Why do high-maintenance women always seem to attract nice guys?
Why is it that nice girls, who want to do stuff for guys, take care of them, go out of their way to cook for them, clean for them, challenge them, take interest in what they''re interested in...fall short?? And then guys go after women who want to be pampered, spoiled, and often act bossy? WHY? Is this some kind of universal rule? GHMPH.
They want to be married to their mothers.
What does GHMPH mean?
They really are sadists.
If you can find the answer, please also forward it to the "why do bad guys always seem to attract nice girls" people. TIA.
Men think with their dicks. They want the hot one to date and to look good on their arms. \
Of course, a lot of them are immature and also want someone to mother them, so they marry their mothers and have affairs with the hot, attractive ones.
What R2 said.
What about the guys with the high maintenance uggos?
I''m assuming mother issues, R7. \
Either that, or they''re closeted and don''t care about what the woman looks like, as long as she facilitates his career--David Fincher for example.
They want the hot chick enough to put up with their bullshit.%0D\
Also, lots of us are attracted to people who treat us badly. If you secretly believe you''re worthless, you''ll respond to someone who treats you like you''re worthless. You might think that person sees the "real you".
OP, most nice guys lack killer instinct. They have no burning goals. So they prefer a woman who will give them structure.%0D
Nice gay men are even worse in their predilection for bad boys.%0D\
But the worst of all are lesbians. There is a whole subculture of lesbians who cannot STAND to be around nice women and must degrade and humiliate them.
Sort of in line with the "why do some nice girls go for the bad boys" (or nice girls go for bad girls, or nice boys go for bad boys), some people find it sexy and attractive when their object of desire doesn't really acknowledge them or go out of their way to please them, but rather ignores them, makes demands and is generally difficult.%0D
You can say it's low self esteem on the part of the admirer, but at the same time it's also a display of confidence and self-assurance by the "bad boy" or "bad girl". Like, "I know I'm such hot shit that I don't have to bother being polite or trying to make nice to you, or even acknowledging you exist. I'm not afraid to demand what I want because I know I'm worth it." (This works much better if you're hot). They're signaling that they're high status and high value, almost unattainable, and some people get turned on by that. Moreso than a "nicer", less difficult person with low self-confidence who always tries to please others - "please love me, I'm not worthy enough, what can I do for you?"%0D
The above are extreme examples, and obviously not everyone gets turned on by the same things. I often hear straight guys complaining about how "nice guys finish last" ("I've been her friend for years but she doesn't even know I care; why does she keep dating jerks?!"), but I don't think that's true - I do think it's true that guys with low self-confidence who are too "polite" or "nice" to tell someone they're attracted to them do finish last, though. It's possible to be confident in yourself and to be assertive without being a demanding asshole.
Speaking of this nonsense, I was watching "House Hunters International" on Sunday afternoon while I was cleaning. I was actually more listening than watching.
There was this couple who sold their home in Hawaii for 2 million, they were looking for a place in Bali,
The guy was a bit schlubby, though it was nothing some weight loss couldn't have helped, he was wasn't bad looking, was very patient considering the bullshit he took from his shrewish partner. He was German, the wife (or girlfriend) was a bitchy blond American.
I can't believe how easy going he was, especially for a German! The woman found problems with every house the real estate guy showed them. These homes were huge, basically palaces, a million goes very far in a place like Bali!
She was bitching about wall colors, the furniture and one house lacked any kitchen appliances though that house was brand new, these were ALL easy fixes.
One bedroom was so huge it was the size of an average NYC four room apartment, yet it wasn't big enough for this witch. She actually whined how "small" that bedroom was! What was she going to do, put a jet in there?!
Another problem was, she had to walk an extra couple of steps to the beach! ALL these houses were right on the beach, plus had built in pools! The sense of entitlement some people have is surreal.
I honestly don't understand how anyone would put up with such nonsense from their partner! I'd be out the door immediately.
They don''t always attract nice guys.
R13? That show is fake.\
We''ve been through this a million times. They really didn''t look at those 3 different houses. They already bought a house before they were approached by the show and two of the houses were never shown to them before they bought their house. The owners are suppoosed to keep you guessing as to which house they "chose" (their never was a choice) and they exaggerate and try to mislead you. They sometimes denigrate the house they actually bought to the point of making it sound like a ahithole so that you won''t guess which one is the real house. \
It''s a lot like an old tv show called To Tell the Truth. That show brought out 3 contestants. One person was who s/he said s/he was, while two others were imposters. They got more money the more they fooled the panel, so the "real" person often went out of their way to look and sound like an imposter.
"That show is fake."\
I''m quite aware those silly HGTV shows are fake, I was posting about the bitches these guys are involved with.\
Unless they''re ALL actors and actresses, the people on these home shows can''t all be acting about how much they hate certain aspects of the homes they''re looking at! \
Are you saying all their reactions are scripted?\
The men are always wimps, the wives/girlfriends are always annoying harpies going on about rooms being too small, the appliances aren''t the latest and neither are the back splash areas or the counters up to their very high standards.\
I''m guessing most of these dopes haven''t cracked opened a book in years.\
What I also find odd, most of these entitled assholes seem to work from home, they all need two offices! They act like high rolling jet-setters but most come across as total idiots.
because she''s prettier than you op.%0D\
OP, what makes you think they''re "nice guys"? If they don''t think that nice girls are good enough for them, then they''re not nice guys.
I''ve lost patience with men who marry horrible women. I worked with a wonderful guy, a former actor, who actually boasted that his wife was a b*tch. He''d planned to propose to her on AMTRAK on their way to visit his Virginia family for the holidays, but she was so obnoxious on the train he couldn''t get a word in edgewise. He finally managed to propose during the weekend. I give up. IMO it''s "I managed to train her" or "I''m so special she''s nice to *me*"
Because straight men respond well to confident women who don''t take shit and women who, as someone said above, have high self esteem. Read "Why Men Love Bitches" - you may find it illuminating.
Good Ho''s make Poor Husbears?
It''s that those "nice guys" aren''t really that nice. They just act that way in front of you and count on their bitchy wives to do their dirty work for them. You should hear what nice guys have to say about you on the way home, in the car.
My straight male best friend has mastered the elusive art of being nice and confident at the same time. He is truly the nicest guy I have ever met. He is a perfect gentlement, sweet, intelligent, polite, patient, treats women as equals, yet assertive, masculine, secure, and confident. Women LOVE him. THIS is the way straight guys need to be if they want to get girls. \
I know people think that women are attracted to assholes, but I don''t agree. It''s just that women often mistake assholiness for confidence, unless they''re lucky enough to meet a guy like my best friend who shows them the difference.
r23, still hoping for a preview option someday
The HGTV shows are fake????%0D
People tend to pick partners who mirror what they need. If a man had a bitchy shrew of a mother growing up who was withholding of her love, he will pick a spouse who is similar in a subconscious attempt to work out his issues. He will continue to try (and fail) to win mom''s love through his surrogate. %0D\
Women do the same when they pick distant, abusive husbands. They don''t know it but they are trying to get dad''s approval. They will choose bad boys again and again in a never ending attempt to gain "dad''s" love and acceptance. Sad, because they will never get it.
What r22 said. And high maintenance people are easier to cheat on because they are so self involved.
R22 is correct, most "nice guys/girls" aren''t actually nice, they''re too gutless to let their inner nastiness show. %0D\
These people frequently marry assholes. Partly because they genuinely admire someone who has the courage to be openly nasty, and partly because they can count on the asshole to do the vicious things they''d secretly like to do themselves. It''s a win-win for the fake-nice partner; they''re generally liked, even pitied, but through their partner they get all the benefits of being an intimidating asshole.
My parents are like this, among others
It''s all they know. To be a "success", one needs to bag one of these hi-maintenance bitchy brats.
Usually it''s some complicated mix of what R22 and R26 said. The paradigm of bitch/shrewish mother and simpering father is modeled in childhood and acted out in adulthood. Men and women who are truly nice learn to balance and affirm their needs while being respectful of others''.
I don''t know why; I case every case is different.\
My brother is the nicest guy in the world and for some reason, he always has been with women who need to be rescued in some way. And the women have been all over the spectrum in the looks category. We just know that if he were to be dropped into the middle of a room full of healthy women and one of them there had some sort of gaping need, he would root her out in no time and fall "in love" with her.\
And interestingly enough, my mother is not like that at all.
Well is he handsome R31? Good childhood, accomplishments, good job? It sounds as though he doesn''t trust himself on some level to be desired by a healthy partner, so being with a needy woman makes him feel strong and secure in the relationship. Maybe the first woman he truly loved was like this. Or maybe he was rejected in childhood by a Darla girl next door type who was the paragon of a loved, secure girl and he internalized that rejection to mean no truly secure woman would want him. Who knows. Neuroses are like weeds. They often take hold and flourish in the deepest recesses of our minds.
"But the worst of all are lesbians. There is a whole subculture of lesbians who cannot STAND to be around nice women and must degrade and humiliate them."%0D\
What rubbish. Unless you''re talking about the kind of ''nice'' women who eyeball whilst sitting open legged and then come and shove in getting the hump when you refuse their offer of ''a beer or two''; quickly lurching in for a kiss on the pretence of smelling your perfume... then...maybe...yeah, you''re correct.%0D\
Because we can dahling because WE CAN!
Get High Miles Per Hour\
Grandma Hates My Pillbox Hat\
Geese Have More Plaintive Honks\
Ghosts Haunt My Play House
Interesting thread because my brother and I were just talking about this very issue. One of his best friends is unbelievably gorgeous, but dumb as a box of hair. He was married to a beautiful accomplished woman, but she dumped him because he was dumb as a box of hair, as previously mentioned. But apparently she was not at all high maintenance.
Then he meets a beautiful blond divorcee at church. They hook up and eventually get married. She had previously been married to a rich guy, had a huge beautiful home.
The first time I met her, a group of us went out to dinner. She was very El Paseo (a shopping district in Palm Desert with lots of rich bitches). She was charming, if a bit off.
Eventually she began becoming obsessive about her new husband. When my brothers buddies would come to town, they'd have dinner. She always had to go along. Then she would keep track of her husband, calling him constantly. I'm surprised she didn't put a Lindsay Lohan ankle bracelet on him.
Didn't see her for awhile. Then heard from my brother that she'd been in psych wards a couple of times. Last time I saw her was at my dads funeral. Full Chanel couture, not a knock off. We had a catered event at my brothers house after wards. She was so anorexic I couldn't believe it. My brother said that her husband can't figure out how to get out without her killing herself or him.
And even though he's dumb as a box of hair, he's a really sweet, gentle, nice guy.
Ditto what r22 posted. I have seen too many couples in which there is a "hatchet partner" and the "nice person". The nice person doesn''t have to say no, or turn down invitations, or do anything to disabuse you of the idea that they are nice; the hatchet partner takes care of all of that.
[quote]OP, what makes you think they''re "nice guys"? If they don''t think that nice girls are good enough for them, then they''re not nice guys.%0D\
DING! DING! DING! We have a winner!%0D\
[quote]These people frequently marry assholes. Partly because they genuinely admire someone who has the courage to be openly nasty, and partly because they can count on the asshole to do the vicious things they''d secretly like to do themselves. %0D\
[quote]It''s a win-win for the fake-nice partner; they''re generally liked, even pitied, but through their partner they get all the benefits of being an intimidating asshole.%0D\
HELL TO THE YES!%0D\
[quote] It''s that those "nice guys" aren''t really that nice. They just act that way in front of you and count on their bitchy wives to do their dirty work for them. You should hear what nice guys have to say about you on the way home, in the car.%0D\
TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN!
What r22 & r 38 said! Those guys ARE NOT NICE. Using the woman as a scapegoat. Many of those poor str8 nice guys are closet cases, like duh.
Pee Wee Poundstone
Well, I''m glad we''ve got that all figured out, then.%0D\
But I do have to take exception to r20''s assertion that straight men like overtly strong, self-confident women. That is entirely untrue; straight men generally prefer women who project enough weakness/ vulnerability to shore up the man''s fragile self-esteem and let him believe he''s the senior partner in the relationship. %0D\
They will usually only accept a woman with attitude if they also find her very sexually attractive.%0D\
Conversely, most women prefer a man who projects more strength/power than the woman does. This explains why so many women marry older men. It also explains why lots of women fantasize about or even enter relationships with "bad" men -- they see the delinquency as an expression of strength.
I don''t know R40, many powerful rich men prefer a partner that is more like them.
I have a couple of other theories, some of which are similar to a couple of those touched on earlier: (1)They believe difficult women accept only the best; hence, if she accepts him, then he IS the best too. In his mind she is helping him live up to his potential, sort of like Coach did when he'd yell at him in football practice. That would carry over with any kids they would have. She would theoretically motivate the children to be the best, too and would keep them in line so he wouldn't have to. Consequently, if he dates a woman who does not complain and who does not expect things from him, he starts to think that she has low standards or is desperate. Therefore, in his mind, she is less of a catch.(2)Ever listen to a couple of straight married guys talking at work on a Monday morning talking about the weekend? They all talk about the "Honey-Do" list. For some reason, complaining about all the crap your wife makes you do is some kind of straight-male bonding ritual. Consequently, if a straight guy dates a woman who doesn't complain about things and doesn't tell him what to do, he can't contribute to the conversation and all the guys will just say that he's p-whipped.
I think it is: 1. The guy isn''t nice either or 2. Their experience has only been with bitches so they think that is what all females are like (he has never met the nice ones).
I''m 58 years old an while I know a few nice guys who married high maintenance women, it certainly is not the rule in my experience nor do I know of have heard of this being a rule.%0D\
I think it is in the mind of the OP.
That's the question that I would really love an answer to! Why do the bitches get the good guys? Personally, I think it's becuz guys go after what they are sexually attracted to and don't really care who a woman is or what she is like. A man won't even give a woman a second thought if she isn't what he considers physically attractive. subsequently, he may be passing on an opportunity to meet someone really worth getting to know. His loss. So he goes after what he is physically attracted to and she may not be worth sh**. So what you have is a 'nice' guy with a b**ch. I say nice loosely becuz he's 'nice' to his b**ch meaning he treats her like a queen but if he was truly a nice guy he would have given the 'not as attractive' woman a chance b4 dismissing her as not worthy of his attention.
I see way more women married to assholes than the other way around. Maybe b/c there are so many more male assholes?
I also agree that frequently pussies will marry an asshole to drop the hammer for them.
Why are gay men so obsessed with women and what they do? Can you believe the number of threads about women on DL at all times? Get a life OP, you'll never have a pussy and the guys you want don't want your ass.
There's a couple other reasons too. One is drama. The man doesn't have to do any work entertaining a high maintenance spouse because she provides endless dramatics. He will never be bored and he will always feel needed, if only as a whipping boy.
The second reason is structure. High maintenance people provide structure for a man who is not self-motivated. They push him in his career, they discipline him in his eating and workouts, they curb his porn addiction. There are a lot of men who don't have any particular ambition and can't see managing their own lives. The women do it for them. I knew one guy who could not make a decision about what to eat for dinner without calling his wife. When he couldn't reach her he would fret and pace. I would say, you've been living with her for eight years, you know what she likes, surprise her. And he looked at me as if I was nuts, as though to do that would bring on a beating or certain divorce. He hung at the office until 7 p.m. waiting for her to get home so she could decided what dinner he should bring home. Repeatedly.
Oh and she was also the type who sued people at the drop of a hat. She paid for their house with an (unbelievable) lawsuit against her employer. She was real bully who was heavily into her women's softball teams and dressed like a truck driver with a kind of mullet perm, but made sure he had slimming Italian cut suits and a diamond stud in his ear.
I find all of the women on HHI high maintenance bitches who whine about everything and I've always wondered what kind of jobs they have that they can work from home in a foreign country too. Many of their described jobs sound vague and shady.
I'm with the folks who say "nice" guys hide behind their mouthpiece bitches. My father was the neighborhood gigolo back in the 50s-60s. He looked like Tony Curtis at his peak. I've had 3 stepmothers, each one worse than the last. I've been blaiming #3 for so long. Then I realized my "nice guy" Dad was "using" her to express his own desires (in 20 years we haven't spent a holiday together). You don't want to blame the nice guy, esp. if he's your Dad. But I now realize it takes two. Non-confrontational people can be just as manipulative as an outright bitch.
they are without a doubt so very sad and pathetic.
R52 has the right answer, in case anyone is still interested.
For myself, I am easily bored, but prefer to act pleasant. I tend to feel more comfortable with bitchy women because they become so alienating after a period of time, I do not have to feel guilty or explain to anyone WHY I decided to end it. Sexual passion runs out at the three year mark, and I have never had a relationship continue past that time frame. Usually by the third year, my partners have gotten so out of control shrewish, they give me many reasons and opportunities to pull the trigger. My big mistake of my life was after many such relationships, my last major relationship ended up resulting in a child.... it changes the dynamic and I have to continue to take crap off the bitch for the sake of the child. and she uses the kid for leverage. She is as bitchy of mother as she was a wife.
Because "nice guys" are the only ones who will put up with them.
Nice Guys = Doormats
These type of women are extremely deft at identifying, sizing up and quickly controlling a certain type of nice guy. I've seen several miserable men in these types of relationships and I seriously think they do not leave because of genuine fear of bitchface's wrath.
If you are a nice guy who is even the least bit lonely, the least bit unsure of yourself, the least bit scared that you may never have another relationship again, this woman will smell that shit from a million miles away and begin the attack.
The gay guys on DL are obsessed with women, it is very odd. I checked out a couple of lesbian sites and it's as if men don't exist but these guys can't shut up about women.
Doesn't matter if it's a hetero or homo relationship. A truly 'nice' guy would not pick a drama queen/shrewish wackjob. These 'nice' lads and ladies get something from having the 'bitch/asshole' partner take the fall for whatever happens. These guys and girls get off on their partner's shrewishness. The family and friends don't realize that the 'bitch/nutjob' winds up making decisions while the 'nice guy/girl' come out smelling like a rose.
We're just too good for them anyway.
It is a real good thing that You women didn't have to Struggle like the women in the old days did, and it would've been very rough for you.
This one of the best threads I've read in a long time. The replies were more insightful than any psychotherapist could come up with in a lifetime. Thanks!
r48 & r59 - A high number of DL posters are straight women, like yourselves. Why don't you stick to imdb or wherever you feel most comfortable and stop fretting about what gay men think?
R65 half if imdb posters are psychotic house fraus and the rest are delusional rejects from this site. Same losers posting all over the gossip sites....
I don't care what straight folks do. At all.
Most of the "nice guys" out there aren't actually nice, they just aren't brave enough to be mean.
So they pick partners who are.
This is my cousin:
There are a couple other reasons too. One is drama. The man doesn't have to do any work entertaining a high maintenance spouse because she provides endless dramatics. He will never be bored and he will always feel needed, if only as a whipping boy.
Remarrying the second drama cunt shrew he divorced!