Let’s be straight couples

I hate my husband cause I take after my mother and grandmother

I’m the side piece and he loves me as no man ever has. He’s sweet and deep and sensitive and holds nothing back. We would marry in a heartbeat except that, well, he has reasons. You know, the wife, the kids. He loves those kids. And me! He loves ME, too.

Str8.

I’m the constant complaining about how much I hate my spouse/kids while at the same time becoming irrationally angry at people who chose to be single/childless.

I'm the tension that grows over the years as both partners stop taking care of themselves and become increasingly less attractive to one another.

I’m having the gay friends over and then the urge to look away if they actually show affection.

I'm the joy of pregnancy!!!!

I'm #MeToo

I'm the fake religious, pretending to be all pious and going to church, but really just cheating, lying, fornicating, backstabbing, bigoted- and addicted to status, labels and material possessions.

I'm the gay obsessed with them.

I’m them obsessed with gays.

I'm the slapped hand when he tries to cop a feel of the once-perky bosom

I'm the helicopter mom who has 4 hot as fuck spawns (and no girls). And no, none of them will be gay!!!

I'm the husband's mother. I hate his wife because I have a Jocasta complex and she "stole" my son from me. I wish he'd divorce her and I'll never stop trying to drive a wedge between them at every opportunity.

I watch their videos often but these two to me are a stereotypical straight couple.

She's seems like quite a frau to me.

I'm the antique clock being smashed against the wall because of something that happened at last night's cocktail party.

I'm the anal warts pretending I have no idea how I got here.

I'm the straight couple that reinvented the wheel. One *queer* woman and one non-binary cluster B! Straight is sooooo stifling. But I could never imagine licking a vagina, nasty omg.

I'm leaving her because she wrote this:

[quote]Let’s be straight couples I’m staying together for the kids.

Oh, dear.

I'm not getting any good blowjobs.

I'm the wife, lying there while the husband grunts on top of me. I hope he finishes soon because there's a new episode of Outlander on soon and I need to picture Jaime Fraser in my head while being fucked by my oaf of a husband.

It's been 3 mins and he's almost there. Yay! Oh, and reminder to buy more lube on my next Tarjay run!

I’m not getting ANY blowjobs.

I'm the massive quantities of wine consumed to make it through each depressing day.

I'm the wet spot.

Her pussy stinks.

Women aren't taught to have fun fucking around when their young and beautiful. They are taught to find a husband and not to put out until marriage. They are never taught that sex should be mind blowing and amazing.

I'm Ashley Madison.

I'm the video game addiction that drives my girlfriend to cheat on me

I'm every straight husband ever. I'm terrible at everything but statistically happier than my wife for some reason. It brings me down. So, I'm going to find a single woman who's statistically happier than her to give me the BJs I've deluded myself into believing I deserve for merely existing.

R24, and Kelly Ripa finds me when she rolls Mark Consuelo's mussy in flour!

I'm the husband who watches Pornhub and jerks off while my fat wife is at the PTA.

I'm the fat husband with track marks in my white underwear, sitting in the Lazy Boy and farting while my hot wife is out with her girlfriends having "Wine Wednesday." I'm ordering instacart to deliver my loaded mini tacos from Jack in the Box that is right down the street. When my wife comes home, I'll accuse her of cheating on me because I'm the only person she should want to hang with. I'll demand to see her phone and read all her text messages while she cries in the bathroom that still stinks from the load I just dropped in there.

I'm GROOMING!!!!!!!

I'm the finger right near the asshole.

I'm just praying he'll get drunk enough to finally ask me in.

I'm our gay friends who think they understand relationships at a higher level and have it all together but are just as unsure and miserable as us.

We gays saw your post coming from a mile away, r35.

Actually, gay and lesbian relationships are often happier than straight ones. We don't get married just because we let Bubba knock us up in the back of his pickup truck. And lots of us remain single (and happy) because we refuse to settle, which is what straight people often do.

I’m the nagging.

I’m the randy, slightly bisexual husband, hen pecked by his domineering prudish wife.

Yup, these are actual friends of mine

I’m r35. I also pop up on threads when anyone is expressing joy and satisfaction over being childfree. I point out they will end up alone and miserable when they are old.

I should go back to Facebook but I just love how the gays discuss celebrities and fashion. But then you smug fags go and start threads like this and I have to pipe up and defensively point out how dumb you all are.

I'm the down-low husband. I thought if I married a woman like my dad and everybody else wanted me to, I'd get into it and stop wanting to fuck around with guys. But then I met Bryan. His wife and my wife are kind of friends and they hang out together while Bry and I go off for "guy weekends". There's nothing wrong with that. Bros do things like that for each other, right man?

Eventually we'll get a divorce, but we're waiting for the kids to die first.

I'm the notion of the "work husband" or "work wife". So cringe.

It’s the only paradigm for M/F relationships, don’t you know?

I'm the kids, who actually think you should get a divorce. Seriously, we don't care.

I’m the gay best friend of the girl in the relationship.

However, I started hanging around too much and the guy in the relationship ended up liking spending time with me too.

Nothing happened, but this pissed the girl off to no end and in her insecure jealousy, ended her friendship with the guy guy…as did the straight guy in the relationship.

Now the gay guy has no friends.

I’m the husband who is still in mourning for the loss of the Craigslist personal ads. It was a great way to meet anonymous guys who would happily suck my cock, something the wife hasn’t done in years.

I’m the double income as we try to pay a mortgage, school fees, utilities, put food on the table, and a holiday a year to Florida to visit the grand parents.

I’m the rental properties, we love passive income.

Right, r47. Because double incomes only exist in straight relationships.

I'm the mental load. The husband doesn't know I exist, but the wife is about to have a breakdown from working full time, then cooking and cleaning. Making the kids do their homework. Getting the kids into the bath and then bed. Taking off work to take the kids to all their doctor/dental/orthodontist appointments. And their therapy appointments. Taking the kids to dance class and/or soccer practice twice a week and every Saturday morning. When the wife complains about the uneven workload, the husband calls her a nag. The husband hides out in the garage after work. When he forgets to buy his mother a birthday gift, he asks his wife why she didn't remind him. They go a week without speaking, but still take time to post some happy smiling pictures together with the kids on their social media.

I'm the husband. I make backhanded compliments about my wife's figure. She's up to 130 pounds. I know I should give her a break after she carried our three kids, but I deserve a hot wife. I'm 310 pounds and quickly balding.

[quote] She's up to 130 pounds.

That's a normal weight, unless the wife is a dwarf.

We thought going back to our college town would rekindle the romance, but it's just sad. .

I’m the wife. I make sure my husband/boyfriend, myself and my kid from a previous relationship where the same color shirt in all group photos so everyone knows we are a happy couple in a relationship.

It always works and my photos on social media gets tons of likes.

Is your name “Huckabee”, Mrs. R54?

Is that the dog they shot and ate??