Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. \
Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds. \
Elizabeth Taylor''s so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin. \
I took Elizabeth Taylor to McDonald''s and she got stuck in the arches. I had to butter her thighs to get her out. I stood in front of her with a Twinkie and said, ''Come and GET IT.''\
I took Elizabeth Taylor to Sea World. It was so embarrassing. Shamu the Whale jumps out of the water; she asks ''Does he come with fries?''\
Mosquitoes see Elizabeth Taylor and scream, ''Buffet!''\
Elizabeth Taylor pierced her ears and gravy ran out.
She''s so fat she could moon Europe.
Only woman who stands in front of a microwave screaming "HURRY!"
If your fame is derived from being a screen goddess, you really can''t get fat.
Raquel Welch and Pamela Anderson
These are awful. But I laughed loud.
Miss OP? you fucking idiot. It''s "Chinese PHONE BOOK"
When they pierced her ears, gravy came out.\
They asked her what she wanted on her hamburger and she said, "A hotdog."
I take her to McDonalds just to watch her eat and watch the numbers change!
It is just--
She''s so fat she stands in front of her microwave oven and yells, HURRY!%0D\
None of those jokes are the least bit funny, but what do you expect coming from a has-been mentally ill joke such as Joan Rivers?
John Belushi''s impersonation was funnier.
R10 = uptight lesbian or TaylorFag on valium
Joan River''s condolence message re Liz'' death was back handed, she mentioned how BOTH she and Liz worked hard to raise money for AIDS research. \
She simply couldn''t mention how hard Liz worked, she just HAD to include herself. Unreal.\
Joan can''t even be decent when someone drops dead!
I''ve never understood Joan Rivers'' popularity. She''s just an insult comic--on the same level as a prop comedian--and a lame one. Plus she''s a gargoyle.
You don''t suppose Miss Rivers could have been the slightest bit...jealous of La Liz, do you?
Yes, those are not even funny. She belongs in the Catskills.
It''s all part of show business. Both of these women have put a smile on my face or pleased me in some other fashion. \
Elizabeth did have a problem with weight gain and I guess Elizabeth was up to to having unwanted tissue sliced off as Joan has done again and again.
Joan is different type of commoner than Elizabeth. Joan of course is a real Jew and Elizabeth wasn''t. Other than that, both broads are quite entertaining. \
There''s no denying, Elizabeth had the bigger problem with gas.
As a mother, I find it interesting that Joan can make her living truly insulting other people. Yet, I wonder what her reply would be when she reads or hears about children committing suicide due to cyber bullying. It certainly is an uphill battle to get kids to understand the effect of words on a person''s physical condition, religion, living conditions...but I guess as long as she gets paid for the insults in a public forum, then our jobs become harder. I just hope she doesn''t find it too funny for people who commit suicide...
HSMom tell that to Kathy Griffin as she supports projects like Trevor''s Project & Same-Sex Marriage Equality.
r19/HSMom, Joan''s husband committed suicide because of her insults and her bullying. If that didn''t stop her, nothing will. In the recent documentary about her, you can see a routine she does about her daughter posing nude for "Playboy" and it is the most degrading material I have ever heard in my life. About her daughter! She is a sick woman who needs to wake up to reality.
Her blood type is Ragú!
Agreed R21, the more one sees and hears of Joan Rivers, the more one realizes she really is a loathesome monster.
Please, R19, you don''t have to wonder. Just watch Celebrity Apprentice when anyone DARED say something negative about Melissa.\
Like most comics, Joan can dish it out, but can''t take it.
Joan Rivers is so ugly and always was even when she was young ,ya know back in the caveman days. She could never hold a candle to Liz and was just jealous. %0D\
How would she have liked it if Liz or anyone else talked about how ugly she is and how her daughter looks just like her. %0D\
Oh well our Liz is with the angels were she belongs, I wonder where that nasty, hateful, horse faced Joan Rivers will go when she does us all a favor and drops dead.
Which came first? Joan''s fat jokes or Saturday Night Live''s bit with John Belushi playing ET?
breasts, she could nurse Angola!\
(ok, that was a Joan Rivers'' Dolly Parton joke, but it''s so good I had to include it)
Joan is a bitter bitch whose hell is right here on earth. Her compulsion to work is not because she enjoys it, but because she has a ridiculous fear of not being rich and famous though she has enough money to last 10 lifetimes. Her pathological need to carve and recarve her face reflects nothing more than her self loathing.%0D\
She fucked up her daughter and killed her husband, too. %0D\
I don''t like her
I love Joan Rivers, but offering a gracious comments upon Elizabeth''s death would have been sufficient.%0D\
There was really no need to say: "Sad to hear of Elizabeth Taylor%E2%80%99s death. She was the first major celebrity to join me in the fight against AIDS when it wasn%E2%80%99t a popular cause."%0D\
Joan dear, were you really the first? Did Elizabeth "join you?" And even if she did join you, today (or ever) was not the day to say it.
What I find hilarious is that some people somehow cling to the idea that Joan Rivers was ever a nice, gracious, caring person.%0D\
There has never been any evidence of that, so why are people surprised and disappointed in her all the time.%0D\
Just because she''s a famous comedian and a major charity sponsor doesn''t mean she has to also be a sweet old lady, or even a good person. Some of you don''t have your priorities straight.%0D\
Not a fan of Joan, by the way, but I know her as I''ve always known her - as a bitch.
[quote]What I find hilarious is that some people somehow cling to the idea that Joan Rivers was ever a nice, gracious, caring person.%0D\
That was exactly me. Then I met and had to interact with her. I sure found out the hard way.%0D\
Also, she''s just not funny, ya know.
Joan is a great and funny lady. But her comment today about Elizabeth was a huge error in judgement.
I told the microwave joke at my office a few weeks ago and none of the young people got it. They DO complain about how long the microwave takes as they have no basis for comparison.
I came into this thread to see if anyone else was talking about Joan''s tweet that Elizabeth was "the first major celebrity to join me in the fight against AIDS when it wasn''t a popular cause." %0D\
What a bitter, jealous and cunty thing to say.%0D\
Joan deserves all the criticism she gets. Unfortunately, she''s so delusional about her own importance that she''ll never understand how much she actually deserves it.
Honestly, if you get THAT worked up about Joan Rivers...Lol. You people are losers!
She''s human waste. Her soul is black because she has always been so fucking ugly and it has turned her into a nasty gash.\
I hope she dies a slow, painful death.
Big fucking deal. Women''s looks are trashed on here daily and much worse. Don''t be such fucking hypocrites.
How clever of Joan Rivers to place herself in the middle of a conversation about Elizabeth Taylor who was so far above Joan that here is no scale to measure the distance.
Is Joan the person who said something to the affect ''All our life housewifes wanted to look like Liz Taylor and God help us,now we do!?"
I wish someone would call her on this shit. I''d pay good money for 5 minutes with that ghoul in a locked room.
Love Love Love Joan!!! LOVE\
Love r8 too
Well, Joan certainly doesn''t R39. She looks more like a skeleton with a puppet head.
Well, I have nothing to do, so I'll make some dumb generalizations.
All verbal comics expect to be hated by half the audience, and many push hard to be outrageous. What makes them hilarious to some people, makes them horrendous to others. Joan would be thrilled that people are talking about her, and wouldn't care that most of the comments are negative.
Most (all?) comedians have serious personal issues. Drug and alcohol abuse, sexual dysfunction, rage, self hatred, serious depression, massive self esteem issues, eating disorders are typical (and often, they have many of these problems).
Some mellow with age and success, many don't. The failure rate is high, even after a period of success, and many age into poverty and obscurity -- to be afraid that is going to happen to you is typical because everybody in the business has seen it happen to others who were considered huge at one point.
To 'make it' you need an almost crazy ambition (even if your routine is to play the underdog) and a really, really, tough hide (just try auditioning for six months and see how many days end with your feeling suicidal). Most comics lose touch with their common humanity as a matter of course, though some hide it better than others.
Joan has always been 'out there' and still is. Her comedy has always been fueled by rage, resentment and cruelty and still is. She was willing to be tasteless to get a laugh, and she felt that as long as it got people talking she had at least made an impression.
She started frightened, convinced she was ugly, certain she would fail, and with serious doubts she could support herself and then terrified she couldn't keep it up. Some people get over all that or age out of that phase at least to a degree, and some don't. Joan hasn't, though she not only 'made it big', but has survived remarkably well.
Joan has to know that Taylor, though she was a very spotty actress, had some big flops, was ridiculous on stage and aged into a fatty, survives on film as a gorgeous girl, teen, young and mature woman, gave some indelible performances early and late, then did an enormous amount to give AIDS research an important presence in a hostile America, and that legacy will be powerful to people interested in the 20th century when Joan Rivers is a footnote.
It's gotta sting.
"Both of these women have put a smile on my face or pleased me in some other fashion."%0D\
OMG, you had a THREE-WAY with Joan Rivers and Elizabeth Taylor?? %0D
Very astute, R43. I agree completely.
Liz Taylor wore yellow and some school kids jumped on her.
Joan Rivers is a very sweet and generous lady and underneath her comic persona, she''s extremely sensitive. Her work is her passion and yes, she does do insult comedy, but her comedy is also incredibly self deprecating. She was a trailblazer who paved the way for all the female comics out there today including Lampanelli, Griffin, and Silverman.
What is Joan''s problem...why does she hate herself so much?.
What R13 said.\
Rivers is a sad, desperate, lonely old woman.
Boys? Joan Rivers "throws shade" just like a gay man -- so if you hate her, consider what people may think about YOU.%0D\
In the documentary about Joan Rivers, she says that no one in her life has ever told her that she was pretty. Liz Taylor was considered by many to be the most beautiful woman alive for a long time, it just comes off as pure jealousy and it''s really sad. The thing is, I love Kathy Griffin. Why doesn''t she come off as bad to me as Joan. Maybe it''s because Joan''s stuff seems so dated now.
Straight Girl Troll
[quote]In the documentary about Joan Rivers, she says that no one in her life has ever told her that she was pretty\
She needs to get over herself.
Lots of Joans material during the Liz period was written by comic Marci Rose.
R51, something I was surprised by in the Joan Rivers documentary was how desperately Joan wanted to be recognized as a real "actress." The lukewarm critical response to her one woman show in London really seemed to wound her. Maybe it''s not surprising that she spent so much of her career taking pot shots at successful actresses. \
I agree with you that Kathy Griffin is a much better comic than Joan Rivers. Griffin has a real genius for pointing out the actual achilles heel of celebrities. Rivers basically tells standard borscht belt mother-in-law jokes with celebrities'' names inserted into them. I think one of the things that I find puzzling about Joan Rivers is that when she''s not doing her act, she has a real knack for making humorous and lacerating observations about life, the business, celebrities, other comics and herself. Her act is never that honest or funny.
No matter how fat Liz got, it took a lot of guts for someone as skanky as Joan Rivers to make jokes about such a beautiful woman. I think women like Joan gloried in Liz getting fat.
Joan is still funny. Liz is still dead.
R56, Liz is dead but Joan''s career is deader.
Liz had affairs with the most handsome men in the world. The best Joan ever did was Edgar and Tom Dreesen. Poor bitch has probably never been laid since nine months before Melissa was born and that''s one of the reasons she''s so cranky.
Didn''t Liz later give credit to Joan for convincing her to go on a diet? Or did Joan CLAIM that Liz gave her credit?
R20, 21, 23- Elizabeth and others of her ilk (fabulously rich famous and basically winners in life) can take it and do. In fact Taylor held no grudge against Rivers and thought she was both funny, and right. One of the wonderful things about Taylor was that she did not take herself seriously. When someone told her she was vulgar (interview) she said according to the Times: "I know I am vulgar, and would you have me any other way?"%0D\
Rivers is funny- love the misquittos and buffet and standing in front of a microwave yelling hurry. If you cannot laugh at yourself, you better give up. Joan''s favorite person to skewer, of course, is herself.%0D\
I am with R35 and R37. If you take her seriously, well then you better give up.
My favorite quote by Taylor was in her "autobiography" from way back in the ''60s: "Money is the best deodorant".
Love how the queens are desperately trying to hype this into some cat fight scenario. The joke''s on you.
R43- I suggest you consider viewing Taylor's films starting with National Velvet at age 12 and follow them through "Taming of the Shrew" and then say she was a "spotty actress". How many 12 year olds can take over a movie? How many 18 year olds can take over a movie. Do you really think anyone could be better in Virginia Wolf or Taming than Taylor and Burton? Have you ever seen Place in the Sun or Giant? She was a huge screen personality and force who until she became disinterested in acting, took over a screen like almost no other, in my opinion. As was stated in the Times yesterday, she was not a chameleonic actress, rather she brought roles to herself with honesty and then made them entirely believable. Even when they were corny. %0D
God I loved her. Her interviews while married to Burton in the 60s were the first time I was aware that an estblishment adult was not going to go along with the bullshit, and of course not out of self importance, disdain or hauteur, just the sheer joy of good fun and honesty.
She''s Just Died. You Would Think She Had A Little Bit Of Compasision
R63 I''ve viewed those films.\
She was not all that. \
Pleasant when younger, always beautiful but never a good performance.
Someone stated how could Joan make a living by bullying people. I''m starting to feel bullied by people who don''t get a grip on what actual bullying is.%0D\
When you put yourself out there in the commercial market to make money, the reality is you make yourself a target. good or bad - but at the end of the day if you''re relying on the American Public to earn money, you''re going to hear an opinion whether you like it or not.%0D\
Real bullying is when a person tries to go through their day to day private life and meets ridicule, condemnation, harassment and a loss of basic human dignity - like th ekid at Rutgers who didn''t make a sex tape, but had a private act broadcat to the world.%0D\
Stop cheapening what actual bullying is. All entertainers and athletes open themselves up to both praise and scorn by the public. That is not bullying. Its people expressing an opinion about someone opting to live their life in the limelight.
Knock it off
You are right, R66,\
What Joan did was take cheap shots. Endless cheap shots. Some of them pretty funny. Cheap, mean shots.
[quote]What I find hilarious is that some people somehow cling to the idea that Joan Rivers was ever a nice, gracious, caring person. There has never been any evidence of that.%0D\
You''re wrong. There has been evidence of her being nice, gracious and caring. I stood off to the side and watched her doing works of mercy that I posted about here at DL several times. %0D\
You don''t want to hear that. You would rather sling your barbs and arrows than hear any good about someone. If you want 100% nasty, check your mirror, bitch. %0D
I can remember my grandmother, after hearing one of Joan''s rants, saying "Elizabeth Taylor''s ass would make Joan Rivers a good face."
Kathy Griffin makes fun of stars who are fake and hypocrites. Whitney, GOOP, Oprah, etc. She calls them on their shit or shares real anecdotes of their behavior. I totally respect that. Joan went after a very kind, generous woman to dig up the most superficial and easy jokes she could get. What did Liz ever do to anyone? No one has a bad word to say about her except that living Frankenstein. Joan is the bottom of the barrel. I''m not surprised she still has low self-esteem. How could she not?
I think Babs W. asked Elizabeth about the Rivers jokes; she said, "you mean that awful blond woman?"%0D\
Probably the best dig she could have made, not knowing her name.%0D\
Most people aren''t as beautiful as Elizabeth was. It was ironic that she got so fat.%0D\
I wonder...did Sally Field bully Elizabeth by making fun of her in the White Diamonds spoof on SNL?%0D\
In it, Liz enters a room and her face is obscured by a ceiling fan; when the camera gets a better closeup of her the shot is clearly covered with vaseline jelly and lots of gauze.%0D\
Then Phil Hartman exclaims: Elizabeth Taylor! So beautiful!%0D\
It was very funny, but poked fun at the fact that Liz was getting older.%0D
I think Liz would have agreed with Field''s spoof and that she was getting older. Field was also her peer - two Best Actress Oscars. Those who are in the club get a pass. By comparison Rivers is/was a gutter snipe.
Possibly, R72. %0D\
I asked Donald Trump once if he liked the Darrell Hammond imitation he did on SNL; he said yes.%0D\
But we all know how he felt about Rosie''s off the cuff imitation of him where she flipped her hair over. %0D\
I guess SNL helps give people a pass.
R65 = Pauline Kael
Liz is the last of a kind because she had a sense of humor about being a star. Look at Meryl - "oh no, not me. what? i''m just a vessel" all that false self modesty when everyone says you''re the best. Liz was like "yeah, I''m Elizabeth Fucking Taylor" I am the best. So what? Now i''m going to do what I want. And if you don''t like it then screw you. THAT''S the difference.
I recall Joan saying once that they''d buried the hatchet and Elizabeth even accepted Joan''s invitation to have dinner at her house.%0D\
She asked Joan what she could bring and Joan said, ''how about dessert?''%0D\
Liz drove up in a pastry truck.%0D
Joan can''t even be decent when someone drops dead!%0D\
What do you expect from a bitch whos ugliness killed her husband. Not to mention the fugly rat/ meth faced child. I''d off myself to.
I wonder what people will say when Joan dies?%0D\
Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead, comes into my mind.
More Liz Taylor jokes by Joan Rivers.\
THE NIGHT Elizabeth Taylor died, Rivers went onstage to do her act and unleashed a joke that left the audience gasping.\
The joke? "Debbie Reynolds keeps carrying on that she and Elizabeth Taylor were such good friends." (Taylor was famously accused of stealing Reynolds'' husband, Eddie Fisher.) "Elizabeth Taylor''s spinning in her grave so fast she''s turning into a smoothie."\
Rivers still appreciates that Taylor, "a funny, bawdy woman," wasn''t offended by her jokes of her through the years. "She said, "It doesn''t get me where I live,'' remembers Rivers, adding: "You''re damn right she''s up there with all (her) ex-husbands. That''s one crowded part of heaven."
[quote]it took a lot of guts for someone as skanky as Joan Rivers to make jokes about such a beautiful woman. %0D\
She wasn''t always a beautiful woman. She had a decade where she was an obese frau.
What r28 said.\
I just watched "A Piece of Work" and man, that is the saddest, most angry, self-hating person I think I''ve ever seen.\
Proof that money doesn''t by you happiness.
She put on a yellow raincoat and 12 children tried to board her.
Liz will always be an icon. The thing will always be an experiment with some old catskill jokes and a worthless ugly daughter. It fucked with the wrong star in the long run.
It''s ironic how this old ugly bitch thinks it''s OK to make fun of everyone else, but when someone makes fun of her or her monkey looking daughter, it''s war.
My BF is on one sofa, I''m on the other. I''m reading, he''s watching Seinfeld. I just looked over and noticed he''s munching down on a half-stick of one of those rolls of pre-made cookie dough. It''s been in the freezer.\
It''s in the wrapper, he''s pushing it up through the top and sucking it into his mouth.\
I think this is a dealbreaker.
Joan will be with me very, very, very soon, you know...
the late Elizabeth Taylor (RIP)
There probably isn''t a gay thread topic more volatile than a Joan v Liz. Love it. I''m predicting that Joan will come up with some truly outrageous "Dead Liz" jokes.
JOAN'S BEST LIZ TAYLOR FAT JOKE:
"She's so fat, that when she crosses her legs, the garage door opens."
any other jokes?
R86 at least it isn't Braunschweiger.
Liz had more cock, more jewels, more fame, more love than Joan could garner in 10 lifetimes.
DAMN, Liz @ R87! Do you have the inside scoop on anyone else?!
Can someone explain R89's joke? Why would the garage door open?
Her pussy was so talented
Elizabeth Taylor was totally overrated, in looks and talent. She was very common (married 8 fucking times!).
I don't mind the Joan Rivers joke on Elizabeth
I went to lunch with Liz the other day and when the waiter asked her what she wanted on her hamburger, she said, "A hot dog!"
First of all, Joan Rivers was a comedian. She made millions of people laugh daily - even up to the point of her last days on Earth. When people are insulting during comedy, its comedy. It is something that probably most people think but are too "refined" or so they think to say so - remember laughter is the best medicine, I am sure that more people enjoy reading funny posts than posts of most of you bitching about a comedian. Why so serious??? is the thought that comes to my mind when I read posts like those above. Both women, Liz Taylor and Joan Rivers were great on stage. No Joan was never jealous of Liz Taylor, these women were friends off stage. (and I have personal knowledge of that). If it is not your kind of funny, thats okay, but there is no need to put her down or talk smack on here, that is not funny. The jokes that Joan Rivers told, were.
[quote]If it is not your kind of funny, thats okay, but there is no need to put her down or talk smack on here, that is not funny.
Good thing you bumped a thread that had been dormant for seven months to tell us so.
[quote]The jokes that Joan Rivers told, were.
Actually, they sucked.
God, if there was one movie star that needed to be mocked it was Elizabeth fucking Taylor.
I love Elizabeth Taylor, and I love every single one of Joan Rivers' jokes about her.
Yes, I am almost perfect.
Old thread but how many of those who adored Joan would have felt the same if Joan had not been a bitchy, bitter woman who enjoyed degrading other people? It's being called humor but it came across as bitterness and she didnt do well when someone returned in kind.
Liz stopped making movies in the 60s and milked it for 25 years doing nothing. She was a limelight hog and a pig in real life.
Even Lucy hated he and we know everyone loved Lucy.
I remember Lucy wrote, "Liz kept insisting we do things her way. I explained to her that was the reason she didn't get any movie offers and why she was reduced to doing TV. Even I realized that I would have to settle for TV, but at least I realized and made a success out of it. Not like Liz who could never admit how lucky she was to get a few good roles and how far and fast her star level fell."