Gay men: how comfortable would you be having an HIV positive sex partner?

Sorry, I can't do it. It would not be his fault; it would be my fault, but I can't do it. And I certainly wouldn't want to make anyone feel worse than they already might feel. So it would be best if we just didn't sleep together. I also realize that it's a difficult disease to catch and that protection pretty much keeps a person from catching it. But I still wouldn't sleep with a person who is poz.

I won't do casual sex with someone who is positive, but I had a positive boyfriend whom I loved and I slept with him gladly. (With condoms, of course.)

I have safe sex exclusively, so from my health standpoint it doesn't matter what his status is. I was with a poz partner for 10 years and it probably worried him more than it did me (we separated; his health is fine).

I want to say I would be fine with it, but I know I just couldn't do it.

bump

I want to say, "I am Dawson" because that is my favorite running DL gag. However, I would not, under any circumstances, have sex with someone who was known or even rumored to have HIV. If I was dating someone and I found out that he was POZ, I would break up with him.

I was always told condoms are 98% effective against HIV. I know 2% isn't much but still.

When it's love then "through good times and bad times" will apply.

Why is the survey directed to gay men only?

I am positive and only sleep with other poz guys....

It blows my mind that when at a bar and I meet someone, if drunk, many say that they don't care..... I don't take that risk

Sex with men can be rough. I know there have been times when a guy kisses me so hard that he can bite my lip or whatever. Sex just isn't that contained. I don't know if I would take the risk.

If I know a guy is poz I walk away.

I am amazed at how many lie about it, but you can often tell by looking a them because of the effects of the drugs. When caught in the lie they amend it to 'undetectable'.

I couldn't do it for a couple of reasons. One, I'm a hypochondriac so I'd be afraid I contracted HIV after every encounter. Two, I don't know if I could put up with the daily pill regiment or knowledge that my partner had an incurable disease.

So for those of you who won't sleep with an HIV+ man, what do you with the fact that many, if not most, gay men have not been tested and do not know their HIV status?

R14

We do our best. It would be stupid to hook up with a poz person knowingly but it can happen unknowingly.

We do our best, what do you do?

I'm HIV+ and I think the guys who wouldn't have sex with an infected partner are using their heads correctly. The repercussions from just one slip-up aren't worth the risks. Now those who follow their heart in a defined relationship or commit to another with HIV, I believe still deserve respect as I could easily see how these relationships could come about.

But in answer to OP's question, if I were HIV- I would avoid the old conoobials with an HIV+ partner for recreational sex.

R14, its the same concept as when you know someone has a cold or the flu. You tell them to stay away from you so you don't get it. You're taking a pro-active action in regards to information that you know. In those other cases, when you don't know someone is sick, you take the necessary precautions and a leap of faith.

I asked because I'm poz, but did not get tested as often as I should have before I found out.

Question for poz guys: How did you feel when you were first diagnosed? Were you shocked? Were you ambivalent? Did you contemplate suicide? You always hear about HIV being a death sentence, so I always figured if I was diagnosed I'd probably kill myself. I know that's overreacting, but I couldn't deal with the upkeep necessary just to remain somewhat functional.

Kind of a silly question, but how does a top contract HIV from a bottom?

R20 they often don't, however I am still not going to fuck some poz assed dude.

Not using a condom while topping an HIV positive partner is the second most common method of transmission. Most commonly, another STD is involved.

I always play with the assumption my partner is positive.I always use condoms. I have been in situations where it was obvious the intention was bareback despite being upfront safe only. Always a dealbreaker.%0D %0D I have had sex with a couple of POZ guys. Play was limited to kissing, nip play, jacking off and getting my dick sucked. I don't like giving head but there are plenty of guys who do. Had one fuck buddy who always used condoms when sucking. I actually found that kind of hot!%0D %0D Been out 29 years and still negative.%0D

What is the safest way to have sex with a positive person? Is giving oral to a poz person safe?

R24, see link...

How the fuck dare you assume that I'm hiv negative?

totally shocked when I learned I was hiv positive. I had never barebacked. I had had several relationships with poz men and never seroconverted, and they were over for years when I transacted hiv. I was a mature gay man who felt I knew the rules of safer sex and adhered to them with discipline. It was a fluke transmission (probably somebody who was recently poz with a high viral load played with my ass with blood or come on his hand, that's the only theory I can come up with)

Casual sex, probably not. If I know a guy to be positive, it's too much of an anxiety-builder/dick-wilter to bother. Sorry, but that's the truth.

Dating with the possibility of LTR? Yes, but with honest reservations. We'd have to talk about my fears and taking the right precautions, but I know intellectually that those things could be overcome. The guy would have to be pretty awesome, though.

Having said that, I'm sure I've hooked up with guys anonymously (just oral) who are HIV positive, but that's why I only do oral with hookups. When you fool around with strangers, it's best to assume they're all positive and limit your activities accordingly.

Recently met a guy who was up front about being POZ. I was surprised at how much it didn't bother me. I always thought it would be a deal breaker, but it was not. I initially liked the guy and he seemed to like me, and I found myself contemplating a relationship with him. I would always practice safe sex, but I don't think I would ever be too scared about contracting. We kissed and had oral. I found out quickly that the guy was a big loser with no job, money, education or motivation and that landed up being the deal-breaker.

It's completely understandable to feel uneasy as this is your health you are dealing with.%0D %0D I'd be pretty cautious, and would feel horrible for my partner to see me hesitant as such, but I wouldn't avoid a relationship due to it.%0D %0D If he was comfortable with my reservations and was understanding, there really wouldn't be an issue.%0D

If one is a bottom, which is safer - anal with a condom or giving a bj?

I Wont, all the love is not worth someone's life.

I'd love to get fucked by a group of poz guys I love.cocks and cum and welcome any cock into my ass especially huge poz ones I'd even take an aids cock I'd want him to tell me as he's shooting his load in me so hard to find tho so many would rather fuck u and not tell u be honest IM looking by the way

I would have no problem at all dating or being with an HIV+ man.

I am very picky and STD-phobic. I would not get involved with someone who had the clap, let alone someone with a deadly STD. Condoms are not fulproof. That is why you should be very selective, cautious, and discriminating when it comes to sexual partners and activity. My life is not worth risking for mere sex.

[quote]My life is not worth risking for mere sex.

Or love and companionship.

I prefer bottomming most of the time so I'd walk away

There are plenty of hot neg guys

r36, I would think that there are enough non-STD dudes out there to date and have a relationship with that I don't have to consider guys who have STDs.

R39, you don't sound like you're looking for love and companionship from one guy. It sounds like you're looking for sex with lots of guys. And, if that's the case, be safe.

R33 is an idiotic troll.

R39, I love how you delude yourself. 1 in 5 who are HIV positive and don't know it, and 9 out of 10 with herpes don't know. This does not include people who lie about their status. If you truly are STD-phobic, you are far better off with people who know their status, positive or negative. Not with people who think they're "clean" despite many partners.

I would never, ever bottom for a pos-person. I don't see how anyone would be willing to do that, condom or no. Other than I might be okay with it, still being as safe as possible of course.

My ex-bf cheated on me with someone he later learned was poz. He confessed to the cheating because he was terrified that he'd contracted HIV and that he passed it on to me. I thought we were in a committed relationship, so we weren't using condoms. Smart, huh? Luckily we both tested neg, but not before I threw his ass on the street. I haven't had sex since we broke up, because I don't trust anyone anymore and am terrified of getting HIV. That whole experience did a number on me.

Gay Porn Star Charlie Harding talks about having a poz partner, while he is negative,

r45...try being deeply in love with your partner and being totaly monogamous, youre partner also stressing the need for monogamy because hes always been cheated on by the men hes been involved with, marrying him after 2 years...only to find out a month later youre poz because hed been cheating with his "best friend" (and others)...and he blames YOU for giving it to him because he would never admit to cheating. Talk about doing a number on someones head.

R33 You are a shameless little bugging queen aren't you? So you wouldn't mind being HIV POZ and co-infected with Hep B/Hep C? It's not even remotely fun.

I have a guy I occasionally hook up with; he's a total top.

But his dick is just too huge for me to even think about taking, condom or not.

We do all the 'considered safe' stuff you see in the safe sex columns in the gay rags.

He could very well be positive; if you get it from kissing and him blowing me then I'm in trouble, but I keep hearing those are safe(r).

There are a couple of reasons I would not be comfortable having an HIV positive sex partner. The risk of transmission is a fairly obvious one. But I have sex only with people with whom I anticipate sharing a long, intimate relationship, and doing that with someone with ANY life-threatening condition or disease would be very difficult. If I were already in love with someone at the time of diagnosis, so be it. But I would hesitate to get involved with someone where that was known to be an issue.

[quote]I want to say, "I am Dawson" because that is my favorite running DL gag.

Who is Dawson? I've never seen anything about him [italic]but[/italic] the running DL gag.

Are you kidding? No way.

Some of the comments in this thread are unbelievable...and people wonder why there is such stigma attatched to HIV.

I had a neighbor/fuckbuddy for a long time who was hiv+. We're both bottoms and used to have a lot of fun making out and fucking each others with toys. I stopped seeing him when I met my husband.

[quote]Some of the comments in this thread are unbelievable...and people wonder why there is such stigma attatched to HIV.

Obviously everyone needs to be respectful, but HIV is a deadly and communicable disease. It makes sense that some people personally would not be comfortable knowingly putting themselves at risk.

Of course, I respect people who got tested and know their status. The real danger are those who go through in ignorance never getting themselves tested even though they are sexually active.

[quote]...and people wonder why there is such stigma attatched to HIV.

I've yet to meet anyone who wonders why there's a stigma. People may resent, regret, repudiate or ridicule the stigma, but it's pretty obvious why the stigma persists.

[quote]and people wonder why there is such stigma attatched to HIV

Yea. And how about the stigma of Salmonella that keeps people from enjoying rancid, spoiled food.

In case you didn't notice, no one wonders why there is a stigma attached to HIV. We all know why the stigma is there. It's called self preservation.

I am 42 years old and HIV positive. I am not looking for a boyfriend right now (work, school, etc. eat all my time), but I will be 'in the market' in two years or so. I'd like to find a man who is successful (by which I do NOT exclusively mean financially), respected, funny, educated (preferably with a graduate degree), reasonably fit, reasonably handsome, able to fuck the shit out of me and/or just hold my hand. He also has to be fine with the fact that I have HIV. In other words, I doubt that I will ever find him.

According to the poll above, only 20% of you would even consider dating me -- and, of those 20%, how many of us are compatible? The odds aren't too good.

I am HIV+ and have been w/my boyfriend for five years now. I became infected two years ago this December when the boyfriend and I were on a break. When I found out I gave him an out b/c of my status, he chose to stay by my side for it. We don't have sex together anymore b/c he has two boys and I don't want to risk anything. He has sex on the side and it doesn't bother me much. I only have sex with other positive guys. If the roles were reversed I don't think I could be with a positive guy, and yes I know that makes me so shallow and he probably does deserve better than me. He still wants to have sex with me, w/ or w/o a condom, but I always say no b/c it just freaks me out that I might give it to him plus my sex drive is non-existent for non-poz guys. The sad part is he is now going through all the symptoms I did when I had the suspicion I was positive. We both talk about the idea that he might be positive but he is in the denial stage and doesn't want to get re-tested. I told him that if he is he needs to know to prevent him spreading it b/c he only initiates in bareback sex w/guys (another reason I don't have sex with him), stupid I know. You would think me becoming positive that he would wise up, but nope. I have found that most guys who say they only use condoms, when push comes to shove they will go bare.

thanks for your candor, r60

About 8 years ago I met and fell madly in love with a wonderful man who was everything I ever looked for in a partner.Witty,urbane,sexy,you name it he had it.We dated for about 9 months,and I really felt like after years of bad choices in partners it was going to be MY turn to finally be happy with someone.That is until we were at a bar and this very angry guy comes up and loudly confronts him about his giving him HIV! You can only imagine the hurt and heartache that resulted from this,and yes,he knowingly decieved me the entire time.When I asked why,he said it was because he knew I wouldnt want to be with him because of his status.I told him I could have dealt with hiv,but what I couldnt deal with was someone who I could never trust.But I have to admit I wouldnt have given him a chance had I known,nor would I ever sleep with someone who was poz.The movie Jeffrey made it all seem oh so cute,but its potentially deadly and that cant be denied.

That movie reflects a lot of well-meaning but misguided sentiments common in the 90s, R62.

No, of course HIV is not a judgement or a curse or a moral failing. And it's no longer necessarily a death sentence. But it's not like having blue eyes or being left-handed, either.

I have dated HIV poz men and would not choose to do so again. It put one more obstacle in the way of establishing intimacy. Just my experience.

Lots of fraidy cats here.

we can even have Asian babies too!

I briefly dated a POZ guy several years ago but he was far too clingy and pushy and that eventually drove me away along with the fear that even though I was a top and we used condoms for everything that something could happen and I would catch it. I chat with guys online but I live in a really small town where I seem to be the only gay guy so I haven't been with anyone in years.

I'm not sure about me, but I know my partner and all the tricks I cheat on him with are very comfortable - because the fuckers don't know, yet haha

One of my friends was dating a poz guy and during one of their trysts,the condom broke. My friend was petrified and immediately stormed out with tears streaming down his face.He was an emotional mess for the next few weeks until he recieved his test results.Much to his relief it came back negative but said that he will never again have sex with a positive person.

I lived with a poz guy for 7+ years and didn't get infected so I wouldn't worry. You are all witless and ugly.

[quote]We do our best. It would be stupid to hook up with a poz person knowingly but it can happen unknowingly. We do our best, what do you do?

My first partner when I moved to the city 20 years ago was positive. My current partner is positive, I remain HIV negative- condoms, understanding viral load, understanding that I could just as easily be single and hooking up with guys who I have no real knowledge of and no real knowledge of their HIV status. I have in the past hooked up with positive men, and if I am being responsible I don't see more of a risk than if I hadn't- plenty of guys who are positive you won't know- they may not know, they may not tell you for a whole range of reasons. I have safer sex, after 20 years and plenty of sex with a few positive men I remain negative.

This is why sleeping around and not be selective, limited, and cautious about sexual partners is necessary. I don't see how people can meet random people and have oral, anal, or vaginal sex with them, unaware of their sexual pasts, health status, or selectivity in sexual partners or activities. I feel some people are purposefully reckless because they believe they deserve to die or get sick.

I think compassion for those infected is SO important because, hey, the sex drive is one of the strongest drives on the planet. YES, many people can manage to go a whole lifetime without making that "one mistake' but ONE is all it takes. It's not like "Oh, I forgot to wear my gloves today and my hands are cold." There are hormones at work and, quite often, alcohol or other substances. Sexual chemistry. Pheromones. The intoxication of sexual attraction is sometimes quite overwhelming, especially for those young and inexperienced. It is an INSIDIOUS disease and it sucks royally that it is transmitted from one of the most pleasurable activities of the human condition.

This thread is kind of offensive to anyone who is positive.

r71, are you paying any attention? Or are you just operating on your prejudices?

On this thread, not a single person has related becoming positive by having an HIV positive partner who disclosed. Not one.

We have several who were infected by deceptive or cheating "monogamous" partners. We have several who were infected practicing safe sex while playing the field. And we also have several guys who dated someone who was HIV positive, but was incompatible for other reasons.

But not a single one who got HIV from someone who was open about it. This should tell us all something.

Yes R73 I was thinking the same. I was also thinking this discussion might encourage poz guys to lie in the future.

I mean no disrespect but I can't knowingly hook up with a poz guy. I always ask questions beforehand and even if they lie I do my best to be as safe as possible.

A few years ago I met a very hot French actor thru friends in Paris. He was gorgeous. We were fondling each other, making out standing up... I shot the questions to him and sure nuff, poz. As fired up and hard as I was I managed to walk away from the hot cock.

The poll might have benefited from a "I am positive and I disclose this," rather than "I am Dawson." It reflects a certain, um, prejudicial thinking towards guys who are HIV positive? Some were infected early in the epidemic when there were no warnings, others have become infected from barebacking while high and showing bad judgement. In any event, show some respect to all of your gay brothers.

Watch and learn.

[quote]Some of the comments in this thread are unbelievable...and people wonder why there is such stigma attached to HIV.

Not wanting to sero-convert is hardly "stigmatizing", Mary! It bothers me that guys who clearly could have decided to follow safe-sex guidelines, but decided NOT to, and sero-converted get so uppity about others people's actions to stay healthy. Staying negative is a little more difficult than you can imagine. You don't mind if the rest of us don't acquire and spread AIDS, do you?

[quote]I am 42 years old and HIV positive. I am not looking for a boyfriend right now (work, school, etc. eat all my time), but I will be 'in the market' in two years or so. I'd like to find a man who is successful (by which I do NOT exclusively mean financially), respected, funny, educated (preferably with a graduate degree), reasonably fit, reasonably handsome, able to fuck the shit out of me and/or just hold my hand. He also has to be fine with the fact that I have HIV. In other words, I doubt that I will ever find him.

In other words, you want everything. Who doesn't?

I'm all those things, except without the graduate degree (eyeroll), and my ex was HIV+, while I'm negative. I've got no problem dating poz guys, but if I was with an serodiscordant partner, we'd do everything but fucking. That's just my limit -- and fortunately my ex felt the same way.

Are you going to blame getting cancer on someone else? Take some fucking responsibility for your own health.

Well, I really don't do anything unsafe with a guy in the first place, so I guess it would not be a big deal. But I also don't do hook-ups.

To answer this question, I need to know how hot the guy is.

OP assumes that all posters are HIV negative. Kind of right as there are so many posters who are negative and ignorant about HIV. You stupid fag-frauen.

What gays are to 1 million moms, so HIV is to DL.

I assume every partner is HIV positive. A lot of men are unintentionally infected by a partner who thinks they are negative.

If you are a sexually active gay man, statistically, you have likely had sex with someone who is poz.

A gym friend of mine told me that he has barebacked on occasion. I'm paranoid about HIV, so I asked him if he's afraid of contracting HIV. His outrageous response was that if he gets it, he gets it, and besides, nobody dies of AIDS nowadays anyway. The topper is that this guy is a nurse. I know he does meth. He told me that he went to some party last year, maybe the Black Party, where he was up for two days straight. He got about two hours sleep after that, and went to work at the hospital right after. Scary. Wouldn't have wanted to be his patient that morning.

I am pretty sure my GP is positive now, but wasn't when I started seeing him. But I would never ask.

[quote]I was also thinking this discussion might encourage poz guys to lie in the future.

Hopefully it will encourage other guys to take safer sex very seriously.

The meds are not a picnic. Life is harder, physically and emotionally. I have many regrets and nothing I did while I was being so enthusiastically 'sex-positive' now seems as worth it as it did at the time.

On the flip side, I'm much less stressed about my smoking.

I couldn't. I'd willingly be friends with an HIV positive person and if I really trusted him cuddle, but I couldn't do anything beyond that. I hope that a cure is found someday.

I think we can be candid and truthful without being insensitive.

I'd be too afraid,safe sex reduces the risk greatly but accidents do happen.

Sorry, but add me to the list of guys who would NOT date or even knowingly have sex with an HIV positive guy.

Condoms can break, pre-cum can contain small amounts of the HIV virus.

I've even be accidentally hit in the eye with a cumshot from a guy who was riding my dick.

Luckily, I'm still negative.

I briefly dated a guy who was HIV+ several years ago,we used condoms for everything(I'm a top)but one night during sex he decided to run his fingernails down my back really hard to the point I had to tell him to stop and I was instantly terrified he'd broken the skin,he hadn't but that fear caused me to break up with him a short time later.

Long LONG ago, when the disease had just erupted (and I was young and cute and in the line of fire), I heard a gay advocate on TV simply say, "If you are HIV negative, guard that with your life." I swear, it stuck with me from that moment on, made unsafe sex the equivalent of drinking drain cleaner or whatever. So never much discussion or debate: sorry, I'm not the guy for knowing sex with HIV+ partner, never was.

I would not even have sex with a promiscuous dude or dudes who have a history of randOm hookups with men. If a prospective date doesn't ask me about my sexual history and sex status, I assume that person is rather cavalier about STD risk and eliminate them from consideration. I am attracted to other men or women that are just as STD phobic, discriminating, and cautious as I am.

DL- what 1 Million Moms is to gay men, DL is to HIV+ gay men.

If he were really nice, really good to me, really good FOR me, supportive, caring, compatible, loving... I short, all the things I've never come even close to experiencing in my life ... there's no way in hell I'd let a little think like HIV status get in the way of a relationship with him.

Of course, if he wasn't any of those things, HIV would be the least of the reasons I would be rejecting him for.

R94 I'm the same way,I'd be friends with a slutty guy but there's no way I'd ever have sex with one.

I'm neg, but second 96's post. And keep in mind, if one out of five gays is positive...I'm sure most of you have had sex with a positive guy.

Thank fuck for a sensible post from R96.

I will tell my story here, but I know a bunch of you will be nasty. I am a straight divorced man who prefers gay friends, although anytime I have honestly posted about relationships and not played the pronoun game a segment of you are very attacking. But whatever. I met a beautiful woman in a parenting class. Her children were very drawn to me, they really wanted attention from a father figure. My child was 1 year younger than her youngest and as a single parent it was nice to see the kids play together and we immediately clicked in class. I asked her to dinner on a weekend my ex had my daughter, and we had a lot of chemistry and after a couple drinks, she was suggesting we go to a motel. I was flattered, but I have not had sex on first date since college, so I kind of begged off. She was rattling on how she is very strict about safe sex and all of her rules about it, and then told me she was HIV+. I had already said "not yet" but in my mind it changed to not ever. I did NOT want to reject her, mainly because I don't want to punish someone for being responsible and honest.... she could have easily not told me as she looked healthy and 5 years later still looked healthy. So all of you who reject people because they are HIV need to be gentle.. Anyway, we were both single parents with our own challenges, hers were mostly financial, mine I was absolutely overwhelmed with work of taking care of a pre-schooler, a parent who developed dementia and a couple properties... so for many years she would come for a couple hours a day to help. We always took the kids to every event and we were very much like a family, although I held myself back some because 1) it was a sexless relationship and 2) one of the kids was HIV as well (she found out she was HIV while pregnant with the second one and got treatment and had a C-section, so the younger child was negative). We didn't talk about it but I ran all kinds of scenerios in my head... if she died and I was bonded to the children, I would have no claim to them, I considered the possibility of adopting them but with the older child HIV the medical bills would have been an obstacle. Plus I was just overwhelmed with all the horrible stuff I had just went through in my own life and could not justify taking on any more heavy obligations as it would have been taking away from my obligation to my own child and parents. But I did really love her and the children.... anyway, after a time, I brought up getting her a house near me so our kids could play together and she could help me more hours (I paid her by the hour), and the fact that was the increased commitment pointed up to her that we would not end up married or living together and she cut it off. I never told any of my friends or family she was HIV, they all wanted me to get together with her and could not figure out why I didn't. But for me, a condom just doesn't do it. I don't know how other people have sex, but if I am fucking someone for any period of time, there is going to be some blood at some point. I would need something approaching a space suit to feel comfortable, mask, goggles, you name it. I will tell you once the older child (who was HIV) got injured while we were at a park and I ran over to her and was cleaning up her wound and her mother freaked out and said I should not have done that without gloves and was more worried about getting alcohol on my hands than on her child's cuts. But at the moment I didn't even think. They say there is no risk from blood on skin without deep abrasions, but the CDC's decontamination procedures for body fluid spills on a linoleum floor are so extensive I doubt that all the experts genuinely believe that is the truth. Nonetheless, taking care of a bleeding child is different than making a conscious decision to enter into a sexual relationship and putting yourself at risk. Besides given that half my friends are gay, if I came down with HIV everyone would look at each other and say "told you so...."

Interesting

I found a scary blog online called A Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker and he talks about barebacking random guys he hook ups with in bath houses. Why would someone do something like that?

I would never knowingly have sex with a POZ guy. Talk about playing Russian roulette.

Theres some poz people that think that because they already have it, there's no worries anymore R102 Little do they know you can catch different strains - some of which are less manageable than others. And having multiple strains can't be good either.

[quote]I found a scary blog online called A Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker and he talks about barebacking random guys he hook ups with in bath houses. Why would someone do something like that?

Because he's a bad person.

But anybody barebacking with him is a stupid person.

While one doesn't cancel the other out it's a reminder we're all responsible for ourselves first and foremost. I'm sure most positive people are responsible.

One thing that blows my mind are the number of people who don't know their status. The tests are easy and cheap... wouldn't you want the peace of mind for yourself and others?

I have had sex with probably at least 10, possibly as many as 50, men who are HIV+ in my adult life. Just taking a broad guess. I'm negative.

I always thought it was a mood-killer to have the HIV conversation at the point of sexual intimacy, so I just stuck with pre-mentioned safety but never asked a guy to tell me his HIV status. In a hookup from online I would say up front - "I don't bareback - no exceptions - are we still a match?" With one exception, nobody who agreed up front, ever tried to bareback with me.

I think it's different for top vs bottom, in hookup situations, if you are HIV- and determined to stay that way. If you are the top, you are much more in control of what's going on. The bottom can't impale himself on your dick without you noticing. But if you are going to be the bottom or versatile, in a hookup, you have to be more careful: there are guys out there who will want to "breed" your hole raw even if you want a condom to be used. My now-partner had that happen to him once, the guy made motions of putting condom on and then at some point "oh i guess it fell off." Disturbing to say the least.

Isn't that a crime?

r107...yes it is...but you would be surprised at how many guys (poz aand neg) just dont care. Check out barebackrt.com sometime. It boggles the mind.

I was with a fuck buddy Friday night; he got me all hot and ready for it but in the throws of passion I ask him if he's positive and he says no; and he had a condom on.

He looked at me and said I'm not going to fuck you.

All I felt was relief.

We did lots of other stuff that I enjoy even more.

I won't spend the next six months wondering and fearing.

It's sad when you go on Twitter and all these assholes have #TeamBB and #BBH on their profiles.I'm surprised some new strain of super AIDS hasn't been created from all that mess.

I'm not surprised about the hashtags, R110. First, it seems like any sense of responsibility to other people is totally dead and secondly we're so busy making HIV management so easy and unremarkable the perception is there's nothing to fear.

It scares me to think there are so many HIV+ guys willing to fuck a person bareback,I mean we think the bug chasers are fucked up but how much of a monster do you have to be to knowingly infect someone with a disease that still has the potential to be fatal! Those guys at Treasure Island can cry freedom of choice all they want but the movies they make are pretty much snuff films.

I'm not HIV+ and I don't bareback, but I'm not willing to call someone HIV+ who does fuck someone without condoms a "monster."

First, we all know how HIV is spread, so anyone who gets fucked bareback knows the risk they are taking. The partner could be negative, positive and not know it, or positive and know it.

Second, look at this thread. Many of the people who are negative are dismissive and rude toward people who are positive, regardless of the actual transmission risk. Yet, every poz guy was once negative. Someone did that to them. Why does the poz guy have to be superhuman, supermoral when he was not shown that consideration?

Third, someone who is medication or undectable poses less risk of transmission than someone who is not.

It doesn't make it right, and he could (and in most cases, would) use a condom. But this kind of guy is hardly a monster - especially when we all know that the other guy is probably begging to be fucked raw.

"Why does the poz guy have to be superhuman, supermoral when he was not shown that consideration?"

Good God, using a condom doesn't require "supermoral" courage, just a bit of common sense and consideration! And yes, it is incumbent upon an HIV positive person to avoid infecting others. Those who have the power to injure others need to avoid doing so - cooks need to make sure they don't serve up salmonella omelettes, surgeons need to have the skill and training to make sure they don't cut anything they shouldn't, etc.

Why is it so hard to use safe sex practices? HIV is not only dangerous, even today, it makes it harder to get laid. Isn't that a motivation in itself?

I've fucked and been fucked by Poz guys, always with condoms, MANY condoms (you know that you're supposed to remove and replace them after a few minutes?)

I only had sex with the ones I REALLY wanted to, I'm still friends with one and I'm still neg. but I never BB no matter what!

I don't blame HIV- guys for not wanting to have sex with an HIV+ person, but I also find this thread kind of disturbing in its assumptions regarding HIV+ men being responsible for AIDS. HIV is a virus. If you are negative, stay negative. Use a condom and never assume someone is HIV- simply because they tell you that they are HIV-. They may be lying or even unsure of their actual status. This is where all the blame breaks down and you have to take responsibility for your own status. If you sometimes have safe sex and sometimes don't, then you are more likely to become infected. It's a huge issue now for young people who either don't care or are wildly inconsistent. The stigma and blame placed upon HIV+ guys is really misplaced.

A few years ago – and keep in mind I’m the first generation post-HIV. I don’t think that gay men younger than us got the media blitz about terminal AIDS while we watched the older guys die one by one.

So maybe that’s why I reacted the way I did to this: I had a friend who’s partner tested +, he’s not, and the partner was (and still is healthy – he’s one of those guys with HIV who’s lived with it for decades,) anyway we were out to lunch, and for boring reasons he offered me half of his burger – cut it in two for me, and, well, even though I KNEW that there was no risk, that there was no possibility of becoming infected by eating half his burger – I still had that freak out second.

It’s silly, it didn't make any sense, the risk was nil, and that’s what I felt. I used to tell myself that I would be enlightened about this, that I wouldn't react with ignorance, that I wouldn't project, but I did.

So no, I don’t think I could have sex protected or otherwise with a + guy.

With safe sex education, I use the pregnancy analogy. Do you want to have a baby? If not, use a condom every time. Also, HIV is permanent. The medications are awful and expensive. I would much rather hear that guys are educating their friends and helping everyone - negative or poz - to stay healthy. I do think HIV will be eradicated in my lifetime.

Sad facts about the "resurgent gay global epidemic" at the link.

"Despite having an increasing number of tools to prevent HIV, prevalence in MSM is increasing almost everywhere and incidence (the proportion who acquire HIV every year) is stubbornly refusing to change."

"The chance of HIV being caught from having receptive anal sex once with a partner with a detectable HIV viral load is about 1.4% or one in 71 encounters; but because people have sex together more than once, the per-partner likelihood of catching HIV from a sero-different partner is, in gay men, about 40%."

I know it was meant to be funny, but I think it says something about how HIV- guys view HIV+ guys, the way that OP's poll listed 'I am Dawson' as the sole option to self-identify as HIV+. The idea that if you are HIV+ you are probably an insatiable cum-slut bottom into sleaze and a bazillion sex partners.

Several of the HIV+ guys I know say it changed their relationship to sex, in some cases making them permanently less sexual. Sure the "fuck it, I am going to bareback nonstop on a rocket to hell" approach is one approach. But it is not how most HIV+ men respond to the diagnosis.

I'm sorry R113 even if it's one of those obviously mentally deranged bug chasers if a HIV+ guy knowingly has unprotected sex with someone in hopes of infecting them then they're a monster.

I am completely comfortable with it. We are careful of course, but have found that fucking isn't the ultimate sex act and there's a whole lot of stuff that's just as hot if you get out of the hetero thing of cock in hole. The shit he goes through being a positive guy with a negative partner is worse than it is for me being with a positive guy.

What did you mean by that r122? What does he go through? Also what are some examples of you're hot sex acts?

Can a new more powerful strain of HIV really be created by mixing strains and just how many strains are there?

Ugh I was just about to hook up with this hot daddy and he told me he was poz. We weren't even gonna do anything anal or unsafe but I couldn't go through with it. Honestly from a neg dude's perspective I would rather you not tell me but just make fucking sure on your end we're not doing anything unsafe. I do too, but I will admit that I was previously in the habit of "dipping" from time to time. But a vigilant and safe poz dude won't even let you do that. I have a long term fuck bud who I suspect is poz and when we fuck the condom is secured before my dick goes anywhere near his hole.

I know it's next to impossible for a poz undetectable dude on meds to pass anything and we were just gonna trade blowjobs but as soon as he said he was poz it was "there" and I knew I wouldn't enjoy it. At least not right now. We may hook up another time.

Poz guys: if it's a hookup and you're undetectable just shut up and keep It safe. The neg dudes don't want to know.

My first "real" gay relationship (and my longest at 4 years) was with an HIV+ guy. After we broke up, people asked me why I got into a relationship with him in the first place (because he's HIV+). I explained that, because we KNEW he was HIV+, we KNEW that we had to ALWAYS be safe. No, I didn't get it from him (or anyone else). I came out to my family while with him. I had many "firsts" with him. He was a great guy. I have no regrets.

R125 and R126 illustrate how crazy people can be about HIV and the associated risks.

We have one guy who prefers his partners to lie about or conceal their status rather than disclose that they are HIV+. We have another who faces the risks realistically and refuses to stigmatize a positive partner.

Which of these men do you want as a partner? Which is more likely to become HIV+?

"According to the latest estimates, a staggering 68% of new HIV transmissions in gay and bi men occur in relationships or in the context of two guys sleeping together regularly. For guys aged 16 to 24, we’re talking about 79%."

Yes, how many strains of the virus are there? Is that why the first waves in the early 80s got so sick so quickly...because they were unknowingly contracting many different strains of the virus as they fucked their way through the 70s?

While we should be sensitive to people with STDs, we should be candid and honest about the priority of remaining STD-negative. We also must be truthful about the types of behaviors and lifestyles that lead to STD. Thus, we should promote people being very discriminating about potential sexual partners and stop viewing condoms as an absolute justification for bad and unhealthy behavior. It is still not very wise to have condomed sex with a partner that has STDs.

According to a poster above, "the chance of HIV being caught from having receptive anal sex once with a partner with a detectable HIV viral load is about 1.4% or one in 71 encounters."

That seems very low for a bottom engaging in unprotected anal sex.

Are a lot of porn stars HIV+?

Of course nasty old Russia would be on the front lines of new Super-HIV's.

Well thanks barebackers and junkies you've managed to the horrible even worse. Now all it needs is to become airborne and humanity is good and properly fucked.

People who are not phobic of STDs tend to get them. And condoms are not the solution to promiscuity and casual anal sex, they are excuses for some to continue their unhealthy behaviors.

That raw_top guy on Twitter that I mentioned runs a bareback website so out of curiosity I checked it out and it was the creepy bug chasing/gift giving freakshow you'd expect and what's really scary is these guys don't see HIV as anything to be concerned about and think nothing of giving it to someone else.

You sound like a great person R10

I hope you inhale it first, r134

You'll probably be patient zero R138.

r121 r124 r132 (porn stars? what do you care? pathetic) r134 r136 and r139 :

Truth is I am positive. I live a great life, have a great partner (16 years), great friends, family and a job that allows me to help people in a real and effective sense.

Good luck on losing your virginity. I'd recommend some sit-ups and shampoo. Freak.

Glad to hear you're living a great life, R140.

I'm far from a virgin R140 I just prefer to be safe and know the status of the person I choose to be intimate with.

r142 All the while viciously judging and condemning people. Sweet.

I have nothing against people living with HIV,the issue I have is with people promoting unsafe sex and intentionally infecting other people.

Your nasty tone speaks for itself. And, you have nothing against HIV+ people so you speculate about porn performers and cruise barebacking blogs. But, if you want to continue to assert your virtue, I'll give up now.

Just trying to educate myself on the subject and like I'm the only one speculating! Have you not seen the Which Porn Star is the Biggest Whore thread?

Your process is lacking, good luck.

My process is just fine.

You're a psychotic idiot, R147/145/blah blah.

[quote]I've fucked and been fucked by Poz guys, always with condoms, MANY condoms [bold](you know that you're supposed to remove and replace them after a few minutes?)[/bold]

Whaaaaat? I have never in my life heard that!

If you devalue random promiscuous sex more than your life and health, you are likely to contract an STD eventually. Conforms dont negate bad unhealthy behavior.

Squeamishness and prudery don't prevent STDs either, r151. There are plenty who catch an STD on their first time having sexual activity, and there are plenty who have hundreds of partners and don't catch anything (or at least don't get diagnosed).

Yes R152 but being a glory hole bathhouse cum dump is definitely going to increase your chances.

r153 And that's your problem isn't it? You can't help yourself judging people. HIV+ of course equals whore, cumdump, moral reprobate, all so far beneath you and your shining fucking virtue. You're so grand, thank goodness the rest of us misguided fags have you around to preach right from wrong.

In case no one ever told you before, you are a first class, unlovable asshole.

r152, according to CDC and most experts, there are not "plenty" of sexually "prudish" or "squeamish" people contracting the disease in the last decade, in relative percentages. The CDC and epidemiologists still say that the largest chunk of Americans who contract the disease are still noticeably distinct in their sexual behaviors, mainly the propensity to engage in anal sex with multiple partners, often unprotected. Non-monogamous anal sex still is the biggest activity driving new infections. Now, I would like to see more studies devoted to evaluating the lifestyles and practices of gay/bi men who remain STD-free longterm.

Piss off R154 What part of Pointless Bitchery don't you get?

Sorry, but I could not do it. My health and life are more important. My physician friend just said that he advises people not to have sex with an HIV positive partner even with a condom, especially if it involves anal activity. He thinks anal sex is very unsafe with a condom and should be avoided unless you confirm that both partners are STD-free. There is no way I would risk my life over sex.

According to the poster above, there's only 1 in 71 chance from catching HIV through receptive anal. That's barely more than a 1% chance of getting it through one encounter.

r158, plenty enough chance to make me avoid actions from which it can be acquired. we are talking about deadly consequences here.

130/157/159=homophobic porn addict shut in.

A very prolific troll.

No, we're not R159, it is no longer a fatal disease.

Would you guys feel comfortable blowing a guy you know is poz? I've performed oral on too many guys to count over the years, some of whom must've been poz, and I am still neg. However, if someone were to tell me he's poz, I probably wouldn't do oral. I know that's not rational thinking. Intellectually I know I wouldn't get it...it's a psychological thing I guess.

No way, r162. I am very conservative in my sexual behavior and screen out people who have been promiscuous, but I could never give oral to someone who was of questionable or unknown status. I couldn't even kiss them deeply. I believe in screening your potential partners, which takes time and observation. People who sleep around obviously cant do that, which leads to a tragic result.

It would be difficult but I think I could do it for the right guy - but it certainly wouldn't be my preference.

It can be treated now but if a new med resistant strain is born out of all the barebacking that seems to be going on we'll be right back to square one.

Yep, it is still a potentially deadly ailment they severely skiers one's body AMC life

I wonder just how these bareback proponents who say HIV is not a big deal anymore will feel when they're lying in a hospital bed dying from a super strain they helped to create.

Before the news of this superstrain broke, I posted in another HIV thread a few months back about how there is probably some deadly strain brewing as we speak, and I was pooh-poohed and told by the "medical experts" here that I know nothing about science or about how infectious diseases work.

r165 While symptoms can be alleviated, the medicines they put you on will have devastating effects on your body and health. There is no cure for HIV, it is still a deadly disease. It is not manageable. You will succumb to it...PERIOD. My friend who is in his early 50's has been positive for 30 some odd years. He has been on many therapies and they eventually stop working. He is now out of medicinal options. The drugs have stopped working and he is now in full blown AIDS. Not to mention the drugs have damaged his liver, pancreas and caused him to become diabetic. He has been told by his doctors he is looking at the end of his life way to early and he is very scared. He always says if he could go back and change when he got infected he would in a heartbeat. Now with the super strain, it is even scarier. HIV is no joke stop saying it is "treatable" or a mild inconvenience it's a big god damn deal.

[quote]Besides given that half my friends are gay, if I came down with HIV everyone would look at each other and say "told you so...."

Aw, poor straight guy, the world might think you were one of us dirty diseased fags! Boo Hoo!

[quote]While symptoms can be alleviated, the medicines they put you on will have devastating effects on your body and health.

On World AIDS day, my local newspaper published a story about a 49-year-old salon operator who was forced to give up haircutting after he suffered a stroke two months ago. Doctors told him that the medications that have helped him survive for the last 30 years likely contributed to his stroke, which affected the left side of his body, including his manual dexterity and motor skills.

My local newspaper claimed Iraq had WMD and outed a CIA operative.

All this new super strain talk makes me want to stick to jerking off to porn.

r173, give us some of the credit too.

Awww,Thanks R174 It's nice of you to climb out of the sling long enough to comment.

I am just fine with it!

[quote]You are a shameless little bugging queen aren't you?

I think I've found my new fave DL running gag insult.

Now who can use it against next?

Tammy?

Henry?

Rebekah Brookes?

I think you have to balance being sensitive to people currently with HIV and talking straight and tough to people who are negative. I think the people who are high risk generally tend to be people who are probe to risky behavior. Many of them have other issues and temptation beyond sex they put them at Heath risk, including drug and alcohol use. I think that people at low risk generally are risk aversion people with conservative behavioral inclinations. Somehow, we need to reach people who think it is okay to put their lives at risk over sex and drug use.

Now the virus is mutating to a very deadly strain. Please wear a condom or just have one lover!

Virus's are scary!Science can't even agree if they qualify as living things yet they are some of the most efficient killers in nature. With just one little mutation a virus that was harmless or only slightly infectious can become deadly and decimate entire populations.Nature sucks sometimes!

No way, dude. I think people need to stop worshipping sex and restrain themselves.. Sleeping around is stupid and unhealthy. And condoms are not a license to be promiscuous or unrestrained in your behavior. I could not risk my life to have sex with someone who might have STDs, let alone someone confirmed to have them. Monogamy works.

Nature always sucks R181. Everything in the world that isn't you would like to kill and eat you. That's just the way nature is.

r182 is my kind of guy. A lot of you claim that monogamy is some heteronormative construct that we gay guys need to ignore, but the truth is that you have a much less chance of getting any STD from a monogamous partner than from constant hookups. And despite what so many guys claim here, not every partner who claims to be monogamous is cheating behind their backs.

thank you, r184! powerfully spoken. While you should not blindly conclude that every person in a purported relationship is actually monogamous, statistically people who in those relationships are a lot healthier, less likely to get STDs, and more content. Further, I think that a lot of the negative talk about cheating people is from people who are projecting their own sexual issues and behavior onto others. In the real world, I hear mostly belief in true monogamy and fidelity from my friends, especially my married friends, and I see them sincerely and heroically trying to live by that standard. It is interesting that our society has become much more culturally liberal on a host of issues, but on the issue of monogamy, polls show we have become even more conservative. It is a foundational health and welfare issue.

It's hard for me to believe that the last four replies are gay men....if so, way to go guys, I'm impressed.

Would like to know their ages.

Disappointing news: HIV has returned in the two men who were able to go off antiretroviral medication because of undetectable virus levels after receiving bone marrow transplants for cancer, according to news reports.

"The reemergence of the virus demonstrates that HIV reservoirs — latent cells that carry the genetic code of HIV — are lurking deeper in the body and are more persistent than scientists had realized."

What the fuck is wrong with some of you? People have fought long and hard to make it clear that AIDS isn't a "gay disease" or "gay cancer," yet you act like guys who are HIV- are obligated to have sex with guys who are HIV+. Being negative and wanting to do everything it takes to remain that way is perfectly fine, so quit trying to guilt people into thinking otherwise. Poz people deserve respect, sure, but even if condoms and other precautions are taken, why take the risk if you're HIV-?

Lots of limited, morally challenged people on this thread. Enjoy your sheep-like lives of fear and conformity, BAAAAH BAAAH.

My BF who is positive and contracted HIV in a long term, monogamous relationship fucked me senseless last night. He had a rubber on his cock and he fucked me ball deep. We have been together almost six years and I remain negative. Get a grip on yourselves. If you think that you can control getting infected by who you have sex with you're deluded. There are so many other factors- viral load if your partner is positive, cuts in your mouth/ bleeding gums, whether your partner or you know if you are positive, using the right lube if you fuck etc.

Seriously, most posts on this thread are like if Palin turned into a paranoid homo bottom. Such persons are the most at risk.

I didn't know I had HIV. Then it turned into AIDS and I gave up on sex altogether. That was 10 year ago and I still refuse sex because I don't want to trust somebody's life on a condom. I found that just having fun times with my friends and hobbies are enough to carry me through until the day I cross over into Hell to pay for the filthy things I did with my mouth and asshole that caused me to become infected with the virus.

to "fucked ball deep" -- isn't it a fact you don't do ass to mouth with that HIV+ boyfriend or suck his cock and swallow his cum? for if you did you'd become infected and be called a "bug chaser."

@R191, if not a freeper, you REALLY need therapy.

The current life expectancy of someone newly diagnosed is 24 years. Sure, some live well past that point but many die much sooner.

I'm 23 years old. If I contract HIV tomorrow, and live the average life span of a poz person, I will die before I am 50. It is true that things are improving but HIV/AIDS is NOT just a chronic illness. I WILL kill you eventually, and you most likely will suffer all sorts of problems from the meds.

I don't do random hook-ups, I get tested regularly and, when I do have sex, it is always safe. I hope some day to be in a long-term monogamous relationship where I can trust someone enough to not worry about safe sex, but I can't see that happening any time soon.

I did mean to say IT will kill you eventually. I won't kill you. I promise.

Once I found out I was positive, I never engaged in sex again. I joke and tease, but I would never physically engage in any sex act. It's just not fair to your partner. It's been since Sept of 93 and I haven't had a change of heart since.

I know if I found a guy I really really loved and if he loved me back I'd stick with him forever.

My friends tell me I'm too picky, but it has to be real.

I can't control who I'm attracted to.

I would never, ever, EVER have anything to do with a positive person, beyond a platonic friendship. Unless someone was raped and, unfortunately, got infected, or was lied to and deliberately infected by a sex partner (it does happen, sadly enough), I do not feel any compassion for irresponsible imbeciles who think that they are above taking indispensable precautions.

I'm in my 70's and I've been positive for 24 years. I've been fortunate to have had no physical problems from the virus. I have always taken my pills, then the combination drugs religiously but gave up sex once I knew I was HIV+. I avoid social contact with people who are negative as much as possible, I have major problems with their limited scope and santimonious bullshit statements. The other positive people I know socially, are in step with my sentiments. Becoming ill exposes who are your true friends. Surprisingly, most of mine turned out to be straight people.

when i was much younger i dated an hit + guy. we used condoms 90% of the time (i was the top) and i did feel nervous but i always tested neg. now i never fuck or get fucked without a condom unless i am seriously dating or have a trusted fb. I'm quite proud to be negative and am alarmed that so many young guys have hiv. on that note, i would certainly date someone with hiv but i would prefer to be with someone neg. i guess it all depends.it would not be an instant NO for me.

Hey r198 , you can probably spare people the platonic friendship. I don't think anyone will miss it, asshole.

Oooooh R201, I touched a nerve there. I guess you're upset that some of us are not bug chasers.

Good luck with your imminent reinfection! I'm sure that all your "friends" will be rushing to hold your hand while you're dying of AIDS-related complications... Supposing that they're still alive, of course.

r198 Now you're making assumptions. You sound like a really nasty queen. And I say that based on evidence, not assumptions.

I think its pretty safe to say R198 / 202 is a very toxic person who no one would care to spend much time with. It is also safe to assume they dont know what the word platonic means.

Stop ganging on R198, you bitches! It ain't her fault if she has out-cunted you all.

R205 Using a sock puppet only reinforces how sad and lonely you are.

LOfuckingL.

Dudes, be decent.

There is a super strain of HIV on the horizon! But you fags could care less right?

[quote]But you fags could care less right?

Oh, dear. Why do the illiterate think we care about they have to say?

How being comfortable around a person with *known* HIV becomes fodder for such inflammatory rudeness is beyond my grasp. You tools are pathetic, heartless, and despicable excuses for human beings.

R211, gay men have zero empathy for each other!

R212 Speak for yourself.

This thread speaks for me

It's the racist trailer trash lesbian troll at R209/R212/R214.

r212 Stop projecting.

Gay men can be some of the meanest, nastiest bastards on the planet! Karma

Most gays have HIV

Straight females: how comfortable would you be having an HIV positive sex partner?

r219, a straight up woman hating fag! Go take your aids meds!

I'm in a relationship with the kindest, hottest guy. He's positive and we have safe sex. I love him and feel more loved by him as each year passes. I remain negative through some pretty basic principles of safe sex. For the record, R220, he takes his meds for HIV every night and is as healthy as I am. We adore each other and have a hot sex life. I hope your bitterness keeps you warm, because it appears that it's all you have.

Do you think an HIV positive person should tell you before you go out on a date?

Gamy men: stop getting HIV!, love yourselves

So far the hybrid strains created by mixing have been controllable by current meds but what happens when a strain is created that is immune to the currently available drugs?

R222, yes

R,224, it will happen!

To be candid, I am always aware of my actions and risks around someone with a communicable disease, even if nothing high or moderate risk is being done. I know of someone with HIV, and I must say that I was very aware of my interactions with him while I was hanging with him. I tried to be rational and not let him know I was apprehensive, but I was very deliberate and conscious of my interactions. I could not be in romantic relationship and be physical with a person with HIV. My health is of utmost importance.

I hate to admit it but I think I would always be at least slightly apprehensive while being intimate with someone who was HIV+.You can take every precaution but accidents do happen.

R225 - So he didn't. I met a guy out at a bar with his friend - had a good time and then we decided to have a date.

Not once did he mention he was HIV+ until the end of the dinner date.

He said I was dishonest in my feelings but I was honestly in shock and didn't know what to say. I'm not a person who declines someone dismissively.

FYI: this is the 3rd guy i've known who has contracted HIV from his long-term partner.

Personally, I don't there is any obligation to disclose before a first date, just before sexual contact. . A first date is about getting to know each other. If you think someone has a responsibility to disclose, just ask his status before confirming the date. Then the person - regardless of his HIV status - can see who you truly are.

I was raped by another guy nine years ago. Was on vacation in DC. Met him at a bar and went home with him. I honestly didn't intend to do anything other than kissing and JO. Up til that point I hadn't even done oral, let alone anal. He must've laced my drink with something. The next few months were awful as I waited for HIV test results. I turned out neg, but the whole experience left me petrified and paranoid about the virus, so much so that I won't even kiss anyone. Again, I know it's not rational, but the rape and the torment of waiting for results did a number on my mental health.

R231, what bar did you go to in DC?

good to see people being so candid yet respectful and sensitive.

If a guy I'm about to fsck is positive, but undetectable, I'd rather *not* know. I'm always safe anyway, and knowing in that context would just ruin the fun by making me pointlessly neurotic. I'm almost always a top, but I absolutely wouldn't be able to bottom for a guy who's positive. It's hard enough for me to semi-relax enough to bottom under the *best* circumstances. Terrorized by the possibility of a broken condom isn't one of them. It's pointless to speculate whether I'd have a RELATIONSHIP with a guy who's positive... I'm an aspie, and would have a mental breakdown within days if I actually had to be in a real relationship with *anybody* that was more demanding than "maybe hang out once or twice a month".

Why do so many gay men loathe themselves

Nasty, uninformed thread. Uninformed often leads to infection. I worry far more for positive guys having to face the ignorance of negative guys. 20 years and with a few fucks and a couple of relationships with positive men, I'm still negative, so quit the dumb generalizations. Being in a 'sero- discordant' relationship is as hard for the positive partner as it is for the negative.

One out of five gay men are positive...63 percent of men who know they are positive, have unprotected sex. And how many are not diagnosed?

Do you honestly think you are not having sex with positive guys?

I am neg, but if I found "Mr. Right", and he happened to be pos, I'd feel more comfortable knowing the risk, performing safely, and being in a loving relationship... instead of hooking up with lots of guys for casual sex.

r237, I know I am not because I am in a longterm monogamous relationship with someone with the same sexual ethics and practice (exclusive longterm monogamy) as I have. A lot of people can say the same. True mutual monogamy works.

I hope for your sake he is truly monogamous, r238

r239, your question is insulting. You seem to presume men in relationships with men cannot be monogamous. People don't presume that in heterosexual relationships. There are gay and bisexual men with strong moral values and ethics who vehemently believe in lifelong monogamy.

I don't think if a guy is HIV+ he has to become a celibate monk but I do think he has to be cautious and be aware of any risks to his potential partners and that includes telling them the truth upfront so they can be aware of those risks as well and decide whether or not they want to proceed.

Yeah

Drugs that reduce the risk of HIV transmission have complicated the definition of “protection” for some gay men:

r240 And your tone is so sanctimonious it's insulting. I can't stand morally superior creeps like you.

I would definitely have bareback sex with a positive dude and let him breed me with his poz cum.

I really hope you're just trolling R245. People suffered and died because they didn't know any better. All the information is out there on safer sex practices; be safe. It's not worth it.

Can someone start a thread about this?

Here goes: I'm making the decision to have raw sex. I'm 31 years old, top, and have never experienced what it is like to cum inside someone raw. I remain negative. I have a very hot and very healthy fuckbuddy and I proposed to him that we both get tested, show recent results, and I'll swallow his load if he lets me cum in him raw. He's super hot and we have amazing sexual chemistry. I feel like this is an informed decision with someone I trust. I'm getting tested next week and I'm really excited about it. I just really wanted to feel this while I'm still young and hot enough to do it and I really do feel like there's an element of sexuality that I'm missing out on. I have no interest in doing this casually or even with him on a regular basis for that matter, it's just something I want to experience.

About 8 yrs ago I knowingly received a hand job/blow job from a man I knew to be HIV-positive. Although it didn't worry me I did get tested 4 months later and was negative.

I'm just glad I was never into anal sex in the first place.

No way, I don't even consider dudes who have promiscuous or loose sexual histories. I am very STD phobic, never had an STD.

l

I'm poz, but undetectable, and I had a guy hit me up on Grindr that wanted to hook up who was visiting the area. He asked if I was poz or neg, I told him poz and he was all gung ho for me to top and breed him bare. He said he is on the truvada drug and he loves to have guys fuck him bare, poz or not. I was kinda surprised by it. I just can't imagine going into your doctor's office and tell them that you want to go on the drug b/c you like sex w/o condoms. I didn't hook up w/him, but it was just surprising.

Just curious r252, what if you found the man of your dreams and were in a LT monogamous relationship?

No way dude

Sadly, just found out from my sister yesterday that her best friend since high school (and a longtime friend of the family) just tested positive for HIV. He actually thinks he was infected five years ago but never got tested until just recently (he's been very sick recently). Anyway, my sister said he's taking the news very well and is vowing to stay as healthy and as happy as he can.

I think some gay men are willing to take too many risks for mere sex. I think it is literally the fatal flaw of a subset of gay men.

J

i am hivnegtiv and like to be fucked raw by one hivpositiv, it turns me o.

could never do it

Recently finding out that I am positive has really made me think about this thread. When I was negative I would have given pause to the potential of having a positive sex partner, but now I wouldn't. I will treat every partner as if we were both positive and use protection. I'm a top and thought I always took the proper precautions and even that wasn't protection enough I guess. And for those who think that tops are less likely to get HIV don't fool yourselves.

Hello let me share this testimony to the world to hear about him too this man really exit I was hiv positive over 9year I have being in medication and I try to look for cure to my problem and I go through internet doctor and I found a tradition doctor named DR.ABEGBE I contacted him for help he give me all his laws and rule that if I get cured I should write about him and that is what am doing now, this man ask for some information about me, which I give him this man cure me from HIV what a great man thank for your help when he get the information he told me that he is about to work on it 20 to 30 minute this man email me and told me what to do for the curing which I did after all the things needed for the cure is provide the man call me in 45mins later and tell me to go for test what a great day to me I was negative thanks dr.abegbe you can contact him now DR.ABEGBESPELLHOME@HOTMAIL.COM OR 2348113017989

[=

The nation’s HIV rate has fallen by a third in the last decade, the federal researchers said in a new report released Saturday.

While many population groups shared in this welcome decline in new HIV cases, one group — young gay or bisexual men — saw a 133 percent increase over the time period.

SEE ALSO: JAMA opinion piece calls for ending lifetime ban on blood donation by gay men

These disparities in HIV rates among young gay and bisexual men “present prevention challenges and warrant expanded efforts,” wrote Anna Satcher Johnson, an epidemiologist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), and her colleagues in the study in the July 23/30 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA).

The JAMA issue is dedicated to HIV/AIDS in light of the 20th International AIDS Conference, which runs July 20-25 in Melbourne, Australia.

The CDC report said that in 2002, there were 24 new cases of HIV per 100,000 population.

By the end of 2011, this diagnosis rate fell to 16 cases per 100,000 population, a 33 percent drop.

Over that decade, some 500,000 people contracted HIV in the United States.

In 2011, some 41,720 new HIV cases were reported, with 26,033 occurring among men who have sex with men (MSM).

Around 62 percent of HIV cases in the United States are due to MSM sexual contact, the report’s data showed.

Among MSM, age played a role in HIV acquisition: Men in the 35-44 age group saw a significant 45 percent decline in cases between 2002 and 2011.

However, case rates rose among men aged 13-24, 45-54, and 55 and older. The most dramatic increase was seen in men 13-24 — in 2002, these teens and young men reported less than 3,000 HIV cases, but in 2011, they reported 6,919 cases, a 133 percent increase.

The MSM age group with the highest number of cases in 2011 was the 25-34 age group. The number of their reported cases — 7,929 — was virtually unchanged from 2002.

Other highlights of the HIV new-diagnosis report in JAMA:

• HIV cases reported by women dropped by almost half, from 15,705 in 2002 to 8,740 in 2011.

• By race and ethnicity, blacks continued to have the highest rate in 2011 (62.6 cases per 100,000), although this was 37 percent lower than in 2002. For whites and Hispanics, the 2011 rates were 6.9 cases and 22 cases per 100,000, respectively. Both of these groups saw a decline of 30 percent or more since 2002.

How to Get Away with Murder has a storyline that may be of interest.

Only a poz guy can give you the bug, a poz guy can give it to you even with precautions.

A neg guy can never give it to you, even if raw.

You see poz, run far, run fast.

"By the end of 2011, this diagnosis rate fell to 16 cases per 100,000 population"

That seems very low. Almost inconsequential.

We should do everything passible to not get any std. The most important way to do this is to limit sex partners, be very discriminating and selective in choosing your partner, being mutually monogamous longterm, and using condoms.

[quote] The most important way to do this is to limit sex partners, be very discriminating and selective in choosing your partner, being mutually monogamous longterm, and using condoms.

Completely disagree. Adult gay males should have robust sexual lives. Take precaution but being "discriminating" and "selective" is contrary to nature. Monogamy is only for those who desire it. Men should NOT fear sex, and should carry no shame about gay sexuality. Without sex you're already dead. For all you Nervous Nancys Truvada is the answer.

r264, I know a lot of people with your sexual ethic and philosophy. A good percentage of them have HIV, amongst other STDs. I also know a lot of people with the "discriminating" sexual ethic who live by it. Not one of them has HIV to my knowledge.

r264, promiscuity and sleeping around is not "gay sexuality," it is "promiscuous sexuality." Moreover, monogamy can be a hot "robust sexual" life. In fact, it is for millions.

All of my boyfriends except one have been HIV+, on meds, and with undetectable viral loads. I don't live in fear. You guys are a bunch of cowards.

You are correct r265. Celibates do not contract HIV. Discriminating and selective queens do. No amount of discernment or selectivity will tell you if a prospect has HIV. However, it can ensure that you are miserable and sex-starved. Congratulations!

R266 I am not advocating promiscuity. Each individual's libido is their own guide. I would also advocate safe sex. But safe sex has been advocated for 4 decades and it just doesnt happen. You should NOT fear or be ashamed of gay sex. Inhibition also leads to HIV infection.

Lol @ these whores being bitter about people not needing casual sex. Fuck off sluts, no one wants your disease

It's time to stop being scared of HIV pos people

A person who is knows they are positive is on retrovirals with a low viral load doesn't scare me at all. I feel a bit safer.

The scariest people to sleep with are the ones who don't know they are positive. You are always taking a huge risk when it comes to that.

I had an HIV+ boyfriend for two years (he dumped me).

We were always safe (he would double-up on condoms when he fucked me). I would also wear a condom during oral.

He now has a 20-something boy-toy, going on three years.

I'm still HIV-negative and loved him very much.

In my experience, in the big city, it's the girls that squeal loudest about being selective or 'careful' or chaste that get HIV. I'm negative and a lifelong friend who swore he rarely had sex (due to shame) and never did anything unsafe with anyone ever became infected in his 40s. Live and learn, bitches.

I've dated a HIV guy. We did have safe sex, but we didn't go all the way. He passed away many years ago, but he was respectful of me. It was pretty much heavy petting and jacking off. And yes, I was nervous getting intimate with him. It was a shame that he died, because he was so smart and incredibly sexy.

r269, again, you conflate "gay sex" with libertine sex. It is not.

r273, doubling up on condoms is not safe. It makes condoms even more ineffective.

"All of my boyfriends except one have been HIV+, on meds, and with undetectable viral loads. I don't live in fear. You guys are a bunch of cowards."

You are one damaged piece of goods and you have no idea.

"All of my boyfriends except one have been HIV+, on meds, and with undetectable viral loads. I don't live in fear. You guys are a bunch of cowards."

Wow dude, that says it all. How in the world did you manage to date so many dudes with HIV?

[quote]We should do everything passibl to not get any std.

"Everything possible" includes total abstinence, which is the only 100% certain precaution. Why aren't you advocating total abstinence?

r280, certainly that is a choice many make, including many bi/gay men. If it works for them, great; they certainly have the lowest STD rate of any group of gay men. Awesome!

R277 What is "damaged" about me? You seem to lack compassion.

R278 We're talking about 3 out of 4 guys over a 25 year period, and I did not seek them out for their HIV status.

I can be as compassionate as anyone. I couldn't have sex with a HIV pos person.

Has everyone here heard about the new antibiotic resistant strains of Gonorrhea and Syphilis? Wrap it up!

My ex tested positive not long ago. He was probably positive when we were together. Luckily, I was always safe with him and tested negative. I still love him and miss him, and I think with time and maturity, we could've gotten over the issues that split us up. But now I'm even scared to share a bottle of water with him. I know that's unreasonable and crazy, but I don't think I could ever be with him knowing what I know, even though the possibility for seroconversion is lower than we initially were together.

d

Never. I wouldn't have sex with someone who is promiscuous, let alone confirmed to have an STD

Sometimes I think I must have been a lesbian in a past life because I have to really know and trust someone to even consider having sex with them.

We're getting married later this year.

R288, you are not the only one like that, dude.

I'm so uptight, I won't even masturbate without rubber gloves while covered in plastic wrap. Do it with someone else? Are you kidding me, hell no. The only way I know I'm gay is that I tend to walk into walls while looking at good looking men. If I hit the wall just right, sometimes I have an orgasm. Sometimes I just burst with the gooey stuff because I'm just too full of my stuff.

So that makes 3 of us, R290.

I met a guy once and liked him. He told me he was poz and we have some very hot protected sex.

In the course of conversation, he mentioned that he would never want to wear condoms with anyone he was in a deep relationship with.

That ended that

I even avoid eating tubular shaped foods. I don't want any unnecessary temptations. I bless myself and genuflect continuously throughout the day. I figure if I keep busy there's less chance I will fall into a sexual situation that might kill me. I only look at porn through pin hole glasses. that way I ware myself out trying to see what's on the computer screen. It's just a never ending battle to remain pristine.

k

I'm sorry I couldn't have sex with someone who has HIV. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it because there would be a constant fear. I was dating a guy a while back I really liked. We dated for a bit and when it became clear things were about to go physical, he told me he had had Gonorrhea and he had herpes. I tried to be cool but a few days later I ended it....I just don't want to risk STDs.

I'm just shocked by the stories of people knowingly exposing a partner to HIV without telling them. I'm so fucking jaded about human nature. We're all basically bad and selfish, and it seems relatively rare that people do the right thing if it doesn't benefit them. There are too many evil people in the world.

Even Amy Grant had a hard time with being generous...

"I gave away the royalties of four songs I had written, and it was not just a one-time financial gift--it was kind of "the gift that kept giving," because songs pay until 50 years after your dead. And, you know what? That was the most painful thing I've ever done. I did it, and I was so excited about their enthusiasm and their response... These people I gave the songs to needed it a lot more than I did...

But I went home and cried my eyes out, [bold]because I was just so selfish. [/bold] Once you push beyond what you think you're capable of...

All of us want to do altruistic things, [bold]but nobody's good, really[/bold]. You have to push beyond your comfort zone to do things for other people. And once you learn it feels good, you say to yourself 'I could get addicted to this.' "

All you guys saying "I'd never have sex with someone who is HIV positive" are deluding yourself. You probably already have had sex with a pos person and just didn't know it.

r299, no. I've only had sex with two males with a very sexually conservative history. That is by design.

Wow so many of you are crazy intolerant.

Bugs in the belfry.

Glad not to meet y'all.

This absolutely gets my vote fore one of the most ignorant questions ever posted on the DL. Who in their right fucking mind would be comfortable sleeping with an infected partner? And who I their right fucking mind would be stupid enough to knowingly sleep with an infected partner, regardless of "precautions?" Only an absolute, desperate, drunken whore.

"Yesirree, them there boys sure do look mighty purty at closing' time!"

[quote]You probably already have had sex with a pos person and just didn't know it.

What are you basing that on? Ridiculous.

[quote]All of my boyfriends except one have been HIV+, on meds, and with undetectable viral loads. I don't live in fear. You guys are a bunch of cowards.

Fuck you. It's not cowardly to want to protect your health. You're confusing respecting someone with wanting to fuck them, a common misperception among gay men with low self-esteem.

Undetectable doesn't mean non-infectious. You're a coward if you depend on $$$$ big pharma instead of protecting yourself.

I'm HIV- and I met and married a most wonderful HIV+ man. Going on 12 years together. We know how to be careful, and I couldn't wish for a more wonderful husband. I know he feels the same. Don't close yourself off from what can be managed.

This thread is revolting! The ignorance and small-mindedness of some the fucking cunts here disgusts and angers me.

[quote]I'm HIV+ and I think the guys who wouldn't have sex with an infected partner are using their heads correctly.

r306, did you read what r16 wrote?

Bugs in the belfry?

If you,re not comfortable with someone's status, don't have sex.

If your not sure about someone's degree of truthfulness, don't do it.

Don't have protection? No Balloon, No Party.

Trust your instincts. It's common sense. It's not hard.

.

no way, bro

I would not. Most people would not.

Avoid the Poz like the plague as that is what they carry.

They lie, but the medication changes their smell before it changes their looks so sniff carefully.

Value your life over sex

No way

It's unacceptable risk for me

Never in my life!!

No way bro

I am not politically correct when it comes to be health, body, and morals. I screen people out based on their sexual history, commitment to monogamy, and health status.

Interesting how the world has changed in the 7 years this thread covers.

My answer is still no

OP, I had a lover from 1985 until his death is 1998. I was always the top and he was the bottom. In 1990, after several of his former versatile boyfriends died of AIDS, he finally took the test and was positive. After that, we had both safe and unsafe sex. I found him dead in our bed in 1998. He'd had rheumatic fever as an infant and it had scarred his heart. At 38, his official cause of death was a heart attack, but we will never know what or if HIV contributed to his early death. To this day, I remain HIV-.

I tried but the anxiety was just too much and I told him we should just be friends.

Personally I would not be comfortable doing this. I have bisexual and gay men as friends who have safer sex with HIV+ men.

We can assert we wouldn't and won't, but we're accepting the word of a sex partner who may or may not know their HIV status. I protect myself and encourage others to do the same.

I feel the same way R325. I probably have been with someone who is HIV+ but we used condoms so I was not infected.

R325, I don’t sleep around with someone who is not my spouse

Never

I could never

Ontario man with HIV still guilty of aggravated sex assault despite using condom: court

With PrEP and U=U, I’ve let HIV+ men cum in my ass.

R330, these antiquated anti-HIV laws are as bad as anti-crack laws.

R331 is a fucking idiot.

Not comfortable. I only want to be fucked by total tops. If you’re a total top, how did you get HIV?

Ewww r331

Growing up in the 80s made me very aware of what AIDS does to a body. Even with such progressed healthcare today having to start the day with pills & their side effects doesn't make taking the chance any more appealing. I simply do not understand their cavalier attitudes toward prolific casual sex these days. About 10 years ago I was at a friend's house for a small birthday gathering, about a dozen of us there. One friend mentioned that a guy at his office had asked him if he'd consider going on a date, but politely declined, telling us that he could never be attracted to someone who weighed as much as the guy did. Then someone chimed I'm with how they could never date redheads, especially femme redheads. Then someone else joined in saying that he dated an Asian before & never would again. Then I said "I'm good with all that, I just couldn't be with anyone poz, too much of a risk." Well, every single one of those cunts turned on me like a shark on a hamburger. How dare I be so judgmental & insensitive, people like me were the reason poz men weren't forthcoming with their status, I was a self hater, I should rot in hell, blah blah blah... Yes, I left. How could I reason arguing with a group of men who had the most superficial dating criteria expressed with such disgust compared to my logical & practical reasoning for not wanting to take a chance dating anyone HIV positive?! I felt like that in 80s, felt like that at that get-together & still feel this way today. I don't look down anyone poz at all, but my life is my life & I wouldn't even take the slightest chance risking it for pleasure.

Love poz cum. I avoided it for decades but now I can get it up my ass without fear.

And they are real pigs

Hmm, seems like there are some posts missing.