly women. I don''t see them that much so I just put up with it when we get together for dinner.
I sometimes do the finish peoples'' sentences thing and it drives people who love me crazy....
There, I admitted it.
We have an idiot in this office who talks over everyone all the time, saying "yeah, yeah, yeah" repeatedly, until you want to punch her in the mouth. It''s how you know she''s tuned out what''s being said, and only occurs when actual work is being discussed, never during boring stories about kids or pets. Did I mention she''s the boss? Well: she''s the boss.
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
My partner''s mother does this. Drives me nuts. And if you try to ignore her she keeps saying ''excuse me'' until you answer her. Then she goes off on another topic.\
She''s starting to get dementia and says the same things over and over. It''s really hard sometimes to be patient with her.
Poor old bird...
The ability to listen is a gift.
Count me in with those who are annoyed by people who finish your sentences incorrectly. I know a guy who is married to an idiot like this. It drives me insane. And since I can''t stand her, I have no problem saying, "No, that''s not at all what I was going to say." Then again, since she always gets it wrong in such a ridiculous way, I''m starting to wonder if she does it on purpose just to annoy me. If so, job well done.
I deal with people like that all the time and there is absolutely no excuse for there behavior even with an adhd diagnosis. its just an excuse for there selfish and rude behavior. it's not like they couldn't work on it. I have had many people talk over me, interrupt me and allowing others to interrupt me while having a conversation with them. It;s pointless in trying to have a conversation with people like that because anything that you are trying to say will be in response to some kind of interruption. I just don't bother with idiots who can't show any proper respect. Plain and simple
Overlapping a normal conversational thing people do, overlap speech. It indicates interest, engagement in conversation. The reason Howard Hawks films all sound natural is that he put extra words in each line so actors could deliberately overlap.
When people get irritated by overlapping and call it interrupting, they are playing a powergame. "No-one dare interrupt me because what I am saying is so important"
The real problem is the inflated ego of the person complaining who is trying to control the situation to make everything revolve around them
ANYWAY! Last night my cat bit me! Can you believe it?! It's not like I haven't been feeding him or anything! Maybe he's still angry with me because of that one time I tried to make him wear one of my wigs?? I don't know! This is what we need to be talking about people! Help me figure this puzzle out!!!
Chris Matthews owns this thread.
That bitch Heather owns this thread.
I only do it when some boor is monologuing and forcing everyone to sit captive to whatever inanity he enjoys hearing his own voice blathering. In those situations, I will interrupt as often as possible even with complete nonsequitors.
R33 That's nice and all, but what about my cat?!!
An acquaintence set me up on a date with a European guy, and totally embellished how good he would treat me. I'm female, BTW.
Every time I'd try to tell the dude something about me, he'd interrupt with a "Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar!" cadence. He bumped into people and didn't apologize, and when we went into the restautant, instead of waiting for a table inside, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out onto the patio. The server looked very embarrassed when I asked for a dinner menu and had to tell me we could only get appetizers out there. I was a little chunky then, however, my friend had promised I'd be wined and dined.
The cheap bastard put down single mothers (I'm a single mom) and was generally a Eurotrash chauvinest (sp?). I told him to take me home, and he stopped for gas! At the gas station, a street bum asked for, and received cash from the dude, then hollered at me, "That's a good man you got there!"
He kept trying to get me to go home with him, saying, "Haven't you ever had a couple of drinks and get to know someone?" Told the guy I could see him coming a mile away and no thanks!
He Was Also Way Too Loud
I was talking with someone a few days ago who asked me three different questions, then interrupted as soon as I began answering. After he did it the third time, I realized he had no interest in what I had to say.
Turned out he was buttering me up so he could ask me for a loan. I would have been more likely to give it to him if he hadn't acted like that. He made it so easy to say no.
I once worked with a 55ish woman who was just like this. She was raising her toddler grandson because of some long troubled story about the daughter/mother. The grandson was diagnosed as autistic and what I immediately thought (but never said) was, well, no wonder -- the child's brain circuitry probably snapped, being confronted with that maniacal in-your-face loudness all the time. Frankly, I too fell a few notches on the autism scale after a five-minute interaction with this woman!
Conversation is not the art of listening. It's the art of waiting.
Yes, I am guilty. Sometimes, it takes someone forever to get to the point. Sometimes, I am interested in someone's story and interject and ask questions.
I notice that I don't do it all the time but mostly when I am anxious or agitated and I need info.
[quote]Just last week she did this and it pissed me off so much is said very sternly "WELL WHY DON'T WE JUST BOTH TALK AT THE SAME TIME"!
Reminds me of an episode of American Dad where Stan got tired of his son Steve always screeching, and so when he finally had enough, he literally yelled back at Steve. I don't remember what he said, but it was hella funny.
I know someone who talks loud because of a deaf family member, but I also know that she talks a great deal of several subjects, but nothing below surface about herself. She doesn't ask personal questions of others because she doesn't want others to ask personal questions of her in return. She came from a horrible childhood and is ashamed and hasn't resolved any of it.
I only found out about some of the things when she got pissed at me about something and dropped the information as a comparison and never expanded on it.
Bitch needs to be in therapy.
Non-stop talkers are awful but especially when you are stuck on a bus or plane with one. Sometimes you can strike up a wonderful conversation with a stranger but other times it's hellish. I find it very weird when someone you don't know is suddenly saying 'Well, George said ... ' as if you have the slightest idea who he might be. Some of these people are shut-ins who just need to blab until their batteries run out.
[quote]I do this and really don't mean to...it's a very bad habit and I try my best to not do it..for me,
It's possible to break the habit. When I realized I had once again interrupted, I'd apologize and redirect the conversation back to the original topic. Now I can't remember the last time I did it.
A former friend of mine used to do this a lot. She'd talk about herself ALL the fucking time, and if anyone else actually managed to get in a word or two edgewise, she'd interrupt them and find a way to relate it to herself. Our friendship finally ended when she once told me that she loved "Sex And The City", and my immediate response was, "Of course you do. Those four are irritating, self-absorbed cunts just like you are."
She hasn't spoken to me since.
My ex's mother would talk endlessly, seriously for hours without a breath, about herself and only herself and if you ever managed to interject anything that was about anything not specifically about her into the "conversation" she would completely ignore it and keep railroading on or say she had to go now.
I much prefer interrupters to self-absorbed cretins who think they're always standing at a dais.
OP, that sounds exactly like my co-worker. And she does this to our boss constantly. He'll be speaking about something job related and she'll interrupt and finish his sentence, but he'll say, "That's not where I was going with this." So he'll start up again, but she'll interrupt again. So now his blood is boiling and raising his voice at her, but rather than shutting up and listening, she'll keep talking over him, pissing him off even more. Afterwards, she'll go around telling people in the office how mean and nasty he is towards her and say things like, "What's wrong with him? He's sure in a foul mood."
I have a good friend with whom I have lunch or dinner with once or twice a week. Unfortunately, he often invites a common acquaintance to join us. My friend feels somewhat sorry for this fellow, as he's lonely and socially awkward.
Unfortunately, he's also a droner and an interrupter. I find myself not bothering to try to converse, and I certainly can't enjoy the time talking with my friend because this boor is constantly finishing sentences and launching into the most boring stories.
I feel badly for the guy, but I don't have a lot of social time available and I feel like every minute of torture with this person is time stolen from me and my friend, so, unfairly, I resent him for it. Not to mention it's detrimental to my blood pressure.
Unfortunately, calling attention to it only hurts his feelings. So I avoid the situation whenever possible.
It means they are stupid, insecure, rude and have no social skills.
This problem could really be solved by the mentally ill soliloquists just staying home and posting on the internet like our own dear Rolland.
I work with some like that. I simply say: ˝Can I finish, please?˝ or ˝Let me finish, please?˝
I do it by interrupting their interruption. Fuck them. It must be some type of short attention span, I don't know what else.
The person at work is a man.
[quote] The reason Howard Hawks films all sound natural is that he put extra words in each line so actors could deliberately overlap.
If only all interrupters were charming and witty like Carry Grant and Kate Hepburn.
In any case, a lot of fast talking in Hawks's comedies was about men and women not being able to connect or have a dialogue. So, you are not using a very good example here. And Hawks believed that action showed emotions better than words, which is why his characters were so loose with words in many of his films. Not all though, just his screwball comedies.
R47, I'm in the same boat. I have an old roommate I miss. However, her husband has a total loser friend. I've stopped accepting invitations to dinner at their house, because this jackass is almost always invited. He'll show up, kill an ongoing conversation and launch into a droning account of some unbelievably trivial matter. I ask her out to lunch so I can control the guest list.
Altman and Cassavetes did the same but better than Hawks.
I have a friend (male, surprisingly) who has got to speak over 15,000 words a day, I swear. He'll go off on tangents based on tangents based on tangents until you get lost and cannot even remember WTF his original thought was. It is physically and mentally EXHAUSTING. Every time I call him or stop by (because I'm lonely and don't have many friends in the area) I quickly regret it--every single time! I've even told him before, "Lets play a game! It's called BE QUIET AND DON'T SAY A WORD FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!" I hang up the phone or leave his place so relieved that it's finally over, and vow never to subject myself to that again...only to eventually do it again.
Comparing Altman and Cassavetes to Hawks is like comparing apples to oranges. Hawks was a true studio system director. He was one of the few directors who successfully transitioned from one genre to another, all within the limits of the system he belonged to. Still he was able to make films that were a reflection of his worldview, which was not an easy feat (one that was first recognized by the french critics in the early 50s). Altman and Cassavetes were true independents, from an entirely different time.
I havent met one biracial who was NOT loud
And I have a friend who does it as well. At dinner our attorney buddy was describing how, as executor, he went to the fabulous condo of the deceased to go through all the drawers. We anticipated a great story and A. interrupted, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHY WOULD YOU GO THROUGH HER DRAWERS?"
I told her a few days later that it was the last time he would ever see us socially and it was because of her. She said she had ADHD, which I doubt, since she was valedictorian of our HS and had great grades at Northwestern. She did have two cerebral aneurisms (SP?) and her memory's been spotty ever since. But also, she's Greek and her whole family does this.
What certainly doesn't help it is all of those supposed mini "debates" that they have on CNN etc where they bring two people on to talk about something and the rightwinger will talk over whoever the other person is. Some psychos repeat this behavior, thinking this is how a point is gotten across and imagine they are impressive and assertive.
Interrupting is extremely rude, but non-stop talkers are very very annoying.
My work hired a woman like that once. Everyone else would be working, and she would sit there and look around at everyone, and then suddenly start yapping. And this happened *all the time*, it wasn't just once in a while.
Not surprisingly, she wasn't getting any work done while she yakked, which was even more annoying. If she'd been able to multi-task while chatting, it wouldn't have been so bad, but nope.
I have a friend who does this...he's 62. Once, and only once have I lost my temper towards him regarding this interrupting. He looked so shocked and hurt, that I never did it again. And he STILL interrupts. Our mutual friend has spoken to him about possible hearing issues.
My ex's mother was like this. She was very opinionated and everything with her was a monologue. If you attempted to interject a comment, it was TALK TO THE HAND! She'd hold up her hand in your face, turn her head away from you, and keep yapping. My partner had given up on her long ago and just let her run on.
One day I finally lost it and said "WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP??!" The silence was overwhelming... and then they BOTH jumped on me for being rude and disrespectful, etc. I realized that nothing was ever going to change and my partner was obviously siding with Mommy, so that was the end of our relationship. It wasn't the best way to handle it, but I couldn't take it any more.
The worst are shy people who get drunk
The people who do this are usually narcissists. One of the tell-tale signs of narcissism in extraordinary impatience with others, and they get impatient with conversations because they feel it's always their turn to talk.
Probably the best way I know how to handle this is, if someone keeps doing this in a conversation, call them out on it but don't get mad: "Please let me finish speaking before you speak; that's being rude to me otherwise." It won't work with psychopaths but works for most other people.
[quote]I too have a friend who constantly interrupts to guess the end of my sentences/anecdotes.
I find myself doing this but only with one friend in particular. It takes him forever to get to a point and I can't help but place the next word for him so he can continue.
I had a next door neighbor who became sort of a friend who was like that. She was always interrupting people, talking over them, and trying to dictate the flow of a conversation. It turned out that she was hiding many secrets, including the circumstances under which she had left her previous job, moved to our city, her finances, family, all sorts of things. In retrospect, it explains her behavior: she was trying to steer conversations from anything that would take her out of her comfort zone and would push her to answer questions about her past.
[quote]I had a next door neighbor who became sort of a friend who was like that. She was always...
Me too. It was non-stop. Constantly talking over me.
[quote]It turned out that she was hiding many secrets, including the circumstances under which she had left her previous job...
Oh, give me a break with excuses. Seriously. She's just needing to get her opinion out there and her opinion is all that matters.
[quote]she was trying to steer conversations from anything that would take her out of her comfort zone and...
That's what a lot of people and it drives me insane.
I had a friend from the Port Richmond area of Philadelphia, a part of town not known for its manners. He constantly interrupted us, especially when we talked about something he knew nothing about. He blurt out and say, "I don't know anything about this subject, can we talk about something else?" while we were talking. Drove me mad, but I tried to be accepting of his stank white trash ass because he had serious family issues. His parents were godawful people, even worse than mine. He was on disability and would use his food stamps to purchase cheesesteaks and hoagies, instead of buying food that required cooking. His home was overrun by roaches too. Eventually we lost contact because he was just to controlling and insane.
My Dad used to say, "your mother talks 20 miles per hour, with gusts up to 50."
I have a co-worker who not only constantly interrupts me in the middle of a sentence....while I am giving report so I can leave .....she also rolls in 1 minute before the hour every day and because we have to give shift report and count meds and stuff incoming staff are supposed to come in 15 mins before shifts start and she NEVER has,.....she is just rude ....and thoughtless...I have already been there for a 10 hour shift and Icame in for report before my shift in plenty of time so outgoing staff can leave on time and I am constantly 10 or 15 mins after my shift is over !!!!!
OK sorry just had to vent somewhere
"People Who Constantly Talk Over or Interrupt Others"
They're called straight men, OP. You may as well use the the nomenclature with the most brevity.
I know a 70 year old woman, who interupts all conversations , and no matter what you say she has a better story, also noticed this woman apart from a control freak, is one of the biggest liars you can imagine, beware loud voice cottesloe, avoid at all cost
there is a woman at cottesloe beach, who yells and interupts all conversations, and can she lie, she thinks of herself as maggie thatcher ugh repulsive bit of work.
Clearly they're insane. Avoid them.
[quote]I find it very weird when someone you don't know is suddenly saying 'Well, George said ... ' as if you have the slightest idea who he might be.
OMG, my friend is like this with me!
We'll be talking about, say, the weather, and she'll suddenly say something like "I really didn't like that show, did you?"
And I'll be like "wtf are you talking about?!?"
And then she gets upset cuz she has to "repeat" herself!
I swear, it's like she has a convo running in her head and just assumes that I can hear it, too.
My sister does this constantly, we just tell her to shut up and let people finish speaking.
[quote]Chris Matthews owns this thread.
I agree r31. The thread could have stopped with his name.
[quote]I have a co-worker who ... rolls in 1 minute before the hour every day and because we have to give shift report and count meds and stuff incoming staff are supposed to come in 15 mins before shifts start and she NEVER has... I came in for report before my shift in plenty of time so outgoing staff can leave on time and I am constantly 10 or 15 mins after my shift is over !!!!!
My stepdad was a fireman for 35 years, and the unwritten agreement that all the firemen had was that they'd arrive 30 mins early each shift (so that the outgoing guys didn't have to take any last-minute calls that'd put them into overtime).
Sometimes, they'd get a newbie asshole who thought the rule didn't apply to him, and he'd show up right on time instead of early like everyone else.
After a guy did this more than once (and had been told the "rule"), the other fireman would make his working life miserable: mean "pranks", cold food, spit in his food, freeze him out of conversations, etc. And most importantly, the guy who would replace the asshole wouldn't come in early, either, so the jerk would be the one inconvenienced.
After a few shifts like this, the assholes would always change their tune and fall in line.
I have a friend who likes to interrupt with "organ recitals." Medical issues. If someone is talking about an operation he may have to undergo, she will pipe up with "the same thing happened to me, except it was much worse," before the guy gets three words out of his mouth. He may be scared, anticipating this operation, but the woman simply must let him know that "I've been there, it was horrible, and there were comlications that were almost unbearable. I hope that doesn't happen in your case."
I have actually stopped the conversation at this point. "This isn't about you!" I said. "We're trying to listen to Tim right now." And she'll say, "I know, I know, it's just that I've been through the same thing and I want to help too."
I understand wanting to put your two cents in if you have undergone the same trials and tribulations, but at least let the person get his story out first. Ugh.
When people spend a lot of time together, you think you know what the other person is going to say. Or you have heard the person said it before. You want to show it that you remember what he told you before, so you finish his sentence. He was very upset I did that. Is it so wrong to show it to the other person that you pay attention to what he said in the past and what he is saying now. If you don't want this, then don't tell me the repeated story.
I have a friend who doess several of the things mentioned in this thread. The talking loudly over people is a habit he never had until he went to live in the US for a few years.
The thing he does which really annoys me is to anticipate/guess/assume people's opinions and then start arguing with the opinions he has imagined.
We used to be close but I find it quite hard to be around him these days.
A former friend of mine always used to do something like this. He didn't interrupt, but no matter what you started to say, his response was to turn the subject immediately back to himself. He told me once (and I could tell his feelings were hurt) that this other friend of ours actually asked him once, why are you always turning the subject back to yourself? I didn't have the heart to confirm to him that that other friend was right.
I've been diagosed with extreme ADHD and OCD (my doc said I am one of her worse cases and she has been in the field for over 30 years). I have 4 children and my wife. I also have a very successful career in sales in software (consultant for several companies). I use to get so mad when people interrupt me but later found out that I am equally as guilty. I have found people are like me that have a hard time focusing on conversations and when a thought hits, we have to state or it will be gone for a long time. And there are other people that have poor communication skills. Its amazing when you ask a classroom of adults if they have taken a listening class/seminar. And even more interesting when they ask you, "what class?"
I think it can be wrapped up into one word, "habit". Even with disabilities like ADHD, you can try to adapt and do better. I am currently not on medication because the extreme effects all medicine can have on my body. So I have had to learn to do everything naturally by reading topics like psychology, NLP, meditation, interpersonal skills, etc.
Sorry for drawn out comment but I understand both sides. Its very hard to hold back your thoughts but at the same time it is annoying to be cut off.
One technique I use is what I use in advertising. Say as little as possible but enough to catch their attention.
The talking loudly thing is often either gradually losing your hearing and being unaware of it, or spending a lot of time talking to deaf people. A lot of Americans have grown up with loud music and earbuds and as they age, they slowly and gradually lose hearing. They don't even realize they're turning up the tv louder and talking louder so they can understand all the words. I lived with a hearing impaired person and you do end up talking loudly, otherwise every other word is "What"? and it's as annoying as hell. It's hard to break the habit. Since everybody over 40 on America has hearing loss, it's not surprising.
It won't be long now before people will be losing their hearing even younger. My nephew used to race in motocross as a pre-teen. With no earplugs. It didn't occur to his parents he might need to preserve his hearing. This really pissed me off when I found out about it, I asked them about it but they didn't see what the problem was.
I have a male co-worker who does this. I notice it's only with other women and ESPECIALLY if that woman is talking with the boss. And it will nothing to do with their conversation- he'll just start his own from across the room.
It's like clockwork. He will be minding his own business and ignoring everyone unless someone is speaking to the boss.
Coworker A (female):"Hey boss, I need to talk to you about these numbers..."
Boss:"Ok, what do you have..." (a minute of conversation passes between the two....)
Coworker A: "...So you see, If I could get this infor—"
Asshole: WOW! DID YOU SEE THE YANKEES PLAY, THAT GAME WAS AMAZING. I HAD TICKETS AND WE HAD GOOD SEATS!!!!
Boss: " Uh... really? That's neat..."
And the whole conversation is de-railed. What pisses me off is that the Boss NEVER calls him out on interrupting the conversation. The asshole is always humored.
R29: When people get irritated by overlapping and call it interrupting, they are playing a power-game. "No-one dare interrupt me because what I am saying is so important"
The real problem is the inflated ego of the person complaining who is trying to control the situation to make everything revolve around them.....
I totally agree! I feel inferior and end up keeping quiet through conversations, many times I could feel like I couldn't edge a word in or that I just have nothing to input. I put my listening face on and after an hour or two, biting my tongue to stay awake!
If it's a cute guy doing the interrupting, take him over your knee and spank the living daylights out of him. If it's a woman, she may deserve to be bitchslapped, otherwise just walk away from her in mid-sentence--if it's an ugly and/or fat guy do the same.
I think it is a sense of their over importance,
that they are the only one who has anything important to say,It seems also a major discount to those who are speaking,perhaps intentional or unintentional.TO me it is a controlling mechanism and I think it is all a symptom of low self esteem and insecurity.
You'd love my family op.
My sister screams when people interrupt her but it's impossible not to. It takes her a fucking hour to tell a story.
Call them on it when they do it.
"I'm sorry, but you keep interrupting me. Do you want me to talk, or should I just listen to you?"
Marty 'Ethel Merman' Holtman!
I do it, I hate that I do it though. I just have no patience with people sometimes and want to get them to their point. If I have the answer or an insight that might stop their long story, I'll try to throw it in.
An example might be like this. My boss might walk into my office and say
"I just got this email from Mary about the new..."
and before she finishes I'll say "Yep, took care of it. Don't worry."
Why have her spill out the details of the email when I already know what it is about and it's already been dealt with?
Ditto to the person who says they are afraid of their train of thought also being forgotten, that happens to me too.
Another thing? Narcissism. If I have the answer, or something funny, I want to say it first before anyone else, haha!
This is why you have no friends, r96.
I love my best friend, even though she insists on foisting her friends upon me. This friend of a friend not only interrupts, and goes on and on about banalities, but she answers questions for others. If you ask someone a question,she will horn in with the answer. Or she will "adopt" someone's anecdote or story as if it were hers. In addition she is a passive-aggressive pearl clutcher who is chronically late for everything.
Finally asked my friend not to include me if that woman is in the mix.
My experience is that ADHD and big ego/know-it-all-ness often come in the same package. At least that's how I define it, and I've just met another person like this whom I think I need to drop because it's so freaking annoying.
I am polite and secure, and can often learn something new or interesting by listening to people. I know: revolutionary! The problem is it seems to attract annoying a-holes that like me because I "listen". After one too many interruptions and failures to catch a clue, I drop these people - gladly - but they are always mystified and hurt, and come up with ego-centric explanations for why I don't want to see them. So basically I'm starting to conclude it's hopeless.
It's been good therapy reading everyone's complaints. Thanks! (and wtf is wrong with people these days!?)
I do this all the time. I think it is like R14 said. I grew up in a big family, six kids, you had to be sharp and quick out of the gate to be heard.
I've been getting a lot better at though. I found it's tolerated a lot less in the adult workplace. So I've honestly told my friends to say right to me when I do it: "you're interrupting. Knock it off." Not to be nice about it at all.
It's working and I'm getting a lot better at not doing it. I'm even catching myself. I stop talking and say sorry I interrupted and let the person go on.
I really want to break myself of this habit.
People who constantly talk over or interrupt others are called NEW YORKERS.
I have a good friend who CONSTANTLY interrupts me, then almost immediately apologizes for interrupting me.
He says it's because he has ADD. I had a hard time paying attention in school because I was bored, so I think I have some idea about ADD, and that maybe I had/have it, too.
But I don't interrupt people while we're talking. At least, I don't think I do. No one's ever told me I do.
I feel like people use the excuse of having ADD or ADHD (my brother, if "H" stands for "hostility") to excuse any and every bit of rudeness they inject into a situation.
My friend I first spoke of knows he does this. That's the reason for the apology. I wish he'd just stop interrupting. But I'm not holding my breath.
Who knew that the OP worked with Sarah Palin?
i am in exactly the same situation where a colleague of mine continues to complete my sentences because she thinks i am cool enough to grab public attention. she tries to interrupt interrupt and interrupt me all the time. she even leads me to embarassing situations where both of us are found speaking at the same time and in the end it is me who decides to quit and leave the conversation!
My mother does this on the phone. She calls because she has to, then tells everyone she knows she called me so they will know how involved and caring she is (she also tells everyone about any money she sends). But she will talk over your sentences; she'll ask a question then answer it herself.
My family is just the opposite - everything must be repeated twice. Example:
I ask a question and any family member will automatically reply "What?"
I finally got so sick of asking simple questions twice that I wouldn't repeat the question. The family member almost always responds, therefore they really did hear the question. WTF?
My family is exactly the same, R107. "What??" to every question.
It drives me bugfuck. I too stopped repeating myself and they have the balls to get mad at _me_.
If it is any consolation, to see this repeated, I agree with reply #7, "ADHD...". Not that there are not other reasons, but this is definitely one of them. My mother does this, always has - it can be really heartbreaking to a child because it give the message one is not listened to. Soo.... if you have a parent that does this to you, be consoled that sometimes it is simply that they can't help themselves. ADHD, or ADD types sometimes, but not in everyone, tend to blurt out whatever comes to mind immediately. They learn to get it out before they forget because many have short-term memory difficulties, or they may not filter relative to what is supposed to be attended to, properly. So, the upside is, once you get that, you learn to be a more compassionate person. 's a tough lesson about the reality of human relations, and love. Hope this helps someone out there.
I don't know anyone who does this. I think I would want to slap someone like this. I can't stand to watch Chris Matthews. I'd just shove my fist in his face.
I have two friends who are very bad conversationalists. The guy goes on endless monologues where he tells the same story over and over again just from different angles. The woman also talks a lot and she quite often interrupts people. I think they both don't realise this. Like they are on a one track mind when it comes to talking.
I quite often wonder about this and how people are wired differently when it comes to paying attention and being interested in your environment and other people around them.
Would be interesting to find out what an expert on social interactions has to say about this.
A number of the people being discussed sound like they have Histrionic Personality Disorder. My mum's been diagnosed with it and it's really hard to get a word in when she starts one of her rambling monologues. She also constantly interrupts people, walks into rooms talking loudly and expects other people to stop their conversations mid sentence to listen to her. She's always been volatile, self involved and attention seeking, the "life of the party" but difficult to live with everyday. The psychiatric diagnosis coalesced many of her behaviours and made good sense. Unfortunately the disorder can't be medicated or cured- only managed through Behavioural Cognitive Therapy, Biofeedback and similar techniques. And many HPD people stop going to treatments because they crave novelty.
OP, is she italian?
May I suggest the following, which works pretty well with mouthy teenagers as well.
Raise your hand in a non-threatening manner, look them in the eye. When they return eye contact, calmly say with authority, "I'm sorry, please let me finish."
If you are doing this on someone's behalf, don't make eye-contact. Continue looking towards the one who was speaking and make the hand gesture at the interrupter.
Chances are, these folks are aware they have this problem. No need to make them feel badly.
My mum does this with me every single time I see her. It has drove me crazy for a very long time now. And i can't bring it to her attention as i know she will either interrupt me again, while at the same time be very annoyed that i complained about her at all (she thinks she can do nothing wrong). I have several past experiences with her where i have tried to tell her something like this, & she immediately took it the wrong way/changed the subject/interrupted, which then obviously left me to get even more annoyed, which then ended up in an argument with her. Then it's me who looks like an idiot in the end. But really, if she would just listen to what i have to say in the first place instead of interrupting then there wouldn't be an argument!
I am very tired of people who never ask a question of the person to whom they are talking and the person who they are trying to get to know.
It NEVER occurs to them to ask a question to get to know the person better or to show interest in the life of the other person.
I can ask them many questions seeking to get to know them better and to show an interest in them and their life, but they never ask me even one question about me.
I spoke with a neighbor for two hours yesterday - I had spoken with her only 20 minutes a couple of years ago so this was a get-together to get to know each other better.
She did not ask me even one question about myself, but was very happy to talk about herself for two hours.
I'm sorry, did you say something OP?
My mother is a retired college professor, and when we go visit my partner and I always turn to each other and say okay, are we ready to be talked at for the next hour? Then when she finally winds down my partner or I will be talking and she'll turn to my dad and say 'do you need some more wine? Give me your plate, no, no pass the plate, here, have some more..." just as loud as the person talking. We now stop the conversation dead in its tracks so the only sound you hear is her bossing around my dad. Then it dawns on her she was being rude and will say, oh, um, go ahead. But it happens every time (2 or 3 times a month). She'll also interrupt and lately i just keep talking, getting louder and louder until she finally stops and pouts. Then I ask what she was going to say and she can never remember.
And I love Stephen Colbert, but he has a bad habit of doing that to his guests too. I know some of it is his blowhard character, but sometimes I really want to hear the story behind the book.
Same goes for people who can never be wrong and they constantly adjust what they said just to be saying the same as you.
I do this but not with the intent of being rude. I have a terrible memory and if I don't say what I have to say right away then I'll forget.
My husband says that I'm interrupting him if I say " right " while he is talking to me. He closes his eyes and sighs out loud. I'm not interrupting, I'm agreeing, aren't I?
Try a long, round-trip car ride with a person like this... I had to make several comments "well let me finish what I way trying to say. I wasn't going where you took this conversation to" I would barely finish a short sentence and there she went! Pirates the topic and makes it about something that has nothing to do with where she went with it... It is incredibly rude and drove me insane. One thing for sure, I never want to carpool with her again.
I do that all the time. Some people I meet do the same and I feel comfortable around them. Otherwise I try to stop but it's very difficult. The worst of it is when I do it in professional situations, especially with people I haven't met before.
When I don't do this it's because I am very bored, and then I usually don't speak at all. But as soon as something interests me, I just open my mouth and talk.
Like R121, I do this because I know that otherwise I won't speak at all - either I've forgotten what I wanted to say and the moment's gone (for me) and I'll sound monotone and suicidal. Still, what I say usually is on topic.
When I was a kid it was worse because I really said the first thing that came into my brain.
I believe my mother encouraged this when I was very small because she was living in a different country and I was the only person she knew who spoke her mother tongue. Also, as kids are, I was probably more entertaining than the radio at the time.
Like all the posters before, I'll confirm this has to do with insecurity. When I feel calm I tend to do this less or even not at all.
Actually, one of the reasons why I love DL so much is because it's a forum (and anonymous at that), and sometimes I'll post 5 times in a row just to get thoughts out of my head.
R35 where from in Europe!
Just a reminder to several of you. One doesn't feel badly. One feels bad, unless you're talking about your fingertips not having adequate sensation, which is never what you're talking about, is it?
[quote]My husband says that I'm interrupting him if I say " right " while he is talking to me. He closes his eyes and sighs out loud. I'm not interrupting, I'm agreeing, aren't I?
I don't know, but it sounds like emotional abuse.
As an interrupter, I'd like to mention that I hate Sex and the City. Love Golden Girls, though.
R122, sounds like a controlling asshole, I hope he's got a super hot body with a big dick....or is *very* generous in providing for you and your cubs. Otherwise, and possibly anyway, d-I-v-o-r-c-e.
Imagine dealing with a customer service worker who does this. I talked to one on the phone and it was awful. Every time I spoke, he spoke. When I'd be quiet to allow him to speak, then HE would be silent. I got the feeling that he had some sort of . . . illness. It didn't feel like standard rudeness, but like he actually could not help himself.
That said, I got so angry I considered getting dressed and going down there to visit him face-to-face. I'm no tough guy, but I was curious to see what such a person must look like.
My brother and I do this all the time. I've toned it down over the years though, the result being that while on the phone with him I do the "really ma?" "huh-huh" that Fran Drescher with her mother on the phone. Anyway, we both loved Bringing Up Baby while we were growing up. Today the film bores me after 40 min, I can't take any more of it. He still adores it and is about to show it to his new boyfriend.
I admire you R101. This could be my resolution for 2014.
Many whom I know who do this think the only opinion worth listening to is THEIR OWN.
It helps to look away from the rambler when you start your sentence. He/she will less likely interrupt you if you don't make eye contact. It also helps me to stay calm, focused and finish my sentence, if I don't have to face an insensitive idiot who has no intention of paying attention to what I have to say anyway.
Some famous person once said that if you don't have the ability to listen you never learn anything.
Anyways, it's better to keep away from people like that, most are not very bright, so talking to them is neither inspirational nor educational.
R122, you're being emotionally abused, is right!
I love R128, such a tiny light in the wilderness.
I always find this to be something women do in the workplace. Was in a meeting once with my female boss, the female accts manager and the female CEO and both my boss and the accts mgr talked over me constantly and often off topic. Usually, I can ignore it but it was so obvious and frequent that at one point I turned to the CEO and said something about the two women talking over me and how I couldn't get a word in. In the spirit of the sisterhood the CEO stared blankly at me and allowed it to keep happening.
Men aren't great communicators either but have found women in their 50s and 60s to be the worst at talking over others.
As the Western world continues to breed the self-absorbed like gangbusters, there is one day going to be a HIGH demand for introverts and good listeners, who would do well to charge top dollar for the service of listening.
You just described my obnoxious sister, OP. Talk-yells constantly, interrupts constantly, an incessant contrarian. I'm so glad she's moving to the other side of the country in a few days, 50 yrs was quite enough of putting up with her.
I have several coworkers who do this, all female librarians. One is my good friend, but she just can't help but try to finish your sentences. She knows she does it and tries not to. When she does it to me, I just stop talking and close my eyes until she realizes what she's done and apologizes. That's the only way she will learn!
The worst offender never fucking listens, constantly loudly interrupts, does the "yeah, yeah, yeah" thing... I've told her a couple of times to stop interrupting me. She doesn't get it. The problem is, and I've witnessed this, she will be so busy interrupting that she misreads the whole point of a conversation and will get upset about something that was only in her head. She's retiring soon, thank God.
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" was a bestseller in its time, especially for people in sales. However, today, the "ask questions and be a good listener!" advice just creates more patsies for the boorish, fillibustering monologuists in our midst.
I have a good friend who does this during phone conversations constantly, even acts like I'm irritating him if I try to finish my sentence. I try to only email him now and never offer opinions on why his other friends won't call him back.
I wasn't so nice to a doctor I saw who not only never let me finish a sentence but finished them for me; five minutes in and she had literally made up a dozen diagnoses she claimed I had "told" her about. Had to leave in the middle of the appointment.
Imagine a verbal steamroller who ALSO has to remind you that he is better than you in any category?
When I'm into something I'm saying, like an idea I'm excited about, it drives me crazy to be interrupted. I probably steamroll other people who want to talk. But hey, it's how I work.
My partner meanders around forever and will babble for 10 min about a dog he saw on the street or his friend's haircut or something. We are quite a pair.
Not EVERY category R145, just the important ones.
We call them "Melissa"
r139, That's how I got started interrupting/talking over people. I used to be a good conversationalist but I worked in an office where everyone talked over me so if I had anything to say I had to just say it. I am better about it now, but I have a bad habit of telling anecdotes that no one wants to hear. t
As in Melissa Gilbert, R148?
[quote] But she will talk over your sentences; she'll ask a question then answer it herself.
Sounds like my mom. I barely say a word when we talk on the phone. My favorite part is her saying, right before hanging up, "well, we had a nice talk."
R151, that's a horror. Deep denial.
I know several people who not only talk over and interrupt others, but who respond to any comments made by others by explaining how the same thing happened to them, only worse or bigger or better ...
my mother does this and always has.she told me she does this becuse she's afraid if she doesn't ,then after i finish talking,she will forget what she was going to say.She also(as one here poster confessed about herself)is scatterbrained and always has been.Just ten minutes ago as i was leaving her apartment, i'd begun a conversation about how the apartment complex i live in has changed in the past year and that's asmuch as i got out of my mouth ,and she suddenly looks over toward the end table and quips "is that your pen)?i just said "yeah" ,i put the pen in my pocket and left.she has no clue how irritating she is or how absurd it is trying to converse with her.I don't see her doing this to her friends or acquaintances but maybe she does nd i don't know it.i wonder if she reserves her aggrivating actions for just me.
Well my husband's interrupting and incessant talking have ruined our marriage. I told him 1000 times to stop interrupting. And I cut him off when his sentences never end. At first I tolerated it when we were newly married, but later in the marriage, I couldn't stand it anymore. He recently stated that my telling him to stop talking makes him hate me. Well fine, then be on your way and find someone who wants to listen to all that shit.
R15, nurses ARE scary. That's why it's smart to be on one's best behavior around them or when asking for one's pillow fluffed or bendy-straw bent. Need something for pain? Be nice. We have very little time nor patience for bullshit. Next, please!
I just recently broke up with a friend who talked non stop and who loves to interrupt others. I told her its a compulsion with her and that I find her behavior insensitive. Some people have a one track mind and are stuck in their own small universe.
I agree with some of the others about thinking about things and being afraid you will forget what to say. I do it and I realise it is a bad habit and makes people think you are not listening. The best way, if possible, is to make a quick note of the point you want to get across and this stops a person from interrupting. It is rude and can mean you are not listening to the other person as you are too bothered about getting your point across. It takes practice not to do it and is a bit of an art. I need to work on this more
I had to let a friend have it over this issue a couple of weeks ago. He didn't interrupt me the next time we got together. Now if I could just get him to stop slurping his soup.
I have to watch my caffeine intake related to this. I'm an extremely graceful listener and flexible conversationalist otherwise. But somehow that drug makes me say too much, too fast, too incessantly, and horrible interrupting and jumping on/cutting off other people's input.
My MIL is a constant interrupter. I would be talking about something and she would interrupt loudly about something that had no context based on conversation. I eventually realized I could get exactly two and a half sentences out before status interrupticus. And the subjects she would bring up were always either awful -- like she would suddenly start talking about some woman friend of hers who was supposedly surgically experimented on by the Nazis -- or she would start telling me about someone I'd never met before. "My niece Karen's son was accepted to college. He's very smart. He's a genius. And he loves me. He always tells me how I am his favourite aunt. Did you know that when my children were young, all of their friends would run away from home and come to my house? It was because they liked me so much.
I eventually realized she is a large 3 year old who has to have attention on herself all the time. After 15 years of it, I completely stopped going to her house or to the house of any relative of my husband's, because he always drives his mother to any family event. I have no use for her at all. I've heard every conversation 100 times already and since I never get to converse, why fucking bother? She doesn't want to see me, she wants to hear herself.
She is allowed to come to my house once a year, for a few hours and then my husband must drive her home.
An x would ask a person a question then ask another question before they had finished answering the first one. It drove me nutz.
Yes, he had ADHD. I also think the other poster who said it was ADHD and insecurity got it right. My x did it the most when he was meeting people for the first time.
[quote]I eventually realized she is a large 3 year old who has to have attention on herself all the time.
This is my friend I mentioned upthread. I think of him as a two-ton ten-year-old.
My mother doesn't interrupt, she just one-ups me. No matter what I say, she responds with something related to her. I recently had emergency surgery for a life threatening condition. As in I nearly died. If I mention my health status at all -- I'm in pain or I'm having a side effect of a medication or I make a casual passing remark about the gassyness of some food I've eaten (I have GI condition), she will immediately tell me about one time when she had SUCH bad pain, she could not walk. She could not get out of bed. And despite that, she went to work and worked like a dog for 10 hours because she had no choice.
Gas? She's doubled over with gas pain all the time. She has to take milk of magnesia every day. For forty years, she's had such bad gas pain every single day of her life that tears would come to her eyes as she held it in. But not anymore. Now she just lets it rip. (As if I need to be told).
Any subject at all. I'm buying a new dining room chandelier, she launches into a monologue about her dining room light, about a beautiful chandelier owned by her former boss thirty years ago, about a relative who had a Waterford chandelier and who would have a chandelier party every year, inviting her friends. They'd take down the chandelier and take it apart and wash it and put it back together .....
And, if I've heard the story 500 times, it doesn't matter. She'll start off with, "And Aunt Suzie had a ...."
I interrupt, "Waterford crystal chandelier and had a chandelier party every year. Yeah, I know. You've told me the story many, many times."
She says, "Waterford crystal chandelier. And every year, she'd have a party..etc" and the story would be told word for word as it has been told 499 times before. As if I am going to find it more interesting this time.
But most of her stories are negative, because she's a very negative person. I grew up listening to her criticize everything and everybody and that was how I learned to converse. So all of my conversations involved criticism, complaints or snarkyness. I though that was normal. Finally one day, someone told me in a roomful of people during a work break that I was the most negative person he'd ever met, never talking except to say something critical or nasty. I was terribly embarrassed, but realized it was true. I'd been brought up to be a snarly person.
I changed the way I conversed. I began asking people more questions about themselves, their lives, etc and would listen to find who they were and how they felt, instead of my airing some gripe about working conditions. Now I converse "normally," which -- to me -- is asking each other about ourselves, listening to the answers, expressing sympathy or empathy for the other person. If I have been in a similar situation where I've had trouble in my life as my friend has, I don't automatically launch into a recital of my own experience. I continue to ask the other person about their situation, giving them a chance to vent and maybe get some anxiety out of their system.
When I suggested this type of conversation to my mother, she had a fit. Because she can criticize everyone and everything, but she cannot be criticized herself because she is perfect. There's nothing wrong with the way she converses.
My husband is the type of person who, if you ask him what time it is, will give you a history of sundials and timepieces and watches and wall clocks, etc, etc and your eyes glaze over and you forget what you asked him and walk away..
Actually, he can't do that because he's not smart enough, but it's an example of how he talks. He cannot get to the point without taking a hundred detours. He loves to talk and drones on and on. He gets lost driving to places he's been to dozens of times before because he was so wrapped up (or rapt up) in his conversation with me or on the cellphone, that he misses crucial expressway exits, or turns onto the wrong highway.
I hardly speak to him anymore.
I'm embarrassed to admit I had been doing this with my elderly mother lately. I've been forcing myself to stop, and I think I've gotten a hold of it.
This is usually how it goes:
[italic]Mom: Why don' t you call your sister and ask...
Me: I'm not asking her to come over and eat. This isn't a soup kitchen.
Mom: I was going to say ask her if your father and me can go over for a visit this week.[/italic]
Then I feel like shit.
My brother-in-law does this. My sister thinks it's because he's hard of hearing. I think it's because he has to have control of the conversation, and everything else.
My loud-interrupting colleague really did it this time. She was talking so loudly about a patron (we work in a library) that another patron overheard and it got the library in some big trouble.
I had to talk to her in my office about it. I like her, but I'd had it. She started to interrupt as I was speaking, and I put my hand up and said, "Stop. Let me finish, and don't ever interrupt me again." I was nice but firm, and she's been pouty ever since. At least she's not interrupting anymore!